thehyperspacesystem

[thehyperspacesystem]

I hate switching. It's going to be one of those days.

-Maria

[thehyperspacesystem]

I shouldn't be out right now and I can't seem to switch. My system's gatekeeper is out to lunch it would seem.

-Karen

[thehyperspacesystem]

So whatever blended combination of Amy and Maria state I was in has collapsed and I have no musical ability anymore.

I wonder if Amy is trying to integrate?

I got a note in my journal from Amy saying "I'm tired, go away and oh by the way if you feel like programming could you make this thing I want."

So that answers that question I guess. Still it was very strange.

Of course now my question is who am I?

-???

[thehyperspacesystem]

Do any of you transfem folk get voice dysphoria?

I'm trying to learn to sing and i'm really down about what I sound like cos you know, I have to sing most stuff an Octave down and that's not gender affirming.

[thehyperspacesystem]

I just want the withdrawls to be over.

[thehyperspacesystem]

I'm not sure what's going on, I feel like Amy and i'm doing Amy stuffs (playing gutair, writing songs, singing) but i'm still the host and I don't seem to have any real memory gaps.

I hope this doesn't feed into my tendency to go into denial where I think I don't have DID and am just faking (yeah, I know like a typical host).

[thehyperspacesystem]

feeling better today. also I wrote a song about my ex, which I said i'd never do.

[thehyperspacesystem]

I went down to half a 2.5mg Olanzapine tablet and I am not feeling too good. Sore muscles, upset stomach, and diarrhea.

Having just had my Covid booster i'm not keen on feeling sick yet again.

I muse that Olanzapine secretly contains tiny amounts of heroin so that you have to keep taking it for life.

I'm going to start tagging these taper posts with #log so you can block them if you wish.

[thehyperspacesystem]

do you guys ever get songs constantly stuck in your head like always music in your head 24/7?

It started after I started taking Aripiprazole (Abilify)

[thehyperspacesystem]

So i'm going to try another taper

I've been down to 2.5mg Olanzapine for a couple of weeks. I went back on it so I wouldn't be too sick to get my covid booster.

I've gone down to half a 2.5, so I shall see how I feel tommorrow. I figure i'll keep taking half for say a month and then reduce it again. That should be slow enough.

I'm still on 15mg Aripiprazole and that's working out for me.

But I need to get off the other stuff because i'm overweight.

[thehyperspacesystem]

The song "Here's to us" by Halestorm is different when you're a system.

[thehyperspacesystem]

I'm switching to taking Aripiprazole at night because it's making me sleep all day.

I feel pretty zombiefied, it's not fun. Hard to say whether i'd prefer this or the voices and paranoia.

-M

[thehyperspacesystem]

I decided to go back on 2.5mg of Olanzapine and then do a much slower taper.

Going off completely I had: * all my muscles were sore. * nasua, my stomach was not happy. * vomiting every few days, in the morning. * brain fog

I imagine it would be worse if I was trying to get off meds all together, rather than just switch to a different antipsychotic.

[thehyperspacesystem]

I just threw up. Before that, I was feeling a bit depressed. It would seem i'm not over the Olanzapine withdrawls even after 3 weeks.

I'm considering going back on it at say 2.5mg to taper off more slowly over say a month or two.

the doctor gave me 3 months worth of 2.5s to use to taper. That should have been a hint.

-M

[thehyperspacesystem]

The brain fog and feeling mentally slowed down has finally gone away. I'm pleased, i'm doing programming and don't feel like a retard.

-M

[thehyperspacesystem]

Meds, Part 4

I've weaned off of Olanzapine over the past 2 weeks and am just taking the Aripiprazole now.

Getting off Olanzapine made me feel pretty sick. I was in bed with a really upset tummy, throwing up for a few days.

I still feel kinda rundown and mentally not with it in the morning, which wears off as the day goes on.

My sleep is garbage I only get a few hours a night.

On the upside, I haven't heard more than the occasional whisper of voices as i'm falling asleep.

When i'm awake, as far as I can tell I have no hallucinations or anything, so that's good.

I do wonder sometimes about getting off anti-psychotics sometimes. The NZ mental health service had two psychiatrists working there at the time I saw them. One of those psychiatrists gave me the SCID-D and diagnosed me with dissociative identity disorder.

The other psych diagnosed me with schizophrenia and insisted that I take Olanzapine.

I don't know what to think.

My alter Karen is of the opinion that we had a breif psychotic disorder triggered by an inadaquitely skilled therapist and don't need to be on antipsychotics long term.

Unfortunately the only way to find out whether I actually have schizophrenia or not is to go off my meds and see if I have another psychotic episode and i'm just not going to do that.

-M

[thehyperspacesystem]

Maria listened to the Spotify On Repeat playlist again and now we're all switching like crazy.

On the upside, the change in medication doesn't seem to have done anything bad.

-Karen