thejournalofawanderer

[thejournalofawanderer]

Anti Valentine’s Day, Not Anti Love.

It’s not just Valentine’s Day. It’s every holiday that revolves around this toxic brainwashing ideal of capitalism. The pressure to buy that “special someone” something to show your love and affection. To me, it’s so basic and bland. It comes off so artificial and disingenuous. There’s no thought or effort behind these actions.

If you want to buy me flowers, buy them on a random day in October, or better yet, pick me wildflowers on your way home because they made you think of me. There’s actual effort and thought put into that. Learn what my favorite flowers are. Learn what my favorite chocolates are. Learn me and my soul. Don’t just buy the premade flower bouquet and cheap chocolates in a heart shaped box.

Take me on a random dates because you want to, not because a designated day says that you’re expected to do this. It feels so premeditated and pressured. I loath that. I want it to be natural. I want it to be real. I want you to use your imagination. I want it to be intimate and fantastical. I want that storybook romance that’s dark, deep, funny, and raw. I want the tears and the laughs. I want someone who is going to support me. Hype me up when i’m not in the room. But more importantly I want to be seen and understood.

I want the real thing. I want the dark and mysterious. I want the old love. Like centuries old love.

“I’ve crossed oceans of time to find you.” -Gary Oldman (Dracula)

I want someone who remembers the first place we met and plants a tree as a symbolic gesture for our ever growing love. I want that feeling of having spent years apart, but our love never falters because of a stack of handwritten letters. Letters that I’ve read over and over until the paper has worn soft. I want the vulnerability and the trust. I want more than just words. I want actions that support those handwritten words.

I want that true yearning desperate love. I don’t want that gross love bombing bullshit that comes from emotional unintelligence and a lack of therapy. I want the undying love that comes slow and steady. I want it to grow and take me by surprise. I want to build a solid foundation of friendship that turns into something more. I don’t want surface level love. I want soul shattering love. A love that will never grow old.

This is why I can’t get behind this capitalist version of what “Valentine’s Day” represents. It’s so fake and commercial. It’s not the kind of depiction of love that I want to be associated with. So no, I do not want to be your valentine. I will however be your otherworldly, neurospicy, slightly goofy, partner in crime and best friend. 🖤🖤🖤

[thejournalofawanderer]

The Bathing Room Pt. 1

This space is a one I am most proud of. It went from complete disgust, to astoundingly perfect. This room always grossed me out, even as a kid. This is where a lot of the moisture and mold issues residing. It shares a wall with the kitchen, which both contributed to the leaking in the walls. So, one of these walls just had to go.

I started out with the basics. I had to pull up that nasty adhesive linoleum tile. I then pulled out the nearly collapsed cabinet, and slowly made my way toward the toilet and the tub. I was really nervous about removing those times, because there’s plumbing attached. So, I recruited my friend’s dad to help me out. Plus, there’s no way in hell I would hav emoted the tub alone. It wasn’t cast iron, but it was definitely comparable.

I wore my PPE until my house was remediated. I wasn’t going to risk anything working on this place. It needed some serious TLC.

The amount of rotted material I pulled out of this room was appalling. It had been so grossly neglected with some haphazard repairs and bandaids. It’s a surprise it lasted as long as it did.

The infamous wall between the bathroom and the kitchen. You can literally see into my bathroom. I’ll probably use this photo again once I make it to the kitchen section of my blog.

[thejournalofawanderer]

The Gathering Room

Why do we call it a living room? For me it’s the place to be social and host friends and family. Sometimes it’s a place where I relax, unwind, and gather my thoughts.

This is the first room I started with.

I started out by pulling up all the carpet. It was well past due. It’s wild what the simply act of tearing up a carpet can do to a room. I used to be pro carpet. I always said that I would never have hard flooring. After pulling up this carpeting, I was singing a different tune.

I picked out my flooring, and it matches perfectly with the fabric of the couch I had built. The flooring is LVP flooring. It has a similar appearance to hardwood flooring, It’s more than half the price and easier to install. It clicks and snaps into place. It made for an easy installation, and my brother was kind enough to help me.

Before I installed my flooring, I focused on trying to remove the texture from my walls and ceiling. So, I applied a mixture of water and drywall mud to the walls. I rolled it on, and then sanded it. Then I applied a primer to the walls and then I painted it.

I was very meticulous about my color selection. I wanted to make sure that I kept the nature vibe within my home. All colors reflected nature. I feel most at home when I'm outside, so I wanted to make sure that I brought nature into my sanctuary.

This room had to be mildly finished first, because my couch was being delivered, so I had to hustle and get things in place. Couch was designed by me and made my JoyBird. It’s a pullout couch. The table is a secondhand antique. The shag rug is also a secondhand acquisition from a colleague. As you can see, I’m using landscape cloth as curtains, because at this time, I was not living in my house. It was still very much under construction.

I added recessed lighting to this room, and stained the trim around my windows. This room still hasn’t seen its final form yet. I hired out the lighting and updated my electrical throughout my house. It wasn’t something I felt comfortable doing. Plus my attic creeps me out.

Naturally my plants had to find their place. I maintained my theme of nature throughout my house. The struggle with keeping my cats out of my plants however, is still yet to be solved.

I ended up opting for a different couch for this room. (Don’t worry, I kept my first one). But for the most part, my gathering room is complete. This a slightly older photo that doesn’t show my hanging plants, but I loved how the boys really took ownership of this couch. This room has truly come a long way. It’s hard to recognize at times. I am really proud of how far I’ve come.

[thejournalofawanderer]

Turning a House into a Home

As I mentioned in my previous post, I bought my grans house in April of 2021. What a time buy a house. It was the beginning of the pandemic, when things seemed so temporary. Little did we know, that we were in for the long haul.

This house was basically my childhood home. I grew up here off and on between apartments and various living arrangements. To me, this was home-base. I couldn’t bear to someone else outside of this family in this home. So, I did the unthinkable. I bought a project house in the middle of a pandemic.

My lease was up at my current place, so I did was what logically the right thing to do….I moved home with my mom. What I thought was going to be a quick 4 months living at home, quickly turned into a long 8 months living at home. I was working endlessly on this house. I was juggling 3 jobs, and a full-time college course load. I was at the end of my semester and I was struggling.

You see, the thing about me is, I love being alone. I also thrive in the hustle and the last minute. So, with the goal of solitude on the horizon, I sacrificed so much time and wellbeing to get my house in a state where I could live there. And so it begins…

I plan to separate each blog into sections based on either the room or the project, for brevity sake. I busted out a lot of shenanigans in a short amount of time. However, I am still “technically” working on my house 4 years later, but that’s just a part of my journey.

[thejournalofawanderer]

Non-Traditional College Student

Welp, I graduated college in May of 2021. What a weird time to be alive. I went to college late in life. I decided that I didn’t want to be in a situation that left me with no plan or future. So, in 2016, I applied for college at Stark State Community College. I intended on simply getting my Associates in Science. It’s wild what being in college can do to you. I wanted more out of life than what I had. That’s when I applied to college at Kent State University Stark. I obtained my bachelors in Environmental Studies and double minored in biology and geography. I went at such a challenging time in my life. I was juggle 3 jobs. My gran had passed away, and the silver lining in that, is I bought her house and made it my home. I did all of this during an international pandemic. I challenged myself in ways that I didn’t know I could. I pushed myself beyond the brink of self destruction. But, at the end of the day, I succeeded. I graduated college in 5 years. I did the best I’ve ever done in my educational career. I am forever proud of myself for being able to do hard things. I’ll never settle for anything that isn’t worth fighting for. If there’s a goal that I want to reach, I will, mark my words. Heck, a part of me wants to go back and get my masters in psychology. Who knows. The sky is the limit.

[thejournalofawanderer]

Surgery and How I Got Here

Hello all! It’s been such a long time since I last made a post. So much has happened to me. So much has changed. I’ll start with some life changing stuff first. I had surgery in April of 2024 (nearly a year ago now).

It took me a long time to get to that point. I noticed that my health and my overall state of being wasn’t quite right. I just wasn’t feeling like myself. I started out by going to my primary care physician (PCP), and I felt dismissed and greatly understood. My labs were “normal”, and I was told that I just needed to focus on sleep, exercise, drinking water, a healthy diet, and acknowledging I was getting “older”.

I was not satisfied with this response. I started doing some digging and some investigation on myself. I opted to seek further treatment from an endocrinologist. I had expressed my concerns and how I felt. She also said similar things my PCP said. But, she opted to run more labs and more tests.

Meanwhile, I met with my naturopath physician to make sure I was covering all my bases. I didn’t want to leave any stones unturned. I had a Dutch test done on my urine. I tried it all. I learned that not all doctors respect other doctors tests and forms of medicine. I mean, it’s all backed by science, so what’s the issue?

BUT, before I went to see my endo. I opted to fly to Colorado to meet with a different doctor that my friend had a lot of success with. Needless to say, she was a dud for me. She tried diagnosing my with PCOS based on no further testing. Cushing’s is oftentimes misdiagnosed for PCOS. I was on medications that did not help or support me. Luckily I went with my gut and opted not to take those medications anymore, and move forward with meeting my endo.

I got a sleep study done, because of my excessive daytime sleepiness. Let me tell you. I don’t know how those studies could tell you anything. It is literally the worlds worst sleep. You’re in an unfamiliar place looking the scene in Star Wars, where C3PO and R2D2 get all dissembled with wires everywhere. It was so uncomfortable, and they wake you up a million times. After all was said and done, the results were, “You do in fact have daytime sleepiness”…..NO SHIT!

I had mentioned my ADHD and anxiety, and my endo wanted to blame all of my symptoms on that. Like, I’ve ADHD and anxiety my whole life. My sudden change in weight and everyday functionality is not a result of these things. Something else is wrong, and it isn’t that or the medication that I sometimes take for my ailments.

I continued with more labs and 24 urine collections. I got a CT scan, and it came back showing that I had a 2 inch mass on my right adrenal gland. I was kind of surprised, and excited, because I was FINALLY getting closer to some sort of answer or diagnosis.

SO, after nearly a year of almost 20 different labs and tests, she then referred me to a super specialist endocrinologist at the main hospital. My labs were in this gray area, and I wasn’t satisfied with my answers. My labs were 50/50 for Cushing’s.

I met with my second endo, which my first meeting was abysmal. It was her resident that I met with…a guy. You see the thing is, I always request women doctors. I feel more comfortable with them, and I usually feel understood. When I got into this appointment (which I waited 4 months for), I was a bit disappointed to see a guy. He was very dismissive of my self diagnosis. I was under the impression that I had Cushing’s. He did not.

So, I got more labs and more tests. I got a second CT scan that confirmed the 2 inch mass on my right adrenal gland. Due to the size of the mass or nodule, they were going to opt for surgery, regardless of the results on my labs. But, my labs came back supporting the findings.

I think met with my surgeon. We discussed my pre-surgery expectations and scheduled my surgery. He was the one that told me I had Cushing’s. I felt relieved and accomplished. I had finally had an answer. All of my self advocacy was finally paying off. (Huzzah!)

So, I had my surgery on Thursday, April 18th. It was the first surgery I’ve ever had. I was nervous and not nervous at the same time. I remember the operating room. I remember how kind everyone was. I knew that I was in good hands. I remember waking up to see my mom and brother in my room. I was so tired, and kinda nauseous.

My time in the hospital after that was interesting. My IVs kept blowing my veins. I had put myself on a liquid diet a week prior to surgery, per my surgeon, and I hadn’t eaten real food. Post-op, I was so repulsed by food, but I had to eat. I couldn’t go to the bathroom without help out of bed. They took my blood from a vein that was receiving fluids, and it through everyone into a panic, because obviously my labs were dangerously wrong. So, I then had to become a human pin cushion every 1/2 hour to run my labs again to make sure I wasn’t going to die. Good times! Did I mention the IV blew my veins 4 times?

Overall, the worst part of post-op was trying to pass all of the gas or CO2 they pumped into my abdomen. It was HORRIBLE. The pressure had moved up into my chest, and it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I only felt comfortable laying down. It took about a week for it to finally dissipate. Just in time for me to head back to work!

Then 6 weeks post op, I had to fly to Wisconsin/Minnesota to take a rock climbing assessment. Haha wild times.

Anyways, I am healed up from the actual surgery. Sometimes I feel like a little part of me is missing. They ended up taking out my whole adrenal gland with the mass. So, I am left with just my left adrenal gland. My cortisol levels have evened themselves out for the time being.

But here’s the kicker. Since surgery, I’ve had follow up appointments and my endo was like, “You don’t have Cushing’s, you have MACS”….I’m like, what are you talking about. My surgeon said I had Cushing’s and that having this surgery would cure me. Apparently I have a subclinical form of Cushing’s. MACS, which stands for Mild Autonomous Cortisol Secretion. (Mind was blown)

With this condition that I have, it’s an overproduction of cortisol in a system. So, imagine being in a state of fight or flight for so long that your body starts packing on weight to protect itself. That’s how I ended up where I am. It’s wild and exhausting. It’s a condition that takes time to recover from.

Folks keep asking how I am, and I honestly don’t know. I feel the same, but different. I’m still trying to lose all the weight I gained (50lbs) and find some sort of normalcy in my life again. I feel like an alien in my body. I don’t recognize the person I see looking back. I have my ups and my downs. I am trying my best to get through it. It’s hard, but I’m here.

Women are forever dealt the shitty hand. Our hormones dictate so much of our lives and when things go array, the whole body is in red alert. It’s frustrating and exhausting. I still feel deeply misunderstood when I am battling an illness that no one can see. It’s an invisible battle, that receives little sympathy or praise for how well I’m doing. I just wake pt wake up and hope for the best.

In the end I met with so many doctors (8). They all ran so many tests and labs (30+). I also juggled an extremely toxic relationship in all of this, that did not help my health and overall mental wellbeing. To say that this has been a challenge is an understatement. I am on a path to healing my physical wellbeing and my mental wellbeing. Thanks to everyone who has been with me through it all. It truly means a lot. Life is hard. It continues to be hard, but I am taking steps that will give me the strength to get through it.

For more information on MACS

[thejournalofawanderer]

Hello, I’m Jen. I am a biracial POC. I have always been one to put myself in places where, people such as myself, were not typically represented. Being a womxn AND a POC has its setbacks at times, but I always find myself saying, “fuck it, let’s just do it”. I’m continually trying my best to be a great representation of POC in the outdoor community. It is a community that has a strong white CIS male presence. I do not like when I am told or I feel like I cannot do something, simply because of my gender or the color of my skin. I like to smash the patriarchy and the privilege. I want to be a walking inspiration to those who may question whether or not they should do something. If he/she/they can do it, so can I. Do not let social norms or social constructions define who you are and what you do. Live your best life. Want to learn how to ride a motorcycle, do it. Want to learn how to kayak, do it. Want to learn how to climb, do it. I will be there cheering you on every step of the way, and helping any way that I can. I have spent my life in this weird biracial zone. I’ve felt judged from black folks, white folks, and folks in between. I’ve learned that there is only one me, and I’m going to be the best me that I can be. I am going to be fierce. I am going to be badass. And I am going to LIVE my life as I wish to live it. I will acknowledge my privilege, while acknowledging my lack of privilege. I will advocate for equality for the LGBTQ+, and for the POC. I will support and be a person to confide in. My home will always be welcome. My ears will always be listening and my voice will always be heard. I am here, and I am Jen. 🖤 . . . #poc #blacklivesmatter #peopleofcolor #browngirlsoutdoors #melaninbasecamp #colorthecrag #getoutside #diversifyoutdoors #optoutside #smashthepatriarchy #biracialandproud #biracial #environmentalistsforblacklivesmatter #greengirlgang #outdoorequality #equality #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #womenunite #womxn #lgbtq #loveislove #beheard #listenandlearn https://www.instagram.com/p/CBOA9sMnTtE/?igshid=11evzriws6bl0

[thejournalofawanderer]

I decided to spend my Christmas in Colorado. I’ve never been a fan of Christmas. It’s a stressful time of year where folks spend far too much money on people, and stress out about it all in the process. I decided that I was going to end 2019 on a good note. I flew out to Colorado. I stayed with my good friends in their quaint mountainside home. They took me on so many adventures. We went cross country skiing, and shopping in Telluride. We went ice climbing in Ouray, and mountain biking in Moab. We hit up some local hot springs and got yelled at by a weird conspiracy lady about wearing my watch. We ate so much good food, and I even saw a coyote. We walked around town and around her neighborhood. I played fetch with the pup and got to meet her two sheep and goat. I tried my hand at being a metal smith and made my own ring. I experienced so many wonderful things, it’s hard to pick just one. I enjoy the big moments just as much as the small ones. I like hot tea on a brisk morning and laying on the couch until the late night hours. I like pushing myself on mountain bike trails and trying my hand at ice climbing. I love doing things that many wouldn’t dare to do. I am forever thankful for the ability and privilege that I have to go out into the world and live it. Colorado will always hold a giant spot in my heart. There’s just something about the mountain air and the way the sun hits my skin. The west feels like home.

[thejournalofawanderer]

This trip to Oil Creek, PA, was one for the books. It was a ladies weekend with my best gal pal. We decided to do a through hike over the weekend. There were many missed turns and alternate routes. We started our escapade at dusk. It took some time to find the actual trailhead. We finally managed to get our trail map in order. We hiked into the night. We came across some wild creatures that first night. We saw our first porcupine in the wild. We learned that they can climb trees really well. We saw some of the largest bugs I had ever seen and a few amphibians along the way. We found our camp close to midnight. Some campers had taken our spot, so we claimed another spot instead. Meals were made. Beds we assembled. Sleep was had. Our 25 mile hike was filled with laughs, frustration, and snacks. The mosquitoes almost packed me away in a bodybag. They were quite the nuisance. So much so, that I almost lost my shit, as every bug kept flying directly into my eyes. Haha it was a trying time for me. It was type 2 fun. We celebrated our completion of our hike with McDonald at probably the most hillbilly McDonalds we had ever laid eyes on. Kids were barefoot, teeth were missing, and white beaters were worn. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. This trip brings back so many fond memories and experiences. One night we slept the coyotes howling in the distance. It’s that connection and appreciation for nature that sparks joy on my travels. 

[thejournalofawanderer]

It’s been a while since I made a post about my travels. I got caught up in living life. School is nearly done. Work is still, well, work. This video is from my trip in December of 2018. I rented a campervan with my dude pal, and we hit the west coast. (In my opinion, it’s the best coast.) We started in San Francisco. We traveled as far north as the redwood national park. We chased waves, and waves chased us. We ventured to abandoned war bunkers and camped on beaches. We got stuck in the sand and broke a mirror on the van. We had scrumptious pot pies and great local beers. The part I enjoy most about traveling is the memories that are shared and created. One night we drove up an old dirt road to the top of a cliff. I 100% thought that we were going to die, expecting to hear banjos any minute. When we awoke, we saw the coastline down below. We ventured our way down a sketchy cliff to the beach. We watched as seals played hide and seek with us, and the ocean air sprayed in our hair with the breeze. It’s trips like this that make life worth living. There were so many more memories and moments. Traveling gives me life.

[thejournalofawanderer]

Just out here. Trying to inspire.

[thejournalofawanderer]

Live your best life.

[thejournalofawanderer]

Summit Lake Cleanup #4 (The final cleanup for the season):

This was probably the best cleanup out of the 4 cleanups. It was such a successfully rewarding experience. I am forever thankful to everyone that came out. I am so privileged to be a part of the Green Girl Gang, and to represent them at their Akron ambassador. It meant a lot to me to see some of the same faces, and some new ones. We acquired 15 bags of trash and 2 bicycles. It was a record amount of trash on this cleanup. There is still an incredible amount of trash floating around Summit Lake, so we may sneak in one more cleanup for good measure before the weather gets too terribly bad. Again, I couldn’t have done any of this without my wonderful volunteers. My heart is so full, and I am beyond thankful. We did our part to help keep Akron beautiful, have you?

[thejournalofawanderer]

This is my first Vlog. If anyone has any recommendations of a better  platform to use for vlog posts, please let me know. Also, if anyone has any points of interests they’d like me to focus on, or something I should elaborate one, please feel free to reach out and ask. 

[thejournalofawanderer]

Summit Lake Cleanup #3:

This was the third cleanup that I hosted for the Green Girl Gang. We have one more happening at Summit Lake, until the next location is chosen. It has been a super successful and rewarding event. We had many folks thanking us for our hard work. We are making such a huge impact on the lake, but it still needs so much more work, and help. The amount of bottles and little floating around the lake is unreal. It’s always going to be a constant problem in this location, due to the way the lake sits. It’s called Summit Lake, because it is the highest point. The canal dumps into the lake, and it flows both north and south because of this high point. Casein-point, if you are familiar with how the watershed works, it explains the heavy influx of trash within this beautiful watersoruce. It will be a constant issue that will always need to be addressed here. The more people that we can inspire to help keep our parks clean, the better off the environment will be. Sunday, September 30th, will be our last cleanup at Summit Lake for the time being. We plan to target different locations, and help keep our Planet beautiful. 💚🗑🛶♻️

[thejournalofawanderer]

The Summit Lake Park Cleanup #2:

This was my second time hosting a cleanup for the Green Girl Gang at Summit Lake Park in Akron, Ohio. It was such a successful day. We tackled another section of the lake closer to the boardwalk. There’s still so much more litter floating around in the lake. It’s nice to see process on each cleanup we conduct. We were showered with many thanks from passerby’s along the towpath. It was most rewarding when folks actually stopped to ask when the next cleanup was going to take place, so they too, could participate. I am incredibly thankful for everyone who participated in this cleanup. The next cleanup will take place on Sunday, the 16th, and again on Sunday, the 30th. Please join the Green Girl Gang, and help make a difference, and to keep Akron beautiful. 

[thejournalofawanderer]

The Cleanup at Summit Lake Park:

I  haven’t made a post on here in years, but it was time to come back from the dead. I have been busy lately. I am now an ambassador for a local group called the Green Girl Gang. I am so thankful to be part of a group. Their mission is to “Encourage women to get outside, protect the earth, travel and share your voice in adventures”. Today we tackled a place I hold dear, Summit Lake Park in Akron, Ohio. We tackled the trash on both land and water. We had folks out in kayaks, and friends patrolling the shoreline. We successfully gathered at least 10 bags of trash, and 3 bicycles. It was incredibly successful, and my heart is so full with the wonderful turnout I had today. I look forward to more events, and social gatherings that bring people together and benefit the ecosystem.