thethrivingchapter

[thethrivingchapter]

To him

I forgive you. I forgive you for not loving me. I forgive you for not cherishing me. I forgive you for not even realizing you had someone wonderful right in front of you. I forgive you for not communicating. I forgive you for caring only about yourself. I forgive you for disregarding me and my feelings. There is something good in you because I saw a glimpse of it when I knew you. I tried to draw it out in you, but it turns out that wasn't my job. For 6 months I've been regretting our time together, believing it was such a waste. But God turned it into something good - a lesson I needed to learn. A lesson on figuring out what I actually want and need. A lesson on boundaries that are necessary. A lesson on loving myself. A lesson on forgiveness. So today I release that hurt and anger I was holding onto, that resentment I had for you. For a while I used it to protect myself, but it doesn't serve me anymore. I am letting it all go. I kindly take back the power you had over me. I need it for myself. You don't have any effect on my emotions anymore. You had a purpose in my life at one time, but that purpose is now complete. I'm letting go of you.

[thethrivingchapter]

When you are aligned with yourself, everything aligns with you.

Know your values, passions, and purpose.

Pay attention to your body to understand what feels good & what drains you.

Stay present, observe & be aware of your thoughts without judgment.

Set boundaries. Protect your energy & say no when you need to.

Rest, eat well & move your body regularly.

Trust your gut feelings and intuition.

Be true to who you are, not who others expect you to be.

Practice gratitude.

Journal or meditate.

Make choices that match your goals & values.

[thethrivingchapter]

I believe the world is plotting to do me good today. I can't wait to see what it is.

[thethrivingchapter]

How to emotionally regulate yourself

so. You find yourself getting upset or angry or guilty over something. Negative emotions don’t feel the most comfortable, do they? They feel almost physically uncomfortable, sometimes painful. You wish you could block them out immediately but it’s impossible. Even if you try to ignore them, they somehow bounce back in your face.

what we’re not taught from a young age is emotion regulation. We are, in the end, only human. Its part of our nature to screw up, make mistakes and do things at times that we’re not supposed to.

bottling away feelings does no good - not to yourself and not to those who care about you.

so the next time you find yourself feeling emotionally imbalanced, take a look at this framework and work it out!

[thethrivingchapter]

This holiday season has been bringing back a lot of uncomfortable emotions I thought I got past. All of them to do with my last relationship/breakup. And as much as I never wanted to write about him again, I know it's more important to heal that part of me so I can move on in peace.

It's okay to feel triggered and emotional. It's okay to not move past it as quickly as I'd like. This is all just part of the healing journey.

It is brave to leave a toxic relationship. That makes me strong. I am worthy of love and care. I am healing every day. My past does not define me.

I deserve healthy, fulfilling live, starting with love for myself.

The memories make me anxious because they remind me of feeling neglected and unloved. That was then, this is now. I am safe now. I am worthy of real love.

That relationship taught me a lot about myself, my needs, my boundaries, and my flaws. If I had not gone through that experience, I would not be the same woman I am today. I probably would not have the same values and boundaries. I am a better person because of it. I have come so far in the last six months. Breaking free from a toxic relationship is no small feat.

It's okay to feel angry about what I went through. This means I recognize my worth and the injustice of how I was treated. This anger protects me. It will remind me of how I want to be treated in the future.

I am building a future that's free of this pain.

I forgive the past because I deserve peace. I won't let it, or him, have that control over me.

[thethrivingchapter]

[thethrivingchapter]

If you happen to be going through a breakup like I am, this really helps.

[thethrivingchapter]

In case anyone else needs a reality check about why the guy who ghosted you is liking your Instagram posts again (like I did):

1. He doesn’t want to lose touch. He’s hoping he can sweeten you up to ensure he stays on your mind and in your heart so that he has a chance to date you if he wants to in the future. What a jerk. He’s the one who pushed you out of his life, so he can’t expect to creep back in without even apologizing or being real about why he disappeared in the first place.

2. He doesn’t realize how awkward it is (or just doesn’t care). He could call you up to say hey, but that feels awkward af, especially if he suspects you’d hang up on him. At least with social media, he can hide behind a screen and say hello in the form of “likes.” it’s also a clever way to test the temperature. If you don’t “like” his stuff back or contact him properly, he knows you’re completely out of reach. What a coward.

3. He doesn’t want to be with you, but he wants you to think he does. Just because he approved of your gorgeous selfie doesn’t mean that he’s hoping for a second chance. He’s hoping you’ll THINK that so you’ll leave the door open for him to possibly step in again.

4. He’s lazy af. He doesn’t want to make a lot of effort. That’s why he bolted the first time, choosing to be remembered as the jerk rather than a guy who deserved your time. This “liking” business fits in with his personality. Instead of making a real effort, like texting or calling you and having a real conversation, he’ll put in almost no effort just hoping to catch your eye.

5. He wants attention. The guy who crazily likes all your social media posts might be seen as wanting to shower you with attention, but it’s probably all about him. He wants you to talk about him to his friends. He wants to know that your heart still skips a beat when he’s around, so really, it’s not about you at all. Don’t be flattered.

6. He hopes you’ll still be down for sex sometime. He obviously liked you before he ghosted you, and now he’s seeing you looking happy and gorgeous on social media, he’s hoping you can remain an option if he needs one in the future when he’s bored or horny on a Saturday night. By liking his way into your good books again, he can booty call you at a later date without feeling weird about it. Oh, hell no.

7. He wants you to think he’s into you. He’s an arrogant guy who thinks he can waltz back into your life in any shape or form and get a standing ovation. He might even do this just to stroke his own ego, to show himself that he can still get you to be interested if he wants.

8. He’s feeling nostalgic. When he saw you looking happy on Instagram, he couldn’t help but be transported back in time to when the two of you were together, so he ended up going through all your posts on his little nostalgic trip. It doesn’t mean he wants to have another shot with you, though. If he did, he’d be putting in loads more effort than just liking a beach selfie, for goodness’ sake.

9. He feels guilty. Maybe his social media antics are just about feeling guilty for what he did--and he should be torn up about it because he missed out on an amazing woman! Either way, don’t feel sorry for him. He’s a jerk if he thinks liking your social media posts is going to make up for what he did to you.

10. He wants to know if you’ve moved on. He was on social media and decided to check out your Facebook profile since you’re still listed as friends. He wanted to see what you’ve been up to and if you’re dating someone else. He liked your pictures because he likes that you’re still single. He might be one of those competitive guys who doesn’t want to be with you but doesn’t want you to be with anyone else either.

11. It’s just a few likes--it’s not that deep. Of course there’s always the chance that this guy is really just liking everyone’s posts. Check out some of his other friends or followers to see if he’s liking their holiday snaps and status updates. It’s good to keep in mind that a “like” doesn’t have to mean anything more. If they bother you, you should just block the guy. After he ghosted you, he deserves it.

Stay strong, ladies.

[thethrivingchapter]

[thethrivingchapter]

Just in case no one has told you this lately: the mere fact that you keep choosing to show up every day after everything you have been through only points to your strength.

[thethrivingchapter]

My heart may be hurting like a bitch because I’m sad but if u think that’s gonna stop me u got another thing coming

[thethrivingchapter]

we have to get away from the “don’t envy people on instagram. they look happy but you never know if they are crying on the inside” stuff

like

you don’t have to turn other people’s lives into a tragedy for you to appreciate your life

yes, they are living their best life

and??

you can too

you don’t have to imagine relationships being secretly awful or happy people being secretly miserable

wishing that on other people so you can feel better about yourself is still trash

even if that’s the only way you can feel better about yourself

[thethrivingchapter]

[thethrivingchapter]

[thethrivingchapter]

Become the person you would ideally fall in love with. Let cars merge into your lane when driving. Pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. Make goofy faces at babies. Compliment people on their cute clothes. Challenge yourself not to ridicule anyone for a whole day. Then two. Then a week. Walk with a straight posture. Look people in the eye. Ask people about their story. Talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

[thethrivingchapter]

When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome the human experience. But never use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

Elizabeth Gilbert

[thethrivingchapter]

Sometimes I forget how many times I've picked myself off the floor, how many times I've washed away smudgy makeup and put myself to bed. How many times I've said no to something unhealthy. Said yes to something good. How many times I've treated myself with kindness and patience. I forget how many times I've tended to wounds and made peace with my own anger. If I was taking care of a body that was not my own, I'd believe I was doing everything I could. So here's to remembering that I'm doing the best I can.