thelonely-journalkeeper

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

If you're a disabled young person, you've most likely been hit with the "pfft you think you're in pain now? Just wait til you're my age" bullshit from older people at least once. Everyone talks about how invalidating it is

But I haven't seen anybody mention how it's terrifying, too. Yes, I know health deteriorates with age. I know that old age is a disability unto itself. I know that the healthiest person alive will start getting aches and pains past the age of 40 and may even need mobility aids

I know all this stuff. And it always makes me think "yeah, if I can't walk without joint pain even while using mobility aids AT AGE 21, how painful will life be for me at the age where it gets painful for everyone?"

And it's hard not to feel like I'm doomed, y'know? Where most people get a period of health that they wish they appreciated more when they start to lose it, my starting point was a body that doesn't work properly and it's only gonna get worse from there. It's worse every fucking year.

TLDR stop telling disabled young people that their pain will only get worse to the point of being unimaginable as they age, WE FUCKING KNOW

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

reminds me of this absolutely haunting hymn I used to sing in church

Biblical Parents 002.

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

me: *presenting my latest Months Long Problem to my doctor*

Dr: “HOW have you been dealing with this for that long???”

me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

literally how boring and dull do you have to be to dislike codependent relationships in fiction like where is the passion where is the devotion where is the worship that inevitably corrupts and destroys one if not both of them

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

Something I think people don't acknowledge or appreciate enough about Paul is that they existed before their full official birth. They were test run temporarily. In (chapter) 9, in the beach flashback, Camilla becomes Camilla-and-Palamedes, not quite with Paul's eyes but with one of Cam's and one of Pal's, and Nona recognizes them as a new person who smiles at her with a new person's smile.

Afterward, Camilla-and-Palamedes return to being Camilla separated from Palamedes. This happened at least once, but despite the horrific toll it takes on Camilla's body after the fact, the way Pyrrha yells at them at times also implies this happened a more than once.

Now please consider that alongside Camilla crying with absolute relief. Camilla who knows what it feels like to be Paul, or at least a proto version of Paul, and so deeply enthusiastically proclaims, "Palamedes, yes. My whole life, yes. Yes, forever, yes. Life is too short and love is too long." Camilla who has addressed him by name on-screen exactly once before this moment (as a child in Doctor Sex, when they finally dropped all professional airs and let themselves be stupid kids laughing until it hurt) breaking that out here of all places. Palamedes who has suffered so much guilt about the burden she's taken on in his name, knowing full well she wouldn't stop even if he begged her to, who also knows what if feels like to be Paul and how much they can do when they're like that. Camilla and Palamedes who understand that accessing that power in half measures will also kill them both, but in a way that makes them useless to everyone else they love, and without doing so at all they can be of very little use, but going all in will make them a nearly unstoppable asset.

Would you truly tell me you would have rather had them suffer being forever divided by a matter of seconds? "Love and freedom don't coexist" but Paul is the closest thing they will ever have to it. Is your attachment to who they were worth hating who they've become, even knowing that they made this decision fully informed, having tested it and decided together it's what they both wanted more than anything in the world?

You can miss them and still be happy for them. You can be sad that they're no longer the same and still recognize the beauty and triumph in what they've become. If you loved Camilla and you loved Palamedes, how can you not love Paul? Would you really look at them of all characters and proclaim without irony that you're taking your love away?

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

Please please please draw Noodle.

OUPPY…..

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

Happy National Library Week!! A great time to ask everyone you know if they have a library card.

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

Hey guys what the fuck is up with ianthe tridentarius cause I’m having a hard time now

I’m almost done with the first Gideon book and Jesus???? CHRIST???????

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

i bet on losing dogs

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

i love the way the way the locked tomb does gender. like gideon is butch, undeniably, but also can you really be gender non conforming when there’s no real image of gender to conform to in the first place? palamedes and pyrrah aren’t NOT trans in nona; their souls are trapped in different bodies, and those bodies ARE the wrong gender but also that’s literally the least of their problems. ianthe is pretty firmly in the box we would label “femme” and she’s simultaneously the princess of ida and a tower prince. but that’s also the least of her problems she’s literally puppetting a dead body around. nona experiences dysphoria about her body (harrow’s body and the barbie body) but that’s because she’s literally the soul of a planet trapped in a meat prison. any shaped meat prison would be bad.

like i wouldn’t call the locked tomb a “post gender” world, but they seem to all basically have the attitude of “i don’t have time for gender right now we’re trapped at the murder mystery dinner party from hell and someone stole god’s sperm we have bigger problems”

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

No, you’re thinking of necromancy. Narcolepsy is the medical specialty that focuses on the brain and nervous system.

“Covid game me narcolepsy” no you fucking pervert it didn’t. You’re just a weirdo with a gross fetish. Covid didn’t make you suddenly want to fuck dead people. Keep that shit to yourself you gods damned weirdo

I have type 2 Narcolepsy. Studies have shown that serious viral infections can cause people to develop Narcolepsy if they are already genetically susceptible to having it. This includes covid. That is what happened to me.

You on the other hand might want to google the difference between Narcolepsy and Necrophilia….

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

They're new parents. They're widows on the rebound. They're trapped in the wrong bodies. They're t4t (unrelated). They argue over breakfast proteins. They've almost certainly danced under the light of a murdered planet. They're roughly a third of a burgeoning terrorist cell. They have a 9,980-year age gap. They met at the perfect time. They just missed each other. They even got to kiss goodbye.

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

okay I’m on my first gtn reread and. we know Palamedes started learning medicine to help Dulcie. he knows SO MUCH about the 7th’s blood curse cancer, he’s out here designing new treatments (the pulmonary drain thing). he’s probably a leading expert.

which means when he tries to kill Cytherea, when he gives her Turbo Cancer™️, he’s using all this knowledge he learned to try and save Dulcie now to kill someone. He’s using it to outsmart a Lyctor, who’s been alive for 10,000 years. He finds something Cytherea doesn’t expect and exploits that weakness.

Pal never got to meet Dulcie. He couldn’t save her, no matter how much he studied. But the knowledge didn’t go to waste. He may not have been able to save her, but he could help avenge her - by exploiting the same cancer he was trying to cure.

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

Incorrect Project Ghostlight: Private Nightmares

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

Explaining how utterly down bad I am for both Camilla and Palamedes like

[thelonely-journalkeeper]

Your regular reminder that trickle-down economics is a cruel joke designed by the wealthy.