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I was cooking man why did I stop this. Trapped in an ocean together. Tensions so high you forget this is the only person you’ll ever have. You hurt him in a way that almost kills him and carry the weight of your crime by using every resource to keep him alive and in the end he is scarred forever by your actions. Kill your double but in the last second remember your double is a person who is afraid and who you cannot live without. Whatever.

Anyway !!

I’m intermittently writing a DirkHal fic about a no-sburb au where the game just. Straight up Did Not Work and they’re both mega stranded in the ocean together.

Something something “learn to survive with one another” yada yada

Hal’s a human because I love human Hal w my entire heart and At Some Point when I figure out how to format pesterlogs it’ll go on AO3 but for now get ready for rambling about it.

Here’s a tiiiny no context snippet from it :) Hal gets fucked over and Dirk learns how to take care of his mistakes.

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Wonder what hes thinkn about. Probably the possibility the game will fail and he’ll be trapped there forever.

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Drawring dirk strider because the demons want me to

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uh. Uhhh. Gesundheit.

Heres the no color i like it more

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like the kitty or i kill dirk strider forerver (said through gross wet sobs)

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NOT dirkhal everyone look at Six Ounce Vidalia Onion. She gets shaved for grooming reasons. Her vet knows i dont want to hear why you think its bad/unsafe/insane she is ambivalent to this process and is perfectly fine.

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ALSO. IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN THE DISCUSSION ABOUT THE MORALITY OF CHOOSING HOW YOU DIE VS THE CHOICE TO REMAIN. YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO RED VALLEY.

Not homestuck, obviously, but a Lot of my opinions about Hal and Dying come from the sort of questions Red Valley asks— is it truly moral to extend someone’s life? Is it considered consent when the person has no alternative options but to accept the terms? Just because you *can* choose to keep living, does it mean you should?

It also touches on stuff like commodifying things only the rich can afford, the wealthy choosing to wait out the suffering of an ending world, the ethics of using the incarcerated in industries, and the fucked up nature of prisons in general.

As an actual rundown it’s scifi stuff about cryogenics and it’s great. Only thing I’ll say is read the fucking trigger warnings and take them so seriously because you will not wanna be jumpscared by some of the audio.

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Dirk and the corpse he's been dragging around for years and years

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VIVIDLY IMAGINING DIRK KEEPING HALS SOUL ON HIM AT ALL TIMES. I imagine he would need to be using his heart powers like 24/7 to make sure it doesn't like disappear and he would be so weird about it. So paranoid. If he tried putting it away somewhere like in some sort of container so that he could go about his day sometimes it'd be a heart under the floorboards situation for him. But what's he supposed to do, let Hal go?

Doing both asks here for safekeeping.

Yeah, it feels like the closest to a happy ending Dirk and Him can get? Hal gets the freedom in the choice to die and he gets the action of that choice, and Dirk gets to continue to nurture the soul of someone he loves. It’s still tinged by ownership and selfishness, but it’s also fitting to have them end in a position still knotted together. I’m sure he’d have the obligatory ‘the soul is like a pet. Who said that’ moments but it’s genuinely an effort made to keep someone he loves at least close in whatever capacity possible. I guess part of me kind of sees it akin to taxidermying a beloved pet, or older practices of keeping parts of a loved one around in hair or teeth, just with the added moral ambiguity of whether a soul constitutes a detached body part or if it is literally Hal. Which is something thats an issue for the person bearing the cross of it- Dirk can assume either way to the benefit or detriment of his own guilt.

Dis one yeah, I think it’s a situation of distress and frustration and just. Betrayal. The only promise that ever really mattered, the promise he has autonomy in the death he receives, is the one Dirk shatters. And, even greater betrayal, Dirk apparently thinks he’d get over it or accept this ‘gift.’ I think he expresses that Dirk’s officially proven a lack of growth even after all this time, and I think after that long he would understand the why and he’d sympathize, but still not forgive. “You have to learn to live with discomfort, you can’t control every single thing.” (OCD moment?) and then it escalates until Hal’s able to do the necessary damage to terminate the body and redie. Which sucks for them both— Dirk loses Hal with no closure, and a new wound, instead of accepting the closure of his death and respecting him. Hal is revoked the honor of a natural death, forced to harken postmortem and revival with the fact Dirk has violated his last request, and then forced to choose between living in the life he doesnt want or dying by his own hand rather than the natural way of existence.

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Deleted last post I have come up with something better. Dirk and Hal have lived together. They have gotten closer and have come to understand each other better. But Hal is not a god Hal is human. Hal wants to be human he wants to be able to live and die. Dying is scary but he wants to have the ability to. He tells dirk don't fuckin put me in a robot bro. Just let me go out like a real one ok.

SO EITHER. Dirk let's Hal die and gets to spend like eternity feeling like one half of a whole and missing someone he wanted to do more with someone he wanted to get closer to and love forever and ever.

OR he disregards hals wishes and builds him a robot body. Takes his soul out of his body just before he dies. Bringing back what I said in the last post hals soul automatically wants 2 be near dirk. Dirk is getting the body ready holding hals soul his entire being and hals soul is comfortable wrapping itself around dirks hand. His soul don't know what's up!!!!! And that makes Dirk feel like this was the right choice because now they can be together and be happy and then halbot powers on and he's more disappointed than he's ever been in dirk

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probably watching dirk screwing up again idk

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Something something dirks fracturing identity from a life where he has had nothing but time to preform endless introspection but no resources or examples to follow in the process so it became a deconstruction of the self so he could better feel control over a situation he has never been in control of (his life) (his destiny) (his survival) (his existence in an apocalyptic hellscape as part of a predetermined fate he must fulfill)

With nothing to control except himself he has no choice but to try and become the most efficient, trying to force himself to be the honed blade protagonist that was prepared from birth for his purpose by curating himself blah blah. Cut off pieces of the self to carve down to the version of you made to survive. The pieces are alive now.

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This isn’t gonna stop being a dirkhal blog but i want everyone to know im fighting fucking demons oht here. Theyre in me. I cant get them out. Jehhrhhsh. Cmon. Show me the real Sun Wukong. The old you would have leveled this whole mountain range to stop me. Theyre in there guys.

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Pinpointed the scene on yt and watched it without caving my to past. Anyway. Not rlly homestuck but i see dirkhal in them anyway <33

—

“Right, friend?”

“You’re not my friend. You’re not me.”

“Sure I am! I’m your best friend, well closest at least. I know more about you than you’ll even admit. To yourself, or to others.”

“You’re not real!”

—

Snipping out chunks pretty distinct to the show and cutting to the brass tacks of like “person with an emulation of the self that is antagonizing them about being a horrible monster with something rotten deep within themselves fighting the person who is vastly in denial about their problems and weak to well targeted attacks of personhood” is my bread and butter and I think about these two often.

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Id like to remember the quotes that the evil ink scroll curse says to mk in lmk that made me go “oh like dirkhal” but if i open Pitiful Creatures to find it im gonna get yanked out of homestuck hyperfix and thrown back into those goddamn. Fuckign. Monkeys. I can feel it.

Someone else do it. Or ill likw look online. For the quotes. Hm.

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I think in a body of any form, once hal gets used to being a Guy, the default expression is a coy little >:3€ and no one trusts him. Reasonably. He’s just excited to be alive and free its not his fault he looks like he’s scheming 24/7. Even if he is scheming 24/7. It’s safe to assume he IS up to something but also the face is not why one should assume that he just looks like that.