thezachy

[thezachy]

Headcanon: Strahd enjoys to hang upside down like a bat. He hangs his head off of beds, sits upside down on his throne, when he's reading, he finds a way to hang from the chandelier in his quarters, but will never admit it. Rahadin found him in the throne room like this once. He never found the courage to ask him about it.

[thezachy]

I am very glad to know others want to shake this vampire too

he's looking in a mirror probably

we haven't even met him in game yet and im obsessedddd with this old man. my fucked up evil wife. my pookie. i hate him, i love him, im gonna put him in a jar and shake it really hard.

[thezachy]

It's the mature content warning on this one that got me

so I go to animation school now

[thezachy]

Not our DM actually using this guide for us to play a paladin of Raven Queen.

Can't believe my bro has three damage resistences now, fire, cold AND necrotic GODDAMN

Paladin: Oath of the Raven

Here’s a homebrew paladin oath I posted to reddit a few days ago, feel free to use it! I know it’s entity/patron/deity specific since it was designed for a campaign that will feature the Raven Queen heavily in some spots and I felt like it would be a fitting subclass, but it can be modified to fit any deity associated with the grave. 

Oath of the Raven

A paladin of the Oath of the Raven is sworn to the service of the Raven Queen. Paladins of this oath accept the beauty of life and the sanctity of death, and thus vow to rid the world of undeath and those who would disrupt the natural balance of the cycle of life. Often referred to as raven knights or black talons, these paladins adorn their clothing with a raven feather and don black armor with intricate carvings of feathers and raven wings.

Tenets of the Raven

The first three tenets of the Oath of the Raven emphasize the neutrality of death and the lawfulness of obeying the natural cycle of life and death, while the fourth tenet serves as a warning to those who would disrupt that cycle.  

All Life is Precious. Without life, death is meaningless. A life shall not be ended before its intended time, and should not remain after.

We Must Accept Death. Do no dread it or run from it, death arrives all the same. It is a natural part of the cycle of life.

Let Souls Pass Unhindered. Souls deserve to pass on to the afterlife. Do not interfere with their final peace.

Strike the Undead. Although resurrection is acceptable as the soul is willing, cheating death through undeath and immortality is unnatural and disrupts the natural order. Thus, the undead should be destroyed.

Oath Spells

You gain oath spells at the paladin levels listed.

3rd level: armor of Agathys, bless

5th level: lesser restoration, augury

9th level: remove curse, speak with dead

13th level: blight, death ward

17th level: commune, cone of cold

Chanel Divinity

When you take this oath at 3rd level, you gain the following two Chanel Divinity options.

           Queen’s Emissary. You can use your Channel Divinity to invoke the powerful grace of the Raven Queen. As an action, you can force each creature you can see within 30 feet of you to make a Wisdom saving throw. Undead and fey creatures have disadvantage on the saving throw. On a failed save, the creature is frightened of you for 1 minute. The frightened creature can repeat this saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a success.

           Rebuke the Damned. You can use your Channel Divinity to rebuke creatures who harm you. Immediately after a creature within 30 feet of you deals damage to you, you can use your reaction to force the creature to make a Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, the creature takes cold damage equal to the damage it just dealt, or half as much damage on a successful save. If the creature was an undead, it takes an additional 1d6 cold damage.

Additionally, you learn the find familiar spell and can cast it as a ritual. The spell doesn’t count against your number of spells known. When you cast the spell, your familiar takes the form of a raven.

Aura of Shadows

Beginning at 7th level, you and friendly creatures within 10 feet of you have resistance to cold and necrotic damage.

At 18th level, the range of this aura increases to 30 feet.

Winter’s Knight

Starting at 15th level, whenever a creature hits you with an attack, that creature takes cold damage equal to your Charisma modifier (minimum 1), or twice your Charisma modifier (minimum 2) if the creature is an undead, if you’re not incapacitated.

Raven Queen’s Champion

At 20th level, your loyalty to the cause of the Raven Queen allows you to assume a raven-like form. For 1 hour, you gain the following benefits:

Black wings sprout from your back and grant you a flying speed of 60 feet.

You emanate a powerful aura of cold in a 30-foot radius. The first time an enemy enters this space or starts its turn there, the creature takes 10 cold damage. 

Undead creatures within 30 feet of you have disadvantage on attack rolls against you, and all creatures within 30 feet of you have advantage on saving throws against spells cast by undead creatures.

Once you use this feature, you can’t use it again until you finish a long rest.

[thezachy]

*cries*

frostbite

[thezachy]

Writer of Soda Pop trying to perfect the song: "Shit, something is missing. Damn. Pause, I need inspiration."

*plays Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance*

Gerard, in song: "SO WHYY DON'T YOU BLOW ME-"

Writer of Soda Pop: *pauses the music* "THAT'S IT."

[thezachy]

Strahd von Zarobitch is back and more autistic than ever. I will not ever be free from this horror and neither shall he, because since posting my original rant, my guy managed to autism his way into trouble TOO MANY TIMES for my liking. Is there any way to save this fucker? I doubt it. Will I and my PC attempt anyway? Probably, yes.

For context, our DM came up with another way to save Barovia than simply killing Strahd, and that is to destroy all three copies of the contract Strahd forged with the Dark Powers with the Sunsword. The whole point of this whole shinnenigan is that my Paladin really doesn't want to kill that vampiric dumbass. He stayed at Ravenloft for quite a while and grew fond of Strahd, which is. CONCERNING, at best. But we're not talking about that right now! Nononono, we are talking about our favorite autistic vampire, the Cunt himself.

"How many times. Do I have to tell your paranoid ass. That we. Are not here. To kill you." I said, slapping that motherfucker across his face multiple times.

AND YET HE SAID. "I know your plan. I know you are here to kill me." YOU DO NOT KNOW SHIT.

My guy. You are a GOD in this domain. You are omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent and yet you remain DUMB. You claim you know everything, and STILL there is a party of six adventurers that manages to mess with your cognitive abilities on an UNTHINKABLE LEVEL.

"Then why do you have that sword?" THINK. I know, knowing everything makes your brain lazy at thinking but please, tell that teethy little hamster in your head to start spinning the wheels because I cannot TAKE another second of you being STUPID. You take everything so literally you might aswell become a kleptomaniac. If I told you to take a seet, you would just pick up the chair and stand in the corner of the room ominously, that's the vibe you bring to the function.

Can you tell I hate that guy already? No? Well let me make myself clear: I REALLY DON'T? I know I should, but that dawgtism in him makes it unbearably difficult to take him seriously. And my Paladin has an even BIGGER problem with hating that guy.

The last time Strahd threatened him to kill his friends and literally almost drank the life out of him, he went to the CONFUSE YOUR ENEMIES option and KISSED HIM.

AND GUESS WHAT. IT WORKED.

Strahd GOT CONFUSED. AND RAN AWAY.

HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU CAN BE LOVED, FUCKER???

Cuteness agression? No. CUNTness agression because why ARE YOU LIKE THIS. Accept love, idiot. NO. You get confused by the gesture, probably take it differently than it was originally meant and then RUN AWAY, because you couldn't stand being seen this confused by to the rest of the adventurers.

Have your gay panic, Strahd, you deserve it but please come to your fucking senses before I bite you back next time. I will gladly take the risk of becoming a dhampyr just to prove a point.

YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GOOD AT THREATENING AND YET YOU WALK AWAY FROM THIS ENCOUNTER AFRAID, CONFUSED AND GAYER THAN EVER. I believe my point has already been PROVEN, you suck at your job (pun intended). They call you the "devil" because you act like an ass and the villagers mistake the long ears for horns, but at heart you are just a paranoid overthinker who however always manages to overthink a little too far away from the sun and SOMETIMES is lucky enough fot the ability to see through some bullshit to randomly hit him in the face.

Autism gods, please have mercy on this bloodsucking bitch and make him at least able to think straight, if not anything else.

Anyway thank you.

[thezachy]

Was anyone gonna tell me that Elias is a whiny little gay boy with trauma and a weed-smoking problem and that which turned him into a whore was fucking JONAH???

My TMA headcanon is that the Eye chooses asexual people as avatars so it doesn't have to see humans have sex.

But when it chose Elias, it saw he's such a whore it might aswell enjoy the show.

[thezachy]

There's literally an eye tower. And zero Lord of the Rings references. I am disappointed. /hj

[thezachy]

Yall want to talk about how listening to MAG 185 hits so hard with what's happening right now in the US?

The introduction of the episode broke my heart. Knowing that this is what is happening AT THE MOMENT... It makes me sad. And angry.

[thezachy]

My TMA headcanon is that the Eye chooses asexual people as avatars so it doesn't have to see humans have sex.

But when it chose Elias, it saw he's such a whore it might aswell enjoy the show.

[thezachy]

Hi, have this rough draft of a Strahd animatic I started like three hours ago.

[thezachy]

the fact that women tend to kiss him doesn't mean they are his love interest he's just hot-

Kitsune - kissed him randomly

Chizu - kissed him randomly MULTIPLE TIMES

Mariko - we're not talking about her I hate her

Tomoe - literally the only woman he had chemistry with AND THEY NEVER. KISSED. ONCE. LIKE. THE HELL.

this is like his 5th love interest what is wrong with him

[thezachy]

you've heard of 'old man yaoi', but what about 'old man accidentally joins a throuple doomed by the narrative'

[thezachy]

I need more Usagi and Jei encounters, I still remember when I read this as a kid I found him the scariest villain I have ever seen.

i drew this back in october 2024 for a tribute book in honor of usagi yojimbo’s 40th anniversary and haven’t posted it online until now :] always loved usagi’s nightmare of being possessed by jei and wish there was more done with the concept so here i imagine jotaro taking the role of keiko and traveling alongside his uncle who hasn’t been the same after he had been found

^^ close ups

[thezachy]

The joy this brings me

Long ears

[thezachy]