tinderthecity

[tinderthecity]

Mr. Meet Cute

The Holiday is one of my romcom guilty pleasures. It is also the movie that taught me the “meet cute” - that instance in a movie where two people serendipitously meet, that right place, right time, lock eyes moment.

Maybe it’s the rush of the unexpected, or this “meant to be” feeling as though the universe is giving you the stamp of serendipitous approval, but whatever it is, most people (myself included) seem to want and crave these moments.

One trip home to New York after a visit to Minnesota for Thanksgiving, I went to board my flight and was offered priority seating (the perks of running extremely late I guess :D). I took my seat and noticed a very attractive guy walk onto the plane. He threw his pack and attached construction hat in the overhead bin and took the aisle seat next to me. Priority seating is right. ;]

He was definitely around my age, tall, broad, had medium short brown hair and big kind brown eyes. I, of course, was entirely unprepared. Catching a late night flight and not accustomed to being sat next to Hottie McHotties, I had zero make up on, unwashed hair in a high pony, and a sweatshirt on.... thanks so much universe.

I couldn’t tell you how it started, but shortly after he sat we started talking to each other. I found out he was a manager of a construction company on a layover in Minnesota from a work trip in Colorado, and that he lived in Westchester New York. My first thought was - oh good, he was also on a plane home ;]. I told him I was working at Fordham University and that I planned to go for a masters degree. We ended up talking about spirituality and politics, and it wasn’t until we were well in the air that we both decided to zone into those complementary Delta movies.

Once we landed, we spoke a little again. I asked how he would manage to get home from the airport in Queens up to his home Westchester, knowing the public transit for me into Manhattan was nightmare enough. He explained that he had a car in the airport parking lot and would drive himself home. Immediately, he looked at me and offered to give me a ride too. It was extremely kind of him, but it was already 11pm. I knew my apartment was entirely out of the way for him, and even though I was getting a pretty harmless vibe from him, a part of me is always cautious of putting myself into vulnerable situations with people I’ve only just met. So I insisted that I would find my own way home.

I figured he may have quickly thought of the vulnerable situation himself, because he didn’t press any further. As we went to exit the plane, I had to walk a little ways toward the back to retrieve my carryon luggage, and by the time I walked off, he was already gone.

I was pretty bummed. We didn’t exchange numbers or even last names. At that point, I knew the chance was lost and I would have to chalk up the experience to a nice plane ride with a cute guy.

-----------------------------------------

Fast-forward a few weeks later. I decided to head to midtown in order to finish up some Christmas shopping. As soon as I hopped off the subway I felt the craving for a cup of coffee or tea. For some reason, I struggled to figure out where the closest Starbucks was (there literally on just about every corner so I was clearly having a stroke). I remembered there was one in Manhattan Mall so I walked in and saw a relatively long line at the little pop up Sbucks. The guy at the end of the line looked up at me and all of the sudden went “Chloé?” And there he was.... the cutie from the airplane. I absolutely could not believe it. I immediately felt the shock of that serendipitous meet cute moment that happens only in movies and never in real life. 

I also could not believe that yet again, I looked frumpy af... almost zero makeup, hair up, jacket on. Lol thanks again universe.

He offered to buy my coffee, so we chatted in line a bit. He was in midtown for a work meeting and on his break he somehow ended up at the same Starbucks as me. We talked about our weekends a bit and he mentioned hiking with some family members in upstate New York. I asked for the name of the park he went to and he said, “here why don’t you give me your number and I’ll text it to you. Plus, this way we can run into each other on purpose sometime.”

I casually said “yeah definitely,” but inside I was DYING. I could not believe that only a few weeks after our failed chance, we were softballed another, and he took it.

As he ran to his meeting, he texted me the park location. I responded “Thank you :]” and that was the end of our conversation.

Later that night he texted me

Him: “Hey Chloe it was good to see you again!” Me: “It was good to see you too! Thank you for the tea :]”

I figured him reaching out meant he would maybe want to follow up on meeting each other on purpose, but he didn't say anything. I felt a little confused but everyone I mentioned the story too said he was clearly interested and thought maybe he needed something more clear and distinct from me. So I texted him the next day:

Me: Hey ___, if you do want to run into each other on purpose on of these days let me know, coffee is on me.

He never responded.

All of my dating experience in New York has lead me to be exceedingly skeptical even when everything seems to point in the obvious “they’re into you” direction. But even so, I have to admit that after all of that, I was pretty bummed and confused. Why offer the ride home from the airport? Why offer to buy my coffee? Why offer to exchange phone numbers with the intention to meet up on purpose? So many offers... and yet?

I couldn’t fully understand it.

------------------------------------------------

I remember telling this story to a friend a year later. We were talking about how ideal it would be to meet someone in person rather than online, but I warned that the medium might not change the outcome much, at least my experience didn’t seem any clearer or easier. 

About two days after telling her the Mr. Meet Cute story, I found myself inside of Manhattan Mall, buying myself a coffee. I thought to myself, hey it’s been a year since I spoke to Mr. Meet Cute. Who knows if there was something else going on in his life that I didn’t know about at the time, and what could it hurt to reach out to him again?

So I did.

(I was glad to hear form him but definitely noticed that it took him a week to respond) ^

(the next day)

Laundry....?

And that was it... I never heard from him, and I never tried to reach out again. 

I figured at this point, if I didn’t see initiative on his end, it wasn’t worth it. I’m definitely willing to put myself out there and initiate, but shared intentionality is really important, particularly in the beginning of getting to know someone.

I wasn’t mad or frustrated with him, you never know why someone is doing the things they are, but I was confused, just as I had been a year prior. Yet again, I felt this consistent effort from him to offer opportunities to meet up followed by continued hesitation to follow through. I’m sure there are any number of reasons, none of which are probably personal to me.

Still, it was unfortunate. I mean what a cool meeting story would that be? Am I right? But this point in my dating life, I also understood that how you meet someone isn’t what substantiates it, it’s how you interact with one another from then on.

Simply put, I guess a meet cute doesn’t guarantee an end cute.

[tinderthecity]

The French Teacher

I remember when the french teacher liked me on Hinge. I saw his profile and felt unsure at first, half of his pictures were blurry, and my distance parameters were accidentally set a bit far so he lived outside of NYC in Connecticut. Still, he was very cute, like my exact type of cute, so I matched and invited him to start the chat (Bumble fatigued me on initiating conversation, so with Hinge, my MO was to always invite the guys to start us off ;]).

He went for it and commented on my Iceland photo, referencing a trip to Iceland he had previously been on. Even over a year later, Iceland still has my heart, so our conversation couldn’t have started off any better. From there, it only got better. He was a great conversationalist, he asked good questions and had a lot to say. I found out he taught French at a boarding school and was in the midst of applying for a Ph.D. in French focused on French philosophy. (🔥🔥🔥) At one point he said he had really wanted to check out the Cloisters, a beautiful castle-like museum close by where I lived in Manhattan. He decided he would drive into the city and meet me there on a Saturday. I’m generally very hesitant to give up valuable weekend real estate for a first date (read my previous story for this realization), but all things considered I was willing to make the exception.

I’m always holding my breathe right before the initial meeting, particularly when I already feel a spark in our lead up conversations. In the first few minutes I often know if I am excited to spend the next few hours with this person or bummed out that I will never get these upcoming hours of my life back (again, read my previous story for an example of this). I clearly remember walking up and, upon first meeting the French Teacher, immediately thinking — damn, he is very cute. It wasn’t just his look but his whole aura, his speaking voice (v important), the way he carried himself, our immediate conversational flow; giving up weekend real estate felt immediately worth it.

The date went swimmingly, we explored the museum and walked around the grounds, chatted, got to know each other more, and joked around. Half way through the date he took a picture of a piece of art and said he was sending it to his friends back in CT, thanking them for pushing him to come, and explaining that he is usually reluctant to actually go on dates when the time comes. I definitely felt flattered. We spent about three hours together and it had truly been the best date I had been on since I could remember. 

About three times before we parted ways, he asked when I would be free to get together again and explained what his upcoming schedule looked like. His boarding school hours were weird, 6 days a week for 12 hours a day, living in the school itself. On top of that he was part of the swim team leadership and had to take the students to their meets on multiple upcoming weekends. We decided we would keep each other updated with our upcoming weekends and find a time from there. But I left feeling hopeful, and honestly, excited.

In the days following, we realized the only upcoming time that would work over the next three weeks would late that next Saturday into early Sunday. He mentioned having me come up and stay the night in order to take advantage of that minimal time, but eventually we both decided against it because it felt like a lot for a second meet up. Not to mention his personal space was embedded into his work space (aka living among students). 

That meant we had to wait three weeks... but I’m all honesty, I liked him enough to make that work. We agreed to keep chatting in the meantime, but about a week and a half in, we hit a stint where I didn’t hear from him for a few days. I was feeling a bit disheartened. In our next text exchange I asked: 

Me: “I’m getting the feeling you’re kind of over this?” Him: “Just overwhelmed right now, Chloe” Me: “Okay, that’s very understandable and fair. Do you, enjoy time with your friend, I’ll be around :]” Him: “Thanks for understanding. This month is especially wild with this interview thing.”

By “interview thing” he meant an interview with Princeton, so I definitely understood.

We spoke a bit again over the next few days, but after that, five days passed without a word so I completely resigned myself to the reality that it was over. Of course, as soon as I accepted that, I received a text from him asking how my weekend was.

We went back and forth for a few days and then out of the blue he said “I miss our museum time, hope something like that happens again. I’m sorry, more like sad, not in a guilty sense, I’m so far away mentally and physically. We should hang in early March (as unfortunately planned). I am freeish and studentless here from the 4th to the 14th, at least.”

I felt hopeful, but in true French Teacher fashion, our next conversation would leave me confused.

Him: “How have you been, friend?” Me: “Friend, huh??” Him: My favorite term of endearment as a casual quaker”

Okay I’m sorry but wtf does that even MEAN xD 

Me: “I feel so very confused by you. Goodnight, [name]” Him: “I’m not trying to be confusing, Chloe, I hope it’s not upsetting. Sleep well.

I REPEAT: WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

(If it wasn’t for that fact that I had such a great time with him and found him to be completely adorable, I would have probably given up three times over at this point.)

After this things were normal, and by normal I mean we were talking sporadically and I continued to feel completely confused. But the week of his time off was quickly approaching and he finally asked about getting together, but was still elusive about timing. About 4 days out he made a comment about maybe meeting up Friday or Saturday, or else he was playing with shunning the City and going upstate to a museum he wanted to see... aka not get together... yes you read that right. Needless to say, I was annoyed. Eventually, after no doubt sensing my confusion and frustration, he said he could come down on Friday, spend time with his family who lives in the city, and then we could get together Saturday during the day to grab lunch and hit a museum.

The day finally came to get together - I know, after reading all of this (try living it) it’s hard to believe this was only going to be our second meet up. I had offered to meet at 12 or 1 but he asked if we could meet at 11:30 so we could have more time, which I appreciated. We didn’t really have an end time and I knew this was all he had going on today, so I appreciated that after such a long wait, he really wanted to make sure we had ample time together. 

We met to grab lunch, and yes, he was cute as I remembered. We hugged, I said “Hey so good to see you, thanks for coming to meet up with me.” to which he responded, “of course, you’re the whole reason I’m here!” We grabbed lunch and had a really nice time catching up. Then he mentioned getting a text from his cousin saying she heard he was in the city (she lives in Bushwick) and that she wanted to see him while he was in town. He looked at me and asked how I would feel if his cousin stopped by at some point later in the day to say hi. I wasn’t entirely thrilled by this but I had no idea what to say and was thinking — hey if she swings by later this evenings for a quick hello, whatever, we have all day. So I ambiguously said, “you do whatever you have to do,” to which he responded “well I don’t have to do anything..” and then said he told her what he was busy doing followed by the comment “she may just be crazy enough to drop by.”

It was a weird moment but I moved on from it and hoped any relative would decide against popping in during a date. We finished our lunch, and headed to the Natural History Museum. He wanted to see the butterfly exhibit so we selected a specific time for about an hour and a half later and decided to meander around in the meantime. Lunch was fun, but for some reason, the vibe wasn’t feeling as natural as our first date at that point. He wasn’t asking many questions, I didn’t feel like he was entirely focused, and I was carrying a lot of the conversation. 

We were about 45 minutes into our time at the museum when he said “oh, my cousin just told me she’s on her way.” I was shocked, I honestly hadn’t been expecting her to show, much less that early. About fifteen minutes later he also mentioned his plan to catch the 4:30 train home, meaning he would have to leave our date a little after 3:30 to make his train in time. I had a hard time hiding my additional shock and confusion and asked why so early. He responded and said he had wanted to get home before dark.... (lol what?). He also said that had been his original plan since it is such a long trek home and apologized that he hadn’t told me sooner.

At this point, I was completely frustrated and annoyed. 

Shortly after, in came his bright pink haired 23 year old cousin. And like that, our second date became a family affair.

My mind was blown in this moment, after 3 weeks of waiting, I was on a second date, a date that was already shorter than I anticipated, with a guy who continuously expressed wanting to meet up again, and he let his cousin crash. HE. LET. HIS. COUSIN. CRASH.

She was sweet and excited to see him, and me being me, I didn’t want her to feel weird so now this whole experience becomes either me chatting with her or me floating while they catch up about family drama. Whenever possible he tried to drift off with me and say “I’m so sorry.” Which I appreciate but at the same time, I wasn’t sure why this situation had to happen in the first place, or why the message that at some point she would need to dip wasn’t ever communicated to her. He just kept looking at me apologetically, and as our time ran out, my “it’s okay” expression was clearly faining. It was time for our butterfly exhibit so she WAITED for us. Again, he didn’t tell her that this might be a good time to part, he let her waaaaaait. 

We went through the exhibit, he thanked me for being chill with his cousin and I had zero desire to make the last thirty minutes (soon to be reunited with the cousin) awkward so we chat about other things. After the exhibit it was basically time for him to go, and of course, she walked out with us, literally WALKED ME TO THE TRAIN WITH HIM. Like end of second date, idk when I’ll see him again, and I’m parting ways with him with her... lol.

He hugged me at the train, said “hey this was fun, I’ll let you know if I’m back in town soon.” My mind was screaming: LOL WHAT IS HAPPENING but I just said “yep” and left.

I saw a text a little while later from him, I’ll summarize our conversation from there:

Him: Made it to the train with a minute to spare! Thanks for hanging out and being patient with my cousin today Me: Glad you made it. She was super sweet and I’m happy you were able to see each other. I have to admit I am feeling a little hurt though, I didn’t realize how little time you had until later, after you mentioned her. Him: I know. time flew by. I felt like we lingered more last time, but I liked having lunch with you. I’m sorry I didn’t communicate that clearly. It’s a long trip. I should be home around 6:30.

(Let’s play 90 or Flakey)

Me: Lunch was very nice. I think after such a long wait for a second meet up I just had different expectations. Maybe in general I have different expectations.

And from here, we realized we apparently did have very different expectations.

Him: “I’m used to these gaps of time and always move super slow... for the record I love talking to you and feel like we became instantly close. I guess I’m just used to waits.”

He then explained that although he thinks I’m cute and wants to continue to get to know me, his job keeps him rarely emotionally and physically available, and that for him most relationships grow slowly out of friendship. He said he tends to try to avoid obsessive infatuation (as if that’s what I was advocating for?), and that the way we met (via online dating and at a distance) inhibits the natural process of romance. He said right now he’s not entangling me with romantic expectations for those reasons but would like to still talk and be my friend. 

I’ll be honest, I was pissed and hurt. I had previously been in those exact circumstance and been able to foster significant and long term relationships. And a big part of that came from recognizing that intentionality and obsessiveness are not the same thing — that designating time for someone and putting in the effort when you find someone cool in order to find out if it’s worth it, is simply being intentional. After four years of dating in NYC, the — you’re amazing and I want to keep you in my life to fit you in on my time and keep you on the hook just enough to potentially date you in the future when I’m maybe (no promises) less busy — is tired, and I don’t have the patience (or lack of self-respect) for it anymore.

I ultimately explained that I wasn’t on dating apps to make friends (and felt confused by his purpose for using dating apps if not for dating). The last thing I said to him was that he can reach out to me when he was ready if he wanted, but that I couldn’t make any promises.

He said he wanted to see me again and understood where I was coming from but that he just couldn’t offer more right now. 

(Things I wish would have been communicated much sooner, when there were ample opportunities).

So I left it.

I never did hear from him, although a part of me hoped I would.

I will say, this was one of my more disappointing and confusing experiences. It was hard to know in the process what was happening. When the other person is long distance and has a lot on their plate, I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and he gave me just enough reason to do so. It is also a lot easier to give someone more leeway when you find them to be really attractive. 

But at the end of the day, I’m pretty damn great too. ✌️

As said by the French: C’est la vie.

[tinderthecity]

Is your great idea murdering me???

[tinderthecity]

The Mountaineer

I’m not sure if this blog is a catalog of my dating escapades over the years or a catalog of the most influential dating apps as time goes by, but I guess one thing stays the same, dating apps and I are perpetually on this journey together! (slow clap).

This time, Hinge is the app of choice. A little background information on Hinge, for those of your lucky enough to be unfamiliar with dating app particulars, this one has you provide six pictures as well as the answers to three questions of your choosing from a pool of questions the app provides. You are then asked your age, height, area you live in, and you can also provide some more particulars like school, religious affiliation, if you drink, smoke cigs or pot, do drugs, have children, want children, etc.

Relevant side note: Recently a coworker of mine sent me a link to an article with her subtitle “your kinda guy.” The article was titled “I am a Pacific Northwest Man on Tinder and I will Die if I Go Indoors.” It’s hysterical and exposing the great outdoorsman facade that can become all too trendy on dating apps.

From the article:

“‘Being inside’ is for the weak, the tired, the cold, the hungry, the ‘people with homes,’ the ‘quaints.’ I’m not interested in those who cozy up with Netflix or enjoy going to restaurants or movies. Everything you could possibly need to survive, thrive, and entertain yourself exists in The Great Outdoors. You like sitting down on a comfortable couch? Gross. You like buying groceries in a store? Disgusting. If I am not constantly in some situation under the sun where my life is potentially in danger, I’m not about it. I get off on adrenaline. And nature.”

“My first three profile pics are from epic outdoor activities which showcase a level of fitness you couldn’t even begin to rival. The next three pics are of the exact same thing. The next one is a total thirst trap, which means something different when you’re just dehydrated all the time. The last photo is of a mountain that really gets me fired the fuck up. My face is blurry in each shot because I am Always. In. Motion.”

Lol you get the point (check out the full article for more linked at the bottom, it’s worth it). I died of laughter while also feeling entirely seen. I’m not a dating app girl who falls for the models or the guys on yachts who dress like fancy businessmen or have tons of photos at rooftop bars or are listed as working high-profile jobs. Ask any of my close friends and they’ll tell you that my thirst traps are the guys who seem down to earth (literally) and like to spend time outside, traveling, hiking, etc. 

It was after reading this article that I was able to put my last date into context as to why I was so excited and why it was so terribly bad. 

The Mountaineer liked me on Hinge and I immediately thought he was pretty cute, loved his answer to the question “I’m looking for....” “Someone who is upfront and honest about what they are thinking and feeling,” (swoon) and his pictures, which, you guessed it.. were all outdoors.   

Unfortunately, he lived in Long Island and liked me about a week before Christmas, when I would be going home for about a 10 day span, and afterward he would be gone for a long weekend. We decided we would just chat in the meantime, so we did, everyday. We talked about all sorts of things, but tbh he did talk/ask a lot about hiking haha.

When we could finally meet up after almost three weeks of talking, we decided he would come into the city on a Saturday and we could hit a museum and grab dinner. I chose the Natural History Museum for us to check out because he hadn’t been yet and I know it never disappoints.

The day before our date, the Mountaineer asked me if I’ll be meeting him at his train station. I live in the 150s, the museum is on 79th and his train would be pulling him into 34th. I told him we could meet at the museum since it’s in the middle. He said he didn’t like taking subways alone (interesting, Mr. Adventure) so he would walk from 34th to 79th (about a 45 min walk). Then he realized it was going to rain on Saturday and said he would walk in the rain, to which I told him (trying to be an accommodating Manhattanite) I could just meet him at 34th and take the train with him up to the museum if that’s the case.

The day of comes, it’s a bit rainy outside, as expected, and I get a text from the Mountaineer asking if we should move our date because of the rain (..really?). I basically said no but it’s up to you.

We decide to meet, I go down to 34th street to meet him. I’m running a few minutes late and of course those are the days when train delays hit.

Me: hey I’m on the express but I’m hitting some delays, 😑I’m going to be a little late, sorryyyy

Him: tsk tsk I’m quite disappointed already 😔

Me: 🙃🙃🙃

Him: Oh that’s cute, you think I’m joking

*wow, bold double dig move for not having met yet*

Me: I can just switch to the uptown train at the next stop if you’d rather

Him: haha I’m just messing with you. Would you really?

😇

We meet, he’s def not exactly what I pictured, maybe the 3 inch height difference than he listed had something to do about it or maybe it’s the ten minute first impression of salty remarks that he lead with... He refuses to take the train and has us walk 40 blocks up to the museum in the rain. I quickly realize that the museum and dinner plans we have might be a big mistake.

Once his saltiness simmers down our conversation gets better, and I thought maybe this will actually be a good time.

We get to the museum, and the lines are INSANE, so we decide we’ll go to another one. I give two options that are close by and ask which he’d prefer. I told him I’ve been to both and don’t have a preference to which he says “typical girl not wanting to make a choice” (wow, okay ew) to which I say “that’s actually not true, I chose the first museum..”

He decides on one across the park meaning another 20+ minute walk in the rain. He hops over a half wall into the park and I (not being in the parkour mood) decide I will walk to the entrance pathway about 100 feet away. He pokes fun at me and tells me to have a sense of adventure. I point out that he is wearing outdoor gear head to foot (yes, that is what he wore) and I’m wearing normal not weather proof clothing, not ideal to be jumping into mud. 

As we walk across the park he tells me a bit about himself. like how he doesn’t actually own any casual clothing aside from outdoor gear (okay..), he didn’t vote in the presidential election (a little red flag starts waving in the back of my mind), and he has kept eluding to trust issues of some sort by questioning my own honesty (red flag starts flapping harder).

He asks me a little about myself, and somehow we get on the topic of horrible dates we’ve been on. He doesn’t have much to say, but as this blog will tell you, I could go on for hours. I chose to share what I consider to still be my worst date to this day, last years Valentine’s Day post, Mr. Mindful (or as others know him, Touch-barrier). My biggest red flag of all was telling Mountaineer that story and having him respond with “Oh that’s it?” THAT’S IT!? The guy had a gender stereotype conspiracy theory complex, swore at me via text for turning him down, divulged his dating coaches advice and said he should have broken the touch barrier sooner with me, information I learned all within a 24 hour time span. And yet the Mountaineer was more stuck on my reluctance to say - no I never want to see you again - to that guy face to face on our date, because apparently that was Mountaineer’s touch point for accusing me of dishonesty.

We get to the museum (I know... we haven’t even started the actual date yet). Once inside walking around and looking at art, conversation starts to get normal again (aside from him saying that he likes contemporary art but this wasn’t quite what he meant). By the end of the museum I was like okay, I don’t hate this.

Then comes dinner. 

We choose a Thai restaurant, again on the opposite side of the park. Yelp gives the location 4.5 stars but when we walk up to the door the grade sign says “grade pending” (not uncommon) and he immediately looks for another place to go because I guess that’s unacceptable. After a few minutes of standing in the cold and probably noticing my poorly disguised apathy for this problem he decides we can go there because, like I said, it’s rated well.

The hostess seats us immediately but we’re close to the door and the Mountaineer doesn’t like that so he asks for us to be moved away from the door. We are then seated right behind the hostess stand and as we sit he goes “wow really?” and proceeds to be visibly and audibly upset about it for at least 10 minutes. He rants to me about how going to a restaurant isn’t just about the food but about the experience and how this experience is bs. (Yes, this two dollar sign Thai restaurant we’re going to because we want a quick meal really isn’t hitting my high class needs). I tell him we could take ownership and ask to move but he says no and continues to pout. As we look at the menu I notice the Mountaineer, as a non vegetarian, keeps mentioning tofu dishes and I ask why. He then bestows all of his restaurant wisdom upon me and explains how he rarely eats meat, or even seafood, at restaurants because he doesn’t trust them (here we go with the trust again), and especially not Asian restaurants. He also let me know that if he ever does order a steak, he likes his steak well-done but he orders it medium-rare and has them send it back to the kitchen when it comes out to cook it longer, because if he asks for it well-done he’s certain they’ll give him a crappy piece of meat.

At this point I am on the verge of stabbing myself with the utensils in front of me but instead I order shrimp pad thai to spite him. He doesn’t ask me a single question at dinner and is less than kind to the serving staff (the reddest flag of the red flags), I ask questions to fill the painful void for myself and when he asks if I want to go to Patagonia with him to look at some more outdoor gear he wants for himself I tell him I need to head home to my pup. 

I hugged him, I left, I haven’t spoken to him since and I couldn't be more grateful.

I will admit, I was a little upset when I left, partially because I had been excited about the Mountaineer for two weeks and felt bummed by my off point expectations, but even more so I was upset because I wasted almost an entire Saturday walking in the rain and listening to restaurant conspiracy theories when I could have been at home with my pup.

This date taught me (and hopefully you) two things:  1) You can be into Mountains without being be down to Earth 2) Never plan a multi-layered first date

Happy Love Day Everyone

<3

(For a nice complimentary laugh, here’s the link to that brief article I mentioned earlier that was obviously written about Mountaineer and his brethren.)

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-am-a-pacific-northwest-man-on-tinder-and-i-will-die-if-i-go-indoors

[tinderthecity]

Mr. Mindful

It’s been a while, but I thought it would be fun to post a keeper of a date from a while back, just in time for Valentine’s Day.

I began dating again sometime in October. It’s always helpful to give yourself time to heal after a rough breakup, so naturally I tried to jump back in almost immediately. I didn’t want to go right back into Tinder or Bumble, it felt overwhelming, but luckily social media is really creepy about their advertising and for a while I saw an ad floating around for a dating app called “Meet Mindful,” which is for people who are into mindfulness (they have a dating app for everything now, I know). My thought was - wow, maybe this will help me immediately weed out people who have a fundamentally different understanding of the world than I do.

You’d think at 26 I’d be less naive.

Early on I started talking to Mr. Mindful. After some chatting he asked me to grab dinner at a pizza place that served gluten and dairy free pizza, so naturally I agreed.

As I started walking to the pizza place that Friday, tears started streaming down my face, and then I broke into full out sobs. I pulled myself together by the next block, and then I was back in sobs two blocks later. It was a cycle for about 15 minutes. I texted my girlfriends, I called my mom, I had been really solidly single for a little over a month and I realized I just wasn’t ready.

I told Mr. Mindful the truth, I gave him a little back story to my situation, told him I was crying, and that I didn’t think it was fair for either of us if I went on this date. His response was extremely understanding:

“Hey Chloé, as much as I wish you didn’t cancel on me, I appreciate you letting me know your situation, as I can understand that. I’d be willing to try and meet up again at some point.”

So wonderful. Points for Mr. Mindful. I was extremely relieved and skipped gleefully all the way home.

About a month later I started to feel comfortable with the notion of dating again, I re-opened my Bumble and Tinder accounts, and I was baby stepping towards opening up. Around that same time Mr. Mindful texted me asking if I’d felt comfortable to try and meet up again soon.

I had actually considered reaching out to him myself, after his kind and accepting response the last go around, I was willing to give it a shot.

We decided on the pizza place again, and this time as I walked to our date I didn’t cry once ;D

When I first meet him, I realize pretty immediately that I’m not entirely attracted to him, but that’s ok. I also realize pretty immediately that he is VERY awkward. He has a hard time looking at me when he speaks and instead focuses his attention on shifting around his utensils and swirling around his water.

I know some people can get really nervous on first dates, I also know some people have more awkwardness to them than others, so I never want to make a snap judgment or shut down into discomfort, it’s always my goal to make the situation as chill, casual, and comfortable as possible, so I do my best.  

We small talk and chit chat about life (as he continues to not look at me). He asks me about my job situation, I explain that I was just offered a position at Fordham University, that I plan to get my masters degree while I’m there and hopefully at some point in the future, my Ph.D. because I would love to end up teaching in higher ed.

He then responds by saying “I just don’t like the extreme leftist agenda of higher education.”

…………….ummmmmmm excuse me? if you know me, I don’t think there’s much I need to say about this. But even that aside, what a way to respond to someone’s life trajectory..

Our conversation continues (I preface by saying I kept my tone very calm and cordial to keep that chill first date environment):

Me: Tell me more of what you mean by that Him: I just think our society is trying to engrain natural male behaviors out of us

.....?!?!?!

Me: Like what kind of behaviors? Him: I think men are more naturally aggressive, and we’re told not to be. Like young boys at school on the playground want to rough and tumble and the teachers tell them to stop. I think it just ends up getting pent up and then men do stupid things when they’re older. Me: I understand what you’re saying, but I think it’s more so about time and place. First of all there is a liability when it comes to children being injured at school. Second it’s about teaching kids when and what is appropriate. For example, the little boy I used to nanny, we could tell he wanted a physical outlet so now he is in martial arts where he has that outlet with boundaries, and they teach them things like “we use common sense before self-defense, we never use martial arts to be abusive or aggressive, etc.” I also know quite a few men in my life who have actually said they feel as though masculine expectations have been harmful because it never allowed them to fully express their emotions or feel vulnerability and weakness in a healthy way. Him: Yeah but I mean there also comes a point when you have to toughen up and know you’ll be ok and move on. Me: I think it requires a balance.

At this point I KNOW this isn’t going to work but he seems comfortable with the conclusion we’ve reached. He’s talking to me about how he wants to be a life coach to young guys …….. (still not looking at me)

So in this moment, and even now far removed, my thought is that because Mr. Mindful is a kind of petite, small framed, socially awkward guy, he blames what he perceives to be his “non-hyper-masculine” persona to be the cause of his social unease. Whereas I think he just has some social unease regardless and were he to just own his own self as he is, he would have greater ease no matter the “level” of masculinity. Just my thoughts.

It comes time to pay our bill and he says he’ll get it. I ask if he wants to split and he says “you can get dessert.”

…. oh so we’re not done here.

Not knowing how to back out of this one I say I know a place across town, it’s near the train I know we both have to take to get back home so I figure it’s at least in the right direction. To which he responds - “Do you like to dance?”

I obviously like to dance, but Idk what I’m walking into here so I say - “it depends.”

He says there is a swing dancing place in midtown that he wanted to take me to and he could teach me how to dance.

Ok it’s a Thursday night, it’s already 8, he wants to get dessert AND swing dance downtown, I have work in the morning, and I honestly want this date to be over 5 minutes ago. I tell him I’m having breakfast with some friends in the morning before work (I had a show with them the following night.. close enough) but that we can do dessert and maybe swing dancing can be for another time. He unhappily agrees.

We wait for the cross town bus and he keeps inching closer to me as I inch further away. By the time the bus arrives we’ve moved at least 5 feet from where we started. All the while he guesses my Myers-Briggs on the first shot (ok that was kind of impressive) and I find out that he’s a scorpio (should’ve known.. ;]).

We have our dessert, hop on the train, and as I go to get off at my stop he gets up to get off with me. He lives a good 3+ stops north of me so I’m confused, I also would prefer a guy not know where I live when I hardly know him. He walks me part way home and says - “I don’t like saying goodbye on subways. I had a great time, lets do this again some time”

In order to avoid the potential first kiss I say yeah, hug him, and get the hell out of there.

He texts me the next day. At this point, I think the messages will speak for themselves.

Prepare yourself.

Needless to say, after this exchange I blocked his number.

I was a bit concerned that he may still have access to me via the app, the only hiccup was, in order to block him on the app I had to go to his profile, and this app also tells you when people go to your profile..... a bit of a glitch in the system.

So of course, contact me on the app is exactly what he did.

His apology follows...

I reiterate.. prepare yourself

Him:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me:

I think I can officially say that my first experience back after a year and a half was definitely.... more entertaining to read than to experience first hand!

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone! 

[tinderthecity]

Music Man

Let’s just get something really clear - guys pictures on tinder generally suck, you have to accept the fact that you won’t be able to be certain that you’re attracted to them until you actually meet (which of course is the case for everyone, but straight guys take it to a new level.) Seriously though, tinder’s platform is that you are able to start off with the assumption that you’ve both already decided that you’re physically attracted to each other, but a majority of the time you have to swipe through all of their pictures, read their bio, and decide from there if they lean positive or negative on the “is it worth the risk to find out if they are remotely like the pieced together person I’ve managed to fabricate out of this hodge-podge mix of bad angle, far away, pixelated, partially obstructed, group shot images, and a two sentenced bio”?

Anyway. 

I come across Music Man’s profile.  Oh look, super unclear pictures.  Awesome.  Surprising.  Ok so he plays sax.. he has longish hair and a beard which usually isn’t my thing... but his bio mentions something depthful and then something hilariously sarcastic and he looks like he has a cute face.  Alright.

We match, we chat, we get along super well.  He’s extremely sweet and authentic, not once did he give off a creepy or even mildly threatening vibe, and we touched on a lot of deeper life topics.  

After a few days he asked me out to dinner (a first among all the tinder dates) and I was all about it.  

We decided dinner would be in Upper West Side and that we would meet in Harlem, since it’s in the middle of both of us, and take the train down together.  We meet, the first thing he says is “WOW you’re gorgeous.”  That’s sweet, he’s tall, has a nice face, but I’m not sure if I’m attracted to him.  I’ll give it time and see what happens.  

It was a really great date.  Like really great.  Like best date I had been on since living here great.  And for no really crazy reason in particular, we just got along really well.  We both were down to just spontaneously decide where to go and what to do.  We got on the subway, picked a part of town to get off at, walked and talked for a long time about life, our relationships with our families, our passions (turns out he teaches music), our philosophical ideas of whatever.  He was really cool and we had a lot of common ground.

We grabbed dinner together at a place we stumbled upon (that met BOTH of our non-dairy non-gluten restrictions :D).  After, we walked around Central, chilled, talked talked talked.  It was getting a little later and we had been talking a while so I knew the potential for some sort of “move” was significantly higher, bleh (I’m realizing more and more I’m not about the whole kissing on the first date thing).

Sure enough, as we walk he says - could I hold your hand? - okay yeah, harmless, he’s cool, I’m still uncertain if I’m into him but I’m having a great time.  We stop at one point to look at the lit up skyline above the tree line.  I can feel it coming here.  He says - I really want to kiss you - so I let him kiss me.  At this point I have absolutely no idea how I feel.  Nothing in me is saying yes but nothing in me is saying no.

We walk more and I tell him that when it comes to dating I move very slowly in the physical realm of things and that I’m much more hesitant, even with the little stuff.  He says that’s totally cool and probably for the best.  As we talk more about it he says he’s actually a little nervous because he could see himself falling for me (oh wow) and that he hasn’t felt this way since his last love (oh WOW).  At the same time, I really got along with him, so I thought.. maybe?  

(Also, fun fact, his last love was a songwriter and there are some Colbie Caillat songs written about him via her ;D)

We eventually went separate ways with the intention to see each other again.

A few days later I asked if he wanted to hang out.  We were deciding on what to do and he said - “well, if you want to venture over to my place later I will A. cook you dinner and B. not pressure you to stay and have sex with me”. - lol I couldn’t say no, really it doesn’t get much better than that. 

Date two was another pretty stellar experience.  Even better than date number one.  

As it gets closer to us getting together, it also comes up that it’s my birthday.  We meet, he says he feels so honored to be able to spend my birthday with me and buys a bottle of wine for dinner.  We go to his place have heartfelt conversations with his roommate while drinking wine.  Then Music Man and I climb up onto the roof and finish off our wine looking out at the Manhattan skyline, and again talk about life (like I said, pretty stellar).  He mentions again how he could easily see himself falling for me (Wait.. what’s your last name..? lol).  As much as I’m having a great time, I’m still pretty on the fence here.

We come back down, he cooks us dinner (nom nom), we eat, and then him and his roommate play happy birthday for me on piano and sax :D  His other roommates come home, all so lovely, all musicians.  Out of the blue I’m in the middle of an improv ensemble, one starts playing the drum Music Man hand made, Music Man starts playing his sax along with it, his roommate grabs his trumpet and plays along, the other roommate grabs a shaker, and their friend starts freestyle sing/scatting.  Talk about a VIP birthday performance ;D.

It was getting LATE, and I worked the next day, and trains at that hour back home SUUUUCK.  I looked it up on my subway app and it told me it was going to take an hour and a half to get home... it was currently past midnight... I had to get up at 6:30... Music Man said I could stay there, which I followed with a I think I should go home.  He said it’s just an option but he’ll walk me to the subway whenever I want to go.  

I thought about the fact that it was going to take me forever to get home... and my work was equal distance from his place and my place.  I hesitated, he asked - do you want to stay?  Which I followed with no, I need to brush my teeth and I won’t be able to function without eating before work in the morning.  He then offered to buy me a tooth brush and cook me breakfast (what an offer).  I mean, if you do the math, at this point the odds are tipped against home ;].  With most guys on a second date I would have said no way, with him, he is was sweet and so genuine I felt zero threat.  

I decided to stay, he went out to buy me a tooth brush, he made all of his roommates quiet down, and then went to sleep.  Not much happened, I kissed him a little, and then I passed out.  The next day we woke up, he cooked me breakfast and made me coffee, then walked me to the subway station.  As I left he said - I want to see you soon - I said maybe Monday or the following weekend, and we parted ways.  

Like I said, a couple of awesome first two dates and a pretty baller impromptu birthday.

The days flew, I was distracted, I also came to the conclusion that although I had a great time, I just really was not into Music Man the way I felt he was into me.  He was cool and such a wonderful person but the attraction levels just weren’t there.  After about a week I hadn’t heard from him though, I asked him a question about lessons, he answered, here’s the text thread that follows:

Me: How are you by the way? *no response*

4 days later Me: Did I do something to make you upset? MM: No, not at all! Me: Okay I just wanted to make sure MM: You should probably forget about me though. Me: Yeah? MM: Yeah

Lol wait what....?  What is this, an episode of Degrassi?

Me: Why is that? MM: Dear sweet Chloe.  Does it really matter at this point?  My general absence warrants no curiosity from you. Me: That was a very patronizing response.  My intention was to remain friends because I thought you were a cool and interesting person.  But okay (peace fingers).

So yeah. Apparently “I could see myself falling for you” is code for “you’re never going to see me again.” Lol

Maybe it was the fact that I didn’t sleep with him even though there was “no pressure” or maybe the ex came back into the pictures as ex’s often do.  Who knows.  It all worked out, and in the end I had a pretty baller birthday ;]

[tinderthecity]

[tinderthecity]

Dr. Persistent

This guy’s cute, okay. 28, cool. Surgeon, alright.

Bio: I’m the guy who is perfectly comfortable making the first move; whether it be a romantic kiss on the doorstep or throwing you up against a wall and making out with you HARD... in the rain

Okay that’s ridiculous... you’re trying hard. Most guys bios suck though so whatever.

(note - saying what you think girls want to hear is definitely not what girls want to hear) (second note - just do you).

He messages me, we chat a little, he asks me about a friend situation and how I would handle his dilemma if I were in his situation. I give him my two cents and he responds by saying: aha that makes sense, thank you.. I really like your take on things. Seriously, I noticed you are a kind-hearted person, and you seem fun.. that’s attractive.  I’d rather text you and get to know your better *sends number* send me your number.

That’s when it got weird....

I didn’t send him my number, instead I just texted him

Text: Me: Thank you :] that’s a nice thing to hear. (This is Chloe by the way) Dr P: Chloe.            From? Me: Is this ___? Dr P: Yes ?? Me: It’s Chloe from tinder Dr P: Chloe          How’s tinder? Me: I mean it’s tinder Dr P: True, lets hang out Me: Maybe, I don’t know much about you Dr P: Lets hang out later if you’re free Me: Mmmmm I like to talk to people a bit before I meet them Dr P: Hahaha the point of tinder is to meet people.  Real chemistry occurs in person Me: Yeah but I also don’t have the time or energy to meet every tinder match, tinder is like a filter Dr P: Okay, so why’d you text me? Me: So I could talk to you? Dr P: So lets talk Me: Why New York City? Dr P: Huh?

(........)

Me: Why live in New York City? Dr P: Just moved here Me: Whhhhhhy Dr P: Residency 

(Well I’m officially bored.  Over it.)

Then I hear from him on Tinder the next day

Tinder: Dr P: Are you shy?  I’m about to delete this app, text me *sends number again* I never told you what I found interesting about you btw Me: Lol no I’m not shy, I did text you Dr P: What’s your number Me: I texted you and said “it’s Chloe from tinder, you’re literally tindering me and texting me simultaneously, how you have you not put this together

Then he texts me

Text: Dr P: We should hang out later, it’ll be fun.. what are you up to today? Me: Considering that you haven’t connected that I’m the same person you’re talking to on tinder currently, this seems completely disingenuous.

Tinder: Dr P: I was messing relaxxxx Me: It didn’t really seem like you were messing Dr P: I was. Do you think I’m really that stupid. Are you trying to insult me. Me: I mean.. it was really you who insulted you 

(At this point I’m officially annoyed, at that point you either aren’t using your brain or you’re acting like you’re 12)

Dr P: Okay.  Thanks.  Let me know when you’re free.

Text: Dr P: What’s your facebook by the way Me: Mmmm I don’t like to FB people I haven’t met Dr P: What’s your facebook          Lets hang out sometime soon Me: Lol I don’t think I can do this, I’m getting perpetually frustrated and annoyed. Dr P: Chloe          Lets hang out later          Hows tonight?      *6 hours later*          So lets finally meet up or did you just want to text only and be pen pals? Me: I don’t think either is a good idea. I think we’re better just going our separate ways Dr P: Why Me: Because I just get frustrated and annoyed with our conversation Dr P: Sorry          How can I make it up to you          So when are you free to hang out Me: I would appreciate if you would respect my decision, which is no, I do not want to. Dr P: why          Chloe

    *one day later* Dr P: Chloe          LOL

    *one day later* Dr P: ok

     *two days later* Dr P: Hey sorry I had to be on call last night and had back to back surgeries... free today at all?

      *8 hours later* Dr P: So what’s on your agenda this week?  I’m super busy, but I have a few days open.

      *one day later* Dr P: So what are you up to tonight?

      *6 hours later* Dr P: ?

Lol welcome back to tinder.

[tinderthecity]

Time Will Heal

With heart break “time will heal” is a phrase you won’t understand until you actually experience it. It is bitterly ironic that it takes time to understand and to believe that time will in fact heal.

And it’s in a very unexpected way at that.

Time doesn’t heal by making you forget, or by making you not care, or by even making the heartache go away when you hear their name.

Time heals because it shows you that even with the heartache, you’re okay.  

That persons face make still make your heart skip a beat.  Smelling their cologne/perfume may stop you in your tracks.  And visiting a place you shared may bring tears to your eyes.

But time shows you that you have room in your heart for that ache and for love.  Whether it be love for another person, love for family and friends, love for your passions, a general love of life, or love and best wishes for that very same person.  

Time doesn’t necessarily heal the space in your heart, but it does heal the belief that you can’t survive or be happy or love because of that space in your heart.  

That space may still be there, but time shows you that that space is beautiful and raw and tender, and okay.

[tinderthecity]

all dem fuckboys 

[tinderthecity]

[tinderthecity]

Lol the "choose the lesser of the two evils" approach. Always forgetting the counter "or I don't bother and we just go our separate ways right now" option. Gotta appreciate the honesty though haha. Okcupid submit from a friend

[tinderthecity]

The English Guy

My other tinder-swiping friends and I have all agreed - accents up the ante.  

If you’re ever in the middle about someone, wavering and not sure which way to swipe, seeing that they have a hot accent will almost always push the swipe in their favor. 

I came across this guy.  Pictures - Yes.  Bio - Yes.  From England - YES.  No waver, all yes and double yes ;D  But there’s a catch, he disclaimes that he’ll only in New York for a little over a month.  

Watch, my luck, I’ll actually like this guy.  Eh what the hell.

We start chatting, I find out he’s here for biomed research as a postdoc (phd.. HOT).  We talk about some of our favorite things to do in the city, he mentions speakeasy type bars and offers to take me once I say I’ve never been but always wanted to.

We make plans to meet in East Village, and OF COURSE public transit hates me and closes the important subways and the buses are moving at a glacial pace (I got off and walked faster) so I end up late.  He’s chill, it all works out, we meet up, yeeeeeees he’s still attractive and mmm that accent ;D

Attempt 1, we go through this hole in the wall sandwich shop and to the left is a telephone booth you have to go through to get to the bar, it’s a 3 hour wait... Attempt 2, we go to an unmarked bar with huge wooden doors, zero windows, and a mysterious guy chilling outside.  English Guy approaches him and asks if this is the right place, the guy nods, talks to another guy, he says he’ll bring us in shortly when a spot is available.

I felt badass.  Kind of like I did in high school when my friends would sneak through my window to hang out. (Only to get a text from mom upstairs “Tell Nate Ryan and Garret”) bad.ass. 

It was a cool, cozy, dark bar.  Very speakeasy-esque.  We were there a couple hours, chatted, joked, talked about our lives and passions, exchanged tattoo explanations.  He told me this was the first non-work related intellectual conversation he’s had in New York and I took that as a pretty great compliment.  

We left and headed to the subway and he kissed me goodnight.

Alright he was cool, I liked him, but now I get nervous when guys kiss me quickly lol soooo we’ll see.

He asked me out again right after.  We actually went out a few more times.  The second time to see some live jazz at a couple different venues (with a guy who played a CONCH SHELL), after we grabbed late night tea and I did my best British accent impression.  The third time we went to brunch at an English Cafe which was adorable and delicious, he had great suggestions.  We finished breakfast with dessert (sticky figgy pudding oh my yum try it).  English people win.  

At one point early on my roommate and I were talking about the whole situation.  I explained his temporary stay and she voiced the same thought I had in the back of my head - girl, he’s gunna wanna get it before he leaves.

I didn’t necessarily get that vibe from him, but then again there were other people I didn’t necessarily get that vibe from lol.  I liked him but I knew that wouldn’t be where I was going.  At one point in conversation with English guy I made it clear that I don’t casually sleep with people, which opened up a whole conversation about how both of us understand that we were both keeping this chill and that, for Europeans, kissing someone is just kissing someone and doesn’t imply that because you’ve gone an inch you’re willing to go a mile, or that the other person would expect that.  Wooooah concept.

I thought back to another European guy I had mildly had a thing with at one point, and how I had set pretty stringent boundaries with him and he 100% respected them without ever trying to manipulate or push past them.

Mmm being respected, another notch on the hotness scale for European guys ;]

The fourth and final time, we chilled in Central Park during a work break of his.  We walked around and chatted, and then parted ways. 

He’s gone now, we both said we would’ve given things a shot had circumstances been different, but it was cool while it lasted.  Maybe we’ll keep in touch here and there but it was what it was and life takes you where it will.  

So nothing hysterically ridiculous to report this time, just spreading a little bit of tinder-hope to the world ;]

[tinderthecity]

When your tinder matches are almost as cool as your friends

[tinderthecity]

Gentlemanly.

He asks where I practice yoga, which isn’t a good enough reason to talk to someone who opens like he did, but I was curious as to what a guy with yoga pictures and a crude opener had to say about yoga.

I mentioned a studio but didn’t say anything about my background beyond that, then it was an all out Yogi Battle xD

Me: I practice at _ studio.  You? Yoga Bro: I don’t really go anywhere, I don’t think there are many suitable teachers around.

(Considering that New York City is probably one of the most saturated markets of yoga teachers in the country, that’s quite a statement)

Me: So better not to practice at all? YB: I do practice, I practice daily.  But I don’t practice unsafe poses. Me: Where did you establish your practice if you haven’t found suitable teachers? YB: *lists people* Me: Are they from a particular school or did you just happen upon them? YB: I do my research to be honest Me: What does that mean? YB: Don’t take this personally but you don’t know what you’re doing in your body in downdog, or in any pose for that matter.

(Lol what an assumption)

Me: Lol okay, well I’m actually a trained teacher YB: So am I.  You only have your 200 hour?   Me: Yes, focused on anatomy, sequencing, philosophy, history, and subtle body.  But really it’s not about the number of hours you’ve gone through training, it’s about the ability to let go of your ego, which is where your area of work lies my friend. YB: Yoga Alliance only requires 200 hour trainees to have about 15 hours of anatomy and 99% of teachers don’t know what’s anatomically happening in a pose.  Do you teach shoulder stand? Me: No YB: Why not? Me: Because most people can’t do it safely without props, I would really only feel comfortable teaching it in a more one on one setting with blankets, a strap and a wall, after adequately warming people up for it first, if I were to teach it. YB *ignores everything I just said* : Yoga asana is a relatively new thing, everyone thinks it’s this ancient 5000 year old practice when it really only came around within the last 90 years and when it was created there wasn’t a ton of knowledge about what the poses were doing to people anatomically, there are a lot of poses that are straight up dangerous for people in western culture to even attempt. Me: I do know this YB: Poses like shoulderstand, tripod headstand, and that new flip dog/wild thing pose. Me: I actually have conversations about this all the time YB: You’re taking it all personally *blah blah blah* this isn’t about my ego *deletes me*

So that went well xD

It was so weird, it was like he prepped his soap box before he even attempted to know his audience.  Knowing that I was into yoga wasn’t an opportunity to related and connect, at least not from his perspective, it was an opportunity to explain why he knew better and why I was inferior.  I understand that struggle of feeling like there is a lot of yoga that’s being taught that’s not safe or helpful or really yoga at its heart, there is a lot of dangerous instruction that feeds peoples habits of harm rather than helps people to break out of them and ultimately grow.  But I’m also not the keeper of yoga nor have I maxed out my understanding, I still have a lot to learn, even from those whose style and approach is completely different from mine.  It is not my job or place to condemn people for doing or understanding things differently from me.  If someone wants to have a conversation about why I teach or practice the way I do or how I understand the purpose and function of yoga, I will gladly have an open conversation about it, but never to impose judgment on anyone else.  Who am I?  

It was an extremely assuming and condescending conversation with yoga bro and was an attempt on his end at belittling rather than empowering.  There was no search for common ground.

But he was entirely uninterested in commonality, and I could fully recognize that I had absolutely nothing to prove to this guy.  I know how I practice and I know how I teach and I know in my heart that nothing needed to be protected or defended.  And I mean, with an opening line like his I wasn’t about to take anything he said too seriously, what could I really expect lol.  Of course I couldn’t help but be a little snarky.. ;]

I remember I used to tell my friends that whoever I was with in the future needed to be into yoga.  Now I really don’t care if they’re into yoga or not, like I’ve said before, above all else I’d rather they be kind.

[tinderthecity]

#preach

“I’ve been trying an online dating site, but haven’t had much luck. I met a doctor on there recently, and he seemed pretty normal, so I thought that it might finally be working for me. Then the night before our first date, he called me drunk and started saying some weird sexual stuff.”

[tinderthecity]

Yeeeeeees. #winning

I want to go swimming!