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Keith bought an iPhone X yesterday

After coming home from a run yesterday, I found Keith in his usual spot, sprawled out on the couch. After a careful nudging of his feet, he lowered them off the arm rest. While I allow Keith to utilize my furniture for living quarters, I do not wish to turn my home into some den of squalor.

 After he silently obeyed my command and returned his feet to the floor, I noticed they knocked over a small stack of cases that had been left there, presumably by Keith. It’s common place, but I noticed particularly how glued Keith was to his phone. I sighed internally. He had bought a new iPhone.

I decided to play it coy this time.He knew how I felt about the whole Apple brand. Not to say this is a household that flies the flag of the Android, but I just found myself perturbed by the cult of marketing curated by Steve Jobs. You can only say “Wozniak did it better” between so many iterations of the same device that it surely will fall on death’s ears.

But what burns me about this, is the fact Keith used his allowance money to purchase the gadget in the first place. Surely he should spend his earnings on necessities and not shallow trinkets. Why hasn’t this sunk into his head yet? I think it’s time to up our monthly performance reviews to bi-monthly. I also need to tell him that he’s been slacking with yard work and that he needs to be more considerate and not be wasteful with supplies when repaving the driveway.

I think next week I’ll lower his wages from $50 to $45. Maybe he’ll get the message.

[theuticafamily-blog]

I’m so proud of my children.

From Top To Bottom

Saxon.30. Tried to be a television writer in New York against my wishes. He now works as a middle manger for a roofing company in Sandwich, Illinois. He still tries to act as if he’s Mr. New York guy, but I kindly remind him how his dream failed to put him back in his place. 

Donna-Gussispie. 31. Works as a Congresswoman (State Representative) in Nebraska. She’s onboard with defunding Obama’s CHIP program which would provide aid to mentally ill and poor children. She’s married to a guy named Trent, who I have a sneaking suspicion he maybe in the closet. I have two grandchildren because of her. I’m proud of her.

Keith.27. Keith has been unemployed for sometime now since he was fired from Best Buy for selling video games illegally. I thought he should’ve served time for this. He lives on my couch, and does chores assigned to him and I give him a weekly allowance. He listens to podcasts on low volume because I’m not fond of profanity. 

Bethlehem. 24 She seriously disappointed me when she graduated with a degree in gender studies but she’s the only one who bothers to visit or call me. She’s in debt much to my disgust and I believe she ma be involved in sex work, which I passively aggressively bring up how it contradicts her Marxist stance with gender issues. I told her early on that if she ever shortened her name to Bethel that I would always be disappointed with her. 

Me. Guy. 53. I was born and raised in Chicago, I later went to NIU where I graduated with a degree in English Literature with a minor in Political Science. For years I tried my hand at being an author, publishing one book, a romantic-comedy, The Avalanche to some acclaim. I also tried my hand at running for local offices including Alderman in my neighborhood of Hyde Park. At the most I managed to get was being a write-in candidate. I decided to relocate from the crime infested neoliberal hell that had been created by Chicago Democrats to a quiet, albeit more diverse life in Bernalillo, New Mexico. I love hiking, Italian History, Going to the gun range, camping, and being as pragmatic as possible. I voted for Obama in ‘08 and Romney in ‘12. My favorite authors include Malcolm Gladwell, Franz Fanon, Ayn Rand, Thomas Sowell and Chuck Palahniuk. I remind my children each and everyday since the day they were born that they are black. I’m divorced, but I’m not lonely! I welcome my new life as a rugged bachelor. 

We’re the Utica’s!