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I know every writer will say this but ‘Dog Days are Over’ by Florence and the Machine IS a baby Cauthrien stuck in the Orlesian Occupation but suddenly transitioning to a free ferelden and being recruited by loghain song, she’s running for her mother and father and she’s leaving all her love and her longing behind but also happiness hit her? Stuck her still no turning back? She doesn’t know what to do with it? Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back, struck from a great height by someone who should know better? The Dog days are over... but the horses are coming- LIKE... she was such a wreck. The military was how she coped but she should have been loved instead.  

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Because it’s been on my mind ever since I did my serial DAO replays, here’s Cauthrien’s view on the mage situation as is in 9:31 Dragon;

It’s absolutely fine exactly how it is! (almost)

And within that, she includes everything. She means the Mage Tower, she means the Templars, she means the Mage Collective in Denerim, she means the Dalish! There’s a curious contradiction within Fereldan culture that both highly values personal and political freedom from a centralised governing body, whilst still maintain a somewhat recognisable feudal system. But it does mean that Cauthrien believes very fervently in people’s right to their personal freedoms. 

However, she is also very satisfied that Mages are dangerous and must have some kind of check to keep them from the kinds of abuses that Tevinter displays. And she believes the current situation almost perfectly creates just the right balance here. Templars hunt for mages outside of the circle, which means in order for mages to be free of the circle they must show strict self control, a communal sense of accountability and general respect for their fellow mundane neighbours. Which is exactly what the Mage Collective exemplifies! They manage their own people, work with authorities covertly in order to solidify their position and live peacefully in Denerim and beyond. The chapter in Gwaren has even found an ally in her from time to time!

And what of the circle mages? Well, Cauthrien has never known a system to work without some casualties. She has no trouble imagining that Templars use their power to take advantage of the Tower’s inhabitents. But isn’t that what mage politics is for? Cauthrien certainly couldn’t name any of the colleges of enchanters, but she knows they exist and it is not as though mages hold no power collectively. They could strike if they wished, stop serving their respective countries etc, debate more compromises. ‘It is how the world works’ she says, completely content on her own moral basis to hear about tranquility and the killing of apostates etc, expected failures in a system that is set up to handle an already dangerous situation. 

The Dalish she also views as existing with their mages just as intended. They don’t have the same concerns over unwieldy populations such as peopled cities do. They keep to their business, manage their own affairs and Cauthrien has certainly never been troubled by an out of control Dalish mage. Meanwhile she has heard the Guard-Captain of Denerim complain wearily of having to liase with Templars over the existence of some Blood Mage cult that is often routed but never seems to completely vanish and their leader is never caught. Which comes to the only thing she would change. 

Why are Templars a part of the Chantry, she asks? Why is the circle a Chantry run organisation? She does not care about the history, the fact is mages are a security concern of the countries they occupy, not a religious ‘duty’ or some such. Templars should not be above the Guard or answer to anyone but country-authority and Mages should be able to report abuses to those country-authorities. That’s it, that’s all she would change. 

In the end, Cauthrien opposes ‘change’ unless the issue impacts the many, such as in the Rebellion. She has lived through change and does not want to do so again, and feels entirely vindicated in that view when the mage rebellion tears up half of the Hinterlands. The basis of Cauthrien as a character is that she is morally in the wrong, but she is also difficult to argue with when her worldview is so moulded by her experiences. 

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Could someone tell me if my theme is readable, i cannot tell, i have looked at it too long

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I think that would require I update this theme tho jesus christ i did not want people to read the blog huh... it's hard because it's so aesthetically right but... no, horrendous.

WHAT IF… I came back to this blog as WELL as Ves… what if I did that, I think I could do that, I think I want too… 

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WHAT IF... I came back to this blog as WELL as Ves... what if I did that, I think I could do that, I think I want too... 

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Honestly I’d say Cauth and Loghain are Lawful Evil, they’ve done horrific things but for reasons they thought were right and just?

I don’t think that’s the definition of Lawful Evil though? My impression is to be placed in any of the evil categories you have to have actively villianous intentions, you just have a code of conduct that you adhere too if you’re Lawful Evil. Like a lawful evil villain won’t care a wit about who they hurt or whether their goals are good for anyone but themselves, but they also might reward loyalty and refuse to betray their followers or claim a dishonourable victory.

So I’d say Cauthrien and Loghain are Lawful neutral. They follow a strick code and their intentions are for the wellbeing of Ferelden as a whole, they just feel they must go against morality at times to ensure Ferelden’s ‘greater good’. Greater good is often a term that goes hand in hand with Lawful Neutral characters.

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Are Cauthrien and Loghain evil? No uwu, but also yes! But no... No but really, are they? Yes! But mainly no. <3

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Part of the issue with my initial efforts with Cauthrien were that I always felt sort of ‘on the defensive’ about Loghain as a character and Cauthrien as an adult woman. There was a lot of assumption that Loghain was irredeemable and handwringingly evil etc, as well as an assumption that Cauthrien was completely helpless against his whims. So I felt it wouldn’t be productive to delve into Cauthrien and Loghain’s issues. Like the mere discussion of power imbalances always seemed to cascade into a very simple ‘Loghain tricked Cauthrien into trusting him and she never had any agency and was also a baby somehow’. Which was so antithetical to my portrayal that I didn’t want to encourage the notion. 

But!! Cauthrien and Loghain DID have issues within their relationship that were not addressed! Loghain allowed her too much free reign, for one. In reality, Cauthrien changed his mind, made him a far more ‘ends justify the means’ kind of man. Because their friendship was a place of mutual understanding and comfort, but it also became an echo chamber for their extreme ideas and concerns. And it didn’t help that they were never precisely wrong about the facts that founded their worldviews. But in the end, in talking to them both, Cauthrien is the one who says ‘what else were we supposed to do?’ whereas Loghain does admit he was blinded. Loghain is actually the more moderate minded of the two.

But here is where the power imbalance actually arrives. Because Loghain was comforted by Cauthrien’s constant vigilance and focus. He had a family, he lived a life, and benefitted from Cauthrien rejecting such grounding things for herself. He benefitted from her world and family being so tied to the military and he benefitted from the actions she took under his blanket mandate without really having to bear the brunt of the knowledge of what those actions were. But he still encouraged these actions in her, be it unconsciously or not. There is a universe where Cauthrien actually comes to the conclusion that they had been misled and the hardest part to come to terms with is that Loghain had used her, in a way, used her history and convictions. And it galls her more than she wants to admit that crimes she feels massive guilt for now are things Loghain would have condemned long before the blight, but by keeping a token distance from them he still had praised her for it at the time. 

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five songs / pieces of media i associate with my muse

For Honor - Video game

“Death waits for us all. A warrior is someone who does not let that stop them from doing what must be done.” - Apollyon

Thistle and Weeds - Mumford and Sons

Spare me your judgments and spare me your dreams 'Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind Alone in the wind and the rain you left me It's getting dark darling, too dark to see And I'm on my knees, and your faith in shreds, it seems

I begged you to hear me, there's more than flesh and bones Let the dead bury their dead, they will come out in droves But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes you've made

Black Sails - TV Series

“My concern with you is over that which cannot be known. That thing which arises in you when passions are aroused. Good sense escapes you. All men have it. But yours… yours is different. Darker. Wilder. I imagine it’s what makes you so effective as an officer. But when exposed to extremes, I could not imagine what it is capable of. And of greater concern - I’m not sure you do either.”

It Will Come Back - Hozier

It can't be unlearned I've known the warmth of your doorways Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you Oh, please, give me mercy no more That's a kindness you can't afford I warn you, baby, each night, as sure as you're born You'll hear me howling outside your door

Rebecca Makkai, The Great Believers

“But when someone’s gone and you’re the primary keeper of his memory—letting go would be a kind of murder, wouldn’t it? I had so much love for him, even if it was a complicated love, and where is all that love supposed to go? He was gone, so it couldn’t change, it couldn’t turn to indifference. I was stuck with all that love.”

Tagged by @ghilannainguideme​ Tagging: (in a bastard voice) Whoever wants it!

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>:/ the issue is... I really would like to write for Cauthrien again, the major reason being I was not that good of a writer, nor was I very good at analysing her in any particularly interesting way when I was younger. My brain is bigger now! I could do her justice if I gave her some focus I am just... sleepy

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Its such a shame all these muscles and all this swagger has to come with crushing crimes against humanity.

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(thinks about it) It Will Come Back by Hozier is........ a very Cauthrien in love song... 

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Monstrous Love

~

Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous // Fortesa Latifi, We Want To Be Ruined // Mashmello, Silence // Richard Siken, A Primer of the Small Weird Loves // Guillermo del Toro, Crimson Peak // Leah Reader, Black Iris // Azra T., via thelovejournals // Florence and the Machine, Howl // Helen Cixous, Stigmata: Escaping Texts // Casey MxQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue // Georges Bataille // Charlotte Bronte, in a letter to Ellen Nussey // Yves Olade, Bloodsport // Andria Zabala, Coffee and Cigarettes // Caitlyn Siehl, Start Here 

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The person I reblogged this from is someone I enjoy seeing on my dashboard.

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“- And Eamon has the GALL to block higher tax rates on imports in the name of ‘enterprising crofters’ when EVERY member of the Landsmeet knows full well he just doesn’t want to pay more to ship Isolde’s HIDEOUS dresses and vanities from Val Royeaux. Andraste preserve me I swear I’ll-”

True Facts about Dragon Age: - Queen Anora is a Lesbian - Ser Cauthrien is masc of centre - They’ve been cu*king Cailan for years

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🌷 ??? 👀👀

It happens just as the chaos of battle has ended, the heat of it still flooding Lyna’s veins and making her giddy with adrenaline. Cauthrien is covered in darkspawn blood, putrid gobs of it clinging to her sword and smeared on her armor; Lyna is cleaner but not by much, and owing only to her shield. They pick their way over the corpses already half-rotten with Blight, panting, grinning at the empty cavern and then at each other--

It happens, and Lyna doesn’t think about it, except that Cauthrien’s lips are thin and rough and her jaw is like a knife’s edge in Lyna’s palm. Her teeth are sharp, and her mouth tastes like blood, human and darkspawn, commingled, and Lyna has to crane her neck to kiss her.

It feels good. 

When Lyna comes to her senses, her hand is wrapped around one of the straps of Cauthrien’s armor, and Cauthrien’s long bony fingers are settled at the base of her neck. The woman’s mouth twists into a soft, crooked smirk that... isn’t displeased. Lyna waits for a long moment, in which water drips and echoes from somewhere not too far away, before she lets go and steps back, and licks her lips, still tasting steel.

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ghilannainguideme​:

If Lyna were to be honest, it meant little. Anora’s request had, of course, come as an unpleasant surprise, and nor were her Wardens particularly welcoming of the idea, though it had been easier to silence them, even Alistair, than to make herself assent. (Haven’t I done quite enough for Ferelden? she’d thought to herself. But denying Anora this favor meant the Wardens–or the Dalish–might find her less supportive in the future. Now, Anora owed her, and that was precious currency.)

But… it didn’t mean nothing, she found, and pursed her lips, looking away past the brazier.

“You have your pick of rooms,” she said, with a little tilt of her head towards the relevant hall. “Leave your things there and come find me in the courtyard. There’ll be much to tell you–assuming you didn’t torture the Warden’s secrets out of any of Loghain’s prisoners.” 

Well–she hadn’t meant to say that bit aloud. 

And yet Cauthrien seemed almost glad to hear it. A sharp lift to the corner of her mouth, her eyes flashing with something akin to... comfort? Her feet finding her bearing? Something that made her look taller, more mountainous and inmovable than a moment ago. Her head throbbed with every beat of her heart but that was easily ignored. For her heart was still beating, something she had not been expecting, something she still had to come to terms with. 

“No. We were not interested in warden secrets.” She answered, restrained with the tone of a soldier’s report. “Torture is time consuming.” And with that, she gave a stiff, respectful nod (still supporting the cat) and made a neat about turn to leave. 

The room she selected was small, close to the exits of the Fortress and with a bed that sat against an eastern wall. She truly had nothing with her beyond the clothes at her back, though she had been surprised that Summer was returned to her. She was also surprised when Varel arrived at her door and handed her a set of Warden regalia. She was not so keen on the ostentatious winged motif, but the design seemed solid and she donned the brigadine and tabard to see it’s fit. Not tight, but she would need to adjust it later. 

With that settled she left the cat curled upon her bed and came out into the courtyard, as commanded. Approaching the Warden, she settled into an uncomplicated manner of regiment. She wasn’t going to think too hard on what any of this meant for her, she presented herself as a neutral creature, ready to listen and without opinion. It was easy, and comfortable. “The drinking of darkspawn blood isn’t the only secret the wardens keep?”