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[thomasharpole]

To humbly pray

My life continues to improve every time I pray.

I will always try to remember this.

Maybe you should try it. Give it a shot.

Something out there is listening. And wants to breathe love and light into you. Let go of the self and allow it to drive.

[thomasharpole]

The Symphony

But to depend on another psychologically — to depend on another emotionally — what does that imply?

It means to depend on another human being for my happiness.

Think about that. Because if you do, the next thing you will be doing, whether you’re aware of it or not, is demanding that other people contribute to your happiness.

Then there will be a next step — fear, fear of loss, fear of alienation, fear of rejection, mutual control.

Perfect love casts out fear.

Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do not cling.

Can you enjoy the relationship on a non-clinging basis, where what you really enjoy is not that person; it’s something that’s greater than both you and the other person.

It is a kind of symphony, a kind of orchestra that plays one melody in one person’s presence, but when he or she departs, the orchestra doesn’t stop. When I meet someone else, it plays another melody, which is also very delightful.

And when I’m alone, it continues to play. There’s a great repertoire and it never ceases to play.

-Anthony DeMello

[thomasharpole]

Jubilance - 7/28

A evening with the Dave Matthews Band in Tampa, FL

I am still trying to piece together and process what I experienced last night in the sweaty mess of a pit, watching some of the most talented, world-class musicians weave unforgettable songs and melodies together with us. The last 2 hours of this show amounted to the most powerful and most spiritual experience I’ve ever had seeing live music. Words, especially in English, fall short of my experience and don’t do it justice. It seems futile to write about it, and yet I want to preserve this night in my writing and internalize the lesson from last night as much as I can.

To stand so close at a show is something I had only done 10 years ago, but I wasn’t ready at the time to understand what I was seeing. As a musician, to watch these men last night, who I have now listened to for the better part of 20 years, genuinely felt like spending time with family or the closest friends of your life.

I could see everything. I could see the smiles, the laughter, the concentration, the emotional highs and lows, and the chemistry of these humans on stage together. I could see Carter’s love and thrill for each band member, his genuine undying smile and extraordinary speed and language he speaks on the drum kit. I could see him feel every single cymbal hit before it even landed. I could see Jeff and Rashawn’s friendship as two brass players, and the way they observe each other through their intricate solos. I could see Fonz get giddy during certain musical moments. I could see Tim’s immense concentration and what feels like his access to another dimension in the way he speaks through his guitar. I could see Buddy fresh and fly demeanor, his constant smile while playing keys, and how he is so deeply appreciated by the other legacy members of the band. I could see Dave’s raw outpouring of himself into every song he sang, his soul eternally begging to be released and shown to the world through the language of music. I could also see the warm twinkle in Dave’s eye from 25 feet away, you could tell that he, who feels like a lifelong friend to all of us, felt right at home and his presence communicated something like “I am so thrilled and happy to be here with you, my loving family, after so damn long.”

The venue disappeared for me because we were so close. I felt like I was in a small room with these guys. I was listening to exactly what I would want to hear and watch if I knew I had one evening left until my life was over.

Below are a few moments from certain songs that I wish to hold onto forever.

Setlist and moments:

**I felt the show really started to take off from JTR onward, so I’m going to start song comments at that point.

Tripping Billies Raven Seek Up So Right When The World Ends Seven You Might Die Trying Satellite The Riff

JTR: the pit crew was absolutely thrilled when JTR started playing. “Rain down on me” resonated deeply with a crowd and musicians who were so brutally covered in the sweat and humidity of the evening, it felt as if everyone in this moment resigned to the extreme physical state we were all in, and the musicians were right there with us. The way the horns built the the jam motif in the end of this tune, teasing and getting snagged on the same melody (between 4 and 6 time sig) until their final release in the last 8 bars. The way Carter carries the group through the end, with Dave high stepping along the way… just fantastic.

The Song that Jane Likes: Sweet song, amazing visuals behind the stage, and first time playing this year on tour.

Typical Situation: Something happened at this point in the show that changed the dynamic of the rest of the night. I watched Carter and Dave come alive during this tune. First, to see Carter playing shaker, mallets, and drumsticks on one song and switch effortlessly between them was awesome. But when this song went into the 7/8 chromatic jam during the middle of the outro it was off the charts. Buddy was hammering the keyboard, Carter was slamming the china cymbals, and Dave was DANCING harder than I’ve seen in 4 shows. The pit sang this one loud.

Do You Remember: Endless 90s nostalgia for me. The visuals of the bicycle evoke extremely colorful feelings of my childhood on Ivy St. The endless summer days, the laughter and sports and quiet evenings outside. My dad sitting on a chair watching us. I could write pages on just this feeling, but this song is a portal into my childhood.

Grey Street: Felt the song coming, and as Carter counted the intro out loud the tempo is so recognizable, it almost has its own identity for this song as the drums roll into the opening chord. The third verse comes back to life and the pit loves it. The girl I’m with says something about me being the crazy man creeping and I make a maniac face and she laughs. The thrill of seeing someone I know witness this song in person, up close, is overwhelmingly wholesome. It feels for a moment, as if the night has conspired to make this all happen. I almost hit the floor during the yeah scream on Grey Street after the 3rd chorus. Belted the note too hard and lost oxygen to my head, felt myself about to pass out immediately and grabbed on for dear life. The sax and trumpet duel during the outro between Jeff and Rashawn is staggering and leads us into the final riff of the song which just punches you in its goodness and power.

If Only: Just a humble little song. I need to listen to this one again (live version) to draw out what I remember from the stage.

Dancing Nancies: Dark, absolutely astounding. Tim Reynolds played the most other-worldly guitar solo with visuals on the back of broken dolls, babies, all kinds of crazy things. Dave began the song asking all the right questions about what he could have been to the audience. The hits on the outro in series of 8 were felt in my chest. Best version of it I’ve seen.

Warehouse: My all-time favorite song from this band. This intro is the most visceral and raw sequence in the show. When the sax, trumpet, guitar, and keys come together all in tremolo in 32nd notes, the frequencies and overtones created along with Carter’s enormous rapid cymbal sound is so intense you can see the physical effect it has on Dave. The closest way I could describe this intro as if the soul is being extricated by force out of the body and almost vacuumed or sucked upwards into a new reality it has to reckon with. “Only hope you’re here to pull me out, when I start going under, as the warehouse slips away” gives me chills. (To get a slight idea of what this is like, watch this clip at 38–40 mins. It’s from a different show, but note especially Dave’s viscerally clear connection with something beyond our understanding around the 39m mark.)

The strobes and lights here only add to the intensity of this intro. The huge yell before the 2nd verse. The drive into the outro. The salsa hits at the end. Rashawn just driving the trumpet to where it sounds like a different instrument. And the final lyrics in the moment of great reckoning:

That’s our blood down there⁣

Seems poured from the hands of angels⁣

Then trickle into the ground⁣

Leaves the Warehouse bare and empty⁣

Then my heart’s numbered beat⁣

Will echo in this empty room⁣

And fear wells in me⁣

Til’ nothing seems big enough to stay long

So I am going away, I am going away

The final Eadd9 chord lands as the warm summation and resolution to the song. I see the faces of all of my friends from the last 10 years that have been moved by this piece of music as well, and every place I have been in my life when listening to this song. It’s a sweet ending.

Everyday: One of Buddy’s licks on the intro to this song was a 32nd note run that blew the entire band away. He played 16 notes in under 2 seconds down the scale. Carter, who is probably the most attentive to rhythm, had his jaw on the floor. Everyone was loving it. The improv vocals. The 3 part harmonies. The crowd singing Hani Hani come and dance with me. The final build. Richness.

PNP > Rapunzel: Endlessly playful song that is perfect way to end a show. Funniest part of the show is when Dave’s string broke about 15 seconds before the outro-dance-explosion that becomes the end of this song. It was very critical that the new guitar get on before the downbeat of the outro because of how much the song picks up and to keep that energy. As Dave is bending his neck to put the new guitar on, after 3 hours of playing and probably in some pain, he changed the last lyrics of Rapunzel to: “Every single thing you do to me, my god I’m FUCKED, but I’ll do, my best, for you, I’ll do yeaaaaaa. LOL! I’m sure he’s used this change before but it was timed so perfectly with him tangled in a new guitar strap, with his head banging against the various items, knowing he had about 3 seconds to pull of this change and it was not going well.

Encore:

Singing From The Windows: I could not hold it together for this song. After a year and a half of what has felt like chaos in the lives of many people and in humanity, the acceptance and hope that pours from this song, and out of Dave, is enough to floor anyone that has an ounce of care for the rest of our species. I looked around and everyone around me in the pit was crying. Dave got choked up on this song the other night and looked like he was barely holding it together. There was a quiet and serenity for a moment without the band, and all of the focus went to the songwriter and the gripping power one man and a guitar can have on an audience of 20,000 people.

Why I Am: Man, it really felt like Leroi still carries a presence in this band and you can tell why the band sings it often.

Stay: By this point, everyone was so insanely hot in the pit that they were belting Stay knowing that it was the last chance we would get to sing together. The way Carter syncopates the china cymbals on the outro of this song has always captured me. To watch Dave dance to this one more time while the horns went off and spread his arms wide on the final 3 seconds of the song was an exclamation point on a wild ass evening.

— —

Anyway, I wish that every human being could experience what I did last night. The world would be an infinitely better place. It’s not often that we have moments in our life that alter the course of the path we’re on, but I think it’s important to recognize them when they happen.

Whatever God is or means, or exists insofar as we allow him/her/it into this world, God was absolutely radiating last night. In the faces of the people, and in the entity that lives and breathes and is created when these musicians get together on stage. There is something above and beyond human form that I am humbled to have been a witness to.

It sounds a bit wild, but we are so unbelievably bigger than our bodies trick us into thinking we are. We are so much bigger than the Warehouse that contains us. And yet, we must live and do God’s work through this physical vessel because it is the only form that we take while we’re here. We must learn from this self and feed it, nourish it, teach it to become more than what it thinks it is.

One other thought: to share this musical experience alone is wonderful. But to have shared this band with someone I love so deeply is all a person could ever ask for. It is the epitome of the human experience, that is, to watch another person receive their own gift, their own joy, their own meaning from something you believe in, and to know they will carry it with them forever. They are changed by your truth. I got to see her become fully and endlessly alive because of this music last night. And that was infinitely enough.

We left the venue on fire with gratitute. It sounds wild, but I remember thinking I could die quite peacefully at that moment! I couldn’t conjure any other thing I needed to go do on this planet. I couldn’t conjure a negative thought. It was impossible. The word “ecstasy” doesn’t do this feeling justice, because the emotions are so much further in range than just intense happiness. Perhaps “awareness” or “power” or “spiritual fullness” resound a bit more to me, but for everyone it is different.

I think what’s most special about this band is that their music permeates into the core of who you are as a human being. It’s spiritual. It’s bursting with truth. It transforms how you see the world. It becomes your attitude and your way of life. This is why these guys sold more live tickets than any other group on earth for 10 years straight. The range of emotion embedded in the music is also the perfect analogy of what we as people honestly grapple with during our journey here. The lessons are clear. The music has given millions of people permission to live better lives: with jubilance, resilience, and an understanding that joy exists even amidst the deepest of pain. Each day we have an opportunity to show someone else this honest attitude, this truth, through whatever medium we choose. It is one of the greatest gifts we can offer another person. There is no question I will carry the richness of this experience with me, from now until the end of my life. I am forever thankful for nights like this, nights that are simply transcendent.

Thomas Harpole

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[thomasharpole]

Grace

The fastest way for me to relieve all of my struggles and negative feelings is to hang around a person filled with grace.   But what does this word mean?   Well, this is an interesting analysis of how the ancient Hebrews used the word before it was simplified into English.

In diving in on what this word really means, we come to the Hebrew verb:  חנן roughly translated as "to be gracious."  This usage of the word is "paralleled with such ideas as healing, help, being lifted up, finding refuge, strength and salvation (literally rescue)."   Graciousness also had a rough translation of "to pitch a camp."   

If we tie these two translations together, we get an idea of what it means to be filled with grace as a person:  we provide other human beings shelter from the outside, a place of temporary peace, protection, relief, and strength.    Our communication, humor, movement, song, dance, art - all of these human elements - provide this 'camp' for another person to lay their head and be in the company of another.  

I strive to be this person sometimes.  

How I would like to be this person more often... when no one else is looking.  

How I would like to be this person more often...when I have nothing to gain from the person (their attraction, their power or connections, their attention, my or their dependence). 

-

The other day I wrote a note to a young waitress who was working hard and exhausted. My note said she had the most beautiful Colorado smile I've seen in a long time.   I didn't leave my number, name, nothing.   The only intention was to give her a moment of appreciation long after I left.  I know I can cultivate more of this, or at least make it my north star.   This is my mission.

[thomasharpole]

To be or not to be (cheerful)

Being cheerful is such an undervalued attitude these days.

There are many folks that are ‘nice’ and ‘polite.’   And that’s… good.  

But have you ever hung around a genuinely cheerful person?

I mean this kind of vibe:  no-strings-attached, I’m thrilled to be here, let’s do this, I don’t care how long it takes, let’s have fun, let’s work our ass off.

Being courteous is kind of a commodity now.  It’s expected.  It’s pragmatic.  It’s necessary for forming relationships and maintaining them.   We can all agree on that.

But… being cheerful is a choice.  It’s a whole different animal.  It will take you places that politeness will simply not.

Enthusiasm is contagious.  

Your energy is a language, not just your words.

Speak it.

[thomasharpole]

Follow Through or Go Broke

If you have the audacity to think you’re going to make a living as a  creative, artist, or entrepreneur, it’s high-stakes work every waking  minute. 

If you consistently miss deadlines, overpromise,  don’t call or text back, don’t stay omnipresent with the people you work  with, deprioritize people that want to pay you, take more than you  give, and are generally unreliable, you will go broke in the long run.   And guess what... you absolutely deserve it!  

Talent  without people skills isn’t enough to get by anymore.   Listen to the  legends in athletics, music, and business.  Often they were not the  fastest, smartest, most technically gifted, etc.  But they showed up,  worked their ass off, and brought immense value to other people around  them.  

Most of what we do is not that unique.  It could be  automated, commoditized, or farmed out to someone that will take less  money and work harder.  

Your growth or failure will be determined by:

a) how you treat the people you work with

b) how well you follow through with anything you set out to do

c) your creative angle and energy you bring that no one else does. 

So, anytime you set out to do something, follow through with other people. 

Finish what you started and outwork your previous standard.  Or... go  broke.

[thomasharpole]

Slow carb diet

Starting now.   3rd summer I’ve done the diet.   More info to come. 

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/slow-carb-diet

[thomasharpole]

I’ve been listening to Maria for 2 years and this tune is mind-numbingly beautiful.    The translation is not perfect to English, but man... it is pure poetry.    Written by Maria when she was 10 years old.  

The live version is also amazing:  https://youtu.be/lUJS4thTDKI

I can’t to learn Portuguese.

[thomasharpole]

My Manifesto (rough)

The goal is to escape at any time.

To escape to New Zealand for two weeks to songwrite, surf, and roadtrip around to see old friends.

To escape to Italy to make new friends, learn gelato, and become a paragliding expert.  To shoot over to Switzerland and see the amazing landscapes.

To escape to Cambodia to visit Xavier Jesuit School and old friends, and help with anything.

To escape to South America and visit new places, practice Spanish, and take high school kids on different trips and inspire them, to offer help to local schools there for a few weeks.

To escape to California for a weekend of hanging and sightseeing.

To escape to Japan to get lost in their little boat towns and the countryside.

To escape to Vancouver to see what it’s all about.

To play soccer daily and paraglide often and do boxing and compete in new sports…

To record music, new albums, content, collaborate with other musicians

To interview people, write, post stories, shoot video projects, meet new people.

To live wherever I want, for whatever period of time, and meet amazing people in those places.

To invest and do RE deals and keep my analytics sharp… in any market.

I feel like this is somewhat my vision or manifesto…. And will require extremely hard work and dedication to setup the finances and cashflow to get there and make this happen.  But getting it written down and on paper is the first step… to understand what’s motivating me.  

[thomasharpole]

A new challenge

It feels strange typing this, but I almost wish my leg was broken again.   I wish it was November 8th, 2020 and I was back in the hospital.  A quiet and calm Sunday night, with Chipotle freshly delivered at my hospital bed.

I want an entire challenge again:  physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.  I miss the daily struggle, the doubt, the decision to stand up and fight, the simplicity of the mind kicking into gear and saving you.

I loved it, in a way.   I knew all along it was important, that it would mold me and make me tougher.

Well, it has.   And now I want more.  I don't know what more is, but I want to put my body on the line again.  I want to be afraid, to have my fate left up to my daily decisions to fight.  

Maybe I should be in the refugee camps.   Maybe I am equipped to find the worst suffering in the world and face it head on.   To be a leader among people somewhere, at risk at all times.   Is that my calling?

Or am I just feeling the call to be a dad, and sacrifice everything for my son or daughter?

Time to think about this...