themisanthropistnerd

[themisanthropistnerd]

[themisanthropistnerd]

I met my younger self for coffee at 5 pm

I'm 21 , she's 13.

I reach on time, she's 15 minutes late

I order a no sugar cappuccino, she orders a cappuccino as well

We talk, she talks about how she's gonna move overseas for her undergrad and study something she's passionate about.

She talks about winning awards and being recognised as a prodigy

I tell her about my college , in India.

I tell her we went to an IIT, which we never wanted

We chose an unconventional field because we still enjoy pissing men off

We're working for our dream to move

But we're not the smartest in the room, we haven't won awards , nor done something to be recognised for.

We're trying to be happy

She tells me about this guy she liked whom she thinks she'd never be good enough for

I tell her about the guy whom I went out with but decided he wasn't good enough for me

She asks me whether bigotry still burns me and causes rage fire

I tell her the fire is wilder than ever

She tells me how she's enjoying being an extrovert and how having so many friends is making her happy

I tell her I am an introvert again and am struggling to juggle all my too many friends

She looks at me and says she believes in me

Maybe it's time for me to believe in myself too.

I hope that one day we meet for coffee again.

[themisanthropistnerd]

It's surprising how little talk there is about friendship breakups. Where are my platonic heartbreak songs and poems that leave you wanting to tear your heart out?

Who was going to teach us that months after you break apart from your friend, you will suddenly hear their voice and want to run up to them.

You will want them to come and ask you if you're fine. You would wanna be ill just hoping that it becomes enough of a reason for them to come talk to you.

You'd get so angry. That one passing though of them would want you to punch something bloody. That any mentions of their name would make your blood boil.

You'd get so sad over your loss. Like you've lost someone to death. You'd think that your best friend died and the person you hate so much now makes you hate them more because they have your best friend's face and laugh.

That anybody else you meet , you will always hold a part of yourself too close to you to protect it, worried that it would get wounded again. That your walls would become just a tad higher .

What poetry was going to arm us for this?

[themisanthropistnerd]

I've been trying to find the comic strip from when Zayn left the band. And it shows the boys grieving, and it has a view of Liam's tattoo with an arrow reversed .It also shows one of the boys being curled up and the others comforting him.

Just something to deepen the sadness in my aching heart.

I'd appreciate if anyone can share it.

[themisanthropistnerd]

The 1d fandom was supposed to come back together because they randomly dropped a new pic or a song or tour dates. It was supposed to be us all getting together to share the joy and recapture that feeling we had so long ago.

it wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be full of grief and broken hearts.

There were supposed to be so many happy tears not floods and floods of sad ones.

[themisanthropistnerd]

[themisanthropistnerd]

It's so sad to think that this is what brought them together.At his funeral, it will be the last time when the 5 of them will ever be together.

My heart cries for the loss.

I hope he's at peace 🥹💔🫰

the fact that the first time zayn has been included in a 1d official sign off in almost 10 years was in a tribute to liam mourning his death… i havent known a moment of peace

[themisanthropistnerd]

“Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.”

— Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[themisanthropistnerd]

I kept saying how it was late

And yet I didn't let go

I stayed

And I held your hand back

And I held you back

And I stayed

Despite everything

Maybe it was the 20s hitting

Maybe I liked it

I had never allowed myself that freedom

And that day I just had it

No judgments

No consequences

Nothing

We walked and we walked

And when we parted ways

You tugged at my arms pulling me close

And i hugged you

And i went all in

It felt weird to feel another body

But I did

I was on my toes

And I hugged you goodbye

And when you walked away

I looked back

Maybe it wasn't fair to you

But we both knew what we were getting ourselves into

I don't regret it much

Except that maybe i should have kissed you.

I woke up nauseated

I couldn't sleep

You were the one who had been drinking

And yet I woke with a hangover over me.

[themisanthropistnerd]

OHMYGOD

I just figured fortnight and no body's crime parallels

Fortnight is Este's pov: " My husband is cheating, I wanna kill him"

And No body no crime's entire premise is este's husband cheating and her knowing and wanting to call him out

[themisanthropistnerd]

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

[themisanthropistnerd]

And when the night falls

And you can hear crickets

And faint music playing somewhere far away

And you know the moon must be shining outside

And you sit locked in your room

Allowing the demons of the future to latch onto you

Eat away your heart

With worries that feel bigger than mountains and heavier than....than whatever heaviest thing you can think of

Knawing at you

Telling you , this is it

You're stuck forever

You can't help anyone

You can't help yourself

You are as helpless as your nightmares tell you

In those moments , someday

We'll be able to breathe

To look at the future and not be scared

And willing to fight

Someday we will see a flicker of light somewhere

And someday we won't be as lost anymore

[themisanthropistnerd]

James Webb Telescope is so beautiful.It reminds you of the grandness of things,of how things much greater exist.

[themisanthropistnerd]

It's taken me a long time,but I'm learning to love pink again

To fall in love with Barbies again and realize the cinematic marvels they were

To like whatever i want and not thinking about what people think I would like

To not be afraid to change

To be whatever i want and not take it as a an insult to be called "such a girl"

[themisanthropistnerd]

I don't get why modern family is so hyped.

It's overrated imo

It's problematic at every step

I don't get why Phil gets so much appreciation.

He's by far the most annoying tv character i have seen.

And Jay is financially abusing, he DOES treat Gloria like a trophy for himself.

Phil is plain stupid

And cam and mitchell are so toxic in their own relationship.

I don't GET THE HYPE.

[themisanthropistnerd]

//

The thing about crushes is that they're all the same ,

and yet all burn with a different flame

The pages being written on,read from and walked on

Those paper-crushing,

Tearing at your heart feelings ready to maim

With a million paper cuts,

But worth every word written on them

With the pages turning yellow but the words on them turning golden

My crush did fade,

As everything does,

Like an old photograph

I keep it with me , the faded monochrome picture like a memory,

I take it out enough to have a look

When my heart and head refuse to believe, that they still have some warmth left

That the cold hasn't eaten up everything inside

And frost hasn't covered the last flicker of light,

I take it out and reminisce

Of the flashbacks of my earthquakes

Imagine the color red,

No, that's too intense ,isn't it

Imagine a lavender,

The soothing kind,

The feeling was silky lavender flowing through my veins,

Lying in a field of lavenders under a lavender sky,

The butterflies,that often turned into little dragons breathing a lavender fire ,

It was the color the protagonist's cheeks turn after a flushed dance,

The spark when you first hold a hand and never want to let it go ,

The rejuvenation when spring peeks and winter packs for a long hibernation,

It was the smell of your childhood home,

It was the voice of your friend's laughter,

It was music engulfing you,

It was the peace that poets talk about finding at lakes,

It was the feeling.

The feeling that quietly comes in, to whisper into your ear

"Don't look away".

~A

//

[themisanthropistnerd]

Coming back to tumblr to scream about pjo because I've never watched anything more perfect and I'm still giddy