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Wish I knew what I know now when…

This is a re-post of my first real piece of writing, from about a year ago as a guest author on a site that was a big inspiration for this adventure we are on.  You should follow him too, he is the best on Tumblr.  The only one I actually seek out to see what he has posted.   Check out his blog here: Lifestyle of the Unemployed In January 2014, my wife and I donated or sold almost all of our belongings (house, cars, furniture, clothes) to live abroad and travel as much as possible.  We live in London now.  I flew us to Paris for Valentine’s Day; we came back to Texas for our wedding in March.  We leave for a weekend in Amsterdam tomorrow and still scouting where to spend Easter.  Canary Islands or Majorca?…  This all sounds exciting and it has been - we have found that big change has two edges.  It’s very important to pay attention to yourself and how you handle change.  All of this reflection reminds me of something I heard all the time growing up that I simultaneously loved and hated to hear:   “I wish I knew what I know now when I was your age” I hated hearing it because I thought it meant I was immature and didn’t know shit (which was/is probably true.)  At the same moment I saw that as an opportunity to learn something.   I am 33 now and still learning.  For what it is worth, here are the things that I am glad I have learned over the years:

Watch your habits / vices:  Alcoholism runs in my family.  It killed my grandfather.  Combined with smoking and other bad habits, the men in my family haven’t had long lifespans.  My college days in the fraternity house proved those movies accurate.  Booze and cigarettes.  I was following along my family tree nicely.  Post graduation, I realized I want to change this part of my heritage starting with me; threw the pack of smokes out the window and I started with running and racing triathlons.  In 2011, I crossed the finish line and heard “YOU are an Ironman.”  The tears in my eyes were because I felt that I had made a big step within myself that would influence my future family and others around me.   Shut the F*CK up:  I talk too much.  Always have.  However, I admire the strong quiet types.  I am in sales and have learned that silence is very powerful (this works in relationships too.)  There are lots of anecdotes about “hearing vs. listening” and “you have two ears one mouth, use them in proportion,” etc.  Bottom line, I have learned if I just shut my mouth, it keeps my foot out of it and I can think better and communicate more effectively.   DWYSYWD:  My friend has this in his email signature.  “Do What You Say You Will Do”.  Simple.  Yes.  And I took this as a rally cry for integrity.  That a man’s word is his bond.  And to align with the point above, you shouldn’t say too much, and you should do what you say.  That’s the kind of person I want to be. Take your own advice:  Everyone I have ever met can give advice.  Yet when it is something with yourself, we need help from others.  We think we don’t know what to do.  However, if the roles were flipped and your friend was in the same situation, you would have advice for them: “That person isn’t healthy for you to be around”…“Be happy, this isn’t that bad.  You know what is bad?  Cancer”…“Try to lead with love and forgiving first”… Getting help from friends is great and healthy.  But I have learned that I usually already know the advice that I need to hear.  I just need to listen to myself.   It’s okay to be flawed (just have a good heart):  In my first 30 years, I wanted everyone to like me and never wanted to make a mistake or say anything wrong to upset someone.  It took me forever to learn two things.  Fact: you will mess up.  Fact: you will upset people.  Since I can’t change or control those facts I try to focus on the things that I can control, my heart and my intentions.  My wife and I have disagreements and there are things I could have said better.  Same with my friends and family.  I used to beat myself up about the words I used in those disagreements.  Maddening.  Instead I have learned to focus on my intentions and my heart.  If in my heart, I didn’t intend to be hurtful, then it’s easy for me to accept that I am flawed, apologize, and work toward a solution with that person.  

Life is a beautiful mess and you make the decision for just how beautiful or how messy it is.  What lessons have you learned that you would tell someone younger than you?

Read more Travel Journals and see videos of our travels on Youtube

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