theeditorialme

[theeditorialme]

[theeditorialme]

CLIQUECITY VOL. 2 OUT NOW !

[theeditorialme]

[theeditorialme]

this.

[theeditorialme]

how do i find you on vinyl…..hmmmm

[theeditorialme]

“you held the anchors over my neck / i liked it at first / but the more you laughed, the crazier i became”

i love this song a lot because it speaks to me and all my bullshit, the way im almost attracted to being treated like a dummy. in almost every relationship i’ve had i feel like i let myself get run over, partners and friendships. i tell myself, “its not going to happen this time!” and then it…happens. and im left wondering how. i gotta stop shutting up and taking it. thankfully, im somewhere towards that path; i blocked my ventriloquist! he started to become very possessive, the “are you ignoring me?” texts, just making me feel as if i have an obligation towards him. i wanted to stop texting him after calling him out, but i began to feel bad. so i caved in and replied and regretted it immediately. because thats when i realized what i was to him, and everything he wanted me to be, i proved him right. i fell for it each and every time and ran straight to him. we had such an unhealthy attachment to each other. he knew i put up w his shit, so i became his dummy. in my head i thought this was someone who loved and cared about me—a true friend. “my platonic other half,” as i used to say (whether or not this was an attempt to rationalize me remaining friends w him after our multiple breakups). but i realized that i hated the relationship we had. i hated the way he treated me when we were dating, i hated the way i cared too much about what he was doing when we weren’t. i was still so attached to him even after we broke up and i knew i would go to the ends of the earth for him. and i think he knew it too. x