thegreatelisamousy

[thegreatelisamousy]

Guild: Listen here, you son of a bitch-

Sanguine: Don't you dare talk shit about my mama!

Guild: I meant your father.

Sanguine: Fair enough, carry on.

[thegreatelisamousy]

If you’re going to be an idiot, at least put safety goggles on. Practice safe stupidity.

Donegan, to Gracious with a great deal of fondness, probably.  (via incorrectspquotes)

[thegreatelisamousy]

Umbrella Academy Request addition

Figured maybe I could alternatively also list the details for the request and hope someone finds it and picks it up (kinda detailed, but these can be changed a bit at your convenience, this is just how things have partially come together in my head):

-Diego and Luther are stuck somewhere where it’s just the two of them -Diego has been drugged with essentially sex pollen -Diego and Luther have been pining after each other for YEARS but neither had said anything about it -Diego begs Luther to fuck him but Luther doesn’t want to ‘take advantage of him’ -Luther finally gives in when Diego becomes a needy, begging mess -Diego confesses his feelings in the middle of it, but Luther thinks it’s the drug talking -Diego loving Luther’s body and being quite vocal about it (I’m a sucker of Luther body positivity) -Diego being all cuddly once he’s spent -Diego's stutter comes out, big time, once he really starts feeling it -Luther tries to be gentle, despite how much Diego wants him to just fuck him senseless

(I kinda wanna write a sequel to this myself where Diego wakes up the following morning remembering none of it, but by no means does that mean you have to stop it when he passes out. Feel free to continue it on to the next day or longer, just please give these boys a happy ending)

[thegreatelisamousy]

Umbrella Academy Request

Tiny hope that someone will see this that can help, but.... does anyone know where I can make a request for an Umbrella Academy fanfic where it might be likely to actually be written? (Specifically smut, Luther/Diego)

Please help, this idea has been driving me nuts, but it’s a thing I want to read, not write!

[thegreatelisamousy]

This place, these people, were my escape, practically all I had socially during this whole shitshow, but I feel like it’s been made clear that I’m no longer welcome

[thegreatelisamousy]

You know you’re a bad person when people just boot you from their lives without even telling you why

[thegreatelisamousy]

Toxic

I truly, honestly, genuinely feel like I’m a toxic friend. I’m needy, I can be fickle without meaning to, I get jealous, I can have a VERY one-track mind, to the point of annoyance, and sometimes anger to other people. I’m just... overall a bad friend, but I’m too selfish to let anyone go, even though I know I should, that they’ll be better off without me, but I’m too terrified of the loneliness that would follow to do it

[thegreatelisamousy]

Where did the announcement come from? I was digging a little online to try to find more information, and while I can’t quite tell what the validity of the sources are, and as I’m not in the area, I don’t know the full situation, but one source I found said that only 2% of parents are vying for that, and another said that students SHOULD be able to graduate into the next grade (or from their senior year) with no problem.

Now again, I can’t be sure, but both sources I saw were updated within the past 24 hours, so just hold onto the hope and idea that it IS an April Fools prank. If it is, it’s shitty and cruel, and if it’s not, I’m so, so sorry

If this is an April Fools prank I’m gonna cry.

But there was an announcement today that all WV students have to repeat their current grade-level.

I can’t handle this, I can’t 

[thegreatelisamousy]

People genuinely wonder why I don’t tell them when I get mad or upset at something they do, but then they get mad at me when I do

[thegreatelisamousy]

I swear to god you just channeled Dark from this particular rp, and even though I’m not a part of it, I still fear

Ifuckingdeleteditthere’snowayhefuckingsawthat

[thegreatelisamousy]

Idea

So, I enjoy those like... 100 theme challenges. I’ve got a few different Ego AUs in the works, and I kinda wanna do some 100 Theme stuff with them at some point relatively soon. I might do a few different versions. And then when Heist 2 comes out, if and when we get new Egos, I’ll probably do another one, honestly. But just wanted to let people know that that might be on the way  = )

[thegreatelisamousy]

Character Description: Zudronn

Zudronn is a bugbear paladin, an unusual combination. He is categorized as Lawful Evil, taking the Oath of the Ancients not for the good of others, but for that of himself.

Zudronn began as a simple street entertainer, a juggler, and at the time, he may have more toed the line between Neutral Good and Neutral. He enjoyed seeing the happiness on people’s faces as he performed--the money he’d earned was always a bonus, of course. The town he’d discovered didn’t really care about race, after all, only that you could do something. In Zudronn’s case, it was entertain.

His own plans for his life, taking to the more civilized rule than his family, made him a disgrace among his people, unable to ever return home. The fact sometimes gets to him, but he easily shrugs it off.

One day, however, he began to grow restless. There was something missing, something wrong. He became quick to anger, quick to lash out. His bugbear nature was rearing its head once again. That was when he discovered the gladiator pits.

He could still entertain, as he enjoyed. He’d never been too bad with weapons, especially blunt force. It seemed like he had found something to satisfy both his nature and his odd desires.

It didn’t take long for Zudronn to raise in popularity and rank in the pits, always using a hand-carved club, with a spiral handle and thick body, perfect for bashing his opponent’s skull in.

It eventually went missing, and he flew into a rage. He knew someone had taken it, but he’d threatened and attacked all the other gladiators, so he discovered none of them had taken it. Somehow, a spectator must have found it and taken it, and they were probably long gone. He was determined to go after them, to get it back, but his deal with the owner of the pits left him unable to leave.

Until he appeared. A man on large armor, carrying a huge broadsword with a shiny pendant around his neck. He was, evidently, a paladin, and looking for someone to join him on his quest. Zudronn saw this as his chance to go out and find who had taken his club, and to regain what was rightfully his. He was the first volunteer.

He didn’t care much for the religious aspect of the job, but it would get him where he needed to be. When he learned of the oaths a paladin would take, his first choice was, naturally, the Oath of Vengeance, but the paladin who’d ‘saved’ him was quickly gaining his respect, and convinced him that there were other paths, a way for him to get what he desired without falling to vengeance. It took a lot of time, but he was slowly swayed to following the Oath of the Ancients.

The paladin had managed to instill into Zudronn the importance of the law, of rules. It went against his own nature, but when it was stated that if he was caught and arrested, he would never achieve his goal, and he begrudgingly agreed, slowly adopting these values as his own. His priority was, and always will be, his own purpose, his own desires, but now he knew it was best to obey the rules of society to get him the farthest in life.

He spent years with his mentor, learning the ways of the paladin, Zudronn helping the man on his quest. When they were finished, they agreed to part ways, as the man desired to go home to his family, while Zudronn still had a quest of his own to complete.

He still wanders, looking for his club, the only piece of home he still treasured, and the thief who’d stolen it. He may obey and respect the laws of society now, but he would still make an exception once he found the person who’d taken it.

[thegreatelisamousy]

Choose Your Character

The Host shuffled through the character sheets he’d made nervously. Having had much of his homework done in advance, and two of his classes cancelled, he’d had more than enough time to put them together.

A lot of them. Maybe twenty was a bit much...

He was just spreading them out on the coffee table when he heard Bing approach.

“Holy shit!” the android said. “Are those all character sheets?”

The Host nodded. “The Host thought he would make a variety, so that whoever ends up picking last isn’t stuck with the last one by default. But he... may have gone a bit overboard.

“You think?”

“Does Bing know if everyone has dice yet?” the Host asked. If his plan to choose the order of who picked a character fairly was going to work, everyone needed a set of dice.

“Yeah, Dr. Iplier took us all to get dice the other day,” he replied. “There’s a gaming store in town, huge variety.” He pulled out the small, plastic box D&D dice usually came in, housing seven semi-transparent, orange dice. The almost looked like candy.

It didn’t take long for everyone else to show up, all making some kind of comment on his sheer number of character sheets. Yes, he overdid it, he knew that. But it was just... way too much fun. And Dr. Iplier buying him Volo’s Guide to Monsters didn’t exactly help much, giving him even more races to play with.

When everyone was situated, the Host spoke. “First, everyone needs to take out their d20. They’re going to roll for initiative.”

“Roll for what?” Dr. Iplier asked.

“Initiative,” he repeated. “It determines the turn order in battle, the higher the number, the earlier the turn. In this case, each person’s initiative determines the order they choose.”

“You just... made us characters?” CJ asked.

“We don’t get to make our own?” RJ didn’t sound at all upset or disappointed, just curious, but the Host shrunk in on himself slightly all the same.

“The Host... didn’t want to throw everything about the game at everyone all at once,” he explained. “Creating a character can be complicated, and the first campaign is going to be a oneshot, so everyone can make their own characters next time. But... he just thought it would be easier...” He motioned to the papers strewn about on the table. “But he made a wide variety, so... he hopes everyone finds something they’ll like...”

“That was a good idea,” Illinois commented, and the Host relaxed a little. He reached for one of the sheets to read it, but his hand was batted away.

“Roll for initiative,” the Host told him again.

Everyone rolled, and Silver rolled the highest, and 18, while Bing rolled a 15, Illinois a 12, CJ a 10, RJ a 5, and Dr. Iplier rolled a nat 1, earning a snort from the Host.

He motioned to the sheets he’d provided. “As Silver rolled the highest, he gets first pick.”

Silver rifled through the sheets for a bit, glancing up and asking, “How much detail did you go into with making these?”

“The Host chose the name, sex, race, class, background, some of their background traits, their stats, skills, and equipment.”

“I’m not complaining,” Illinois began, “but is there anywhere we can go with making the character from there?”

“The Host said he chose a background and background traits. He did not, however, write their entire history. That is up to the player--they just need to clear it with the Host to make sure it fits into the world he’s creating.”

Silver finally produced a sheet, making his decision. “I think I like... Beiric?” He guessed on the pronunciation, but when he wasn’t corrected, he continued. “A high elf monk that was a soldier.”

The Host grinned, and no one was sure they liked the possible implications of that. “Bing’s turn.”

Bing was already looking through them, so he quickly picked up one of them. His eyes were rapidly flashing orange, indicating he was doing some kind of internet search. “I think I like this Zudronn guy.” He looked at the others. “He’s a bugbear paladin gladiator.”

“What the fuck is a bugbear?” Dr. Iplier blurted.

Bing laughed. “That’s what I was just looking up. I guess it’s some kind of creature distantly related to goblins? But he seems like a lot of fun to play.”

“My turn, then,” Illinois said, looking through them. He read each sheet carefully, flipping them over to read more of what the Host had for the character bio. “Hey Host?” he asked, continuing to read. “What’s a tabaxi?”

“Tabaxis are cat people,” he explained. “Not like... humans with cat ears and a tail. Actual cat people.”

“Huh. I think I like this Smoke character, then. A rogue hero sounds fun.” He grinned. “Especially an assassin hero.”

Dr. Iplier raised a brow. He looked at the Host. “You made an assassin hero?”

“The Host rolled the characters,” he explained. “Each race, class, and background got a number, the Host rolled for it. So... tabaxi assassin folk hero.”

Dr. Iplier just shook his head with a fond smile, watching as CJ rifled through the sheets before picking a seemingly random one. “Zerissa, tiefling warlock pirate.” He looked at the Host. “Tieflings are those one that have demon heritage, right?”

The Host actually seemed surprise. “Yes, how did--?”

“We did some digging,” CJ replied.

“We wanted to know what might be coming so... we looked some stuff up,” RJ added, already picking his own character. “Mog the Barren, orc barbarian outlander.” He laughed. “This is gonna be fun. I am so the tank!”

Remembering the sheer number of axes he’d given Mog, the Host was inclined to agree.

Finally, it came time for Dr. Iplier to pick, and it didn’t take him long to find the one cleric the Host had rolled.

“The Host kind of figured Dr. Iplier would choose Iarra,” he replied. “Even though she is a criminal.”

“Hey, she’s also a wood elf and a cleric, so shut up,” he replied. “Besides, I kind of wanna see how much of an asshole I can turn her into.”

“Dr. Iplier, no!”

“Dr. Iplier, yes.”

[thegreatelisamousy]

Form a Group

The Host entered the dorm’s office, setting the books he’d just bought down on the table in front of him. He opened the first one, D&D Player’s Handbook and D&D Monster Manual. He planned on getting the DM’s guide soon, but he wanted to make sure he knew the rules of the game, and all the different monsters before anything else.

He was halfway through the first chapter when he heard Bing said, “What’s that?”

He jumped slightly, whipping his head around, closing the book, and hiding it under the desk, conveniently forgetting about the Monster Manual still in plain sight. “Nothing!” he said quickly.

“Are you... planning on playing Dungeons and Dragons?” the android asked.

The Host felt his face flush. “Well... The Host’s friend Grace has a group, and she let him sit in on a game once. It looked interesting, but it’s a group of eight, which is large enough as is, so... the Host isn’t able to join.” He picked at the sleeves of his coat. “And so, the Host was... He was hoping he could start his own, but he has to learn the rules first, before he can play. And he’d probably have to DM.” He paused, a small smile crossing his face. “Not much fun when someone knows everything the DM has planned.”

“Huh,” Bing replied, and the Host was just waiting for the teasing. “Do you have any takers yet?”

“The Host hasn’t... exactly told anyone yet,” he confessed. “He doesn’t want the others to make fun of him for playing something... nerdy.”

Bing just laughed. “Dude, I’ll play, don’t worry. That sounds like a lot of fun! And if you want, I can ask everyone. I won’t even say you’re running it yet.”

The Host just stared at him for a long moment. “The Host thanks Bing,” he said quietly before turning back to his book. He needed to understand.

-

“Hey, anyone wanna play D&D?” Bing asked the following morning at breakfast.

Dark raised a brow. “What brought this on?”

He shrugged. “I have a friend who was gonna start a game, but he needs a group. I promised him I’d ask you guys.”

Both Jims looked excited. “We’ll do it!” the exclaimed without hesitation.

Illinois grinned. “Sounds like fun,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “Count me in.”

“I’ll give it a try,” Silver offered.

When no one else said anything, Bing grinned, looking at the Host. “Looks like you got a group! Five people sounds good!”

The Host’s face flushed as he felt sixteen pairs of eyes on him. Dr. Iplier set his hand on the Host’s shoulder and said, “Make that six.”

“Do you have a campaign idea yet?” Illinois asked, curiously.

“The Host has a one-shot in the works,” he replied. “He has a few things he still has to work out, so meet him in the south lounge on the second floor on the Union next Friday at seven.”

Silver frowned. “Are we going to have to make our own characters?”

The Host gave a mysterious smile. “Don’t worry, the Host has that covered, as well.”

[thegreatelisamousy]

"I can’t eat that!”

King leaned against the cave wall, feeling a bit weak. The last time he’d eaten was two days ago, shortly before he and the others had started their search. Now, here he was, trapped in a cave, with no food. He was lucky there was a small stream a little further in.

His eyes were closed, but he cracked one open when he heard quick, almost scuttling footsteps approaching. It was dark, so he could only see the white shape against the dark cave, and something dropped in front of him. He rubbed his eyes, sitting up properly to see what it was.

There was a dead fucking rabbit on the ground.

“Bim!” King exclaimed, backing up a few feet in surprise, looking up to see the incredibly pale, taught face with clouded eyes and a mouth full of deadly teeth. King backed up again when the rabbit was pushed toward him. “What the actual fuck?!”

Bim huffed, sitting back, but staring from King to the rabbit and back again, expectantly. What did he--

Oh, Christ.

“Bim,” King said, avoiding looking at the mauled mess of the creature’s neck. “I can’t eat that, you know that, right?”

Bim just blinked at him, and not for the first time, King wondered if he could even understand him. So he just sighed, pushing the rabbit away carefully, not wanting to touch it any longer than he had to.

Bim, of course, did not get the message and pushed it back toward him. King glared, seeming to completely ignore that the creature before him could tear him to pieces in an instant. He shoved it forward again.

This went on for a solid three minutes before Bim finally took the rabbit, glaring at King and dragging it closer to the mouth of the cave. King pretended not to hear the sounds of tearing flesh, or the spatter of blood on the floor.

He sighed. He really wanted something to eat, but he literally would not be able to stomach raw meat.

This went on for hours. Bim would leave, find some other animal, kill it, drag it to the cave, and ‘argue’ with King before finally dragging it off. King couldn’t even look at him when he brought him a squirrel.

Another three days went by, and King was getting weaker and weaker from hunger. He wondered what the others thought. They hadn’t even known what happened to Bim, how were they supposed to even guess that he’d become a fucking wendigo, and that he’d kidnapped King? He’d probably end up wasting away here. Then Bim, knowing Bim, would probably try to take care of him for another day or so, before realizing he was dead.

Then he’d probably eat his corpse or something.

He groaned when he felt something hit his foot, and he slowly turned his head. “Bim, how many times do I have to tell you, I can’t--” Then he looked down at the item by his feet.

It was, to his surprise, an apple.

Bim wasn’t looking at him, and he seemed ready to take the apple away when King grabbed his arm. Bim’s head shot up, looking at him in what he could only guess was surprise. This was the first time since this whole thing started that King had actually touched him. “Wait,” he said. “I’m sorry. I know you’ve just been trying to take care of me, but I can’t eat raw meat, okay?” He gently took the apple and held it up. “This, I can eat. Okay?” He took a bite. “See? I’m fine.” He let go of Bim.

“But if you could please, please do me one favor, if you can understand me... please leave the squirrels alone, okay?”

[thegreatelisamousy]

I heard this a lot, not on the internet, but in real life. It started when I was ten years old.

Two years later, they were feeding me charcoal to dilute the amount of antidepressants in my stomach.

EVERY TIME YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU RUN THE RISK OF DOING THIS TO SOMEONE ELSE

AND THEY MIGHT NOT BE AS LUCKY AS I WAS.

About a week ago I posted this.

I’ve been getting horrible messages like this in my ask for months, including:

and my personal favorite

After getting the message saying “Just go kill yourself” I was completely done dealing with this person’s horrible messages and replied with just an “Okay.” and logged off tumblr.

About a week later I logged back on with 17 messages in my ask, most of them from the anon. I scrolled down and at first when I logged off, the anon messaged me things like

I scrolled up more and all of a sudden they started sending me more and more messages like

This was extremely surprising to me. I thought “After all those horrible messages you sent to me for MONTHS about hating me and wanting me dead, you say ‘sorry’ and that you ‘cant be responsible for someone’s suicide’?”

But I guess the lesson goes like this:

DONT TELL ANYONE TO KILL THEMSELVES UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED FOR WHAT MIGHT ACTUALLY HAPPEN

[thegreatelisamousy]

hey uh, i'll admit i don't really know much about this but i'm fairly sure that it's really disrespectful to native americans to talk/write about wendigos? its like a major taboo bc they're so terrible i think...

I understand where you’re coming from with that, I do. I know this might not make it right, but I do know that a lot of media include them. Supernatural, Until Dawn, (some books I’ve read that I honestly can’t remember the titles of...)...

Like I said, that may not necessarily make it right, but... I have also heard stories about wendigos and possible wendigo encounters written by Native Americans themselves. Those of a younger generation. I think, like things of every culture, it sort of... varies from person to person whether they find it disrespectful. I’m sorry if I’ve made you or anyone you know feel uncomfortable with my story, I really am. I do, however, have more ideas for this storyline, and there are people who enjoy it, so...

(God, I feel like I sound like an asshole. I’m really bad at wording things that don’t make me sound like a dick. Again, I’m very sorry if I upset or insulted you or anyone you know)