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(QUEEN BUNNY)

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Bellyache (cover)

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(QUEEN BUNNY)

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Love on the brain (cover)

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(QUEEN BUNNY)

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(QUEEN BUNNY)

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Tears dry on their own (cover)

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Sober (cover)

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(QUEEN BUNNY)

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Back to black- QUEEN BUNNY (amy winehouse cover)

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Heartbreak

Today I want to talk about heartbreak. When I was little I heard songs about broken hearts, I heard people talk about broken hearts but I never really took the subject itself seriously. I have been rejected by crushes, had things taken from me, stolen from me, childhood pets taken, stolen, given away and I have cried countless times and even more countless tears over a broken heart. When something so dear to you is gone or something you care about so much that you want so badly that you can’t have, don’t have or never will have… well… it crushes you. I have always taken heartbreak harshly. Or losing things harshly. It causes me physical pain and when the sadness hits… it really does hit. I remember when I was very very very young- I can’t exactly remember how old- my parents were solid christians and would spend late nights helping at the church. They would leave my older sister in charge to take care of us and make sure we got to bed on time before they came back around 3 or 4 in the morning. I hated that. I was terrified without my parents. I thought to myself “What if something bad happened?”. I depended on them so much for protection from scary things and the outside world. I had major anxiety issues and I think that's where it all began. I hate losing people. I like to keep friends, stay in touch with family, stay in touch after a break up. That's just me. Once I have something I cherish it so much that I can’t ever imagine letting it go. I remember when my dog sammy had to go to the vet to get neutered. He was gone all day. I missed him so much. He was my best friend and when I was sad or felt lonely and that no one else would understand me, he was the one I spoke to. I loved him. I have always had an issue with connecting with my pets so deeply that I suffer once it’s time to let go. In the middle of the day he crossed my mind and a sharp pain stabbed me in my chest. I couldn’t stop crying and the pain wouldn’t go away. I had no idea what it was. But it went away as soon as he was safe and back home. About a year later I came home from the last day of school and he wasn’t there. I looked around the house and couldn’t find him. I didn’t worry about it too much because I assumed he was somewhere playing or something. But after a while I got worried and asked my parents where the dogs were. (there were two miniature poodles. “Sammy” and “Snoopy” And they said “We gave him to the SPCA. We can’t afford to take care of him anymore.” And nothing. I said nothing. I felt nothing. I was fine. But the truth was I was so hurt that it traumatized me. It was about two weeks later. I hadn’t shed one tear. Then one morning I woke up so sad… I didn’t know why. So I decided to write down how I was feeling and maybe I would come to the root of why I felt the way I did. After rambing on for two pages I finally wrote “And I really miss my dog.” Seeing those letters written on that paper struck me hard. And all those happy memories flashed by. And I burst into tears. I cried and I cried and I cried and it hurt. Badly. Horribly. The paper was soaked with tears and the black crayola marker smeared across. After that day it was all a blur. That was my first experience with depression. But that is another story. Anyways my point is… heartbreak hurts. But the kind of heartbreak that BROKE me was when I had my heart broken for the very first time. I’m talking about LOVE. Yes… LOVE. The thing that I never ever thought would happen to me. Truth is NO ONE is safe. If I cried over my dog going to the vet KNOWING he would be back soon… you can imagine how I took it. Not good. But I’m getting to that. Loving someone is one thing. Loving your mother, your sister, your brother. But when you FALL IN LOVE with a person. That is a different kind of love. I believe this is mainly because your partner can provide you with certain things that your family and friends cannot. The special feelings they give you, the way they touch you, they way they talk to you, sexual satisfaction, a whole different world. In a relationship it becomes the two of you. Always the two of you. You are never alone because you guys are always together. Thatperson becomes your best friend and when you need them they are there. You feel and truly believe this person will be in your life forever and you will always be together. We all know that it’s SO unrealistic but it’s what we feel when we are in love. Even after falling in love I still had the same beliefs as when I was a little kid. I didn’t believe that people stay together forever. I believed that people come and go. They meen, cherish time together and eventually feelings fade and everyone moves on. Even though I couldn’t let ANYONE or ANYTHING go. Not even when I knew I had to. In my relationship I didn’t take it seriously at first. It was my first committed relationship and I didn’t think it would last. I was going to just have fun with it, roll with it and see where it went. Or see how far it went before we got bored and decided to peacefully part ways. But he didn’t get bored. He fell in love with me and he provided me with things that no one else did. That no one else could. It was physical. It was spiritual. The way he spoke to me… the way he touched me… his way of being. His experience. His deepness. I had my guard down because I felt I was immune to love. I was like “Oh it’s so sweet how badly he wants me. I’ll feed into it. I like how it feels. It’s nice to be wanted so hard.” I had been with many boys and I had NO feelings for them. M feelings were never more then “I like him. He’s cool.” or “He’s nice.” But somehow this man pushed through. I began to feel new things that I never felt before and it scared me. One time I stayed up all night crying because I couldn’t stop thinking about him and I thought that something was wrong with me. I started having dreams about him and obsessing over him. Wondering what he was doing. Checking my phone all day to see if he messaged. I had never gone through that before. I was usually always the one having that boy waiting and obsessing over me. I was spiraling. 

(STAY TUNED FOR MORE IN THE NEXT)

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This song makes me feel so happy

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(Lashae!!) Another original song. Please, please, please enjoy and share and annoy your friends about me. lol

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First Blog (’Bout my Family)

To be honest I have no idea how to blog or what to do or what to say. I decided to start this blog to keep myself busy from distractions. I get distracted so easily and once that thing is there I can’t stop thinking about it. There is so much going on in my life this year... So much that I wanna do as far as my dreams go. I don’t really like to talk about myself too much. Well, its fun letting others get to know me but I feel like once you tell someone everything there is to know, the excitement is gone and people move on. But since I don’t really have anything else to do I might as well do this. These little things won’t be so long. I guess I’ll start this thing off from the beginning. Kinda like a fairy-tale I guess...

 My parents were SUPER young when they met. They were only 14 years old. They got married after my mom got pregnant with my older sister. I am the second child. I was born December 16th 1999 in Virginia beach, Virginia. My star sign is Sagittarius and my Chinese sign is rabbit. My parents’ story to me is like the kind you see in movies. They have told us about their love story a million times as I was growing up and I never ever got tired of hearing it. It was sweet and beautiful and cool how they wished for me and my siblings to have the same as what they found with each other. I didn’t think about things like that. I liked the story because it was all about how I even came to be. But love wasn’t my thing. I was a flirtatious little girl. The only one out of my sisters with the boyfriends.  I actually never realized it until now but I was a little TOO flirty for my age. I had a crush on literally everyone, everyone liked me, and even if I wasn’t attracted to a boy, I would still flirt with him because I wanted him to want me just like everyone else. I know. I know. But that is just how I was. I feel like children and virgins are the real freaks. They are the real dirty minds because their imaginations have no limits. As we got older the stories had more detail and we heard the reality of love. They used to leave out the bad things because we were so so young and couldn’t possibly understand. Me myself... I wasn’t interested in falling in love. The only love I had was the love for my family, my toys and my pets. I believed that I was immune to love and that I would be free forever. I would never ever get married or be OWNED by any man. Those were the days. Things were so simple then. But the teen years kick in and hormones take over and fuck you all up in the head. But anyways... back to the story. After me came three more. My two younger sisters and my little brother. Out of us all... I am the bad child. I always got in trouble more. I always got us into trouble. I always was off doing something I wasn’t supposed to. I mean... I wasn’t a bad KID. The things I did weren’t so awful trust me. Just little things here and there like sneaking food, going to my friends house, bringing in stray animals from the playground, not doing chores, accidentally breaking things, you know... stuff like that. I just did it more than my other siblings. My older sister was the bossy one. We are not that far apart in age but she always took care of me. She changed all of our diapers. She used to be so mean to us though. She was one bossy, and controlling kid. Then there is my little sister. She was my shadow. I was mostly extroverted and she followed me. She wanted to be just like me therefore followed my every move. My baby brother is cool as a fan and the chillest dude you could meet. My baby sister wasn’t born until we moved out here to Ecuador. But I promise you everyone’s heart melts when they meet her. She is so beautiful and cute. She sings, dances and is EXTREMELY photogenic. I love her so much. I post videos of us on my Instagram stories often. My mother is a very spiritual person. A witch actually. She is calm, wise, beautiful and bad. She is that mom that every girl wants to have. She is that mom that shows up to your school and have the little boys drooling and male teachers staring. She smokes blunts and handles her liquor well. And she says “fuck everybody. I’m da baddest.” She’s a creole woman from New Orleans. I won’t say too much about her but just know that you would be LUCKY to ever meet her. She is a real cool person. As for my dad I don’t know where to start. He is cooler than cool. He was my favorite person in the world. There is so much to say about him but I will save it for later because my hands are tired. That’s my family. And that is my first blog. Sooo..... yeah. 

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I wrote this song a long time ago and just found the perfect beat for it. Hope you all enjoy. If you do please check out my YouTube channel "Lashae!!!" where I post both original songs and covers. I do have a little video of me singing this particular song. Go check that out and feel free to follow me on instagram @lashaesantiago. I post short covers and photos and all sorts of cool things for your entertainment.