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I saw a very good flag

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so. um. the good news is we found your boyfriend. the bad news is that, well, we sort of…dug him up…in the middle of a car park. in leicester (buckley et al. 2013). leicester, yeah. sorry. they demolished the friary he was hastily interred in when henry viii dissolved all the monasteries. you know how it is. and as it turns out, well, shakespeare was…sort of right about him. scoliosis, yeah, sorry (appleby et al. 2014). if it makes you feel any better we analysed his bones and it turns out he had a pretty high-protein diet before he died (lamb et al. 2014). and he drank so much wine that it changed their chemical composition, which we didn't know could actually happen before we analysed him (lamb et al. 2014), so he was having a good time, at least. 

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Appleby, J., Mitchell, P.D., Robinson, C., Brough, A., Rutty, G., and Morgan, B. (2014). The scoliosis of Richard III, last Plantagenet King of England: diagnosis and clinical significance. Lancet 383, 1944. 

Buckley, R., Morris, M., Appleby, J., King, T., O’Sullivan, D., and Foxhall, L. (2013). ‘The king in the car park’: new light on the death and burial of Richard III in the Grey Friars church, Leicester, in 1485. Antiquity 87, pp. 519-538. 

Lamb, A.L., Evans, J.E., Buckley, R., and Appleby, J. (2014). Multi-isotope analysis demonstrates significant lifestyle changes in King Richard III. Journal of Archaeological Science 50, pp. 559-565.

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tumblr users will see the word shrimp and black out and hit reblog without reading the rest of the post

🦐

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Ok everyone time for soup day. Everyone gets to add one ingredident. Ill start, i added some bullion cubes :)

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I get unreasonably mad when people throw out their tomato sauce jars. Bitch that's a free glass. Give it to me. I have onions I need to pickle.

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Here comes the boy

(via)

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Peanut the rescued squirrel

Peanut

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Boxing with a plant

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Beaver on his way home from getting groceries

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Cat is stairs

(via)

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Listen up!

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My Haunted Jar that likes to break things (especially towel hooks)

Tumblr Show & Tell

I, father strange, will be hosting a tumblr show and tell. Please comment or reblog with a picture + explanation of your prized possessions that you would like to share with the class today. I expect to receive so many goblin jars, cursed pieces of Garfield merch, and questionably sourced bones.

Make sure you’re very comfortable with sharing because my favourites will be selected for a video!

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The Haunted Jar

This is arguably the most cursed item I own, and several people have begged me to return it from whence it came. Apparently these are Mordor rules and it can only be disposed of where it was found. Let me paint you a picture of where this was.

Imagine: a Robin’s egg blue farmhouse buried deep in the underbrush off of a dirt road in upstate New York. The front door has been torn from it’s hinges and lies in a pile of broken glass on the front porch. The entire floor of the entryway is covered in a layer of destroyed books, old clothes, and a twin size mattress with questionable stains on it. All of the books have publication dates from before 1986, so I’m guessing that when this fun little pocket dimension was abandoned. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw an orange shag carpet rolled up and tossed into the hole that was once the basement stairs. Not only is the floor unstable, but going upstairs would be a bad idea because a colony of bees and foxes have taken up residence on the upper floors. As I carefully made my way through this house; I saw it. The Jar™️

I had a direct line of sight into the kitchen where two of these presumably cursed bottles sat on a shelf amongst the peeling wallpaper. The appliances had all been removed, but the cabinets and shelves were full of forgotten herbs and spices. I took the less icky of the two jars and started my mile long trek uphill back to where I was staying with some friends. This probably would’ve happened anyway, but I almost passed out on the walk back cause I was dumb and didn’t bring any water. Upon returning to the cabin with the jar, (which I found out is actually a Schmidt beer bottle from the 70’s) things started… happening. First, one of the towel hooks in the bathroom snapped clean off when I went to hang up a towel on it, and then within the next 2 days the OTHER two towel hooks broke. That was it. I was blamed for bringing this plague upon the cabin, and to this day I get made fun of for taking an obviously haunted jar and apparently causing some towel hooks to break. The haunted jar now happily holds my crochet equipment, and it hasn’t terrorized any towel hooks since.

Sometimes I think about going back to that strange little house in the woods, just to see what other cursed objects I can annoy my friends with.

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Saw a sad wet beast at the grocery store today