thewildnopeboat

[thewildnopeboat]

Hey Deltarune fandom, How does it feel with the new content?

[thewildnopeboat]

Guardian, reading the newest Vanguard Tweaks: So...

Ghost: Shut up

Guardian: Im just saying the Traveler listens.

Ghost: I need Virtual Wine.

Guardian: When you go see the Traveler. Tell him thank you for the newest guns~

Ghost: You are his favorite, aren't you?

[thewildnopeboat]

Fucking on it boss

take my mermaid quiz boy

[thewildnopeboat]

Guardian, doing an Onslaught: I can't believe the Vanguard takes time to attach limiters to our weapons. Like, what are we going to do?

Ghost: You cant have World ending powers and every weapon be Telesto too.

Guardian: I mean, I have a gun that poisons my opponents with Hive Magic, another with Hive Magic of Infinite bullet, several AIs in both Guns and Armor, a couple of go- Oh now I see it.

Ghost: The traveler wants you to know, you scare him.

Guardian, laughing: What? Nah, I would never hurt him!

Ghost: *notes this down for later*

[thewildnopeboat]

D&D out of context:

Crab Kiju wipes out Enemy Goblin village for daring to trade them for stuff they stole

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Guardian: Hey Grandad, how old is Telesto?

Banshee-44: Well, That thing is the manifestation of several eldritch entities known throughout human history of things thought locked away to only to be revealed after several eras.

Guardian: Like that Jabberwocky?

Banshee-44: How do you know of that?

Guardian: Ada-1.

[thewildnopeboat]

Oh good, telesto is here.

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Guardian: Please, repeat what you said.

Lord Shaxx, the bechesticaled: I said you and your Fireteam have been given access to fight with Drakes against other guardians with Brigs.

Guardian: How are we getting this?

Lord Shaxx, the "doesn't remove helmet during intercourse": No clue. Ikora handed me the keys to both of them and said go nuts.

Guardian: Huh. Neat.

[thewildnopeboat]

Guardian, fucking around in Rhulk's pyramid: Where the hell is it?

Savathun, over the coms: Your pride or dignity?

Guardian: Alright, I wasn't asking you, lumen-philiac.

Savathun: Did... did you just call me Light Lover?

Guardian, hauling the sixth worm: Yeah and?

Savathun: I'm proud you're finally using that book I gave you.

Guardian: Yeah, as a door stop.

Savathun: *angry moth noises*

[thewildnopeboat]

Me, to my co-worker (who is so much more funnier than I) who has graced me with food: Oh yeah. You're allergic to it, and I am to.

My coworker, confused: why are you eating it?

Me, shrugs: I suffer if the food is good.

[thewildnopeboat]

Guardian, getting the message tied to the brick from their window: Is this what Drifter was talking about?

Ghost: That's or the other tenants are finally done with your sh-

Guardian, reading the note: Ah, it's the Nine. Apparently they are sending a new person this time.

Ghost: What about Xur?

Guardian, continuing to unfold the note: They mention they like his game show too much to add to it. Also the horse likes him.

Ghost: Oh that makes sense. How long is the note?

Guardian, unfolding still: There's so many different fonts and styles. Oh, and apparently there's going to be a dungeon crawl....

Ghost: You don't sound happy. Why?

Guardian, still unfolding: Its the Spire. We have to deal with Clovis's b- oh ho? Hold on.

Ghost: holding.

Guardian: New challenges, new enemies, and the note has turned into an argument.

Ghost: How LONG is that note?

Guardian: Its still going....

[thewildnopeboat]

Code of ethics to live by:

"If you're not on the clock, I can't bother you."

At work? If you're busy with something, someone, or just not on the clock, I will do my best not to mess with you (unless absolutely every other option is gone).

At home? If you're busy or just not up for it, I will leave you alone.

In public? Same shit different question.

Make sure your conversation partner is okay to have a conversation in that moment.

Mostly cause some of us have that stupid audio processing disorder.

[thewildnopeboat]

Guardian, finally collected all the chess pieces: hm

Ghost: Why are there 60?

Guardian: Really big chess board.

Ghost: Why is there only one Queen?

Guardian: There's like four knights, four bishops, and only like one rook. Someone is playing some fucked up chess.

*meanwhile*

Traveler, looking into it's chess box,: where are my pieces?

(Forgot the tags)

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Guardian, beebopping around: Wow, everything is silent.

Ghost: Od- *muffled static*

Guardian, sighs: I thought we killed you.

Ghost: killed who?

Guardian: What was that nonsense?!

Ghost: Interference

Guardian: from Who?!

Ghost, pauses: i.... I have to make a call. *disappears into the console of the ship*

Guardian: If you're talking to the traveler, tell him I want more guns!

[thewildnopeboat]

(Funny thing)

Guardian: Huh, Someone in the clan pinged the board.

Ghost: That's not very unusual. Maybe they want a Raid night?

Guardian: No. Its just a message saying "I found a weird thing in Eris's room"

Ghost: Any more context?

Guardian: Yeah, a weird link. *clicks*

Ghost: You didn't just click on po-

Guardian: Its not that. It's an actual thing. A white pawn. Look at their helmet Hud. Seems like there's more.

Ghost: Why is it there?

Guardian: hmmm, I mean, Xur and Drifter both have been very secretive lately. Maybe it's our good friends the Nine?

Ghost: I don't trust it.

Guardian: well no hurry. Still gotta get rid of it before the Drifter gets back.

[thewildnopeboat]

(Spoilers for this week's seasonal line)

Savathun: You killed my brother!

Guardian: He was already dead?

Savathun: You killed someone like yourself?

Guardian, confused: You, Bug Fuckess! You dare to call ME out? Who created Hive with the Light and chastised me about killing things akin to what I was? I dealt with YOUR lucent hive, SINCE you made them! You wanted your brother who MIND YOU, Caused a LOT OF PROBLEMS, to stay in a state of Undeath?

Savathun: Its better for him to be in a state of undeath and live, than to be silenced in death.

Guardian: Eris was right. Your family needs all sorts of therapy.

Savathun: Wat

[thewildnopeboat]

Oryx, recovered from accidentally finding all of Eris's Yaoi Fanfics: Younger sister, why does your Blade work for others?

Eris: They are not my blade. I called to them in need and they answered.

Oryx, baffled: So they just helped you? No pact, no grand loyalty? They are not your brood, yet they come to your aid?

Eris: If by Brood, you mean of me, they are not. They have conjured an ancient trust system that humans have been using since fire was found.

Oryx, concerned: Humans will just trust others? How does that work?

Eris: Oh, humans are inherently untrustworthy. We are fickle, greedy, and vile things. Yet, we also bond closely to those we trust, so much so it is not uncommon for us to create fake familial bonds.

Oryx, in awe: So, they help you, because they trust you won't hurt them?

Eris: They help because I am family to them. I am their friend, and I have shown to be quick to help them.

Oryx, pondering: My heir is using the sword logic, but yet, you say they are inherently not. Fascinating.

Eris, picking up some papers: Yes, now please stop trying to poke around here.

Oryx, not following directions: Why is there a family album in here if they are not your brood?

Eris: Give that BACK!