thewholisticmethod-blog

[thewholisticmethod-blog]

Important Lessons From My 20s

With my birthday approaching, I was continually asked, “How do you feel about turning 30?” and frankly, I hadn’t given it any thought. To me, it wasn’t a big deal, and I hadn’t taken time to reflect. However, if there’s something I’m good at, it’s noticing others and why they do things. So, I sat and thought why 30 was so important to people. Was it because I’m now ‘old’ and ‘don’t have my life together? Or that I wasn’t married? Or that I’m not a millionaire yet? Nah, those were all negative things, and even if some like to focus on those, there had to be a deeper meaning behind why people kept asking me how I felt.

So, after turning 30 in late December, I stumbled across an article written by a friend of mine, Lunden Souza (@LifeLikeLunden), in which she highlighted the 20 Things (She) Learned In Her 20s. It then dawned on me, that people weren’t really asking “how do I feel about being 30” but really “what were your big takeaways from your 20s?” So, I sat and thought to myself and here’s what I learned:

Rock bottom is just that, the bottom. Realizing that I couldn’t go any lower and digging deep to find my inner strength and purpose resulted in a better me. My first year in Taiwan was the worst year of my life, followed by some of the greatest. I made amazing life-long friends, had a chance to work with children, coach basketball, develop management skills, and even take a group of high school boys to America so they could live their dreams out of playing against Americans. None of this could have happened had I not hit bottom.

Love. Finding the space and time to love myself, eventually led to a greater capacity to love others and in turn allowed others to love me again. Using hard times as a chance to grow, I never would have found the love of my life, Ying. I never would have surrounded myself with such amazing friends and networks. Love is truly unique and something I finally came to understand late in my 20s. It transcends everything.

Having friends and family around you is one of the most important things in life. Coming from an Italian family, my grandparents (and later my parents) always preached “family is everything.” It wasn’t until my 20s when I fully understood and appreciated their teachings. When times get tough, they’re there for me.. and when times are rolling, they’re there for me (to celebrate)! Friends and family are the foundation and safety net to my life. Don’t push them away when times get tough!

Have a line, cross it occasionally, but have a line. Knowing when to say NO, is a powerful tool. Whether it’s in life, partying, work, relationships, etc. Have a line, and say no. At the same time don’t beat yourself up over it if you cross it. Learn from it, and move on. That line is ever changing!

Not taking risks in life, is the biggest risk. People often say that I must have had a lot of courage to get up and move to Taiwan or to leave my full-time job in finance to open a business with my brother. They mention how much of a risk it must have been. My response - the biggest risk, is not taking risks. The corporate world will always be there, the opportunity to start a business won’t be.

Heart break happens, but it’s okay and I’m better off because of it. From heart break, I learned to respect myself and appreciate those around me that respected me. It brought me closer to my friends and family, and proved that I was not alone.

Work hard, and be a good person. A lesson I first heard from my friend, Hardy. Does it get simpler than that?

Life is as enjoyable as I allow it to be. Finding joy in the small moments in life, results in a more enjoyable life as a whole. When I forget this, I tend to have less fun and find life to be more challenging.

What’s right for me, isn’t always right for others. There’s 7.5 billion people on this planet, and 7.5 billion ways to live life.

Identifying my ‘bubble', and learning to operate outside of it. Life tends to happen outside of my ‘box’ or ‘bubble’ when I try new things. New connections, job opportunities, life experiences, love, etc.

It’s perfectly okay to not be good at something. Don’t be afraid to try new things just because you may not be good at them. Growth lies within failure, and so does life.

Listening to my body and the importance of self-care. Pain is a messenger from the body telling you that something isn’t right. Whether that be physical or emotional. Pushing through it or continuing to do things that hurt you, only results in more pain.

Find mentors and be willing to learn from them. Books teach me a lot of things, but mentors offer guidance and wisdom beyond words on a page.

Positive affirmations are the jet fuel to my day. Continually telling myself that I’m wise, lovable, deserving of respect, and kind, powers me through low days and brightens the good ones.

I can’t expect to make big changes, if I can’t make small ones first. Practice makes better, and that applies to self growth.

All of these lessons didn’t come in one day, nor in one year. They were a culmination of events and lessons that occurred over a decade. They were, by no means, easy to experience and learn from. But looking back and taking a look at what kind of man I was at 20 compared to today, makes me proud. Au revior 20s and hello life lessons in my 30s!