thefreshperspectives

[thefreshperspectives]

Learning from 2018.

I’m not usually one to make New Years resolutions because I don’t follow through with them most times. However, I always think that transitioning into a new year is good for a number of reasons. It gives us an opportunity to reflect on ourselves as individuals, to identify strengths and next steps. It also allows us to count our blessings for what we already have, instead of strongly focusing on what we don’t have and what we want instead. 

I have had a couple encounters with death this year (none involving myself), but with others who I have known, or known of at least. Death is a frightening thing. The concept of it really terrifies me, and I’ve never totally understood why humans get such a short amount of time to leave their impression on the world and live their lives to the fullest. This is especially considering how long we are gone for. As someone who suffers with anxiety, I spend some of my time worrying about things and ruminating, and I’ve never truly understood the importance of living life to the fullest until this year. I have focused so much on the concept of “dying” and what it is like to die and what happens after we die etc., that I forget to focus on living. We often walk around day to day just grumbling through, not really fully awake and alive. I’ve hit snooze countless times on my alarm, not wanting to get out of bed to start my day, complained about traffic or whined about people or situations in my day. Which is all fine because complaining is part of human nature and we all do it. But I have realized that I’m even lucky to be alive (and so are you if you’re reading this). I know that sometimes things can be bad, and even really bad, but you are always lucky to be alive and breathing. That’s something that we all take for granted at times.

I stumbled upon a bit of an “existential crisis” let’s say, recently, contemplating what the point of life is if we are all going to die anyways (and for some, it is far too soon). Which sounds really morbid I know, but it has been on my mind for a while now. I think that to each person, life’s purpose is dependent on what they want to achieve. Many of our answers are to be “happy,” when we usually don’t even know how to go about reaching “happy” and waste much of our living time trying to achieve something we have difficulty with. I have purchased so many books about being happy and how to create that, that it’s almost like I’m depending on someone or something else to do that for me. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of being happy anyways? Being alive isn’t being happy all the time. Being happy is great and fantastic, but it isn’t my sole purpose in life. To me, after giving this much thought, not only do I want to make a difference in the lives of others, but I also want to feel what it means to be alive, whole heartedly, at all times. This means experiencing love, joy, pain, fear, sadness, friendship, etc. You can be happy to be alive and well and to have a chance on this earth, but you can also do this with while experiencing other emotions as well. Feeling deeply is an incredible gift that I have, because it affirms to me that I am in fact, alive. 

This year, I’ve also learned to practice more compassionate understanding. We seem to live in a world that is lacking compassion, especially lately. We seem to have gotten into a world habit of shaming and blaming. If someone does something or if something happens to someone, it was all their fault. We forget that society plays a huge role in this. Take mental illness for example. If someone is living with clinical depression and proceeds to take their life, then it’s all the fault of the individual for not seeking treatment. This could actually not be more false. It is a systemic failure, as we as a society have failed that individual. “If a flower doesn’t bloom in an environment, you fix the environment, not the flower.” The same applies to many other circumstances, some of which I would prefer not to name. Life is tough. Let’s stop this culture of shaming others for actions that may not be their fault. Often, when serious problems arise, they are societal and systemic failures, not always individual ones. Compassion is something that is hard to practice and understand, and it’s not always easy, but it’s necessary for human understanding. 

The same compassion can be applied when getting into an argument with someone. It is actually easier on your system to stop and consider the other person’s point of view rather than blow up and only voice your side - allowing yourself to sit with anger. If you’re angry, or upset or whatever the emotion might be, it is a really good idea to take yourself away from the situation for a moment and identify what is making you feel this way. Can you identify and show ways to be compassionate towards the other person? Can you understand where they are coming from? If not, use the time to reflect on yourself and what you can do to stop the anger instead of letting it harm you. As soon as you let anger control you, you’re allowing someone else to control you, and you’ve lost control of yourself. This is something I’ve learned many times over this year. The only thing that benefits from anger, is the anger itself, because you certainly don’t! 

Until next year friends! (Literally) LOL xo 

[thefreshperspectives]

A topic I could probably talk about forever...

I swear with all the talking and preaching I do for mental health, I am in the wrong profession. BUT, my wrong choice of career path (jokes) isn’t what this blog post is about. HI and welcome back to my blog. 

For those of you who know me (or don’t know me at all so hey), you know that I suffer with anxiety (shocker). And whilst there are still a million and one things that are worse in this world to deal with, dealing with anxiety still sucks. A lot. But there are a few really great things that have come from me having this disorder (if we want to give it that name) and I am super proud to say that I am effectively managing it as best I can, so that it doesn’t interfere with my life too much. There are a few different ways that it can be managed: you can take medication, you can go to therapy, you can change your lifestyle, etc. I am going to list the few ways that I try my best to manage it, in case some of you out there are looking for tips. I don’t take any medication at this present point in time, nor do I want to. But hey, if you’re managing yours with medication then all the power to you! Do what you wish and what you think is best.

1. I use talk therapy (i.e., from a social worker, psychotherapist, etc). This is actually extremely beneficial and as far as I’m concerned, everyone could use a therapist at some point (mental health issues or not!!!) I would like to point out that going to see a therapist by no means says you are weak, or should give people the impression you can’t solve problems on your own. Talking to a family member, partner, friend, is basically therapy anyways, so what’s the harm in seeing someone who is professionally trained to talk to you? There is no harm and there is NO SHAME in it. Please, get this through your head. Everyone can benefit from therapy, I don’t care who you are or where you’ve come from. 

2. I am slowly starting to realize that some people in life only care about themselves (and not you) and you know what, that’s totally fine, but probably not a good idea to stay in any kind of relationship with that person. How draining is it to always hear about someone else and their life and problems, when you’re never able to get a word in edgewise (it’s VERY draining). I’m sorry but I’ve got better things to do than listen to a one sided drama-rama 25/7. You don’t need to expose yourself to that. Protect your energy. 

3. I understand that having a bad day is totally okay (and there will be many throughout our lifetime!!!) With a bad day comes the usual feelings of not wanting to leave the house, not wanting to see anyone or do anything. If you feel really crappy, why push yourself to feel happy and positive? No one wants to force those kind of feelings anyways. Embrace the sad, embrace the crappy and remember that tomorrow is a new day. You are allowed to feel pain and feel/express your feelings. Not everyday is going to be sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes I feel like we live in a world that always pushes us to be HAPPY AND POSITIVE AND LIVING OUR BEST AND MOST FULFILLING LIVES (which yeah by all means please do most of the time!) but that also puts an emphasis on not being able to feel down. If I’m not having a good day, I usually cry and feel like crap to release it and get it all out, whilst remembering that this is only temporary and remaining to feel gratitude underneath it all. WE ALL FEEL CRAPPY SOMETIMES, and that’s totally okay. 

4. I always feel the need to be “ON.” To always be busting my butt for something or someone. And that’s exhausting - probably one of the most exhausting aspects of having anxiety to be honest. Hypersensitivity is great for certain things, and not great for others. It’s okay to not always be on. Slowly learning that. 

5. I often involve myself in others’ lives so much, that I lose track of my own life and my own sense of purpose. Man, if I had a dollar for every night that I spent thinking about someone else and not myself, I would be pretty rich right now. I’ve started to think about others this way “it’s your life, you’re doing what you want with it,” “it’s your problem really, not mine,” or “good luck with that, I hope it works for you because I am not going to worry about it anymore.” This one is a hard one to do, because honestly my brain never shuts off. However, lately I’ve been catching myself thinking and worrying about other people to the point where I need to go “you know what brain, this isn’t working for me anymore. Start thinking about me and what I should or could be doing instead.” This isn’t to say that you should never be there for people, but understand that excessively thinking about others when they may not even be thinking or caring about you at that present moment, is probably only harming yourself. Go read a book, have a bath or whatever.

6. Sleep is vital and so incredibly important (which I already knew because there are few things I love more than sleep). There are several things you can do to help yourself settle down and sleep as well. We’ve all been there: stressed from work, relationships, houses, finances, school, etc. Powering down electronics is key to a restful brain. Using techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, positive and peaceful affirmations, can make the world of difference on your sleep. There are also many supplements that are totally natural and safe to take if you have trouble sleeping (such as melatonin, valerian, magnesium, tryptophan). I also use lavender oil religiously (and find that it is super helpful for winding down at the end of the day). Sleep habits are key for a good mental state. 

Hey - this advice isn’t meant to sound like a nagging parent, and by all means do what you want. I just like to share what works for me in case it helps someone! 

Until next time - xo

[thefreshperspectives]

You are not obligated.

You are not obligated to spend time with people who are toxic.

You are not obligated to stay in relationships that don’t make you happy.

You are not obligated to hang out with people just because you’ve known them forever.

You ARE obligated to say NO.

You also can’t pour from an empty cup.

I have struggled with this concept my entire life. For the longest time I have wanted to give people chances, wanted to forgive people, wanted to start over, but I am approaching a point in my life now where I’m getting tired of doing that, and I’m starting to be very careful with who and what I invest my time into.

In total honesty - my expectations for people are pretty high. I give a whole lot to many people, and if I don’t get the same back in return, it really takes a toll on me. And the reason for that is because I know my standard and I know how I act and how I uphold myself, and frankly that’s what I expect from others. This really sounds as though I am exuding arrogance - but it’s not. There is a difference between being arrogant/cocky and knowing what you deserve and require as a human being - and seeking it.

What you give out, is what you should attract. It’s really that simple. Now, this isn’t to say that everyone should be changed to be exactly like you, and that people should be controlled, but it is saying that you don’t need to put up with anything that you don’t have to. You also always have a chance to be better.

And sometimes that’s really hard - because there are times when you want to hold on to things as long as possible. But doing so when it’s no good for you is only hurting one person: and that’s yourself.

I’ve really gotten to the point where I don’t care what people think anymore. I know what I deserve and desire, and if people can’t meet that time and time again - I choose to let them go. You are under no obligation to stay anything with ANYONE who is not adding to your life or bettering it.

I have so many amazing friends who push me to my potential always, and who go above and beyond to make sure that I am being my best possible self. I am beyond grateful for these people in my life, and for the extra push. If someone isn’t pushing you to be the best person you can be - what exactly are they doing or adding to your life? Because that’s a question you need to be asking yourself.

Here are some things to think about when making the decision to walk away from toxic situations or people:

Does this person push me to be my best self?

Is this worth my time and effort if I don’t receive what I give? Is it reciprocal?

How often do I feel un-energized because of take take take take?

Is this emotionally, mentally and physically draining? (This is a big one!!!)

Is this causing problems in my personal life?

Is this impacting my ability to function in daily life?

Does this situation really need to happen or can it be avoided?

Do you really need to break your neck for people who only care about themselves?

You will never be a bad person for clearing space in order to be happy. No matter what people might think - you always come first no matter what. People will always take personal offense to the decisions that you make (especially if they are involved) but that should never stop from you knowing what you deserve and wanting to achieve that. You know yourself best, you know what you deserve, what you require and what you need to do in order to live your absolute best life, and there should never be an excuse for not doing so.

XO

[thefreshperspectives]

FRESH

Hello friends! I have started making blog posts again, after taking a hiatus. After finishing the second season of 13 Reasons Why, I have a lot to say. Firstly, as graphic and controversial as the show is, if you haven’t seen it you definitely should at least give it a try. Why? Because it gives people a look at the lives of those who are struggling with mental illness and real issues. Issues that at some point in our lives, we have all (or at least some of us) faced. The show is incredibly graphic, because it is meant to depict the pain that individuals experience, and how do we really know what people go through unless we are subjected to watching it?

Watching this show has stirred up many emotions in me - mainly sadness and anger because I feel so horrible for what some people have to go through in their lifetime. So many people feel as though they aren’t enough - not for themselves or anyone. So many people feel exhausted as they fight with thoughts and demons in their head everyday. What’s it like to live with a mental illness/disorder? No one will know or understand until they’ve experienced it. A lot of people who suffer just go through life feeling this sense of hopelessness - like they don’t matter. And a lot of people feel as though the only way out of these feelings is to take their own life. Of course this is never the answer, but for some, life simply feels like too much of a burden to carry. Taking your own life is never ever EVER the solution, and if anyone reading this has ever found themselves in this spot, there are so many things that you can do to care for yourself. Even if you have never even found yourself in this spot, you can always benefit from a little self-love.

We all know how important it is to take care of yourself. Or do we? What does REALLY taking care of yourself look like?

1. Don’t take most things personally.

This one is especially hard because if you’re anything like myself, you will take things people say to heart. And although you know you shouldn’t, you do anyways. However, when it comes to certain circumstances or people - don’t take it personally. Often, people will say things for personal gain when they actually have nothing to do with you. You will encounter people in your life who will stand over you, tell you what is best for you, think they’re better than you and think they can use manipulative tactics on you to get what they want. Ignore it. These people don’t know what it’s like to live your life - only you know that. You are the only person you owe anything to.

2. Self-care encompasses ALL aspects of taking care of yourself.

This is important for some people to realize. Self-care is basically your everyday practice. It’s in what you do and how you live your life. You can’t practice self care unless you are actively making an effort to do so. Some examples of this include: giving yourself permission to feel all your feelings about something. Bottling things up inside never ends well for you or anyone.

- Cry, yell, scream, breathe deeply - whatever it takes to feel the thing that needs to be felt.

- Positive self-affirmations go a heck of a long way. Wake up in the morning and tell yourself what you like about yourself. Look in the mirror and admire your wonderful body. Shaming is not allowed. Your body is artwork, and no two pieces of artwork are ever going to be the same.

- Understand that hating yourself for eating a piece of cake, or skipping the gym to relax, or saying no to a friend is NOT healthy or productive. Never get upset with yourself for these things, this is where practicing patience is key.

- Nourishing yourself is also incredibly important. This means getting enough sleep so that you are able to rise in the morning without hitting snooze, eating well and feeding your body healthy and good nutrients, exercising and feeling good about it, drinking enough water, taking vitamins (or getting them through your food). Without proper nourishment, our bodies can’t function properly. I could go on and on about self-care, but these are some of the most important things to do for yourself.

3. Remember to be patient with yourself.

Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither are you. Everything that you are working towards and everything that you want will come to you - slowly. You are always doing the best that you can, and if you feel like you aren’t - you know what to do to change that. Getting frustrated with yourself isn’t the answer. Patience is a virtue.

4. Have open and honest dialogue with people.

How could anyone know what you’re going through if you don’t communicate it to them? Communication is so important for everyone. All people want to feel that sense of human connection, and human connection is everything. Opening up to people and expressing your thoughts, worries, anxiety, whatever it is, is SOOOO good and it feels amazing. We need to be able to be there for ourselves, and for each other. Start the conversation.

5. Only be kind.

I’m pretty sure this one is self-explanatory.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Lately I have been feeling really great. My anxiety has also drastically decreased (I mean let’s be honest it’s always going to be there but it never has to STOP you). Sometimes I regress (as we all do) and sometimes I have really crappy days where I don’t feel like doing anything or I’m a little too hard on myself, but for the most part I feel really free, really responsible, really independent and really confident/beautiful. I have always felt those things, and I have always been a very strong-headed individual, but I feel them even deeper as I’m getting older. I now don’t have the time to shame myself, to say negative things about myself and to make myself feel small. And I won’t let other people do that either. When you are willing to put forth the effort to work on yourself without anyone else, it’s an amazing thing. I urge you all to think about the circumstances that some people are in, and think about what people are going through, before you choose to make assumptions, comments and before you choose hate over love. Mental health is SO health, even when you can’t see it.

Remember that everyday on this earth, is a day that you are lucky to be alive. Be grateful for that! Practice that gratitude all the time.

Thanks for reading! xo

[thefreshperspectives]

The Objectification of Women

This is a topic that I LOVE to talk about. In fact, I will talk about this to basically anyone who will listen. Because I think it’s something that needs to be discussed, and frequently.

Let’s talk about everything that is wrong with our current society, and how women seem to be viewed as “objects” or “things” that are supposed to appeal to men. What makes a women more or less attractive? The way she looks: dresses, behaves in public, has her makeup, is groomed, her hair? There are so many different kinds of beautiful in this world, and they’re all around us. Yet surprisingly enough, amidst all this beauty, we seem to feel the need to conform to one specific kind. The “cookie cutter idealistic view of the woman” kind.

Lately, I have been feeling as though many men out there think that they are entitled enough to speak on the appearance of women around them. “She’s too fat, she’s not attractive enough for me, she could never look good, she looks gross, she’s not Instagram famous enough”...the list goes on and on. Which is fine; it’s a free world and we are all allowed to have our opinions of things. However, men seem to think that their opinion of women and our appearances, matter to the point that it should have a vast impact on us. Forgive me, but I wear this makeup because I want to...not for you. I put on some weight BECAUSE I WANT TO AND IT MAKES ME FEEL COMFORTABLE. I lose weight because I want to. So sorry to disappoint you, but I came to the bar with my girls tonight to dance and have fun, not to be hit on by you. My bad, but I chose to wear these leather leggings and low cut top because IT IS MY FREEDOM OF CHOICE...not because I want you to think I look good.

Social media, social media, social media. Tens of thousands of women on the net, comparing themselves to other women. Believe me when I say, social media is the RUINATION of happiness of this female generation, and generations to come. And for some reason, some men seem to think it’s okay to further objectify women, by imposing their own views and opinions on what makes a woman considerably attractive. AS IF I POST THESE PICTURES SO YOU CAN GAWK AT THEM. Give me a break. Followers, likes, comments...it’s all a trap so that women can feel better about themselves.

I took it upon myself to speak to a few female friends on this matter, and this is what they came up with.

“As a woman, it is terrifying that it is perpetuated that the most important thing about ourselves is our physical appearance. Social media makes it so difficult to not compare our own bodies to those of others - photos that are often retouched and filtered and not realistic. I have had an ex tell me that if I had this model’s body I would be so much more attractive while gesturing to her Instagram feed. It makes me feel that my character and my accomplishments and values are irrelevant unless, I, first, am “hot” in the eyes of a man.”

“Even just going out with friends for a night when you’re clubbing, you have to make sure you look good, do your makeup, hair and make sure that you have the perfect outfit just so you get noticed.” YEP.

“Men are under the extremely false assumption that their opinion matters.”

When I eventually have children, I sure as heck don’t ever want to hear my daughter talk about boys commenting on hers or anyone else’s appearance at school. I never ever want my daughter to come home crying to me that she doesn’t think she will ever be good enough for some guy, like I used to do. I never want my son to come home and tell me he was the reason some girl at school went on an unhealthy diet and is now anorexic. And I certainly don’t want my son to be the one to make the comments. These are all things we have to think about for the future generations of our children.

It makes me genuinely sad and unhappy, to know that we live in such a materialistic, judgemental and physical appearance based world. Man, what people could enjoy if they could understand that beauty is so FAR BEYOND physical appearance. I have so many incredible women who surround me, who beat themselves up (and that includes me!!!!!) because of the opinion of men. That makes me so sad. How do we ever expect change and growth if this keeps on happening? So for all my women reading this right now: YOU ROCK, GIRL POWER.

xo

[thefreshperspectives]

Body positivity

So recently I overheard this conversation between two women, and they were discussing looking good for the guys they were meeting up with later. “What pants are gonna make my butt look good so that he finds me more attractive?”

Okay back up.

This conversation really made me angry, and fueled me to write this blog post!

You’re perfect just the way you are. Think of it this way. You spend the entire day cleaning your entire house: washing the floor, vacuuming the rugs, dusting the shelves and tidying everything in order. Your home looks beautiful. It’s a work of art - a masterpiece. You can’t wait to have people over. Now, these people come over and they trash your house. They bring mud into it, they draw all over the walls, they deface it and they throw their food onto the ground. They disrespect it over and over. How bad does it make you feel? Pretty bad. You spent your whole day on your house, all for it to be ruined. Think of your body this way. You spend time getting ready, washing your face, putting your clothes on, taking a shower. You are ready to leave the house, after spending time on your body, and there you are making negative comments. Wishing you had a flatter stomach, a bigger butt, toned arms and legs, bigger eyes and full lips. You wish you looked like the celebrities, the A-listers, the people who pay people to make them look good. Your body puts up with you, houses you, defends you, is a masterpiece. And you want to trash it? You want to say negative things about yourself? You want to throw away its hard work? To disrespect yourself? Every time you shame your body, you hurt yourself.

I feel like women disrespect their bodies (and when I say disrespect, I mean use negative language and put downs) for two main reasons. A) Because of men and the society we have created, that objectifies women. B) Because of social media, and what we are surrounded with 24/7. Since when is it okay to have a woman walk down the street and someone cat calls her? Since when is it normal that women don’t feel safe walking alone at night, unless they’re carrying a rape whistle? Why are we STILL living in this sick society where women’s bodies are “meant to be there to appeal to men”???????? We also live in a “nudies” culture. Social media is everywhere, and everyone has access to their phones. Social media has become a platform for the distribution of racy pictures. And for what? Because they look good or appeal to the opposite sex? It is so normalized and I wish it wasn’t.

I am SO tired of women feeling like they’re not good enough for men or that they aren’t attractive enough. My god, I have spent countless times in front of the mirror bashing my appearance and self-image. And for what??? Is it healthy to abuse the place that houses me? Is it healthy to tell my body I hate it all because I’m worried that someone doesn’t find me attractive? It’s not healthy. There is nothing worse than comparison, and there’s nothing worse than feeling like you need to put yourself down for a man. So don’t do it! You are beautiful, and worth it and wanted. Appreciate this body of yours.

1) It fights for you and defends you when you’re sick.

2) It works with you and your busy lifestyle.

3) It moves with you and trains with you. It will go to new limits for you.

4) It is your home. You live there. Don’t disrespect and trash a place that you live in. Treat it with care.

4) It even will carry children for you!!!

If you’re having a hard time being body positive think of doing the following: - positive affirmations stuck to your mirror or walls…look at them every morning and say them out loud - try to limit your use of social media, wishing you looked like the other girls you see so often on the internet - don’t feel that you have to give in to popular culture; you’re allowed to be uncomfortable about certain things - have positive conversations with your friends, families and partner about your insecurities - back yourself up! You’re beautiful!

Xo

[thefreshperspectives]

February Intentions...

After giving it much thought, I have decided to create a monthly “intentions” book. This is to give me a chance to reflect on the daily happenings of life.

One of my February intentions is to be okay with the outcome of certain things. Over the past 2 months, I have had an incredible stress load (as I’m sure we all have from time to time).

This has made me realize several things. The first thing being, my self-reflection of who I am as a person is incredibly important. I do this frequently - always assessing my behaviour when I feel it’s necessary. I make mistakes. I mess up. I say silly things (we all do). I do dumb things at times (we all do). But I’m human. And I’m learning to live with that. If I didn’t do my best at something, then oh well - I’m okay with the outcome. If I’m late for school or work, then oh well, I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again. If people come and go in my life due to various circumstances, then it is what it is. I can’t control the outcome. And I’m okay with that.

We spend so much of our lives holding resentment towards others or situations, when we simply could just l e t t h e m g o and be okay with it. This brings me to my second point. Practicing “being okay” with this, is incredibly difficult for me, given my anxiety. But it’s so important to realize that some situations can’t be controlled, some things are NOT going to work out the way you want them to, and some people are meant to be lost. Things happen. Life is always changing, plans are always changing and people are always changing. How you adapt to this, speaks volumes about who you are as a person.

Being comfortable with uncomfortable situations, people and things is a huge step for me - and probably a huge step for others who may read this! (If anyone reads this...) Change your “I’m sorry” into “thank you.”

“Thank you for letting me vent to you about that” instead of “I’m sorry for venting to you.”

“Thank you for your patience and understanding towards me” instead of “I’m sorry you have to be so patient with me.”

“Thank you for understanding my busy schedule and being flexible” instead of “I’m sorry you have to deal with this.”

“Thank you for waiting for me” instead of, “I’m sorry I’m late.”

I am so lucky to have the wonderful people in my life who fully support this no matter what (you know who you are!!) Here’s to good February and March intentions!!

xo

[thefreshperspectives]

New Years Resolutions

I don’t normally make a New Years resolution, as I find that they are often silly and not useful (especially when I stop following them after 2 weeks), however, this year will be different.

Over the course of 2017, I have stressed about several things, and I mean several.

I have stressed over things I can’t control

I have stressed over situations I have no control over

I have stressed over the honest, or ignorant opinions of others

I have stressed over my physical health, mental health and well-being

I have stressed over people

I have stressed about school (this is a big one!!!)

I have stressed about the future

I have stressed over lack of self-care and down time

I have stressed over my self-esteem and self-worth

I have stressed over going to the gym and looking perfect

I have stressed over stressing too much

For 2018, I am making a promise to myself, that stress is just what it is: stress. Nothing good ever comes from stressing about anything, and I more than anyone can say that, because I am the queen of stress and worrying. I’ve made myself mentally and physically drained and ill, from overthinking and worrying, and quite frankly, I’m tired of it! This is why my New Years resolution is so stop stressing as much as I possibly can.

I want to incorporate more mindfulness into my busy daily routine, including “veg” time (binge-watching netflix, reading a book, exercising, meditating, etc). I am coming to realize the importance of stillness and the importance of doing “nothing,” and it’s wonderful. It gives the body a chance to rest and restore itself. Having people tell you you look exhausted or worn out, isn’t exactly the greatest compliment ever received. Go the extra mile to pamper yourself - even if it’s every night! Who cares!

“Be gentle with yourself; you’re doing the best that you can.”

xo

[thefreshperspectives]

The problem with dependence

Yep. We’ve all done it, or are currently doing it. We’re all depending on or have depended on someone or a group of people, to make up for what we think we lack. These are my 4 basic steps for making sure you never fall into a pattern of dependence (even though we all have at some point).

1. Stop assigning people power over your happiness. Once you give someone that power that they can control your emotions, they will do it endlessly. Snap out of it and treat yourself and your emotions with care, without depending on someone else to do it. Learn to practice self reliance. Say it with me: S-E-L-F R-E-L-I-A-N-C-E. It’s actually draining to rely on other people anyways.

2. Don’t let people tell you what to do. This one is actually the simplest. Butt out of other’s people business. Your opinion isn’t required unless it is asked for. Don’t assign others the power to make decisions for you. Do what you need to do, for you...no one else. Let that resonate with you.

3. Don’t idealize anyone. You are your own person and what you have and who you are is wonderful. Don’t look to others thinking that they may complete you. The most another person can do is complement. Look up to yourself. You’re perfect. You’re doing great. Keep doing you.

5. Stop looking for approval. That’s with anyone including a family member, friend, partner, spouse, whoever. Why do you care what people think anyways? Hear something that offends you? Brush it off and let it go. You really weren’t put on this earth to impress others except yourself. Yourself. The one person you’re going to be with for the rest of your life, so make sure you have your own approval. Stop looking at other people.

[thefreshperspectives]

It’s actually so shitty to feel things so deeply all the time. I am literally hypersensitive to everything, and I hate it sometimes. Angry that I am so empathetic all the time.

[thefreshperspectives]

What a support system looks like

Let’s discuss how crucial it is to have a solid foundation, or support system, while carrying on throughout life. So many of us just trudge along without making real connections with people. What have you done recently to reach out to someone? What have you done recently to make sure that someone knows they’re loved? 

Whenever I am facing an obstacle that feels bigger than myself, I have an incredible support system. Sometimes I think that I have the best family and friends in the entire world - because of everything that they do for me. Surround yourself with people who bring out nothing but the best in you, and would never wish to see you torn down. Delete negative and toxic people and situations from your life, because you will be so much better for it in the long run. I can think of many people who have been toxic to my health that I have hung on to for too long, only to realize I should have let them go a long time ago. Sometimes letting go is in fact, the best thing you can do for yourself. Hanging on to those good people, and those good friends, is so vital and so so SO important for good mental health. How many of my friends have let me call them in the middle of the night when I’ve been having a crisis? Every single one. And I would do the same for them. When you’ve established a solid foundation with a solid group of people, it makes life a little less stressful. 

People will come and go, and some will stress you out beyond belief. Some of the stress will be detrimental, and some of the stress will be beneficial. Some will cause harm to you mentally and emotionally (in which case it means time for them to go), and some will push you to greater heights, heights that you didn’t even think you were capable of achieving. 

Choose the latter. Stick with those who better you, who always make you feel like you’re number one, who do nothing but support you and who always make sure your feelings are a priority.

[thefreshperspectives]

What high functioning anxiety is really like

What's it like to live with high functioning anxiety? Feeling like going back to bed as soon as you wake up in the morning, but pushing through the day anyways, because you know it's not deemed as "appropriate" to take the day off. Appearing to have it all together in front of people, when in reality it would be much easier for you to cry, panic or let it out. Constantly feeling like you're not good enough, attractive enough, smart enough or interesting enough for anyone, and repeatedly beating yourself up for it. Feeling inadequate. All the time. Everyone has their life together but you. Having frequent emotional outbursts or periods of being angry for what you know are silly reasons, but because of anxiety, you simply can't help it. Experiencing fatigue all the time, no matter what you may or may not be doing that day. But let's not forget, those living with high functioning anxiety are super humans as well. What individuals with high functioning anxiety are good at: Hypersensitivity towards feelings and emotions in others. An over abundance of empathy. A need to make those who feel under appreciated or unloved, very appreciated and very loved. A feeling to fix people or things that appear broken or generally "unwell." Being super humans; doing everything for everyone all the time, without hesitation. Consistently putting others first: so much so that they have no energy left to expend on themselves. Having anxiety doesn't make you "psycho" or "crazy." It means that you may require the extra TLC that a typical person may not need. Remembering to care for yourself is the most important thing you can do!

[thefreshperspectives]

13 Reasons Why

Since it was Canadian mental health week last week, and upon finishing the TV series “13 Reasons Why” I have decided to dig deeper into the topic of mental illness. There is a saying as old as the hills: “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Or “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” It’s funny because yes actually, words do hurt. And so do actions. More than people realize.

The series is quite hard to take, and very graphic at times. There are many scenes that are very uncomfortable, and those which may evoke very negative emotions, as the whole series is centered around a teenage girl who commits suicide, and the 13 reasons leading up to why she did it. I do not agree with the way the show outlines suicide in the slightest, as it appears to be glamorized and definitely has the ability to brainwash a young and vulnerable teen experiencing a similar mental state as the main character. Nothing is left out, and there are 3 very graphic scenes of rape and suicide, which makes it extremely controversial for those watching everywhere – young and old. Without a doubt, the show magnifies vulnerabilities, which is definitely the worst part about it.

However, whether the show was created in poor taste, or whether or not it is controversial, it brings attention to the danger of suicide. As I previously mentioned, the episodes are quite controversial and thought provoking, and will have you thinking “wow, have I ever said or done something to someone that has made them want to take their own life?” And actually, a lot of people have been participating in the discussion…wondering if their actions have ever seriously affected someone. But do you know what the saddest part about all of this is? The fact that it takes a very graphic television show to make people realize how serious mental illness actually is. As a society, we always seem to wait until something tragic happens, before we make a move. We have to wait until a girl or boy KILLS his or herself before we realize just how serious suicide is? Or depression? Or any mental illness? We create these mental health days and weeks, and we use these social media trends as a way to raise money and awareness, yet suicide is still the second leading cause of death for teenagers around the world. Shocking isn’t it? We live in a world where some people feel as though their life is useless, and that the only way out is by ending it. The problem is that many people who are on the verge of taking their lives, don’t look as if they are. That’s what the hardest part about all of this is, and this is why it is so crucial to reach out to people. However, if it’s easy to spot, and someone is telling you they are really struggling with life, then it is up to you to do something about it, and start the conversation. Simply saying “you’ll get over it” or “just move on and don’t worry” IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE THE ISSUE. PERIOD.

Think of the countless bystanders to bullies, who sit and watch bullying happen but never, ever do anything about it due to fear. I currently work and have worked in various school and community settings with children – and I witness how cruel kids can be every single day. The name calling that goes on, and the physical fights are mind blowing. The worst part is that it starts at such a young age. Our executive function (or our frontal lobe) isn’t fully developed until we are well into our twenties. In fact, our executive functions are required in order to control our thoughts and emotions, including what we say and what we do. Children are vulnerable. Teenagers are vulnerable. They soak in so much of their environment without even being fully aware that they are doing so. Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Music.ly, you name it…kids are involved in it. Even this very TV show which kids are involved in, is controversial in itself. Which brings us to the topic of social media, and how social media and cyber bullying play a huge role in mental illness these days.  Nowadays, kids are so plugged in, that snapchat has become essential to their lives – even for the very wrong reasons. It is so, so important to be careful of what is being sent and who it is being sent to, at all times. But unfortunately, some kids don’t realize this until it’s too late. And words. Words hurt. A lot. One thing that you say to someone can negatively impact them for a very long time. Please choose your words wisely. Be careful what you say to people because you never really know what they’re going through unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

Think about the words you use. Think about the actions you perform. Think about the consequences that may follow. 13 Reasons Why is a TV show, which at times, depicts the concept of suicide very poorly, and glamorizes it quite a lot. However, at the same time, it brings light to a real life issue, that real people are facing every single day, and that’s important.

[thefreshperspectives]

A slightly uncomfortable topic

I’ve spent most of my Sunday reading “Tuesdays With Morrie,” and after almost completing the book, I can honestly say it is one of the most useful books I have ever read. Without divulging too much (in case anyone wants to read it), the book is about a retired professor who struggles with Lou Gehrig’s disease, more commonly known as ALS. Throughout his struggles with the disease and while he is dying, the professor meets with one of his old students – Mitch, every Tuesday, to dissect a topic that the student has brought in for discussion. Some of the topics include ‘love,’ ‘family,’ ‘meaning of life,’ ‘dying,’ etc. The dying professor, aka Morrie wises constructs an answer to each question that his student, Mitch, has for him. Although he is dying, he makes the best of every situation and believes that every life occurrence has a purpose – that life is too short to take people, places and situations for granted. This book makes you confront death head on, all whilst leaving you with hundreds of questions and thoughts.

 Death is something that I have always feared immensely, ever since I was a child. When I was a child, I never fully grasped the concept of it, and always thought that people could magically come back to life. In fact, I still won’t comfortably approach an open casket at a funeral, because I’m always afraid that the deceased will pop out of the casket. As ridiculous as it is, it’s a real fear. As I have gotten older, I have found it easier to understand the meaning of life. With every day that passes, I have been able to recognize that time does not stand still for anyone, and I can see myself and the ones that I love are getting older, and that terrifies me. It is so easy to complain that we wish we had this, we wish we were doing that, we wish we could go here, we’re not happy, etc, etc. Complaining is so, so easy to do, and we are all guilty of it. But my mom always has a saying “we can always complain until something worse happens.”

So my question is this: why do we always wait until something horrible happens to either ourselves or someone we know or love, before we decide to change our lives? Before we decide to not take anything or anyone for granted? Throughout the book, Morrie discusses the importance of genuinely caring for people, as well as caring for the moment that we live in. Too many individuals are simply too caught up in the materialism of their own lives to actually take a second to stop and think about what it means to be alive. That life can be taken from us at any second. Our lives can be changed for the worst in any second. All it takes is a second for anything to happen – yet here we all are, becoming consumed in so many things that shouldn’t take such precedent in our lives. “The culture doesn’t encourage you to think about such things until you’re about to die. We’re so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks – we’re involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going.” Morrie points out the importance of recognizing what is most important in life, rather than actually minuscule and/or materialistic details.

“To know you’re going to die, and to be prepared for it at any time. That’s better. That way you can actually be more involved in your life while you’re living it. Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” Realistically, no one decides to actually live their lives, until it is too late, or until something unexpected occurs that leaves them with no choice. As cheesy or classic as it may sound, there is no better time to appreciate all that life has to offer than the present. If it is something as small as enjoying your morning cup of tea or coffee that will get you through the day, then so be it. Our lives are way too short to toy with, and we often forget that eventually, everyone who lives will die. We get so caught up in this “live fast, die young” sort of attitude and lifestyle that we forget we all will have to go at some point. When we better understand the concept of death, and better prepare ourselves for it, we become so in tune with ourselves that we understand just what it means to be fully alive, and how to appreciate our life while we are still healthy, happy and with it.

Moral of story and moral of “Tuesdays With Morrie” is: LIVE YOUR LIFE, and by ‘live,’ I mean really live.

[thefreshperspectives]

Let’s talk about what it means to be equal

A topic I find that is of great importance is equality. That all people should be treated equal no matter their race, sexuality, religion, gender, etc.

So here’s my issue. It’s now the 21st century and as a society, we are still stereotyping and still judging. This isn’t to say that society hasn’t come a long way, because it has. But there is still some cleaning up to do.

My first example is the concept of disability. As an educator and someone who works very closely with children of all ages, I see this kind of inequality every single day. Children who are viewed as having a disability are quite often picked on at school due to their difference. Visible or not, these children are no different than any “typically developing” child or however you would like to word it, except for the fact that they are beautifully unique in their own way. I’ve seen people with disabilities being patted on the head, like they are dogs or some kind of animal. No in fact, they are humans and do not require such belittling gestures. Additionally, various buildings are still not even wheelchair accessible or properly equipped with resources for those who require the assistance, which speaks volumes regarding how disability is still viewed. Is someone making a strange noise in the grocery store? Why are you staring at them? Rather, you should be focusing on your weekly grocery shop, as they are not causing harm to you in any way. I have seen these cases with children or adults who have Tourette’s syndrome, and often call out in public places.

My second example is the concept of homosexuality. People are transgender. People are gay. People are lesbians, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. But my issue lies with those who go out of their way to make others feel different or unequal because of it. Same sex marriage is actually legal in the following countries, as well as many, many others. Canada, Belgium, Brazil, Argentina, Denmark and Finland are just some of the many examples. It makes me sick when people make comments such as “being gay is so wrong” or “being gay is totally un-normal.” Actually, what’s wrong is that kind of attitude towards it…so honestly, just let people love who they want to love, and let them be happy in their own skin.

My third example outlines the importance of every single job in the work world. That bathroom in your school you are using, is cleaned and maintained by a custodian. The medicine that you take when you are sick, is produced by a pharmacist. The garbage that comes out of your home, and goes at the end of your driveway every week, is cleared by a garbage man. As a child or teen, your house is always clean and your meals are made because your stay at home mom or dad works their butt off every day for you. Your illness or disease is cured because your doctor took the necessary measures to do so. Everything in life requires a job. Having a higher paying job than someone else, or a job at all, doesn’t make you better than someone without a job, or with a lower paying one. TREAT EVERYONE WITH RESPECT. It is not a difficult concept.

My fourth example outlines the importance of recognizing race, culture, gender and religion. In Ontario alone, aboriginal youth are one of the most segregated groups of individuals, and have incredibly high depression and suicide rates because of it. We all have different skin colours. We all believe in different Gods, or maybe no Gods at all. We all eat different foods, and practice different values. We all bleed red. It is important to always stop and recognize the amazing things that various cultures and races have done for us - with Black History Month being just one example. It is important that we do not stereotype a group of people based on something that has occurred due to extremism.

Let’s take into consideration how much we can learn from everyone around us. Growing up in my household, I was taught to treat everyone with respect – from the janitor of the school to the CEO of a multimillion dollar company. This isn’t to say that I have never made a judgement or stereotyped, because I have. In fact, we all have (consciously or subconsciously). But I am well aware of the importance of appreciating all people for who they are and what they do. And just because someone lives a different life than you, definitely does not mean they are doing it wrong. If you want to be treated well by others, then please treat others well in return.

[thefreshperspectives]

My recipe for happiness

It’s easy to get roped into the same old routine, it’s easy to get into a rut, it’s easy to have consistent negative thoughts about yourself and your life. What isn’t easy, is challenging and changing that. Once you’ve ‘built a life’ so to speak, that is based on general unhappiness, it can be hard to jump out of that. It’s going to sound like super common knowledge, but the fact of the matter is…a lot of people do not know how to change their lives for the better. I have composed a small list of what I do to boost my mood, and change my thoughts, to actively engage with my life and live it to the fullest.

 1.       TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

We do not realize the importance of self-care, and how it really makes the world of difference in our lives. I go to bed at a consistent time every weekday night, and every weekend night. And it has a great impact on my mood and body. Our bodies need a considerable amount of sleep to be able to function properly, and restore themselves so that they can continue doing their best for us the next morning! I also have a very strict diet, consisting of plenty of veggies and fruit, plenty of healthy fats for my brain, lots of protein, some carbohydrates and little to no added sugar or fat. Generally when you feed your body nourishing food, it responds well. Who feels sluggish when they eat at a fast food restaurant, or when they consume too many chocolates or candies? It’s not a good feeling, and it’s only doing damage to your system anyways. I love treats, don’t get me wrong, but I keep my indulgence to one or two days a week, with small treats. Kale can actually be delicious if it’s in a smoothie! Or broccoli, if it’s roasted. There are many ways to add these otherwise bland and unappealing foods to our diets, that makes them interesting! Exercise exercise exercise!!! I aim to go to the gym 5-6 times per week, varying my sessions every day. Exercising reaps absolutely amazing benefits: boosts our endorphins, fights heart disease and cancer, clears out our pores and boosts our self-esteem tremendously! Working towards a body or exercise goal is an instant mood booster.

 2.       BUILD GOALS AND WORK TOWARDS THEM

This is a very important one; it stems from what you want most out of life, and how you are going to get it. If your goal is to save up money to work towards buying your dream house or car, then do it. If your goal is to start eating healthier, do it. If your goal is as simple as learning to play a new instrument or master a new skill, then do it. When we have things to work towards in life, it gives us a sense of meaning and purpose. Right now, my current goal is working towards having one of the professions that I have my heart set on, and I set aside a certain amount of hours per week, to get there. No excuses, plain and simple. If you want something bad enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to get it. Get up and get moving!

 3.       DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE

Doing something for someone else is actually so beneficial for one’s own self-worth and esteem. Not only because making others feel good, makes you feel good too, but because it’s a reflection of who you are as a person, and what you are capable of doing for someone. When you channel your empathy towards other people, you’re actually opening yourself up to new emotions, feelings and thoughts, which you may not have known you have had. Kindness does not cost a thing. At all. It is not difficult to do something wonderful for someone, whether you know them or not. People are people: we all bleed red and we all walk this earth.

 4.       DON’T BE AFRAID TO SAY NO

Sometimes we are so exhausted, that we just cannot attend that party, or we just cannot go to that place at that time with those people. And that’s okay. In fact, there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying ‘NO’ to anyone, about anything, at any time. I do it frequently, as a way to recharge and take care of myself first. If you are uncomfortable with anything, if it’s uninteresting to you, if it is just to please someone, or if it is completely unmanageable with what you have to do, don’t be afraid to say no. Take a minute to think about all that you do and all that you are all the time, and if it doesn’t suit you or isn’t in your best interest, then don’t do it.

 5.       TAKE A MINUTE TO PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Be thankful for all that you have and all that you are. “I thank the universe for taking everything it has taken, and giving to me, everything it is giving.” – Rupi Kaur

This quote is so important, because when something goes wrong in our lives, we tend to immediately think ‘my life is over, why did this happen, etc etc.’ When in reality, there is usually a big picture reason why that relationship didn’t work out, or why you didn’t get that job, etc. As cliché as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason, and when things don’t work out or if everything appears to be going wrong, just remember to think about what it is that you still have in your life, and appreciate that. Practicing gratitude goes a long way. I find myself getting frustrated or angry with certain things, but then I breathe, and remember that not everything works out the way that we want it to, and if something doesn’t work, it wasn’t meant to be. I constantly think about the things that have been taken from me that I was once upset about, and turn them into what I have actually been given, instead.

[thefreshperspectives]

Let’s talk about mental health

I am a huge advocate for mental health and will talk about it whenever I feel it’s necessary. Mental health is such a “taboo” topic. There are so many negative connotations associated with the terms ‘mental’ and ‘illness,’ as if it is deemed as something that is horrible, and should never be spoken of. Sure, there are certain days dedicated towards it, such as Bell Let’s Talk, but at the end of that day, mental illness seems to get brushed under the rug until the next year’s campaign.

I have generalized anxiety, which at times, negatively impacts the way I live my life as well as the way I perceive myself and others. Dealing with anxiety isn’t easy, and I know that there are several people who have it way worse than I do. However, it is still prevalent, as certain people, circumstances and memories usually trigger it. I’ve had several friends come to me with comments like “I just can’t catch a break” or “how would I know if I had a mental illness?” This goes to show how prevalent they actually are in society. Proof that if you’re reading this and you have a mental illness or negative mental health that you are working towards bettering – YOU ARE NOT ALONE :)

We live in an incredibly fast paced society, with several everyday stressors that heavily impact our lives. We are overloaded with job stress, financial stress, education stress, relationship stress, personal stress, etc. It is hard enough to keep up with all of this, let alone finding time to take a minute to check in with ourselves, to reflect on how we are feeling inside. There are days and nights where I do not feel like interacting with anyone, which is completely normal. I find myself playing the piano, meditating, reading, watching Netflix, journaling or doing any of the things that relax me and make me happy. It’s important to recharge. It’s healthy to recharge. Self-care is so, so important for mental health – more than a lot of people realize I think. There’s nothing wrong with saying ‘no,’ if it means spending a day or night checking in with yourself.

Why is it seen as okay for people to talk about how drunk they are getting at a bar, or how many different people they’ve slept with, but suddenly it’s not okay to talk about how hard it was for you to get out of bed in the morning because you didn’t want to face the day?

“It is an odd paradox that a society, which can now speak openly and unabashedly about topics that were once unspeakable, still remains largely silent when it comes to mental illness.” - Glenn Close

Think about that one. Could it be because as a society, we have grown to become more ignorant towards one another? That drugs, alcohol and partying have become more significant?

Why is mental illness and negative mental health so stigmatized? Why are we as a society still using words such as ‘crazy’ ‘psycho’ ‘bipolar’ ‘OCD’ ‘mental’ as adjectives? I’m still waiting for the answers regarding all of these questions. I think it’s so important to think critically about the topic of mental illness, and to think about how many millions of people it impacts every year. You’re not the minority if you experience panic attacks, if you worry excessively, if find yourself struggling to get out of bed in the morning, amongst many other scenarios.

“At the root of this dilemma is the way we view mental health in this country. Whether an illness affects your heart, your leg or your brain, it’s still an illness, and there should be no distinction.” – Michelle Obama

^^^ If someone you know broke their leg and couldn’t play the sports they wanted to, or became paralyzed and was told they could never walk again, you wouldn’t tell them to “not worry about it” or “just get over it.” The same thing applies to mental illness and/or negative mental health. It does not differ from any physical illness that can be easily seen or recognized. And just because it isn’t in your face, doesn’t mean it isn’t there, and certainly does not mean people don’t have to deal with it every single day. If you’re struggling, just know you are loved, take some time for self-care and take some time to figure out how it is that you are going to try and put your pieces back together. If you’re not struggling, make sure you reach out to someone you may know who is. Lend an ear or lend a hand. Don’t do anything to provoke the situation, and simply accept the other person for who they are.

 Till next week friends! Xo