tileworm

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Whatever okay I fucking get it I’m working on it thank you, public acknowledgement me @ me

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I’m going to get in really trouble for posting here. I’m sorry. I switched and didn’t notice. Other people have been saying they switched so I’m probbably allowed to say that. I don’t know who’s allowed to talk.

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I’m not allowed to say things but I want to cry I don’t know what to do. I keep forgetting things I just know how much trouble I’m in and I’m scared.

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I’m trying not to talk to people or let anyone know who Iam or know anything about us. I feel really, really, really guilty.

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I really, really, really fucked up. I want it to go back to normal. I keep being bad and I keep messing up so it’s really bad.

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I’m not allowed to speak. I know I’m not. I feel really guilty for thinking I was allowed to attempt it or do it behind everyone’s back. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m scared of posting this too.

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I’m terrified. I don’t recognize my family. I have rage I’m not allowed to express. I’m going to hurt someone. I can’t speak to anyone. I’m not allowed to speak to anyone, I’m going to hurt someone if I do.

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Things endos/tulpas don’t talk about or romanticize about DID/OSDD

tw: mentions of trauma, csa, abuse, hallucinations, introject guilt, self harm

Not remembering/knowing seemingly common information (math, history, trivia, etc) because your trauma blocked it out.

Introjects of abusers.

Alters with opinions/beliefs that are generally harmful (homophobic, pro-MAP, sexist, etc.)

Introjects from harmful/problematic sources because of what you used to cope during trauma.

hallucinations and flashbacks

hypoarousal and tonic immobility

hypersexual littles from previous csa

introject guilt (feeling bad for being canon divergent, pressure to be “accurate”)

nobody wanting to front and feeling empty/hollow.

fear of not being taken seriously even by medical professionals

fear of being seen as evil

system responsibility even in horrible situations

alters that self harm the body, fronting only to see you are in immense pain

having to be covert and not knowing who to trust

fear of faking or that your trauma wasnt enough to cause this disorder

species dysphoria and age dysphoria not being taken seriously because of how non-systems appropriated it

feeling disgusting or unlovable because of your trauma

feeling rage because endos/tulpas appropriated this serious disorder.

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How do you cope with your amnesia getting so bad you switch mid-sentence and can’t remember what you or anyone else in the room said literally 3 seconds ago. I’d like to be one person, please. This is getting ridiculous I can’t even hold a conversation

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I mean this in the most disordered way possible, I’m tired of pretending to be one person.

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Wow I have come a long way from the last time we used this blog I wonder if I’m allowed to use it (alter of the proper blog owner here) considering this is the only blog we talked about having DID (shot in the dark here) but much progress considering now we talk to our therapist about it instead of pretending it doesn’t exist every day. You would be surprised what that does for you!!!!!!

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Hi ^_^ I’m coming back to this blog bc I’m desperate........ I’m looking for a DID/OSDD discord where venting/possible triggering convo is allowed so I can get some feedback on personal issues I’m working through... Trying to get therapy ofc but it is seriously slow

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everyone shut the fuck up. wurmple sippy soup

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Could you consider drawing Colin from Twilight Princess? Maybe getting a piggyback ride from Link??

ok!!! i love tp and colin was a really cool character 🐺

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i’m going to say this and going to keep saying this till people get this into your heads:

introjects are not some special kind of alter/headmate just because we are introjects. i do not care if my source is your favorite character or not, i am my own person. do not act like you know anything myself or anyone else who is introject before you meet us because you know our source.

we do not have to disclose our source to you. we do not have to tell you what our relationships are like in our memories and in the present. we do not even have to tell you we are an introject if do not want to and we do not own explanation why.

at the same time, do not shame us for sharing with you we are introjects. do not treat us the same way you do with kinning. we are not similar despite to community overlap. we should be allow to act as different or as similar to our source as we want to be and be proud of it. do not act harsh if we feel comfortable sharing our source with you just because you don’t like the source or think it is “cringe”. we do not control it and many of us are not even that connected to our source.

just let us be ourselves.

this post is about did/osdd, do not derail. singlets are encouraged and should reblog.

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some DID things i wish someone had told me sooner

tumblr is not a resource.

dissociation isn’t spiritual.

systems aren’t spiritual either.

other people won’t usually notice you switching but sometimes you won’t  notice yourself switching either.

you don’t have to know who was fronting at all times.

alters can influence you even if they’re not currently fronting (re: passive influence).

sometimes you won’t realize when an alter is co-con with you, other times you will but you won’t know who.

it’s ok if you don’t know who you are.

it’s ok if you don’t know how many alters you have.

your alters don’t have to have their own names.

it’s common to not know every little detail about your alters.

it’s also common to not have good system communication.

persecutors are traumatized, not evil.

every part of you deserves a chance to recover and be happy. treat your alters kindly.

you don’t have to identify as multiple people just because you have DID.

alters are parts of one whole.

you don’t have to have a system name.

you don’t owe anyone anything about your alters or trauma (but you should consider sharing with a therapist).

it’s ok to not know everything about your system.

it’s ok to be confused about a lot of things.

DID is confusing.

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