thescreamingraven

[thescreamingraven]

"Am I in love? Absolutely. I'm in love with ancient philosophers, foreign painters, classic authors, and musicians who have died long ago. I'm a passionate lover. I fawn over these people. I have given them my heart and my soul. The trouble is, I'm unable to love anyone tangible. I have sacrificed a physical bond, for a metaphysical relationship. I am the ultimate idealistic lover."

—James Dean

[thescreamingraven]

Two Of A Kind

Tommy x reader  

Summary:  You’ve been living a moderately peaceful life in the shadows of Small Health. When one night you were suddenly entangled in a dreadful accident with none other than the Saint of Birmingham, who plunged you into his life, hidden in a veil of mistaken identity, Elizabeth Edwards. A story about a doomed affair which shrouded in lies, reticence and yearning. 

Warning: Few swears, and a non descriptive night of passion. So, Read at your own risk. 16+ I’d wager.

Word count: 25k

One, two

You got up early that next morning and resolved your mind into apologising to Abigail, even though you were still firmly convinced that you’d done no wrong, craving nothing more than to let bygones be bygones. As you strolled down the corridor, with a certainty of sort blooming, that there was no way in hell your aunt would just leave you over such a trifle. Maybe in time she’d even learn to accept it, maybe not, but you were sure she’d learn to live with it and revere your decision.

But when you entered the room, expecting to find everything as usual, you were struck with a blow of reality settling in as the bed was made without any trace of an escort, merely a small box prevailed on one of the pillows, some Danish tea or other. Apart from that, she’d completely disappeared. Her formerly crowded dresser stood empty, with no possession of hers in sight. There was no message or last call, not even a wave goodbye. She was utterly gone. You settled down, seeing the reality of it all crashing down around you as you dropped onto the bed. Darting your sights to your side, you gently reached down for the small tea tin rolled up in an elegant indigo bow, frightened that with a simple touch, the last trace of her would disappear. The last hint of irony from your aunt.

After that, the days grew gloomier. The gnawing sense of unmerited shame cut into your mind, causing you to take a few days off from work and remain in bed. Feeling the grief wash over you, tide after tide, striking the unyielding cliffs. In such moments, the sun couldn’t gleam like it used to. The birdsongs crossed as if the refrain couldn’t skim through the air like it once did before. Making you lay in the haven you’ve created from the storm, fending off the liability and sorrow of craving to start anew. Sadness would fade into desperation, despair would turn to anger, the feeling of wanting to be alone, replaced by wanting to unburden the weight on someone else, and so the cycle repeated itself for a few days to an end.

You didn’t know whether to be pleased or deterred by how everyone reacted to your behaviour. It was nice to enjoy the space you were given, but sometimes you wished there was someone to comfort you. What scared you the most was Tommy. He made no effort to talk to you, perhaps hoping to give you space, or worse. You could only speculate. Abigail’s words clawed at you, as you hoped she wouldn’t be right about him, not feeling up to live through another betrayal and lose the progress you had made.

When the sun reappeared on the sixth day, you forced yourself to go to work, craving a distraction from your recent day to day and wanting to get back some normality in your life. Fortunately, your employer found out what had happened and was a little too happy to see you back on your feet and able to work. From the few days of coping, his office had returned to its former self, giving you enough of a distraction to last a decade.

But somewhere in the early hours of the evening, the mist of the day cleared, revealing a sky that had turned a shade of colour you’d never seen before. The ravens screeched and flew around the azure. The waves of clouds that normally worshipped the sky with their pure white innocence no longer remained, leaving instead a path of dripping crimson and a wind so harsh it would tear the town apart, as if it were something from the end of the world, a kind of solar eclipse. 

All this made you uneasy as you tidied up as much as you could for the day, waiting for the bell to ring, signifying Reed’s return, meaning you could go home. You were worried about him. It was undignified to go out in this kind of weather. Even from the safety of the clinic, you could hear the wind passing by the signs, creating its own melody to go along with the hellfire outside. A quick shopping trip he’d promised you, barely fifteen minutes. Almost forty six minutes later, you were still sitting at the counter, just as he’d left you, hoping Tommy had sent someone to take you home and not let you walk on foot.

Peering at the unsettling sky outside, you felt relieved to see a hooded figure climbing the stairs to the clinic, already preparing a speech you would give the wandering doctor. But as the person entered, battering by the relished bell, you held back any shrewd remarks, realising that it was not Reed, but some fool who would come to, in this type of weather. As he closed the door behind him, a gale of wind let itself in, amounting to where you were sitting, knocking over a few sets of newspapers on the floor, causing you to promptly kneel to the ground as you heard the client shuffling in the background.

“Good evening, sir. What can I help you with on this fine evening?” you inquired, drawing the severed sheets into one batch, his heavy footsteps traipsing about.

Straightening out the papers, you heard the fellow scoff at your meagre attempt at humour. “The evening isn’t so fine. Have you seen the sky? It looks like something straight from hell,” he humoured as you finally brought all the papers into a batch, shooting your eyes through the floor making sure there was none left behind, before standing up leading over the edge to place the papers back in their place. 

“Tell me about it...” you broke off, watching as the man rummaged in the pockets of his hanging coat, pausing and peering towards you when you stopped talking, lingering for you to continue. Overlooking the fear and confliction plastered on your face he smiled, that smile of his looking anything but welcoming instead it seemed perverted, similar to the one he wore that day when he first found you, the same one that kept haunting your dreams with the notion of what he might’ve done if you hadn’t run off when you did. He plastered out his hands as if he was greeting an old mate and confided the same cursed name.

“What are you doing here?” you spat out, hearing the cupboards shuffling behind you as you accidentally backed into one.

“Hey, hey, it’s all right, honey... I’m not going to hurt you,” he tried reassuring you, holding out his hands in defence with slow and incomplete steps making his way towards you. “I just want to talk.”

“You’re not welcome here.” You knew it was an empty threat. In reality, you’d little to defend yourself with except a couple of butter knives lying behind the door you so wanted to run to, and perhaps you’d have if you hadn’t noticed the gleam of his pistol hidden in his back pockets.

“What happened to you?” the overtop fake sincerity and fragility in his tone, seeking to lure you into a spurious sense of security. Your eyes flitted around the room, ignoring the chatter of the madman who was getting closer and closer with every breath, instead searching for means to buy yourself or Reed some time. Glancing over the few cupboards heaped just above the counter, you remembered to have cleaned them out merely a few hours ago, citing that one of them was packed with glass flasks, filled to the brim with some kind of tonic. Sure, it wasn’t much, nor could they cause the man any substantial harm, but it was still something, a chance, an opportunity which you cordially seized, making sure to act before he could fire a single shot, praying to hell and heaven that you got the right drawer.

“Put those down before you hurt yourself.” He warned, pointing his bastard fingers at you as if he’d read your mind and knew what you were up to. Sure, at first, he thought it was funny when your initial attempt to hurt him landed somewhere off to his left, but his approach soon altered when he got one of the minor glass bottles shoved at his forehead. And so you sent bottle after bottle, crate after crate, until he was within a reasonable distance again, ricocheting around the office, struggling to evade the attacks on him. A small part of you wished it would be enough, that he’d see how unyielding and aloof you were and leave you be. There was even a blunt moment when you’d pressured him over to the very rim of the front door, only for him to pick up his coat and hold it in front of him like a facade. “Stop throwing shit at me. I come in peace.”

But before long, your attempts had merely gained you a few extra minutes and a few minor bumps on the head. The vials weren’t particularly grand, nor the tonic related to some toxin. It was simple cold medicine. You rummaged around in the bottom of the drawer, feeling nothing but the hardwood against your hand, which meant you’d nothing left. William seemed to have noticed that as well, for he threw his coat on the floor, a minor cut trailing along his left cheek from the shattering glass. For a while, the two of you stood frozen, trying to figure out each other’s thought process, the floor, and him covered in tonic, the gun still at his back. Then something clicked. There was a lock on the backroom door and heavy furniture that you could use to construct some kind of barricade until you’d figured out a plan. You studied him once more, making sure his hands were nowhere near his back as you took your chance and fled into the back, flinging the door behind you and hearing a fevered groan from the man as his boots treated on the scattered glass.

However, once you turned around, grabbing ahold of the latch, you were hit with a crumbling realisation. It was a complete bust, with a mechanism that dulled with age, barely clinging to the wood. In all the turmoil and feeling your heart pounding away in your heel, you tried to knock over one of the lighter and shorter cupboards, only to find them pinned to the wall. Letting yourself sink against the door, you let go of an unsteady breath, choking for air. You were done for, cornered like a fool, with nothing but a mangled door bearing a thread over your life. Silence fell as you heard his footsteps halt outside, causing you to cover your mouth with your hand, struggling to suppress a sob. He started knocking, of all the times to act like a gentleman from the provinces. You speculated on what he was going to do. Would he make it quick, strand you over, perhaps take advantage. Who could know with a man such as himself? You pushed yourself away from the door and instead made your way to the drawers, lazily opening the cupboard and scanning over the many sections of silverware as a more adamant butter knife captured your eye, if you were going down, you’d be going down with a fight. You picked it up and stared at your reflection on the blade before breathing in and out, waiting for the door to creak open.

It wasn’t long before the knocking and affirmations died away and were replaced by silence and a steadily growing sense of foreboding that drove you to keep your eyes on the handle as you stood like a cornered rat at the other end of the room before he oh so graciously announced that he was coming in. The insouciance and ignorance made your stomach turn.

He entered the room carrying himself as if he were the owner, the monarch of the world, which made it even harder to control the panic coursing through your veins. His gaze soon wandered to your hand, in particular the means by which you intended to defend yourself. Soon as he spotted it, he kicked the door shut behind him with a hunched sigh trapping the two of you in the enclosed space.

“We both know you won’t cut me, so just put the knife down and let’s talk like civilised folk.”

"You call that civilised?" You spat, gripping the metal handle of the knife as you looked over at the gun sticking out at his side.

“All right.” He remarked, raising his hands in defeat. He pulled out his gun and placed it within reach on the counter. “See, I’m not going to do anything. I just want to talk to you.” he now stood on the other side of the room, making no intent of coming closer to you, but lowering his hands into his pockets. “Never thought I’d run into you again...” he broke off, shifting from one leg to the other and scratching the back of his neck as he continued. “You look well... well as someone can be, dressed in finery like that married to a-“ he cut off. Something about saying his name made him nervous. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

There was much you wanted to say, much you wanted to ask, the words in your mind lingered laced with indignation, yet you remained sane, trying to wait out the sentence, instead backing it with cessation filled silence, not wanting to provoke him any further.

"Did he do anything to you?" He tried once again to get an answer out of you, his tone softened to a whisper, as if the two of you weren't the only ones present, his eyes wandering all over you, insearch of any signs of abuse. "Did he hurt you?"

"What?" Of course he'd think that in his eyes he was the victor, the rightful one, and Tommy and you were in the wrong. In his mind, you were his just as much as he was yours. "No."

“Did he threaten you?” He turned to another unsuccessful tactic in his guessing game. “You know you can tell me. I’ll get you away from that bastard.”

“William...” you muttered, recognising the desperation of the man who seemed to cling to irrationality more than anything in need of someone to break him out of the trance. “I’m sorry... But you’re delusional, I’m not Y/n... my name is Elizabeth Edwards, I know it must be hard losing someone so close to you, but please sir, you’re acting crazy—they could hang you for this.”

But your entreaties were in vain, and far from convincing to the man, for you saw his face contort in disgust. “What has that Shelby bastard done to you?” he urged, taking a few steps towards you, making you hold the knife tighter. Your fingertips turned red from the pressure. “What kind of curse did he put on you?”

“I’m not cursed. I’m as I was, and you, sir, need professional help.” You spewed, wondering where the hell Reed was when you needed him most. “Unfortunately, you won’t get any here... Now I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Of course, you weren’t expecting him to leave. If flying bottles didn’t do the trick, words would do even less. What you didn’t expect was that he’d suddenly baulk at you. Clinging to your wrist, pushing you to hit the cabinet behind you, the impact caused some objects to fall. You swung at him where you could, fighting back, determined to keep your only means of defence, but with one trip, it fell from your hands and William tipped it over somewhere under the furniture. The steel clanged as it hit the floor, shattering any solid chances of hurting him.

“Calm down, I’m not going to hurt you, okay? I just want to talk to you,” he called out to you, feeling you struggle against him as he seized both your arms in place, holding you against the edge.

“This is what you call just talking?”

“I was afraid you were gonna stab me to death.”

“And the gun?”

“It’s not meant for you. I would never hurt you,” He cried, letting go of your wrists but continuing to press himself against you, preventing you from running away. “We’re all alone here, so drop your bloody disguise, will you? Enough of what’s her name, shit.” He raised his stained hands, covered with little rivulets of blood, to caress your cheek as you shook your head against him, making an involuntary tear escape only to be caught. “Just you and me... Now tell me, no bullshitting, remember?” he questioned, looking you up and down, his smile fading with concern as you refused to look at him, twitching at his touch. “What in god’s name are you doing? I swear, if this is what you meant talking about plan B, I ain’t sure whether you’re mad or a bloody genius.”

Then it hit you how truly of a maniac the man before you really was. He couldn’t tell the truth from a lie. The grief of someone having to face the tax collector so soon clouded his mind. It also meant he was easily duped and ready to play pretend. “You shouldn’t have risked coming here... You’ll blow my cover.” You chirped, forcing yourself to soak in his touch, no matter how perverted, “That Shelby bastard threatened me and I was so—Oh Will, I didn’t know what to do...”

“Fuck!” he growled, pulling you against him. The nauseating smell of brewed down beer made it even harder to play along, but against your better judgement, you wrapped your hands around him, eyeing the lone gun lying on the counter. “Had me worried sick. How many times have we talked about this? You can’t just go along with everything that comes into your silly head.”

”I know… I’m sorry.”

“You better be.

As tempting as the feeling of playing the big shot and having a much over waited initiation into the Shelby family was, looking over to the gun, you knew you wouldn’t be able to do it. Apart from never having to hold a gun in your hand or even deliberately having a proper look at it, the feeling of killing another human being, the blood pouring from them as they died, shook you to the core. The entire idea of having something in your hand that could end a life terrified you. The weapon that initially made you feel like you could decide who deserved to live and who didn’t was out of the question. And so you sought to get the next best thing: a vase that stood by the enticed window that had brought you nothing that housed a blooming orchid.

You tore yourself away from the man, losing your grip to falter, playing with the damsel in distress, making your way towards the window. “What are we going to do?” you sought, and almost let out a cry of relief as you ran your hand over the mink material.  ”He’ll come after us.”

”Why? What did you do?” 

Your mind, befuddled with the sweet taste of freedom, made all the rational ideas you might have had about your little prehistory disappear, and so you silenced him before he could ask anything else of you. “Did you hear that?”

“What?” He asked, looking away from you to the closed off door, trying to listen in on any signs of uninvited guests. “I didn’t-“

You weren’t sure how you ended up on the street. Gasping for air, you stood in front of the building, hands resting on your knees, focused on the pavement, while your legs trembled, ready to give out at any moment. Everything seemed so out of place, too loud, too fast, and the echoing chime of the front door ringing in your ear did nothing to ease the tension. The flood of emotions washed over you far too quickly, making you want to throw up, tears blurring your eyes as you let the rush overwhelm you.

And then you heard it, that soothing voice that whipped you into a frenzy. As you looked around, desperately wishing and hoping that it wasn’t some trick devised by the staggering rush. But when you found who you were searching for, you couldn’t help but let out a shaky laugh. You never thought the smell of the grey haze would serve you this much relief. He was standing right there, with his back to the neighbouring building, just a few steps away. Your missing doctor stood idly by, the bag of supplies he’d insisted on getting dangled at his feet. Realising you could barely stay on your feet, you broke off in their direction, seeking some ground you could lean on.

“Here she is now.” Reed spoke, nudging in your direction. His cheerful demeanour suddenly became stomach turning as he took in the sight of you. “Dear god, what happened?” He stood right in front of you, eyeing you over as you tried to find a way to answer, feeling the raw dryness in your throat. Any sense of a proper sentence became babbling nonsense that you tried to control by trying to steady out your breathing in hopes it’ll all just go away, that you’d wake up and Abigail would scold you for oversleeping or not acting ladylike enough. If not for the gratifying dream, you’d dreaded looking up at your prestigious husband and letting him see you as you were. You couldn’t get a proper look at yourself, but the glimpse you caught made you look as if you’d just come from a slaughterhouse.

Would he be mad, would he leave you, the thoughts ran endless, and they’d have remained so had it not been for the harsh leather covered hands on your cheek and a stern voice telling you to breathe, forcing you to follow it through whatever haze you were in. Not soon after you brought your own hands on top of his, slowly feeling yourself come down from the terrible intoxication.

“Just breathe, alright?” he demanded, his voice becoming clearer with each word, as things started to make sense again. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” you uttered, shaking your head, trying to dispel the tightness in your throat, your mind wanting nothing more than to cling to him for dear life, to lose all sense. Sure, it might’ve been pathetic, a sign of weakness and desperation, but no matter how many times you tugged in that direction, hoping he’d take the hint, it didn’t work. He only held you up, his hands falling to your sides. The intensity of his sights keeping you afloat. “What happened?”

You recited the man's name like a curse you've been carrying around for ages. It feels like something heavy has been lifted from your shoulders, causing your body to finally release itself from its urge to survive. Seeing your husband withdraw even his minimal ways of comfort left you feeling bare and open. You wanted to reach out to him, beg him to stay a little longer and take you back into his arms. But as soon as you reached out, you stopped yourself, or rather his demeanour did, which had changed from middling concern to stoic composure.

Perhaps it was the impending onslaught, but he looked maddening. He made your blood run cold, even though you knew you weren’t the one who’d committed the offence, looking like the executioner about to put the rope around the hangman’s neck. Making you wonder if the rumours were really just the ramblings of fishwives who’d nothing better to do but discourage children from avoiding the night? For the man before you differed immensely from the man you claimed you knew.

“Well, then I’ll go have a chat with mister Carver, it’s high time we were acquainted.” he asserted, as you stood silently, waiting for his next move, wanting nothing more than to go home and get behind the comforts of familiarity. “Stay with her. Make sure she’s not hurt.”

“Will do, sir, your wife is in good hands.” Reed came up from behind you, giving you a pat on the back in a poor attempt to soothe you, as you watched the stranger before you head up the steps. “Oh, and do try not to kill anyone while you’re in there, it’s really-“ a slam of the front door had caught the bell’s attention, causing the doctor to mutter “unhygienic” at the neglect of his warning. Sighing, he led you aside, preparing the list of questions he was opting to ask.

Standing there shaken as a ghost, you tried answering the thrown out questions, but the only thing that held your focus was the front door through which Tommy had disappeared. You stood there, harshly forcing the handkerchief against your fingers as you tried to wipe away the last traces of dried blood stuck between your nails, waiting for a victor to emerge and be done with the seemingly never ending suspense.

“I’m really sorry about this, Reed. It seems I couldn’t keep my word after all.”

“Don’t go worrying about all that, you’ve warned me about the fellow before, I’m just sorry I wasn’t there to stop it, especially on your first day back,” he seemed to mock himself picking up the chief you’d been clinging to, “You’ve got some blood on your cheek. Do you mind if I…?”

“No, go ahead.” You murmured, intertwining your hands as your gaze never leaves the door. “I must look like a real mess, huh? The shining example of a suburban wife.”

“I’ve seen worse.” Determined, he nudges the underside of your cheek, trying to scrub away the blood, before he catches your gaze. “Look away before you burn two giant holes in my door.”

“I’m worried about him.”

“Your bloke will be fine, I’d be more worried about the other fellow more.” he went on, finally stopping the tugging on your cheek. “You gave him his motivation to hang ten men in his way.”

“Do I really look that bad?” 

“Should’ve seen the look on the man’s face when he saw you come out here shaking and bloody. Thought he was going to bury me right then and there.” he claimed, putting the square handkerchief back in his pocket. “I can’t say I blame him. I imagine I’d look the same if someone hurt Rose or little Sean.”

Forcing yourself to pray away the hanging tension, you turned to him, smiling at the man in front of you. “How are they? We haven’t spoken for some time. "Well, I think they're doing mighty fine, we all are." he said, noticeably shifting his leg, an embarrassed smile appearing on his face. "They are staying at mines for the time being."

“Well, aren’t you sly? Didn’t take you for the type.”

It felt really out of place to be having such a casual sounding conversation just minutes away from what nightmares had conveyed. Yet, you craved distraction, the reason being that your husband was alone in a locked room with a madman and a loaded gun that could easily befriend him and wid you far too quickly if he wasn’t careful. You saw Reed opening his mouth to make a stern remark when the sound of a window breaking interrupted the casual conversation between friends and brought you back to reality, causing you to jump in that direction, only to have Reed’s harsh grip stop you from going any further.

“Where are you rushing to?”

 “To help.”

“To help, she says.” He taunted you, waving his arms about, “You’re helping by staying here out of harm’s way. If you were to rush, you'd do more harm than good.” Whether it was your plan or the damage to his property, the man looked beside himself. Yet the harshness and logical point of view ran through your mind as you silently agreed, waiting for your husband to show up or call for help, perhaps even crawl up from behind the building. What you didn’t accept was him slamming the front door behind him with not a scratch on him, still standing, still alive. Your legs bore their own as you ran to him, looking him over more closely, only now noticing the few bruises that would soon become apparent.

“Tom, are you alright?” you admonished, trying to distract and keep yourself from panicking anymore than you already were. “Where’s William?”

“Gone, he ran off.” he replied casually, pulling out a drag of smoke as you stood star struck by his indifference to the situation.

“Seems he got a few knocks in.” You suggested, wishing you could give him the same sense of comfort he had provided you. Deciding to cross that line, you tried to reach out your hand to fondle his cheek like he did moments ago. Sure, it was selfish and cruel at such a time, as you sought to bend him to your will, trying to rid him of the devil that came out of the building and instead bring back the posh gentleman that you’d learned to lo-like and adore. Rightfully so, your advances were quickly extinguished with a swat of hand and some kind of assurance that he was all right, before he walked off far enough so that you couldn’t smell the smoke, leaving you alone on the steps, instead seeking comfort from the mistress of fire and smoke.

“Do you want me to patch you up, Mister Shelby?” Reed finally spoke up, hoping to break the peril of the situation.

“I’m fine. We best get home. It’s getting late.”

“You sure you’re okay?” you fretted, pursuing his lead, trying to stop him to have time to look him over once more, worried what wounds might be hiding under a chink in his armour.

“Are you?” it annoyed you how easily he deflected the question with his insouciant manner. It also tore you apart to think what would happen if you prayed and made a scene in front of the poor doctor who’d had half of his establishment tarnished.

“A bit shaken up, but I’m fine,” you retorted, your tactics to make him see reason failing before your very eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want Reed to examine you? I’m sure he won’t mind, right?”

“Of course not, truly it be no trouble.”

"I'm fine, nothing a tonic can't cure. I'm sorry about the window. I'll send someone to fix it." 

“I’d appreciate it.” Reed nodded to the offer, secretly glad that he wouldn’t have to pay for the damage out of his own pocket.

“Are you going to be okay?” you questioned, turning to Reed, letting Tommy finish his cigarette while he waited in the direction you’ll be going.

“I’ll be fine, dear. You folks take care.”

“We will,”

“Call us if he comes back and I’m sorry again for the inconvenience.”

The journey home was a total disaster. There was a stifling silence in the car as you blinked back and forth between the road and Tommy. The gnawing feeling that something was wrong wouldn’t let you rest, so you kept looking back to make sure the man wasn’t dying as he sat quietly, sometimes catching your lingering eyes just so you could look away. Even though the silence bugged you, making you feel out of place, you’d done nothing to clear it. There was simply nothing and too much to talk about, so many questions you weren’t sure you wanted answers to. It bothered and surprised you how stoic he could be in such a situation. But then again, there was nothing irregular about his behaviour, apart from the lack of conversation and the bruises, which were now admittedly becoming more obvious by the minute. 

The drive seemed to take much longer than usual, but when you arrived home, you couldn’t suppress the relief you felt at opening that front door, finally away from the unsettling city and back into the safety and comfort of your home, your own haven. You leaned down to take off your shoes, holding yourself up on one of the cabinets only to see a little devil you haven’t seen for a few days slither down the stairs, knocking into you like a horse against a fence.

“You’re back.” he beamed as you looked over at Tommy, who was standing beside you, watching the two of you in a lost moment of awe. You wanted him to say something, anything, but before you could, he pushed the thought aside and made his way to the office, ruffling the little boy’s hair on his way.

“I’ve some calls to make. I’ll talk to you later.” He sputtered, turning on his heel and leaving you both standing there in confusion at his behaviour.

“Is Tommy okay?” Finn asked, maintaining the tightness of his embrace as he looked at you, sensing that something was wrong.

“He’s fine, probably tired from work,” you said, instinctively wanting to hug the boy back, and yet you couldn’t, no matter how silly it was you couldn’t, not until you’d had scrubbed everything off your bloodied hands not wanting to bring them anywhere near him. The hesitation didn’t go past the boy well as it made him pull away, looking down as if he was in the wrong, making you feel guilty. “How about I’ll go wash up and then we’ll do some reading? Haven’t done that in a while.”

The snide puppy dog look turned back into the beaming beacon it had been before you arrived, and the boy almost jumped on the spot. “I got a new book.”

“Did you?”

“No need to be jealous, Eli, I can share.”

“Well, thank you kindly.”

It’s been a long day and an expectant, prolonged night. The man’s touch on your skin, voice, hands wrapped around you made you cringe every time he dared to cross your mind. It took Finn quite a while to fall asleep, for he had some catching up to do from the past few days. He was a stubborn one, especially tonight. Every time he would drift off, causing you to pull away, only for him to wake up and keep rambling from where he left off. But even he had his limits, soon passing out, leaving you to tuck him in and allowing you to go on your crusade to find some distraction from the recent events.

Settling on tea, you stood back against the tabletop. The kettle whistled in your ear as you waited for the water to boil, watching the arrows tick slowly away in anticipation of the eager storm promised on paper. Concluding the water was hot enough, you reached over to turn it all off, refusing to look at your hands, which you’d scrubbed far too hard in blind rage, doing more harm than good as even some of the skin broke off. The whole day was a big, shameful mess that you’d have loved to forget and have it all burned off, torn between the desire to find a hill to cry on and the desire to seek a helping hand, finally opting for the latter, deciding to eradicate the tension before it became abundant.

You found him, as predicted, sitting in his office chair, tempering with some tonics you couldn’t make up, with a half finished whiskey bottle at his side, its rust glinting in the light. The untimely visit didn’t seem to hinder him as he simply returned to what he was doing, working to fix his face while you peered at the mess on his table, cluttered with cotton wools. Closing the door, you walked up to the desk, snatching the bottle out of his reach before he could protest, and laid it on the ground, replacing its spot with the two cups of tea you’d brought with you while he sat there fiddling with the mirror.

“Do you need help with that?”

“I’m done,” he responded, fidgeting with the cotton ball in his palm. “What’s with the gloves?”

Your eyes dropped from him to the gloves as you unconsciously planted them in your pockets. “I just came back from a stroll. Must have slipped my mind.” coming up to his chair, you leaned on the edge, furrowing as you laid over the many bruises strewed on his face. It was strange how much everything in your mind, body and soul wanted to comfort the man in front of you, to celebrate him as the victor, to be able to feel him, embrace him, throw your whims at an end, yet the menacing look from before struck you deeply, reminding you of the place you held in his grace. “Do they hurt?”

“No.” His concise answers would be the death of you. If not, he’d do the trick himself. The sole of his being. Every glimpse, every word stuck in your mind like a gaping sweet tooth. 

“I brought tea. Surprisingly, it doesn’t taste bad this time.” 

“Thank you.” It rolled off his tongue so easily, with no effort, as if it were nothing worth shaking the world over. The feeling of your fingers, even gloved, touching his was pure, deluded ecstasy, perverse and scattered, leaving you wanting more. And yet you couldn’t place that feeling, didn’t know what to do with it, where to put it, lost between wanting to get out before it was too late only to realise it had long been too late.

“Are you angry with me?” you asked, feeling your eyes swell and tears form at the corners of your eyes as the facade you’ve put on falter at the carelessness. Not wanting Tommy to see you like this, you sought to get up and return to the comfort and safety of a distance long bound, but as soon as you made a move to do so, that thought was dismissed as quickly as it came up and before long you were sitting against him, his hands wrapped around you, holding you tight, leaving you evermore confused.

“Not with you.”

"Right..." continuing back where you left off felt impossible as your mind started to think of ways to get the unpleasantness out of the room. You knew that what had happened wasn't your fault, not entirely, and yet, with no need of an apology, you still broke under the contrived pressure. "After everything that happened, I feel like I owe you an apology. If it wasn't for me..."

A shuddering sigh made its way out of you as you felt a lump in your throat, preventing you from continuing to speak without clearing your throat. You tried to shake off the obvious kernel of guilt as his comforting hand nestled benevolently at your side had the opposite effect, dropping you even deeper into the gutter so that you'd to fight tooth and nail to keep from collapsing.

"You wouldn't be..." You broke off, feeling your eyes swell and tears form in the corners of your eyes as the facade you'd had played on since the incident faded. "God." Not wanting Tommy to see you like this, eyes swollen and nose red. You wanted to get up and return to the safety of your bedroom and let it all pass on its own, but as soon as you stood up, you were pulled down by him, engulfed in his embrace as he held you tightly against him.

"Wasn't your fault. It's not like you dropped him off at Reed's clinic, eh?" You watched as he loosened one of his hands while the other held you. He reached up and wiped away the few stray tears that ran down your cheek. "Now stop crying."

"But-"

”Don’t argue with me. You know I’m right.”

”No, I actually don’t.”

“Well, I am.” Pulling you closer to him as you enjoyed the facade of carelessness behind his touch, as if only to enjoy the moment, wanting nothing more than to run away from the mistress of sense and her misfortunes. Against your will, the hint of a smile formed on your lips, only to be outshined as he copied your own, if only for a second. As he mimicked the brooding still present on your face, you couldn’t help but snort at his antics. “Often.”

“Often?” scoffing at his words, you reached for his hand, that ran patterns along your cheek, instead, caging it in your grip. A question that sounded more like a mocking retort left him questioning as his eyes trailed yours. His intention, no matter how timidly it was executed, wasn’t to stifle your dwellings, yet he slowly succeeded in doing as he gazed amusedly at your puffy eyes, which were already thinking up a dozen arguments just for the sake of arguing.

"Did you give him that cut on his face?" he asked, making you laugh at your little achievement, of which your husband seemed a little too proud.

"I may have hit him with one of Reed vials he keeps under his desk... and a vase," you added, feeling the suffocating desire to let it all go slowly subside as you reached for one of the steaming cups to further wash down the clinging feeling of drowning. "I don't think it did anything major, though."

"You basically did all my work for me."

"No, I didn't."

“He could hardly hold himself when I came to him or formulate a word.” He once again graced you with those blue eyes of his, and the smile that could melt a hundred lakes, leaving you earning for another glance as his gaze fell on his own cup, now steaming alone on the table.

“It’s not funny. Reed is going to fire me. I wasted so much medicine, you broke a window...”

“And the table.”

Furrowing your brows, you recalled a few tumbling noises as you stood outside the clinic, but certainly not something as grand as a breaking of a table, a very expensive antique table. Dead, you’d be dead by morning, if not at the hands of your stalker, then at the hands of your employer. “How does one even break a table?” Before he could entertain the idea of explaining clairvoyance to you, you shook your head obdurately, looking at the liquid which stayed still in your cup. “You know what? I don’t even want to know.”

“I’m sure he won’t fire ya. We’ll cover the damages. It’ll be as good as new.”

“We’d better.” Taking a last sip from your cup, you settled it down. Feeling bold, you explore the first opportunity for this kind of intimacy. “That man’s done well by us and here we are, breaking tables and shattering windows. Some good clients we are.”

“Where did you get it?” he pointed to the tea. Whether he changed the conversation on purpose or out of interest, you’ve yet to find out.

“Abigail left it for me on her bed... the last bit of irony on her part, I suppose.” Saying her name after such a plaintive day was like a breath of fresh air in your battered lungs. You saw him slump at the mention of her name. As if deep in thought, his gaze dropped briefly to the bottle sitting in the corner of the desk. Before his eyes darted to yours, asking questions yet not told, while you just stared silently ahead, hoping he’d muster the courage to say what was on his mind.

“Why did you stay?”

The question took the wind out of your sails. It felt like flying without knowing when you were going to fall, but when you did, you weren't sure whether to be sad, angry or happy about the impending end. The worst part was the intimidation you faced, the air that blew in from the north wind like a nightingale in the night. "What do you mean?"

“Why didn’t you leave with Abigail?”

Your eyes pierced him with an attempt at the same buried gaze, only to fail when you ridiculed at his question. He was your husband, wasn’t he? He was to stay by your side and you by his, through sickness and health, through agreements and disagreements, through blood and war, and yet, thinking back, Abigail had no prompting of such an idea. And an idea it was. Certainly one she would have suggested at least once or twice, but searching through the few weeks there was nothing of such a hint. It’s as if she wanted you to stay here with your husband, who, even in these few months, remained a stranger in a closed book you were trying to open. Perhaps she had made up her mind long before she left, the mind to never see you again.

The look on his face became weary, waiting for the gears in your head to stop turning, muttering whatever came to mind. Let him occupy your thoughts, if only for one night. "Well, I'm not married to Abigail, am I?" you stated, your hand resting around his shoulder, deciding to leave the speculation for another day. "Besides, aren't you a little glad I'm still here?"

"I'm not unhappy."

"You're a decent fellow, Tommy, and you've made yourself a friend to me."

"From a husband to a friend."

"Don't make me regret it now," you grinned at his teasing, feeling much better than before, glad that the brief form of friendship remained, perhaps even something else of the sort. Here, sitting so close to him, you finally realised how used you'd become to the suffocating smell of cigarettes that always weighed him down, and the sharpness of the plain, upscale liquor that came from his breath. Instead, everyday you had come home, it was a reminder he was still very much present, as within each day it faded during morning and came back during the night.

Whether it was appropriate for two business doers to do what you were doing was certainly debatable, and perhaps it would have led to more had he not started with his larks. With his face returned back to that boring blank expression of his, as if ready to read a statement out to the public, any domesticity gone, just like that. Part of you thought on how good of a performer he really was, to be able to jump through emotions and only feel them once it's convenient.

“He won’t come near you again,” he spoke, pulling out one of his drawers, revealing a gun hidden by some documents. “But just in case,”, taking it out in the open and looking over at you, as he laid it in your hands.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” you asked, feeling your good mood fade at the mere thought of it.

“It’s just in case.”

“A gun, Tommy? No.” You cringed, trying with great difficulty to get the heavy object back into his hand with much fuss.

“You chose to stay with me.” he simply stated, refusing to take it. “Well, staying here requires this. If you can’t handle it, let me ring Abigail and you can make peace. If you want to stay, you’ll carry this everywhere. It’s your choice.”

You saw his daring eyes as if challenging you to choose the other option, while he sat there watching you observe the gun, his demeanour giving you no further way to fiddle your way out. "Alright then." You told him, feeling the heavy burden lay in your hands. "Let me know once you've called Abigail," placing the gun on the table you looked at Tommy only to see his face etched with confusion and some play of betrayal.

"What?" you barked, trying to get some kind of reaction from him. "What did you expect? That I'd just take it?" you scoffed, offended at his simplistic approach. "I cut a man today and even that did a number on me without belief. I couldn't even hold Finn properly because I didn't want my bloody hands on him, and you think I can just shoot someone?"

“I’m not asking you to kill anyone, I’m-”

“Implying it, you’re implying it.”

“It’s not–”

"Don't tell me you're not implying it, that you're just displaying a weapon to me for show?" you taunted freeing yourself from his grip as you straightened up to stand tall, whether to intimidate or to regain your composure is unclear. "I'm not like you, Tommy, I'm not a Shelby, I'm not a gangster. To do something like that... it's not something I can do."

A still silence laid waste in the office as you finished your rant, the silence making you feel alone and in a vulnerable position, the silence coming from him irritating you as you picked up your cup, debating whether you should wait for him to say something, anything. "What if someone threatened Finn, came to take him in the night?" he asked, furrowing his eyes, watching you intently.

“Do not.” 

“You’d be alone with a gun in your hand, would you let him get taken?”

“Of course not,” you whispered, looking at the gun lying on the table. “You’re putting me in a very difficult position, Tommy. Why should I or anyone else pay for your mistakes? Why should I live in fear and hide just because you’re my husband?” you hissed, as he stared back at you unequivocally, like a soiled investment. The way he looked at you reminded you of the time when you’d just met, with any warming or trace of his softer side was gone with a simple reply as you both stared at each other, not wanting to be the one to let down.

“Too much for you then, is it?”

"Sadly, it is." you almost interrupted him, watching him stare at you as if you were nothing more than a piece of dirt lurking on the ground. Perhaps exaggerated but true.

“I’ll make sure to get in touch with your aunt tomorrow morning.”

“I think that will be best.” You replied, taking the cup in your hand as you stood still for a moment before muttering half a good night to him and rushing out the door to escape that obnoxious man.

This is how it’ll always be with Thomas Shelby. A relationship full of ambiguity, no sense of stability, just a blind rat floundering through the bright light of day. You didn’t remember exactly how the night transpired, how many times you wandered around in the dark, circling the room trying to hear any trace of chatter, but other than a few ordinary footsteps in the hallway, nothing had happened. The night ended with a suitcase being trampled out of the cupboard, only to be half filled in fear of taking what wasn’t rightfully yours and stealing.  Gypsy bastard. With those eyes of his. Who does he think he is? Sand seemed to gather in your throat, if only for a moment. She warned me, didn’t she? Be careful, she said, she did. And here I am, with that madman. Well, I’ll show him. Sleep only came with the first note of a robin’s song.

A light prodding at your side woke you up agonisingly, for you’d hardly have been able to open your eyes had it not been for the annoying voice that was becoming more and more distinct, disturbing your solace even in sleep. Pulling the covers over your head, you tried to pretend the voice wasn’t there, instead focusing on the soft sheets beneath you. Who knows, maybe this could be your last day in this heaven. But the calling of your name right in your ear made it hard for you to rest any longer, and with such attempts failing as rolling over and pleading to go away, you found yourself confronted with an admission.

“Finn, please. Don’t you’ve anything better to do than annoy me and rob me of my sleep?”

“But it’s already three.”

“And?”

“Tommy said to warn you that we were going shooting. So if you hear loud noises, don’t be scared.”

“Okay, off you go then. Have fun,” you murmured, letting slip from one ear to another as you sunk into bliss as he closed the door, hearing his footsteps fade away. The content of what he said when you heard the first wake up call. First came the loud stench that spread like a scream over the entire field,  followed by the flapping of wings and the screaming of the few birds that were obviously not used to such calamity near their peaceful home. Perhaps that's when it had hit, when it all made sense.

You had never moved so quickly in your life as you did now, not with that sort of adrenaline. Almost falling out of bed, as you got tangled in the sheets, praying open the curtains only to see three men in which among was your bloke, dressed in the same manner he was. Every rational thought in your mind made up reasons in seeking to comfort you. Finn was Tommy's brother. He wasn’t going to let himself get hurt. Yet a part of you couldn’t stop thinking that maybe this was his way of getting back at you, messing up whatever game he has been playing. But would the man be so cruel as to use his own brother as leverage. No he couldn’t be as cruel as that. Could he?

And so here you sat, on these same bloody steps, with the book that was becoming all too familiar to you and which you hadn’t yet been able to finish reading all day. Today’s escapades created by your husband truly did not help. Whatever page you started on had remained the same throughout this whole time. And whenever you dared to look down, you would hear a shout or a stray gunshot that supposedly sounded different from the others. Resulting your eyes to dart up and stare at the four brothers who, considering everything, probably thought you were a lunatic. Finn and the other two, whom you had to familiarise yourself with from the few portraits and other exaggerated family stories your aunt had instilled in you, would sometimes wave you over or cast a discreet glance in your direction, only to turn back to the mad dog who’d not yet adjusted to your looming presence. You’d like to think that you embarrassed him with your constant death stare, with which you’d have preferred to conjure up a storm to spoil their strange fun. Of course, that couldn’t have been far from the truth. For all you know, that was his intention all along, another form of persecution.

After an even hour, your beloved husband finally dared to look in your direction, and soon he appeared at your side.

“What are you doing?”

“Sitting around, enjoying this rather quiet day.” You bit back, averting your gaze from the boy, instead your eyes faced him with as natural, faceless a look as you could muster. “I know what you’re doing.”

“And what am I doing?” He sat down next to you, causing you to clutch your book and move further away.

“You’re using your brother to get back at me.”

“I’m just teaching him how to shoot.”

Scoffing at his excuse, you focused furthermore on the boy as you saw one of the brother’s racketeer the bullets out of the gun. “You usually work on Saturdays.”

“Plans change.”

Not always for the better.

“Of course they do.” An unpleasant sigh left your lips. Rubbing your eyes, your body seemed as if it was being pulled to the ground due to the sleepless night behind you. The situation and the gunshots did nothing to ease the headache that somehow kept making itself known. “Have you contacted Abigail yet?”

He remained silent, refusing to follow your line of sight and instead letting you feel his eyes crawl all over your side. “Do you want me to contact her?” Then he provoked, at which point you turned to face him. From the side, it almost looked as if another argument had taken place. Only this time portrayed in silence.

Yes, because what you’re doing is the cruellest of cruelties. Your childish behaviour and your inability to communicate drive me crazy. I don’t trust you. I don’t know you. No matter how hard I tried or will try, I’m afraid I’ll never truly know you. For all I know, you could kick me out or leave me on the street. And if you do, I’ll be thankful, for as long as I’m with you, pieces of me are clawed off, in an agonising way, I’ve no way to control. So please. For at least give me enough of a reason to hate you.

I want to give you time, but I’m afraid it won’t do me any virtue. Deep down, I know it. I know that’s who you’re. And no matter how long it takes, no matter what little moments, I delude myself into thinking we’ve had. It is entirely just that.

A sweet delusion,

                                                         a deception,

                                                                                                                 mirage.

We hardly talk, and yet somehow there’s this vast gulf between us. But maybe it’s because I’ve been pretending this whole time.

No, I want to stay with you and prove to all those who doubted me and called me a loon to an end point. I want to prove to myself that I was right about you, that you aren’t just an empty bottle to be thrown into the well, a shell. I want you to care about me the way I care about you. And I wonder if you could.

And even if you don’t, I can live with that. Just let me stay with you. Even if I’m just an extra obstacle or a burden tearing you down. In any way, in any form, let me stay right here.

“Are you gonna make me shoot someone?”

Right now, I want you... I want you to abide by my ways, with my wills. I want you to tell me you want me to stay with you until the edges of my soul are as crimson as yours, until my heart can barely breathe under all the ice in your vicinity. Until every cell in my body burns and screams for more. I want you to tell me you’ll never let me go. I desire you to tell me you need me. And yet you look at me, without sadness and without a hint of what you’ve dragged me into with your malice. If only your eyes held some sign of compassion or remorse, then maybe I could live with the way things are between us. But soon I see the hint of rejection. and that’s enough to tell me the truth. “I’m not going to have this conversation with you again, Thomas.”

I prefer to compare your eyes to the shallowest part of the ocean, to a fire that never wants to blossom from its flame, to a sky as naked as it was from the beginning. Perhaps of my amusement, perhaps of yours. But in truth, they’re nothing but a wild storm. A storm that came with a mahogany hue on the denim jade, as if it already knew that the gales and mists it served would echo for aeons. True melancholic clamour. Look too close or not too far. It would seep into you as well.

You

                                                           were

                                                                                                           condemned.

Even before you got up from the stairs, you felt hopeless. You knew you were finished no matter how today or tomorrow went. You would stay. The gentle voice of sense had lost her title in a one-day battle. And so you rose, head held high, as an imaginative, posturing aspiration to contest the right to what will inevitably come true one way or another.

Perhaps it was because you believed he had saved you. Maybe that was why such strong feelings of infatuation arose so suddenly. Or maybe they had derived earlier. In the sleepless nights, in the roams through the house together, in the few, infrequent evening walks. The glow of distant and barely existent mutual domesticity. Or maybe it was loneliness. The books about satisfying liaisons. Ones that provided you with novelistic renditions of everyday life while you clung to every word, expecting something less casual and a little more proactive. But it never came.

“Look, here’s Tommy’s lovely wife.”

“God help us all.”

Ignoring their previous remarks, trying to control the scowl on your face. You mustered up a smile that was perhaps a little too on-the-nose, for soon your cheeks ached. “Elizabeth Edwards,” you said, extending a hand, “but you probably already knew that, didn’t you?”

“Yes, well, our first form of introduction wasn’t the most civil one, but I must say you look even prettier in person.”

“So you’re the charmer of the family, I take it?”

“Eh, don’t listen to him, nobody here does.” The man you suspected was the eldest of the accursed Gypsy family made you laugh with his remarks.

“So you’re Arthur then.” you responded to the man, holding out your hand, glad to have the ovations behind you.

“Pleasure.”

“We were wondering when you’d join us.” The other brother, who you determined as John from Abigail’s explanation, made you shy away as he gestured to the gun.

“Oh, no, no,” you quickly wrote of the premonition, looking at the youngster, who was now pressing against your side, his eyes filled with curiosity from your morning musings. “I’m just here to watch.”

“Really? But Tommy said you’d join us.”

“Did he?” you smiled, understanding now that he pulled you out in front of an audience, knowing you wouldn’t make as strenuous a scene as you’d in private. “Tommy, dear, can I talk to you alone, please?” you let go of Finn, ruffling his hair in the process, which only annoyed the poor lad as he grumbled in frustration, trying to undo the damage.

As Tommy followed you far away from earshot, you noticed he was carrying his damn toy with him. Before you could even get started, he rummaged the gun into your hand that he’d wanted to give you the day before. “Just shoot the fucking gun.”

“Thomas Shelby, if you make me do this, I’ll file for divorce.”

“Stop acting childish and just shoot.”

“Childish?” You looked over at his brothers, who were barely able to suppress their laughter as their eyes circle the sky, trying not to disrupt the free theatre performance before their very own eyes. “If your brothers weren’t here ... You promised me you’d call Abigail.”

“I changed my mind and I don’t recall promising.”

“Cunt.” you muttered under your breath, but against better judgement, you maintained eye contact with him.

“That’s not very ladylike of you.”

“You know I might as well shoot you, shouldn’t I? Start practising on a live target.”

“At least then you’d be shooting at something,” he remarked, which tried your patience and made you think that maybe you should make true on the previous statements. “Why are you so afraid of guns?”

“I’m not afraid of your guns. I just don’t understand why you’ve to pressure me and I don’t like you giving me an ultimatum and making me think I’ve a choice when I don’t.” You hissed, stunned at your sudden confidence as you managed to shove the damned thing back into his hand. “Why are you even doing this? What gain could you possibly get from this?”

“I enjoy your company,” he stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and you wondered why you suddenly couldn’t think of anything clever to throw back at him.

What you truly wanted to say was—”if you want company, go to a brothel. I hear there are quite a few of them about,” followed by some dramatic exit of some sort you would make up in the moment.

What actually came out was—nothing. There were a million things you could say, shout out to get your point across, yet nothing came. Not a single hushed whisper, not a word. And yet as you stood there, under that maple, as if for the first time, as if not, you felt your glances fall to the ground and then the sky.

His hand in yours, a high note sung by a woodlark, a breeze in your hair, somewhere in the distance, a storm tearing the clouds apart, just the same as that November. Or was it September? The gentle wing that cradles the grass on its way. A lover’s embrace, short-lived but fair. Just that same old disdainful smile you’ve always had.

“Are you two done?” John shouted over your quarrelling, making you feel as if the invisible spotlight was shining right through you. You took a deep breath in, looking at Tommys hand which was dangling the gun in your direction.

“Are you alright?” A hand rested on your wrist, along with a concerned look. He even sounded about ready to knock down the pieces of his game, to end it.

”I’m fine.” A sigh, countless more to come. “Just show me how to shoot.”

“What a disaster.” You said, watching the two cars pull out of the property as you sat down on the steps, resting your face in your hands, too numb to the touch.

“They weren’t so bad.” Tommy tried in vain as he took a seat next to you.

“I’m not talking about your brothers. I’m talking about myself.” You laughed and looked him in the eye as you pulled your knees to your chest and rested your head on them. You actually laughed after the day you had. “How you could remain completely unfazed and not feel second-hand embarrassment is beyond me.”

“You weren’t that bad.”

“Yeah, you’d think so.” you scoffed, looking at that adoring smile he had delicately graced his features. “We were out there for hours, and I only managed to get a few shots and only thanks to your lucky gun.” you finished, holding the tiny little revolver. It was quite funny to imagine that such a small insignificance cost you so much. The reasons why you were even so against the gesture had taken their rest and now were nowhere to be seen. You turned to him, holding the barrel. You held it out to him, motioning for him to take it.

“It’s not luck, it’s just a gun. You can keep it if you want,” he replied, making you shake your head as you placed it in his hand. “Can I smoke?”

Nodding off, smiling at the fact he asked for your permission, you watched him pull out his ways of entertaining himself. “I want you to have it back. It might save me from becoming a widow soon.” You said, looking at the few bruises that still adorned his face. “Do they still hurt?”

“Not anymore.”

“Finn did surprisingly well. I didn’t expect that.” 

“It’s in the Shelby blood,” he replied, brushing his hand on his face, some form of tiredness lacing his features. You liked when he was like this, calm, tired, almost tranquil.

“So...” you tapped your feet, prompting yourself up, wrapping your hands around your legs. “You interpreted that you wanted me to stay with you? What was that about?” You asked, pretending as if the awaiting answer wasn’t breath clutching.

“You’re my wife. It wouldn’t be proper for you to stay somewhere far off.”

“So that’s it? Just another prospect of sorts?”

“You’re a decent company and Finn would miss you terribly.”

With serenity, you looked up to see just how many stars there were tonight. Quite a few too many. Tomorrow it will rain. Swallowing the air with empty lungs, hearing the far too long overdue chirping of crickets in the distance. “What about you?” you wondered, propping your head on your legs. “Would you miss me if I left?”

“I would.” A devil’s trap indeed.

“I suppose I’ll be carrying a gun around now...” you said without elaborating, still shocked at what you’d just suddenly agreed to because of the simple truth. He made all the struggles, all the time you’d spent trying to maintain some sort of stand on the matter, fade, just like everything else. “What about William, did you...?”

“I’m working on it.”

A beam of silence so common and yet so unfamiliar throbbed that you felt obliged to clear the pest that it was out of the way as soon as it slipped into existence. “I haven’t even thanked you for coming to my rescue...”

“You managed fine on your own.”

“Think you’ll recruit me?” you said, grabbing the hat he’d on display only to catch a concerned glance in your direction. “I was joking. I’ve no qualms in joining your boy scouts.” You assured, almost trembling at the idea.

“Be careful with that. There’s a blade that can cut your fashion show short.”

“Even your hat is armed?” you asked, taking it off by the edges to search for the intriguing secret of such a simple thing. “This little thing you mean?” pointing to the hidden blade, to which he nodded. “You really are bored, aren’t you?” he blew out a puff of smoke and shook his head at your inquiry, a gentle smile settling on his face. He seemed to smile more often around you. That’s what your heart whispered to you that night.

“How are you coping?” you asked, putting the cap back on, much to his disarray.

“With what?”

“Killing someone. Has it become such a commonplace that it doesn’t even bother you anymore?”

“Of course, it bothers me.”

“Is that why you use?”

“It was. I’ve stopped for the time being.”

“Stopped killing or using?” you asked, seeing him stare off somewhere into space.

“We all cope in different ways.”

“I guess so,” At least he wasn’t upright, mad, but still in control of the subject.

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, if we ever play Thomas Shelby trivia, I’d like to be able to answer.” 

“Trivia?”

“Dumb questions get dumb answers, dear.”

“You’re mocking me,” he grinned, throwing the cigarette onto the steps and dosing the flame with his boot.

“Guilty,” you caught on pretty quickly with that line of happiness he felt at that moment. Or just imagined he felt it. It was hard to tell.

“You know, I probably would have kissed you.” You meant it as a joke. ”If only you hadn’t smoked that cigarette.” A somewhat dumb joke, supposedly put there to get a positive reaction from the man next to you. Yet somehow, whether by the will of the ocean or the storm, it became something separate. Without warning or superfluous words, he kissed you. Pressing the tip of the peaky hat into his forehead as he did. And somehow you didn’t care about the gnawing cigarette smell all over. It all faded away.

Once he pulled back, wanting whether, of some further permission or regret, he didn’t get to dwell on it too long, for it all seemed to stop too soon, and to that, it didn’t end, as you pushed further, as you held him by the collar of his shirt. He didn’t back away, or indicate he didn’t like it. He just sat there, his hand rubbing smooth circles on your knees. Only to smile against your lips as you finally gave away.

“How was that?” 

“Not bad at all...” you hummed softly, letting your gaze wander over the man before you, who had a gentle expression on his pale features. He seemed anew, somehow different. Time stood still around you and your mind was free of all the worries and horrors that infested your mind. He laid his head in the crook of your neck and you looked into his eyes, those deep, breathtaking blue eyes that seemed to capture your breath away every time. It was as if the rest of reality paled and faded in comparison to them. And it did.

Letting go of him, you raised your hand to his face, marvelling at his features. With a tender smile revering him, you leaned towards him and brushed your lips against his as his hand slithered to the back of your neck as you sat there trying to suppress a foolish grin making its way onto your lips. Feeling him press his lips against yours just for a moment before he kissed your cheek. Sensually travelling to the top of your forehead as his hand strayed to the side of your neck. You closed your eyes and let the overwhelming sensation sweep you away. His lips fell for every corner of your face before he relented and leaned back against your lips, engulfing you as you surrendered to him.

“Someone will see,” you managed out, barely aware of the crickets chirping and the wind rustling. The world around you was so quiet, and the only sounds that filled this barren evening were his and his alone.

“Let them see.” 

You can’t remember how it happened, how a simple touch turned into a maskless masquerade under the stars, how your body ached against his as he surrendered and worshipped every part of you. You laid there still, afraid that the moment would shatter, afraid it was all just a dream. The immense desire scared you to the core as he made his way down, pushing away all the uncertainties, leaving only the aching feeling of euphoria in his wake. Your mind, body, and soul merged and grew into one as you lay helpless in awe, realising that perhaps what the lovesick fool of poets spoke of might not be a lie after all.

You lay in the gentle embrace of the bed; the sheets covering you waist down, your eyes still closed to the world, cradling the pillow pressed to your chest. The narrowness of the sunlight gleamed, barricading through the layered gloomy shades, leaving behind an amber shadow in the room. Somewhere in the distant trees, you could hear the dull melodies of birds that came back to their motherland after the bitter winter, trading the sultry summer weather to Birmingham’s dread and drab floods that regularly swept away the city. You heard the shuffling of the sheets beside you. A smile popped up on your lips as you lazily roused from sleep. Your legs seemed weakish as you drifted them, seeking to roll over to the other side, feeling something holding you down, making it difficult to turn. With a sigh, you finally crept your eyes open, seeing Tommy lying on his pillow, a droopy smile resting on his face.

“Well, well, look who’s here.” You cooed, feeling the control you had over your smile fade. “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long.”

“And you’ve just been staring? Creep.”

“How did you sleep?” he contented, rolling his eyes at your antics.

“Good, no nightmares insight. What about you?”

“Alright, slept through the entire night. At least what was left of it.”

“That’s good,” you grumbled, veering towards him, lifting your head from above the pillow and putting it on his chest. “Any plans for today?”

“A meeting with Solomon.”

“Sounds fun. Gathered a lot about that fellow, somewhat the character. When is the meeting?”

“In two hours, but I’m not so certain if I should go.”

“Why not?” you wandered, peering up at him, the dimples on his cheek becoming noticeable.

“I have the most beautiful woman in my bed right now. I’m not too sure Solomons can measure.”

“Are you trying to make me blush?”

“No, but my intentions are most problematicly impure.”

Your amusement was rinsed aside as you hummed into the notion of him leaving marks on your skin, feeling his grin beam against your neck, reminding you of the slow and torturous charms the devil in front of you had subdued you with near dawn. Before you both heard a raucous tone coming from the door that hastily broke open, causing you to tangle Tommy for the sheets to cover yourself, accidentally kicking him in the progress as you heard Ada marching through the door.

“Tom, are you in here? Your secretary has me on my last nerve–“ she announced, her hair a wreck as she strode into the room, letting out a few rapid breaths, searching around before spotting you both. You saw Tommy pull out a smoke from the sideboard below, seemingly unfazed by the situation when a voice you recognised as Finn came into the room behind Ada.

“What are you still doing in bed? It’s the middle of noon.” the boy asked as you looked at Tommy, who began choking on the smoke he was puffing.

“Yesterday was tiring, and I needed to rest,” you instantly answered, the sudden visitors tapping the wind out of you as you scrambled on what to say next.

“And I was... I needed to help her rest.”

You saw Ada wrinkle her nose and purse her mouth as her eyes narrowed to the two of you, driving you to feel like a child that got in trouble. She swiftly cleared her throat, seeking to compose herself before she turned towards Finn.

“Finn, let’s go get something to eat, alright?” she hastily sputtered, forcing the young, confused child out the door.

“We didn’t know you were coming today.”

“Well, I was—am here, next time put a fucking tie on the door or...” she trailed off, glaring at Tommy, who was waving with amusement, the cigarette still tucked in between his fingers. “You know what? I’m going to have lunch with Finn and when we get back, you better be dressed.” She stated, taking a few steps back before turning and hurriedly halting through the door, slamming it shut.

“That’s one way to start a morning.”

“I’m glad you find this amusing... I can’t believe this is how my first meeting with your sister went.”

“Well, I’m sure you made an impression.” he snorted, stubbing out the smoke as you seized the sleeve of your pillow, hitting the man in question with it, eliciting another chuckle.

“This is all your fault. Do you even know what she must be thinking about right now?”

“Lucky Tommy.”

“Lucky what? Oh, you’re a dead man Shelby, I swear...”

“What?” he smirked, receiving another blow in the face as he lifted the pillow off himself, hugging it to his chest as he turned to face you. “Ada’s seen worse, believe me, I’m sure she didn’t mind and besides, it’s high time she learned how to knock,” he babbled, pushing the pillow to the side as he slowly moved closer towards you. “So... where were we?”

“Getting dressed,” you replied, pulling away and leaving the comfort of your bed trying to try and find yesterday’s clothes.

“Wh—hey where are you going?”

“Work, and you have a meeting.”

“Now that ain’t fair...”

“How about if you manage not to kill Solomon’s at your little meeting, I promise I’ll find a way to keep you entertained...” you replied mischievously, gathering the rest of your clothes, sitting down on the edge and putting them on.

“I’ll try.”

“Good,” you acknowledged, deciding not to stall work any longer, as you stood up and wandered off to the door, watching Tommy plop back down on the bed. “I’ll see you later then.”

Clouds. 

Everything around you was as if you were living amidst dews of the realm beyond. All the passing cars and people, just a hint of mist floating along the imminent path to the clinic. Never did you think it would feel so divine, pure in elation. The days were no longer dull, filled with only a few moments too rare to recount, yet memorable all the same. No longer did the agonising grief that almost brought you to your knees draping about.

Just bliss.

The signifying ring of the bell hanging from the shop’s ark made you feel you’d re-entered the pulsating life around you. No life itself.

Born anew from the ashes of sorrow forged by the devil. No, no, not the devil, your lover’s company. Your husbands. Husband. The word no longer foreign on your lips.

Walking over to the counter, you heard strange, hushed whispers from the backroom that you recognised only too well. It seemed you weren’t the only one experiencing a renewal. 

Knocking on the door, hoping to retain whatever vestige of dignity they might still have, as you coughed happily away. “Morning Reed, Rose as well, I’d imagine.”

“Eli, you’re here early.” Reed stumbled over his words like a blind mouse through a maze. A hint of a smile played around your lips. They deserved to be happy.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“No.”

“Of course not.”

“I see... I can leave and come back later if you want...” 

An agitated Reed came through the door, not even daring to look you in the eye. It was hard to steer clear if it had been the same cold thought doctor you’d met a few months ago or a teenage boy caught shagging a woman in the pantry.

“Oh, look, the doorbell. That must be a customer. Excuse me.” He excused himself, bolting up to the counter as you entered the scene. As you did so, you noted Rose’s heavy breathing as she looked at you, ready for whatever you might throw.

“Really? In the backroom...” A sheepish smile and a thud of the door closing behind you were all that stood still. “Shame on you, Miss Bell.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Elizabeth. Nothing happened.” She straightened her posture and stood tall, trying to boast the lie. “We were just talking.”

“What interesting things you’ve talked about, I wonder.” You snorted, seeing a love bite near her collar, which she quickly hid. “Didn’t know he still had it in him.”

“Might I say you look even worse?” She bit back as you felt her eyes roam over your appearance and calm demeanour. “You’re relatively radiant.” No longer the stiff employee, no longer a foreigner in your own home, no longer a stranger. “Speak.” She’d pushed a chair in your direction, a glint of gleaming curiosity at your newfound peace that was surging deep within. “I need details.”

“Well, after a brief conversation with my husband, we both realised that our marriage wasn’t as dead and cold as we both originally thought.”

“Aha... So you renewed it, then?”

“That we did.”

Life continued forth.

Of course, now, with a few sensible moments stolen by the cover of night or morning alike. The days were filled, as they always were. Work, sleepless nights, whether out of worry or boredom. And just like that, under the night sky that had suddenly become another friend, the wisps of loneliness and doubt steered away, like a ship into the night not to be soon seen by a bare eye. Evenings became your favourite time of day. There was even a certain routine to it. Come back from work, wander about, read Finn a story. And before long, there he stood. At the foot of the stairs, a suitcase in his hand. A quarter past eleven. Right on time. Then followed dinner.

Most of the time, it was just basking in each other’s company while he filled out his books. You either helped or observed the hard-working man before you. Sometimes it was quiet. At first, his mannerisms and such behaviour had frightened you. Shouldn’t he be different after such a long day and an even longer separation? Yet with time passed sitting in that very silence, it had taken a strange effect. Now, whether you faced the silence in nature or at home, you were met with peace and comfort. He was there in person, hiding under some cranny or other. Never truly gone. In the shelter of the wind or the flowering leaves, the ticking of the clock.

It wasn’t always silent. Sometimes he would come home and wouldn’t stop talking. It was nice. Hearing the edge of his voice as he slowly recounted his day. Not all of it, mind you, but just enough to understand.

Most nights were spent in bed. As soon as he finished his work, he’d take your hand and lead you to your bedroom. Yours. His. It didn’t matter. He would undress, letting all burdens and worries of tomorrow drop to the floor with his clothes and climb into bed. Sometimes the night led to carnal indulgences, all met with good faith. But most were lost listening to the heartbeats of your lover as he coaxed himself into sleep.

Yet on those unique nights when Thomas Shelby couldn’t even find peace in your arms, the two of you thought of other ways to entertain. Walks under the evening sky... Baking, in which you almost woke up the entire house with the clatter of plates and pans. Other times, the night tempted you to drive blindly through the country roads. Were it not for the involuntary weapons brought along as a precaution and the advantage of a late hour, the two of you could almost be mistaken for a normal couple.

On one particular night, the two of you somehow got on the roof. It took a lot of effort and poking around, but in the end, you were both sitting there, legs dangling over the edge. Wondering why there was no wind in sight on that cloudy night.

“Ah, I forgot to ask, what happened in your office today? I saw a queue of people outside. It seemed longer than the tower bridge. Is everything alright?”

“You came by? I didn’t see you.”

“Yes, I was waiting for Ada.”

“Nothin’ you need to worry about. Just business.”

“A thriving one, it seems. You haven’t caused any trouble, have you?”

“If you haven’t heard anything, means I haven’t.”

Not all nights were good. 

No matter how long and how far you searched, no matter how much Tommy made it bearable, there were times when the doubt that stifles the soul came into play. Professing as a miser hoarding all the pleasant moments for himself. He left you with a feeling you’d learned to despise. Something was out of place.

A piece was missing from the chessboard that was once your life. Something important that choked your throat and made you seek any distraction, no matter how minimal it may seem. The distraction was the only reason you could keep going, because, without it, you probably would have uncovered what lay underneath, protected and hidden by the veils of the mind. You were torn between two pieces, one that wanted to leave everything as it was, in this paradise of dalliances and suns, clouds and winds of happiness that was finally in tune. 

And another piece. A mistress of sense, we shall call her. That clawed and screamed and wailed to be let out. To find the missing reserve while suffering the price it bore. An attentive sacrifice, she called it. So that all would be well in the end.

You sat on his bed, a book in your hand, trying to focus on the words and understand the story. Tommy, tired with only a hint of that busy day he presumingly had, went to take a bath. He offered you to join him in washing off the troubles and grime away, but you refused, not wanting to move from the comfortable bed you’d made. In truth, you didn’t want to trouble him with such silly thoughts that had no justification, only to course through like a fool.

“Hey.” His entrance made you put the book aside, his mere presence distributing the need for a clear distraction. He tossed aside the towel he was carrying and plopped down on your lap. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just tired.” He answered, as you felt his hands slithering around your waist, holding you as he allowed himself to fall into the comfort of your arms. 

The gesture brought a smile to your lips as you placed the forgotten book on the bedside table and let your arms brush over his back. As you did so, it didn’t escape your notice how tense he was. “And strained, it seems, you’re harder than a rock.”

His face lifted from your lap as he looked up at you with a tingle in his eyes. “Thank you, my dear.” Chuckling, you felt his hands clasp around you as he once again set his head back on your thighs, almost looking like he was about to fall asleep. “What’ve you been doing?”

“Reading. One of the maids lent me a book.” One of his eyes barely opened, looking about as he spotted the book on the stand. You could almost hear the gears turning as he went over the books he’d read in his head, wondering if he’d read yours as well.

“What’s it about?” A moment later he closed his eyes, giving up the endeavour as he felt your fingers pressing on the raised knots.

“Two people who can’t be together.”

“And you like that?”

“I think it’s poetic, and the sex scenes are great, very detailed.” You said with a hint of sarcasm. As you looked at the human cat sprawled on top of you, a great idea came to mind. “Do you want me to scratch your back?” You heard him groan at the thought of moving, but you knew that with a few sweet laced words he’d be persuaded to bend to your will. “Trust me, you’ll feel better.”

A few considerations later, he was in your lap, his shirt lying forgotten on the floor as he mumbled and moaned while your nails made their way through his back. “Shit, that feels fantastic.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“A little to the right.”

You could almost feel the tension drain from his body as he instinctively pressed himself as close to you as possible. His arms snaked around your waist, his thumb rubbing circles on your lower back. A quiet thanks. “Your father is coming next month.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“You don’t seem very excited.” He hummed, dragging one of your hands to the left. You could hear him sigh, the peacefulness on his face urging you to promise both him and you to do this more often. To try and bring the same kind of clarity he had brought you.

“How can I be? I barely remember the man.”

“Thank you.” Suddenly, he sat up, almost as if he was trying to break away. You could see he wanted to listen to what you’d to say, to clear up any misgivings. It was far too difficult to do that while you lulled him to sleep. “I’ve looked into Y/n L/n.”

The recurring name of William’s supposed bride sent shivers down your spine. “Did you find anything?”

“She’s either buried or left town.” 

That wasn’t at all what you were looking for. But then what were you? Her place of residence, her address? To do with what, exactly? Drag her back to her mad husband, who was wandering through the streets looking for her. To warn her and order her to flee further down the coast or up the mountain, wherever she was. Yet with a kind smile, you caught your husband in a feather-light embrace. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For looking into it. I know how busy you are.”

“I’d do anything to give you peace of mind.” He’d moved away by then, his forehead resting against your own, noses gently rubbing against one another. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” But you could see that he knew something was still bothering you.

“You have that look.” Aways so determined. Your Tommy.

“What look?” 

“That one.” His calloused hand, covered in dirt and charcoal only moments ago, was now pressing against your cheek. Beside himself he was, you could see that. ‘You’ve been in enough pain for quite a fine while,’ he’d said so not so long ago, ‘time for a break,’ and yet here you were still, lost in your head, unable to describe the nagging foreboding that clouded your mind.

“I’m worried.”

“About what?”

“What if my memory doesn’t come back? I know Reed said it will, but what if...” you had trailed off the partial truth to the lie. “And even if it comes back, what if you don’t like me anymore? Maybe I was a spoilt brat?”

“Who put those thoughts in your head?”

“No one... did it to myself.”

His fingertips brushed your chin as he lifted it, hoping you will hear him still. “There’s nothing you can do to make me hate you.” He’d promised, which made you scoff at the mere thought. He almost seemed offended at your reaction, but nonetheless, he progressed. “If you can’t get your memories back, we can always make new ones, yeah?”

“I guess so.” Perhaps he was right after all.

“That reminds me, we’re going to a party on Sunday.”

“A party? Oh no, is it upscale?”

“Indeed.” You grimaced at the thought of being with those crazy Danes who valued nothing but the material possessions of men. Those same men considered their whores’ time more important than those of a wife’s. Before you could voice your opposition, you saw him pull out what I could only describe as a blazing star of azure. “I have this for you.”

“Tommy, you didn’t have to...”

“You don’t like it?” He quickly suppressed the need for praise that resounded through all the walls of the house.

“I love it, Tommy, thank you. But having you here is more than enough of a gift for me.” With a lustful kiss that would make even a prostitute blush, a sly smile appeared on your lips. “But it’ll be a good way to make all the other women jealous.” A chuckle, so pure and light, escaped his lips as he laughed at his wife’s antics. Only she could be so bold. “We’ll have to get you a new suit.”

“What’s wrong with my old one?”

“We’re going to an elegant dinner. You should be up to standard when you’ve such a beautifully dressed woman on your arm all evening.” Chirping with a soft, perhaps even a teasing undertone, you set the necklace aside, pulling the covers over him as he leaned into your touch. “Come, Cinderella, time to sleep, tomorrow morning we are getting you a new gown.”

“Smart mouth.”

That same necklace from a few nights ago adored you now as he placed his lips on your neck and whispered sweet, laced words of artistry. His eyes, reflected in the mirror, seraphic and serene. His new suit fit him well, as you’d expected. But despite the glamour and the pleasant day you’d spent earlier in your lover’s arms, a lazy day in bed. Something was out of place. Maybe it was the dress. You almost expected the feel of the silk clinging so beautifully to your body to evoke a sense of familiarity. Something, anything other than the strangeness you felt.

When you expressed such thoughts to your husband, he dismissed them as nervousness, now that you were rejoining society for the first time in almost half a year. But throughout the day and as you prepared to leave for the party, your disdainful behaviour had troubled him. After a few hours of agonising questions and assurances that you were indeed still going, he had even called Reed to make sure such an idea was wise. You had to snatch the phone from his hand, bidding Reed a good night with the missus and explain that you were, without question, going.

Perhaps that’s why his grip had been so tight while you thought in front of the mirror. Your hands, now healed and with no permanent scars except for the lecture you had innocently escaped, were left alone while a quiet conversation took its place.

Are you sure you want to go?

I’ll be alright. You worry too much, dear husband of mine.

Oh, how you regretted your eagerness now. Nothing in the entire world could have protected you or warned you of the mistress coming. Nothing at all.

It was a quiet event, filled with shining and upstanding belles, spilling gossip like the rain that fell on your house last Thursday. And left much damage in its wake. Their fools wandered about, drinking and going about their business, playing the jokers and trying to keep their glances, which too often wandered off to some servant or maid, without discretion.

When you first entered the establishment, you felt so small and downright intimidated by the other women, who joked and laughed in the corners of the room as if shielded from prying eyes. But wherever they moved, the guests always followed, emptying the centre of the room. They were a true symbol of grace and beauty you’d never seen before. Perhaps you were like them. After all, your family was quite distinguished. Yet, as you looked at their pricks and prattles, you saw no similarities. Two sides of the same coin.

Your gaze lifted to your husband, who stood beside you, a drink in his hand. But his eyes didn’t wander like those of the other men. No, no, rather they pledged their allegiances solely to yours. Seeking to find any signs of discomfort. He didn’t want to leave you while he deemed you uncomfortable. Maybe not even at all. Having followed your line of sight. He caught on rather quickly as to what exactly was going through your mind. You saw him shake his head and smile at the ridiculous thought. Suddenly, a man you’d assumed to be in the interest of his evening waved at him with ridicule. When your husband noticed this, he leaned close to your ear. A secret meant only for you. Yours is the only attention worth having.

That’s how it all began. A quiet start to the evening. The rest of the Shelbys were there too, the men mostly drunk, the women too, including you. It was a family tradition. You were part of the family, and so vice versa. Aunt Polly was on her fourth drink of the evening, and soon excused herself and went out for a smoke. Ada, well, she lingered somewhere far away from her brothers. You had no interest in her affairs, for your relationship was still uncertain and shaken by your first meeting. Catching her brother in bed with his wife, naked as the day they were born, was not highly ideal, as one could assume.

The night passed somewhat sluggishly as your eyes danced around, watching the obscure spectacle; people played nobility and spoke as if they were kings of England. At least, twenty of them had told such a fact. The other ten had left the crown and ruled over America. Kings without crowns, all ruling over the same kingdom. It was entertaining to listen to their babble. It would have been even more entertaining if you had drunk just a bit more and introduced the so-called rulers to their peers. But alas, the gin glass was empty, and the bar was too far away. Soon you became restless and decided that maybe it was time to go annoy your husband and take some revenge for bringing you here.

Three women exchanging gossip in the bathroom. You didn’t think anything of it at first, so you sat there, waiting for them to finish and leave so that you could at least have some time for solitary. But the opposite was the case. They started talking about the Shelby family. Your family. Against your irritation and thought of showing them how truly evil can one get, you held back and tried to figure out who was indeed talking such nonsense. But soon… too soon. The conversation took a turn to Thomas Shelby’s new moron bride, as they called you.

“Have you seen her? Prowling about like nothing happened. The shame of that girl.”

“I heard she lost her memory. Said to be caused by Thomas Shelby himself.”

“Oh, that explains a lot.” One sarcastically remarked, “You’re a fool if you believe such lies.”

“Is there no other topic of conversation? Are you really that demented?” The third cried in frustration. “It’s Shelby this, Shelby that. Obsession is a very serious problem, Em. You should be careful.”

A hush went through the room. You’d almost think they’d disappeared, vanished, but soon the water was running again and the conversation continued with no sign of it ending anytime soon.

“Should we tell her?”

“It’s not our business. Leave it.”

Going out and making yourself known was a sensible decision at that point, at least one to consider. But curiosity can also be a curse for one’s self.

“Excuse me for trying to do something decent for once.” She groaned in frustration, as a child would. “If my husband would be murdered and I couldn’t put two and two together, I’d want one of you to tell me.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if this entire scene was a ploy.” The second chirped, “Gipsies are tricksters. Maybe her last marriage didn’t go so well and she jumped. I wouldn’t blame her. Adam wasn’t too keen of a husband, from what I’ve heard.”

“Well, I’ve gathered that even Miss Polly was involved. Can you imagine that even she... What a scandal.”

“Who told you that?”

The doors opened with a creak, interrupting all chatter and pausing your thoughts that tried to crawl out of this uncertainty. You trusted him. A repetition ensued. You trust him.

Liars.

All of them.

“Don’t you’ve anything better to do?” The stern voice of the aforementioned Polly Grey rang out. She appeared as if she’d been summoned, bashing all three girls as they quickly made their way. The door slammed as they left, leaving the echoing walls dead silent. You’d almost assumed she followed suit, but the clink of her heels and the lighting of a match assured you she was still there.

“You can come out now, Eli.” She called out to you like a mother would, which only made your thoughts worse. Why did she sound so nervous?

With trembling hands, you pushed open the doors and saw her leaning against one of the sinks, one hand rubbing her temples, clarifying that she’d heard them too. Her expression, unreadable to most, yet her eyes rang true. Perhaps it could be said that they were truer than ever.

A plea, silent as the sound of sliding sand beneath your feet. Upon that crumbling hill you stood, wistful as a bride’s veil, before the recounter of old, sent by the Lady herself. A Minerva in disguise.

Lies can be a fickle thing, a net most web despite the rightful or innocent. A crumbling peak that crushes anyone who deem too close. Such unnecessary evils, bound to collapse against the tide. The confession came so easily from her lips. Such a weightless thing, a lie, while it remains hidden, that is. But when it gets out, given flight, it will lay waste to the recipient. Crushing their feeble soul, leading even the primmest paladins out of one’s mind.

There were many things that could’ve been said or done. Actions taken, words spoked that were bound to be lulled into wakefulness. But instead you merely gathered up the remnants of your dignity that you hadn’t yet discerned and left. The closing of the door behind you signified no objections from Polly as she let you go. Without a word, without action, with nothing, without help or meaning.

A drawn conclusion.

You woke up that night drenched in sweat; the minutiae of the dream stirred clear as glass. The window ploughed open as the blinds fluttered against the hollowing breeze. You threw your legs across the bed, noticing your once fleeting heartbeat slow, as you went over to the window, noticing the wet carpet against your bare feet, another victim of the storm, as you moved the uncalm curtains to the side, closing shut the window. The full moon illuminated sorrowfully as the few silvery clouds lazily drifted across the sky. With a shaky sigh, you fled back to bed, laying down, hauling up the soft sheets to shroud yourself from the still to settle terror, craving nothing more than to go back to sleep. Yet your mind had not ceased wondering, provoking you as you tossed and turned in bed, one side too soft, the other too hard.

Finally, letting yourself cave into the clogging irritation, you decided to pick up something to drink to ease the mist hanging over your mind. You rose, stepping through the door as you headed toward the stairs; the corridor now stood unlit, silent despite the few wooden steps which seemed to creak with each step as you made your way to the kitchen. You wandered over to the counter and reached above the cupboards to pull out a wine glass and a matching set of a drink. Unscrewing the cap, you tipped the dainty bottle to one side and poured yourself a sip before screwing it back down and deciding to take the bottle with you, walking away and taking a seat on the armchair opposing the window. You put the halfway filled bottle on the ground as you raised your legs on the chair.

“Perhaps I don't know you as much as I thought I did.” Saying those words out loud engraved their meaning all the further. Abigail had known. Of course she had. You could see now that her cloud of arrogance was only a fear for someone she loved. And even so, throughout your journey here, she had warned you countless times. And so did he. In his own ways, he had tried to warn you frequently. Yet you reviewed those remarks as a sign of some unusual modesty.

You raised the cool glass against your forehead, letting out a sleepy sigh as you began to realise that, for the first time in weeks, you were yet again at a loss. The creeping awareness of demanding to regain something left behind was knocking around just as it was weeks ago. You lifted the glass to your lips, taking a sip as the bleak drizzle pounded against the glass, just as you’d imagined it would have that night.

“Liar.” Spatting at no one but the storm. “Deceiver.” Leaning your head against the chair’s back, you couldn’t help but laugh at how truly bizarre and almost amusing this all scheme had been webbed. A man well deserving of the title.

Devil indeed.

“And I, the fool.” Swirling the maroon rancour, before taking the last sip. You needed something much stronger. As you got up from the chair, you heard a few cars pulling in right outside. He’s back. Even through the sound of the rain, you could hear him storming to the house.

In the earlier days you might have cowered, afraid of what he will say, of his disapproval, his resentful look, but now. It did not matter. Nothing mattered. It might have been the alcohol, it might have been your very own storm raging with its winds. You did not hide, nor did you run to the front door to greet him for forgiveness he did not deserve. You simply went to the cupboard and searched for something stronger.

The door opened with a dull thud. The noise made it seem as if it had almost come off its hinges. Then the sounds of nearly a hundred footsteps littered in. Yelling heresy and accusations long-lived passed.

“Tommy, stay here. We’ll call you when we find her.” John’s voice echoed in your ears as you stood leaning against the counter, waiting for the bunch to pass. “She couldn’t have gotten far.”

“It must’ve been William.”

Of course, there were guessings of murder and kidnapping. Even allegations you were in great danger. It was gratifying to listen to it all. But soon the voices quieted as they were finally met with you standing safely, not a trace of anything hurtful. As if preparing for the final act, the conclusion, you raised your glass towards your husband, mocking him. A silent welcome home.

Everyone soon made themselves scarce, strangely enough without question or resentful means. Half a night wasted, searching for the stolen jewel, and they were off. Tommy wished everyone a good night and escorted them to the door, thanking them for their help, even if there was no reason for it. At least in your mind.

Soon you heard him approaching you from behind. You'd have no idea what he looked like nor how he must’ve felt.

“Why didn’t you let me know you were leaving? I had the whole fucking family looking for you.”

You could almost see him, frantic. Out of breath, running and swimming through the crowd of strangers looking for you. You caught yourself smiling as you thought of him, and even more at the desperate expression as he chased after you, weaving through the crowded streets like a child trying to keep up with his mother’s swift steps. You could almost hear the pleading whisper of his voice as he called your name. He shouted, calling over and over again for you until no one would listen to him. And then he stops seeing Polly distraught and stunned. She yelps everything to him, or maybe she does not and all the wolves run off into the night.

It seemed oddly new and yet surprisingly familiar as you let out a shivered breath, wishing for nothing more than to stay like this forever. Time stood still around you, your mind free of all the worries and terrors that had beset you. A standstill. The ticking clock somewhere nearby, the little trails of rain landing on the window seal. Only a gipsy's wrath to face.

Finally, you trailed back, opening the cupboard’s door and discovering the whiskey hiding at the back.

“How did you get home?” He tried again, now with a much gentler tone.

“I walked.”

“You walked home alone? Why would you do that?” He asked, misery dropping from every word he spoke. Not the anger you’d imagined he would have, not the monogenistic happiness he would feel to see you in pain, just misery laden with worry. “What if something happened?”

“Nothing did.”

“Oh no well, bloody brilliant then, ain’t it?” You heard him chuckle as you started pouring the whiskey into your glass. “Look at me.” he said, stern with conviction. You pictured him standing there, his fists curled in fury, his face plastered with the disgust he felt after searching for you for so long. “I said, look at me.” This time it almost sounded demanding, no, pleading.

He was pleading.

Finishing pouring into your glass, you turned to him at last. He wasn’t at all what you’d envisioned him to be. Soaked to the bone, he stood there with a harrowing expression on his face. It was hard not to feel sorry for the man. He looked completely beside himself. He looked nothing like his normal self, no; it was almost as if a soul was walling without a body.

“Here I am Tom. How was your evening? Secured that deal, did you?”

“Do not mock me.” He took a step forward, slowly but surely regaining his menace as he accusatory pointed. “Why did you leave? Did someone say something to you?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“I wanted to go back—” home “—and didn’t want to disturb you.” You had quieted, the glass now too tempting to resist if you were to go through his manner of interrogation.

”I told you to tell me if you wanted to go, I would’ve taken you home myself.”

“Right, I shall do so in the future.” You uttered, allowing him to play the fool a little while longer. With your glass and bottle in hand, you walked up to him, leaning in to kiss him as he stood there silent and disdainful. You were met with a pull from your husband. “Good night Tommy, sweet dreams.”

Sitting on your bed, you deemed it for the game as you heard nothing for the last fifteen minutes. He was deceiving you even now. But suddenly, your doors flew open with the same force as when he entered the house, yet now you could see he was livid. You half expected to find a gun attached to his side. Before he could say anything, in search of a desperate knit of control, you stood up and echoed the truth loud enough to hear through the entirety.

“I know why you married me.”

He looked taken aback, as if the surge had snatched away the air from his lungs. “What are you talking about?”

“What am I talking about?” You spat in a derisive tone. How dare he? “I can’t even look at you.” Waving him off, you couldn’t stand still, standing on one leg, then on another. “Please tell me it’s not true. Please tell me you didn’t kill Adam.”

Lie to me, Tommy.

“I don’t–”

Please.

“Don’t you fucking lie to me. Did you kill my husband?”

I beg you.

“It was an accident.”

“An accident? Just like you hitting me over? Was that really an accident too?” you swallowed a lump stuck in the back of your throat, the question posing as a shiver. “Did you try to kill me, too?”

Betrayal. Utter treason, the only solemn feature blossoming on his face. No love, no desperation. You could understand what he wanted to say without him even saying it. Or perhaps pretended to.

How could you say that?

”I did kill Adam. It was an accident.” He seemingly tried to keep it short, almost carelessly, as if he had detached himself from the situation completely. “He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, that’s all.”

“That’s all?” you inquired, the question sounding more like a sob than anything else. A cry for help. For shelter. For protection of the fantasy you had once lived. You saw him reach out his hand, to calm you, soothe you, just as you did him, but your pride and sense prodded your arm out of his hand. “Don’t touch me… Don’t you fucking touch me.” A hiccup, a small indication to a losing battle. “I can’t believe you… were you ever going to tell me?” As he wavered, a silent plea almost had escaped. Lie.

“Tell the truth.”

“No.” Without pause, without waver.

“So what, you thought you’d just fuck around with a deadman’s wife?”

“I didn’t… your father, he proposed a deal, and I took it.” he came closer, his hands held up in defence. “Things would’ve been ten times worse if I didn’t. I almost had a war on my head.”

“Is that why you… did you sleep with me for the benefit of not waging war? Was that all I am to you?”

“What?” He let his hands fall to his sides, watching the noose tie. “No.” He snorted, looking aback. “Stop putting words in my mouth.” Believe me.

Please.

“I can’t believe I actually let you…”

I can’t.

“Eli.”

Why?

“I told you not to fucking touch me.” Soon the context of the drink was spilt, his shirt stained and the glass, driven by rage, thrown to the floor, breaking into a number of shards too great to count. “Get out.”

You did not lie.

Dun grading into blue, and blue into dream. Clouds inscribed remotely into a misty azure, seen only for a few moments that ring through the day before being loomed in the darkness and thundered by the belated sedan with a sole thought in your head. He took your soul without recognition, enslaving it in his hold, claiming it as his. Shadow nearing, the kindness gone to bed. The spaces that have grown between us, between the boom of summertime. He stands there howling with his brother into the evening sun. 

Coward. 

Hope here needs a humble hand, as how you found lone loss, with fear of what you’ll find in the future. The tragedy of him, how he lies and tricks into a fool’s happiness, only for it all to fall apart.

Of course, it’s also fascinating in its own right. Something you long for but are afraid to grasp. It’s the feeling that drives us all towards the edge of the cliff, with caution and alarm, and yet sometimes we just can’t help but look down.

Oh, eyes unbroken like wildflowers, with his demons of change. Waving at you from below as a terrible thought crosses your mind. Why couldn’t he just lie? You could almost hear her calling you a sinner for wondering why.

Soon all the men got into their cars and left the courtyard as you heard someone open the door behind you.

“Mr Shelby asked me to tell you that he’s going out of town. He’ll be back in a few days.”

“Thank you, Mary.” With a forced look to acknowledge the poor women who somehow ended up as your husband’s currier, your eyes landed on the same familiar spot as you watched them leave.

Run away from the mistress of sense, for she’ll bring you something you need but do not want.

Since Thomas had gone, God knows where, you’d plenty of time to think about the situation that involuntarily presented itself to you. Anger and grief had overtaken you again and again in the few days he was away. Yet you’ve not yet felt forgiveness or acceptance. And perhaps you never would. To accept, to move on from such a crime, forgiving the murder of your husband, no matter what your relationship was, was no excuse. You’ll not give that Shelby bastard another excuse to sneak behind.

Your thoughts often returned to the accident. Would you believe he didn’t mean to kill you? Maybe. After all, he was taking care of you. But there’s always the possibility that it was a ploy as well. Would you even want a life with him? Strained as it was.

And Abigail. She knew. Of course, she knew. What a snake she was, administering her venom in a small dose, not enough to hurt or be noticed.

After that day. Wine had become your best friend for the next while. Finn was staying at Polly’s so as not to interfere with the domestic at his home. Poor boy. He didn’t deserve it. The look on his face when he learned of the events prior. You would never forget that gleam, that distortion in his face. To call it just hatred wouldn’t do him justice.

Guided by grief or by the influence of alcohol, you ended up in the back of your wardrobe staring at the clothes you wore that night. Perhaps looking for some kind of reasurement or enlightenment, as to what the old Elizabeth Edwards would have done.

Running your hands through your coat, the most treasured last spectacle of who you once were, felt odd. The fabric seemed mediocre and cheap. Nothing like the other clothes at your disposal. Surely nothing a woman of such extravagance would wear.

Would father really have let you out with it to the first meeting with your husband, to the first introduction? What you understood of your father’s personality was that overall, he valued perfection and was very hectic with his cargo. So how could he allow his business transaction to be less than perfect?

You hauled the coat out of the cabinet, the boots too. A memory came to your mind when Tommy had suggested you throw away the reminders of that night, thinking them unnecessary and discouraging. You began to think that it was right not to.

Suddenly, your attention was caught by the label. Well, more the fact that there wasn’t one. These weren’t high-society clothes, but casual ones. Nothing extraordinary about the stitching or the material, it was just ordinary. That raised even more questions that you could answer. Something didn’t make sense. The pockets were empty, just for a few receipts, but nothing important.

But did it really have to make sense in the end? Maybe you’d had a terrible fight or some other circumstance got in the way. Clothes were just clothes, after all, maybe they’d become so during the hit. You felt insane sitting here with the clothes in your lap, grasping at straws. Tom was right. It was time to get rid of them, to burn them and throw them away. And with that thought in mind, you stood up, ready to do so. You gathered up everything you’d left from that time and went into the hallway looking for Mary.

When you returned, however, you felt no better than before. Watching them burn and dissolve into dust was supposed to be an experience, a heavy burden that fell from your shoulders, and yet with each flicker of the flame, no feelings came to the surface. They were just material being burnt, that was all.

What you didn’t expect was to find a necklace lying on your floor. You approached it cautiously, as if it were a snake in the ground that could snap at any moment. A ring. It was a ring. Sitting beside it you took it in your hands. The metal, feeling cold as ice on your skin. A former lover? A secret affair of the heart? Many theories came to mind with no sensible flouring. Sliding the ring on your ring finger, you noticed it was too big for it. Not a lover then. You tried it on your index finger and there it held, perfectly in place. You enjoyed the feeling of it for a little more before taking it off.

Moving it around you searched for any clues that might tell you whom it was from. You spotted some kind of engraving on the inside that prompted you to quickly jump up from the ground and bring it towards the light, to finally unravel the mystery of the abandoned ring. And there it read, in very small, minimalistic, miniature writing.

Y/n L/n and William Carver.

That you were able to retrace your steps on that terrible night made more suspicion arise than you would have liked. But here you stood, in front of that scorched down door, a few knocks in, waiting for judgement. Soon the door was unlocked and an elderly woman was standing behind it, her features laced with contentment as if from a good joke that soon turned grim as she set her eyes on you.

“You.” she seethed, her nose scrunched, eyes raging. “What do you want?”

“I would like to speak to William…”

“Self-giving whores are not welcome in my house.” She moves to shut the door, but much too quickly, you manage to put your leg in the crack of the door, restricting her from doing so.

“Please ma’am, I only came here to apologise.”

“Who is it?” A voice that you recognise all too well now rang from up the stairs. It sounded rushed, without any need to dwell further.

“It’s Y/n.” The woman shouted back, her nails tapping against the wooden door, waiting for him to decide if he wanted to let you in or not.

“Let her in.”

And here you sat on your third cup of tea with your harasser, well, ex-harasser, hell not even a harasser at all. Your fiance. With a show of countless proof, agreeing allegations from neighbours and that ring, it was made well clear. The most troublesome part of it all was to prove your story was true. Not an easy task for a stranger to believe such nonsense. Good thing he was no stranger.

“You must think I’m a terrible fool, don’t you William?” You put aside your now empty cup, the tea mixed with lemon, fresh on your tongue as you tried to understand what could be going through his head. “Please, don’t just sit there. Say something.” The grasps for attention now turned to pleading as your eyes found their way to the ground. You sounded ridiculous. Why did you wish for him to believe you so badly?

 “You think I’m seething mad, don’t you?”

“No.” With a gentle undertone, at least one that he could muster, he reached over to you, placing his hand on top of yours. “No, I believe you love.” Hearing his affirmations was a pleasant break from the silence he had given you as you spoke your truth. “Can I hold you?”

You shook your head at his attempt as you slid your hand away from his hold. As happy as you were to have him believe you, to have his touch embrace you, it felt foreign. Wrong. Sinful even. It shouldn’t have. There was no reason for it, but why was your stomach curling at even the thought of it? You shivered at the thought of another. A sweet man, who you could see loved you with all he had, as little as that was and yet…

“Right… sorry, we’ll take it slow.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s alright, you’re back, that’s all that matters.” He cleared out his throat as he saw his mother, the woman who had to let you in, much to her annoyance, stalking about the corner of the kitchen. He crossed his arms at her poor attempt and motioned her to leave. “How are your memories?”

“They don’t just suddenly reappear, it’s a long process.”

The sadness in his eyes was clear. It was not the answer he had expected, but soon his downright lip curved into a soft smile as he chuckled. “Ah well, who needs them anyway? We’ll make new ones.”

“Thanks for believing me Will, I know I must sound completely demented.”

“What?” He frowned almost mockingly. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Yes, you do.”

You couldn’t help but let a small smile make its way onwards at his poor attempt at a joke. You were almost out of the rain before he suddenly asked. “What do you want to do now?”

“I need to tell Tommy the truth…” It was as simple as that wasn’t. Bring him proof, tell him everything. About your accidental deception, lies. How the girl who supposedly skipped town to get away from her fiance was the notorious Elizabeth Edwards. And the girl he was supposed to have married is god knows where.

“If that’s what you want, we can go talk to him tomorrow. The both of us.” He gestured towards you, his hand making a small move towards yours. You could see it was hard having to comfort you from a distance, but he still tried. “You can stay here for the night. We have a lot more to talk about.”

Every story must grow old, and every kingdom must have its end. It was time to finish this one. No matter how it might end, you needed to tell him the truth. As soon as possible. It was the right thing to do. Perhaps he’d understand. You made a bed where you do not belong. “No.” 

“No?”

“I have to go back…” You laced your fingers together and looked into his eyes, with promises of loyalty and return. “I’ll tell him the truth of what happened.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“No. I doubt he’ll listen with you there.”

“You expect me to let you go to him alone? What if he goes mad and,” he whispered the last words to himself, “hurts you? I haven’t even fully got you back and to lose you again… I can’t.” His hand rubbed against his forehead as he exhaled. “Please. Don’t make me.”

“Tommy–Mr Shelby would never do that… he’ll understand one way or another. I’ll maybe even nab something on my way out. It’s about time we moved somewhere, just the two of us.”

“Talking to him is one thing, but stealing is another matter entirely. It’s just reckless danger.” The cups quivered as he stumbled against the table. “Promise me that you won’t steal from him.”

“Okay.”

“Good.” He said, watching you as you stood up ready to go home, to carry out your plan and face him.

You walked into the corridor and started to put on your shoes as he watched you silently leaning on the doorway of the kitchen, just the same as he did that night. It felt silly to just leave as if it were a trade meeting. “Just give me a few days. Tommy is out of town for business. He should be back in a few days. I’ll come back by then.” And so you added. “And then we’ll start on making those new memories.” You promised, happy to regain a piece of sanity once lost.

As if a body without a soul.

You sat on a few sets of stairs outside, that were facing the outlook of the fields. Poppy’s bellflowers, fennels and violets swayed under the starry night sky. The sky is a no-man's-land; they used to say.

A single step down, three bottles of wine stood, one remained filled to the brim, while the other were empty. It was a long day and an even longer night awaited. You were tired. A small bag waited for you at the house, already filled with essentials and a few other nonnecessities that could definitely raise a good price if sold to the right people. Now all that remained was to wait. To wait until Thomas Shelby came home, so you could tell him the truth. And then you’d be free. 

A laugh. A short-lived one, but still a laugh.

Then another.

And another. 

Until it all turns to sobs yet again.

You didn’t understand why you were crying. It was good you finally remembered who you used to be, the person behind the mask carried on your shoulders. Your family. Your proper family forgave you, welcomed you back with open arms, to be cherished once again.

And yet why did it feel like your heart was tearing itself in half? 

And those unnecessary tears rolling down your cheeks… 

Going home should’ve felt like a blessing, a miracle. To get away from this house, from these people, for life to go back to normal. Yet here you were weeping, making no point to move, realising there was no point to do so. The weight of his laughter, alive in the hall, rang in your mind as you sat there, wrapped up in dissonance, lost in the significance of him.

You didn’t want to go home, to leave, to cower back into your old life, never seeing Finn or Reed, or him. 

The reason this all started, the reason your life got ruined. One simple person epiphany of so much pain and heartache. You gave yourself to a stranger, a person you felt safest, no, happiest with as you gave him everything you had, comfort, trust, devotion… a part of you, you could never be able to take back, your heart, your soul all wagered on one man.

The best part, it was not you he liked, wasn’t you he slept with, it was Elizabeth fucking Edwards, a girl who loved to ride, a girl who loved to play poker and drink the days away, who spoke like poets do a kind and carrying person.

It wasn’t you.

That moment, the shear moment, that was when your heart broke in two. The man you… 

Loved a stranger you could never become. 

A short cough pulled you from your thoughts as a figure came up behind you, making you forcefully wipe off the tears streaming down your cheeks. 

“Nice night.”

”Arthur… you scared me.” you said, wiping your cheeks and snivelling your nose.

“Meant nothing by it. Just saw you sitting out here alone, thought I’d keep you company.”

A breathless chuckle left you as he sat down beside you. ”Tommy sent you here, didn’t he?”

”Yes, he did. Didn’t know why he thought you’d listen to me… I would’ve sent Finn.” he mumbled, reaching in his pocket and pulling out a pack of smokes. “Want one?”

You looked at the pack, debating with yourself if you truly had fallen so far. A response came out before you could comprehend it. “Yes.”

He raised his brow, clearly not expecting such an answer from a lady. But with the raise of his shoulder, he pulled out a cigarette and handed it to you as you leaned closer, waiting for him to light it. As he did, you inhaled as you’d imagine you should, only for the smoke to dry out your throat, perching it, which resulted in you almost coughing your guts out. An exaggeration. But it sure felt like it.

”How can you smoke this?” you asked, clearing out your throat.

“You get used to it.”

Silence, as you both sat there pretending that there wasn’t anything to talk about. Just two old friends, acquaintances, sitting out on the bay. The wind kissed you, somehow even being this late in the evening, it was still warm against your skin. You almost forgot where you were. 

“Mind telling me what you are doing out here?”

”Couldn’t sleep, so I came up for fresh air.” You said, forcing yourself to take another pull, as you pointed towards the bottle. “Want a drink?”

”You have a whole pub here, don’t you?”

Shaking your head at his teasing tone, you turned to him and asked. “Jealous?” 

”Very much.” His eyes wandered from the bottles up to yours as he looked you over. He knew what had happened. He was there that night after all and yet he still asked, ”So you want to tell me what’s bothering you?” And you were glad he did. 

”It’s complicated… Just sit with me for a minute, yeah? I don’t feel like being alone.”

”Only if you share the bottle.”

”All yours.” You scoffed at his inquiry, but you still reached down to it and handed him the bottle, just happy to have a noninvasive company. “I’m thinking of going to London for a while… I think a change of scenery will help me with everything.”

“If you think it will help, go for it.” He took a swig, his nose crinkled at the sweetness of the drink, as he was not used to it, it seemed. ”When do you think you’ll be back?”

”When I feel like it, why?” You pulled your knees to your chest and hugged them while setting your head on top of them as you teasingly asked. ”You’ll miss me, won’t you, Arthur?”

”Shove it.”

“You so will.” You thought of what your last words to the poor fellow would be. Would you tell him that it was all a lie? That everything you said about yourself was false? Perhaps. But that wouldn’t make a difference at this point.

”He loves you. Doubt he’ll let you go.”

”If he does, he’ll understand. If not, I’ll blackmail you to help me escape. I am your favourite sister-in-law. Your only sister-in-law.”

”Sure”

Scoffing, you put your hand to your heart, pretending to be offended. ”That one hurt.”

He led you inside after a while, a hand hooked around your waist, making sure you don’t tumble to the ground as you giggled and laughed through all of his shushing attempts.

“Thanks for the smoke. I feel a little better now.” You pulled away, leaning on the rail of the stairs.

”You think you can make it up the stairs?”

Looking up at the many steps, you didn’t let your newfound confidence waver. “Course I can…” He nodded, crossing his hands waiting for you to start climbing, but you just stood there looking at the man in front of you, feeling a sudden ache from the awaiting goodbye. “Um, Arthur,” he hummed, edging you to continue, “It may be the alcohol talking or the smoke, but I just wanted to thank you… for everything.”

You extended your hands, enwrapping him in a hug, leaving the poor fellow standing frozen before he mumbled, “It’s definitely the bottle talking.” giggling into his shoulder. You noticed he wasn’t hugging you back, and you pulled away, not wanting to make this harder on yourself later on.

“Sorry…”

“It’s alright, just… go sleep it off.”

”Goodnight Arthur.” you uttered, leaning on the wall as you started to walk up the stairs, not looking back as he responded.

”Night.”

You walk down the hall; the light shining oh so enticingly on the floor of his office. It was time. Time to reveal the undeniable. Time to open the door. Your fingertips graced the distant surface of the door handle as you inhaled and knocked on the door with a soft sigh. Standing this close, you heard his footsteps outside the door. As you entered, he stood in the middle of the room, the curve of his eyes giving away the cherished feeling that his plan to send his brother had worked.

“Hey.” he said, his hands laced behind his back. You acknowledged the greeting with a nod.

Tell him, a thought so loud and daunting crept into its drowning lead. Tell him and he will understand.

Tommy stood frozen, trying to figure out what you were so absorbed in when he offered to sit down. You shook your head at that suggestion. You opened your mouth, only for no words to come out. Arthur said he loves you. Tell him.

“You look pale.” He voiced his concern.

“I’m fine.” You cut off whatever suggestion was forming on his lips. “I just came here to tell you something.”

“I’m listening.”

Tell him.

“Tom,” you had started, your hands sweating as you brought them together, almost as if to confess a crime. “There are a lot of things I want to say, I just don’t know how... And it’s funny, because I’ve reworked this conversation in my head at least ten times. And I still can’t... I don’t know how to...” and then you’re silenced, your feet nailed to the floor as you stand there lost, caught between what to say and what you really mean. But soon you are granted galling peace as it escapes you. “I’ve decided to go to London for a while.”

A palpable, all too obvious, relief spreads through him. You could see he was prepared for the worst, as his sagging shoulders straightened. “Okay, when?”

”Tomorrow, after my parents leave, I’ll catch a train and be off.”

Coward.

”When will you be back?”

”Whenever I like, I already started packing, so that’s that.”

”I can’t just send you off to London alone for god knows how long.” He tried to reason out, of course, he did.

”That’s why I’m not asking you. I’m telling you.” You wanted to sound more confident, to push the fabrication of the story to its reclined, but alike with everything else concerning him, you struggled. “Now, I should really get some rest,” with your foot already taking a step backwards, you added, “you should too.” 

”I wanted to tell you I swear.”

How could you care about something you couldn’t care less about? 

Something in you sparked as you turned around. Walk away. 

You have done enough.

Ready to face him yet again, and feed him more lies at the expense of others.

“And yet you didn’t. You hid it from me.”

”I was trying to protect you.”

”Don’t you say that Tom.” You bit back, the sorrow of your heart tipping at its edge. “You didn’t want to protect me, you just didn’t want to own up to what you’ve done. You couldn’t trust me enough not to leave you.” Before trailing off, you paused, looking at the defeated man before you. His appearance matched yours in a way, clothes shrivelled from the day, the tiredness so apparent on his body, the bleakness infesting his eyes, hair in a tousle. Like talking to a mirror.

”You wouldn’t have stayed either way.”

”Guess we’ll never know now, will we?”

”No, I suppose not.”

He put his hands in the pocket of his pants. You saw him swallowing down whatever else he wanted to orchestrate before he asked. ”What will you do in London?”

”I don’t know yet…” You shrugged it off as if it was an inconvenience being asked that question. Truth was it was anything but. “I’ll figure everything out as it goes.” 

”Well, then.” He cleared out his throat at your disarray before shrugging off, “Good night then, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night.”

You turned around, getting one last glimpse of him standing there alone. He was struggling for something to say. You could see it. Because you were doing it too. But whatever pride or honour, or even faith, faith that it would all go as it was supposed to go had kept your mouth shut. Leaning against the now closed doors of his office, you released two shaky sobs, one so quiet even you could barely hear. One for leaving, and the other for letting you go.

It was about midnight when you heard a small but distinct knock at your door. You were one step closer to sleep, which didn't come easily, as you rolled over to ignore the repetitive sound irritating you so. You'd almost assumed it to be Finn. He'd always loved to irritate you to the core. But as you yanked the door, not caring about your appearance or your current state, you saw Tom standing in front of the door.

"Don't go to London..."

He'd interrupted you before you could formulate a full train of thought. You watched his eyes travel along your appearance to your very toes as you sighed at the audacity of the man.

“I need some space from you, Tom... I need a clear head to get my priorities in order.”

He entered the room, the light from the corridor falling on your bed as he adjusted the covers and sat down with no apparent intentions or desires, save one. Your hand held onto the edge of the door, which remained wide open, making you rub your eyes from the illumination.

Desperate and agitated, you walked closer, taking a stand right in front of him. You wanted him out, and so you needed to find some strength to web more believable lies that could make him disappear. “It won’t be that long, I promise.”

“You’re lying.” He finally opted, once again, back on his feet. He began to walk in your direction, making you nervous while you tried to stay calm and cold minded. But in your theatrics, you’d forgotten one critical thing. A mask. A mask that would shield your emotions from his wicked eye. To be awakened so suddenly and put into an interrogation without preparation was a crack in your disguise. Sure, it was dark, the light fell on your back and gave you some security, but the tremor in your posture, the slight quiver in your voice, had given you away.

"I'm not lying."

The back of his hand brushed against your cheek as your gaze fell to the floor. Time, you needed more time. To think of what to say, how to behave, react, think. "Eli, look at me."

"I can't." You winced at how childish the words had sounded.

"Look at me."

The door slowly closed behind you, leaving you and him in complete darkness. It should have been a comfort, a good wall for you to lean against while you told him the truth. But once you are this deep, the only way is to keep going down.

“You’ll be fine. It won’t be that long, I promise.” You whispered to him, repeating the same thing over and over again. Like a priest, you chanted the words into the air. He will be alright. He’ll find someone else, someone else who isn’t you. And he’ll smile again, laugh with her again. He’ll stand in the hall, feeling good and proud and tall, having found a meaning to a long forgotten secret. He’ll live again.

“I need you here.” He admitted, standing so close, that you could feel his breath on your skin and yet still he still felt so far.

”You don’t.”

”Yes, I do.” 

He let you go as you pulled away, his eyes clear even in the dark, piercing you with every word leaving your lips. ”Why do you have to make this so hard, Tommy?”

Such an easy slip that pulls you deeper into this abyss.

“What?”

”Leaving.”

”Then don’t” His voice as the sweetest wine, as the gentlest rain saunters off into the room. “Stay by me.”

“I can’t.” And yet you still refused, fighting against the ocean as much as your strength would allow. 

“What can I do to make you stay?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing you can do Tommy.” However blinded, now you see that you could not hold them, all those cliches tipping at your tongue. “You bring me pain and revolutionary heartbreak. You take my breath away, without giving any in return.”

You were already numb from your experiences and thoughts, so it was no surprise to you when he took you by the hand. But the moment his skin touched yours, all of your senses seemed to turn against you. Your heartbeat was racing; your skin felt as though it was on fire. You wanted nothing more than to trouble his mind with the childish design of how everything should be, to tell him that you lie in his charms, though it harms the best of you.

Those three words, said in earnest. His eyes bored into yours, as he spoke, holding your hands oh so tightly, almost as if they’d be ripped away at any moment. He held them for strength, for courage, for comfort. Maybe you never did wake from that fateful day on the road. Maybe everything is just an elaborate delusion brought on by nothing more than your own fear.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Not at all.

He looked at you with such confidence, like it was always going to end up this way. There was no question. No hesitation. None of the fear that usually accompanied a confession.

He repeated the words, his lips moving just slightly. A whisper so soft that if you blinked, you might have missed it. He kept saying them not to you but to himself, and it somehow made those three words all the more real.

They had weight then, not just some romantic nonsense, not just something people say when they’re drunk or in a relationship or even just because they feel they should. No, now it meant something much deeper; much greater.

And you knew what your answer would be, because it was true. In that moment, in the moonlight, there was no doubt. Your love for this man made your heart swell within your chest and it became almost impossible to breathe. And in that stole breath, you understood what it meant to love another human being.

“I love you too,” you told him in reply, and you realised it’s true. “I love you, Tommy, even though I know I shouldn’t.”

A deep sense of peace and contentment washed over you, and it almost hurt because it was such a relief. It was exactly like the feeling you had when you realised you were in love with your fiance, but multiplied by a thousand.

A smile grew on the man’s lips and his hands slid around your waist, drawing you towards him. He put his face closer to yours. The feel of your bare skin pressed up against his reminds you of your last time with him. He was holding you then, too. 

“Then why do you keep denying yourself?” he asked. “Why are you trying to hide away from me? From us? You know you belong here with me, and I will never leave you.”

You try to speak again, to give him an answer, but all that comes out of your mouth is a ragged, broken weep. Your heart is beating so loudly, you think he must surely hear it, but he holds you tighter still.

“You’re mine,” he whispered in your ear. “And I won’t let anyone else take you away from me. Never, do you understand me?”

You nod against his chest, knowing that you will never, ever leave him.

“Promise, swear, make a vow... anything.” You desperately cried out, clinging to him, like the sun to the moon.

“I promise,” he said again, more firmly this time. And you believed him; You loved him. And with his last breath, he knew it, too.

You kissed him deeply, letting your hands reach up to cradle his face. His stubble rubbed against your palms, rough and warm at once, before sliding under your fingers to pull him closer. His lips were soft yet firm, still lingering from that first kiss. It was hard to keep yourself steady, especially since the ground seemed to be moving beneath your feet. He was gentle but eager too, his arms wrapping around you tightly. The heat of his body pressed into you with every breath he took and the taste of him filled your senses, making them tingle and burn. This was what love felt like. This was how it was supposed to be.

"This is right," you told him. "I know it's right."

He smiled wider, nodding eagerly.

You heard a low moan escape from his throat, one which only seemed to drive you further. The two of you kissed like that for what seemed forever, yet no time passed by quickly. This was eternity, and in that moment, you felt it all around you.

Everything else disappeared, the world leaving nothing behind but you and him here in this place. Time itself stopped, and yet it still moved forward. There was no beginning or end to this moment, no need to hurry; it would last forever. He put his hands on your face gently, caressing your cheeks. His fingers seemed to melt into your skin as he traced the lines of your lips with gentle kisses.

Your fingertips traced the contours of his cheekbone, tracing every little line there, until you could find yourself reaching up to touch the side of his head with your palm.

“Make love to me.” It was barely audible at first, and only for an instant. And yet, as he said it aloud, bluest eyes against your skin, you saw it: the spark of hope, the promise of passion, the desire that flooded into him like rain after a desert drought. 

It's too late, you think to yourself, to stop now. Too late to make up your mind. Too late to say no.

His hands moved further upwards, his fingertips lightly tracing the soft folds of your nightgown as he leaned closer to kiss the hollow of your throat. You were tempted to say something, but there was nothing that would compare.. Your hands were clasped around him; he felt so warm, so comforting, and you knew that this would be where you lost yourself forever. 

The touch of his fingers on your shoulder was so delicate, so precise, so beautiful. You couldn’t breathe. You’ve never been so sure of anything, never thought that you could have felt this way before. It’s like waking from a dream; the feeling that you are finally real, that this is really happening. 

The sight of his fingers moving in between the thin material was enough to make your heart jump out of your chest and dance in the air.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he nuzzled against your breast. His fingers moved over the smooth fabric and then under it, his palms pressing against your chest. The nightgown fell open, and you gasped for air, suddenly aware of his warm breath in your ear, his lips moving against the sensitive skin.

He traced the contours of your chest with his fingers and then back down towards your waist, cupping your hip. It wasn’t the first time you had gotten such praise. You knew that he thought this about you. But there was something more, a sense of longing, a sense of yearning.

“You’re beautiful too.”

His hands now remained on your waist as you stood there completely naked, dangling to undo the buttons of his shirt. A thought of ripping the buttons out crossed your mind as you fiddled with them for what seemed way too long. The smell of freshly washed sweat mixed with that of his cologne and his persistence on your neck was no help at all. 

As you continued to work the buttons of his shirt, the silkiness of its fabric brushing against your bare skin, he’d caught your hand when you were halfway done. He began slowly but deliberately, savouring every moment of this intimate moment in which he was the one who had initiated and taken control; yet it was not because he wanted to dominate or humiliate you... quite the contrary. Your husband’s eyes were now fixed upon yours with a look that could only be described as innocent lustfulness... an expression so rare these days, especially among men, but which somehow always seemed most natural when found on the face of a loving spouse. 

As each button slipped off its hook, you felt the fabric peel apart, allowing you access to his bare chest. It was then that your fingers touched the smooth skin of his chest, feeling for the first time the hard muscle beneath it, and you knew instantly that there would never be a man anywhere else in this world who could ever compare to the beauty of your beloved husband’s body. It was not long before his pants end up on the floor next to the other discarded clothes. 

The bed downs from the weight, as the two of you fall upon it. His mouth is yours as you wrap around him, bringing him further in. Your hand in his hair as he trails down to your breast, leaving marks that will indefinitely bruise. And you sigh, feeling content just to have him. He had trailed down further, ready to taste you, to satisfy. But you had brought him back, shaking your head against him and whispering a soft murmur. “Later.”

You felt his bulge rubbing against you as you both lay still for a moment, full of greed and desperate for ecstasy. With a single kiss placed so gently as he held over you, you felt him push inside you. His forehead against yours, hands wrapped around one another, in dire need of comfort, he began to move. 

Agonising thrusts that slowly drove you insane. This was him trying. Opting to be gentle and slow, rather than act like a dog in a rut. You could feel his heartbeat, rapid, alike your own, ready to burst out at any given moment. The devil himself was nervous, and yet he persisted. It wasn’t much of a surprise when your vision became blurry, causing the pace to slow and eventually stop. 

”Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?” he asked, one hand reaching and cupping your cheek. You smiled in return, a fool-like smile, happy with this level of care as he remained still with avail to move. “Tell me, where does it hurt?” His hand had fallen to your chest and unknowingly to him he was already placed on the spot that most hurt in that moment.

“I’m fine Tommy, truly.” Your hand came up to find the few fugitive tears. “I just got a bit emotional… that’s all. Keep going.” You saw the gears in his head turning, as he was still confused by your sudden emotional burst, yet with a feverish kiss, and a buck of your hips, cautiously he continued.

And before long he set a feverish pace, urgent and unsteady, a grinding dance, producing mutual cries of satisfaction. His breathing was erratic and ragged as he lost himself in the elation of you. You did your best to keep up with his thrusts, trying to move your body in time with his, but to no avail. No noise escaped your lips when the waves finally overtake, sweeping you up and pulling you along into oblivion, through the fog of lust. 

You brought your hand up to the side of his neck, afraid that if you didn’t hold him close, somehow, he would disappear.

“Please don’t go away,” 

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

You buried yourself in his shoulder with the attempt to stop yourself from revealing yourself to the entire house. But even that couldn’t be result in complete discretion, as a few moans slipped from your lips only to be gathered by him as he leaned down and kissed you deeply, passionately, roughly, before he collapsed on top of you, as you both tried to gather your breath, only with a slip of consciousness remaining. 

Tommy took a deep breath, needing to collect himself from the overwhelming pleasure as your naked bodies lay entwined, caressing, pressing against one another in utter bliss.  He turned to you, his fingertips laced with yours as he brought them to his lips and lay ghostly kisses on each of your knuckles.”How was that?” 

A smile embedded on your face as you smile and simply shrug. “Could’ve been better.”

“You are mean.”

“You wouldn’t love me if I wasn't mean.”

“Yes, I do…” a lovesick grin, with a twinkle in his eyes, makes him a stranger to a man called Thomas Shelby. “You could be nicer. I am your husband, after all.”

“I do not see a ring on my finger, Mister Shelby.”

“We better fix that, then.” He sits up, letting go of your hand. Having no sheet covering him, he appears to you naked and a need to compliment him hangs on the tip of your tongue. He reaches for the drawer near your bed as you run your hands against his back.

As he turns back to you, you are surprised to find a ring resting in his hand. His ring. You had seen him wear it countless times before. He must have left it here before, during your previous escapades. He takes your left hand with clear intent on his face.

“It’s not going to fit” 

“I beg to differ.” He protested, already sliding it on. 

And miraculously, it fits. It may not be the perfect match. There’s a bit of space remaining, but it holds. “That does not make any sense.” You looked at this ring and wished that you felt happy about it, and you did.

“Am I forgiven?“

“Of course not. You still have a lot more sucking up to do, dear husband of mine.” You cooed at him. “My husband.”

“My wife.” He leans into your hand, a soft smile on his face. So bright it could leave even the brightest wheat fields grey in comparison. “Miss Elizabeth Y/n Shelby. Has a good ring to it.”

“Wasn’t that the whole reason we married?“ 

He holds you as tight as the stars do at night. He whispers promises undaunting, “In the Bleak Midwinter.” of new beginnings and new ends, and you laugh like you’ll be here. 

Always. 

You scorned the wailful winter, the way he shamelessly scorched everything he deemed undeserving of his sorrow, taking whatever he wanted without regard for the vagaries of others. Mercilessly, he stripped the allure of the summer’s thrill, leaving things cracked and cold, a gloom which is to remain. How he howled and clawed at the walls, tearing down the doors of choice, allowing not a glint of hope behind. Along the chaos and streams of life, he got to you as well, seducing you with his wonders, casting his charms, leaving you in misery as you laid still in his bed, your mind scorching you for not leaving sooner, mind so full, yet devoid of thoughts, wrapped in dissonance, the sheer presence of him torturing your tainted soul.

The state of your disarray, lost between disgust and utter numbness. After all that’s happened, here you were, still laying in his bed, in his arms. Wanting nothing more than to give up the moral endeavour as you try to fight against the comfort which came against your will. The worst of it was the vile venom that crept up your throat as you spat blasphemy on every soul around. Abigail, the woman who tricked you pulling you right into her mysterious games, William for letting you go out alone at night after promising to protect you from all wrongdoing, and the unconvicted Thomas Shelby for twisting your mind. Yet no matter how many times you’ve tried blaming someone else, it would always bite back, leaving you as the faulter. Any person in their right mind would have told the truth, owning up to their actions, yet here you laid too scared to leave and too scared to stay, continuing the charade. You deliberately took advantage of the man, and he unwittingly let you.

Your sights would often wander from the cursed metal adorning your finger to your—her husband. A lost sense of justice lured you with its whispers to take it off and leave it to its rightful owner. But gnawing selfishness kept you from doing so, for you remembered all that he’d said. But it wasn’t you to whom he promised such wonders. It wasn’t you he made love with; it was her. Yet now here you lay ready to meet your end as an impostor, a traitor and a cheat. Betraying the man you truly wished to love, in bed with the devil, wanting nothing more to stay for evermore.

You feel yourself clinging to him with all your might, hoping to stay in this mirage just a little longer, feeling as if you were mourning someone who's not even died yet. Wondered how long it'll take him to forget, how long it'll be before he has another such jane in his bed.

You’ve never felt so ill as when you watched the first signs of dusk rising from the horizon, the sky dissolving into golden hues, heralding the dreaded retreat. Praying yourself out of the comfortable bed, feeling empty and drained, you stood up, careful not to wake him, and searched for the discarded clothes.

You can’t remember how long you’ve sat there fully dressed, twisting the loose ring around your finger. Stuck between choices of taking it out of spite and keeping it as a twisted trophy for the time you tricked the silver devil, or putting it back and leaving the last memory of him behind.

Sighing, you stood up from the bed, your gaze fixated on the door, as you gathered the rest of your thoughts on how to get out of this cursed house. Afraid to look back, to cave in, stuck between wanting to erase him from every tread of your life or cherish every moment spent.

At last, you weren’t strong enough to turn around, praying that the sleepless night beforehand would suffice. Walking away as a self proclaimed victor, for few people managed to outwit the wicked devil of Small Health.

[thescreamingraven]

Two Of A Kind

Tommy x reader

Summary:  You’ve been living a moderately peaceful life in the shadows of Small Health. When one night you were suddenly entangled in a dreadful accident with none other than the Saint of Birmingham, who plunged you into his life, hidden in a veil of mistaken identity, Elizabeth Edwards. A story about a doomed affair which shrouded in lies, reticence and yearning.

Warning: A bit on the fantasy side, not as realistic as I’d hoped it be, but the plot spins around a badly written amnesia. A couple of swears there or here, but it’s pretty clean for now.

Word count: 20k

Author’s note: I separated the story into parts, this is just the first one.

One, two.

A torrent of rain gazed down on the city as you were sitting on a few sets of wooden stairs, your head resting in the palm of your hand. A few steps away sat a dull old shawl decorated with dust and other filth. As you let your gaze drift over the four corners of the room, you could barely make out anything in the flickering light that often threatened to fall under, trying to find any unnoticed webs you couldn’t see before. Noticing something in the corner of your eye, you glanced towards the soiled window, following the tracks of the unexpected rain that had just started to leave marks on the tainted glass. A worry set root inside your mind as you heard the first warning strikes of thunder somewhere in the distance, accompanied by a bright display of lighting nearby.

Deciding to stop your search for the day, you reached for the cloth, picking it up in your hand as you got up and headed towards the modest larder door, pulling on the handle with all your might until it finally sprang open, making you accidentally stumble backwards. Once you regained your stand, you threw the towel inside, gently closing the squeaking door carefully so as not to make too much noise. Tired and worried, you made your way back to the dark, cold wooden steps, sitting down on the very first one and leaning your head against the rails as you stared at the eye razing tampered door. Struggling to keep yourself awake, you felt the effect of the flood and the few sleepless nights catching up to you as you stared at every crave seeking to spot any traces of a formerly dignified and royal looking door.

It was strange to be alone in such a quiet house. The only sounds of the rain pattering brutally against the window outside and the ticking clock in the other room. Your head leaned against the rail as you felt as if you were about to fall asleep when you finally heard the long awaited sound of the front door being unlocked and a figure coming in, his hood shrouding his head, coat wet from front to back and the sound of his boots echoing through the empty hallway, both of his hands full as he carried two seemingly heavy bags. You saw him put the bags down as he turned back around, locking the door behind him and hanging the key on the metal handle nearby as he turned around, lifting his hands to take off his soaked coat. “Hey,” he lilted out, raising his left hand to undo his zipper. “You ain’t asleep yet?”

“You know I can’t sleep when you’re not here,” you retorted, walking towards him, seizing one of the bags from the floor, turning around and striding towards the kitchen.

“Yes, I know. I’m sorry I worried you.”

You wandered down the narrow hallway before turning left and making your way to the counter, where you lifted the heavy pack, letting go of the handles only when you saw it laid still with no risk of falling over. The kitchen was cramped and barely had enough room for two people, for the dining table, which the mistress of the house had insisted on, took up most of the fine space. Hearing him enter the room, you picked up the bag, pushing it further away from the entrance to make some room for him while you lazily began to take the new products out of the bag.

“Did you do anything fun today?” You overheard him rumble as you watched him take a seat on one of the dreadfully scraped down chairs.

“Killed the rat that was sneaking around.”

“Did you? Sly little fucker.”

“Scared your mother shitless. You should’ve seen her face,” You quipped as you cleared the bag and placed all the products on the counter turning to him, you saw his discomfort manifest in his eyes as you leaned on the counter behind you and clasped your hands in front of your chest. “How was work?”

You saw him sigh shakily as he reached into the back of his slacks, taking out an almost empty packet of smokes and lighting one up. You felt your nose wrinkle as the obnoxious smell hit your nose, yet you saw the bastard smile. “The smell ain’t that bad... is it?”

“Yes, it is. I told you I don’t want you smoking in the house. If not for my sake, then for Anna’s. You’re not only ruining your lungs, you’re ruining hers as well.”

“I know,” he snorted, exhaling a puff of smoke as he rubbed his hand over his wrinkled forehead, while you noticed his tired expression and the dark circles under his eyes, which seemed to be getting darker every day now. You moved to the other side of the table and pulled one of the chairs next to his. He looked up at you, his eyes seeming full of exhaustion and regret as he reached out to douse his cigarette.

“Work was shit.” He sighed, taking in the dreadful sight, the fire from the smoke slowly sinking down to ash as he leaned back in the chair. “They consider themselves so high and mighty, treat us like cattle.”

“I’m sorry you have to go through that, but I’m sure it will get better with—”

“They cutting my wage Y/n.”

An oppressive silence spread through the room as you watched him place his hands to his forehead and massage it, seeking to lessen the ache of the exhausting shifts.

“What?” You hissed, curling your mouth into a shallow smile before it sank back as you felt your foot start to anxiously tap the floor below.

“They can’t. That’s twice in one month... That ain’t fair.”

“Nothing is fair.” Noticing your discomfort, he reached out and placed his hand on yours. He began to run the back of it, trying to soothe your fears. He looked into your eyes and gave you a somewhat reassuring smile as you noticed the tremors seemed to subside.

“Did they at least tell you why?”

“Cause of those Shelby’s. Think they own the place, can’t have a drink without seeing one of them fuckers.”

“Your mother is not going to be happy about this.”

“I know... But we’ll manage somehow.”

“Right...” you hesitated, trying to push the vulgar thoughts away, before saying what needed to be said. “There’s always plan B.”

“No, I ain’t letting you do that.”

“I’d be careful and I am sure I can make some money doing it.”

“You ain’t doing that, darling. I’ll figure something out.”

“How did I get so lucky?”

“I’ve seen the company you keep. The competition ain’t so fierce.”

“Oh, shut up,” you chuckled, leaning forward to press your lips against his before pulling back when you felt him rummaging in his pockets.

“Everything okay?”

“I forgot to buy more smokes at the store.”

“I’ll run and get some for you.”

“You sure? It’s getting pretty late...”

”I’m a big girl, can tie my own boots and everything. I’ll be fine. You won’t even notice that I’m gone,” you tenderly assured him before getting up, heading to take your shoes off the dryer. “And I mean it. No more smoking inside. I can barely breathe with all the smoke.”

“Whatever you say, darling,” he smirked, sauntering out of the kitchen behind you and settling against the wall, observing you as you picked up your boots off the dryer before dropping down to zip them up.

“What are you looking at me like that for?” you teased, struggling to keep your split zip fastened.

“Can’t a man admire the woman he loves?” You rolled your eyes, finally managing the zipper to stay sealed, before glancing up to see him holding up the hem of your coat as you walked towards him, sliding one of your hands into the sleeve.

“I’m going to marry you someday.”

“I dread the day.”

“You’re really mean at times.”

“Course I am. You wouldn’t love me if I wasn’t mean,” you responded, walking towards the front door, taking the key from one of the hangers and guiding it to the lock.

“Don’t take too long.”

“I won’t.” You promised, unlocking the door and taking a step through. As the door closed behind you, you drew out the hood of your coat over your head as you descended the few stairs, inadvertently taking with you some debris that had fallen from the wall as it landed a few steps below, making a grinding sound that echoed through the silent and still floors.

You pushed open the door, stepping outside and seeing the rain pelting down, the gloomy mist lazily rising from the ground up, small waterfalls dashing down the street before fleeing into the gutters. Peering around and making your way down the few steps, you saw a few other lost souls who’d the grit to walk around so late at night during such a terrible storm. You took to the pavement and followed the few streetlights which seemed to guide your path. You felt your hands begin to freeze as you quickly shoved them into your pockets. The circling air seemed so heavy and yet vigorous and still. It rushed and swirled, sending leaves drifting about, leaving the trees that had just managed to get them back bare again. Feeling the chill sink deep into your boots you fastened your pace, the bright streetlight making the rain seem silver and dim, while the storm threw itself into the light like a moth drawn to flame.

Turning right, you spotted that many Christmas decorations had been taken down. Even the fir tree that previously stood towering in the heart of it all was no longer lit. Merely a few ornaments remained, colliding against one another from time to time and emitting a small bell like harmony, yet echoing it more like a wail of sorrow and dread rather than wonder or an ethereal chant. There was no longer a chorus of youths playing late out in the street or singing near the church, which meant that the small protest that many people had taken part in trying to scare the devil away had died down. People went back to locking their doors at night, not letting their kids run around after dark, and the holiday cheer seemed to be dying under.

You turned to walk through the street when suddenly you heard yelling from the nearby pub, from which a couple of men emerged, leaning against one another as one of them face planted onto the ground. A momentary smile tiptoed onto your face at their antics as you realised they couldn’t hold their drinks. The other two men straggled off, leaving behind their fallen companion on the cool ground.

Walking across from the fellow who was lying on the bitter cement, you could’ve sworn you heard him snoring. Curious to see what the guy would do next, you occasionally peeked at the wheezing beauty to determine if he’d moved. But before you could even make a few more steps, there was a quick sound that sounded like screeching tyres. You felt the nerve wracking anticipation of what was to come and instinctively felt your mouth open wanting to yell something, anything, but the words seemed to be cut out somewhere in the back of your throat as two luminous shining lights were only moments away.

Suddenly, you felt as if your body was being lifted into the air; the cold, harsh breeze rushed through your ears and for a flash, it seemed as if time had frozen as if it had simply been a dream, yet the vivid illusion didn’t last long as you felt the back of your head being pressed to the distant ground. Unable to breathe, you struggled for air. A metallic taste in your mouth quickly clouded your senses as you tried once again to call out for help, yet nothing came out. Trying to remain calm, you noticed your breathing becoming sharply erratic, and you felt your whole body aching. With pain and a suddenly appearing ringing in your ear, you noticed a blurred shadow that hurriedly approached you, their figure concealed as they stood against the light as you listened to it frantically talk. Trying to make sense of their rambling, you felt your world slowly growing dimmer before going completely dark.

You felt yourself tossing and turning, struggling to escape the seemingly never ending darkness. The lights and sounds that engulfed your dream kept a tight grip on your consciousness. Your skull felt like it was splitting itself apart as you banged against the bars of your prison.

When you finally managed to free yourself from your minds palace, the first feeling that came over you was that your throat felt dry as sand, your eyes clung together, not wanting to open, yet with some determination, you managed to tear them apart, noticing the surrounding room was dimly lit by a modest lamp shining at your side. Looking around, you spotted a few cupboards and shelves half filled with items you could barely see. To get a better look you tried sitting up, only to have your hands go limb, landing you back into the pillow, provoking the once dulled pain in your body to flare up again.

Seeking to figure out where the strain was coming from, you lifted your arm from under the sheets, seeing a startling number of bruising that had formed on your flesh. You felt your hand begin to tremble as your mind sought to fathom what could’ve caused them. As you laid there helplessly, the horror from which you’d just woke ran through your mind as you wandered from one question to another, not knowing what to do next. Your attention quickly turned to the lingering door as you heard high footsteps just outside.

You felt your breath catch, and your heart begin to race as the door slowly and warily creaked open, letting in some needed light. In walked a woman who appeared to be carrying a book and a small cup. She bore a weary expression, small but noticeable wrinkles trailing under her eyes as she let out a shaky sigh, stepping inside, her gaze fixed, unfocused, glued to the ground, her head quickly prompting when she heard a quick shuffle of sheets. Narrowing your eyes, you followed the visitor as she came to a sudden halt. Her face, formerly crowded with concern, now began to brighten.

“You’re awake.” She said, her voice quivering, almost seeming not to trust the meaning of her words as her body seemed to ease and the relief she’d longed for flooded over her. Her shoulders, which looked tense, slumped as she reached out to flip the switch resting on her left, illuminating the room.

The quick brightness caused your eyes to sting as you quickly closed them, struggling to adjust to the sudden change. Watching you close your eyes against the unpleasant sensation, she whirled back and flipped the switch down before turning and closing the door behind her, allowing solely the dimly lit lamp at your side. She moved over to the nightstand and placed her book on it, marbled in matte brown leather with a title that was indiscernible in the dim and set her half full glass of water on top of the novel, her frail, wrinkled fingers tracing a delicate line on the stand as she took a seat at your bedside mustering a light smile that was slowly taken over by worry as she watched you pull away from the stranger.

“It’s all right, my dear. You don’t need to be afraid. I may look worse for wear, but there’s no need to rub it in,” she uttered, her tone softening as she joked. Feeling a little uncomfortable with the woman being so close as you had no clue what to say or ask, you let your gaze float once more around the growing familiarity of the room. “You’re in the Shelby residence,” she mustered to you as she sat close enough for you to detect the spice of cinnamon that accentuated her gentle manner.

“Why am I here?”

“A car accident, that moron husband of yours, well, it doesn’t matter now. I’ve already given him a piece of my mind, and oh Eli, you do not know how scared I was when I received the news...” her mouth quivered as if wanting to say more, yet she quickly regained her composure. “But the most important thing is that you got away unscathed.”

“Accident?” you muttered, seeking to swallow the newfound information, straining to remember anything other than the lights and the coldness of the ground. Feeling your head begin to pulse, you raised your hand and rested your wrists on your forehead to feel the warmth radiating from your skin.

“It could’ve been a lot worse,” she pointed out, reaching over to the sideboard and taking out a small plastic bottle, turning it on its side and taking out a couple of small tablets, which she handed to you.

“Here, for the pain.” She mustered her hands up as they trembled as she held them out to you. You eyed them sceptically, reaching for them and rolling them in your palm as she handed you the cup of water she’d brought. “No need to be stubborn. They’re just pills.” You read a hint of consternation in her tone as you let in, accepting the glass from her hands and bumping your head up, gulping the tablets, the lukewarm water driving the drought in your throat to disappear.

“Good, it should kick in any moment now. I’ll be back in a minute. I have to inform the doctor you’ve woken up.” You merely responded with a nod, letting yourself sink back down onto the pillow as you watched her get up and saunter to the door, hastily disappearing through it, leaving you alone in the low lit dark.

After a few minutes, you heard a soft tapping pattering against the window outside, which was hidden by vivid denim curtains. The melody of a lazily gathering storm and the faint light left behind traces of drowsiness as you struggled to keep your eyes open, yet the gnawing, corrosive, restless thoughts gave you a considerable advantage, seizing you hostage, the medication the women from earlier had given you set out to take effect. Suddenly, you felt yourself flinch as the door was pushed open, and a towering figure rushed into the room. He turned on the light and peered down at the notes he carried in his hands. Closing the door behind him, he eventually lifted his focus from the paper as your eyes fought the sharp brightness.

“Ah, Miss Edwards, it’s good to see you awake. I am Doctor Herman Reed. I have been monitoring your recovery,” he informed you hurriedly, skipping over his words as he sauntered over to the nightstand, grabbing the lone chair behind it and setting it beside your bed. “How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts.”

“Well, that was to be expected. You did hit it pretty hard,” the man retorted, reaching for a small pair of scissors from his left pocket as he motioned for you to come closer. “Let us see what we have here.”

“Your work, I presume?” you speculated, moving towards the edge of the bed and settling down on it as he began to deliberately cut away the delicately wrapped bandages. As you leaned in closer, a sharp, bitter smell made its way to you, making you crave to pull away from the man.

“Indeed. You’re one lucky woman, Miss Edwards. This could’ve ended way worse than it did. Now all you need to worry about is merely a few bruises and swelling. I’ve prescribed you some aspirin for the pain, but I can not stress enough that you should not overdo it,” he asserted, cutting off the last of the fabric as the remains dropped onto the bed. He picked up the loose bandages, settling them in a spiral on the nightstand, before getting out his pen and writing something on the slips of paper.

“Can I ask you something?”

“But of course, that’s what I am here for.”

For a moment, the room held a silence filled solely with the soft sounds scribbling and the tearing drizzle outside as you tried to make sense of the question that was on your mind. “I am having some problems with my memory.”

“Memory, you say?” he echoed the phrase to himself, flipping through his notes before glancing up at you. “Mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“No.”

“Well, let us start with the basics. What’s your name?”

“I’m not that far fetched…”

”Good, then you can answer this simple question.”

Only then did you realise that the whole time you’d been awake you’d never thought about it, and so now you began to think about a name, your first name. It was a simple request. It should have been easy. The rational part of you understood you knew it, yet you couldn’t remember it. A name, just one word... You felt your breath catch as an overwhelming feeling set to root, fear, panic, shame, a numbing sensation that slowly engulfed you, causing your breathing to quicken as you looked scarcely at the doctor.

“Now, now, no need to panic. What about your last name?”

“I think it’s Edwards? You mentioned it before.”

“That I did. Can you tell me what you do, remember?”

“I... I remember it was raining, and I was walking down a street when these bright lights appeared and—that’s all.”

“Well, you recall some memories of the event. The lights you saw must’ve been from when you were hit.” You saw him pick up his pen and slowly press the tip to the sheet before swiftly raising it again, as if judging whether to note something down. “If my analysis is correct, you show to have some sort of memory loss, fascinating.”

“What?”

“Please calm down. There’s no need to overreact. It’s quite recoverable, just a matter of time, and time is a tricky thing.”

“How much time?”

“Tough to tell... it could be a day, a week, or a year.” You followed the doctor as he flipped through his notes, dragging his pen for a few disorganised writings on the paper as he stopped, holding his pen against the cover.

“A whole year?”

“Well, yes, such matters aren’t so easily treated. You’re fine psychically, but your subjective state is another matter altogether.”

“So that’s it? Can’t you prescribe me something?”

“Sadly, no.” he groaned, peering up from his notes, reflecting some concealed compassion. “If I could, I would. What I can do is encourage you to get plenty of rest and take it easy. I’ll notify everyone else about your condition. Do not hesitate to inform them about any discomfort you might experience.” he added, raising from his chair and straightening the top of his coat.

“Isn’t there anything else you can do?”

“I’m afraid not. Just try to take it easy, all right? And get plenty of rest... good day.” he consoled, making his way towards the door, stepping out and leaving you alone, as you laid down sensing yourself as if suffocating, drowning in the surf, feeling a few set tears roll down your cheek, clutching the pillow shams and letting out a torn sob your mouth quivering as you felt your eyes burn up from the tears.

The door once more cracked open, the person only then softly knocking on the door as in came the old women from before, as you quickly wiped off your runny nose.

“Oh, my sweet girl...” she sighed softly, walking over to you and hugging you tightly without giving you a chance to say anything in return. Her warm embrace rekindled the sealed emotions as she stroked your back soothingly with her hands. “There’s no need to cry,” she said soothingly as you felt yourself relax under her touch, a suppressed sob escaping. “You’ll remember soon enough... that degenerate husband of yours, well, he’ll get what’s coming to him. I promise you,” she kept on rambling as you looked over her shoulder, seeing a grim silhouette looming over the dark hallway, yet it soon perished, walking off as you felt the women push you away. “I’m Abigail, my dear, your aunt. I’m sure we’ll become great friends in the future.”

“You think so?”

“Yes, and don’t you worry about your memory. You’ll remember everything in no time. I know you will. I’ll make sure of it. Now sleep. They do say morning is much smarter than night.”

The first few weeks flew by surprisingly casually as you continued to stay in your room, not knowing what to do next, for the almost empty house seemed strange and foreign. The maids were kind enough to bring you your food, while the few bruises slowly faded and some strength returned to your body. 

And so you began to wander around the house, trying to get used to your new home. Throughout your lurking, you met a peculiar resident, a boy who appeared to be barely eleven years old. Finn Shelby was one curious lad who you understood took after his older brother in his tenacity. It felt strange to be bossed around by a mere child, but you couldn’t help but find his childlike innocence refreshing, specially after being thrown back into the real world which your aunt tried so fiercely to shield you from, sadly her attempts were unsuccessful, the staff have ears everywhere and they do love to talk, over the right set of drinks. As for your aunt, who you learned was called Abigail, well, she was one frightful woman and over time the two made quite a barbarous pair, towing you out of your tower by no means peacefully, making sure you got enough fresh air and did other activities to make you feel better and not lose your sanity.

After such an eventful week, your mind began to piece some past events together. While Abigail had helped you with most of them, your mind began to paint pictures from your childhood: the wilting gardens outside your father’s homestead, the moonlight valley, and the small, ever red pond just outside, usually populated by beautiful snow white swans that would soon disappear. It was like an incomplete mosaic to which you added more and more pieces every day, waiting, wanting to see the final piece. 

But with this sickness came another problem. You could neither read nor write and were haunted by the fact. You felt so humiliated that you started locking yourself away only for the door to be busted down by the young boy, who insisted on teaching you to read. Although he could hardly read himself, it was a warm gesture as the two of you began to learn, reading all books alive and although the reading out loud sounded horrible and quite moronic, you continued on, making it fun for the both of you as you acted out the characters, from Little Red Riding Hood to Alice in Wonderland which soon became Finn’s favourite, even leading him learning to recite it every night, causing you to know the book by heart.

Nevertheless, your two companions couldn’t always be by your side, for they often went away to attend to their own lives. Those moments felt the most abnormal, as the quiet house became too much for you, driving you to find yourself in the company of the maids who would prowl around the household. The conversations they’d had were almost too fascinating as they shared gossip from the side of Thomas Shelby. Unfortunately, that was as close as you had gotten to the man merely murmurs of what formerly was or will be. Only recently did you learn that your marriage was nothing more than a merger between two men who sought only power and influence, and so, without even starting, you lost all interest in the man, giving him space to mind his own business seeing him do the same, letting you know that your marriage was only on paper. And as the grey sky faded to dust, and the sunrise showed, making it another day in the Arrow House began, your two companions already stood at the door, deciding it was high time for you to go outside and scavenge through the fresh air.

“I am just saying, if I was Thomas Shelby, I would have bought a smaller house. Why does he need that many rooms, anyway? They’re just dust collectors at this point.”

“It’s not just a house, Eli. It’s a symbol,” you heard Abigail lightly scold you as the three of you continued to walk hand in hand around the residence.

“So you’ve told me,” you hummed, having the few weeks of bed rest catch up with you as a minor but annoying ache in your legs strained your patience “But it is rather charming, like one of those castles from the books you read,” you continued, turning to Finn who slowed down his pace as he caught your discomfort.

“That reminds me, I found a few more... We could read some of them tonight.”

“As long as it’s not one of Ada’s, I don’t think I quite recovered from them yet.” You could see him opening his mouth to say something as you prevented it just in time. “Or one of Aunt Polly’s.”

“All right, all right, I’ll find something else.”

It was rare to see such a beautiful sunny day outside, for often the untamed storms would roam the tides yet now with the blessing of the sun every bush became so vibrant, a tier of starlings peak around, looking for something to eat, the serenity of the clouds sailed by, casting few shadows in their path. The few trees around the house were slowly blossoming, already preparing to show their young buds. After strolling around the house for a few more minutes, you got the saving sensation of clinging to Abigail as you felt the world begin to spin around you, making you feel faint.

“Are you alright? Should we take a seat?”

“No, no, I’m fine. I’m just a little dizzy, that’s all. I haven’t been outside in a long time. It’s just a bit overwhelming.” You managed to spurt out as Abigail helped you reach the stairs to the entrance area and sat you down on them, moving you to the shadow to protect you from the razing sun, as Finn followed in pursuit, taking a seat next to you when one of the maids came out into the courtyard.

“Finn, Tommy’s looking for you.” She shouted to the boy as he quickly sprung to his feet and went into the house, as Abigail took his place next to you.

”Tell me, dear, how are your lessons going?”

”Pretty good. The boy is quite a good teacher.”

”He is a marble, isn’t he? Makes you think if he’s really one of ‘em Shelbys.”

”I actually think they’re wonderful people, well, at least some.”

”If you say so. How is he? Say anything to you?”

“No, sadly.” You blurted, resting your chin in the palm of your hand. “He’s just slithering around, but maybe it’s better that way... I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t find the man intimidating.”

”You haven’t met Polly yet.”

”Right.” You sighed, feeling the dizziness go down. ”Do you think I should go talk to him? Maybe introduce myself?”

”My advice is to steer clear. They don’t call him the devil for nothing.”

”He looks nothing of the sort. He’s fairly handsome as far as I could see—oh, I see what you mean.” you muttered under your breath before moving your cramped leg. ”Not your type, then I take it?”

”God no, he’s as attractive as a skunk. Smells like one too.” She mumbled, making you laugh.

”Jokes aside… I can’t stay in this house forever. I’ll go mad.”

”You could always head for the stables. You looked so cute with your little helmet.’“

”As much as I used to love riding, I doubt another fall would make my recovery faster.” You murmured, tapping your feet on the pavement. ”I remember there’s a town nearby. Why don’t we go? I’m sure we could find some entertainment there.”

”No.”

”Why not? It will be fine. It ain’t far, and I’m sure you’d find it mostly to your standards.”

“You can barely walk around the house and you want to go out to god knows where?”

“I’m going mad here Abigail, I’m in a loveless marriage and my only friends are you and an eleven year old… no offence.”

”Why do I have a feeling you won’t stop bothering till we go?”

“Because I won’t... come on, there’s no harm in it.”

You heard her sigh in defeat as she looked at you. “You do have an appointment with Reed in a few days. We could go to his office instead of having him come here.” She spoke as you felt yourself grow giddy with excitement. “But with one condition, if you feel anything that concerns you, you tell me straight away.”

”I promise… but I’ll be fine.” You assured, pushing off the steps, ready to head back inside.

”We’ll see, my dear, we’ll see.”

The days could not go by fast enough, for, with each passing day, you became keener and keener with the thought of changing your surroundings grew as you mulled over how to coax Abigail to drag out the visit for as long as possible. It was an odd feeling to escape the comfort of familiarity, yet when the Arrow house finally disappeared from your sights. As silly as it may sound to some, the moment that house vanished on the horizon, you felt more exhilarated than you had been in weeks. You felt sincerely and utterly alive, as if drawing a breath after a long dive. The locals scurrying through the courts, the loud, vulgar noises, the youngsters rushing right through the streets and slowing down the traffic; it was all so remarkably anew and refreshing.

When the rig finally stopped, you hopped onto the sidewalk and looked around at the peculiar mystique of it all when you heard Abigail calling out for you. As you quickly looked in her direction, you realised she was almost a street away. Varying your focus, you instantly caught up with her as you both headed toward the physician’s workplace. Walking along the bustling street, you allowed your views to roam through the picturesque buildings, feeling silly and awestruck by something so basic. It was not long before you reached the doctor’s office, stepping out onto the veranda and going inside.

As you opened the door, a light bell clanged throughout the interior as you looked around, taking off your coat and hanging it on the razing canary hanger standing next to the door. Inside you noticed a copper, wooden counter, behind it stood a few cabinets full of diverse coloured flasks, small notes clewed to them and dull books that revered in black as ink leather, identical to the ones he brought with him during all your appointments. The side walls topped with sketches of varied compositions which you speculated had been sketched by a child.

The inside was curiously warm; the warmth radiated from a still firebrand ingle, yet it did little for the atmosphere seemed bleak and eerie. It became even worse when you felt the familiar mundane metallic chemical smell set in which you somehow managed to get used to. Also, the scares windows certainly did not help the place look welcoming, as it suggested to be the only source of light, so if you got yourself tangled on a bad day, count yourself absolutely and utterly fucked, for even a blind rat could see better than the doc himself. As you kept looking around, the door on the right side corner, which you managed to abruptly overlook, opened as the doctor stepped into the room, wearing the ever so merry expression.

“Ah, if it isn’t my favourite patient.”

“Good morning, doctor. It’s nice to see you again.”

“Yes, yes, it’s good to see you, too. I’m glad miss Abigail finally let you out of the house,” he mused, stepping aside and gesturing for you to come in. You gave him a curt nod and stepped through the door as you heard him groan softly, barely audible. “could have been done a few weeks ago...” clearing his throat, he followed you, closing the door behind him. “Speaking of your aunt, I’m surprised she’s not here with you.”

”She had a few errands to run.” you explained, looking through the dazzling window which stood conveniently in the middle of the room, giving it the light it needed.

”I see. Well, it seems I have you all to myself. Please take a seat. I just need to grab a few things from the front.” he stated, leaving the door open as his rough footsteps echoed on the groaning floor. As you snooped around the office, you noticed how chaotic everything was: the unused utensils laid tangled anywhere there was a place, from the cupboard to the window arch, the books diversified with various colours sat scattered, some fallen on the floor, others messily leaning on one another on the shelves. The walls were suffocatingly cluttered with numerous posters and notes, some of which were torn. While looking around, you saw a few armchairs gathering dust in the corner of a counter covered with texts and catalogues alike. You quickly walked over to it, picking it up and hauling it into the warm shade of the sun, away from the many cobwebs you caught hiding near it. ”It’s a nice place you have here.”

“You kiddin? It’s an absolute mess. I can’t find anything anywhere... and the dust, don’t even get me started on the dust,” he explained, rummaging noisily through some papers as the noise died away and you heard him coming back into the room. “I’ve been searching for some help, but the folks here... let’s just say they aren’t keen on it.”

As he entered the room, you saw him take out his notebook, which you’d become accustomed to seeing, as he walked over to one of the counters picking up a cup, which he quickly set it down. “Do you want some tea?”

“No, thank you.”

“Good, because I don’t think I have any,” he muttered, opening the notebook and raising a finger to his lips before setting it down again and beginning to leaf through the papers. “Anyhow, it’s been a few weeks since we’ve seen each other. How are you feeling?”

“And we seem to be all done…” he affirmed, finishing scribbling down something in his notes. The light in the room dimmed as a vast grey cloud passed by while he continued, “Do keep taking the medication I have prescribed, at least till the end of the month,” handing over a small folded slip of paper with the prescription. “That is all for today, unless you have any other complaints.”

“No, I guess that’s it.”

”Well then, let’s get you the medicine from the front, and you’ll be good to go.” he replied, standing up from the chair and turning towards the door.

”Actually, I wanted to ask you something,” you spoke, accompanying him through the door, seeing he was carrying the chair he was sitting in a moment ago, “if it’s not too much-”

“Ask away.”

”I was thinking…” you started, watching him clumsily, get up on the chair and open one of the glass cabinets. “You mentioned you were looking for some help around here.”

”That I am.”

”Do you think you’d be interested in hiring me?”

”Hire you?”

”Yes, I think I’m capable enough to get back to work…”

”So the flower compositions and shades don’t do it for you, then?”

”Please, I can’t even do those… the maids, they take care of it—I tried to intervene once, barely got out alive.” you explained, seeing him shuffling vials back and forth, as he went through them glancing at their backs. “I’m not ungrateful… but it’s just too much.”

“I’m sure a lot of folks would love to be in your position, hell even me, been a while since I could just relax.” he sighed wistfully, finally turning up the right flask and dropping down. “But as much as I’d liked to hire you, I’m not certain I can.”

“If it’s my health...”

“It’s not about that, it’s about that family of yours. Doubt they’ll be good for business.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, the Shelbys aren’t the darlings of this town...” he responded, casually strolling towards the counter. “I’m not sure I can concern myself with such matters.”

“I’m not asking you to work for the Shelby’s... we’re the ones making the deal, so it’s none of their business, and I promise I won’t be much trouble.”

“I’m still not sure...”

“I promise that your interests won’t be affected. I give you my word.”

“You’re awfully stubborn,” he uttered, sliding the vial across the counter to you and propping himself upon the surface. “I can’t promise much... but I’ll think about it.”

“Really?”

“Don’t get too excited, deary, I said I’ll think about it,” he groaned, a minor smile lurked around the corners of his cheek as the bell to the clinic rang plainly, and another patient wandered in, a woman with a young kid on her arm. “Run along now. I’ll call you when I’ve decided,” Reed continued, his eyes glued to the new customers as you made your way to the coat hanger and began to put it on.

“Doctor Reed.”

“Miss Bell...” he blurted, his tone lightly cracking as he cleared his throat, recovering his composure. “What an unexpected visit... What can I do for you?”

“Sean wished to visit you...” she replied, parting hands with the lad and heading towards you, mouthing a subdued greeting your way as she took off her coat and hung it where yours once was. “Did we catch you at a bad time?”

“No, no, I’m completely free. It’s high time I took a break anyhow.” He claimed, the room overflowing with buried silence making you realise they were waiting for you to leave.

“Good day Reed.”

“You too, Miss Edwards.” he swiftly answered as you pushed the door open, hearing the bell ring behind you as you stepped out into the street.

You strode out of the clinic, going down out into the road; the sunshine coming out from behind the hovering veil as it drifted away; the lanes swarmed with traffic and crowds of people alike, scurrying through the streets, children walking home from school, the road full of rails and trolleys, freights and motors as people weaved through the traffic. You remember that Abigail had instructed you to head to the Garrison after your appointment in case it ended earlier than you’d expected. Yet the more you thought about it, a bar stock of drunks and other filth seemed anything but inviting, so you decided to walk through the unsoundly silvery streets, struggling to clear your mind from a peculiar taste in your mouth. The flood from yesterday slowly fell off the roofs of the houses that stood parallel to each other, the sides of them set crooked. Some pieces collapsed laying on the ground, revealing the concrete underneath. On the opposite side of the road, two workers carried a ladder, as they stopped near the streetlights, preparing to correct their bulbs.

As you slowly grew mesmerised by the modest town and its folk, letting your thoughts run wild when you inadvertently happened upon a peculiar lane. The surroundings turned into merely hovering contours as you went off further and further from the street you’d been circling, and into the alley that seemed frozen in time. As you walked down the sidewalk, the path in the distance came so distantly familiar that you began to feel uneasy, for the feeling grew intense with each step you took, lingering as evermore close, following your every move. The sense seemingly so dear and yet so harsh, the hollowness gnawing at you from within. Something inside you swore that this wasn’t the first time you’d walked this road, as it kept daring you to keep going. And maybe if you’d had, you might’ve found out why, maybe things would’ve fallen differently, maybe you’d have been spared all sorts, yet it soon became too much, as it struck you like a cool bucket of water, causing you to turn around and sending you back the way you came. Keeping your head down, you made your way back onto the main street, turning back to the narrow lane you were just in, deciding to walk away as you headed towards the clinic, the phenomenon fading as quickly as it began, the tarnished out silhouettes returning to their clear form as you rushed off as far as you could from this place.

Stepping up your pace you tried to walk off the experience behind you, making you inattentive to the people around as suddenly you felt yourself knocking into someone, the push tapping you back into reality as you turned around already forming to apologise, watching the man’s flushed face as he must have been hurrying change. As you looked up at him, the tension or anger in his body dissipated, and instead, a slight smile crept onto his face as he stared you down, making you feel uneasy.

“I’m so sorry, sir. I should have been more careful. Are you alright?” you stressed as you watched the man reach out his hand to you, drawing your hands to his, keeping them in place as he muttered something under his breath you barely managed to catch.

“You’re all right, you’re really here,” he choked out, not giving you a chance to ask what he meant as you felt drawn closer to the stranger as he hastily pressed his lips to yours, dropping your hands and wrapping his around you. You never thought the interpretation “ blood’’ run cold” could be so accurate, not until now, as a sickening, nauseating feeling crept up around you, your legs prepared to give way and let you sink to the ground, tied in place, a fly cornered by a spider, unable to move, speak or scream until the first rush of adrenaline overcame you helping you tear away, pushing the man off as you lifted your hand slapping the stranger across the face, the impact forcing him lean to the side.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You shouted, lifting your hand to your mouth and wiping away the disgusting taste of the man on your lips as he looked up at you. “What kind of person goes around assaulting random people on the street? Have you gone completely mad?”

“Not the welcome I was expecting, but I’m glad you’re alright.” as if nothing had happened, he straightened up his posture from the slap, a wide grin seeming on his face as you gradually began to back away, making him follow in suit, “Where the hell have you been... What happened? Why didn’t you come back home?”

“That’s my business creep. Ain’t yours to know.”

“Funny, I’ll remember that one... Come on, let’s get you home.”

“I ain’t going anywhere with you... Look, you seem like a—” you hesitated, seeing him getting too close for comfort, “—a nice fellow, but I think you’ve me confused with someone else... Now if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere else to be,” you stated, brushing past the stranger without waiting for an answer as you began to walk into the direction you came from, praying that your aunt would be waiting for you. Still full of adrenaline, having your survival instinct activate, you crossed the street and glanced over your shoulder, seeing the man following you and hearing him shouting at you to wait for him. With each step your panic grew as you felt the man’s eyes on you making you look around for a crowd or even a sharp corner to lose him on, trying to ignore your heart pounding in your ears as you swore he was walking right behind you, still yelling at you to wait as he followed. With some luck, you found a cluster of people you could brush past, buying yourself more time as you made your way towards them, trying to ignore the pain forming on your side. As you reached the crowd, you pushed past the people around, catching the street name at the corner of your eye, realising the Garrison shouldn’t be far off, deciding it would be your only choice, quickly thinking the shortest route, you emerged from the crowd; noticing your pursuer was further off than you thought, buying you some time, as you headed for the pub, hoping your husband wouldn’t be as cruel as throwing you out for the wolf to have.

The few minutes seemed comparable to hours as you ran down the street, looking back over your shoulder time and time again, when eventually, by some miracle, you reached the Garrison. You wrenched open the door, praying to all who’d listen that the man didn’t spot you as you slipped inside, taking care to close the door behind you. You zipped past a few patrons and went up to the window to see if the man was still following you. Peering through, you couldn’t describe the solace you felt when you saw an empty street, your pursuer nowhere to be seen.

The stress and adrenaline came down as you decided it would be best to find a place to sit while your legs were still holding on, your head foggy from the running as you began to take deeper breaths, only now noticing your throat was completely dry as calmly by the minute your heartbeat steadied out. You plopped down on the seat, catching a few people glancing in your direction as you buried your face in your hands, rubbing your palm against your forehead, your eyes getting blurry as your nose watered. When suddenly you heard someone sit down opposite of you making you shoot back up, thinking it was your stalker, yet when you looked up, you saw the bleak eyes of your husband, on whose side of the table stood two glasses filled with whatever he was drinking. Seeing him stare, you lifted your hands to your eyes, wiping any hint of tears, before letting your hands rest on the table as he pushed one of the glasses towards you.

“What’s this?” you questioned, gesturing to the drink, clearing out your throat to sound more certain yet falling as the question came out hoarse and unsteady as you finally managed to look back at his daunting gaze.

”Seemed like you needed a drink, is all.” He casually retorted, turning and reaching for something in his pocket as he pulled out a cigarette. ”Tough day with Reed?”

“No, Reed is fine.” You replied promptly, shifting your leg from one to the other as you saw him put the cigarette between his lips and begin to reach for the lighter, “Do you mind not smoking?” He slowly looked up at you, his eyes crinkled at the edges and the corners of his lips turned upwards. The more he stared, the more you couldn’t tell whether he seemed amused or wanted to kill you. It must have been the latter because he plucked the smoke, putting it back where he took it from as instead he reached for his drink.

”Not a fan then?”

”Not at all. I don’t understand how people smoke that junk and the smell…” you trailed off.

”Didn’t know you were coming here today.”

”I didn’t plan on it.” you replied, dragging the glass closer to you as you began to fiddle with its sides. The silence was suffocating yet inevitable, maybe because you didn’t know what would be appropriate to say or do, until this day you still had trouble expecting that you had a husband… especially one so successful, “a businessman” a plain old janes dream come true… what a joke. The seemingly charismatic charmer couldn’t even look you in the eye until now, especially after what he had done. And so the both of you sat there in silence, neither giving in, maybe out of petty, maybe out of fear of saying the wrong thing as you waited for the famous Shelby to make his next move.

“How’s your head?”

“It’s alright, getting better. I remember more and more each day.” You responded, flashing a momentary smile while you played along, even though you knew Reed was sending him constant reports of your condition.

”I’m glad.”

”Yeah, me too.” You responded, sensing another silence coming over the two of you. “Look, I know our situation isn’t the easiest… but if we want to make this marriage work, we’ll have to talk about it, doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow, but soon.”

“What about?”

”Well, for starters, the accident…” you trailed on, gathering the courage to continue, “It wasn’t on purpose, was it?”

”Of course not.”

”Don’t blame me, I just heard a lot of stories about you is all, had to be sure.” you said, taking a sip from the glass, your nose curling at the taste, 

”They true?”

”What?”

”The stories.”

“I hope not.” You spoke, catching yourself slowly drift off as you cleared your throat. “While we’re on the topic of business… Please try to keep me out of yours, I’m sure it will make both of our lives much easier and speaking of which, some fellow followed me here one of your friends, I take it?”

”What did he look like?”

”Dark hair, similar to your height… nothing else stood out, gave me quite a scare…” you explained, seeing him standing up and looking both ways through the window. “Sit down. He’s not out there anymore.”

”Did he do anything to you?”

“He kissed me.”

”Kissed you?”

“Yeah… he didn’t do nothing else, just scared me half to death,” you answered, finally giving into the glass and taking a sip. “Oh… and he also called me Y/n? That name mean anything to you?”

“I’ll look into it.”

”I’d appreciate it.” You noted, taking another sip from your glass, seeing the man in front of you deep in thought. ”See, that wasn’t so hard now, was it? Perhaps this marriage won’t be either.” You assured as you lifted up your glass while he did the same, both parties finally in mutual agreement. It wasn’t long before Abigail came around as you waved Thomas goodbye, walking out of the pub feeling a bit lighter than before.

And so, with the last unwashed vestiges of winter drawing to a close, the mornings grew too long and the nights to wail; the days seemed to pass more sluggishly than any before while you waited for a call from your potential employer. But as an entire week passed without news, your confidence began to waver, encouraging you to use your time and distract yourself from the possible rejection falling your way. Spring continuously reclaimed more and more of its territory, the weather varied with it, and miraculously a few sunny days crept in for you to take advantage of.

As luck would have it, today was one of those days and so with a book tucked securely between your arms, the grass still wet from the morning dew, you wandered around trying to find a comfortable place to sit. When you noticed, the ground under the few trees was reasonably dry. You threw your blanket nearby and settled down on the icy grass, and leaned on the bark, trying to find a restful position to stay. You couldn’t help but let a sigh leave you as you heard the few mockingbirds singing their melodies, the newborn leaves fluttering in the gentle wind as you settled down, turning the first page of your book.

But someone had other plans when your solace was interrupted by a call of your name as a small demon came running down your way. You couldn’t help smiling as you carefully turned the corner of the page you were reading, not wanting to leave a mark.

“Well, hello there, Finn.” You greeted him as he approached you, huffing from the running, his face red as one can be, walking close to the blanket as he leaned down to you, giving you a beautifully engraved porcelain glass.

“Abigail told me to bring you this.”

“Well, isn’t she a sweetheart,” you responded, putting your book aside and reaching for the cup as you shifted, leaving some space on the plaid. “Thank you.”

It wasn’t long before the boy settled down beside you, looking over the book who laid shut near your side, as you lazily began to sip the medicine he had brought. “What’re you reading?” He lilted, reaching for the book.

“Romeo and Juliet... Mary told me it’s good.”

“It’s not.”

You smiled into your drink as you put it down near your leg so it wouldn’t spill as you noticed him wrinkling his nose as he flipped through the pages. “How would you know?”

“I read it. I didn’t like it.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re still too young to understand it,” you remarked, rolling your eyes and snatching the book from him. “Besides, I’m not forcing you to read it... So stop sulking.” Flipping to the start of the book, the both of you fell into a comfortable silence as Finn kept looking over to your page, thrashing about.

“They both die in the end.”

You lifted your sights from the book, seeing him looking to the clouds. “You little—” You wavered as the boy barely suppressed his mischievous grin, so happy with himself. “Shouldn’t you be off doing some dare and do elsewhere?”

“No,” he answered, taking the cup in his hand, putting it aside and scooting over next to you as he leaned against the bark. “Can you read it to me?”

“You just said you didn’t like it...” you told off, watching him shrug his shoulders as he intertwined his fingers, waiting for you to start. “Fine, but just this once... but if I hear so much as a giggle, I swear it won’t end well for ya.” Hearing no response, you cleared your throat and began. “Act One, Prologue... Two households, both alike in dignity—“

Eventually, you managed to wind up the second act, your mind misplacing phrases. Distinct lines came tangled as you passed over entire paragraphs. You averted your views from the novel and observed the seemingly endless blue sky turning to luminous ash, ebbing with each wave laden with rosemary hues. While you veered about, you felt a stubborn pain in your shoulder; you discerned you had forgotten yourself in the book. Closing it, you moved your legs, realising it had been a while since you’d heard a sharp remark from the young Shelby, and so you looked over and saw the boy soundly sleeping on your shoulder without a care in the world as you instantly quit moving, awed not to wake him. And so you’ve looked over the lazily moving clouds, struggling to distract yourself from the strain on your shoulders, the slowness making you sleepy, causing you to yawn.

However, not so long after, you were startled awake when you heard a car enter the lot earlier. Recognising it as your husband, you watched it park, as he got back earlier than usual. For a while, nothing happened. The car sat there motionless, almost as if it had driven there by itself. But soon enough, the door opened, revealing none other than your husband. While it was unusual that he came so early, what was even more unusual was that another person came with him. They weren’t too far off, being you could see them free enough. It didn’t take much to realise who the woman was, for she was highly praised by most who came across her. You watched the two of them as they sauntered up to the house. When you noticed Tommy spotting you among the trees, as he must have pointed out to Polly, causing them to turn stray and venture out into the field.

“I’m afraid your brother got bored with my company.” You said as they finally came close enough so you wouldn’t hear you.

“Well, ain’t that sweet… How long has he been sleeping like this?”

“I am not sure. We’ve been sitting out here for quite a while,” you replied, extending your free hand to the women. “I’m Elizabeth Edwards.”

”Polly Gray, pleasure.” She greeted, leaning down and shaking your hand as the boy beside you stirred from sleep. He opened his eyes, seemingly disoriented, still half asleep. He looked at the three of you, confused about how they got there.

“Have a nice nap?” Polly asked as the boy got settled once again, barely managing a few hums in return, almost drifting off. She beamed, walking over to him, pulling up before he could knock himself out. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

“Can’t I sleep here?”

“No,” she responded sweetly, holding him by the arm, turning and looking down at you. “It was nice to meet you, Elizabeth.”

“You too, Miss Polly,” you waved off, seeing her lead the boy home as he wobbled with each step. Watching them leave, you too decided it was enough for today and so it was time to pack up everything you had brought, while Tommy stood idly by.

“He likes you.”

“You think so?” you asked more yourself, packing up the plaid and turning your sights to the house as you saw them enter it. Hearing Tommy approach, you looked at him as he knelt to look at the book lying on the grass.

“Romeo and Juliet?”

“I know...” you sighed, wrapping up the corners and tucking them between your arms as you held the cup in your hand. “It’s something else.”

“You know they both—”

“Die in the end I know...” you groaned, snatching the book from him, “Finn took the liberty of telling me, and now I know where he got it from.” Murmuring the last part to yourself, you headed towards the house while Tommy followed in suit.

“I hope he’s not bothering you too much.”

“Of course not. I enjoy his company.” You replied, smiling fondly at the boy’s weekly charades.

“He has you wrapped, doesn’t he?”

“Nonsense, I merely enjoy the prospect of a young mind is all.”

For a brief moment, you both strolled on in silence, relishing in the swirling of the meadow with each step, the beautiful blue of the wildflowers sprouting from the earth, looking rather grim while they waited for mid spring. The soft chirping of crickets some place nearby, the rustling of leaves bracing themselves against the gale, the sun setting on the horizon. It all felt so surreal in the bit, but soon the lush turned to rubble as you reached the house. Leaning your back against the door, you let yourself inside, as you stepped inside, holding the door for Tommy while he entered.

“I found the man who followed you.”

“Did you?”

“Wasn’t hard to find.”

You had so many questions on your mind, so many thoughts about all that you wanted to ask, but before you could, you heard Mary calling out for you. “Miss Edwards, Doctor Reed is on the line.” The unexpected opportunity that presented itself took you off the track to your thoughts as you looked back at Tommy. “We’ll talk about this later, all right?” you stated, putting everything you brought aside, excusing yourself and heading towards the ringing.

A few scant half hours of negotiation, persuasion and wishful promises you didn’t know if you could keep, came fruitful for, after a long talk with Reed, he surprisingly agreed to the prospect of hiring you. Of course, he’d his own whims and conditions, mainly relating to the Shelby name, but they were minor inconveniences that could all be easily avoided. Yet one thing, in particular, took much of the dispute as you made notice of your not so friendly relationship with the strange man on the street.

You requested his opinion on the matter, wondering what could be done if one day he stumbled in. That was followed by a long speech by the doctor about his oath to help the sick, with no excuses to be made, and therefore he couldn’t possibly exclude him and deny him medical care. Unfortunately, a man’s pride is a stubborn opponent. No matter how long you proved to dissuade him from his decision, he never wavered.

After some hesitancy, you agreed, for if the time did come, it would be best to go into the backroom, or at the very worst, leave the building altogether for a time. But make no mistake, for if the man threatened either of you in any way, there’s always a smuggled revolver in the pantry, easily accessible to those who know where to look. And so the conversation came to a close with arrangements and conditions met. You’d be starting on Monday. And so came a time for another wager, one which was more likely to lose. You’ve heard the maids talk about Tommys’ unpredictable behaviour, about his want to control every spectacle that existed. No matter his reaction, you had started the ordeal and so you had to finish it all the way through. And so here you stood, holding out your knuckles against the door, gathering the grit to knock.

“How long are you going to stand out there?” Tommy’s voice came from behind the door, making you reach for the handle and open the door.

“How did you know I was here?” you queried while you entered, letting the door fall shut behind you with the click of the latch.

“I can see through walls,” he answered, setting the paper he was holding down, turning his attention to you while you stood glued to the door. “Take a seat.”

“So official.” You spoke with a controlled smile as you walked towards the desk and took a seat.

“Heard you got a job.”

“I did, at Reeds… he’s been kind, so I thought I’d repay him.”

“Alright then.”

“Really?” you reasked, expecting a less bland reaction.

“Sure, why the hell not? It will do you some good. Hell knows you’d do it anyway, despite my opinion.” he added, rubbing his temples. “But I’m sure that’s not why you’re here.”

“Right… You said you have some news?”

”The man’s name, William Carver, works in the factory downtown. Seems his fiance went missing a few weeks back. Her name was Y/n L/n. As far as I know, she went out and never came back, driving the man to despair. He’s been going around town searching for her. Must have confused the two of you.”

“That poor man…” you proceeded with a sad grimace, “What do you think happened?”

“Skipped town maybe? I’m not sure, but I sent someone over for a chat. He shouldn’t bother you again.”

“I won’t pry…”

“Best not to.”

“But… I am thankful.” You retorted, feeling guilty over the relief you felt as you went on. “There is something else I wanted to ask… could this situation remain just between us? My aunt, well, she can be rather protective, and she’s not getting any younger… I don’t want her to worry for nots.”

“Just between us it is then.” he affirmed, leaning back on the chair, ”You keep surprising me, miss Edwards.”

”How so?”

”I expected you to be a scant different, is all.”

“A rich, spoiled snob?”

”Something like that.”

You rolled your eyes at the thought. ”Just because my father presents himself like that doesn’t mean we’re alike.”

”He raised you, didn’t he?” he urged, to which you responded with a nod. ”What about your mother?’

”She ran off with another man.”

”I’m sorry to hear that.”

”Don’t be. That’s what Abigail told me anyhow… I don’t remember the details.”

”I’m sorry for that, too.”

”Yes, well, nothing to be done about it now…” you groaned, looking down at your netted hands. “But if it’s any consolation, I forgive you.” Before he could say anything, you added, ”You know I can say the same thing about you… I figured you’d be different as well…”

”How?”

”Evil? Cold hearted? Selfish? I don’t know, just different. Count me pleasantly surprised.” 

”Don’t be quick to assume. Means could be deluding.”

“I suppose they can… but as they say, genius and lunacy are two sides of the same coin, just a flick of chance on which side the coin will land, and for now I seem to have got the lucky horse.”

He sat there still, wearing the same old expression of his as his eyes seemed to scan yours, the sudden change in attitude unguarding him. “You are one of a kind.”

“Cast yourself lucky then.” You retorted with a grin, lifting your sights and facing his gaze. Those eyes, so gratifying in their own way, hidden remnants swept away from a split mirror, like a lazily raged out flame waltzing through the ashes, struggling not to die down. Realising you’ve been staring more than was appropriate, you pulled yourself back. “I suppose I should be getting on. It is fairly late. But I wouldn’t mind continuing our wager tomorrow? Perhaps over breakfast?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one inviting you?”

“That be no fun, now would it?” you answered, as you began to stand up from the grown comfortable chair. “Do you prefer mortal food or should I go catch some lost souls for you?”

“One or two fresh souls would do nicely, don’t you think?”

“So a few souls is all it takes to get the famous Thomas Shelby to come down for breakfast? No serenades or poetic verses? I’ll keep that noted.”

“I’m not the romantic type.” he replies, as he slowly begins to return to his usual bitter self. The fog of the moment passed while you merely hummed at his response, assuming it was high time you left.

“Night Tommy.” you said, slowly closing the door before opening it back again, “Oh and Shelby, about the job, no funny business, alright? None. I’m watching you.”

”Reeds clinic doesn’t interest me.”

”Good, well them, if tomorrow favours, I might just be able to see you before you go off.” You proposed, repeating a quick goodnight as you closed the door, feeling the first few yawns coming your way, making a losing bet with one self of normal and peaceful sleep.

And so life went on. It was nice to get out of the house for a change, much to Abigail’s dismay, which no one fussed too much over. Your accomplice kept his promises, carrying your secrets. As a few weeks passed, spring was in full swing. The sky was bluer than ever, the rain as sweet as honeysuckle as it often danced through, sleepless nights howling at the moon, midnight talks and readings, that’s all you can remember from that time, the first flicker of amber by the fire as the grimmest of days lay ahead.

Working for Reed was an experience. The first few days were a nightmare. Everything was so chaotic that a nearsighted badger would have an easier time spotting all the amassed texts and tonics. The only thing that was thoroughly organised were the patient files, not a single speck of dust laid anywhere near. They were carefully labelled, each cast had its own place, established by the man himself.

That wasn’t the worst of it. The plight you could stand, you weren’t the tidiest yourself. That wasn’t the problem. What hindered you most was the constant pinning. Every single day, it would all play out the same. Miss Bell would come into the clinic making the poor man lose his mind as he would halt over to the front, they would talk for a short time, while the misses professed on buying something before changing her mind and taking off just as suddenly as she came. Sometimes she would embrace the man, almost managing a heart attack and leaving him awestruck for the remains of the day.

It went on every single bloody day, the same questions about his day and him clumsily talking about the weather, and today was no better. You were sitting around looking at the clock just waiting for the chaos bringer to show up, not even bothering to get on with it, only for it to end up a mess later. The bell rang at exactly three o’clock, as usual, and as if on cue, the women came in when you heard the boy’s loud footsteps, meaning he was already halting through, searching for the medic.

“Good afternoon, Miss Edwards.” You heard the woman chirp as you let out a deep sigh, god help us all, you thought, hesitating before opening the door to the front seeing the boy wander around while you stepped up to the counter. “Is Herman around?”

“He’s out getting some supplies.” You responded, mouthing a quick hello to the lad, seeing the woman’s smile waver. “He should be back soon.”

“Ah, well, do you mind if I stick around for a while? Till he gets back.”

“Course not. You’re always welcome here.”

As much as you trusted Miss Bell, you repressed the thought of going back to the back. Instead, you pulled out an old rag to wipe down the counter with, trying to listen to the boy’s mutterings as he surveyed the paintings on the walls, the bright grin on his face never fading.

“I can’t believe he hung them.” She mumbled as she looked at the messily painted pictures, “The pictures, I mean... Sean painted them, didn’t you hun?”

“Herman said I’ll be a famous painter one day.”

“With paintings like that, you’ll be a living legend.” You affirmed, looking at the two of them as you sought ways to overcome the awkward atmosphere. “Miss Bell—“

“Rose is just fine.”

“All right, Rose...” you corrected, as she moved languidly towards the counter, “Would you like some tea?”

“Why not?” she answered almost immediately before turning to the boy. “Sean, do you want tea?”

“What kind of tea?” The boy beamed, not wanting to stray too far from his mother, almost as if attached to her hip.

“Well, let’s head over to the back and have a look at our options.” You blurted, pushing open the door to the back. “Maybe we’ll nag a few biscuits as well.”

It wasn’t long before the empty table stood baring with three steaming cups, superbly embedded with newly profound ornaments. You discerned Rose was one for small talk, while her boy was more the quiet type. He found numerous means to entertain himself and even turned up an old, discarded document laid waste on which he’d decided to scribble on while the two of you conversed.

“It’s been a minute since I’ve been able to relax like this,” Rose confided, her gaze fixed on the scribbling boy as she lifted and crossed her legs, palms clutched on her knee. “So what’s your story, Miss Edwards?”

”My story?”

”What are you doing in Small Health?”

“Living a peaceful janes dream.” You responded, trying not to sound too sarcastic about the matter as you slowly sipped on the sweetened tea.

“Not so peaceful, I take it?” she countered, varying her legs from one to the other as you sought up at her. “Oh, I’m so sorry about that. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“It’s complicated, that’s all.”

“Does he treat you nice?”

“Nicer than I deserve, no doubt,” you replied, glancing back when the young lad raised up his scribbles, seeking for the both of you to watch. “What about you?”

“I’m afraid I’m anything but interesting. I work in the bookshop on the corner and look after this little artist.”

“You’re raising him on your own?” you appealed more to yourself than to her as she barely nodded in agreement. “How do you do it? Must be hard.”

“Well, I’m not completely alone. Herm—Reed helps me out a lot and my parents help where they can.”

“What about the father?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.”

“Does he know?”

“Oh, he knows.” She scoffed, nose scrunching at the thought. “He just doesn’t care. He ran off with a younger girl instead.”

“I’m sorry. That must have been terrible.”

“Yes, well, there’s no point crying over spilt milk.” She replied with a slight tremor in her voice. “Besides, I’d like to think that we were destined to meet for Sean’s sake.” she smiled with a look of love and awe at the boy who now had a black mark on his face.

“You’re an exemplary mother.”

“I’m doing what I can,” she quipped, noticing the inked cheek. “What about you? Are you planning on having a little Shelby running around?”

“No. Children aren’t my priority.”

“Why not?”

“If Tommy and I ever had a child, all hell would freeze over.”

“Wouldn’t that be something?” she chortled, letting her cup clatter against her plate as you both lapsed into a soothing silence.

“Rose, could I be frank with you?”

“Of course Miss Edwards.”

“Elizabeth will do.” You nudged her, trying to take the formality out of the conversation, “I can’t believe I’m saying this... I’ve noticed your recent pinnings towards Reed.”

You saw the moment of panic creep right past her. As much as she tried to mask it, it was there, but instead of being embarrassed or denying it; she cleared her throat, making sure her son wasn’t invested in the conversation. “Is that obvious?”

“Oh yes, but before you interpret it in any way, I can say he feels the same way.”

“Has he said anything?”

“Not particularly, no, but it’s pretty transparent. My advice is to go for it. I’d do it myself if I wasn’t married.” You joked, seeing her furrowed expression, “I’m only joking. He adores Sean and you. He’d gravel at your feet if so wished. No matter how many women have come here, he has never batted an eye.”

“He hasn’t said anything…”

“There are some people who can’t really say it, but he shows it in different ways. He hung up your child painting, which are–”

“Strange?”

“Unique. I was going to say unique,” 

She kept quiet for a while, her eyes running all over the place, making her contemplate. “What if he says no?”

“On the off chance that he does, you’d live your life with no ifs. Don’t let fear cloud what could be the best thing that could happen to you.”

Just as she was about to say something, the sound of the doorbell rang through, making her stand up from her chair as Sean jumped up from his seat, throwing open the door, drawing in hand runs squealing to the man. The two of you soon follow suit.

“Hello there Sean, I didn’t know you were visiting today.” You caught a hint of fear in Rose’s eyes as you both stepped out into the open. “Miss Bell, what a pleasant surprise. What brings you here today?”

“We were in the neighbourhood, thought we’d come by.” she answered, as the boy kept pushing the drawing onto Reed. “I hope we’re not interrupting.”

“Never. You’re always welcome here.”

“You must be busy... we’ll come by later.”

“But mother-“

“No buts, young man, we’ve overstayed our welcome as it is.” she gently chided the boy before turning back to you. “Thank you, Elizabeth, for the tea.”

“Anytime.”

“Are you sure I can’t offer you anything else?” Reed interjected, clearly trying to make her stay a while longer as she picked up her coat from the hanger.

“No. I’m quite alright, thank you.”

“Miss Bell was curious whether you’d like to take an afternoon stroll?” you quickly added, walking over to the couple. “And I said it was a great idea. And that the three of you should go, now.” You continued, taking the bag of whatever medicine he had brought from his hand and setting it on the floor, making the two of them back away. The young boy grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the door. Your little accomplice.

“I can’t just leave. What if a patient needs my help?”

“There’s a medic on every street around these parts. You’ll be fine,” you mentioned, giving the older man a shove. “I’ll hold down the fort till you’re back.” With a sweet smile, you pushed him out the door, not listening to his complaints. Once he set foot outside, you closed the door behind them, giving a quick wave to the confused couple and the nagging child, who was very much looking forward to spending the day with the two of them. It wasn’t long before the three of them disappeared down the street, young Sean walking in the middle, holding both Reed’s and his mother’s hands while his chatter could be heard, even from outside. You stretched, relieved to finally have some peace and quiet from the two fools, and silently prayed for the best. That evening, you received a call from a particularly satisfied employer who now owed you more than a few drinks.

Such a tranquil night was a scarcity in these times. With summer and its charms being one foot past the door, it was easy to get used to the frequent storms and whirlwinds that plagued the night, and the moon stranded in the sky like a dear forgotten friend under the sparsest of clouds. But tonight the moon made herself known, deciding to visit the plains. Shining in full bloom, she lit like a flame through the windows of the youngest Shelby’s bed, her light warding off with that of the room.

The boy’s voice echoed throughout the room as he skipped across the lines sitting there beside you, his back leaning against the headboard. His eyes wandered over the text while he read, making you hold a page of the book as he traced the lines with his finger. Another countless yawn escaped you. Your mind kept recognising the lines from time and time again, having read them solely a few days ago. It was amazing how such dwell could make you lose track of time as you both started to read at dusk and continued till the silver light of the moon shimmered through the window. 

With each chapter you concluded, you would try to leave the rest for another day, but Finn would end the discussion as soon as it began, with an empty promise called the ‘last chapter’. Reading with the youngster was unexpectedly fun. The boy had an imagination you’ve come to admire. Growing up with such circumstances didn’t seem to bother him, probably because he had no knowledge of them. Whatever Tommy was, Finn had nothing of the sort in him, at least not at the moment. He was good and kind, spoiled beyond belief, but kind nonetheless.

He often made you read aloud for practice, since reading didn’t come as naturally as it used to. For every word you misspelt, he corrected you by muttering it to himself, utterly unfazed. Since he seemed to think you needed more practice than him, he usually made you read for the heroines of the story, as he often picked on the sides. To make it even more entertaining, you’d sometimes deliberately shift the words or read them with a silly voice, which occasionally earned you a fit of laughter.

A predicted knock on the door interrupted Finn’s reading. Even from a far you could hear him slithering around. Finn lifted his sights from the text and immediately stopped reading. You knew he’d been waiting patiently for his brother to retire for the night. The door creaked open, revealing a still vigorously attired Tommy, who must’ve just come home from work. Finn freed himself from your hold, darting to his brother while you closed the book, leaving your thumb inside, just in case. Finn shot into Tommy’s hold as he reached down to the lad, boosting him up on his arm.

Occasionally, you couldn’t help but feel a little envious of the boy. It felt unfair to be jealous of a bond between brothers, but sometimes you allowed the thoughts to slip. He was still, and probably always would be, the recipient of Tommy’s affections, no matter how inconspicuous. But you noticed, you saw how Tommy’s character would invariably diminish while Finn would talk his ear off, how his eyes misled him as he allowed himself to feel... content? You could only guess. It was funny to think such a small child would have such power over a man like him, and if you didn’t see it with your own eyes, you’d possibly never believe it.

But you also felt relieved. Every little interaction you would manage to catch comforted you and proved to you over and over again that Tommy wasn’t as terrible as you’d originally presumed he’d be. It felt reassuring that even he could’ve a weakness, a chink in his armour, that he wasn’t as indestructible as other people might’ve feared. Sometimes you’d catch yourself wishing that you too shared his affection, even if it seemed too much to ask. Yet you didn’t revel in speculating about it and would often repress those crude thoughts. Simply because there was no reason for it. He wasn’t your husband out of love or passion; you had no right to him, his heart or his soul, for that matter. And so you were determined to be content with what you were offered.

“You okay?” Tommy suddenly asked, walking over with the boy on his arm as he settled down on the bed, a bit closer than usual.

“Just got distracted for a moment,” you responded, moving over as the boy settled in between the two of you.

“Tell him the news.” Finn chimed in, as always not able to sit still, as he moved around, making a fuss.

”What news?”

“I managed to persuade Reed and Miss Bell to go on a date,” you explain mischievously, crossing your legs and resting your head in your hand.

”Did you?”

”I did. He called a few hours ago, excited as a newborn calf.”

”Good for him.” he replied, as Finn took the book out of your grasp, careful not to lose the page. “Now at least you can work in peace.”

”It wasn’t so bad. I may have over exaggerated a bit.”

”So you’re a regular cupid now, eh?”

“I might be,” you grinned, averting your gaze from the boy. “Do you want me to set you up with a gal, Mr Shelby? I’m sure we can find someone to pique your interest.”

”Miss Edwards. I’m a married man.” 

As you let out a laugh and see the confusion on Finn’s face, you quickly change the subject. “How was work? Did you get everything done that you wanted?”

”No, I’m not nearly done.” he dryly stated, turning to his brother. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping? It’s almost twelve.”

“I ain’t sleepy. We’re in the middle of the best part.”

“The book can wait. You can finish it tomorrow.”

“Just a few more minutes and we’ll be done,” the boy whined, looking up at you for support as he continued. “You should join in, Eli does the funniest voices.”

“I can’t. I still have work to do.”

“Tommy, come on...” the boy pleaded as you were left staring at them both in amusement while they gawked back in silence, pleading for help with each of their claims.

“I’m not going to-“

“I don’t think--“

“‘Then you shouldn’t talk,’ said the Hatter.” Tommy announced. The boy laid in the middle between the two of you with a broad grin, while you held up the book, the dim light blurring all the words.

You could hear Tommy groaning every few minutes, dissatisfied at being at the hands of his brother’s whims. It wasn’t long before the assigned lines fell to you. As you began to read, feeling as if speaking only to yourself, you hesitated at the point where it was supposed to be Finn’s turn, only to see that the two of them were absolutely out of it. You wondered if it was a good idea to wake Tommy. You’d never seen him so relaxed. His breathing was slow and calm, his eyes were closed and beneath them were very clear sombre eyes, which heaved solidly against waking him.

Before you could rationalise it or think it through, you reached out to his hand, casually resting by his side. Slowly and lightly, as if deciding to wake him and, as if not, you gazed over the hardened parts on his palm. You didn’t know whether he felt it or was it a pure reaction, but his fingers grazed yours for a moment, causing you instinctively to haul away as you realised how cheap it would look, virtually as if seeing the deploring look of your aunt.

Breathing out, you rose from the bed, deciding to let the two of them sleep, since they seemed to be in too comfortable of a position to move. Stepping to the rim of the bed, you grabbed the cover Finn had kicked off earlier and dragged it over the two of them, before wandering over to the window and grading the blinds so the moonlight wouldn’t be as disturbing and wouldn’t wake them. Making sure you did all you could, you turned towards the door, extinguishing the vague light of the room before tiptoeing out. You couldn’t help looking back over your shoulder at the two brothers as you patiently closed the door, realising it was high time for you to bed down as well, as much as you weren’t looking forward to it.

Sleep was indeed something you were troubled with. In fact, you couldn’t remember any that wouldn’t end with you darting out of it. Tonight was no different, but instead of the usual light and darkness, shadows and echoes of the repetition of the same dream, your mind decided to change things up a notch and give you several dreams to keep things interesting, three to be exact.

The first was in a deep woodland that stretched from the plain to the sharp crag, its bones covered with iridescent sand, so steep that with one wrong step, one could fall off. Below, a small, cool stream forced its way through the ingrown shrubs, washing them away in its path. A biting gale shook up the coast and let it sink as you retreated and pushed deeper into the forest instead. There, trees from times gone by lay toppled in storms long forgotten. The longer you walked, the quieter and darker it became. The chirping of the river quelled, the pines now almost endlessly obscuring the sky, letting only a few rays through. Suddenly it became completely silent, no crunching of leaves as you walked, no wind blowing against the wind, just a lone deafening silence. Against all the pines you saw a maple tree buried from sight. It was overbore with moss, a rarity in such a forest. Running your hands against the bark, you spotted them. Two deeply carved initials stood covered by the green moss on the maple’s back, signs of a young and foolish, childish love embodied in history forever.

The second was built from memory in some far off shore distant town. The streets and architecture merged with places you’ve seen in Small Health and elsewhere. The streets were empty, except for the one legged dog muttering something under his nose. No traffic, no people, just the empty street and the rosy sky for evermore sombre, perhaps for the lack of imagination or sobriety. All the streets felt like they were in a stupor, their names blurred and hidden from the eye. Suddenly, the bell blue sky was no longer so empty as a brief downpour of snow slowly began to fall. The town’s centre stood empty no more, when oil like painted figures filled the square covering the tree daunting in gold. Whispers and hearty chatter of children played within the falling storm. Then silence fell again and everything that seemed clear at first began to melt away as a daunting bell of the church made it hard to breathe, drowning everything with its cry.

The third and last, revealed a once solid, barren house, now decaying in the ravages of time. The roof had collapsed and the hardwood that covered it was rotting away. The clouds floating around were grey and dreary and wished for rain, yet somehow the fields stood covered with perpetual sunshine. With every look, the house seemed to stand somewhere in the countryside, with no signs of civilization in sight. The once elegant silvery fence that surrounded the house was now stripped of its paint and awaiting decay, while an abandoned bird’s nest rested beneath the gable. The grass behind the fence, at least what was left of it, plains of it were covered in black, a trail left by a fire. Suddenly, a deafening shot was fired from behind the house. Walking around it, you discovered two children, a girl and a boy, who couldn’t have been older than twelve. An old plank was lying in the grass with five glass bottles stashed on it. The boy fired another shot, cursing in frustration at his failure to knock over an old whiskey bottle, while the girl climbed the rotten fence, jumping from side to side. You could swear you heard them talking to each other, but unfortunately it was so faint you couldn’t make out any words, so you hid so as not to scare the children away. The girl must’ve said something to the boy, because he suddenly dropped the gun running to her, while she ran off, laughing hysterically and shouting something back at him as she sprinted down the hill.

And just like that you stirred awake, with no signs of clamour or disruption, but simply because of what seemed to be that tonight’s dream, fallen to its conclusion, a somewhat still, obscure and tangled one, but a conclusion nonetheless. There was no point in reaching for the watch, but you did anyway, perhaps out of curiosity or just to prove something to yourself. Quarter past four, on time, as usual. You slumped back into bed and lingered motionless for a time, peering at the ceiling and admiring the various lithographs that adorned it, while the contents of the dream slowly faded. Your heartbeat appeared to seize, as you glanced towards the window, where you saw the same lucid obscurity that you’d faced the nights before.

Feeling the tiredness pouring out of you, you sat up only then, realising that your back was completely drenched in sweat. You forced yourself to get up and out of bed, clutching the hem of your shirt, flailing it around to cool yourself off while you went over to the wardrobe to find a tolerable replacement.

Letting the sodden material fall to the floor, you felt an expected sharp pain in your temples. It almost felt like a melancholic curse someone had uttered to make your life a bit more miserable than it already was a peculiar sense of irony that one. The rattling pain made you want to go back to bed, shelter yourself from it and maybe even sleep for a few more hours, perhaps even till sunrise. Yet you knew this trick very well by now. The tiredness persisted, but no matter how many times you’d tried to fall asleep in the nights before, sleep wouldn’t be bothered to show. It looked like just another early morning, an unnecessary, extended moment of brooding. Luckily, Reed was kind enough to give you something for nights like this, something to ease the headache and calm your mind.

Closing the cupboard and forming a mental note to wash your soaked clothes in the morning, you headed for the door, intending to go to the kitchen where the medication resided. You tweaked the door open, closing it behind you, feeling much better, for somehow it was much less hot in the corners of the hallway than in your room, even with the window left agape. Enjoying the coolness, you slowly crept down the corridor, the creaking floor not making it any easier to slither by quietly.

Halfway down the hall, your eyes caught a luminous light falling from one of the rooms, and, of course, it didn’t take you long to figure out that it was coming from the office. It varied from night to night. Sometimes the room would have grown dark by this time of night. Others, much like this one, it would continue to shine bright till the first light of dawn hit the ark. The thought of offering some form of assistance crossed your mind several times, but when the opportunity presented itself you never took it, for you felt out of place and your aunt’s alarming warnings did nothing to reassure you. And so, as befits a good wife, you kept quiet about your husband’s dissolute habits.

After all, it could be much worse. Some men would leave their wives alone at night, only to stray into another woman’s bed. All you’d have to worry about was that of your husband getting shot or being too bloody drunk to see clearly. Unfortunately, the thought of Tommy bringing a whore into your—his home crossed your mind on several occasions. It always lingered at the back of your thoughts, pursued by jealousy and envy. It has been months with no intention of whatsoever making your merger anything more than a contract, none, and at this point, you suspected it would ever get that far. 

Your thoughts were interrupted when the door you were glancing at, opened out of nowhere, the light from the room shone into the hallway as the open door revealed an almost asleep Tommy looking at you with a puzzled look as you stared back at him wordlessly, seemingly taken aback by the sudden appearance.

“Elizabeth.”

“Tommy,” you mirrored, glancing into his office as your eyes surveyed a tidy desk, causing few thoughts to pass through your mind. If only your employer was this clean. As you met the gaze of the intimidating man before you, an overpowering smell of cigarettes and strong whiskey wafted into the hallway. “What’re you doing up so late?”

”I could ask you the same thing.”

“I can’t sleep,” you replied, feeling him tower over you as his hands leaned on the edge of the doorframe.

“Neither can I,” he muttered, taking a step back, almost as if shaking the drowsiness off of him. 

“Yes... I can tell.” You hummed in reply. Looking him over, you could see the weariness emanating from him, almost like a mist, but his mind denied it. Seeing him so tired, with those clear, dull eyes that grew more tired by the day, worried you. For a long time, you stood aside and let him have his way, but not tonight. Something inside you caved. Perhaps it was a sense of duty to your husband, or perhaps it was some hidden companion finally finding its way to the surface. Straightening up to look more convincing, you continued on. “I was just about to brew some tea. I got it from Reed. He says it induces sleep. Do you want a cup?”

“I do,” he stated directly, forcing you into panic as you somehow managed to get your way. He closed the door behind him as you took a step back, ready to head down to the kitchen.

”Oh, alright then, come along.” You wavered, turning around, pacing away towards the stairs.

“Where did I put it...”, you mumbled, reaching for one of the cabinets. Opening it, you spotted the package furthest away as you upped yourself on your tiptoes, hoping to reach it without having to pull a chair over and not wanting to embarrass yourself in front of your nightly guest.

“Here, let me,” Tommy blurted out as he came to your side and stood up to reach for the parcel. As you were about to put your hands back down, his hand accidentally brushed your arm, causing the hairs on your arm to stand up, making you instantly draw back as he suddenly pulled out the small package and brought it down for you.

“Thank you,” you stammered, somewhat bemused by the man’s eagerness to help you. You closed the cupboard door and placed the small box, still carefully wrapped, on the counter. Reaching down beyond the countertop, you grabbed one of the one of the ornate handles, pulling out a shelf and grabbing a knife from one of the compartments.

With Tommy standing by your side, you felt uncertain of every move, not knowing whether he was batting an eye or not. The thought of asking him to sit down crossed your mind as you untied the brown packet and saw that the actual tea packet was wrapped in plastic wrap.You grabbed it by the sides to rip it open, when a sudden sharp pain went through your finger as you pricked yourself on the sharp edge, causing you to pull back with a yelp.

”Shit.”

”Are you alright?” 

“Yes, it’s just a nick.” you mumbled, as out of nowhere he took your hand in his to examine the cut. You wondered where this sudden gentleness came from, for it was quite a sight to see him soften like that. You’d only ever seen him so gentle with his younger brother.

“Go sit down. I’ll make the tea,” he beckoned, taking your place as you began to laugh at his jest.

“I can make some simple tea, Tommy, now go on, there’s a saying about not letting a man near a kitchen,” You spoke ready to fend back any comeback, with newfound confidence, but that all disappeared when he gave you one of his stern looks as you stepped away from the counter and plopped down on a chair, the burning shock of the wound disappeared altogether.

”Does it hurt?”

“No? It’s not even bleeding.” You explained, as he looked you over one last time before turning his back to you, the mechanical wheels turning in his head as he opened the packet, while you sat there trying to figure out whether he actually knew what he was doing. “You’re supposed to drink it cold,” you informed as you spotted him reaching for the stove. It was rather charming to see some domestic sides of the man in suit, even if it wasn’t much it was still a step forward. 

“So, when did you wake? Last I saw, you were sound asleep.” You wondered at the man sitting far too close to you, dreading the filled cup in front of you. You knew the medicine would help, but Reed had warned you that it was the most disgusting thing you’d ever tasted.

“A few hours ago.”

You laughed at the dry answer, remembering the night before you. “So I’ve to make my reading palatable to you?”

”Well, it could use some work.”

“Aha, of course it should.” You chuckled as you remembered his reading and the mere moments when such a high ranking man turned into a story book rabbit.

”What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing at all.” You continued the fit, trying to control your wide grin as you remembered every single minute of that memorable night. “Tough guy.” you teased, raising your hand to stifle the fit of laughter. “The devil of Small Health.”

“Excuse me?”

”I’m sorry Tommy, I just didn’t know a man such as yourself would be so into reading.”

“I do have a reputation to uphold.”

”Don’t you worry, my lips are sealed. I wouldn’t want to ruin your proper and intimidating appearance.” Finally, you managed to calm down from your fit and added. “Besides, you kept my secret, so I can only return the favour.”

“Speakin’ of, that William. Have you seen him since?”

“No, I haven’t had the pleasure yet.” you casually reply, seasoning the words with a few inches of irony, “Thank you for taking care of it,” you added, seeing him nod briefly. Deciding it was time to get it over it, you brought the cup to your lips. The smell betrayed no sense of strong or irregular flavours, instead, it gave off a sense of freshly carved honey. 

The deceptive smell that emanated from the liquid hid a horrid taste that hung in the back of your throat. You could only force yourself to take a few sips before putting it away, wanting nothing more than to throw up. Tommy seemed to follow your lead, but instead of drinking it bit by bit, he tipped the glass all the way down and shook off the taste when he was done. 

“Never again,” you declared, standing up praying that some water might wash away the disgusting taste that was growing clearer by the second.

“It’s medicine. When have you ever known it to be sweet?” The man questioned as you turned around, feeling as if you’d run a marathon. “You should drink it all. It’s not so bad once you get used to it.” As if on cue, the taste of the promised sugary honey kicked in and wiped away the almost foul aftertaste.

“No, thank you,” you replied breathlessly, settling back into your seat as you immediately pushed the disgusting substance away.

“Drink it, you’ll feel better afterwards.” he argued, pushing the cup towards you without giving you an ultimatum, so you had no choice but to acquiesce. You gulped down the drink, reminding yourself to burn the tainted witchcraft the next morning as you fought against the taste. Seeing your distaste, he steered the topic elsewhere, trying to distract you from the foul drink. “Heard you were having nightmares.”

“Yes.” you trailed off, wondering how he had known the fact. “A few, actually, had me waking up three times tonight. Reed says they’re fine, but I just... I’m sick of them. I wish they’d go away.”

”What are they about?”

“All sorts of things, the accident mostly.” You answered dryly, wishing for nothing more than to forget the night’s exertions when the accursed taste finally subsided. As the two of you sat in the air, so brittling, you wondered if he blamed himself for putting you in danger, or for marrying you. As far as Abigail was willing to comment on the matter, she said your husband hadn’t been in favour of marriage as much as your father, it had been forced upon him, one of the many conditions on the deal he signed. You wondered if he regretted letting a stranger into his home into his family. Pushing the melancholy thoughts adrift, you looked at him, searching for signs of discomfort or hatred, but you found none. His eyes remained empty, not a single glint of such to be seen. That made you think he was at least tolerable at your expense, perhaps not of his own accord, but for his brothers.

Oh, how you envied the youngest, how you wished to return to the mindset of a child, where everything in the world seemed new and fascinating, how sweet and magical the world had looked, with trolls and dragons plundering dreams, when everything seemed to have a happy ending. Only when you grow up and understand how damned the world actually is, full of cynics, envy, lust and base cunning. But being around the boy helped, to some extent, to relive the feeling of innocence through his experience… It saved you from going crazy in your own head and helped you forget the helpless days when you’d no intention of getting out of bed.

“Do you think we’ll be okay in the future?” you suddenly asked, your gaze fixated on the other side of the table as you leaned back into your seat before continuing. ”I know you wanted to marry me as much as I wanted to marry you, and with everything that happened. I’m afraid.”

”Of what?”

”Of you, I suppose, of this life.” You ranted, feeling lighter than you ever felt, only now realising it must be an effect of the drink. “I don’t want us to spend the rest of our lives as strangers. You’re all I have now…”

”We’ll take it one day at a time. How does that sound?”

“That’s the one thing we can do, eh?” you laughed, brushing it aside as the medicine took its toll on him too. “Do you think you can cut down on the drinking?”

“It helps me sleep.”

“How about another solution? Instead of filling your head with that oil, let’s meet for tea? Like we did today.”

”You want to get up at four am… to have tea?”

“Well, we barely sleep anyway, you because of work, me because of nightmares...”

Seeing the man before you begin to think, you glanced at the window and saw the night slowly sinking when you heard a barely audible whisper that you mightn’t have understood if it wasn’t as still as it was now. You didn’t know if he wanted it to be heard or not, but you were glad you caught it.

”I don’t deserve you.”

“You’ve no idea what you deserve,” you countered back, lingering deep in uncrossed territory. It didn’t take long for your subconscious to respond to the compassion that led to your hands resting under his as his fingers gently ran over the back of your hand, making you smile. “You don’t have to be so careful with me, Tommy. I’m not going to break so easily. I won’t leave you either,” you assured him, letting out a breathless laugh. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to, well maybe, but it would take a lot of effort on my part.” 

For a few moments, he stayed there still, continuing to run his fingers against your skin, whether to comfort you or himself, stayed unclear.

“You’re not such a bad man, Tommy.”

”Well, I’m not good neither.”

“No one is full on good or bad, Tommy. We’ve all done things we regret.” You stopped yourself deciding that was enough deep dwellings for the night. “Well, enough of the self pity for one night, eh? There are some very comfortable beds with our names on them.” You continued letting a yawn slip, feeling your eyes go slack.

“You’re right, we should head to bed.” “Remind me to thank Reed for that disgusting witch juice we drank,” you yawned, causing your eyes to water as you sat there a moment too long, not wanting to move your hand. Sadly Tommy decided to do it first as he stood up, just about ready to finally go to bed.

The two of you climbed the stairs, feeling a little unbalanced by the overwhelming fatigue as you stopped close enough to your two rooms.

”So what do you think of my offer, mister Shelby?”

”I think you got yourself a hefty deal, miss Edwards.” he replied, as he decided to treat you with the same soft look that was reserved for his brother. He held out his hand as you did the same, your hands were soon intertwined as you rubbed your thumb against the harness of his skin. When a loud, unwanted noise sounded from one of the rooms, the both of you stood startled, heads turned in the noise’s direction. Your hands broke apart at the first sound of trouble, like two teenagers caught doing something rather inappropriate.

“We should probably…” you murmured when nothing came from that direction.

”Right, well then night, Elizabeth.”

”Eli is fine.” You corrected him, taking a step back, feeling like a king’s fool standing there, fighting the shadows of sleep.

”Goodnight Eli.”

”Goodnight Tommy.” you smiled sheepishly, looking at him through the cracks of your bedroom door as you slowly closed it, rather excited about what tomorrow will bring.

And so set the new routine. It was hard trying to sever old habits and install new ones. Fortunately, they weren’t as ingrained in stone as you expected they’d be, as for some people are strong willed enough to break free of the iron bars that bore them captive in their own minds. That’s what nurture can do to an adrift individual. But nothing can be perfect forever. With every step he took forward, he’d take another two back. No matter how many times you sewed an acute wound, there will always be a scar remaining, visible or not. 

It took perseverance and infinite patience not to argue back or waste your temper while striving to fix something that would have been better left alone. But some nights, when the moon reappeared anew in the sky upon a clear and luminous night, he’d let slip and throw that look. In those lone few moments, you could see the devil’s inhumanity slipping away from him, the man the world claimed him to be, cracking away at the shell he’d become, revealing nothing more than a torn man seeking shelter. With every look he gave you, with every peck of his lips, with every good morning and night, with every slight step forward, those earned moments made you feel complete, as if everything you did had a purpose that connected you to the man. And therefore, with each day, an uncertain eye watched your stride with a deploring manner unsettling you for what was inevitably to come.

You remember it so clearly; you were lingering on the terrace concluding Romeo and Juliet, merely a few pages remained as the leisurely paced day passed about. But for some reason, you couldn’t concentrate. Everything was at first too quiet and then too loud. The sunlight gave you a headache, but as soon as it disappeared, you missed the warmth on your skin. Irritated, you shut the book with a heavy thump, massaging your temples and letting out an impotent sigh when suddenly one of the maids approached you.

“Eli, Abigail is requesting that you join her for tea.” she sweetly beamed as you thanked the girl, picking up the book and setting it down in its place, letting your fingertips run against the dustless shelves before heading off to meet Abigail.

She wasn’t hard to find, for even a stranger could recognise her by posture alone. She sat there as ever, gracefully sipping tea like a true jane, exuding pride and indulgence. Still, some would argue she was no longer in her prime. Her appearance could bring tyrants and beggars alike to their knees. The way she spoke, the way she walked, even the way she sat, seemed to demand respect, making everyone turn tail and move out of her way. When you got to her, she motioned for you to sit down, a slow mist gleaming from your cup, as for some reason, she didn’t dare look you in the eye. You sat down. The silence emanating from the women made you nervous while you started babbling about whatever came to mind. However, it only earned you a few humming noises and a few short sentences. Tired of the mindless silence, you decided it would be appropriate to start off.

“Have I done something wrong?”

“Whatever do you mean?” She asked more herself when, after what felt like an eternity, her gaze finally broke away from the window and finally decided to grace yours.

”Well, seeing how you barely spoke to me, refused to look me in the eye…” You murmured leaning forward, forgetting about the cup of tea that had since gone cold, “Could you just tell me what I did so I can apologise.”

“I’m afraid I’m as always. You ought to be imagining things, must be from that disgusted tea you drink, camomile was it?”

“You’re mad about some tea? You can easily help yourself with it. I don’t mind.”

“Oh, the tea’s not the problem dear.” she seemed to scoff at your wearing expression. ”Don’t pretend to be so draft, my dear.” she sighed, picking up her tea. “I thought that you respected me.”

”I did—I do…”

“When I speak to you, I expect you to listen, but here you are, letting yourself wilt over something stupid as that madman.”

”I’m not wilting… Tommy had some trouble sleeping. I brought him some tea, that is all.”

“He’s a grown man and he can’t make his own tea?” she sneered. Her piercing gaze made you feel like a lonely child who should be put in a corner for inappropriate behaviour.

”You’re mad because I brought him a cup of tea?”

”No, I’m not mad. I’m disappointed, that is all.”

”Over a cup of tea?”

”Forget the bloody tea.” she scoffed, setting down the cup and reaching for your hand that rested on the table. “Eli... you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. I know you think you do, but you don’t. People like Thomas rarely change,” she cooed, squeezing your hand. “You have a good heart and a kind soul. Don’t let it be taken for granted by the likes of him... please, I beg you.”

”You’re making him out to be something he’s not.”

”How much did he tell you? Did he tell you about his murders? How many kids he left fatherless because of his own ambitions?”

“That’s the street talking Abigail. You know how people like to make stuff up for the sake of it.”

You saw her nose curve, as she quickly took her hand away from you as if revolted by the sight of you. ”And there it is.”

”What?”

”You’re defending him.”

”I am not. I’m just speaking my mind.” You responded as the two of you remained in an uncomfortable silence, her sights not leaving yours, as she arrogantly waited for you to let down. “He’s a good man,” you murmured, pushing the lukewarm tea to the side. “I’m just trying to help him find happiness.”

“He doesn’t want to be happy.”

“Everybody wants to be happy.”

“Depressives don’t. They want to be unhappy to confirm they are depressed. If they were happy, they couldn’t be depressed anymore. They’d have to face reality and consequences of their actions, live with them, which can be depressing.”

“Tommy is not a depressive.”

“Isn’t he?”

“He’s not,”

“How would you know? How long have you known him?”

”I-”

”Few months at best, and if I remember correctly, he ignored you for most of that time. Don’t you see what is happening here? He’s using you for his own volition.” She proclaimed, lifting her hand from the table and rubbing her forehead, signs of mental exhaustion becoming more apparent. “I’ve been in your shoes before. I married a man, same as him, and so did your mother. I don’t want you to make the same mistake.”

“Just because my father is a fucking slag doesn’t mean all men are Abigail.” you jeered at her, realising how shaky you were, regretting the words as soon as they came out, the moment turning to ashes in your mouth, as the women froze up, her eyes fuming.

“When that ideal husband of yours made you lose your memory, I alone was there for you.” She bit back, raising her voice with every word. “When he shunned you away, Me, not him, helped you regain your sanity.”

“I know, but—“

“Do you really think he’d go out of his way to help you?” she inquired, venom dripping off of every word. “He’d stuff you full of snow, and leave you bearin, calling on whores to warm his bed at night.” She cried, standing up as the chair behind her shifted against the floor, shrieking. “He doesn’t want love, he doesn’t want care. Men like him only want an enabler, a person to pat them on the back every time they decide to use their brains instead of their cock,” she bellowed, letting out a frustrated sigh, “Why do I even bother?” suddenly stepping away from the table as you soon rose up to follow her. “You want to waste your life on a man like that? Go ahead.”

“Abigail, where are you going?” 

“I’m leaving. You’ve gone off your rails.” she seethed back, rushing up the stairs while you meekly stood looking at her outburst.

“You can’t just leave me here alone...”

“You seem to be in very capable hands, darling. If it’s the experience, you need to set you straight, then so be it. But I’ll not stand idly by and watch you turn into your mother,” she called out loudly to you as you heard the door to what you assumed was her room slam shut as a few maids gathered around, sharing a few whispers over the freshly acted out theatrics.

[thescreamingraven]

Portals to Hell by hrmphfft

[thescreamingraven]

The winter stars

Just something I wrote...

━━

Two flames dance throughout the night, their fire not too close yet not too far, both needing, wanting to survive the harshness of the winter yet to come.

Together they dread the flaming dawn, clawing her way out of the darkness's warm embrace as he tries to fill the quietness with promises of new tomorrow’s and blissful bliss.

As the children’s screams of joy begin to fill the air of their forgotten wonderland, the two lovers dread their sealed awaiting fate as they become torn away by a sense of duty and righteousness, or is it selfishness?

One can ever tell.

━━━

As the seemingly endless storm begins to cease, and throughout the winter sky the bells begin to sing on the eve of Christmas, as angelic as ever before, the remaining’s of the dimmest sky vanishes.

She waits in the center of it all, waiting for the bells to ring for her and only her, to finally embrace the long lost light. But before her stands only a shadow of what once was, now faded and dark. In his soul, the coldness of the winter stars had ceased, taking him captive by its charm.

━━━

She takes his hand offering him a sanctum for his burdens, leading him home, at last, the walls there full of memories, sweet as the lovers kiss as she tries to save him from the clawing blackness of his soul. Broken, scattered, not enough to fix as he only sits and waits for the dim, his judgment day.

It all feels so hopeless, as the days and years pass by, as he sits there like a broken record, waiting as she can only pray for his atonement.

━━━

But slowly the winter air begins to pass, as the spring gets set to leave its mark, shutting off the cold, harsh night. She holds him oh so sweetly, as she feels his spirit not yet housed in flesh, but brought to life. Her lips on his, speak things not voiced, a prayer that rings throughout the shattered night, his soul now saved by the blinding light.

[thescreamingraven]

hey! i just read your Office Affairs and i love it so much that my heart is in pain rn with the ending 😭😭😭😭 will you make a part 2... right? its so perfect we need it 🥺🥺 (btw im new on tumblr, still figuring out how does it work lmao~

Welcome to tumblr🥳🥳

And yes I’m making a part two, really sorry it’s taking so long I’ve been quite busy, if you want I can tag you when it’s done😊

[thescreamingraven]

I just want to ask, will the office affair part 2 wont be sad? :’> i want bought the reader and hawks happyyy

We shall see, writing works in mysterious ways. 😉

[thescreamingraven]

Office affairs is so beautifully written are there going to be more parts?!😭

YES YES YES, I’m working on part two right now, it may take a bit but it’s coming. Thank you so much for enjoying it 💚🧡❤

[thescreamingraven]

Just wanted to say that “Office affairs” made me feel ALL THE FEELS T^T I loved reading it!!

Aw I’m so glad🥺, didn’t expect such positive feedback🌸

[thescreamingraven]

Office Affairs

Hawks x reader

Genre/warnings: Nsfw, Fluff and Angst

Words: 13k

Summary:   Mixing business with pleasure never ends well.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

This is probably the longest thing I've ever written in my entire life...

———

Hello. Part two here.

——

≿————-　❈　————-≾

The fresh smell of coffee in the office had finally managed to seduce you as you stood up from your messy desk and walked over to your boss’s office. You knocked and patiently waited for a response, before cracking the door open and peeking through the brief gap. You saw a very stressed Hawks, his wings all puffed up, his feathers a mess laying all over his office floor. He was talking with someone on the phone as he paced around the room, rolling his eyes at the caller. You entered the office, quietly closing the door behind you, trying not to disturb him. After a few seconds, he finally spotted you and flashed a soft smile.

“Yeah, yeah, I know they’ll be done by Sunday.” he mocked them, making you chortle.

He walked over to his desk and leaned against it, tapping his fingers impatiently against it, waiting for the conversation to finally end. He looked up at you and mouthed an apology for taking so long.

“Mhm, you too,” he mumbled, finally hanging up his phone and massaging his forehead.

“Is it just me, or has the commission gotten more annoying lately?” he sighed.

“Anyway, I’m sorry about that.” Hawks apologized, lifting all his feathers out of your way and brushing his puffed up wings down. “So, what can I do for my beautiful secretary today?”

“I was just heading out to get some coffee, and I thought I’d ask you if you wanted some.”

“You’re such an angel, and yes, buy it as strong as they come. Here, take this,” he pulled out his credit card and gestured for you to take it.

“No, no, it’s fine, let me treat you... You seem very stressed.”

“Yeah, I just earned myself a week’s worth of paperwork,” he sighed in annoyance.

“I could help you if you like, it’s my job after all,” you suggested.

“No, you do enough already, but thanks for the offer.”

You looked at the tired bird skeptically, knowing he wasn’t going to give in anytime soon.

“Well, alright, just let me know if you need anything else done.” you turned away and walked back to the office door.

“Actually... There is something that I wanted to ask you. Are you free tonight?”

“I am why?” you wondered, leaning against the door.

“Well, I was planning on going out for drinks with Endeavor, but the bastard bailed on me, so I thought maybe you’d like to...”

“Hawks, I don’t think that’s very prof-“

“Oh, c’mon dove, look at how tense you are, let’s loosen up for a while, yeah? Order a couple of beers, I’ll invite Miruko as well, let’s just have a good old breather tonight, god knows we need it... “

You thought for a moment, trying to remember if you had anything important planned for today; you looked back at Hawks, who seemed a bit more restless than usual.

“Uhm... Sure, why the hell not.”

“That’s the spirit, it’s already five... So how does seven sounds?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll be done by then,” you muttered, opening the door.

“Perfect, I’ll... See you later then.”

As the door closed, Hawks finally expelled a piece of air, he didn’t know he was holding, and a brief smile settled on his face.

Finally...

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Hawks sent you the address of the bar after you left and texted you to just meet him there. The bar seemed to be just around the corner, so here you were. It was a pretty secluded place and didn’t seem to have many patrons. As you opened the door, the smell of freshly brewed beer and roasted coffee beans flooded your senses.

The bar was nearly empty except for a few people loudly discussing politics with the bartender; you looked around and spotted Hawks, who was sitting alone, facing away from the entrance as he scrolled through his phone. He didn’t see you yet, so you decided to scare him. You walked up behind him and covered his eyes.

“Guess who?”

He chuckled and answered with a silvery undertone.

“Endeavor?”

Your soft giggles filled his ears as he tried to calm his trembling heart. You uncovered his eyes and took a seat in front of him, still cringing at his answer.

“Sorry I’m late, this place was pretty hard to find.”

“Yeah... I wanted to find a place where the tw—three of us could spend a quiet night.”

“How did you-”

Hawk’s phone buzzed suddenly as he picked it up and mumbled a quick apology.

“Shit...”

“What happened?” you asked, tilting your head.

“It’s Miruko, she forgot she was on patrol today.”

“Oh...”

“Hey, we can still have fun.” Hawks assured, gesturing for the server who waited patiently at the bar.

“Do you think you can get us two beers?”

“Make it four,” you said, giving Hawks a challenging look that he gladly acknowledged with his own.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

After drinking more than you should, the awkwardness was gone, Hawks sat down next to you as you both swayed back and forth, supporting each other and trying not to fall off your stools. Everyone in the bar was now looking at you in annoyance, cursing under their breath as Hawks loudly tried to tell another of his embarrassing stories.

“And then, and then I just tripped... I finally met him for the first time and tripped, but hey, I still got that autograph,” he cringed, reliving that moment in his head as you tried to stifle your laughter.

“No, no, I’m serious, you should have seen my face. I was so embarrassed, and they were filming it too.”

“Knowing you, you probably sleep with that thing under your pillow.”

Hawks looked away, his face was red, you couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol or…

“Oh, wait, don’t tell me you actually do?”

“What no... Of course not.”

“Then why are you blushing, hmmm?” you teased, taking the last sip.

“Blushing? You’re the one who’s blushing.”

“Oh god, we drank too much beer, I can barely see straight,” you giggled, trying to focus on a painting hanging on the other side of the room.

“Y/n, Y/n, how many fingers am I holding up?” he asked, holding out his hand.

“Four.” you slurred, downing another glass.

“You’re officially drunk.” he snorted.

“Hey, shut up and look at yourself, you idiot, I basically have to hold you,” you squeezed your arm that was around his waist.

One of the patrons finally snapped and yelled. “Hey, can you guys keep it down? People are trying to have a conversation here.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.” you apologized, looking at your drunken boss as you spoke in a calmer tone. “Hawks, I want to thank you.”

“For what?”

“For taking me out like this, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to just let loose, you know, the whole serious act can be really annoying sometimes.”

“Oh, I get that, believe me, but, but you know what I think?”

“What?”

“I don’t appreciate you enough,” he muttered, nearly falling off the chair he was sitting in as you pulled him closer to you and tightened your grip so you both wouldn’t fall off.

“Oh, don’t say that.”

“No, no, I’m completely serious, you work so hard, I swear when we go back to work on Monday you’re getting a raise.”

“If anyone deserves a raise, it should be your agent, they have to deal with your crap all the time.”

You thought for a moment, trying to sort out your drunken thoughts.

“Then maybe Josh.”

“The receptionist?”

“Yeah, he has to deal with crappy people all day, not to mention your fans coming in uninvited. Then I heard William’s wife left him, the poor guy seems really down.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah. So trust me, you’re paying me well enough already, now how about another beer?" you gestured to the server.

“You’re on.”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

You felt something heavy resting on top of you as you started to slowly shift from your sleep. The feel of the bright sunlight on your face irritated you.

You rolled away from it, trying to fall back asleep before you felt a small shift next to you. You yawned, slowly cracking your eyes open, and quickly jumped, pushing the warm embrace of Hawk’s wings away. A painful headache and soreness in your lower half intensified as you sat up, trying to remember the events of last night. Suddenly you froze and felt the warm blanket hit against your bare skin, you lifted it up and saw that you were both naked.

“Shit,” you whispered, looking down at your knocked out boss. “I’m so losing my job.”

You covered your face with your hands, debating on what to do next. Everything about this felt wrong, he was your boss, and you were just an employee; you tried to remember how your drunken behavior had led to this, but you couldn’t remember anything. One minute you were both sitting in the bar talking about your day, and the next…

Soft snores filled the room as Hawks began to mumble something into the pillow.

Well... it was fun while it lasted, you thought, swinging your feet off the bed and picking your clothes up off the floor. You walked around his cozy apartment for a while, trying to find your bra, which had mysteriously disappeared. You heard Hawks start to move around in the other room, and in the fit of panic, you quickly forgot about your bra, grabbed your shoes off the floor, quietly unlocked the front door, and slipped away, closing the door behind you, you quickly sat down on the stairs, put on your shoes, and pulled out your cell phone, hoping to find out your location and find a cab that could take you home.

When you finally arrived home, you went straight to the shower and stripped off your messy work clothes in front of the bathroom mirror. As you took off your shirt, you noticed a few small hickeys adorning your breasts and neck; you turned your back to the mirror and discovered the red bite marks on your shoulders. You ran your fingers over them, trying to remember the feeling of him against your skin.

Letting your panties fall to the floor, you stepped into the shower and slowly washed up your heavily bruised skin.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

When Monday morning came, you were really anxious to go back to work. Hawks hadn’t texted you all weekend, and you were relieved that at least you hadn’t received a termination email. You were now standing outside the office building with a scarf around your neck, trying to cover the marks he had left behind and trying to minimize your anxiety.

Just act normal. He probably doesn’t even remember, you thought, trying to slow down your thoughts. You entered the building and said good morning to Josh, who was more enthusiastic than usual. You were about to head up to your floor when he stopped you.

“Oh, before you go, Y/n, Hawks wanted to see you in his office as soon as you got here.”

Well, shit...

“Is it something urgent?” you asked, trying to hide the nervousness in your voice.

“It seems like Hawks is in a good mood right now, for some reason he’s been promoting a lot of people today.”

“Really, who?”

“Well, me, the accountant, his agent, and a bunch of other people.” Josh chirped as he sharpened one of his pencils. “So I suggest you go see him as soon as possible, maybe you’ll get one as well.”

You thanked him and continued on to the elevator. As you entered it, you anxiously pressed the button for the fifth floor, trying to think of a good conversation starter. Not bothering to set your bag down at your desk, you headed straight for his office, tossing your passing colleagues a good morning before finally standing at your destination. You raised your hand to knock, pausing in mid air before you heard a loud shout.

“Come in.”

Hesitantly, you turned the doorknob and stepped into his office. Closing the door behind you saw Hawks leaning against his desk, holding what appeared to be his latest meeting details.

“Dove... How—good morning,” he stuttered nervously, setting the report down on his desk.

“Good morning, sir, I understand you asked for me.”

“Uh, yes, yes I did... Here, I got this for you,” he turned around and picked up a cup of coffee from his desk and handed it to you.

“Coffee? Shouldn’t that be my job? Don’t tell me you’re trying to steal it away from me.”

“What, of course not.”

An awkward silence suffocated the room as papers could be heard being printed and your colleagues running around outside the office. Hawks picked up his cup and began to drink slowly. You took a sip as well before deciding to rip off the bandage and start the conversation.

“Boss... What happened on Friday—It won’t happen again. I can assure you that I’m sorry for being unprofessional if you want to fire me, that’s completely understandable-“

“Oh, no, no, that’s not why I called you here. You’re not getting fired... I’m giving you the promotion I promised,” he muttered, setting his cup down and walking closer to you. “And I wouldn’t mind a repeat of what happened on Friday...”

Your eyes widened as he leaned closer to you and murmured. “If I’m coming on too strong, you need to tell me.”

Your lips brushed against one another before he pulled back, opened one of his desk components, and pulled out your bra. “By the way, you left this at my house,” he smirked, holding the string with one of his fingers.

“Why, why the hell did you bring it here?” you stammered, snatching it out of his hands.

“I just thought you’d want to have it back.”

He stepped closer to you again as you tried to stuff the bra into your bag.

“Don’t be embarrassed, we’re alone here and I’ve seen more than just a piece of clothing you wear.”

“Right...”

He leaned forward, his eyes sparkling with an animalistic desire, and you instinctively closed your eyes in anticipation of a kiss as you felt a light peck land on your cheek as he pulled away.

“I’m afraid I must be off to an early patrol. Justice never sleeps and all that.” One of his smaller feathers landed on your coffee cup, which by some miracle you hadn’t dropped yet.

“Here to keep you company while I’m gone... Now go and enjoy the rest of your day and don’t miss me too much,” he grabbed his signature jacket from the chair and walked out of the office, leaving you a flushed, aching mess.

You stood there frozen as you raised your hand and touched the spot he had kissed, clutching your cup tightly and trying not to lose the feather resting on it. When you finally calmed down and opened the door, you were in for a surprise.

Your colleagues were pulling out bottles of champagne and other snacks, all cheering each other on. You sneaked off to your desk and placed your bag on your chair, making sure it was zipped up several times, and exhaled in relief before William suddenly snuck up behind you.

“Did you get it?” he chirped, holding out a glass of red wine to you, which you politely declined.

The corners of your mouth turned up, giving it away as Wiliam called out to the rest of your colleagues and raised his glass. “She got it.”

Everyone started cheering you on, opening another bottle and raiding the office fridge to celebrate this “mysterious” promotion.

“Cmon, Y/n, join us.”

“I don’t think I can. I still have a lot of work I-“

“One glass won’t hurt will it?”

You sighed in defeat, taking the glass from him and joining your colleagues who were already talking about a party they were planning on Friday.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

It had been a long time since you had experienced such a dramatic change in the atmosphere of your office. Usually, it was quite stressful making sure everyone stayed on the good side of things, countless meetings and phone calls, but now people were relaxed and enjoying their time.

Your office phone began to ring, and you quickly picked it up, shushing everyone. On the other line was a very stressed Josh.

“Y/n they’re here, get back to work now,” he stammered, as you could hear him fidgeting around.

“Josh, who’s here? Hawks doesn’t have any meetings today.”

“The commission, she’s here, tell everyone to—oh no, she just got in the elevator and she’s in one of her moods,” he warned.

“Oh, shit,” you uttered, quickly hanging up the phone. “The commission witch is here.”

Everyone quickly jumped up from their desks and tried to get the trashed office in order as best they could before the surprise guest would arrive. That woman was evil. She would always show up here, angry as a toad, and start yelling at random employees and threatening to fire them.

You quickly cleaned up your desk and ran to dispose of all the bottles, unfortunately, you couldn’t dispose of them in the office trash cans so you had to run to the kitchen. But on your way back you weren’t careful enough and bumped into someone, knocking them slightly off course. Looking up, you mentally cursed yourself when you realized who it was. It was the commissioner; her face now flushed and you could tell she was going to blow up at any moment; she looked around the messy office and your frozen colleagues who were now trying to avoid her death stare.

There was a minute of pure silence before she raised her voice and roared throughout the whole office.

“What is the meaning of this?”

You quickly backed away and walked over to your desk, grabbing the feather that Hawks had given you earlier and trying to calm yourself from the embarrassment of nearly knocking her over.

“Is this what Hawks is paying you for?” she hissed, pacing around in her high heels.

“No, miss.” several staff members replied in a union.

They all fell silent as she scanned the room.

“You’re all going to lose your jobs very soon if you don’t clean this place up right now.”

Everyone got up from their seats and began picking up and throwing away the remnants of the messy party.

“And I’ll make sure to report this little gathering of yours.”

When she looked at you, you instantly squeezed the feather, trying to hide it in your hands.

“Where’s Hawks?”

“He’s on patrol, mam,” you replied nervously, trying to remain professional and shake off the bumping incident.

“Then call him and tell him I need to see him right away.”

“Yes, I’ll do that right away.”

You picked up your phone and called Hawks, who had apparently declined your call. Puzzled, you glanced briefly at the stern woman, who eyed you all like a hawk.

“Try it again.”

“Right, sorry.”

The whole celebratory mood quickly faded as she paced around the office, looking around and waiting for Hawks to return.

You called him again, but to no avail, when suddenly the elevator door opened and a very tired Hawks appeared.

“Well, hello, there, chief, what a surprise,” he greeted, stepping out of the elevator and closing the distance between them as he looked around the office, which was still a bit of a mess.

“You’ve disappointed me, Hawks.”

“What did I do this time?”

“Your lazy employees not only trashed the office, but refused to clean it up afterwards, and your little secretary nearly knocked me over.”

Hawks tried to control the creeping smirk on his face as he walked towards her.

“Oh, so you think that’s funny, do you?”

“No, no, of course not.” Hawks cleared his throat, wrapped his arms around her back, and led her away. “But how about we discuss this behind closed doors?”

The small feather in your hand slipped through your fingers and flew around your hand for a while before landing on your palm. You stared at it in confusion, trying to figure out what it meant before William walked over to your desk.

“Y/n I’m so sorry.” He muttered.

“It’s okay, she’s pretty scary when she’s angry, huh?”

“Yeah... Well, most of us are done for the day, and we’re going to a bar downtown to continue our little celebration. You coming?”

“No, sorry, I-“

“Go ahead, just don’t overdo it, okay? “ he said, patting you lightly on the shoulder.

“Thanks, next time, okay?”

All of your coworkers began to leave one by one, giving you a quick wave as you tried to focus on your work.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

A few hours later, you finally finished organizing all of Hawk’s meetings for tomorrow and sent them to him. When suddenly Hawk’s office door opened and the commissioner came out.

“Make sure it doesn't happen again,” she warned.

She stopped right in front of your desk and hissed. “You’re lucky you have such a nice boss. If you were working for me, you’d be fired by now.”

She walked towards the elevator and pushed the door button. “See you soon, Hawks, and don’t forget what we talked about.”

“Right, right, have a good evening, chief.” he waved her off.

When the elevator door finally closed, he walked over to your desk with a tired smile creeping onto his face.

“So... Mind explaining what happened here?”

“The staff just wanted to celebrate their promotions...” you explained, sending off his meeting plans for tomorrow.

“Oh, well, please just keep it out of the office next time? She almost made me a flightless chicken with her death stare,” he added, glancing at his watch. “And why aren’t you home yet, it’s almost nine pm?”

“I still had to send out the details for tomorrow’s meetings,” you replied as you rose from your chair and stretched.

“It’s at nine, right?”

“Yeah, don’t be late, okay? And it’s nine am, not pm that excuse won’t save you this time.”

“Fine, I promise I’ll be there on time,” he promised, lowering his hands in defeat. “Now you should go home, it’s getting pretty late.”

He moved closer to you, leaning in and pressing a small kiss to your forehead.

“Have a good night, dove, and get home safe,” he chirped and walked away, leaving you once again confused and speechless.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

It was finally Friday; you were looking forward to going home and getting ready to rewind for the weekend. You were finishing up your work, reading some reports you had written that morning to see if they were all correct, when a call from downstairs interrupted you. You picked up the phone, pressed it against your ear, and held it with your shoulder as you typed your last sentence of the day.

“Hey Josh, give me a moment.”

When you finally finished, you reached out and grabbed the phone before it could fall.

“What’s up?”

“Well, William’s got back together with his wife.” Josh began.

“Wait again? That’s the third time this week...”

“Yeah, well, he says it’s for real this time and we all decided to go to a bar... To, uh, celebrate their wedding? I don’t know.”

You sighed, resting your chin on the palm of your hand, and smirked. “What’s the catch?”

“He wants you to ask the boss to come too.”

“Can neither of you do it?”

“Well, you know how I am with people and Will still hasn’t forgotten about the printer accident.

“Oh... Scared of the big pigeon, is he?”

“Please Y/n, it would mean a lot to him...”

“Yea, yea fine I’ll ask him, he can be so childish sometimes.” you sighed.

“Thank you Y/n, I’ll get you whatever you want.”

“Nah, thanks, I’m good, save the money for your boyfriend.” you teased.

“He’s not my-“ he remarked stuttering.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too Josh,” you teased, hanging up and leaving him flustered on the line.

You sighed, getting up from your desk and walking over to your boss’s office.

You knocked several times before entering.

“Oh, hey dove, come on in,” he mumbled, picking up his third cup of the day. He seemed so focused on some document he was reading that you didn’t know if you should disturb him. You cleared your throat before speaking nervously.

“Some of our colleagues are going out for drinks tonight, and they wanted to know if you’d like to join them?”

He finally looked up from the document, massaging his eyelids and giving you a tired smile. “That depends are you... Going as well?”

“Yes, I am. Why?”

“Perfect. I’ll see you there then, yeah? I need to finish this up.”

“What are you working on?” you asked, walking closer to him and glancing at the fancy document in his hand.

“There’s this private charity event that is being organized, and it seems like I’m required to go,”

“Ah, I see, what’s it for?”

“Damage control, I think, I’m not sure, I’ve been reading this for half an hour and still haven’t figured it out.”

“Well, take as much time as you need,” you assure him, slowly walking back to the door.

“Which bar are you guys going to?”

“The one downtown, it has the most amazing fried chicken.”

You could see his wings puff up at the thought of hot, delicious food.

“Yeah, order some for me when you get there if you can.”

“Yes, sir.” you gave him a teasing salute and went back to your desk to get your bag.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

The bar was almost full, being one of the best in the city, but somehow one of your colleagues had managed to get a reservation, the wooden interior and candle-like lighting giving the place a cozy atmosphere which you gladly welcomed considering the stressful day you had.

You ordered a drink to distract yourself and block out the awful singing of William and his wife. You looked fondly at the couple meandering around the bar, singing with every poor soul they could get. This had been going on for years, the two of them fall apart and then come back stronger than ever. You often wondered if they would ever truly be apart.

“So... Are you going to tell me about this guy, you’re seeing?” you asked Josh, who was sitting next to you staring at the singing couple, his face already red from the single cup of beer William had talked him into drinking.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” he slurred, his eyes widening before he muttered quietly to himself. “It’s complicated.”

“Well, even if he isn’t I’m still really happy for you, it’s not easy to find someone you’re compatible with.”

“Cheers to that,” another colleague bellowed, downing a gulp of vodka.

“You want some advice from an old man, Joshy?” William asked, his singing act forgotten as he sat down in between you and Josh.

“You’re not old, you’re only thirty two,” you chuckled, moving away and trying not to get crushed by him.

“That’s not my point, my point is when you find someone special and you guys have this special connection, like really special, like the new commercial for Coollade—are you listening to me Joshy?” he shook Josh who was now lying on the table with his eyes closed.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m listening.” He muttered.

“The kids drunk Y/n... How is he drunk? He only had one beer.”

“It was a big glass,” you insisted.

“Anyway, like I was saying—listen to me, Y/n. If one day you find someone-“ he put one of his arms around you and pulled you closer. “You don’t let them go, all right? No matter what the circumstances, if you both feel the same way, you don’t let go, claw, fight, scream, because—Y/n are you listening to me?”

“I am, Will keep going,” you assure.

“Wait... What are we talking about?”

You covered your face with your hands, trying to stifle your laughter.

“I think Josh is asleep...” he mentioned, poking Josh’s cheek a few times.

Another song started to play as Williams lifted his arm off your shoulders and slurred something about wanting to dance with his wife, but when you looked back it looked like the poor fool was dancing with Brad.

You picked up another glass of your drink when you felt someone else’s arm around your waist; you looked up to see Hawks dressed in casual clothes trying to hide his wings.

“Thanks for saving me a seat,” he chirped, pulling you close to him.

“Oh, Hawks, hi, you came.”

“Of course I came, I didn’t want to miss-,” he looked around to see his drunken colleagues swaying around, singing whatever lyrics came to their drunken mind, “Whatever this is.” He finished, taking your drink from you and pulling you in. “I think you’ve had enough... We don’t want a repeat of last time, do we?”

“Wait... What happened last time?”

“We got kicked out for being too loud,” he croaked, barely able to recall the memory. “But hey, at least we had fun...”

Hawks glanced down at the young receptionist, who was sleeping peacefully, his head leaning against the table.

“Did he fall asleep here?”

“Oh yeah, young Joshy’s not much of a drinker...”

Hawks suddenly felt you grab his shirt as you placed your face in the crook of his neck.

“What is it, dove? Not feeling too well?”

“They were all sold out of chicken,” you murmured into his neck.

Hawks suddenly burst out laughing before giving you a reassuring squeeze.

“That’s okay, I’m not here for the food.”

“Really?”

“Yeah... I came here to see your flushed face and actually remember it this time,” he said, patting your head as you practically sat on his lap. “And I have to say, it might be the best decision I made in a long time.”

He could see you slowly drifting off as your body grew heavier and your breathing slowed. He looked down and studied your sleeping features, wishing he could have seen them like this a week ago. He picked you up carefully, reaching for your bag with his feathers and waving goodbye to your colleagues who were too busy singing to notice him.

He spread his wings outside, causing his shirt to tear at the back, but he didn’t mind, he just hoped the noise didn’t wake you up. He lifted off the ground carefully and slowly, trying not to make any sudden movements.

As he soared through the night sky, the stars shone brighter than ever, but he paid them no mind. The only star he cared to see was safely tucked away in his arms.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

It wasn’t until he landed safely on his balcony that you started to regain consciousness. He opened the glass door, carrying you into his bedroom, setting you down on his bed, and sitting down beside you.

“Hawks?” you mumbled, sitting up.

“Hey Dove, you’re okay... You’re at my place.”

“Oh... Did we fly here?”

Hawk’s lips curved into a smile as he felt your head against his shoulders.

“Yeah, we did. Are you okay? You don’t have a headache, do you?”

“No, no, I’m fine, I’m more than fine...” you looked at him, then at his lips, your rational thoughts clouded by the alcohol in your system.

“Hawks...” you moaned his name so sweetly, repositioning yourself on top of his lap.

“I want you…” you closed your eyes and leaned in, moving your hands towards his belt. You looked down as you felt him pushing away your hands away from your desired destination.

“I think you should get some sleep,” he cooed, holding your hands and running small circles over your knuckles.

“But... I thought... Don’t you want me?”

He looked up into your beautiful face, which was now clouded with confusion.

“I do...”

“Then why-“

“I want you to actually remember when it happens, and for it to be enjoyable... Y/n?”

Your head slowly fell onto his shoulder as he realized you had fallen asleep. He sighed, picked you up, and laid you down on his bed. He walked over to his closet, trying to find something that might fit you. He decided on one of his shirts that was too big even for him; he walked closer to you and slowly lifted your arms using his feathers.

As he took off your top, he recognized the bra you were wearing. He tried to push all inappropriate thoughts aside and quickly slipped his shirt over you, god how perfectly it complimented your figure. He quickly removed your bottoms, trying to avoid looking at your panties as much as possible before covering you with the freshest blanket he could find. He stared at you, looking so beautiful sprawled out on his bed, thinking about how strangely natural it felt.

He despised that he barely remembered that night, and he hated the fact that he had let you go first thing in the morning. He heard you run out of his apartment, and he just wished it was out of embarrassment and not regret.

He remembered how much he disliked you at first. The whole first year you worked for him you were too uptight, too professional, too controlling, always scolding his antics and calling them childish. There was a time when he considered firing you so he could finally have at least a little freedom. But somehow over time his opinion changed. He was no longer annoyed when you brought him coffee in the morning, nor when you reminded him of his meetings, he began to be grateful when you’d straightened his tie while he was at work. And here you were three years later, toying with his heart’s desires, sleeping peacefully in his bed.

He couldn’t resist giving you a quick kiss on the forehead before walking out of the room to take a shower and try to get rid of the bulge that was still growing hard in his pants.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Slowly you opened your eyes and sat up in the familiar bed, your mind still foggy from last night’s party. A low hum could be heard somewhere in the house as you got out of bed and decided to get yourself a glass of water from your kitchen.

As you opened your bedroom door, you were greeted by a small staircase leading somewhere downstairs.

“Since when do I have stairs in my... “ you mentally cursed yourself as you looked around the familiar room, trying to remember how you got here, the low humming now turning into singing as you recognized the singer’s voice.

You walked slowly down the stairs; the voice becoming clearer as the smell of fresh coffee and fried chicken filled the room as you walked into the kitchen.

You were greeted by a shirtless Hawks humming something to himself on his headphones, when he noticed you in the corner of his eye, he quickly took them off as you turned and looked away from him.

“Good morning, dove-“

You quickly turned around, facing away from him, trying to erase the mental image from your mind.

“Shirt... Put a shirt on,” you stammered over your words.

“Oh, are you embe-“

“Shirt. On. Now.” you barked.

“But it’s so hot outside-”

“Hawks, if I don’t turn around and see a shirt on your pack—shoulders, I’m going to kick you... I’m not kidding,” you warned.

You heard a brief shuffle before he finally muttered an “okay” before you turned around and covered your face with one hand, leaving a tiny crack to see if he was lying.

You removed your hand from your face when you saw that he was dressed appropriately.

“You should see your face right now. You look redder than my wings,” he teased, holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

“I hate you...”

“Good morning to you too, dove. How did you sleep?”

“Good? How did I get here exactly? Did we... You know?”

“I’m afraid I don’t. I’m a bit on the stupider side you see-“Hawks, stop playing with me, just tell me, did we... Sleep together?”

“Nope, you were out like a light,” he chirped, recalling yesterday’s events.

“Oh, thank god.” Hawks gave you a confused look as you cleared your throat. “I mean... How did you sleep?”

“Good... Went out for an early patrol and now I have the whole weekend to myself.”

“Oh well, good for you.”, you looked down at the shirt you were wearing. “Have you seen my clothes anywhere?”

“Oh, they were ruined by the alcohol, so I threw them in the washer. They’re in the bathroom.”

“Oh, cool, cool, that’s great, well, I should probably get going.”

“You’re leaving already? But I made breakfast...” he pouted, setting his cup down on the kitchen table and walking towards you.

“I just don’t want to intrude...”

His hands slowly wrapped around your waist as he pulled you against him, stopping you from leaving.

“You’re not intruding...”

Hesitantly, you looked up at him as you felt him brush a strand of hair from your face.

“Hawks, if this is about last Friday-“

“Speaking of which, why did you leave so early, did I do something wrong?”

“What, no, that’s just how one night stands usually work, I guess?” you shrugged. “People have sex and then move on.”

Hawks let out a low chuckle and clasped your face with one hand.

“Who says it has to be a one night stand?”

“Sorry? You know the commission is strictly against relationships, right? We could get into a lot of serious trouble, especially you.”‘

“We can keep it on the down low?”

“You’re my client, Hawks. I can’t in good conscience allow you to...”

“Dove... Let me worry about my job, okay? I’m not a child, I know the rules and the consequences if I break them...”

He cleared his throat, backing away and looking awkwardly at the floor.

“Look, at least stay for breakfast, yeah? Then you can leave if you want. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable...”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Breakfast soon turned into a day, then another, and another, then a week, then two. Somehow you found yourself living in his apartment. You even had your own toothbrush, some comfortable clothes, and all the other essentials. You slept in different rooms, respecting each other’s privacy. Your work became more efficient and easier. Having your boss close by so he could address certain issues faster than usual was definitely a bonus. Neither of you dared to put a label on your relationship, but there were a few moments when things got pretty heated. Sex, however, was off the table, as neither of you had the courage to cross that line again.

One day, you both decided to catch up on some chores that you’ve been neglecting. You were peacefully cleaning the kitchen window while Hawks tried to figure out how the vacuum cleaner he bought recently worked. The instructions were written in Chinese, and Hawks sat there dumbfounded, slowly typing in the symbols he saw in Google Translate.

“I told you,” you chirped while scrubbing the window.

He muttered something under his breath, slowly getting annoyed with the translation.

You climbed off the chair you were standing on and sat down on the floor next to him.

“Why did you buy this brand, anyway?”

“I don’t know, some people said it was good.”

You reached for your phone, which was in your back pocket. You pulled it out and looked at the brand name, typing it into the search bar and bringing up clear instructions.

“Here you go, birdie.” you handed him your phone, taking the encrypted instructions out of his hand, and tossed it next to the slightly opened vacuum box.

“Thank you, dove, you have no idea how annoyed I was getting.” he thanked you, pressing a soft kiss against your lips. “Oh, I just remembered I wanted to ask you something... What are you doing this Thursday?”

You thought for a moment, trying to remember if you had any deadlines or meetings coming up.

“I have a few things I’d like to get a head start on... Why do you ask?”

“Well, you remember that charity I mentioned a while back?”

“Oh yeah, the fancy one. What about it?”

“I’d like you to come with me... As my date.”

“Hawks... I don’t think you can bring a subordinate to something like this and didn’t you say it was private?”

“Well, yes, but if I want to bring you, who’s going to stop me?” he grinned, squeezing your hand lightly.

“The commission?” you snorted.

“They won’t say anything, and besides, you’re my secretary, so...”

“Hawks... What happened to keeping things private? We agreed-“

You could feel the puppy dog eyes coming as you stood up and shouted, “No,” and walked away from him as he stood up and prepared to follow you.

So here you were, standing in front of a mirror in your room, admiring how perfectly your dress clung to your figure, the soft fabric lying so well against your skin.

You heard a soft knock on your room’s door. Taking a deep breath, you opened it only to see Hawks struggling to tie his tie properly. His eyes shot up quickly when he sensed you standing in front of him. He clenched his jaw and swallowed a huge lump that formed in his mouth.

“So, how do I look?”

“You look... Fucking gorgeous dove, wow,” he muttered, looking at you in awe.

You walked over to him and grabbed his tie as you ran your hands over the fabric of his suit.

“Hawks... My eyes are up here, stop staring,” you blurted out, finishing tying his tie and stepping away from him.

“Sorry,” he murmured, a red blush crossing his cheeks. He held out his hand to you and chirped. “Ready to go?”

You took his hand, intertwining your fingers with his and purring. “Always.”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Opening the door, you stepped into the most beautiful room you’ve ever been in; the floor was covered in black and white marble patterns which were playfully scattered about, with doric columns artfully carved into the four corners. A light mist swirled around the floor, and the air smelled of freshly picked mint. The ceiling was adorned with gold-like chandeliers, giving the room and its guests an aura of mystery. Hawks grabbed your hand and led you to the nearest table, trying to avoid being pushed away by other guests. He took a seat next to you without letting go of your hand and intertwined your fingers. The table was decorated with a single candle that perfectly matched the atmosphere of the room.

“I’ve never been in anything like this...” you whispered, letting your curious gaze wander. “It’s beautiful.”

“That it is.” Hawks mumbled, watching your eyes gleam in the candlelight.

You saw Miruko sitting alone on the other side of the room, typing something on her phone. You waved at her, trying to get her attention... before Hawks sent a small feather down to her and got her attention. Her worried expression quickly turned into her usual smile as she approached the two of you, grabbing a chair from another table and taking a seat across from you.

“I’m so glad you guys could make it. I was beginning to think I was going to be bored here all on my lonesome.” she looked at your dress admiringly. “Y/n wow, where did you get that?”

“Oh, I bought it online, it was on sale, so I thought I’d snag it.”

“You look stunning my dear... You’ll have the men wrapped around your finger in no time and Hawks... You’re wearing the same thing you wore last year.”

“I look good in it,” he argued.

“I don’t want to argue, but sometimes it’s good to have a little variety. Anyway, Y/n dear, this is a good opportunity to find someone for you, I hear these people are loaded.”

“Oh... I’m not really looking for anyone right now...”

“Really, girl? How about that one?” She pointed to a man standing by one of the columns with a group of people by his side. “Jacob Francis, I heard he just divorced his wife...”

“Yeah, I can see why that mustache really isn’t doing it for me.” Hawks interrupted her with an exaggerated sigh. “Next.”

“Nathaniel Cornelius, he’s obsessed with art and is fluent in French, Latin, and Mandarin.”

“He looks like he could be her grandfather, and that haircut is just a tragedy in itself.”

“Do I...”

Miruko interrupted you unintentionally, pointing to another man in the crowd. “What about him? Jonathan Bacon has-“

“Now that’s a good last name. Y/n Bacon, it has a nice ring to it, I approve.” Hawks smirked.

“I hate you both,” you groaned, banging your head lightly against the table. “Can we talk about something else? I already have someone in mind anyway...” You squeezed Hawk’s hand, which was still intertwined with yours. Hawk’s teasing smirk was quickly replaced by a gentle smile as he nodded slightly at you and began to change the subject.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

The charity event was very successful as people donated more than they should have, some out of a good heart, others wanting to go home as quickly as they had come. The president of the charity finally finished their speech and people were all moving towards the exit. The line was moving very slowly, so the three of you decided to wait.

“We should get together more often. Thank you for making this fun.” Miruko flashed a wide smile and stood up from her chair.

“Yeah, you owe us a drink… for last time.”

“Last time?” she looked at you confused.

Hawks stood up quickly, grabbed your hand, and babbled away. “Oh, look there. I think I see an opening we’d better get going now. Come on, Y/n.”

“Wait—bye, Miruko.” you waved as Hawks began to tug you away.

You both approached the line, moving slowly with it, letting people through before you remembered something.

“Hey, I kinda need to go to the bathroom real quick. Wait for me?”

Hawks gave you a curt nod, moving away from the swarm and deciding to wait near the exit.

You saw the restroom sign on the other side of the room and headed there, pushing the heavy door open and letting it slam shut behind you.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

After washing your hands, you spotted a woman through the bathroom mirror, leaning against the exit door, watching you. You tried not to stare at her too much, but you couldn’t quite shake off the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

“Hello miss Y/n L/n.” she greeted, breaking the suffocating silence.

“Hello... Did you want something?” you asked, turning around.

“I came here to have a little chat.”

Her clothes were strange, they weren’t the typical fancy clothes you saw people wearing; she was dressed all in black, a hood resting on her shoulders.

“A chat about what... And who are you?”

“No one you need to worry about, my dear... At least for the moment. You see, Hawks has been… shall we say… distracted lately and I’ve been sent to find and neutralize the cause.” She reached into her jacket and pulled out a few scraps of paper and tossed them to you, they were all tied together with a black hair tie, you looked at them as your stomach turned, it was you and Hawks, that Friday night at the bar, flying back from work and more. “And it seems like I found what I was looking for.”

You looked up from the photos and spotted a sheathed gun at her side.

“You’re going to kill me?” you asked, trying to calm down your stutter.

She held the gun in her right hand as she approached you and stopped halfway. “I have a little proposition for you…”

You fell silent as she continued. “You have to understand that times are tough for the commission. We can’t afford to lose a single agent,” she sighed and put the guy back in her pocket. “Do you know why relationships are forbidden in the commission?”

“No...”

“Well, let me paint you a little picture, for example, if Hawks had to choose between the life of the woman he loves and a random civilian which one do you think he’d choose?”

“He wouldn’t...”

“You are a distraction he can’t allow himself to have, he chose this life when he decided to become an agent for the Commission... If you truly care for him, you will leave him be, let him do what he was trained to do.”

She backed away slowly and went back to the door.

“What would happen to an agent if he decided to leave the commission?”

“Believe me, you don’t want to know... Now consider our little talk, your two weeks notice, you’re fired. “

She pushed the door open before turning back to you and muttering. “And let’s keep this little conversation between us, shall we? Have a nice rest of your day, I hope we won’t meet again.”

When the door finally closed, your shaky legs began to give out, and you propped yourself up on the bathroom sink, covering your face with one hand, trying to steady your breathing and stop your body from shaking.

A soft knock made you startle and look anxiously at the door, expecting the women to come back and finish the job.

“Dove, are you okay? You’ve been in there for thirty minutes, there’s no one left, everyone’s gone home already.”

You let out the air you forgot you were holding and turned on the water, splashing some on your face, drying it with some paper towels, deciding not to worry Hawks any further. Remembering what the women had said, you decided to silence the little voice in your head that was just begging to tell him what had happened. As you pushed open the door, you saw a very concerned Hawks standing right next to it.

“Hey... There you are, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Do you think you can drop me off at my place?” you muttered, walking past him and heading for the exit.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

He decided not to bother you during the drive, but to take you back to his apartment, even though you asked him not to. He led you back to his apartment, unlocked it, and pulled you inside. He let you lean against him while you took off your shoes. The wine you drank before began to ease your mind.

“My poor feet.” you pouted, slowly taking them off.

Hawks chuckled, glad you were feeling a little better. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, it was quite nice, thanks for inviting me...”

“I’m glad you did.”

“What about you?” you ask him, kicking your shoes aside and walking towards the kitchen.

“Yeah, your company made the evening much more lively.”

Hawks followed close behind you as you opened the fridge to get some cold water. Hawks leaned against one of the kitchen counters, watching your every move. My goodness, you looked so hot, so dolled up for him.

“Hawks, you want some?”

“Sorry, what?”

You handed him a cold bottle. “You look very out of it... Is something wrong?”

“Oh, no, nothing’s wrong.”

You looked at Hawks, who was playing with the bottle in his hands, and the agent’s words repeated in your head, mentally suffocating you.

For example, if Hawks had to choose between the life of the woman he loved and a random civilian, which one do you think he would choose?

He caught your gaze, putting the bottle aside, and stepped closer to you, pressing you against the fridge.

“What are you-“

He pressed his lips against yours, forcing your mouth open with his tongue and pushing it in. He pressed you against the cold fridge, as you accidentally dropped your bottle.

He pulled away, panting, his eyes blazing, something animalistic shining behind his gaze.

“I want you... Tell me you want me too,” he breathed into your neck.

Don’t.

Pull away.

Tell him what happened.

Don’t give in to it.

“I want you too...”

He crashed his lips into yours, smiling against them, letting himself get lost in your scent.

You pulled away, gasping for air, and whispered. “Wow... That was... But we should....” as he cuts you off with another hard kiss. Stopping it right afterwards, he brings both of your hands up, locking his fingers with yours, pinning you up against the fridge.

He leans his forehead against yours and you see the passion burning in his eyes as he starts to move your arms above your head. He looks into your eyes as he places your hands above your head and growls.

“I’m going to undo your dress, pull it down, and eat you out until you have a waterfall streaming down your thighs. Then I’m going to turn you around and fuck you against the counter until you scream.”

You stiffen slightly before he kisses you, passionately, deeply, as he presses himself tightly against you, gripping both of your wrists in one of his hands.

His free hand runs down your body. Stopping to somewhat roughly grasp your breast. He moans into your mouth in satisfaction as he gropes, rubbing your stiff nipple through the layers of fabric. He nibbles on your bottom lip, his hand quickly works its way to your back, slowly unzipping your dress. Moving his mouth from yours, he nibbles along the nape of your neck.

You take a sharp inhale as he briefly kisses your earlobe. He releases your hands and moves his free hand to your other breast. Squeezing, teasing, rubbing, making sure your hard nipple feels every touch.

Finally, he unzips your dress and gently slides it off of you. His hand slides down the front of your panties and between your legs. He can feel how hot and wet you are already as his hand moves along your burning sex.

He whispers breathlessly in your ear, “God, I love how wet you are...” as his cock swells and begins to twitch at the feel of your cloth covered pussy in his hand.

He kisses along your jaw and cheek, moving his lips back to yours. Kissing you widely as your mouth opens to meet his. His tongue slides against yours in an increasingly wild and passionate kiss. His hand travels back up the front of your panties as his other hand continues to toy and grope your clothed breasts. His cock twitches again as he concentrates on how wonderful your breast feels in his hand. He groans into your mouth as he thinks about how their size fits perfectly in his hand, how firm they feel, how much he loves kissing them, nibbling on them...

He bites the back of your neck, wraps his arms around your back, unclasps your bra, and slips it off, revealing your boobs. You feel his lips kissing over your collarbone, down your chest, and softly pressing against your bare nipples. His warm, wet tongue touches your nipple, making your body tremble as he sucks and slides his hand down your body.

His hand reaches for the top of your panties and quickly slides underneath. He rubs his fingers through the curls of your lips, then quickly moves to once again cup your hot pussy in his hand. After a full palm feel, he starts to move a finger through your lips. He can feel the hard nub of your clit under his finger as its tip circles your warm, slick entrance.

Your breath deepens and he can feel you stiffen slightly in anticipation as he briefly teases your throbbing entrance.

“Holy fuck, you’re wet,” he breathes into your mouth.

All you can do is moan in response as his finger penetrates your tight and dripping cunt. He fingers you briskly, moving his finger strongly into you, making you quiver and jerk at the sudden invasion.

“Hawks...”

After a few long and deep rubs of his finger through your tunnel, he pulls his hand from your sex and panties. A quick pout crosses your face until he takes both hands to push your panties from your hips and down your legs. Grabbing your now naked hips in his hands, he pushes you hard against the cold fridge door. His kiss is demanding and powerful as he presses himself against you.

Pulling back, he doesn’t give you a chance to speak before he crouches down and buries his face between your legs. With one hand, he grips your hip, holding you in place as he starts to explore your lower lips with his, pushing your ass against the cold steel door. With his other hand, he finishes pushing your panties down to your ankles.

You try to spread your legs wider to give him better access as he presses his lips against your clit and runs his tongue through your slit. He greedily laps up the tasty liquid dripping from you.

Your hands go to his head, your fingers running through his messy blond hair, as you try to pull his head tighter to your hot, wet pussy. He runs his hand up your legs, caressing your calves before it makes its way up to your inner thigh where it joins his tongue, working you over. His finger meets little resistance as it slides quickly again into your burning core.

You sigh while he licks up and down either side of your clit; holding his finger still, but deep inside you. He teases your clit, letting his tongue work to either side of it but never directly on it. He can tell you’re getting frustrated to feel more as you hunch slightly against his mouth, digging your hand harder into his hair, and pulling him more urgently against you.

Hearing the frustration in your moans, he starts to pump his finger in and out in rhythm with his tongue, pulling even more of your delicious wetness from you. The wet sounds of his tongue around your clit and his fingers inside you add fuel to his passion as he presses your hip more forcefully back against the metal behind you.

As his finger pulls back one more time, he looks up at you with a smirk on his face before pushing two of his fingers instead of one. You jerk slightly and moan again at the sudden extra girth stretching you. “Holy fuck, I love how tight you feel around my fingers,” he mumbles, as he gives you a moment to adjust before continuing his assault.

He starts sawing his fingers in and out of you as he sucks your clit into his mouth. He doesn’t let up as you drip down his chin and your thighs. He can feel your legs shake, your fingers dig into the back of his head and he notices you grabbing at your nipples with your other hand. Seeing you pull on your nipples through your top makes his cock jump again.

He doesn’t let up as he senses the tension building in your body. His fingers slide inside you as he flicks his tongue against your clit. You start to shake and moan loudly. One final deep stroke inside you and he can feel you flutter against him as an extra gush of your sweet cum spills out of you. You push his head against you as you hunch and grind against his mouth, as you ride out your orgasm against his fingers and mouth.

Your breathing is quick as he pulls his fingers from you. He can see the moisture running down your thighs. He licks off your juices as he stands in front of you. Your hair is a little wild and there’s lust in your eyes as he runs his hands gently up your sides.

“I love you,” he says as he leans in and kisses you quickly, but deeply. “But I’m not done with you yet.”

He pulls you from the fridge door and turns you towards the countertop. You take the opportunity to step out of your panties; he embraces you from behind as you lean over the counter, pressing your naked ass against him. He steps back to undo his pants, spanking your ass cheek as he removes his clothing.

He caresses your ass as his cock is freed. He begins to grind up behind you and leans over to whisper in your ear, “Dove… let me show you exactly what you do to me.”

He grabs hold of your side as he rubs his rock-hard cock against you, rubbing it along your pussy lips as he teases you.

“Stop teasing me and fuck me already...” you almost whine.

He reaches around you, cupping both of your breasts in his hand as you push back against his cock pressed against you. He spends a few moments rubbing your breasts, his hands departing with a rub, pinch, and pull off your nipples.

“Careful, they’re sent-”

You groaned as you were filled with hot, throbbing cock. Hawks grunted, the sudden wet tightness enveloping his cock sending jolts of pleasure throughout his body. You both stood still for a moment, breathing short breaths, steadying yourselves.

Neither one of you moved for what seemed like an eternity, enjoying the sensation. Then, as if on cue, you both began separating slowly. Your wet lips dragging on his cock, as if it was trying to keep it from leaving. As the head of his cock was nearing the complete exit, he stopped and began making short strokes, only letting the head sink in, then quickly pulling it back out, teasing you while you were shuddering and jerking from pleasure and frustration.

“Please, Hawks...” you begged, “Just-”

“Are you sure that is what you want?” he asked with a sly smile, “I don’t know,” he thrust his cock causing you to jerk and moan, “If you really,” another hard thrust causing the same reaction, “want it as bad as you say you do.”

“I fucking need your cock buried deep inside me, Hawks, please...” you whimpered, trying to impale yourself on his cock, but his arms were holding you too strongly for you to gain any penetration. Through gritted teeth, you moaned loudly as he finally slammed himself as far as he could, filling you back up, fitting you perfectly, as if your body was made just for him.

He then pulled both your arms behind your back, restraining you and slightly bending you over the counter. He then slowly pulled himself out till just the tip of the head rested between your lips, and quickly slammed his length completely in, picking up speed and force, causing your ass to jiggle, sending little vibrations to your clit, making you moan harder and harder as he fucked you with reckless abandon.

“Hawks, don’t stop…” You cried as you felt the first waves of an orgasm building up, stronger and stronger. Hawks face suddenly turned into a teasing smirk as he quickly pulled out, leaving you empty and an aching mess.

He moved between your slick lips and began rubbing the head up and down, swirling it around, coating it with your juices. You mewled and bucked, trying to get his cock back to relieve your feeling of emptiness. You began reaching a hand down to guide it, which he quickly grabbed with his strong hand and forced against the counter next to you. You whined in frustration, wriggling your body all around, which just made his cock head grind more and more on your clit, giving you jolts of pleasure, but not fulfilling the fullness you desired.

“P—please Hawks, I—mmmm. I need you insi—I need you inside me…” you begged.

You fought to free your arms, trying to wiggle your wrists out of his grip, but Hawks held them too strongly for you to accomplish that.

“You look so pretty like this… all spread out for me.” He whispered, nibbling all over your neck and ears.

“Tell me who you belong to, dove, and I might let you cum.” He looked into your eyes, burning with lust, his full of animalistic desire.

“You, only you, please…” you felt your body twitching as you begged.

Hawks pulled his hips back, the head of his cock sliding down your lips until it was lined up with your awaiting hole. He tightened his grip on your hands and without warning, he slowly slid himself deep inside of you, stopping for nothing.

”Who do you belong to?”

You hissed at the question, wrapping your legs around him, your body finally getting the relief of being penetrated it so desired.

“Hawks, I bel—belong to Hawks,” you screamed as he pumped slowly and methodically, keeping a slow, even rhythm that teased while still providing relief that your body still burned for.

As he continued his steady actions, you felt a familiar stirring in his balls, the sensation that all his built up tension would be released. He slowly began building his speed, an action that your body and mind could interpret in only one way. “Then cum for me and scream my name so all the… neighbors can hear who owns this cunt,” he said between heavy breaths.

He rewarded you with increasing speed and grunts, matching your moans, each slap of your bodies filling the room.

With a final pump that left him holding himself as deep as he could, Hawks let out a loud groan of relief as he felt his balls tighten, releasing spurt after spurt of his cum inside your sloppy pussy. The thought and sensation of his cum hitting your throbbing walls, sending your body into a shaking climax, indicated with a moan that sounded like a painful pleasure.  

“Haw-”

He cuts you off as he begins to pound into you again, grabbing you by your hips to help slam you back onto his cock with every stroke.

He grips your hair and pulls your head back; arching your back when he does.

Your volume goes up a notch as he releases your hip to smack your ass as his cock continues to slam into your tight cunt.

“Fuck-”

You can only manage a groaning response, and he feels you tremble and gush around his cock. He grips down on your hip, pulling you hard and fast against him as he picks up his pace.

You’re almost still as you brace yourself stiffly against the counter, his fingers wrapped in your hair, as he continues to push and pull you back and forth against his cock. He pulls your head back a fraction of an inch more before releasing your head. You lower yourself down slightly on your forearms as he slaps his free hand against your ass to punctuate each of his thrusts; pushing sharp, almost shouting sighs from you.

“Give me one more birdie, I know you can do it.”

Your response melts into a quiet groan, your breath comes sharp and quick.

A few more thrusts and you start to shout, the pitch rising and falling with his thrusts.

You rise to your tiptoes, legs shaking, as your second orgasm ripples through you; your voice rising to a warbling scream as he barrels towards his own orgasm. He pulls you roughly one last time onto his cock and bottoms out in your sopping, twitching cunt. He bellows as he erupts inside you; grunting and his cock twitching with each shot of cum he pumps into you.

As you both start to come down from your orgasmic peaks. He runs his hands up your body and leans over you. He covers both your hands with his and grasps them tightly as he wraps himself around your sweat covered back; his twitching hard cock still buried inside you, your cum running down your thighs.

“I love you.” he exhales, catching his breath.

Don’t say it…

Don’t do it…

“I love you too.” you stutter out.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

The endless shuffling back and forth had finally driven you mad as you carefully disengaged yourself from Hawk’s soft embrace and sat up on the bed. He was out of like a light, exhausted from the eventful night the two of you had. You grabbed the water bottle from the nightstand, opening it and letting warm water run down your sore throat. You got up from your bedside and walked over to the balcony. You quietly opened the door and stepped outside, feeling the cold air on your bare skin. The sun had begun to rise from the horizon, slowly painting the morning sky. Your body felt tired, but your mind could not find rest.

Love is a weakness in this profession.

Stop it, for both your sakes.

You’re a distraction.

For example, if Hawks had to choose between the lives of the women he loves and a random civilian which one do you think he’d choose?

I love you...

Suddenly you felt two soft hands wrap around your sides as Hawks began to caress your bruised neck with soft, feathery kisses before you turned to look at him.

“Can’t sleep?” he cooed.

“Yeah, I’m just thinking...”

He gently brushed a strand of hair from your face as he stroked your cheek with his hand.

“About what?”

“I don’t know,” you murmured, letting your face rest in his palm and looking up at his soft eyes.

“I think I know what that look is... This wasn’t a mistake, all right?”

“Hawks...”

“I didn’t do this on a whim, I didn’t do this just because I felt like getting laid. I don’t think you did either.”

You gave him half a smile before pressing yourself against his chest.

“I got a smile.” He wrapped his arms around you and ran his hand up and down your back.

“I love you… I know it’s probably too early to say it, but I do…” he cooed softly. And I hope you’re okay with this too... I hope you think this is right,” he purred softly, stroking your shoulders. “You’re not going to hate me if I don’t let go of you all day tomorrow will you? Because that might happen.”

He felt you shake your head against his chest.

“Good... Let’s go back to bed.” he sighed softly and led you back to the room.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

The whole week had been torture, after that night your thoughts were quickly replaced by fear and doubt. You stopped coming to Hawk’s house, forgetting all about the items you had left there. You started sending the details of his meetings through emails. You ignored his sweet messages and calls and you could tell he was getting tired of your little charade, but somehow he still managed to respect your boundaries. The only thing he did was leave you a coffee in the morning and a little note wishing you a good day.

Unfortunately, you had to work late today to finish Endeavor’s assignment. His newest intern had messed up a lot of important information, so you decided to help out, you didn’t know why, maybe because you felt sorry for the poor intern, or maybe you were just trying to drown yourself in work as best you could.

As you checked the time on your computer, you sighed, trying to calm your rising anxiety. At the rate you were working, you were bound to miss the deadline. You couldn’t ask anyone for help, nor could you just give up, and even if you could ask him, he was on patrol tonight and wouldn’t be back for another hour or so, you thought, soft hands that suddenly wrapped themselves around you from behind proved you wrong.

“Good evening, dove... Still working, I see?”

You hummed in reply, your tense shoulders relaxing in his soft embrace.

“What are you working on?”

“Endeavors intern messed up a few things, and I’m in the process of fixing them.”

“Helping the old man, that’s really nice of you... When’s the deadline?”

“In two hours,” you replied, rubbing your tired eyelids.

“Shit...” he trailed off and looked at your work before walking into his office and returning with his laptop in hand. He placed the laptop on your desk before grabbing the closest chair he could find and dragging it over to your desk.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to help you... Let’s split the work, I’ll fix one half and you fix the other,” he suggested, turning on his laptop.

“I don’t think you’re qualified to-“

“I am. I deal with reports like this all the time, and it will be faster,” he insisted.

“Hawks-“

“I promise I won’t screw it up, just... Let me help you, all right?”

You sighed and hesitantly opened your email account, sending him half the reports. When he saw that you had sent them, his wings fluttered joyfully a little as he tried to control his quiet smile. The two of you sat in silence, working for an hour and a half before you finally finished.

“Okay, I’m done with my half, how’s yours?” you asked, making sure you had it saved before stretching your aching muscles.

“Yeah, I already sent them to you.”

“Really?” you muttered, checking your emails and discovering the one he had sent you.

“Well, thanks for helping me...”

The two of you sat in silence as you checked the piece he had sent you before Hawks gently nudged his hand towards yours.

“I’ve missed you, dove,” he cooed softly, stroking your knuckles with his thumb.

Don’t say it…

Don’t give in…

End it….

“I’ve missed you, too.”

Hawk’s wings fluttered happily as he gently cupped your face and made you turn to face him.

“Well... Maybe when you’re done, we could go get takeout and go back to my placer?”

You watched as his head slowly tilted as he carefully leaned forward, as if not wanting to scare you off, and pressed his lips against yours. Your hand slowly released the mouse as you brought it to his neck, wrapping it around him, deepening the kiss. You squeezed his hand tighter, trying to burn the feeling of him into your memory.

“Dinner needs to happen soon... Let’s finish this as quickly as possible,” he murmured against your lips as he pulled back.

“This can’t work...” you uttered, the agent’s words rattling around in your head.

“You mean dinner? Did you have something planned already? I’m sorry, I should have asked sooner.” He babbled on nervously.

“No, that—this our relationship can’t work.” you hesitated, pulling back and letting go of his hand.

Hawks froze, his eyes widening as he looked at you. “What do you mean it can’t work...” he thought for a moment. “Is it because you’re my secretary?”

“Yeah, that’s half of it...” you sighed. “I just... I don’t think we’re good for each other… we don’t click.” You gave him a small smile and ran your fingers over his cheek.

“We’re good together, so good. The last few weeks have been so indescribably amazing. Why would we let our jobs get in the way of that?”

He was silent for a moment, taking your hand that was gently stroking his skin, squeezing it tightly, and looking into your eyes with full determination.

“I’ll quit my job if I have to. If they need one of us to go, I’ll go.”

“No, no, you can’t do that, the commission is-“

“Yes, I know the commission is important, but not enough to just throw something like this away... I love you, dove... And I’ve been with other people, but none of those relationships felt the way this one does. This kind of easy connection makes me think that we could really go the distance... Am I the only one that feels it?”

Don’t say it…

End it...

“No, of course not...”

“You feel it too, so why do this to us? Who gives a flying fuck what the commission will think.”

You let your gaze fall to the floor…

“Dove... why the change of heart? Did I do something? Or is this all so you can try to save my job, because if so, I assure you I’m old enough and smart enough to deal with the consequences, and I know the risks I’d take to be with you... It’s worth the risk.”

You don’t…

“I just don’t want to keep you from your work or lose it, you know commissions rules...” you hesitate.

“Please... Could you let me worry about my job security? I swear to you, I could find someone else who would hire me in a heartbeat, it wouldn’t even take long, and then... you could be my girlfriend and I could be your boyfriend. We could be part of each other’s lives, and that’s way more important to me than any job.”

“Hawks… you’re not listening, it’s not that simple...”

“Please... Dove... Please... Reconsider?”

Yes...

“No… no it’s over, we’re through...” you muttered, pulling back.

“Is that... Is that your final answer?” Hawks stared at you, his pleading eyes begging for another answer.

“Yes, it is, I’m sorry.”

No...

“You’re keeping us apart so I can continue to be some stupid commission agent?” he scoffed, growing irritated.

You fell silent, avoiding his intense gaze as you stared at the screen in front of you.

“If you insist... Then I’ll get going. I’m sure my half will work with everything we’ve written together, so feel free to use it. It was very nice of you to do this, and I hope Endeavor will appreciate it...”

Don’t go…

Please...

He got up from the chair, and grabbed his jacket, and threw it over his shoulder. It wasn’t until he was finally in the elevator that he looked back at you and muttered.

“Have a good night dove, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You won’t..

[thescreamingraven]

Promise 3

Dabi x reader

Genre/warnings: Fluff and angst, mentions of injury, swearing.

Words: 7 510

Summary:  Trying to fix what’s broken is not always easy.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Hey, hey, so sorry this took so long I had a bit of a writers block but here it is, I’m thinking of doing part four soon. I think this turned out pretty well tho.

≿————-　❈　————-≾I

It was already quite dark  outside, bright street lights added to the scenery as small snowflakes began to slowly decorate the sidewalks. Inside the cozy home, the smell of deliciously cooked food still lingered. It would’ve been a peaceful night if it weren’t for your loudly pouting son, who refused to listen to you.

  “Enji told me I’m strong enough to come…” your son pestered you.

  You put back one plate in the sink, looking down at the boy in front of you if you could call him that… he was soon going to be fourteen and in agreement with Endeavor will be starting U.A in only a couple of weeks. He was so eager to get into action that he wouldn’t stop pestering about letting him start patrols early.

You saw Hawks walking out of the bathroom with his hero suit on.

  “Give the kid a chance Y/n, it’s not like he will be doing it alone.” he chirped.

  “See, even Hawks agrees with me.”

  You crossed your arms, and leaned on the kitchen counter, giving Hawks a death stare, which he tried to soften up with his casual smirk.

  “It could be an early birthday present?” Your son suggested.

  You sighed and let your hands fall in defeat, his puppy eyes taking a toll on you.

“Be back by midnight or you’re grounded.”

  You could see his face light up with joy as he gave you the tightest hug imaginable.

You gave him an encouraging smile, before gesturing him to go get ready, as he was rushing to his room you shouted. “Don’t forget your jacket angel, it’s quite chilly tonight.”

  “He’s grown up so fast…” Hawks walked closer to you and leaned on the counter.

  “That he did…” you smiled before looking back at him. “Are you sure it’s safe? Criminal activity has skyrocketed recently and-”

  “He’ll be fine, we won’t let anything happen to him… promise.” He gave your hand a light squeeze.

  You both stayed silent for a moment before Hawks spoke yet again.

  “So… when are we going to tell him?”

  Your smile slowly faded away as you slipped your hand away from Hawks.

  “Soon…”

  “You’ve been saying that for almost 5 months now-”

  Hawks was interrupted by an opening door from your son’s room as he quickly rushed back to the kitchen.

“Sorry to keep you waiting Hawks, you ready to go?”

  Hawks concerned look was replaced by his usual wit and charm as he yammered.

  “Always ready for you, kid.” He turned back to you. “We’re heading out.”

  You nodded, saying a quick goodbye and getting back to the dishes you were doing.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  Hawks quietly closed the front door and caught up to S/n, who was casually standing near the sidewalk. “Ready to fight crime?” Hawks asked as he approached him.

  “Hell yeah I am, I still can’t believe she allowed me to go.”

  “Your mom’s just worried about you, kid.”

  “I know, but she can be a bit overbearing sometimes… I’m not five years old anymore, I can fight now…”

  “It’s better to have that kind of parent than none at all.” Hawks murmured.

  “I know.”

  “Anyway… ready to go?”

  “Hell yeah.” your son grinned.

  “I like your enthusiasm, kid.”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  It’s been fourteen years since that day….

    You were sitting on a nearby chair near the receptionist, patiently waiting for Endeavor to arrive with your daughter. You thought about your conversation with Dabi and silently prayed that he would only make the right choice. Your thoughts were interrupted by your daughter’s excited screams as she dragged the tall figure across the hall.

She let go of Endeavor’s hand when she saw you and leaped into your arms with a huge grin on her face.

  “Mommy, daddy’s not asleep anymore.”

  You gently brushed strands of hair from her face, softly purring.“I know angel… and he can’t wait to see you.”

  You looked up at Endeavor.

“Will you-”

  “I think I’d be better if I stayed back for a bit…. I don’t want Tou—Dabi to get the wrong idea.”

  You gave him a nod, setting your daughter down on the ground, taking her hand in yours as you took a deep breath before opening the door. Your eyes wandered to the bed Dabi was lying in moments ago, but yet you found nothing.

Your daughter stood there confused, tugging on your hand and asking for her father.

Endeavor saw the way you froze and came to investigate, when he saw the bed empty he called the nurses to ask if they��d seen him leave. But you assured him you were sitting near the door the whole time and didn’t see him leave, the window wasn’t open either.

You walked over to the nearby stand and found a brief note with only two words on it.

  I’m sorry.

Ever since that day, your daughter changed. She became closed off and cold, whenever you tried talking about her father you were met with silence until one day you mentioned his name, and she responded with a shocking answer.

  “Dabi… who’s that?”

  The doctors said it was something called dissociative amnesia, and that’s why she couldn’t remember her father, her brain blocked him out, it being a traumatic event. You were scared that she may forget everything else, but the doctor quickly calmed you down.

After her amnesia started she became her old self again, the same warm, hopeful person you once knew. She never asked for her father’s whereabouts, she just enjoyed life, spending the days with Endeavor, completely forgetting about her father's quirk.

Endeavor had suggested for her to become a hero like him, but your daughter just brushed it off. Instead, your daughter left the country  to follow her dreams, she got into a good college and made her own life… she even met someone special...

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  After you had your son, life became a bit more complicated, him being born with your quirk and having the number one pro hero as his grandfather really boosted his confidence; he began to train in secret when he was only seven years old, but it didn’t stay hidden for long. At first, you were a bit skeptical about the thought of him becoming a hero... but when you saw how your son’s face lit up when Endeavor suggested training him, well how could you say no?

  Your son hated Dabi, ever since he first saw one of his victims appear on the news he vowed to himself to at least destroy him if not all villains.

So when he asked about his dad…it got a little awkward, you would brush it off saying you’d explain it to him when he’s older. After a few years, he just gave up accepting the fact that he didn’t have a father… well, not a biological one.

  Ever since Dabi left, Hawks stayed glued to your side like a magnet, attending to your every need and satisfying your every craving. He even took some time off work, of the last few weeks of your pregnancy, whenever you would ask him about his generosity he would just brush it off with “I guess it’s my bird instincts” But you knew it was something deeper than that, he never had a normal family before maybe this was his way of establishing one.

When your son was born, Hawks didn’t leave his side, you didn’t know why he did what he did, taking the father role in his life as he did, he was there when he said his first words and took his first steps. He used to get up in the night to feed him and babysat him while you worked. While his actual father was doing god knows what... you tried calling him and texting him several times yet to no avail. Endeavor suggested to go out and find him, yet you declined the offer. If a villain is what he wanted to be, then so be it.

  You were furious at him for being such a stubborn person that he was, if only he would’ve stayed and actually solved the problems together rather than taking them on himself… maybe things would’ve been different...

Your thoughts were interrupted by a notification from your phone, you stood up from the couch and walked over to it and were met by a concerning message from Hawks.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  Hawks and S/n were walking through an empty valley, dim street lights barely lighting up their path.

“So… this is patrolling, huh.”

  “You don’t sound very excited, what... is this too boring for you?” Hawks leered.

  “I just thought there would be more action is all.”

  “The league has been really quiet recently, they’re probably planning something big.” Hawks stated before he caught a glimpse of curiosity from the boy beside him. “Don’t look at me like that…if your mother learned that I put you in danger in any way, she would make me a flightless chicken with that death stare of hers.”

  “You’re such a sap, ya know.” S/n chuckled.

  “Sorry?”

  “Y/n this, Y/n that… just go kiss her already.”

  “I don’t think you understand how relationships work.” Hawks scratched his head nervously.

  “You’ve been doing this for years, Hawky it’s time to make a move.”

  Hawks coughed, speeding up his pace, trying to hide the embarrassment so clearly written all over his face.

  “Is it because of him?” S/n wondered, catching up.

  “Him?”

  “My dear old dad… you shouldn’t be discouraged, he’s probably dead, anyway.”

  “Wh—why do you think so?”

  “Well, I assume since neither one of you are telling me about him.”

  “He’s—it’s complicated-”

  “And we’ll tell you when you’re older, right, right. I know the poem.” S/n mocked.

  “But isn’t it the perfect reason to confess soon? If the guy is still alive, who knows she might get back with him… so you should make a move while she’s still single.”

  “Ya know, when I thought about what I’d be doing with my life, I certainly did not imagine getting dating advice from a kid. Have you ever even seen a girl?” Hawks teased.

  “Of course I have, you ass…”

  Both of them walked in silence for a while, before S/n mumbled. “I think you’d make her really happy… and I-” Hawks saw the way S/n hesitated before continuing. “I wouldn’t mind having you for a father.” he quickly added.

“If you tell anyone I said that I’ll make sure you suffer a worse fate than being a flightless chicken.”

  “Kid I-”

  Hawks stopped himself from speaking any further when he heard a noise coming from behind them. He turned around shushing S/n and trying to listen in to the noise, which now became clearer...

At least 10 figures appeared from the shadow covered corners surrounding the two of them.

Hawks stepped closer to S/n, pulling him against himself, and mumbled.

“Stay close kid.”

  The pursuiters stayed quiet, letting out a few maniacal laughs.

  “Why are we not attacking?” S/n whispered, his question being ignored by the hero as he scanned the situation thoroughly.

  Suddenly another shadowy figure appeared, yet this one was a bit taller and muscular than the others.

  “Well, colour me impressed, here I thought you were dead already.” Hawks remarked as the figure slowly stepped into the light.

S/n froze upon seeing the scared men clearer, he looked even more monstrous in person.

  “The league wants to have a word,” Dabi spoke, looking at Hawks who was trying to keep S/n from his piercing eyes.

“They always do, sadly I don’t have time for a tea party at the moment… how does next Tuesday sound?”

  Dabi only rolled his eyes and gestured to the goons. “Get the bird, I don’t care what you do with the kid.”

  The ten figures let out several chuckles before slowly beginning to walk closer.

“It seems it’s your lucky day, kid. I’ll take the right side and you take the left.”

  “This will be fun.” S/n grinned.

  It all happened very quickly, the five figures on the left attacked S/n. He could tell they were inexperienced, so it didn’t take that long for him to defeat them, yet Hawks had a more tough time fighting, trying to dodge Dabis attacks which were thrown randomly for his amusement, no less.

Yet he wasn’t careful enough, one single slip up, caused Hawks to lose balance as he tripped and landed near S/n. He tried to get up again, but his muscles weren’t complying. He looked back up to Dabi who’s blue fire seemed to get uncomfortably closer by the second. He closed his eyes, shielding himself with his wings for the upcoming attack…. And yet nothing came, he quickly let his wings fall onto the ground and saw S/n standing before him with his arm raised, fresh steam coming from it, his hand burnt, now purplish and Dabi standing there frozen.

Dabi let his flames dive down, slowly walking forwards.

  “You’re-” S/n mumbling was interrupted by sharp, throbbing in his hand, he fell to the ground screaming in pain as Hawks rushed to his side.

Endeavor must have heard the commotion as S/n could hear his voice in the distance yelling something he couldn’t comprehend. He saw Dabis eyes hesitate before he slowly backed away, back into the shadows he came from; he saw Hawks who was shouting for Endeavor to hurry and restrain the remaining goons and he slowly fell into darkness.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  The two heroes quietly sat in the waiting room, anxiously looking at the staff that were passing by, before a familiar voice casually spoke. “He’ll be fine mister Endeavor, whatever caused his hand to burn up like that did some serious damage but with some stitches, we were able to fix it.”

“Thank you, doc we appreciate it.” Hawks sighed. “Could we… see him now?”

  The doctor gave them a quick nod before walking away, both of them followed close behind as Hawks tried to calm down his shaking heart.

They walked over to one of the rooms on the right wing before the doctors opened the door.

  “He should be awake soon, and whatever you have the time, there are some forms that I need you to sign.”

  “That’s fine, just give us a minute?” Hawks asked, walking over to the boy’s side.

  The doctor mumbled something under their breath before walking out.

Hawks scanned the boy’s hand, which was now heavily bandaged. “Y/n is going to kill us.” he looked back at Endeavor. “Did you call her already?”

  “No… not yet.”

  “Good, let’s… just wait a little while longer…”

  Both were quiet for a moment before Hawks mustered up the courage to ask.“Do you think he knows…?”

  “I’m sure he does, it isn’t that difficult to figure it out.”

  “So what do we do about him ? If he tells the league-”

  “He won’t, you and I both know that.” Endeavor cut him off.

  “We don't, he isn’t a very predictable person Enji and even if he doesn’t, those goons of his will. Didn’t you tell me one got away?”

  “Yeah… I’ll take care of it, in the meantime...I think we should postpone his U.A training…”

  Hawks looked down on S/n unconscious body remembering the endless tiring training sessions the two of them had.

“There has to be another way… he worked so hard for it, maybe we can take certain precautions-”

  “We’ll talk about this at home… I better go and tell Y/n,” Endeavor declared, pulling out his phone.

  “I’ll do it, you’re not exactly too subtle with words, you stay here.” Hawks stood up from his seat, pulling his phone out of his pocket, and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

  Endeavor sat there quietly, thoughts racing of what he should do, a thought of moving you two out even further away from the city flashed his mind, but he quickly shook it off. When he lifted his gaze from the ground he saw S/n laying awake, examining his hand.

“It’s good to have you back, son… how are you feeling?”

  “I’m fine… can we go home?” He asked with a gloomy sigh.

  “I don’t think that’s…”

  The door suddenly opened, revealing a slightly irritated Hawks, with the doctor following behind him.

“He’s all free to go if he wishes, just try to be careful with that hand of yours… it will sting for a while…”

  “Thank you, doc.” Hawks asserted. “What would we do without you?”

  “Do you seriously want me to answer that?”

  Hawks chuckled, walking over to S/n bed and giving him an apologetic smile.

“Ready to go home, champ?”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  You sat patiently waiting on the couch as the door finally opened and your son walked in holding his bandaged hand. You rushed to his side, pulling him into your arms, trying not to squeeze too hard. “S/n… are you okay? Does your hand hurt?”

  “How… how could you keep this away from me….” he mumbled, pulling back.

  “Kid-” Hawks tried putting a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

  “Don’t touch me, don’t you fucking touch me.” your son choked.

  “Angel...”

  “Shut up, you’re no better.” he snapped. “I need an honest answer and you’re going to give me one.”

  “Is he—Is that sociopath, murderous bastard, really my father?”

  You and Hawks looked at each other before murmuring “I… yes he is....look I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I just-”

“We didn’t want you to overreact,” Hawks added.

  “Oh… oh… you thought I would overreact? Yeah, okay, so instead of just straight up saying hey you have a sociopath for a father, you hide and keep it a secret from me. Well, you got your overreaction, I hope you’re happy, bursting with fucking joy no doubt.” S/n mocked.

“So for how long were you planning to keep this to your deary selves?”

  “We-”

  Endeavor finally decided to join in the conversation.

“As long as we had to… if the public found out--if the league found out you’d not be only putting all of us in danger but yourself as well. The league could use you as their trumpet card.”

  Your son stood silent for a minute, thinking if he should continue to stand his ground or walk away, he decided he needed to cool off first before continuing this conversation and walked away, shutting himself in his room with a loud slam.

“I need to go talk to him…”

  “No, what you need to do is give him some space… he’s confused and hurt, adding more fuel to the fire won’t make it go out faster.” Hawks reassured you, wrapping one of his arms around your waist and leading you into the kitchen.“Let’s sit down and I’ll make you some tea, alright? Enji do you want some?”

  “Can’t... I need to go to my agency, explain what happened and all.”

  “I… alright try not to take too long.”

  Endeavor only hummed before walking back to the entrance.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  “I’m sorry…” Hawks said with a sense of guilt.”I should’ve listened to you. I feel like such an asshole for convincing you to let me bring him along.”

  “You’re not the one to blame, I should have told him sooner.” you stammered.“What if he never forgives us… what will we do… I’m so scared Keigo… I-”

  He pulled another kitchen chair beside yours, wrapping his wings around and holding you close. “He will... just give the kid some time.”

  “How can you say that so confidently, look at Endeavor, and… he never forgave him.”

  “Different situation.” Hawks assured. “What’s the saying? Time heals all wounds.”

  You hugged him tighter and mumbled into his shoulder. “How did—how did he look?”

  Hawks sighed. “He hasn’t changed much… maybe a bit more scarred.”

  “I see… did he… you know...”

  “No, he didn’t say much.”

  “Why was he even there? You told me that area was secure.”

  “The league really wanted to have a word, whatever that means.”

  You pulled away from his warm comforting embrace and cupped his cheek

“I’m… I’m glad that you’re okay, you are okay, right?”

  “Yeah, a few cuts and bruises here and there but I’m fine… I should probably go clean up now that you mention it, don’t want them to get infected.”

  “I’ll help,” you muttered.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  When S/n slammed his door, he immediately fell against it. He sat there, his hands on his knees, staring at the mirror in front of him, his mind racing empty but at the same time full of thoughts.

He sat there for a long time, listening in on your conversation with Hawks. He sighed, finally getting up, and walked up to the mirror. Standing there, he looked over his features. He looked at his face and couldn’t help but finally see how similar the two of them actually were; he remembered Dabi's sharp eyes smiling at the amusement of Hawks struggle... how did he not see it sooner . He looked down at his hands, flashbacks coming back, the blue flame consuming it, consuming him.

You’re just like him.

  How could you ever be a hero?

  Murderer…

  Monster….

  His mind raced to every possible possibility of his future, is he destined to become like him?

  It’s in your blood…

  That will be you someday, and everyone will hate you.

  Your family hates you, that’s why they lied.

  They fear you...

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud shattering noise, as he looked up, he saw his fist covered in blood, the mirror shattered, shards all scattered around the room. But yet there was still one small piece hanging up. He looked at it, and when he did, he didn’t see himself; he saw a broken, battered figure that so clearly resembled him.

S/n stumbled back, his breathing becoming quicker and quicker. He reached for his phone that was laying next to him on the ground and tried calling the only person he thought could help. It was already almost two am, so he could only pray to get a response in return.

After a few tries, the person finally picked up, with a sleepy undertone in his voice.

“Hello?”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  S/n walked through an almost empty street when the playground finally came into view. On the swings sat a slouched figure, slowly rocking back and forth, his head was fixated on the ground, as he tried to push the sleepiness away.

The figure’s gaze quickly left the ground as he heard someone's footsteps approach his direction. He gave S/n a small wave and gestured for him to take a seat at the swing next to him, and so he did.

  “I’m sorry I called so late…” S/n mumbled.

  Shoto looked over at the kid, who was tapping his boots nervously. His eyes quickly made their way to the freshly bandaged hand.

“It is quite alright, you didn’t sound good on the phone… Did something happen?”

  S/n shook his head as he stayed quiet, trying to muster and find the right words to say.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  “And done…” you chirped, gesturing Hawks to stand up from the chair.

  “Thanks… see I told you it wasn’t that bad,” he replied, putting his shirt back on.

  “Yeah…”

  You put away the bloodied towel and looked back in the direction of your son’s room.

Hawk’s eyes softened as he approached you. “I’ll go check on him, okay?”

  Your eyes snapped back to Hawks as you let out a sigh.

“I’d appreciate it,” you muttered.

  Hawks mustered a smile as he stood up and gave you a few pats on the head, before walking away and heading to your son’s room direction.

It was only but moments before he was standing at your son’s door, trying to listen in on any movements from his side. Not hearing a sound, he took a deep breath in and slowly turned the doorknob.

  “S/n…”

  He stopped, freezing up as he scanned the room. The window was open; the mirror laid shattered, shards scattered around everywhere, he saw S/n phone lying on the floor, and a few drops of blood on it.

  “Y/n we have a problem, ” He yelled, running back to the kitchen to pick up his phone.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  S/n told Shoto everything that happened in great detail, trying to muster the strength against his bottled up emotions. After the whole story was told, the both of them remained silent, before Shoto finally spoke.

  “I know how you feel.” he trailed off. “I’m sorry this happened to you S/n… But you have nothing to fear, the two of you are nothing alike, you might have his quirk but you’re still your own person.”

  S/n stayed quiet as he kept his eyes on the ground.

  “You should go home now, the others might worry where you’ve gone.”

  S/n sighed before, humming in agreement, he got up from the swing, stretching out his arms. He turned back to Shoto.

“Can you… not tell them that I was here?”

  “I don’t think-” Shoto stood up and glanced at S/n who seemed exhausted from the evening’s events.“I… alright, let’s go I’ll walk you home.”

  “Nah, It’s fine, it’s just 10 minutes away I’ll be fine,” S/n reassured.

  “It’s still quite late. I don’t think that it would be safe to let you go home alone.”

  “Oh cmon, I have a murderer’s quirk on my side, what can go wrong?”

  “S/n…”

  “I’m just joking Sho, trying to brighten the mood a bit, anyway I’ll be fine.”

  Before Shoto could disagree, S/n was already walking away and waving him off.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  He walked on a nearly empty street, the cars around him rushing, while he kept his hooded head down on the road.. His mind became a little calmer, like an ocean after a storm everything was calming down. He was so focused on his thoughts that he didn’t notice a quiet figure following him like a cat. He stopped near a crosswalk, looking up and waiting for the light to change, before he suddenly got grabbed and pulled roughly, a hand covering his mouth, he didn’t have any time to respond, everything became fuzzy as he was fastly pulled into what looked like a portal and thrown out the other side.

He moved onwards before quickly getting up into his fighting stance, ready to use his quirk on whatever or whoever grabbed him. Yet he wasn’t met by his kidnapper, only by a white haired man, who had some sort of hand on his face. S/n stood there for a second, trying to figure out if he should make a run for it or attack.

The quiet man poured another glass of whiskey, lifting one of his fingers from it, careful not to dust it. After the glass was half full, he murmured something under his breath before taking off his mask and giving the kid a creepy grin.

  “Come, take a seat…” the man gestured to a nearby bar stool.

  “Who are you and what do you want?” S/n hesitantly asked while he looked around the room.

  The man stopped his drink halfway to his mouth.

  “Ah, where are my manners, I’m Shigaraki… and you are?”

  “I’m-”

  “I’m joking, I already know who you are, you’re Dabi's little creation…” Shigaraki grinned. “You know, as Endeavor's grandson, he didn’t do a good job of protecting you… I mean you were just wandering around like a lost puppy.”

Shigaraki once again gestured to the empty seat next to him.

  “It’s not nice to reject a drink ya know.” Shigaraki looked at him, his grin slowly being replaced by a frown “Anyway, you must be thinking, why are you here? Well, I have a very appealing proposition for you, a deal of some sorts.”

  “Let me guess, you want me to join your evil boy club, is that it?”

  “Don’t call it that, ” Shigaraki snarled. “But yes, I want you to join the league ... now I can tell you’re hesitant, but think about it you’ll be accepted here.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Why do you think they kept it away from you for so long?”

  “How do-”

  “They’re afraid of you like everyone else will be when they learn the truth…”

  That will be you someday, and everyone will hate you.

  “Shut up.” S/n hissed.

  “What about your dear old dad? You wouldn’t want to disappoint him now would you?”

  “He’s no father of mine.”

  You’re just like him.

  Shigaraki spun around on the chair, drink still in hand.

  “You might deny it now, but you’ll be crawling back here in no time… it’s in your blood, the hero society is broken enough, help me make it better.”

  It’s in your blood…

  “Shut up.”

  S/n wanted to walk away, he tried blocking out every word thrown his way, his eyes desperately looking for the exit, Shigaraki only stared at him, wondering what the kid will do next when the door of the hideout suddenly opened and an irritated Dabi walked in the room “Shiggy I’m back from-” he spotted his son in the room and immediately hissed. “Why is he here?”

  “Oh, him? I just wanted to have a brief chat with the kid, welcome him into the family.” Shigaraki grinned, turning back to face the bar.

  “I’m sure you did.” Dabi scoffed, making his way to S/n, grabbing him by the color and dragging him away while he struggled.

  Before Dabi could open the door, he heard Shigaraki quietly mumble to him.

“Didn’t think you were so soft Dabi.”

  Dabi rolled his eyes while his son kicked him and babbled. “Let go of me you freak.”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  Dabi followed S/n close behind, stealing glances at the unfamiliar place he was leading him to, before he suddenly stopped on some old bridge, not budging to go any further.

  “Why did you stop?” Dabi asked, looking around at the old factory.

  “I’m not going to show a villain where I live.” your son returned going near the rails and leaning on them. “So leave me the hell alone, alright?”

  Dabi took a deep breath in, feeling slightly irritated, yet he couldn’t contain the drip of proudness rising in his chest, the kid might be stupid but at least you taught him well he thought. He approached S/n calmly, not trying to start a fight, as he could see the kid was on edge before he leaned against the rails next to him.

  “Listen-”

  “I don’t want to hear it…” S/n responded immediately.

  A painfully awkward silence filled the air as the two stood under a poorly light street light looking at the slowly moving water.

“I hate you”  S/n murmured.

  “I know.”

  “So that’s it? You won’t say anything else?”

  “I don’t think it will change much even if I did,” Dabi said casually.“You look… a lot like Y/n… is she—how is she doing?” he added, gripping the railing a bit too tight for comfort.

  “She’s doing good, a lot better without you no doubt.” your son smeared.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  Dabi's heart painfully ached, after so many years the memories of your warm touch still lingered in his mind. A few days later after he left the hospital he came back to your old burnt house, your future home as you used to call it, he walked around the ashed trying to calm down the stinging feeling in his chest, he could’ve gone back, hell part of him screamed and begged him to, but he was too much of a coward, running away seemed easier them facing his father and facing the reality of crimes he committed, going back to that house filled the shadows of the past. Part of him also knew that betraying the league never ended well for anyone, and no matter how far or how long he would run, they’d always catch up. So he decided to suffer in silence and finally do something else than be selfish with his life.

  He walked around in ruins of what was once his home, spotting a cabinet that was badly burnt but still standing in what seemed to be your bedroom. He carefully opened it and shivered, looking at the slightly burnt photo. He recalled the event like it was yesterday; it was your daughter’s sixth Christmas; she was babbling and rambling all day, while you both tried putting up Christmas decorations, Christmas music played in the background and the smell of cookies filled your small little home. At the end of the day, you pestered him into taking a photo with the three of you. He so desperately wanted to disapprove but your daughter’s puppy eyes convinced him otherwise. You printed it out, and kept it close, calling it a good luck charm, and here it was still okay. Dabis hands trembled as he reached for it, carefully wiping the ashes from the photo, trying not to make it dirtier than it already was, and put it in his pocket, walking away with his lost treasure.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  “I’m glad,” he whispered, a sad smile plastered on his face, before looking back at his son. “Whatever you think of me, it wasn’t easy for me to just leave.”

  “Mhm, right, because you care so much.”

  “Watch it,” Dabi growled before softening up once more. “How’s… D/n?”

  Your son froze, looking back at him before mouthing. “Wait… you’re her father too?”

  Dabi didn’t say anything before pulling out and carefully showing him the photo.

S/n hesitantly took it and mouthed, looking over it. “Are you kidding me…?”

A revengeful thought came to him as he looked it over, still trying to comprehend it. He could see this little picture meant a lot to the poor villain who was carefully observing him, anytime S/n would move it, he could see him grow a bit on edge. Yet he took pity on the monster standing near him and shoved it back into his hand.

  “Well, you can be happy then, she doesn’t remember you,” he murmured, returning his hand on the railing.

  Dabi froze, giving him a doubting look.

“Yeah, she has some sort of traumatic amnesia or so I’ve heard.”

  “Amnesia… what happened?”

  “I don’t know I wasn’t told much,” S/n remarked. “But hey now you have one less burden to worry about, don’t want to mess up your future plan.”

  “Is that why you think I left?” Dabi spoke, tightly gripping the photo which remained in his hand. “I did it to keep all of you safe and give you a good shot at life, not because you’re some burden.”

  “No, you left because you’re a coward, stop trying to justify it with some sacrificial bullshit.”

  “Listen here-”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  Hawks has been flying around the city for almost 2 hours now, frantically searching every nick and cranny he could think of, he felt like ripping his feathers out, how did he not pick up the mirror breaking, how could he let S/n leave, or worse, maybe he was taken?

So many thoughts were rushing through his head as he finally allowed himself to breathe. He landed on a nearby rooftop pulling out his phone with intention of calling Endeavor to report the update, before he spotted a familiar figure on a bridge near an old factory, the bridge was on the brink of collapsing so no one bothered to light it up properly. Two figures were standing under a badly cleaned street light, which now began to frantically flicker.

Hawks quickly dialed Endeavor, explaining his suspicion and telling his location. Endeavor asked him to wait, not knowing if it could be a trap, but Hawks with a foggy mind and his protective instincts didn’t listen, he murmured a simple “see ya soon” and hung up the phone. He looked back in the direction of the bridge and let himself glide off the rooftop.

Dabi stopped talking when he saw Hawks approach them, he only looked at S/n, stuffing the photo back into his pocket, and mumbled. “Looks like our time is up.” before S/n was fastly carried by Hawks feathers away from the dangerously close villain.

Hawks landed near S/n, surprising him as he frantically searched for any kind of injuries.

  “You okay kid?” he looked back at Dabi with a nasty look. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

  S/n pushed himself out of Hawks grasp. “I’m fine.”

  Hawks looked at him with sadness and guilt in his eyes, which turned into fury and hatred when they fell on Dabi, who was now casually leaning on the bridge railing. Hawks pulled away from S/n and approached Dabi with a feather blade in hand and pointed it at his throat.

  “Why did you take him?” Hawks barked, trying to search Dabi's cold demeanor for any kind of tricks.

  “I didn’t take shit, he was the one that found me.”

  Hawks looked back at S/n, who only looked away with guilt running across his face. Hawks gave him a disappointing glare before turning back at Dabi, who was unfaced with the deadly weapon pointed at his throat.

“I know what you’re trying to do.”

  Dabi cocked his eyebrows. “Do you now?” he jeered.

  “S/n doesn’t need a screw up like you for a father nor does he need your baggage, leave him be.”

  “Playing the father role well I see,” Dabi responded ignoring Hawks’ sudden outburst.

  “I couldn’t let a child be fathered by a scoundrel like you, now could I?”

  How Dabi wanted to tear down the oversized chicken limb from limb, finally take his revenge for ruining his family, for taking you away from him. His hands were beginning to itch and beg him to give in to his little temptation. He looked past Hawks at his son, god he looked just like you , his mind replayed your voice trying to calm him down as the temptation quietly disappeared into a pile of mush.

Dabi furrowed his eyebrows, turning around from the confrontation, and stepped back.

“I don’t have time for this.” He stoically stated, trying to hold back any kind of resentment towards Hawks.

  “Running away like always?” Hawks remarked, getting no response from the grim figure who slithered away in defeat.

  After he disappeared from view, Hawks turned back to S/n, who was standing nearby, tapping his feet nervously. Hawks approached him, throwing his jacket over the boys shoulders, and growled.

“We’re going home.”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  You were pacing around the living room, phone in hand, waiting for any news on S/n whereabouts, when suddenly the front door opened up. You rushed to the door.

  “Did you—Angel hey are you okay? You’re not hurt, right?” you blubbered, scanning his face for any cuts or bruises.

  “How’s your hand?”

  “It’s fine, mom,” he responded shamefully, looking at the ground.

  “You really scared me sweetheart… where were you?” you hugged him tightly, massaging his back, and mouthed a quiet “thank you” to the heroes patiently standing nearby.

  “I don’t want to talk about it… can I go now? I’m really tired,” he mumbled, pushing you away.

  “I…”

  “Good night.” Your son said as he walked off to his room, quietly closing the door behind him.

You looked back at Endeavor and Hawks, who moved over to the couch.

  “What happened? Where did you find him?”

  “He was with Dabi.”

  “Dabi… what? Why? Did he kidnap him?”

  “No, it seems the kid found him first.” Endeavor tried calming you down.

  “Why would he-”

  “We’re not sure...but right now we should all go rest it’s been a tough night.” Endeavor stated.

  Hawks stood up and got ready to head to S/n room to give him the speech he thought of in the car before Endeavor stopped him.

“I’ll talk to him, you go rest.” He looked back at you, nodding to Hawks, who hesitantly took a seat next to you, wrapping one of his wings around you, slowly massaging your back.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

  Endeavor approached the door and knocked a few times, not hearing a response he pressed on the handle and the unlocked door opened with ease.

He stepped inside closing the door behind him, spotting your son, laying in his bed with his back turned, as he was slightly shaking behind the covers, clearly trying to calm himself down.

Endeavor sighted, not bothering to turn on the light, and sat beside him. He sat there for a while, his mind racing with all the things he wanted to say, or should’ve said, yet nothing came up.

  “You won’t be going to U.A.” he finally stated.

  Your son froze, and quickly sat back up, now facing Endeavor. “You can’t do that.”

  “I already called the school.”

  Your son ran his hand through his hair trying to come up with a valid argument.

“I also think that you should stay homeschooled for a while, seeing as there is a high chance of probability that the league knows you exist.”

“I know you worked hard, but your safety is far more important,” he added tapping S/n gently on the shoulder.

  Your son was too tired to answer but gave Endeavor a little nod.

  “Good, now get some sleep.” Endeavor said as he stood up from the bedside. He walked over to the door and looked back with a serious gaze.

“Don’t run away again, am I understood?”

  “Yes sir” your son responded letting his head fall onto the comfortable pillow.

  “Good.” Endeavor muttered closing the door behind him.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

It’s been almost a week and your patience was starting to run out, six days with only blunt responses from your son, him denying to eat your food or even come out of his room, and tonight you decided enough is enough and walked over to your son’s room with Hawks following close behind.

You turned back to him, trying to justify your sudden outburst. “I just want to see if he’s doing alright…”

  “I’ll go with you,” he reassured, giving your hand a light squeeze.

  You gave him a thankful nod before gently pressing on the handle and cracking the door open. Your son was sitting on his bed, with his earphones on, listening to something, paying no mind to your sudden entrance. His cheerful demeanor now became grim, dark circles under his eyes were too big for comfort, his bandage hand now bare.

Hawks hand fell on your shoulder as he gave you an encouraging glance. You took a deep breath in, before approaching his bedside and sitting next to him. Your son immediately looked up to you and Hawks who was leaning against a nearby wall, looking at him with his soft eyes. S/n took off his headphones and mumbled. “Please leave, I really don’t want to talk to any of you.”

“It’s been a week, kid, you can’t just keep ignoring us like this.” Hawks lilted.

  “Honey…” you tried reaching for his hand but he pulled away instantly. “I know--it's hard and I shouldn’t have kept something like that from you… and I’m deeply sorry.”

  “Good to know, the doors right there you can leave now.” your son jeered.

  “Can you at least come out of your room and eat something? I don’t like when you hurt yourself like this,” you said, once again reaching out to him.

  “Don’t touch me,” he said, pulling away. “You kept it from D/n as well didn’t you?”

  “D/n… her situation is different from yours…”

  “How?” he asked, not sparing you a glance.

  “She knew who he was… but after your d—Dabi left she couldn’t handle it, so her brain locked him out of her memory,” you explained in a simple manner.

  “And you let her leave just like that... “ your son scoffed as he got off from the bed. “Were you going to do the same with me?”

  “We-”

  “You know what, don’t answer that… I don’t think it’s good for me to hang around you two right now.”

  Your son walked towards the door but Hawks moved, blocking it. “You need to calm down, kid.”

  “Get out of my way Hawks.” your son warned, his sleep deprived, and angered mind getting the best of him.

  “You need to stop throwing tantrums and listen-”

  Hawks was interrupted by a loud explosion, he felt like he was falling before he hit something hard, his ears began to ring, he felt limb trying to gasp for air and he desperately fought to keep his eyes open as he felt warm like wood liquid falling down his face. He could see you desperately run to him, tripping over the fallen door, your soft touch masking the terrible pain he felt, he slowly reached for your cheek, accidentally smearing it with his blood, trying to wipe away your tears that wouldn’t stop coming.

He slowly shifted trying to spot the boy he carefully tried to father throughout his life, only to see him, standing there in the smoke of a now destroyed corridor, dark smoke surrounding him, as his sight got worse he could swear the little boy turn into a monstrous shadowy figure, who was now darting away. Hawks tried reaching out to him but he seemed to be getting further and further away by the second, he mumbled something under his breath as he let his body and mind succumb to the dark slumber he so craved.

[thescreamingraven]

At this point just make “promise” a whole series. This is to good🙂😩🤚🏽

Well I don’t know about series but I do have part three in mind, it will probably be the last chapter, but quite long so get ready😏😏

[thescreamingraven]

Wedding bells

Dabi x reader

Genre/warnings: Fluff and angst, smut, alchohol, cheating, swearing.

Words: 7 048

Summary: You're getting married to the love of your life... what can go wrong?

≿————-　❈　————-≾

An as ex villain, some of the public still labeled you as such, nothing more than a common scum, a parasite to be disposed of, yet here you were, working as a hero, because of one person... the person who saw good in you, who against all odds gave you a second chance at life. Hawks was a complicated man, deep down you knew he had issues of his own, under his happy and carefree demeanor he was broken like everyone else, beat down by life, yet he stood strong for anyone who needed it.

Three years ago he found you in a bar downtown where you were drinking away your problems, trying to forget the day’s event... He approached you slowly, calming you down and assuring you he wasn’t here to arrest you, he took out a small envelope, a letter addressed to you and handed it with caution. It was from a close family member; they begged you to come home, to quit, saying that they forgave you for everything you’ve done and that they still loved you and were concerned by your current lifestyle. That broke down your walls fairly quickly, to know that even after all the things you’ve done, you still had people who accepted and forgave you. Hawks tried his best to comfort you, and he did. He said he wanted to help because he saw the good in you, and somehow you believed him. And here you are standing at the altar, looking down at the ring on your finger.

Don’t marry him.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Two weeks before the wedding.

Walking up the stairs to the office, you finally reached the receptionist. It was six pm, which meant he should be done with his meetings already, so you thought you’d visit him, wanting to check up on some wedding arrangements with Hawks seeing how he was always busy and barely had any time to spare, rarely coming home.

“Hello.” you chirped.

The receptionist looked up from the files she was working on and gave you a genuine smile. ”Miss Y/n what a surprise, you’re here for Hawks, I take it?.”

“Yeah, thought I’d pay him a visit, is he-?”

“In a meeting, yes, but if it’s something urgent I can get him for you?”

“No, that’s unnecessary, I’ll just wait it out.” You insisted.

“Are you sure?”

“Yea, which floor is it again?”

“The fifth” she blurted, pointing to the office elevator, before adding. ”He should be done soon.”

You nodded, offering a smile to the receptionist before walking away. “Thank you, have a nice evening.”

“You too, miss.” She smiled before getting back to work.

You walked through the small corridor and got into the elevator. After a few seconds, you reached the fifth floor.

You casually sat down on one of the empty chairs, scrolling through your phone, giving small nods through passing employees. You waited near the room where Hawks was supposed to be having his meeting.

Suddenly you heard a small sound coming from the office, which sounded like a moan when it happened the first time you ignored it, thinking you were mishearing it. When it happened again, you shut down your phone and walked closer to the door; you looked around for passing employees, when you saw that the coast was clear you leaned in and focused on the small sounds you were hearing. After a few seconds, they became louder. You felt your heart skip a beat, your hands began to shake, your gaze fell on the doorknob. Maybe it isn’t Hawks, you thought , maybe someone else is… your trail of thought was interrupted by a louder moan. You took your time to calm yourself down a bit, trying to resist the urge of curiosity, before slowly pressing on the doorknob, opening the door just enough for you to peek.

When you saw what was happening in that room, you quickly but quietly closed the door, not wanting the scene to be engraved in your memory.

You saw a naked woman, wearing Hawks’ tie around her neck, him shirtless fucking her into the office desk. You felt like you were going to throw up. So that’s what he had been doing the past couple of weeks. All those missions, canceled dates, late nights at the office, all lies. Your head began to spin and your breathing quickened. Three years of being together led you to this… for how long, how many?

You quickly rushed to the elevator, pressing the button to the first floor rapidly, wanting to get out as quickly as possible.

When you walked out of the elevator, you were met by the same receptionist and her carefree smile. Did she know?

“Miss Y/n…are you feeling okay?” She hesitated, standing up from her seat and walking closer to you.

You snapped out of your thoughts and saw her smile being replaced with concern.

“You look very pale like you just saw a ghost, should I call mister Hawks to-”

You cut her off, the bare mention of his name gave you chills. “No, no, I’m fine--” you massaged your forehead. “I think I just... caught a cold, I’ll head home.”

“Are you sure? I’m certain Hawks wouldn’t mind-”

“No, I’m sure. Just forget I was ever here”

“Why?” She looked at you with a confused look.

“I don’t want to worry him… “ She didn’t seem convinced, so you added. “and I have a… surprise I wanted to share, I don’t want this… cold to ruin it.”

“Oh alright miss, you can count on me, I won’t say a word.” Her carefree smile appearing once again.

“Thank you,..., I’ll head home.” You murmured as you made your way towards the exit.

“Right, be careful, miss It’s getting dark.”

You turned around, giving her a quick nod, opening the exit door.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Stepping out of the building, you almost lost your balance. Cheating… he was cheating.

You walked around the dimly lit city for a while, lost in your thoughts, you recognized that women from somewhere, his newest sidekick, isn’t that ironic you thought, you didn’t even realize it had begun to rain, thunder growling in the distance, yet you kept going and somehow, you ended up here, in front of his apartment door. You raised your hand to knock, stopping midway before giving it a light knock. Silence, you waited for a moment before doing it again.

What am I even doing here? 

How pathetic...

You were just about to turn around before you heard the door being unlocked.

“Y/n?”

He looked down at you, your face which was wearing a tired expression, you were soaked to the bone, slightly shivering, and your eyes seemed darker, none of your usual carefree aura just grimness. He stared at you dumbfounded, not saying anything before stepping away slightly, gesturing for you to come in.

You sat down on the couch, while he disappeared into his bedroom, walking back with a shirt and some sweatpants.

“Go change, you look like shit.” He murmured, looking at your soaked figure.

You looked up at him, giving him a thankful nod and taking the clothes from him, going into the bathroom to change. His clothes were always moldy and smelled like ashes but you didn’t mind, anything is better than being soaked., after hanging your clothes to dry, you walked out and saw him with two beer bottles in hand sitting on the couch, some 80s show blasting in the background. When he finally saw you, he sighed and turned it off, eyeing and hinting for you to sit next to him.

When you sat down he scooched closer handing you a beer, he threw an arm around your shoulder, leaning you into his side.

”Well, you’re in a bad mood.” he scoffed.

You took a small sip of the beer; he handed it wasn’t anything too strong, yet you wish it was.

“Do you have anything stronger?” You asked, trying to hide the shaking in your voice.

“Sadly no sweetness, shitty beer is all I can offer you.”

You gave him a small nod and drank some more. His hand fell onto your back, slowly rubbing circles on it. You knew he wasn’t good with words and this small gesture was all he could offer… but it was enough; it was enough for you to finally break down. After hours of searching for answers, you finally broke down, clenching down on his shirt, you let out a couple of muffled sobs.

Dabi took your bottle away not wanting you to spill anything and sat it down on a nearby table, he awkwardly wrapped his other hand around you trying to comfort you in silence.

When he saw that you were beginning to calm down, he softly spoke.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?”

You gripped his shirt tighter and mumbled.

“He…”

He pulled you away with both of his hands and held you in place.

“I can’t understand when you murmur something, speak clearly.”

“Hawks… he cheated on me…” You sniffled.

He looked at you dumbfounded, trying to find the right thing to say.

“I’m sorry, doll, that sucks...”

You took your bottle from the stand, drinking a good sip. “It does…” you mumbled.

You both sat there in silence, not knowing what to say when he suddenly spoke with a cold tone.

“Do you want me to kill him?”

“What?” You looked at him thinking he said it as a joke, but the look on his face told you all you needed to know. “No, I don’t want you to kill him” you hissed, taking another sip, trying to relax.

“I just…” you sighed. “I just feel like it was my fault, like I did something wrong…”

“Did you?”

“I don’t think so?” You faltered.

“You want to know what I think doll? I think that he’s just another asshole and you shouldn’t take it to heart.”

“But-”

“He’s the one who fucked up, don’t beat yourself over it, he doesn’t deserve you.”

“Dabi…” your eyes met for a moment before he quickly looked away, “Thank you, I really needed to hear that…”

He hummed, relieved that this heavy conversation was coming to an end.

Saying that Dabi was surprised to see you was an understatement, you two haven’t spoken since that night and having you come to him for comfort, his heart fluttered to the core. You had no idea the fear and guilt that still lingered in his thought when he thought of you, how he wanted to hold you and apologize for not saying those three words you wanted to hear, for being a coward, for walking away… but yet he stayed silent, carving the feeling of you so desperately clenching his shirt, admiring you in his clothes, the same clothes you used to wear back then. He glanced at your left hand, seeing the red diamond ring decorating finger… how he wanted to rip it off and throw it away. Closing his eyes, taking a sip of his beer, and holding you close as you wiped away your tears, he tried enjoying the moment, not knowing how long it would last.

“Wanna order some takeout? My treat.” he offered.

“Sure…”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

It didn’t take that long for the takeout to be delivered. When it finally arrived, you pulled some more beers out of the fridge, turned on some old late 80s shows, and watched them while eating.

The time went by quickly you checked your phone for any messages from Hawks, yet you didn’t get anything you guessed he was busy doing other things, you were both tipsy, watching some show neither of you were paying attention to.

“It’s eleven pm already, huh…” Dabi mumbled, looking over your shoulder at your phone.

“Yeah… shit I should probably- ”

You didn’t get to finish the sentence as felt Dabis lips on yours; you tasted the bitter beer you were drinking on his tongue; you let yourself enjoy the sensation for a second more before pulling away.

”Dabi we can’t...” You said, trying to stop the rising feeling in your chest and jogging him away.

“Your eyes are betraying you sunshine” he teased leaning over, his hand making its way to your thigh. “Just say the word, and I’ll stop,” he said before pulling you in, you hesitated for a moment, your head trying to organize your thoughts… yet for some reason you pushed them away, giving in, closing your eyes, wrapping your arms around his neck letting him make its way to the back of your throat. His hands trailed downwards to the end hem of your shirt, he lifted underneath the fabric and began to slowly make his way up to your stomach to your bra-clad breasts. But before he could continue, your phone rang. You leaned over and grabbed it off the nearby table, looking at the caller ID.

”It’s Hawks.” You mumbled, trying to calm down.

He reached for your shirt pulling it off, his eyes lingering on your breasts, as you looked at him slightly confused, leaning he murmured. ”Pick it up.”

”What?”

Dabi grabbed your phone from your hands, answering the call, and putting it on speaker.

He leaned over, nibbling on your earlobe, and whispered. “Try not to make too much noise.”

“Hey songbird, I’m at home where are you?” Hawks gushed.

Dabi slowly trailed his hands up your stomach to your breasts, he began drawing small circles over your bra, teasing you. “I- I’m at a friend’s house.” You stuttered when you felt Dabis hand slipping to unlace your bra.

“You okay? You don’t sound very-”

Your bra fell off, and Dabi smirked, putting his index finger on his lips, gesturing you to be silent. He leaned over to your right breast, slightly nibbling on its nipple while cupping the other breast, he looked up at you with a devilish grin, biting it harder.

”Yeah, yeah, I’m f-fine, I just—I had a couple of drinks.”

“Do you want me to pick you up?”

Pulling away from your nipple, Dabi began sucking on your breast, intending to leave a mark.

”No, no—I’m good, I think I’ll sleepover.”

”Alright… anyway songbird I just… I really want to apologize to you, I know things haven’t been good with us lately… so I took-”

Dabi trailed soft kisses on the purple mark which was now decorating your right breast. He leaned over to your ear once again.

“Look at how pretty you are like that ‘songbird’, tell him how good I’m making you feel.” He teased, slowly moving your nipples up and down with his thumbs.

You couldn’t help but allow a small whimper to escape.

“Babybird you sure you’re alright?”

Dabi pulled away, his hands falling back to your thighs, allowing you to speak normally.

”My friend isn’t looking well, I have to go.”

“Oh…” Hawks stayed quiet for a second. “ Alright, uhm, I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

”Mhm, good night.”

You immediately hanged up, letting out a sigh and giving Dabi a nasty look, opening your mouth to bash him, but before you could, he leaned in closer giving you goosebumps all over your body as he lightly breathed on your neck. His hands caressed your shoulders. A light kiss along your jaw made you shudder. The anticipation of what was coming was driving you both wild.

As your lips met once again, electricity shot through your body, you squeezed your thighs together trying to calm down your throbbing sex. His palms slid down your shoulders and found your lower back. He pulled you tight against his chest. As your kiss deepened, you couldn’t help but let some desperate moans escape. You grabbed the bottom of his shirt, and he lifted his arms over his head as you peeled it off from his body. You pulled away, noticing the growing bulge in his sweatpants.

“This is what you do to me, doll,”  

He let you gawk for a second before grabbing you by the hips and picking you up. You threw your legs around his waist. Your nipples were pointing straight at his face. He took one in his mouth and sucked gently, then slightly nibbled. You let out a sudden gasp and moaned softly.

When you approached his bed, he gently lowered down, stepping back and taking off his sweatpants, letting them fall to the floor. You couldn’t help but glance at the tent that seemed to be even bigger in his boxers. He came closer to you, sitting down and dragging your sweatpants off as well. He crawled on top of you, seeing you beneath it, a flustered mess, his clothed cock between your thighs, your breaths becoming shorter, and your lust-filled eyes… It made him even harder. He looked at your left hand, which was still decorated by the engagement ring Hawks had given you, he pulled your left arm to his face, holding your wrist tightly.

“Take the ring off.” He murmured.

You looked at him confused, then glanced at the ring.

”Does it bother you?”

He didn’t answer, he just stared at you waiting for you to take it off, you sat up, pulling yourself from under his hold, taking the ring off, and dropping it on the floor. A dangerous smirk appeared on his face, he leaned down as his mouth found your left tit.

“I’ve been neglecting this one, haven’t I?” Bringing one of his hands up to the other mound on your chest and lightly pinching the nipple. Your breast was enveloped in his large palms as he gently squeezed. You couldn’t contain your moaning when his other hand trailed down to your panties, he slowly began rubbing your already irritated sex, your juices soaking the fabric.

“I barely touched you and you’re that fucking wet already…” he teased.

He grabbed the elastic band running around your waist. You lifted your hips as he slid the panties past your ass. He threw the small wad of fabric on the floor and looked at the perfect flustered body lying in front of him. He began rubbing your clit, moving his finger slowly, looking at your flushed face as you tried to quiet down your moans.

He moved down between your legs, parting them, keeping contact with you the whole time, until his tongue slowly entered your folds.

He enjoyed the way you moaned his name; he enjoyed how your expressions changed, when he inserted one finger in, feeling how you squeezed on it, slowly moving up your hips against him, searching for that release, he loves how you’re gripping his sheets and laying on his bed; he loves how that stupid engagement ring is laying somewhere on the ground long forgotten, how you’re focusing on him and only him. He added another finger in and pumping them faster and faster. He sees how you cover your mouth, looking away from the intense pleasure and decides to pull out at the last second. Pushing himself up from your thighs, giving you a light kiss on your lip, your legs shaking, moving irritably.

“Does Hawks make you feel like that, hm?” He trails down soft kisses down your jaw. “Answer me doll.”

“No..” you muttered.

“So who does?”

“You…”

“Good,” he whispers against your lips. “Don’t cover your mouth and don’t look away, or I’ll stop…”

He trailed down your stomach leaving sloppy kisses before he began to roughly suck on your clit, He’d lick the little nub then would straighten his tongue and lick your entire slit. He wanted to drive you crazy, to remind you how good it felt to be with him. He did this for what seemed like an eternity, back and forth, never gaining enough speed for you to reach an orgasm. He took his time on your pussy, making it wetter than you ever thought possible. He brought you to a state of total pleasure and you were having a hard time keeping still, even though he was holding your hips in his hands. Your juices gushing out as you softly beg for him to continue. He slowly inserted one finger in, rubbing it against your walls. You became louder and fought off your instincts to cover your mouth. It didn’t take that long for you to come undone, twitching, shaking while Dabi lazily played around with your sensitive clit, watching your expressions change as your little whines filled the room.

After you calmed down he sat up, removing his boxers revealing his hard cock.

“Is it bigger than Hawks?” He murmured against your heavy breathing chest. You looked away flustered, before slowly nodding.

“Good, I’ll show you how a real man should make you feel, but first…. I want you to ask me nicely.”

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed, just ask me.” he teased looking at your flushed face “Dabi.”

“Dabi…” you repeated.

“Can you please?”

“Can you please...?”

“Fuck me..” he leaned down to your neck, giving you small kisses. “Say it.”

“Fuck me...” you mumbled.

“Good girl, see how easy that was?”

You feel the head of his hard cock at your sex, before he slowly pushes it in, your moans filling the room. He leaned down, giving you a sloppy kiss, pushing in his tongue, intertwining it with yours. You both stay still like that before you give him a light nod.

He keeps a slow and steady pace, his cock sliding in and out of you. You wrap your arms around his body and pull him close. The pain and pleasure mix, forcing you to close your eyes.

“Don’t close your eyes, doll…” He mumbles.

You opened your eyes as he slowly continued to grind against you. You whimpered and moaned under him, causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head.

“Hawks would be so jealous if he heard you right now, moaning on my… cock.”

You try to muster a reply, but everything that came out was another loud moan; you feel him picking up speed and pushing a little harder.

“You’re so tight, clearly... he hasn’t fucked you enough.” he moaned over his words.

You gasped when you felt Dabi begin to pound you even harder, his cock hitting your walls.

“You’re drooling, songbird. ” He chuckled, feeling himself closer to the edge. He slowed down and alternated hard and fast strokes with slow strokes. He felt your tight cunt squeezing his cock, trying to bring him to the edge. And it worked, with one final stroke you both came, The feeling of his cock jerking inside of you and the sounds of his moans making you cum. Your orgasm so intense you couldn’t bring yourself to make a noise, only cling to him tighter and savor the feeling as it streams throughout your body. You both stay silent for a moment, panting, trying to catch your breaths, before leaning into another kiss, this one more passionate, rougher, you both pull away still panting before Dabi smirks and jeers.

“Round two?”

≿————-　❈　————-≾

The sun crept through the blinds gently waking you, Dabis arms wrapped around you holding you tight restricted you from moving around too much, as your head laid on his chest. You studied his face for a moment; he looks so peaceful; you thought. You layed there, running your fingers through his hair, if only back then would’ve been so peaceful. Your peacefulness was interrupted by a headache and a few painful memories from yesterday. You glanced at your left hand, remembering that you threw the ring somewhere, massaging the spot where it was.

You were scared to leave Hawks… he gave you everything you had ever wanted, providing you with a well-paying job and a home, you finally had a normal life now, and you knew you weren’t ready to give it up. You sighed, slithering out of Dabis tight hold, getting out of bed, kneeling when you saw the ring, laying on the ground. You picked it up with care, admiring the red diamond, before putting it on.

You heard Dabi yawn, stretching his arms out, reaching for the spot you were laying a moment ago. He jumped a little when he didn’t feel anything laying next to him then spotted you standing near the bed. He looked up and down at your naked figure, which was covered in hickeys, bites, and burns from last night.

“Morning.” He grumbled giving you a cheeky grin and tapping on your side of the bed inviting you back in.

You gave him a slight nod, before turning away, grabbing your panties off the floor, and walking to the bathroom to check on your clothes. Your clothes were dry already, so you quickly put them on, yet you were still missing your bra. When you opened the bathroom door, you saw Dabi leaning on a nearby wall, with only sweatpants on. You wanted to walk past him, but he blocked your way.

“Where are you off to so early in the morning?” he asked, scratching his head.

“I’m going home, Dabi.”

He looked at your now clothed figure, spotting the ring on your finger, and sighed. “You’re still going back to him…”

“Please move…”

“You know the fucker cheated on you, right?”

“I know… but I’ll talk to him maybe we can sort it all out.”

“Are you kidding?” he scoffed.

“Well, what do you want me to do, Dabi? I can’t lose my job and-”

“Stay with me.”

You stared at him in shock before mustering the courage to speak again. “You’re joking, right?”

“No, I’m not I can talk to Shiggi he’ll-”

“Dabi I don’t want to be a criminal again, I finally, finally moved on from that life, you don’t get to drag me down again.” You let your eyes fall to the floor, mumbling, “besides we’ve been on this path before and it didn’t end well.”

“Y/n… I’m sorry that-”

“What was I to you, Dabi? Another pawn to be played… another doll to just be used and thrown away?”

“I didn’t use you for shit,” He remarked.

“If you didn’t then why did you leave…?”

He stayed silent, looking away.

“You know it’s really funny, even after all this time I still f-” your heart fluttered slightly, the pain from back then catching up. You sighed, pushing past him, walking towards the living room. “I shouldn’t have come here,” you mumbled. “Last night was a mistake, we were drunk and lonely and that’s that, it will never happen again,”

“Y/n..”

“No. I’m heading home now, thanks for the beer I’ll pay you back.”

Just as you were about to open the door, you got pulled into Dabis arms; you tried pushing away but stopped when you heard a small whisper.

“Don’t marry him…” he whispered.

“Dabi let me go,” you barked.

He only squeezed you harder, not wanting to let go. You wiggled out and hurried out, closing the door with a loud thud, opening your contacts, and calling Hawks.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

And here you were, standing in your wedding dress in front of the mirror, you stood there looking at yourself before sitting down to breathe, you’ve been up since five am because you needed to get ready for the wedding of the century as some called it, the commission made it a public event to inspire people, to give them hope. You were against it at first but Hawks managed to calm you down somehow saying it will be like opening a new page, no more villainy, just a normal life… a normal life.

Hawks still haven’t said a word about him cheating, you tried hinting it a couple of times, bringing up the sidekick yet he just shrugged off, but he began spending more time with you rarely going to the agency. Everything seemed normal, yet not right. You had this feeling in your stomach that you couldn’t put a finger on, but before you could dwell any further, a quiet knock interrupted your thoughts.

You shouted for them to come in and they did, when you turned around to see who it was you couldn’t believe it.

“Hello miss Y/n” She spoke, with a hint of hesitation in her voice.

When she came closer, you could see her more clearly. She was wearing an elegant dress which hugged her figure nicely, her face seemed red, traces of mascara running down her face. “My name is S/n, I’m Hawks sidekick I think we’ve met before.”

You sighed, trying to fight off the urge to break; you took a deep breath in and stood up, ready to approach her.

“Yes, I think we have. Are you alright?”

“I’m alright, I just came here to—can we talk?”

She seemed very nervous. She couldn’t keep still, trying not to face you. You gave a skeptical look. Is she going to confess?

“Sure, please sit down” you gestured to a few chairs who were standing in the corner. She gave you a thankful nod before taking a seat.

“So what do you want to talk about?” You asked, batting an eye to see her reactions.

You saw the way she couldn’t look at you, how her eyes stayed on the ground as she talked, yeah this was definitely a confession. The room was filled with silence for a few minutes before she finally mustered out. “I slept with your husband.”

You stayed quiet for a moment, just waiting for the words to sink in.

“For how long?”

“For about two months.” she stuttered. “ but he… he ended our relationship two weeks ago saying how all of this was a mistake, how he needed to do the right thing, I’ve been fired and I don’t know what to do.”

“So you came here for help on getting your job back? Are you serious?” You stood up and hissed.

“I’m really sorry, but I just don’t know what to do…" she shamefully looked at the ground. "I’m pregnant…”

You stood there frozen, not knowing what to do or say.

“I know you must hate me, believe me, I’m disgusted with myself for being so weak and not being able to—maybe you can talk to him… convince him to at least give me back my job? You know the situation is dire with all villains raising...Please… I’m begging you.”

“Get out…” you blurted.

She looked at you with her pleading eyes; the tears beginning to fall once again.

“Leave or I’ll call security,” you murmured.

The woman walked out of the room, her sobs echoing through the empty space. You stayed seated for a while, thinking what was the right course of action, you were so lost in thought that you didn’t even feel Endeavor sitting beside you; he called out to you, tapping you gently on the shoulder.

You and Endeavor have grown close the past few years, you being an ex villain; he had some questions about his son and you had the answers; he didn’t pray too much, not wanting to scare you off.

That’s how your strange friendship began, after a while, you trusted him enough to tell him how close you two actually were, and your feelings that you claimed to have forgotten, he just listened, giving some insight here and there, and offered some words of comfort. The commission insisted that you would promise not to invite Endeavor to the celebration, not wanting for the people to be displeased yet you disobeyed, they already made it a public event, the least they can do is allow you to pick some of your actual guests, after a lot of bragging you even convinced Endeavor to walk you down the altar.

“You okay?” He mumbled, snapping you out of your thoughts.

”Yeah.” You sighed. “I’m... fine, why do you ask?”

”Just know that some people tend to get nervous on their wedding day.”

You gave him a half-smile, resting your chin on your hand.

“You can still call it off if you want to.” He proposed.

“What makes you think I want to?”

“My wife had the exact look on her face when we got married.” He paused for a moment before pulling a tissue out of his pocket and handing it to you.“And the tears might be giving it away.

You took it from him, murmuring a thank you before wiping your tears.

“You saw him , didn’t you…?”

You laughed lightly. He was always good at reading you.

“Yeah, I did.” You could see Endeavor’s face change, so you calmed him down. “He’s alright, still an asshole tho.”

You stayed quiet for a moment, just enjoying the peace while you still could.

You stood up from your seat, stretching out your arms. “Well, let’s get going.” You blubbered, walking to the door as Endeavor followed close behind.

You opened the door to what was supposed to be a garden, yet you were met with cameras and people shouting, interviewers yelling, and being held off by security, it was loud… too loud, cameras blinding you by flashing. You could slightly hear Endeavor complaining under his breath.

After the swarm cleared out a bit, you finally looked up and saw him, Hawks was wearing a black suit that decorated his red wings. He glanced at you with a goofy smile and Fumikage standing near him. You approached the both of them two, taking your place at Hawk’s side. All spectators quieted down as the pastor began his speech. When he did, Hawks reached out for your hand, squeezing lightly, getting you to look at him, and mouthed a quiet are you okay?

You mustered a smile and gave him a reassuring nod, before looking at the pastor and focusing on the speech, trying to calm your nerves.

Don’t marry him...

The time to exchange your rings came, and the doubt and fear slowly began making their way to your head. Endeavor pulled out two identical rings and gave them to Hawks. You extended your arm, as Hawks stated his promise, to you but when you held out your hand Hawks went silent, that wasn’t your ring… you knew it wasn’t because you picked them together, this one had a small blue diamond, you knew you saw it somewhere before but didn’t know where. You carefully took the ring from Hawks, putting it on your right hand, and like on cue you finally remembered.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

You walked around his apartment for the first time, looking around.

“Hey, Dabs?”

“Yeah?” He yelled from the other room.

You took a small ring which was lying on the kitchen counter. You heard him coming over to you, before wrapping his arms around you, giving you a quick kiss on the neck.

“What’s up?”

“Where did you get this ring?” You held it up a little higher so Dabi could see it.

“I have no idea, I don’t remember picking it up from anywhere.” He mumbled, taking it from you and moving it around with his fingers. “Doesn’t seem like it’s worth much…” he looked at you with awe. “Do you want it?”

“I think I’ll pass... for all I know it could be cursed, maybe it followed you home.”

“Aw, you don’t have to be scared doll, I’ll protect you.” He teased.

“Even from a cursed ring?” You giggled, feeling his lips gently brush up your neck.

“Even from that.” He chirped, giving you one last kiss before getting back to whatever he was doing before.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

“Endeavor you sure you didn’t mix up the rings? I remember it being red, not blue.” Hawks stated.

Yours and Endeavors eyes met, he gave you an encouraging nod, before you turned to face Hawks. Someone rushed to Hawks’ side, bringing him the right ring.

“I’m sorry baby bird, you can take it off now” He chirped holding the red diamond ring out to you. You gave him a sad smile before you pulled him into a tight hug. He wrapped his hands around in return, holding the ring in one and massaging your back with the other. He stared at Endeavor with a confused face. “Y/n what’s wrong?” he cooed softly.

Don’t marry him…

“Thanks for everything Hawks, I really appreciate everything you’ve done.” You whispered.

“Your welcome?” he murmured, still trying to figure out what was happening. When you finally pulled away, you turned to Endeavor and mumbled.

“Can I borrow your car for a day? I need to go see someone.”

He pulled the keys out of his pocket, and gave them to you, before extending a hand for a handshake. You brushed it off and leaned in for a hug instead. He awkwardly stood there for a second, before murmuring. “Drive safe kid.”

You pulled away, giving him a heartfelt smile, nodding. “I’ll give them back soon, I promise.”

You turned back to Hawks and Fumikage, giving them a final nod, before rushing off the altar, trying to quickly get past the cameras and other spectators.

Hawks was ready to run after you but before he could Endeavor stepped in front of him blocking his way with a nasty look on his face.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

It didn’t take you that long to reach the parking lot, most of the people didn’t even bat an eye at you, yelling something about a fight. You quickly went down the stairs and looked around, spotting the right car and walking towards it, trying to catch your breath. You jumped a little when you saw a familiar figure leaning on it.

“Need a ride?”

“Dabi…what are you doing here?”

“I came here to steal the bride.” He retorted with a smirk.

You approached him. “It was you wasn’t...the ring-”

He cut you off with a light chuckle.“Those rings of yours had better security than the city’s bank... let me tell you.”

“How did-”

“I asked the old geezer for help, you should’ve seen his face when I came to him, he just jumped with joy.”

“You… went to Endeavor for me?”

He approached you, taking your right hand, placing a light kiss on it, spotting the ring he smirked.

“Blue suits you more. Now c’mon give me the keys, before the reporters come and swarm us up.”

He took the keys from your hand, unlocking the car and opening the door for you.

“Brides first.” You rolled your eyes but got in nonetheless. Dabi looked around the parking lot for any reporters not spotting any, he got in himself.

“So I take it you didn’t like the groom too much? What was it? Was he too short, too tall, no sense of humor, or was it the blond hair?”

“I hate you,” you mumbled, taking off the shoes that were now beginning to give you a headache.

“Aw, you don’t mean that doll.”

“I do with all my heart.” You looked down at the ring, spinning it around your finger. “This was a dirty trick you pulled.”

“But it worked, didn’t it? You’re here, I’m here, Endeavor is having the time of his life.”

You stopped spinning the ring, giving him a nasty look. “What did you do?” You looked at him and his wicked expression. “Dabi…”

“It wasn’t my idea.” He slightly raised his hands from the wheel. “We needed a distraction and trust me doll, the old geezer really wanted to teach him a lesson about... reproduction.”

“Oh, my god…” you scoffed. “What if he gets arrested, his reputation is already on edge with the shit you pulled?”

“He has connections and money doll, he’ll be fine. “

You looked up at the road ahead and saw that Dabi was driving away from the city. “Where are we going?”

“The old man has a house somewhere outside the city, we’re going to stay there for a while and give some time for things to cool off,” he muttered, looking back at his right wing mirror.

“Cool off?”

“Shigaraki... has something planned, it would be better if we stayed away.”

You let out a scoff before asking. “You know I’m curious. What would you have done if your little plan failed?”

“Well, at first I was thinking of calling Kurogiri to help me kidnap you but… the old man talked me out of it.”

“I would’ve maybe let you be happy with the birdbrain, just maybe... But that didn’t happen,” his hand made its way to your thigh, grabbing your left hand and squeezing it. “You’re stuck with me now, doll, till death do us part.”

“Is that supposed to be a proposal?” You leered.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He smirked, intertwining your fingers.

“You’re such an asshole.”

“Well buckle up princess, you’re stuck with this asshole for a long ass time, cause now that I have you, I don’t plan on dying anytime soon.”

“Good, I think the old man would notice that you were gone,” You retorted.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want him to have a heart attack.”

You looked at him, the way his face was lit by the morning sun, a smirk plastered across his face. “Thanks for you know coming back and all, but I’m still not forgiving you…”

“Well… what if I say it now, would it make things a little better?”

You gave him a side glance. “Well, how about you try it and we’ll find out.”

He sighed, squeezing the wheel.

“This is the only time I’m going to say it… you know I have little tolerance for sappy shit…”

He looked at you, wishing he could wipe that smirk off your face, squeezing your hand a bit harder, rubbing his thumb on your knuckles soothingly as he uttered.

“I…don’t hate you.”

He chuckled at the pout that was now decorating your face before sighing and giving your hand a final squeeze before putting it back on the wheel. Maybe someday he will say the words you crave so much to hear, but for now, this will have to do.

“You should get some rest, we have a couple of hours ahead of us.”

“Hours? Just how far along are we driving?” You wondered.

“Far enough.” He responded, his grin now replaced by his usual stoic expression, as he focused on the road ahead.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Note: Heyy thanks for reading hope you enjoyed. This scenario just randomly appeared in my head, so I thought I'd give it a shot, I know its very confusing and kinda sucks, but heyyyy...

≿————-　❈　————-≾

[thescreamingraven]

Promise 2

Dabi x reader

Genre/warnings: Fluff and angst.

Words: 6 283

Summary:  Sometimes the right choices are the toughest to make...

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Heyyy. Some people asked for part two so I hope you like it, as you can probably tell I'm pretty new at this whole writing thing and there is a lot of space for improvement, but I still hope you enjoyed nonetheless and I hope I didn't dissapoint. ^_^

≿————-　❈　————-≾

You woke up to a loud scream from your daughter, you automatically reached for your phone but before you could grab it your daughter snatched your arm and started pulling on it yelling. “Mommy, wake up.” She babbled loudly and way too close to your ear.

“Five more minutes.” You mumbled turning away from your daughter wanting to get even just a tad more sleep. She hopped onto the bed and layed next to you.

“But mommy…” She pouted.

Giving up, you lazily opened your eyes and pulled her in under the blankets into a tight hug.

“Good morning mamma.” She giggled.

“Morning angel, how d’you sleep?”

“Not very good…”

“Why’s that?” You wondered, giving her a quick kiss on her forehead.

“I had a nightmare about daddy…”

“You should’ve woken me up, sweetheart.” You chirped gently, brushing away a few strands of hair from her face.

“No, I’m a big girl now…. and the baby in your stomach needs to sleep too.”

You smiled, a warm smile decorating your face, how did you get so lucky…”Well, how about for being so brave I’ll give you a reward?” You sat up and stretched your arms. ”You can have anything you want for breakfast. We can even have some of your cake if you’d like.”

“No, daddy will be sad if we eat it, he’ll want to eat it too,” She declared.

“Alright, well, what do you want?”

“Could you maybe bake me some bacon?”

“Just bacon?”

“And ice cream.” She added.

“I don’t think that’s a… good combination. How about some pancakes?” You bargained.

“With bacon?”

“Sure.” You sighed, raising your hands in defeat. “You’re the birthday girl, after all, let me just…” You were about to stand up, but your daughter’s hands around your waist stopped you from doing so. “Sweetie I can’t move.”

You turned around to face her, cupping her cheeks and giving her gentle kisses on her forehead.

“Mommy?” She whispered, leaning into your warmth. “Where’s daddy?”

“Daddy needed to go to work for a bit, he’ll be back soon…”

You knew she hated when he left like this… without getting to say goodbye, you also knew that she saw him more than a parent, more like a best friend she can tell everything to, he was her hero but yet still managed to sometimes break her heart unintentionally just like now, you could see the light slowly fading away from her smile, so you decided to bring it back.

You gently tapped on her shoulder and whispered. ”Do you want to hear a secret?”

There it is, that excitement which was gone moments before, now plastering on your daughter’s face, you knew that you would do anything to keep her smiling like that forever, anything.

“But you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

”Okay.” She whispered back.

“Come closer…”

Your daughter nodded and scooched a little bit closer. With a swift movement, you began to tickle her without mercy. Her screams and laughter could probably be heard all across the neighborhood, but at that point, you didn’t care. After a few seconds, you stopped and pulled her into your tight embrace and cupped her cheeks once again. “There’s that smile…”

When your daughter’s giggles quieted down, you could feel the way she clung to you even harder than she did before.

“He’ll be back sweetie, trust me… and a little birdie told me that your dad has a very special surprise for you…”

You could just sense the puppy eyes coming your way.

”Nope, don’t even try it, your puppy eyes won’t work on me…”

“But mommy…”

“It’s pancake time c’mon get your little butt into the kitchen..” You chirped, getting out of your comfortable bed and stretching out your arms. You grabbed your phone off the counter and checked if there were any messages from Touya. You didn’t know what it was but when you checked the time you got a weird feeling in your stomach, so much for being here when I woke up you thought, putting your phone back on the counter wanting to get rid of that strange feeling you had.

⸻⸻⸻⸻

Nervously tapping on your kitchen counter, you checked your phone again and again. Yet the time didn’t change. It was seven pm, and you were getting a bit on edge about Dabi. You tried calling him, texting him, yet you got nothing back. Something was wrong, you could feel it. A few hours ago you turned on the morning news, the city yet again destroyed by the league who immediately disappeared after the assault. Yet there were no signs of Dabi. He wasn’t on the news that means he was either somewhere in hiding or-

“Mommy?” Your trail of thoughts was interrupted by your daughter’s weak voice and slight tugging of your hand.

“Yes, sweetie?”

You looked at your daughter, who was now staring at the ground, her small muffled sobs now becoming clearer.

”Did d-daddy… forget… my… b-birthday?” She stuttered, rubbing her eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming.

You could feel your heart shatter.

“No, no, sweetie he didn’t, he’s probably on his way home now.” You cooed, picked her up, and cradled her in your arms. “Hey, it’s okay…”

“D-did I do so-something wrong…? Did he not like my drawing?” She sniffled, clinging to you for dear life.

“No, of course not… angel-” You were interrupted by two quiet knocks outside your door.

“That’s probably your dad right now…” You sat her down on the kitchen counter, and flounced to the door, ready to give him a piece of your mind, yet you didn’t open it. Since when did Touya start to knock…? You instead peeked through the peephole and almost felt your heart stop. You took a second to think while the second pair of knocks came your way, the lights were on, so there was no way you could hide from the two men standing outside, you looked back at your daughter who was still sitting on the kitchen counter wiping her tears.

“Angel, listen to me… can you please go to your room for a bit?”

“Why? Is it daddy?” She jumped off the counter and ran towards the door ready to open the door, but before she could, you grabbed her hand and forced her to look at you.

“No, sweetie it’s not daddy, There are some… people outside that mommy needs to talk to. Can you please go to your room?”

You could see a hint of fear appear in her eyes, but she nodded nonetheless

“Thank you, angel…” You murmured, giving her the most comforting look you can muster, you kissed her forehead and gestured her to go.

You threw Dabi’s jacket in a nearby closet, hiding it, and took a deep breath, the knocks becoming more consistent. “Just act natural and you’ll be fine.” You mumbled to yourself before opening the door.

⸻⸻⸻⸻

“Y/n?”

“Hello Hawks, Endeavor.” You greeted both heroes standing at your doorstep, you took a quick glance at Hawk’s whose face of confusion quickly turned into a bright smile.

“Wow Y/n, how long has it been?” He grinned, pulling you into a tight hug. “Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever…”

“Yeah, it’s been quite a long time…” You smiled into his jacket. “How’s the hero business?”

“It’s alright,” He chirped, pulling away. “ But I’d rather hear about you, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing alright… do you want to come in?” You asked, trying to avoid Endeavor’s intense gaze. Both men looked at each other for a moment before giving you a quick nod. Endeavor closed the door, looking around before spotting something in a nearby closet that was still slightly cracked open.

“So what brings you here so far from the city, and at my doorstep?”

“Oh well, we were just…. patrolling and I heard you lived here, so I thought I’d stop by…hope you don’t mind,”

“Not at all please make yourselves at home” There was no way they’d be patrolling so far away from the city with all the villains about, something’s not right you thought, trying to keep a cool and rationalized head.

“Do you live alone?” Endeavor questioned, quickly taking his eyes from the closet and stepping next to Hawks.

“Yeah… Why do you-”

Your question was cut off by Hawks gushing. “Ooh, what’s that smell?”

“I was baking a cake for my… niece, her birthday is coming up.”

Hawks looked at your daughter’s drawings which were splattered all across the fridge, “I see…cute drawings your nieces work, I take it.”

“Yeah, she’s quiete the artist.” You chuckled. ”Anyway, how’s life?”

”Eh… same old same old, the commission has been on my ass a lot more since you… left.” Hawks admitted throwing a sad smile your way. You knew he was going to bring that up… due to working with Hawks you became good friends quickly, leading you to work for him in his agency, yet that didn’t last long.

“Yeah, sorry about that…everything just happened so suddenly.” You sighed.

”Yeah I get it…”

“Sorry to interrupt, but could I get your ID?” Endeavor requested.

“What for?”

“Just… protocol I’d like to ask you a few questions if you don’t mind.” He remarked.

You gave him a sceptical look.“Is this an interrogation?” You asked, cocking your eyebrows.

“No, we’d just like to ask you a few questions,”

”About what exactly? What’s going on?”

“Y/n it’s okay the old man is just paranoid, just get the ID so he can calm down and not have a heart attack.” Hawks teased.

“Alright…” You hesitated before walking to your room, the two men watching you as you disappeared out of their sight, Hawks came closer to Endeavor. “You sure you didn’t get the address wrong?“

“No, I don’t make stupid mistakes like that.” Endeavor assured, eyeing your home once again. “So she was working for you?” He pondered, stepping closer to the closet.

“Yeah, she was my sidekick for sometime before dropping her carrier… you can’t possibly believe she’s a villain, right?”

“She could be… look at this…” He opened the closet door and pulled out Dabis jacket for Hawks to see. ”Doesn’t this remind you of something?”

”That’s not evidenced enough maybe she bought it because she liked it.”

”Well, what about those drawings? There’s a figure that looks similar to him.” He replied, checking the jacket’s pockets.

“Maybe the kid just saw it on the news. You know how they are… they’ll draw anything they see.” Hawks mumbled, scraching his head.

Throwing the jacket back into the closet and closing its door, he mouthed. “Something is going on here Hawks and I’m not leaving before I find out what…” Endeavor concluded.

”Or maybe you’re just trying to find something that isn’t there… “ Hawks said, rubbing his temples.

“What do you mean?”

“Endeavor… your son is a sociopath… for all we know he could have been babbling nonsense.”

“You weren’t there, Hawks.” He murmured.

“You might think you know your son but you don’t, he’s-”

Their conversation was interrupted by a sound of the door opening and you appearing in the room.

“Sorry that I took so long, I’m a very messy person…” You looked up at the men who had different emotions plastered on their faces, you quickly took a glance at the closet who was now fully closed. “Is everything alright here?”

“Everything’s fine, miss…” Looking at your ID, Endeavor added. ”L/n”

”So…” You leaned on your kitchen counter, trying to act as calm as possible. “What’d you like to talk about?”

Hawks gave Endeavor a suggestive look and blurted. “I think we should-”

”Take a seat, miss.” Endeavor gestured to your kitchen’s chair before taking a seat to one across, once you did he continued. ”Now miss L/n…”

”Just call me Y/n the whole last name thing makes me feel uncomfortable.” You asserted.

“Right sorry miss Y/n, like I said before, this isn’t an interrogation more of a… personal matter and I’d appreciate it if you could answer my questions honestly.”

”Endeavor…” Hawks hissed.

”Okay, sure, but what is this about?”

”Do you know a villain called Dabi?” Endeavor questioned thoroughly examining your face for any signs of discomfort.

”Of course I do, everyone does… why?”

”We have a reason to think you might know him more personally.” Endeavor moved a little closer, trying to break you with the pressure of the situation.

”I’m not following…”

”Look… you’re not in trouble, whatever you say will stay between us. So please just answer my question…”

“I know of him…” You countered.

You could feel yourself begging to panic. They know don’t they… shit. You took a second to think and remarked.

”I- I… I think I should go and call my lawyer…”

“Y/n…” But before Endeavor could say anything he was interrupted by a sudden muffled sound... like a cry of anger, then another on the back of it: then silence..

”I thought you said you were-” And then came one horrid, dawn long scream. Without thinking, you rushed to your daughter’s room, almost ripping off the door handle. Her room was being consumed by flames, blue flames, her flames, while she stood there frozen in the middle of all the chaos, with a horrified expression, holding up her hands and letting out another terrifying scream. The fire began to spread massively as you grabbed your daughter’s burning hands, not caring if you’ll get burned, and began running towards the exit, the blue flames following not too close behind. When Endeavor and Hawks saw what was happening, they quickly reacted by opening the exit door and grabbing you both when you ran through it, putting some needed distance from the burning house.

Once you were both safe, you kneeled close to your daughter and frantically searched for any injuries while she cried her eyes out. “Are you okay? Angel look at me… are you hurt?”

“I-I’m… so s-sorry mommy.” She choked.

You let yourself breathe for a moment before pulling her into a tight hug while hiding your burnt hand away. ”It’s okay, we’re okay,” You cooed, trying to calm her down, while slowly massaging her back. “Just breathe for me, alright?”

“Cmon, sweetie, look at me…” You slightly pulled away, raising her chin and breathing with her. “And out there ya go.” You wiped her tears away from her red and puffy face. “In and out.”

The two heroes stood quietly next to you observing you, that didn’t matter to you now all that matters was your daughter “Now I need you to explain what happened…?”

”I’m sorry, mommy. I got mad and… and-”

”It’s okay, it’s just a house I’m just glad you’re safe.”

Pulling away from you, she looked you straight in the eyes. ”What about the cake mommy?” You couldn’t help but giggle slightly while the adrenaline still kept pumping in your veins. ”I’ll bake you another one.”

Her eyes suddenly began to lose focus and her body became heavier. ”Angel?” You could feel yourself beginning to panic.

”She just got overwhelmed by her quirk” Endeavor comforted. “She just needs to rest now.”

You gave him a small nod, picking up your daughter and turning back to face your house, which was still being consumed by the blue flames. All the memories, being burned away, you were mad… you weren’t mad at your daughter for not being able to control her newfound quirk; you were at Dabi he was supposed to be here for this, not out on some dumb mission. You winced when you began to feel a sharp sting in one of your hands, the hand you grabbed her with but you held it in, you weren’t important at the moment. You thought about taiking your phone out of your pocket and mentally cursed yourself for leaving it on the kitchen counter early.

Endeavor saw how you checked your pockets and beganning slightly shaking.”You can stay at my place if you’d like…” Endeavor suggested, coming closer to you and your daughter, giving you an understanding look.

“I don’t th-”

”Let me help you… the both of you…” He inclined.

You knew your choices were limited and even if you wanted to; you don’t think he would’ve let you go run off with a child in your hands so… you gave in. “Okay…”

You could hear the sirens getting closer and closer. Endeavor looked at Hawks, who caught the hint easily. “I’ll handle it, you two have a lot of things to talk about anyway…” Hawks sighed, turning away from you.

You could tell he understood the situation perfectly and wasn’t happy about it.

“Hawks…I’m sorry…”

”We’ll talk later.” He mumbled.

 ⸻⸻⸻⸻

You followed Endeavor back to his car, which wasn’t parked too far. You gently sat your daughter in the backseat, putting the seatbelt on. Before you pulled away, she grabbed your hand and murmured something. “Mommy?”

”It’s okay, honey, go back to sleep.” You quietly cooed, giving her a quick kiss on her cheek.

”Don’t tell daddy… please… he’ll get mad” She whispered before succumbing to her slumber once again. You sighed and closed the car’s door. While driving past your house you saw the firefighters trying to save anything for what was left, while Hawks talked to one of the fire chiefs.

You took a deep breath, turning around to check on your daughter. She was peacefully sleeping, letting out a couple of snores. That’s one way to celebrate a birthday, you thought while pulling out your burnt hand in which the pain was becoming a bit irritating.

“There are some bandages in the glove compartment,”

“Oh…” You looked at him and mumbling a thank you. You opened up the glove compartment and found the bandages, wrapping them around the burnt flesh of your arm and ripping away the rest when you were done.

The road ahead was going to be long, since you lifted quiet a few hours from the main city, and sitting there in silence wouldn’t do the both of you any good. So you decided to start the conversation, but before you could, he spoke first.

“She reminds me of Touya when he was younger… he almost set our house on fire once too….of course, we stopped him… before it got worse but our neighbors complained for weeks-” He took a glance at you and stopped talking, he could see that you were worried, he could almost hear your thoughts going a hundred miles a minute.

”He’s alive Y/n.”

You raised your eyes from the car’s floor and looked at him. ”How do you know that?”

“Today our fight got a little intense and my youngest son… Shoto accidentally impaled him with his ice quirk.”

Impaled…?

”Will he-”

”He’s fine now, he had to go under an operation but he made it… he’s alive and well Y/n”

You could just sense the but coming, not wanting to overthink the situation further, you straight up asked him. “But?”

“He’s in a coma, not deep one the doctors say he’ll wake up in a few days or so.”

“I see… thank you.”

You looked at him for a minute and in those dim street lights you finally saw him for what he truly was; you didn’t see the man Touya once told you about; you didn’t see the big number one hero everybody relied on to keep them safe; you saw a tired, broken man. The small dark circles under his eyes became clearer, the look on his face plastered with guilt.

After a few minutes of silence, he spoke again.

“He was the one who told me how to find you.”

“Why did you? You had the choice to walk away, yet you still showed up. Why is that?” You wandered.

“I’m not sure, I just did,”

You looked back at your daughter once more, gathering up the courage to ask the question which was spinning in your head nonstop; you turned around and let your gaze fall on the road ahead.

“Will you… will you take her away? Give her to someone else?”

He sighed and chuckled lightly.

“As a hero, that probably would be the right thing to do,” He said, tapping on the wheel lightly. “But I think I’ve done enough damage to this family as it is…I think I should be a father for once…think I own him that much and more, I want to do right by him. It’s my fault he became like this, I was too focused on-” He didn’t dare finish the sentence instead changing the topic to something more lighthearted.

“Can’t believe I have a grandchild already… it won’t be too long before my hair starts falling out,”

“Two…” You corrected him.

“Two?” One glance at your stomach told him everything he needed to know. “Well, you guys have been busy..” He responded jokingly. He glanced at your daughter for a second through his rearview mirror “What’s her name?”

“D/n,”

He thought for a moment that responded, “I like it…”

“I’m glad.” You chirped, giving him a heartfelt smile. “Touya picked it out.”

“So…” He cleared his throat. “A former hero and a villain that must have been one hell of a story.”

“That it was.”

“Well, we have time… care to share?” He proposed.

When you finally arrived at Endeavor’s household, Hawks was already standing there with a smirk on his face. “Took you guys long enough.”

You rolled your eyes, opening the back door, slowly tapping your daughter’s shoulder. “D/n wake up.”

She slowly opened her eyes, yawning and stretching her arms up. “Where are we?”

“You’re at my house” Endeavor responded, still sitting in the driver’s seat.

Your daughter looked at him clearly confused, “Do you know him, mommy?” Your daughter pondered, pointing at Endeavor.

”I do, sunshine he’s…” You stopped for a moment, giving Endeavor a quick glance. “Your grandfather…”

Your daughter was quiet for a moment before bursting out the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. ”Really?”

Endeavor gave you a side glance, feeling a bit astonished that you would tell your daughter the truth so quickly, but extended his hand for a handshake, nonetheless.  “Yeah. It’s nice to meet you D/n. Please make yourself at home.”

He didn’t even have the time to object by how fastly your daughter pulled him out of the car, dragging him closer to the house and talking his ear off. Yet for some reason he couldn’t muster the courage to pull away, letting himself be led by your daughter quietly listening to her.

You walked over to Hawks, whose smirk was wearing off and turning into something else.

“Well, I’m off.” He blurted. But before he could leave, you grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving. ”Wait… can we talk?”

“Y/n…”

“Please?”

He gave you a hesitant nod and turned around to face you.

“Are you mad?”

He was quiet for a few seconds, but you knew by the look of his face he was soon going to explode and that it was certainly overdue.

”Well, what do you think? Y/n I thought…” He sighed. “I thought we were closer than this…. how did you think I felt when you just suddenly left,” He scoffed? “You were my closest friend, and you didn’t even give me a proper goodbye nor an explanation and when I began calling, you blocked me and didn’t even tell me where you were going or when you were going to come back,”

“One text…a single fucking text… that would’ve been enough for me…. just to know that you were okay, that you were safe but no…. silence for eight fucking years.”

“And now I learn that you’re together with that… sociopath. How stupid can you be?” He jeered.

“Hawks-”

”He’s a murderer Y/n he kills people for a living.” He walked closer to you, looking at your stomach. “How did that- this even happen?”

“Fuck.”He began to pace around “Why? Just why?” He stopped for a second, gently grabbing both of your arms a look of fear showing on his face. “Did he force himself on you?”

”What?”

“Did Dabi-”

You pulled away and calmly explained. ”No, he didn’t. look… me and him… we were together even before I became your sidekick we’ve known each other for a very long time and when I found out I was… pregnant, I just decided to focus on the baby rather than my career that’s why I left.”

You looked at Hawks who’s expression told you everything you needed to know, confusion, anger, sadness, and much more.

“You’ll be lucky if Endeavor doesn’t call the-”

”I’m not concerned about him… I’m more concerned about you…” You retorted.

He stopped pacing and looked you dead in the eye. “Y/n… can you really stand here and tell me that girl is safe living with him?” He questioned.

“Yes, she’s-”

”He’s unstable Y/n one day he can act all father like and the next he’ll-”

”Don’t…” You interrupted him “Look I know you’re looking out for me and you’re worried but trust me he loves-”

”Listen to me… don’t you think that if he really loved you, he would’ve dropped the villain business already? All he cares about is revenge can’t you see that?” He snapped.

Taking a deep breath and trying to compose himself, he looked back at your stomach, then back at you. “Your kids shouldn’t be worried about when their screw-up of a father would be back home. They should be enjoying their life to the fullest, going to an actual school, making friends… Look, I can help, I can pull some strings here and there but Dabi…Y/n he has to go.”

“So what? I should just leave? Hawks… I love him… He’s the father of my children. I won’t just abandon him without a word. I’ll talk to him once he wakes up, maybe he’ll-”

“Y/n…” He looked at you, seeing your determined face, he knew he couldn’t convince you otherwise, so he just sighed. “Do what you want… just remember he isn’t your primary concern, he can decide for himself, but your kids…they can’t. They need you to guide them and teach them how to make the right choices and… sometimes the right choices are the toughest to make.”

You stood there quietly, not knowing what to say before he spoke again.

“I’ll be going now, I have some paperwork I have to fill out.”

“Hawks…”

Before he flew off, he took one last look at you and said, “If you change your mind, give me a call.”

                         That was a week ago. You and Endeavor or Enji grew closer together. You will never forget the conversation you two had the first night you came to the Todoroki residence.

“I feel like such a failure,” you sighed. “I wasn’t even prepared for her quick to- and... I couldn’t even do anything for her… and the whole villainy thing-”

”Have you ever… you know, asked him to quit?”

You thought for a second. ”No… I haven’t…”

”Well, why not?” He wondered.

“I just never bothered, I guess? Always thought he’d… ”

Leave…

Enji could see the regret in your eyes and fear. ”Well, why not try it? Don’t let Hawks mess with your head… in truth nor me nor Hawks know Touya as you do, but from what you’ve told me, I feel like he truly… cares for you. I mean, even when he was on the brink of death, he was thinking about how to get back to you….Talk to him before you decide what you want to do.”

“And I don’t think you’re a failure, both of them,” He gestured to your stomach. “Are lucky to have you as their mother. So don’t take what Hawks said to heart, he might still be holding a little grudge about how you both left things.”

You smiled calmy slowly pushing all the over thought thoughts away. “Thank you, Endeavor.”

”Enji.” He corrected.

”Thank you… Enji for saying that.”

“You should go get some rest and tomorrow we can both visit Touya if you’d like.”

“Yeah, I’d like that, but I’m not sure about D/n… seeing him like this wouldn’t do her any good.” You looked at your little daughter who was now sleeping knocked out on the couch.

“I’ll ask Fuyumi to babysit her,”

”Yeah that be nice...”

Fuyumi came over the next day, slightly confused about her father’s sudden call in the middle of the night, more confused why a little girl who resembled Touya was standing in his residence with a woman claiming to be Touya’s lover. After some needed explanation on both sides, your daughter became very close with her newfound cousin and slowly wrapped her around her finger...

After a few days, Enji started to train your daughter on how to use her quirk. She was a little bit scared at first, but now she loved it and nagged Enji to show her new tricks. You loved the way he managed to replace the fear and hatred that you saw in your daughter’s eyes that night with happiness and excitement for her quirk. Once, after a long and tiring patrol, you caught Enji sleeping with your daughter on the couch. You couldn’t help yourself but take a picture for Touya to see later.

Speaking of Touya…he still wasn’t waking up, it’s been almost two weeks since that night, and yet, nothing, no progress. You visited every day sitting in that room for hours on end, talking to him and telling him everything that had happened recently, but after those terrible weeks of holding everything in for your daughter and your baby you finally broke down next to his hospital bed. You gently took his hand, squeezing tightly for comfort. “Hey Touya, it’s me again…” You sniffled, trying to not let your emotions get the better of you.

“It’s uh, been two weeks now… D/n… she’s getting better with her quirk.” Swallowing a lump, you cooed. “But she misses you, like a lot… she’s talking about you nonstop to…” You took a long, deep breath. “Endeavor… he’s been…” You looked at Touya, whose face stayed the same. You stayed quiet for a minute, the silence slowly driving you insane, you could faintly hear the receptionist clock ticking, second by second, minute by minute… and then you broke down.

“Dammit… that’s enough… this has gone long enough I won’t have it and not another day more do you hear me? I’ve done everything… I’ve waited, I’ve prayed… I’ve talked to you… I begged you, I’m out of things to do now…and I’m scared, I’m so scared,” Wiping the tears off your face you sobbed. “And I’m mad… I don’t mean to be, but I am… I’m mad at everything… I’m mad at you…. you hear me, Frankenstein? I need you to open your eyes and scold me for being such a crybaby.” You whispered, still not letting go of his hand.

“Your family has been so sweet, they uh been trying to take care of me, take care of us, trying to get me to eat something, to lie down, and your dad,” You massaged his knuckles. “He’s been training our little angel all about her quirk, he’s so gentle with her I wish you could see it… and Fuyumi she’s completely under her spell, she follows her everywhere, they do everything together.”

“D/n has been dreaming a lot about you lately.. and telling everyone how good you are, you mean the world to her, and me…so I need you-” You let your head fall to rest at his side. ”I need you to open your eyes,…just do it… open them…hear my voice? Come towards my voice…”

“Squeeze my hand.” You whispered. “Please…”

You quickly sat up when you felt a faint squeeze of your hand. Not believing it, you asked again. “Do it again,” Again a light little squeeze, a weak one, but it was there, he was there. “I felt that...’’ You blubbered, wiping away the last bit of tears. ”Open your eyes, I know you hear me… c’mon…” You could see his eyelashes flutter slightly before he slowly began to open his eyes.

”Oh my god… Touya..” You could see that he was still a bit out of it, and the way he slightly whimpered told you that he was in pain.

You quickly got up and rushed to the door, opening it and calling for a nurse.

You could see the surprised look on their faces before they began to move and appeared right on his side. Dabi quickly sat up from the bed with a still cloudy mind and got ready to use his quirk before you rushed to his side, trying to calm down.

“Hey don’t panic you’re alright, easy… lay back down you’re safe, we’re in a hospital, you got hurt in a fight and… do you remember that?”

He gave you a brief nod, before messaging his forehead to tone down the headache.

“You’ve been asleep for a few days…But you’re alright now… “

The nurses quickly did a few checkups on Dabi and told you that he was alright and left the two of you alone to talk.

”See, they’re all done, and I’m right here…” You cooed once again taking his hand and squeezing it.

”You look like shit doll.” He murmured with a groggy voice.

“Speak for yourself, you idiot…” you scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Are the meds kicking in yet?”

“Mhm.” He looked around the room. “Where’s D/n?” You could see the slight panic in his eyes.

“She’s okay, she’s with Endeavor.” You comforted.

”Endeavor? Why is she with that old asshole?” He mumbled, trying to sit up.

”Well-”

He however stopped in his tracks and grabbed your hand, turning it and looking at your burnt hand, which was now decorated by a scar. ”Did that fucker-”

“No, no calm down let me explain…” You said with a small panicky voice.

It didn’t take you that long to explain what happened, there wasn’t a lot to tell, you could feel Dabi squeezing your hand when you talked about your daughter’s little adventure, but besides that, he was taking it surprisingly calmly, ”She burned the whole house down.” He repeated. “I don’t know if I should feel proud or terrified.” He joked.

”Yeah” You sighed.

Dabi thought for a second before giving your hand one last squeeze and hesitantly asking. ”Think you can call her for me?”

“Sure, but hey… don’t beat yourself up too much alright?.” You cooed, getting your phone out and calling Endeavor.

He picked up after a few seconds and you asked him for D/n; it took a few minutes before he actually found her and gave her the phone. You quickly gave it to Dabi.

”Hi mommy.” She chirped.

Dabi cleared his throat, trying not to scare his daughter too much.“Hey sunshine, happy late birthday.”

”Daddy…” She whispered, before bursting into tears.

”Hey it’s okay…” Dabi mumbled trying to calm her down.” How have you been?”

You could hear her sobbing.

“Aw, angel, don’t cry it’s okay, I’m okay,”

”I’ve m-missed… you s-so much…” She bawled.

”Me too… I missed you too..” He answered with a controlled smile plastered on his face. After a few seconds, he pulled away from the phone holding it in his hands, a tad confused “She hung up on me.” He blurted.

”She probably got too excited.” You chuckled.

He gave you your phone back pulling you onto the bed with him, after a few seconds you received a text..”It’s Endeavor…he says they’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”

You slowly turned around to face him, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. Dabi looked at you with a teasing smile.“My lips are feeling left out doll.”

He leaned into a kiss, but before he could pull you in, you placed your hand on his lips, stopping him from doing so. He looked at you confused. You pulled away, getting off the bed and taking a seat in the same chair you sat only moments ago. Dabi was surprised by your sudden mood change. One minute you’re here resting in his arms, and the next you’re so far away.

”What’s wrong?”

You looked at him with a sad smile decorating your face and sighed. “I can’t do this anymore, Touya. I…I hate this... I was so scared that you would-“ You took a deep breath in. ”I never wanted it to come to this but… I can’t do this anymore and I’m drawing the line”

“Listen to me… don’t you think that if he really loved you, he would’ve dropped the villain business already? All he cares about is revenge can’t you see that?”

”What are you trying to say?”

“Do what you want… just remember he isn’t your primary concern, he can decide for himself,”

With a serious tone and fire in your eyes, you looked him and with a collected tone you said., “Quit the league or…. I’ll go… and... I’ll take the kids with me.”

"Sometimes the right choices are the toughest to make.”

“You can’t do that.” He stated, a hint of fear shining in his eyes.

”I can and I will, enough is enough Touya… let it go... we can start a new life together, a fresh start… somewhere away from all of this insanity, we can go anywhere you like, we can even take on new names and live entirely different life together, a life where our kids can have both of their parents;

”Y/n…”

You stood up and walked towards the door. You stopped in front of it and looked back. ”I’m giving you a choice Touya, please pick the right one. For me…for us…” You mumbled, opening and closing the door, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

@beybladesmaid

[thescreamingraven]

A Little Bit of a Falling Out

Dabi x reader

Genre/warmings: Fluff and angst, swearing

Words: 1 835

Summary: You and Dabi have a long awaited conversation.

It was a pleasant Sunday morning, which you were planning to spend with your boyfriend. Dabi didn’t have any ‘jobs’ to do that day… or so you thought.

You looked at him with your best puppy eyes you could muster, while he was putting on his jacket.

“You promised that I’d get to have you all weekend. Why can’t you tell Shiggi to fuck off and come back to bed?”

“You know I can’t. This might be the best chance we have to get closer to that Midoria kid. Therefore, it’s important.”

“And I’m not?���

He sat down beside you.

“Of course you are, I promise I won’t be long. I’ll be back before you know it and when I do come back, we can do those stupid couple activities you’re always nagging me about,”

He leaned in closer, and you started to feel light tingles all over your body. His scent overtaking all of your senses. Dabi saw your face becoming flustered from only him being close.

“Aw so needy aren’t you” He smirked. His lips getting closer to yours that you could almost taste him. He pulled you into a fierce kiss, claiming your mouth as if it was his to own, overtaking the last bit of control you had. You were completely unaware of how your fingers slipped under his shirt, touching him all over, your arousal getting more and more intense. You let out a small moan as his tongue became more wild. That must have set him off, because he quickly pushed you down to the bed, pinning you down beneath him, completely helpless at his mercy. When he finally pulled away, you were shaking with desire.

“Did I not leave you satisfied last night?” He asked.

“Y-you did” You answered, still trying to catch your breath.

He slightly lifted your chin, the feeling of wanting him closer grew more unbearable. “I like it when your needy.” He leaned down and buried his face against your neck. “How about I give you something to remember me by while I’m gone? Would you like that sweetness?” He placed his lips against your neck and sucked hard on the skin. When he pulled away, he grinned at the shinning new red mark he had left.

“Sorry babe, but that is as much as your getting right now.”

You rolled your eyes. “You are such an asshole,”

“Just try to have some patience. It’s a two-day mission at most,” He gave you a quick kiss. “Try not to get into too much trouble while I’m gone.”

“Yes, sir” You gave him a mocking salute as he walked through your shared bedroom door. He closed the door behind him not before giving you a final teasing smirk.  

                                   -------------------------------------------

“Hey babe, did you miss me?” He asked as he walked through the door with that classic smirk on his face.

3 months… you didn’t hear from him for 3 months. Not a single call or text, nothing. For all you knew, he could lay dead in an alley somewhere. And after all that, he just barges in like nothing happened. Like he wasn’t missing for 3 months. He didn’t look that bad he had a few scapes and cuts but nothing life threatening. Without a word you pulled him into your apartment, closing the door behind you. You sat him down on the couch.

“Wait here, I’ll bring the first aid kit.” You quickly murmured as you walked to your shared bedroom.

It didn’t take that long to stich him up, but the entire time you did, awkward silence was filling the room. He only spoke after you finished.

“You seem more quiet than usual. Are you upset with me?” He spoke with concern in his voice. He looked at you, scanning your face for some kind of answer.

“I just missed you is all,” You mumbled. “You’ve been gone for a long time,”

“I know, I’m sorry, but how about I’ll make it up to you?” He cupped your face and leaned in for a kiss. You missed his presence, his smell, his touch. Dabi was a dangerous man filled with secrets and mysterious aura about him, but most importantly he was addictive. Like a drug you could never stop taking. He gave you pleasure so intense you could never get enough. But he never trusted you with his emotional baggage, which you knew he had. Every time you brought it up he would either change the subject or get mildly annoyed, which would start a big fight, ending with Dabi just leaving. After you’d both calm down, he’d come back to ‘apologise’.

His form of apology was just to have sex, that’s all. And after all those three months of thinking, you finally gasped at the reality of how fragile and insignificant your relationship truly was. How easy it was to just pretend that everything’s alright and forget your issues…

When you came back to, he was already on top of you with his shirt off. Lust radiating from him. The smell of smoke and fire filled your nostrils. You were both breathing heavily; he reached out to remove your shirt.

“Wait” You mumbled, trying to stop yourself from doing the thing you’d regret later.

“Hm, what is it?” He cocked his eyebrow and looked down on you, his dangerous lust filled blue eyes piercing you.

“We need to talk…” You whispered hesitantly. ”Can’t we do it after? You don’t know how much I missed this body of yours. And oh… I can tell you missed me too” He grinned, leaning down and gently kissing your neck. The warmth of his bare chest against you, his touches were all so inviting. But you knew not to give in.

“No, It’s important.” You looked at him with a determent look in your eyes.

“Alright” He got off slightly concerned and got his shirt back on.

“So what do you want to talk?”

 “Our relationship.” You took a deep breath.

“I’m mad at you…” You murmured, turning away from him. “You were missing for almost 3 months and you… you didn’t even try to tell me you were alive… For all I knew you could’ve been laying dead in some godforsaken alley.”

 He gently took your chin in one hand and turned your face so that he could look into your eyes. “The mission was dangerous, I didn’t want to worry you.”

 “I will always worry about you” You uttered finally meeting his gaze. “I stayed up countless nights waiting for you to come back, or text, or anything. “

You took his hands and held them tight. “Look, I know you hate the hero society but the way your doing things… it’s not right. You put yourself in danger, and for what? For some feeling of fulfillment, accomplishment?”

He rolled his eyes and sneered, “Not this again.” He took his hands away.

“I want to help you, I do, but your always pushing me away. If you just talked to me more…”

“Don’t start with this ‘I need to be more open bullshit’. And who told you that I need your help? I’m not some fucking damsel in distress,” He’s getting defense, you thought. He was always like this too: hotheaded for his own good… literally.

“I know your not, I’m not saying that you are. Do you not trust me… is that it? Do you think I’ll hurt you? Turn you in?”

“Stop,” He grumbled, annoyed.

”Or is this your way of protecting me?” You asked, trying to sound confident.

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“Well then, tell me I’ll try to understand… I’ll try to help,” You mumbled.

“Don’t you have anything better to do than make some fantasies in that head of yours? Where did you get the idea that I need your help!?” He snapped.

There was silence for few seconds before he spoke again. With that annoying emotionless voice of his. “Look, trust me, you don’t want to get into this. Not yet,”

“Trust…, do we even have that in our relationship? I don’t know who you are or what you do most of time, hell I don’t even know when your birthday is. I don’t want our relationship to just be about you coming over to fuck me whenever you’re bored. That isn’t how a genuine relationship works…”

“Well, sorry sweetness, but if you want ‘a genuine relationship’ you came to the wrong guy. I told you from the very beginning I’m not like everyone else, I can’t give you what you want,”

“I’m not asking you to be like everyone else, but just some kind of drop of compassion or some empathy would be nice in a while,” You shot back. You got up and started pacing around to calm your nerves. You took a deep breath.

“Look okay, you kill Endeavor and whoever else you have in your little revenge plan. Then what? You think you’ll just magically get better?” You finally turned around and looked at him. “That hatred that you have inside it won’t go anywhere.”

“Can you just stop? This why I don’t come over anymore because when I do I feel like I’m being interrogated.”

“Well, maybe if you-”

“Drop it,” He barked.

“I can’t sit by and do nothing when you’re suffering like this,” You objected.

“You don’t know when to stop, do you?” He stood up from the couch and started approaching you. You’ve seen Dabi angry before, but this was different. The way his eyes were looking at you.

“Dabi, you’re scaring me…” You tensed.

You could see the steam raising from his hands, the look on his face was like nothing you’ve seen before. Deep down you knew he could never hurt you, but your instincts overcame any little reassurance you had. You closed your eyes and let down your head and waited for his next move.

“You’re trembling…” He uttered under his breath. When you finally looked up to him and saw his face, you knew the damage was done. He looked broken.

He quickly turned around and walked off to your shared bedroom. You snapped out of whatever trance you were in and followed him.

“I’m leaving.” He mumbled. He grabbed his phone off the counter and his jacket, which was lying on the floor, and headed towards the door. You stepped in front of him, blocking his way. “Wait, let’s talk about this,” You pleaded.

Dabi looked down on you, his mind replaying the image of you cowering from him. He would never hurt you… he thought you knew that… so why were you so scared of him?

“I think It’s better if we don’t see each other for a while.” He murmured with the same stern expression on his face. He nuzzled you to the side.

You grabbed his hand in your last effort to stop him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” You sobbed, tears falling from your face.

He gently and swiftly removed your hand and opened the door and stepped through it. When he was a few meters away from your place, you shouted. “You can’t keep running forever you know!”

He shot you a last look with those deep blue eyes of his.

“Watch me,” He mumbled under his breath as he disappeared into the night.

[thescreamingraven]

Can you make a part 2 to “A promise” and tag meeeeeee😺❤️

Omg sure😁😁😁

[thescreamingraven]

A promise

Dabi x reader

Genre/warnings: Fluff and angst, domestic, slight mentions of injury.

Words:  2 203

Summary:  A promise is something to be kept then why do you insist on breaking it?

“Mom! Daddy’s home” Your daughter screamed at the top of her lungs as she charged to the door. When it opened, Dabi couldn’t even get one foot in your house before she clung to him.

“I’m home.” Dabi smiled softly, picking up his little girl.

You appeared from the kitchen and approached the two of them. “Welcome home.” You cooed gently, reaching up and running your fingers through Dabi’s hair.

It’s been like that for a few years, peaceful and quiet.. It was a bit difficult at first, when you told Dabi you were pregnant and were planning to keep it; he started to avoid you, ignoring your calls and messages, but after some soul searching he came around. You both knew deep down that it was the right thing to do, even if it was going to be difficult.

After that, you both quickly bought a small house together in a safe area outside the city. You took a break from heroism and Dabi stopped going on missions for a while. The nine months were tough with your hormones taking a toll and Dabi being not the most patient person ever, it had an impact on your relationship. Also, the fear of bringing a new life into this corrupted world wasn’t the best either, but here you were… countless sleepless nights later.

Your little girl was almost eight now, which was exciting on its own. She was the perfect picture of her dad. You sometimes wondered if she got any genes from you or was it all her Dabi. Who knew that a hero and villain could create someone so pure, so sweet, so innocent and so loud…

You leaned against your kitchen counter and looked at the two most important people in your life. Your daughter was sitting in Dabi’s lap babbling about her day and showing the pictures you helped her draw. You instinctively touched your stomach. “We need to tell him” You whispered to yourself, rubbing small circles on your stomach.

You decided to try a new recipe you saw online, which proved to be quite a challenge. It was something you never cooked before and the steps were confusing. You massaged your temples and jumped a bit when you felt someone’s arms around you.

“Here, let me help, you must be tired…” Dabi Purred as he took the knife you’ve had in your hands and placed it on the counter after that he gently kissed your cheek

“Well, hello to you too.” You giggled, relaxing into his warmth.

“Your shoulders feel a bit stern.” He said placing a kiss on your shoulder and reaching to get another cutboard from the upper cabinet.

“I’m fine. I didn’t even do that much today.” You mumbled picking up the knife once again.

“Still….” He looked at his daughter who was scribbling something on a piece of paper, from this angle she looked like an angel, deep down he still couldn’t believe that it was his daughter, even if she did look a lot like him. “She can be a little… active sometimes.”

He looked at your phone. “New recipe, huh?”

“Yea thought I’d try cooking something new.”

“How do I… cut this?” You murmured to yourself, holding the knife horizontally.

“If you do that you’ll cut yourself, Hold on, give me your hands,” Dabi said as he once again stood behind you, intertwining his hands with yours and assisting you in cutting.

“Getting handsy, huh?” You teased.

“Don’t get any ideas miss, I’m taken,” He looked at you and nuzzled slightly into your neck “And happily so.”

You giggled, planting a small kiss on his cheek.

“Have you ever cooked this before?” You asked soothingly.

“I cooked something similar, I think… When I was little, I need to help out a lot because of my siblings, so I learned how to cook.” He explained. “I think my mom used to cook something similar.”

“Huh, maybe you should drop this whole villainy thing and become a chef.” You chuckled, turning around to face him.

“Oh yeah, I’ll conquer the world with my amazing cooking skills…” He remarked, pulling you closer.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and scratched his scalp gently. You both looked at your daughter, who was now distracted by the TV.

“You know she’s really excited about her birthday tomorrow.” You chirped.

“Did she ask for that dog again?” He smirked.

Tell him

“You okay?”

Now or never, just spit it out

“She asked for a puppy again.” You mumbled turning your back on him, once again focusing on your dish, Dabi cocked his eyebrow and sighed.

“No, seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” You smiled faintly. “I’m just glad your back is all.”

You glanced at him and saw that he wasn’t going to let this go, so before he could continue pressing the matter, you mumbled. “I think it’s finished… think you can get her?”

He gave you a suspicious look but nodded nonetheless. He walked towards your daughter while you began to set the table.

He sat down near her, patting her head. “Dinners ready.” He cooed softly.

Before she could get up, he gently pulled her into a hug and whispered. “Mommy seems a bit off today, do you know why?”

“No, but,” She hesitated and looked at her father, he gave her a slight nod and she continued “Mommy cried today… I asked her why but she didn’t tell me…”

“I see,” he mumbled. “Well, get your butt to the kitchen.”

“But my drawing…”

“You can finish it later…” He chirped slightly patting her back.

She gave him her drawing “Do you like it?”

“Of course I do now, cmon” He picked her up while her loud giggles filled the room “time to eat.

The dinner went by quietly while your daughter’s favorite cartoons played in the background you and Dabi barely kept any conversation going. The guilt of keeping it from him grew bigger and bigger by the minute.

Dabi could see that you were nervous about something, but decided not to start that kind of discussion in front of your kid. The last thing she needs is to worry about her parents fighting, he thought.

When the dinner ended, you suggested washing the dishes while Dabi put your daughter to sleep. It didn’t take you that long to finish and the stars outside looked so gorgeous tonight, so you decided to go get some fresh air and do some soul searching, so you put on Dabi’s jacket and your shoes and stepped outside. The night was warm with no trail of wind anywhere; the crickets were loudly chirping. You looked up at the sky and got lost in it; it was difficult not to, There were so many stars, different sizes, ones brighter than the others. You were so overwhelmed by the night’s sky that you didn’t even notice Dabi coming up to you and leaning down on the porch next to you.

“Have room for one more?”

You jumped slightly.

“Sorry didn’t see you there…” You gasped.

“But Yes, I think there’s one more free spot right here.” You teased, tapping the railing, signaling him to get closer, and he did. He wrapped one of his hands around you and pulled you in.

“She’s something else huh..?” He quietly mumbled, “Hell, I still can’t believe that’s she’s ours… we made her…”

With a sigh, he gently turned your face so you would meet his gaze.

“Tell me what’s wrong”

Before you could say anything he quickly interrupted, “Don’t say nothing, I know you well enough to know when something is bothering you.”

You let your head fall, scared to meet his gaze.

“Were you going to tell me?” You asked with simple directness. “About the mission.”

“Oh…” He sighed. “You heard that…”

You gave him a sad smile “Yeah,” You finally lifted your head facing his piercing blue eyes.

“You never keep things for me….” You murmured. “So wh-?”

”Your doctor left you a voicemail.” he said with a casual tone. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He saw your expression change like lighting, and the look of guilt replaced any frustration you might have had.

He’s going to leave you.

You should’ve told him before it was too late.

“I…” You signed, “I was going to tell you…”

“When?”

You hesitated. “Soon…?”

“Bullshit,” He snapped. “two months Y/n, that’s a long time. And you know what’s worse, I had to find out from your doctor… and on accident too.”

“I’m sorry.” You Sniffled. “I just…” Suddenly it became all too overwhelming, and you began to sob. “I thought… I thought maybe, you didn’t want it… and maybe you’d leave… like l-last time”

He saw you break down before his eyes. “Y/n…” He pulled you into his warm embrace, slowly messaging your back.

“Look at me.” He cupped your cheeks and made you face him. “I want this… alright?”

“R- really?”

“Yes, of course, I do…” He cooed softly, wiping away your tears with his thumb. “you’re not getting rid of me that easily. And besides, I’m happy that our little angel will get a sibling, maybe she’ll calm down a bit.” He smiled.

“I just wish you’ve told me…” He pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Let’s go inside, we wouldn’t want you to get sick now would we.”

You lay entangled in Dabi’s arms, feeling his slow and calm heartbeat, while he draws small circles on your back.

“So is it dangerous?” You finally broke the silence.

“No, just some basic stuff. Don’t worry, it won’t take that long… I’ll be home before morning. It will be like I never left.”

You lifted your head from Dabi’s chest.

“You know she’ll be crushed if you don’t come.” You murmured, nuzzling away a stray of hair from his face.

“I will, I promise, I’ll come back to you… and when I do…” we can both go pick up that mutt she keeps babbling on about.”

You repeated confusingly. “Mutt?” You giggled. “You got her a dog.”

“Quiet,” He shushed.

“You’re such a softie Toya… where did my big evil villain go?” You teased.

“Shut up you snot,” He pressed your head back on his chest “it’s your fault you know you did this,” he retorted.

Before sleep could overtake, you whispered something to him.

“I love you… please come back to me…”

“I love you too Y/n, and I will that’s a promise”

After that, you slowly drifted away to a deep slumber.

Half of the city laid in ashes, the street where Dabi was thrown during his little encounter only had one street light left. He slowly began to crawl to a nearby boulder thrown by none other than Endeavor himself. It was supposed to be a simple low-key mission; they needed to retrieve some supplies from one of their warehouses. How did something so insignificant attract the hero’s attention?

“I know you’re there, old man, you can come out. Noth-” He winced in pain, trying to at least slow down the bleeding. “I can’t really do anything now.”

He could see two figures approaching him, yet even in the dead of night, he knew who they were.

“You know I never thought that Shoto would-” he coughed.

“But you did it, you actually did it.” He chuckled.

Both figures quickly appeared before him, kneeling down next to him, talking about something Dabi could barely understand. He looked at Shoto, who was seemed to be panicking. “We need to get him help.” Endeavor stated while wrapping something around Dabi’s torso.

“I knew this day would come… eventually, I just didn’t expect you to-” Dabi began to cough drastically.

“Stop talking, son, and save your strength.” Endeavor advised.

“He’s bleeding out fast.” Shoto shuddered while trying to keep constant pressure on the wound. “Keep your eyes open, Toya. “Shoto pleaded.

“You’re such a softie Toya… where did my big evil villain go?”

Dabi tried to push himself up, mumbling something under his breath, but Shoto stopped him. “I can’t die here… I promised her… I-” Dabi started to tremble.

“I think he’s confused.” Shoto blurted.

“I love you… please come back to me…”

“Just hold on alright? We’ll get you some help.” Endeavor comforted.

Dabi could feel himself getting colder, he could feel himself slipping away. So he made a decision. He pulled Endeavor closer by his collar.

“Listen, you old bastard.” he coughed. “124th. Cherry street.”

Endeavor stared at him, confused and dumbfounded, not knowing what to do.

“Repeat it to me.” Dabi barked.

“124th. Cherry street.”

“Good. If I don’t make it Keep them safe for me…” Dabi winced in pain. “And tell…. tell, ” Dabi mumbled something under his breath, before slowly passing out.

The sound of the sirens was blocked by Shotos screaming and Endeavor murmuring something like a chant or prayer. Yet the only thing that Dabi could hear was the voices that sounded almost angelic. They pulled him deeper into the darkness like sirens luring him into a song he could never leave.

“I love you… please come back to me…”

“I love you too Y/n, and I will, that’s a promise”