thisisascene

[thisisascene]

I may have only created this side blog eight minutes ago, but this is fun, so I shall write until I’m no longer feeling so crappy. (This may be longer for you because I am a firm believer in the queue.)

I’m not posting anything I would be ashamed of being associated with. My main account is where I go to have fun. There’s still some filtering here, but it’s more raw and real. I write about what I am thinking about. You can engage as you please. I will engage as I please.

I suppose you may be wondering what to call me. I do not care. Dub me as the populace of Metropolis named Superman. (Though I highly doubt anyone shall ever need to dub me anything. But I shall write on anyway.

I am on a roll, aren’t I?

My house is quiet, and I am enjoying the break. I wish I could take this break all day. We will see what happens.

I have already caved in to see if my first post has gotten any notes. I really didn’t know what to tag it. I’ll do a little more research on what to tag this post and others in the future so I don’t spam tags this work doesn’t belong in.

Alright, on to the main topic I wanted to write about.

Imane Khelif.

I was sitting in church when an older gentleman behind me in Sunday School was making a comment in class. He said, “for fear of making things political,” and I braced myself. He said he was quite angry when he watched a man punch a woman in the Olympics. For a good minute, I sat there, confused. What was he talking about?

Then I remembered the misinformation about Imane, and my heart dropped. Did he really believe that?

I leaned over to my mother to ask her if this would be the time and the place to point out that was misinformation. I firmly believed the gentleman had just not checked the facts for himself. But she shook her head, and I let it go. I still don’t know if that was the right call.

But it hurt me.

Now, I don’t think this gentleman was a bad man (though I don’t even know his face, much less his name.) I believe people can have huge flaws in some areas of their lives and still be wonderful people. But this whole thing with Imane Khelif bothers me because it’s just not true. There really should be no debate around this. I don’t have the words for how much it hurts me that she has been made to suffer for such blatant lies.

There are the thoughts. Not much point to it. But I wanted to write them and I have deigned to share them.

[thisisascene]

I am not doing the italics thing again. You will be only getting the illusion of spontaneity from now on.

[thisisascene]

This is a Scene

This is a scene. It has words and sentences. 

I just finished trying to push back the table so it wouldn’t rub against the back of my laptop and make an odd grating sound and feeling.

I made a new paragraph and fixed a typo. The red line from Grammarly is still underlining feeling. There are now more.

I think I might make a side blog for these things. Part of why I write is to share. I want others to enjoy my ideas. Otherwise, I wouldn’t put in the work of writing them down.

I’m supposed to write a thousand words a day as part of my goal. I haven’t been doing it. I felt I didn’t need to because I’m working on an outline. I’m stuck on the outline. I am stuck because I am trying to write horrible people becoming better. This is hard because change is hard, and I want it to feel believable. I’ve been studying failed redemption arcs in the same franchise to avoid repeating those same mistakes.

I am wondering if I should polish this. I think I will, but italicize the changes. Keep the flow of thought feel.

Back to the outline. You know how Rome had really cruel punishments to prevent crime and treachery? My characters are the ones who would have carried it out. They enjoy it. They think they are in the right. How do you convince a Roman executor of cruelty that the punishments are too cruel? How do you convince them that how you carry out cruelty matters? That enjoying pain is wrong? (Is it?) What is too much cruelty?

(Btw you can answer those questions. I’d love the help. But I highly doubt anyone will see this. Kind of freeing and disappointing that thought.)

I am stuck thinking how easiest to make all my edits in italics.

This is fun. It feels nice. I have had a hard time feeling nice lately. (I am torn between starting a new thought and going back and adding a sentence somewhere else. I will add the sentence and some parentheses. Ended up adding way more than one sentence. I’ve lost the thought.)

I’m reading over some of the past words, and I was just noting I had written 366 words. But, of course, that number has since changed. Counting words feels a bit like counting seconds. So perhaps to cease writing is to make time stand still.

I like writing. It’s important to me. I worry how I will find time for it when I have a job and or children.

I notice that the Google Doc did not save my title for this file. I’ll have to redo it since I think I will make more of these.

I’m supposed to be journaling, too. Does this count as journaling?

For the second time since I started writing this “scene,” I remember that I have an online friend who has multiple Tumblr accounts that she keeps unconnected. That I don’t know the true main. Will this side account be like that?

It doesn’t bother me that my friend has all these hidden layers. I think it is far too much work, but she can keep her secrets. She can reveal them when she wants to.

I miss my boyfriend.

I think I will keep this very disconnected. Dare I share this at all? Are my feelings on love and my struggles in it too sacred for the public? For the page?

But we all struggle in love. That is what makes it love, for if there is no love, we would not choose to struggle and just leave. Fair weather friends and all that.

615 words.

The scraping thing happened again. I’ll try to fix it.

I can’t. My mother has changed the table arrangement again. I had to move the dog off the couch and I am bothered that I had to leave my original comfy spot.

There’s a lot of red on the page. That’s a lot of italics.

I can hear my mom and sister talking in their animated way.

Will my posterity find this entry useful? Will they be able to understand it? I should date this on the doc. Tumblr will record the date, but who knows if the hellsite will still exist. I hope it does. I hope Tumblr is still here when the world is bathed in fire.

I am a Christian. That might bother you. I really am writing for Tumblr now, so sorry to any future descendants reading this.

I really can’t keep my religion and beliefs out of anything, can I? I’ve always been that way. It doesn’t bother me.

What do I write about now? I feel like I want to keep writing forever. The flow of words is what I live for. I’d try my hand at being an author, but it keeps turning into fanfic. I’ve written about that before elsewhere.

I had a brief thought about what I will call the side blog. I made a side blog before but never posted to it. My mother had some words to say about it that snuffed the idea. She was right.

Apparently, I am spelling side blog wrong.

There is going to be a lot of italics.

I had one creative writing professor. I didn’t much like him. I felt the class was a waste of time. He wanted us to write scenes, but I still don’t know what counts as one in his mind.

Just deleted a sentence. I don’t want to talk about the professor anymore, I guess.

936 words.

On my outline, I often wonder if I should scrap the story all together. I want these characters to change because I have plans to explore what they will do with that change in the future and what others will do about them. But I wonder if perhaps I should give up those plans because I won’t be able to properly write them changing. They really are quite awful.

But I believe anyone can change. Some are more likely than others. These characters are very unlikely. But so was Darth Vader until Luke came along. I must find the circumstances that will bring about their change. It is very hard to figure out exactly what those circumstances would be.

1057 words. Time to wrap up the “scene”. I haven’t been at it for very long. I’d ask you what I should write about next, but that might cramp my style. You may ask anyway. We will see what happens. At least now, no matter what else happens today, I will have written something.