thisoneismysafeplace

[thisoneismysafeplace]

[thisoneismysafeplace]

I don’t like you but I am so attached to you.

I know I like someone else but you confuse me all the time.

You make me happy.

You brighten up my day.

You’re my ice breaker.

I just can’t see days without you anymore

[thisoneismysafeplace]

Buried feelings grow

[thisoneismysafeplace]

sadness

I have always been known as someone who’s an open book.

I seemed to share more than what I supposed to.

However, they have no idea that everything I express are just my ideals.

The real ones are kept within me.

I no longer want to get intouch with anyone.

I want to be alone.

I want to live my life.

A life not being dictated.

A life different from what I used to have.

[thisoneismysafeplace]

FREEDOM

I feel like I have always been in a cage.

An open space one.

My life decisions were all in consideration of the convenience and liking of the people around me specially family.

It all started when I had to go to a science hs instead of the same school where my bestfriend will go to.

I chose UST not because of fun but because this is the only way I can assure myself that I will graduate on time and where courses that can offer me good fortune are available. Specifically business finance.

Everyone knows how badly I want to be a pediatrician but that’s only for those who have above level brains to get scholarship or for those who have the privilege of money.

There are offerings of scholarships without the need of being too smart but they require this parents income where my dad exceeds on. We’re not too poor but not too rich, middle class seems to have it but not all.

I can’t explain this to words but you’ll get the idea.

I chose UST because it’s easier than UP for me, finance because upon research it’s a good paying field.

But I was wrong with the easy part I had a hard time in my course as it’s not my forte. I am used to experiments and studying scientific theories.

Despite those difficulties I manage to graduate due to a miracle. It’s sad to feel like a loser though, someone who used to be coined as smart did not even graduate with latin honors in a school she thought is a no brainer.

Karma? I think.

When I started to work I thought starting to earn money would be easier and better. I am so excited to be able to give back to my parents, it’s fulfilling, it’s fun but there are situations which are draining me.

I keep on getting away with goals and plans because financially I have planned it well but they would have to borrow money from me which has taken half of my savings already.

This is no biggie but when it’s constant it’s draining.

Another factor is that my mom and I are not in good terms and yet this happens. I hate to feel like I’m just an ATM or a fallback.

I have to help but I tolerate as well her mean and toxic attitude recently.

I am losing empathy with her, she’s being selfish and bringing too much negativity around which makes me want to escape this cage where I am in.

I would like to be away. To live alone or live away from here and maybe I can regain my peace.

And yet I cannot open up to anyone because I don’t want them to see us like this as they know and believe we’re a perfect family but things are just getting complicated recently and I am not carrying it well already.

Sometimes suicide comes into my mind.

Like thinking I am not up to any good in the future makes me want to end things already as I no longer see a purpose here.

[thisoneismysafeplace]

[thisoneismysafeplace]

Too anxious.

I only have less than 6 days to fit all these concepts in my shitty brain.

[thisoneismysafeplace]

Ang masokista ko sa part na pinapakinggan ko yung playlist nya na mukhang para sa taong gusto nya

[thisoneismysafeplace]

Mali bang maconfuse sa dalawang taong magkaibigan pa but nvm parehas namang walang pag asa

[thisoneismysafeplace]

To the person who made me the happiest,

Hi tom, you really came in my life without a notice.

You were a mere colleague I have to work with (forcefully) 🤣.

But you surprised me with your energy. You made our conversations so fun. We have so much in common, so much.

We like the same stuff.

And tbh, you distracted me. A good one.

I was mending a broken heart when you came into my life. I was rejected by a person I like for a long time already. And you came, and you just unintentionally keep me companied.

You made me laugh genuinely.

You gave me someone who I can talk to happily within the serious walls of our work.

I am not sure if everything is real but it would be painful if not.

I guess, after 3 months of talking, I was caught off guard that I am starting to fall for someone like you, someone I have not even met in person.

I also did discover something about you and was hurt by it, not because I judged you, but because I am sadden by the fact that we can’t be and yet I still like you.

Up until this moment, i do, but I am trying my best to avoid you.

You have no idea that I feel this way.

I guess I want to keep you. Just ignore what I feel. Remain as friends. Idk?

I just want to make you stay.

[thisoneismysafeplace]

Fuck boys not my boys 🥱

[thisoneismysafeplace]

MESS

I badly want to be ok.

I must not be distracted specially now.

I am striving for something.

I cannot afford another failure.

I cannot.

Please self focus.

Please 😩

[thisoneismysafeplace]

Ghad I hate my life

[thisoneismysafeplace]

To my distraction

You came in my life unexpectedly.

The first day we talk was ecstatic.

We vibed, our energies matched. Maybe?

It came to a point where I seek for your presence.

You bring so much joy.

I am not sure if I like you.

I have not met you in person.

But one thing’s for sure

You make me happy

[thisoneismysafeplace]

Thank you for the happiness you bring into my life.

I’m not sure yet but I guess you’re the best distraction that ever happened to me.

[thisoneismysafeplace]

I don’t know if this is a abnormality but my problem wifh sleeping is recurring again 😭

[thisoneismysafeplace]

I do feel bad when I give so much energy to someone and they turn out to be faking energy.