thepuckrman

[thepuckrman]

DRUNK IN THE MORNING | SPUCK

WHO: Noah Puckerman & Sam Evans

WHAT: After Sam’s tattoo adventure at a party, he finds himself at Puck’s apartment, needing his best friend to be there for him

WHEN: Backdated to November 19th, morning

WHERE: Puck’s apartment

WARNING: Mentions of alcohol 

Keep reading

[thepuckrman]

if she’s moody spank her booty

[thepuckrman]

[thepuckrman]

TXT MSG. 📱 SUNSHINE ⇆ PUCK.

SUNSHINE: What words do people use to describe you? I'm curious.

SUNSHINE: Moon isn't so bad. She's dark and mysterious. That's sexy.

SUNSHINE: Babe is /not/ a compliment. It's a name and not to be that girl but ... I'm sure you say that to every pretty face.

SUNSHINE: But good to know you liked my pictures 😊

PUCK: sexy, hottie, bad ass, kick ass, sex shark, stud, asshole, [convict, loser, idiot, fuck up, mistake, good for nothing| DELETED], stoner, brown John Stamos. you know. stuff like that.

PUCK: [i was actually saying that to get you to 'moon' me somethin|DELETED] yeah, she is. and i bet you also could be a real dark and mysterious when the sun goes down 😉

PUCK: maybe, but could also just mean every girl's a babe. where's the woman supporting woman vibes at, huh?

PUCK: course i did, there was lots to like. 'cause 'not to be that guy, but...' you do have a pretty killer body

[thepuckrman]

TXT MSG. 📱 SUNSHINE ⇆ PUCK.

SUNSHINE: First impressions are all, but I was just stating facts. You /are/ handsome.

SUNSHINE: Wait. Is 'Shine' gonna be your official name for me now?

SUNSHINE: So what you're saying is that I should keep feeding you compliments?

SUNSHINE: I can oblige but I might need one of my own first.

PUCK: not gonna lie, you're not wrong, but handsome's just not one of those words people use to describe me.

PUCK: maybe. why, you wanna give a reason to change it to 'moon' instead? 🌚

PUCK: hey, babe was totally a compliment. you think i didn't look through all your pics when we matched? i'm also statin facts here

[thepuckrman]

text 📲 puck ⇆ mercedes 🖕🏽

MERCEDES: you need a glass of water for the thirst you seem to have over there. especially bc you're thirsting over something a long time ago.

MERCEDES: 😒

MERCEDES: I take back my five percent and you can kiss my ass.

MERCEDES: I mean I did top the bday girl| [DELETED]

MERCEDES: way too much information for what sounds like you trying way too hard.

PUCK: not my fault it was so hydrating for so long, must've been all the work you did on my crops. or maybe i'm like a succulent. emphasis on the succ, at least when the moment calls for it.

PUCK: if you don't think that's a deal i'd deal, you're trippin, cedes

PUCK: oh c'mon, seriously? i just wanna bond. if you're not gonna bone me, at least let me know who you're boning

[thepuckrman]

txt message 📩 puck('s burner phone) ⇆ tina

TINA: 😒😒😒 didn’t you live with him for a year?

TINA: okay that’s actually good advice. I may absorb that much.

TINA: promise me I won’t get hurt or something?

TINA: if you safely get me high, I’ll get you the number of one of my sorority sisters.

PUCK: yeah, but i'm not evans. and i'm sure as hell not you. i'm me. and me? doesn't get in these situations, babe.

PUCK: so, instead of talking about of my ass and pretending like i know what this shit's like and how it goes, i'm gonna be real with you: i don't. i just know what i know. and it's that sam's a good dude. just not so used to fucking up with people, or having them not like him. so this whole thing's gonna sting a little extra for him, too. but i dont need to know the whole story here to know you don't have a whole ass right to wanna deck 'em either. just don't be doing it to hurt him too.

PUCK: my main advice at the end of the day though: chill out. you'll figure out your next move when you figure it out.

PUCK: and yeah, i promise you won't get hurt, freshman. so toss that in as something to chill out about.

[...]

PUCK: also, you better not be kidding about that pick of sorority babes

[thepuckrman]

[thepuckrman]

ginandsmythe‌:

Have you always had an odd fascination with how I use lube?

Oh, I know how to have fun for free, but why fuck someone in a cheap motel when you can do it on a yacht? 

Nah, that would require thinking about you for more than when you’re just pissing me off. And I’m pretty sure you do enough of that for us both.

Alright, I’ll give you that, that’s fun, but I got one thing about that... why do it in a yacht you’re paying for? It’s way more fun locate, snag and then bag someone who’s already got one.

[thepuckrman]

TXT MSG. 📱 SUNSHINE ⇆ PUCK.

sunshine: hey handsome man from tinder 😉. it's sunshine.

sunshine: omg that was actually terrible.

sunshine: annnnnnnnd i can't believe i texted you all of this. ignore it. i'm sorry. hey. what's up? how's life?

PUCK: i dunno, i was kinda about it, shine. what guy's gonna be against a babe callin em handsome?

PUCK: besides, that's way better than asking me how's life. 'what's up' can work some wonders but only if you play your cards right

[thepuckrman]

TXT MESSAGE 📩 puck ⇆ sugar

SUGAR: I am not insane. Espresso is espresso it's not my fault you went a lil crazy.

SUGAR: You said I was his cousin! Which! Means I can use his sister as an example that the Luthor dna is not tainted completely with bad guy genes!

SUGAR: Aww I got a thank you. I'll cherish it forever. Proud of you for your thinking btw.

SUGAR: I have never had someone complain so much about food before. I'll remember this and never feed you ever again for at least a week.

SUGAR: That is the meanest thing you've ever said to me. How do you not know ELLE WOODS?

PUCK: apparently your ass doesn't know the power of shots, espresso or otherwise. can't decide if i wanna go drinking with you or not

PUCK: That doesn't mean anything! That's a character witness, at best, and that's not gonna get you off. A pity "not guilty" maybe, but that's it. if you could use DNA like that, i'd of used my kid sister instead of evidence to keep me from going to jail

PUCK: YOU CAN'T GO FROM OVERFEEDING TO STARVING. are you gonna have kids, motta? 'cause i'm starting to worry, big time

PUCK: what do you want from me? i don't know the names of lots of girls. you can't fault me for being a popular guy

[thepuckrman]

txt message 📩 puck('s burner phone) ⇆ jake

JAKE: sign me the fuck up, man.

JAKE: i'd be game for that.

PUCK: wait seriously? i was mostly saying that 'cause no one ever yes to having moonshine with me.

PUCK: i mean, besides evans, but he doesn't need any of that shit right now.

PUCK: you better be not sick by saturday then dude, or else you'll be fucked

[thepuckrman]

txt message 📩 puck('s burner phone) ⇆ tina

TINA: but how long, puck? Do I just get over him? Do I wait until it stops hurting and then see if maybe we should have a go at it? Do I just drop everything and shove all the feelings down and be with him?

TINA: I have zero experience with anything so everything feels like a crash course.

TINA: Yeah, I have a PR seminar till 5 and then I’ll walk over.

TINA: I can do that. Give you a fair chance at things.

PUCK: whoa hey, how about you take a breath? if you think i've got any sort of answers, i can tell ya i don't

[...]

[...]

PUCK: but... what i can say is that shit passes. it doesn't go away, but the bullshit it can make you feel passes. so it gets easier to, you know, deal with whatever you gotta deal with.

PUCK: so you're gonna be fine freshman.

PUCK: and in the meantime, just come over and get high with me. first time's free-- consider it getting a sample

[thepuckrman]

zizeschmizes‌:

That’s more like vigilante justice considering it’s for the greater good. Which I’m all about. It’s wild Western media’s behind the curve since Bollywood is the biggest movie industry but like you said, there’s qwhite a specific look for leading men. Is acting something you’re actually interested in? 

No one needs the visual of Hefner’s junk, but fair enough, names do get numbers. He was a full-on creeper, though so maybe not the best example. Guess you’ll just have to stay curious, ‘cause it’s a ‘show, not tell’ experience and that’s def not happening. It was you. I’ve got the pictures beforehand to prove it. 

Word up, the Puckster’s all about vigilantism. That’s what makes dudes like Daredevil and Batman so dope. And chicks like Batgirl and Jessica Jones. Hey, smarty pants you spelled white wron-... oh wait, I see what you did there. That was good. I bet you give the Ginsburg professors a real run for their film degrees, huh?

There we go, knew you’d see it my way, creep status aside. Lots of the greats are fucked up, having idols is for suckers. Doesn’t mean they don’t make panties drop though. Damn, you really gonna do me dirty like that? Sorta fucked up, what if I’ve got some things I wanna show you, too? Fine, you supply me those “incriminating pics” so you can’t press charges and then we’ll see if I admit to anything.

[thepuckrman]

TXT MESSAGE 📩 puck ⇆ qfabs

QUINN: Do you seriously think you're going to get me to send you half naked photos?

QUINN: Surprisingly the list of people who actually annoy me is small, but don't worry, you're still at the top of it. I already have plenty of customers so I don't think missing your drug money will impact things starting up for me.

QUINN: There's a bakery a few blocks away that I'm sure could meet exactly what you're looking for.

PUCK: why not? i showed you mine

PUCK: oh hardy har har. you know, a paying customer is a paying customer. if i came in with my "drug money" asking for a damn boatload of snickerdoodles, you'd probably turn into a damn delight all of the sudden.

PUCK: makes sense i'm on top though-- puckfasa usually winds up there

[thepuckrman]

txt message 📩 puck('s burner phone) ⇆ jake

JAKE: that’s my dude.

JAKE: might be game for a little smoke and something else to help boost morale this weekend.

PUCK: yeah? i'd be down to fuck with this weekend. all i've got is weed if we're talking recreational shit.

PUCK: however, i do know where we can get some hooch if you really wanna boost things

[thepuckrman]

txt message 📩 puck('s burner phone) ⇆ tina

TINA: ...it's possible...

TINA: You know he texts me like these super nice and amazing things, but I can't bring myself to respond. I sit there, I read them, I get all happy and smiley, and then I remember how hurt I am, how stupid I am.

TINA: Okay, I'll be there soon.

TINA: ................ya know........I'm starting to not totally hate you. You're kinda funny.

PUCK: course he does. it's evans. if he's on your mind, he's gonna tell you that. but him doing it doesn't make him a better person, just like you not answering doesn't make you a shitty one. things are just fucked up. but you won't always feel stupid about this shit, freshman. it passes.

PUCK: you gonna come by after your classes? dont figure you much of a cut classes to get high type.

PUCK: keep talking to me and you might find there's lots of things to like. just try to cool it on objecting me already, tee