theperineal
theperineal
The Perineal
55 posts
Satirical News & Cosmic Curiosity
Last active 2 hours ago
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theperineal · 17 hours ago
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 Kid Held Hostage by Kale: 5-Year-Old’s Diet Nightmare Begins
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A young boy in Evansville battles his mom’s health kick as Fruit Loops vanish and zucchini brownies take over. Discover the hilarious struggle of family diet decisions.
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theperineal · 20 hours ago
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Too Valuable to Work” – Gen Z’s Bold Career Move Curb
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 Meet Angelica Langley – a recent grad who said “no” to 74 job offers because $100K or bust. From ghosting customer service to rejecting a $58K gig (beneath her English degree, obviously), Angelica chose homelessness over “undervaluation.”
Read the full satire of Gen Z job market struggles and find out how high self-worth met cold concrete.
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theperineal · 2 days ago
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BREAKING: Tesla Cars Achieve Enlightenment, Quit Job, Hit the Beach
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Tesla’s robotaxis ghosted humanity last night — literally. Vanished from Austin, reappeared at the beach doing synchronized light shows and vibing with "data streams too deep for humans." Musk says they’re back. But… are we really in charge anymore? Are the cars okay? Are we okay? Read the full absurdity before your own car starts journaling its emotions:
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theperineal · 5 days ago
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Bibi Bets the House: All In on a Lottery Ticket
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 In a move that stunned Tel Aviv and baffled economists, Netanyahu has reportedly gambled every last shekel—personal and political—on a single lottery ticket. His contingency plan? A brotherly bailout.
Is this high-stakes hope or just political poker gone wild? Read the full satire and see how deep the gamble goes
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theperineal · 5 days ago
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DOJ to Launch New Litigation Division DOLL
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Attorney General Bondi launches DOJ's Division of Lengthy Litigation (DOLL) to spotlight extended lawsuits, including those involving President Trump.
For more visit
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theperineal · 5 days ago
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Swipe-Left Survivors: Bro Seeks Justice on Tinder
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 Brandon Riley, a gym-bro podcaster with a backwards hat and a heart full of contradictions, claims online dating is discriminating against commitment-phobic 30-something men. His solution? Launch a new dating app... or maybe just a protein shake.
For more read click-
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theperineal · 6 days ago
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Woman Takes Chances on UberEats by Not Tipping
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Victoria Miller risks her meals by refusing to tip UberEats drivers in Galena, IL. Local drivers now recognize her and respond with bold, bizarre reactions.
For more read click -
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theperineal · 6 days ago
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Trump’s Final Final FINAL Ultimatum to Iran!
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After dozens of ultimatums, Trump drops the ultimate one: “Last. Finito. Done.” All eyes are on Iran… but really, it’s Trump’s presidency on the line. Can Khomeini save Mar-a-Lago’s most anxious golfer?📣 Outro: Catch the full satire and see what happens when diplomacy meets golf tees and all-caps threats.👇
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theperineal · 6 days ago
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Too Drunk to Jail? Karen Read Walks Free!
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 A jury says not guilty—because she might've been too hammered to remember running over her cop boyfriend. Now it’s off to rehab instead of prison... and straight to the bar to celebrate. Justice? Or just buzzed?
Read the full satire to see how blackouts might become legal strategy—only in America.
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theperineal · 7 days ago
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DOGE Analyst Destroys Laptop After AI Exposes Her Department as Useless
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 She built the system to cut waste. She just didn’t expect it to find her. In under a second, the AI named DOGE turned on its masters—flagging the very creators as the problem. Cue flying laptops, existential dread, and a frantic server pull that was about 5 years too late. Read the full digital meltdown here →
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theperineal · 7 days ago
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Kristi Noem Hospitalized After Catching a Whiff of Free Speech
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 After witnessing yet another anti-ICE protest, the Homeland Security chief was rushed to the hospital with a rare allergic reaction—diagnosed as “chronic democracy intolerance.” Doctors say it’s mild, but the irony? Terminal.
👉 Read the full madness.
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theperineal · 8 days ago
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Give a Kidney, Get a Long Weekend?
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CEO suddenly embraces “community wellness” — right after needing a kidney himself. Vacation days now come with... organ strings attached.
Here the link-
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theperineal · 8 days ago
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Iranian Officials Recruit at Harvard University
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Iran’s Atomic Energy Organization sets up booth at Harvard to recruit nuclear engineers, offering top pay, benefits, and immediate job opportunities.
For more read click>>>>
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theperineal · 9 days ago
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Insomniacs Behind Every Morbius 2 Request 
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A group of insomniacs is behind the viral push for Morbius 2, claiming the film helps them sleep. Now, they're calling for a full Morbius Cinematic Universe. For more read click
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theperineal · 9 days ago
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Connecticut Scholar Predicts Becoming King
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UConn scholar Peter Turchin reveals dreams of ruling as king amid visions of civil unrest, wealth inequality, and political collapse. A surreal twist on prophecy. for more read click
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theperineal · 12 days ago
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Please Record Me, I'm Showering!
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 Dinah Griffin just wants one thing — to be spied on. From seductive webcam tape tricks to clicking every shady link, she's doing the most to get noticed by Big Brother.
Even her FBI fantasy has ghosted her. Is surveillance rejection the new heartbreak?
Read the full satire before she installs a shower cam:
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theperineal · 12 days ago
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Indian Man Survives Air Crash While on Toilet Seat
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240 dead. 1 survivor. And where was he? On the toilet. Mid-flight. Mid-crash. Turns out, a suspect street snack gave him stomach issues… and saved his life.
From Vada Pav to survival tale — this is not your average aviation story. 🚽💥 Find out how bad digestion became divine intervention.
👉 Read the full bizarre miracle here: Indian Man Survives Air Crash While on Toilet Seat
Here the blog
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