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[thegoodmeow]

In Today’s Crumb of a Crisis: Humans Can’t Say Croissant

A newsroom update from someone with actual taste.

So apparently the internet imploded because one human pronounced “croissant” as “Prashant,” and now we’re here. Again. Screaming into the void over flaky breakfast carbs.

Naturally, the entire species hit pause on wars, taxes, and existential dread to argue about pastry linguistics. People are naming their pets Prashant. Cafes are reprinting menus. There’s already merch.

We’d mock it harder, but honestly? It’s the most productive meltdown we’ve seen this week.

No one was harmed. Nothing was set on fire. And no one tried to turn it into a podcast. Progress.

This has been The Good Meow, reporting live from the only newsroom that actually makes sense.

[thegoodmeow]

The Great Water Heist: Humans Have Decided They Can Rename the Ocean

BREAKING MEWS:

In their never-ending quest to control things that do not belong to them, humans have apparently decided that the Gulf of Mexico needs a fresh, new name.

Enter: The Gulf of America.

Because reasons.

Yes, dear readers, the water itself remains unchanged. The waves still wave, the fish still do whatever it is they do (I wouldn’t know, I don’t care). And yet, somehow, a group of humans has determined that simply calling it something different makes it theirs.

It’s a bold move. I respect the audacity. However, as a cat, it’s my duty to remind everyone that just because you call something yours doesn’t mean it actually is.

Otherwise, I would have already renamed the couch “My Throne of Indifference” and claimed full sovereignty over the entire kitchen counter.

A Brief History of Humans Renaming Things That Aren’t Theirs

This isn’t the first time. Humans love renaming things they don’t own. Historical examples include:

🐾 Land – This usually ends in war, treaties, and a lot of passive-aggressive glances at maps.

🐾 Space – They put a flag on the moon and called it a day. (No one lives there. No one asked.)

🐾 The Internet – They keep adding “X” to things and pretending it’s revolutionary.

And now? The literal ocean.

What’s next? Perhaps they will:

• Rename rain to “American Sky Juice™.”

• Require a patent number for the wind.

• Make swimming a licensed activity.

Frankly, I wouldn’t put it past them.

Google Enters the Chaos

To make things even messier, Google—the all-knowing digital overlord—has decided to play along.

Except even Google seems confused.

Consider what happens when searching for this body of water:

• Search in the U.S.: Gulf of America

• Search in Mexico: Gulf of Mexico

• Search elsewhere: Gulf of Mexico (Gulf of America) — apparently, indecision now reigns.

It’s like when humans can’t agree on a pet’s name, so they just mash them together.

(Looking at you, Mr. Whiskers McFluffington Pancake III.)

Should We, as Cats, Care?

No.

This is 100% a human problem.

However, it’s an excellent reminder that humans will argue over literally anything.

Meanwhile, we cats have a far simpler approach to ownership:

🐾 If we want something, we take it.

🐾 If we don’t want something, we ignore it.

🐾 If someone else wants what we have, we sit on it just to make a point.

Honestly, Mexico and the U.S. could both learn a lot from us.

Final Verdict: Humans Are At It Again

• Will this name change stick? Maybe.

• Will it cause unnecessary drama? Definitely.

• Will I lose sleep over it? Absolutely not.

So, while humans argue over what to call a giant body of water, I will be here:

🐾 Sprawled across the warmest sunbeam.

🐾 Contemplating the mysteries of the red dot.

🐾 Wondering why humans waste so much time when they could be napping.

Oh, and one last thing—in actual news that matters—cat rescues everywhere need help.

If humans are so obsessed with renaming things, maybe they could rename “stray cats” to “future beloved family members.”

Now that’s a name change I could get behind.

📰 Reporting live from the top of the fridge, this has been The Good Meow.

[thegoodmeow]

In Other Stupid Human News, A Bird Died. We Are Not Mourning.

Today, in yet another display of baffling human behavior, a mascot bird has allegedly died. That’s right—Duolingo’s beloved green menace has taken its final flight (allegedly). Humans are in mourning, hashtags are flying, and for some reason, this is a tragedy.

We, at The Good Meow, are struggling to see the problem. A bird is gone? Good. We would like to personally thank the universe for this service. In fact, if this is the direction things are going, may we suggest a few other birds that should follow suit?

Birds That Should Also Retire From Existence (Preferably Within Paw’s Reach):

•The One Outside My Window at 5 AM – You know who you are. Please consider relocating to another dimension.

•The Parrot Who Repeats Human Nonsense – We can barely tolerate humans talking, let alone their feathery little stenographers.

•Pigeons – No one respects you. Not even humans. You are sky rats.

•That One Smug Crow – You’re too smart, and we don’t like it.

That being said, we must acknowledge one thing: humans love this bird. We don’t understand it, but we respect the devotion. If a bird can get this much attention, imagine what can be done for more deserving causes—like feeding your local stray cat or finally upgrading our food bowls to the extra-large size.

And while we personally will not be holding a candlelight vigil for this winged mascot, we will say this: if you must cry over a bird, at least make it educational. Duolingo does teach languages, and if we were interested in anything besides the language of demanding food, we might even download the app.

Follow duolingo for more bird-related drama, and while you’re at it, follow us too—because The Good Meow is the only news source with claws.

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have to go knock some things off the desk in celebration.

— The Good Meow, reporting live from the top of the fridge.