thedumbestsmart

[thedumbestsmart]

There's this Turkish-pudding kind of dessert that mom always used to make at least once a month. We used to put them into small cups and make shapes with cookie cutters and cinnamon. I'd help mom put the glasses in the freezer and play with my toys while waiting to eat it.

Yesterday I did the same dessert. All by myself. Mom was at home but she scrolled through Facebook instead of helping. I put it into a huge glass tray instead of small cups and did some shapes with cinnamon like I used to.

My favorite was the bear and the duck. I couldn't find the duck so I made two bears with a few stars and hearts.

I told mom I can't eat it right now because it's too late at night and she was kinda sad. I waited for her to eat before I go to bed because I wanted to see her reaction. She loved it.

I'm eating the dessert right now. We used to eat it while watching tv and I still remember the feeling of the cold cup in my hands. I'd try to warm my hands after I eat and...

I... just don't know.

The dessert just feels cold.

Not just the dessert, my heart feels cold too.

Mom changed. At least in my eyes.

And I'm tired because I miss her, no, I miss my old perception of her.

I miss not to be scared of her. I miss the kind, warm, loving side of her.

The 6 years old inside my heart is missing her and there's nothing I can do.

I miss the warmth.

We're seperated like the bears. We're on the same dessert but so so far away from each other.

And I feel cold.

[thedumbestsmart]

There are a lot of things that I love but I love the fact how we change. Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour...

We change.

Sometimes a quote on insta hits so close to home but that may not be the case on a different day.

A thought cannot apear twice. It can change, shift and evolve but it's NEVER the exact same thought.

Everything change in a hard-to-explain way and I love it.

I love how we're not "ourselves" in each passing minute

[thedumbestsmart]

Growing up is wierd because you have your younger self's memories but they don't have yours

[thedumbestsmart]

What you consume don't shape who you are, but your feelings during consumption does.

[thedumbestsmart]

Damn going with the flow is so weird.

I'm going to meet with my uncle to see my newborn cousin and kinda bond with my father side and I bought the bus ticket yesterday. Going to somewhere without any plan feels weird but not thinking about plans is relaxing.

As a overplanner, I feel calm.

For now.

[thedumbestsmart]

Meow Meow (Fellow human,) Meow (can you help me) meow meow (to find my) meow meow meow (family)

That sound 😭😅

[thedumbestsmart]

Cinderella

[thedumbestsmart]

Those cats don't like geyz

[thedumbestsmart]

*whisper* sure, I don't know what it is but I'm in!

*Pillow talk whisper* do you wanna start an isopod colony together

[thedumbestsmart]

Damn even fishes have converse

Well if the shoe fish

[thedumbestsmart]

Yesterday I was at a bookstore in a mall. I went to the foreign section cus I love it. I picked some books and read a few pages to see if I'd like them or not. The section was just near the window and there was this pink dressed blond cute girl (5 or 6 years old I guess) who was looking at me while eating crackers.

I waved at her.

She waved at me.

Then her big sis (maybe 3 years older than her) in a green cute dress came beside the pink girlie.

I waved at her.

She waved at me.

Then we kept waving at each other.

Then we made silly faces.

Then pink girl came inside and showed me her thumb with that big purple fake nail and I said "Woa thats so pretty!" and she hold her big sis' hand and showed me "Hers are bigger!" and her sis had green fake nails.

They played around me a little while making silly faces and OH MY GOSH WEREN'T THEY SOO ADORABLE

Then their mom took them and the two girls went in front of the window with their mom and waved at me once more with that huge smile in their faces :') The mom was clearly exhausted but she still waved at me and oh my that will stay as one of my fave memories of allll time

[thedumbestsmart]

Reading🤝Lone kids

[thedumbestsmart]

I have a huge backpack that I carry anywhere and it doesn't go well with most of my outfits so mom doesn't like that I take ✨the bag✨ to everywhere

But we don't have to carry bags from market when I bring ✨my bag✨

Also I agree with the comedic effect, I have all emergency stuff for my friends when we go out

[thedumbestsmart]

I've been following Chappell Roan for a while and I must say, a burning, fizzy fuzzy desire grows in my heart whenever I listen to her. That is the same desire I get when I want to sing or when I first saw Doja Cat becoming popular. Same desire when I listen to Doja's or another artists every single song, slowly falling in love with every single aspect of them, especially their way of implementing emotions to other's hearts through melodies, beats or lyrics.

That desire probably comes from the fac that Chappell was a "bedroom artist" the girl who did covers on youtube, wishing on stars to be heard by people who share a similar feeling, passion as her.

I want to do that too. Even though my voice doesn't fit many songs, even though I have teenage voice cracks, even though I can't trust neither myself nor other people when it comes to the "what if I sound bad" paradox.

Cus they all said "your voice is pretty" then talked shit behind my back.

Anyways, I love Chappell and how she doesn't give a fuck about anyone. I love her music and how she dances and enjoys herself on stage. I'm not lesbian but I can feel the love, loneliness, joy and all the other feelings I can't describe through her songs.

I hope I can go to one of her concerts before I die

[thedumbestsmart]

Damn thats deep

How we fight our monsters mustn't be to create new ones.

We must be better than them.

[thedumbestsmart]

YAŞASIN IRKIMIZ ÇİNE BEDEL KIRKIMIZ SÖYLENİR TÜRKĞMÜZ 🐺🐺🐺 🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷❤️❤️❤️ AUUUUUUUUU

Sorry I had to do that it's in my blood.

Kim Ye-Ji 🇰🇷 vs Yusuf Dikeç 🇹🇷

[thedumbestsmart]

holy shit this is such a lovely quote

"Fire is not always the answer. Sometimes it's the question and the answer is yes."