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[thehardtimesnews]

"I’m pretty sure she pissed herself, too. Pretty fucking cool."

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[thehardtimesnews]

"And you know what? I bet Grandma would be so proud of her beautiful Black Horseman if he'd show off that famous Diamond family smile."

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[thehardtimesnews]

It turns out that your people are friends with a whole bunch of fucking losers who think it’s the job of a dog to ameliorate their inability to hold a meaningful conversation or even hold a glass of chardonnay without having a panic attack

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[thehardtimesnews]

The emo of the late '90s was a bit different, some might say it was a golden era. And within that golden era there was Elliot and we have each of their full-lengths on coke bottle clear vinyl ready for you to buy, click here

[thehardtimesnews]

“Rollercoaster…Tycoon? Oh! That old PC game for kids? Never heard of it! I mean, it sounds a little fun, sure, but I’m too focused on my DJ career. I have to get the people dancing,” said McVorland.

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[thehardtimesnews]

There is a lot of debate on what should be considered classic rock, maybe this list will help.

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[thehardtimesnews]

The Acacia Strain is back with a brand new album and we have an exclusive variant for you to preorder. All you need to do is click here and give us your money

[thehardtimesnews]

"I needed a tetanus shot at the urgent care after poking myself with the almost 100-year-old needle, but still the sound quality is superior to anything I’ve ever listened to. It was totally worth it.”

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[thehardtimesnews]

“I just don’t have anyone to fail to live up to expectations with today. Instead of being passive aggressive with a loved one in a crowded, fancy restaurant, I’ll have to do something that I actually enjoy… like watching reruns of ‘Roswell’ while eating a burrito in bed.”

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[thehardtimesnews]

“Casey delivered his points in a guttural growl, while Morgan’s style was more like high-pitched shrieks. It was kind of an interesting dynamic — except that it was happening in a crowded restaurant on Valentine’s Day, and completely ruining everyone’s meal.”

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[thehardtimesnews]

“I joined the force to protect and serve. And right now I’m gonna protect myself from hunger with the help of a full assortment of 89-cent hotdogs,” stated Plansey while parked diagonally in front of the complimentary air pump.

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[thehardtimesnews]

We found a couple extra copies of this Deadguy exclusive variant in our warehouse, grab yours before they are gone forever (we also have it on yellow vinyl). Click here

[thehardtimesnews]

There’s just something about a topless woman cutting a swan’s throat with a knife that really does it for me. It started to become my go-to cranking material.

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[thehardtimesnews]

"And who could forget the absolutely sizzling thirteen-minute solo by Crackers, my dog who barked nonstop for the entirety of his life? That whole day, sunny and warm, was a vibe I’ll never forget. I think I got a Super Nintendo, too.”

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[thehardtimesnews]

"The good thing is usually the tickets are free, but I would need to travel to Iowa to see any of them. Maybe it would be worth it if I could get a blue ribbon for my prized hog, or if I had a giant pumpkin to display.”

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[thehardtimesnews]

"The fans know the best live shows, they know the ups and downs of their discography, and they spend a lot of money on concert tickets."

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[thehardtimesnews]

American Nightmare is back with a new 10" EP and you can preorder it in our store right now. Four songs sped up, stripped down, like the good old days. Click here