Hi, I'm a work in progress and this is the place where I pour most of my thoughs. Be aware of bad grammar, curated-reblogged pictures, and cheesy whiney long post.
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Dear husband,
One day our morning will be in silence again.
One day our day will be filled with our errands, no playground no malls for the kids.
One day we will ask each other “did the kids call you?”
One day we will have our food while its hot, in silence, just the two of us.
One day we will have our coffee trips, us ordering coffee and enjoying it sip by sip without having to drink it in the car while rushing to go home.
One day we will go to the cinema again, without having to think is the movie safe for kids.
One day we will have our date night.
One day we will enjoy each other’s presence and sleeping side by side and you get to be the big spoon.
One day the bed will be empty and huge again, the sheet will be stain free and the duvet will be squeaky clean and well ironed.
One day, our kids will grow and they will have their own life. We will be lucky if we get to spend the days with them. They might still love us, but they might hate us for being too protective and they might scream “but you dont understand!! you are old and outdated!!” in our face.
One day, it will be just the two of us again. But those things mentioned above wont be as beautiful as what we have now.
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Andyra & Ismail Andra,
Transitioning from 1 to 2 was rough, but I somehow know that we are going to be just fine.
I was desperately clinging to Andyra as she was my first love. Although it was rough at the beginning, I cant deny that my heart expands as Ismail gave me his first smile.
It was very tiring as I had to divide my time for both of you equally, for papa, for work, and for myself of course. All the chaos and the tantrums, screaming for ibu at the same time, i cant say no to that. Although sometimes i feel like having the tantrum myself.
My heart grows bigger for both of you. Kakak & Adik adalah nyawa ibu.
Ibu cant wait to see what the world has in store for both of you. I cant wait to travel the world with you, the 4 of us. It may not be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but I promise I will be the first person to throw a punch whenever life treats you bad and lots of cuddles to make everything just fine. I love you both equally, with all my heart.
Ibu.
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The world and us
Life is hard, as it is. It will be hard, and of course harder as we grow old. In this kind of situation, at this point, I don’t want to continue my life without you in it. My life is mine, and yours is yours. But let’s just stay together hand in hand and be each other’s support system. Let’s find home in each other. Lets team up and back up each other. Us versus the world.
I don’t want to share my life and everything in it with anyone else, but you.
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The Wonderful Unknown
As we may read on my November 2020 post, I was insecurely and contently writing about my life. I felt lonely although I was not alone. I have my family, my best friends, my colleagues, my job. I was very content with my life.
In that same month, without knowing what would happen, i was introduced to someone quite familiar, but I never had an intention at all to get to know about. someone with a familiar name from my collage years.
Little did I know, the universe conspires and decided to bring us closer. Without even knowing who, what and how would it be. Without a clue of each other, two complete strangers.
Who would have known that to this day, this person has become a part of my life that i am very grateful of. The warmth he shares, and that kind heart that he carries all day. How he made me feel appreciated and loved. All the joy and happiness he brings in me, since that sunny unplanned day in Beau Bakery.
A complicated soul, he is. He is as stubborn as I am (even more), as moody as I am - even way more. But when you value a person so much, their baggage doesn’t even scare you. It makes me see him, and appreciate him as a person. Growing up with that person and having him as my imam sounds like a very good idea to me : )
As a first born daughter, I tend to be very strict with myself and people around me. I can be very selfish, and stubborn at certain time. I have this urge to protect myself from hurting, protect my family and friends as best as I can - and of course, that sometimes means I feel like carrying the world on my shoulder. I have to be my own hero.
But he came, offers me help and offering himself to carry my world with him.
Another funny thing is, I finally willing to surrender. All the shield I made for myself was gone. He made me feel protected, which i never knew that i was worth of being protected. He made me realised so many feelings that i have never felt before. And I’m not alone anymore.
Sometimes I just can’t stop looking at him whenever he was driving, when we sat next to each other, or when i see him from afar. Even when he caught me starring and he complained “what?”, I can only say “nope”, launch a stupid smile and look away instead. It was that moment when you are out of words and you feel grateful at the same time.
He made me scared of my feelings sometimes. Of how much I appreciate him, and value him as a person. How this - our story - feels surreal and too good to be true. How I constantly feel very lucky of having him in my life. And I constantly feel “yakin” of him.
You see, I used to be very naive - I used to think that being in a relationship means showers of love, fairytales, flowers, songs, and all that fun stuff. But with him, I feel the love that is constant, soft, and logic. This is not just a relationship -- this is a partnership we are creating. This is real.
He’s the calm to my storm (although sometimes he caused the storm instead), the barrier to my childish soul, the light that guides me.
And finally, everything seems to make sense.
I know we’ve only been together for 6 months, but he made me realised that he is the kind of person i need in my life. I can’t stop wishing for many more adventures, inside jokes, silly gestures, random conversation, food hunting, snacking galore, coffee stops, warm hugs, bike rides, car rides, blasting the music in our car, and more horror stories. A life to build together with him and only him.
They say the best love story is when you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. and as cheesy as it sounds, that’s exactly us.
He is the wonderful unknown. My emergency call, my go to person, my save haven, my EWS.
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