tinyraindropxx

[tinyraindropxx]

Growing up with you has been the best adventure I could’ve ever imagined.👩‍👦🍀

[tinyraindropxx]

Thank you for loving me. Every second that I get to have with you feels special. I’m so happy that I get to spend the rest of my life by your side. Mama loves you endlessly, stinky man! 👩‍👦

[tinyraindropxx]

I cannot believe you’re already 4! So much of the love and light I’ve seen in my life since I found out I was going to be your mama have been because of you. You’re a beautiful little human and this world is so so SO lucky to have you. 💙❤️

[tinyraindropxx]

This past month and a half has been a lot of fun for Jaeden and I. I’m really loving how our life is looking right now. I’ve been quietly watching my son grow as a little individual, into a friend, and progress even further intellectually amongst his tiny peers! Also, now he has his first pets to take care of which is going so well! My responsible bean is enjoying life so much! 🐠💛

[tinyraindropxx]

My little dude is going to go back to daycare next week now that he’s vaccinated (he’s still too young for prek, sadly). I’ve spent the last 2+ years putting my everything into helping him grow and learn and thrive to the best of my ability as his mama. Despite the less than ideal circumstances of our being trapped in our COVID bubble since March 2020, it’s honestly gone beautifully. At 3, he’s spelling simple words (see above), knows his ABCs and their corresponding phonics sounds, can name all the planets and identify them by sight, he can count to 20, he knows all of the basic colors plus a few others. He’s just the best sponge I could’ve asked for. I see a lot of myself in him.

I know this next step will be good for both of us, but it’s been really hard for me lately. Knowing we will have to make such a major adjustment together (me going back to work, him returning to daycare) has me extremely anxious. The time that I’ve had with Jaeden in our little COVID bubble has been really important in allowing our relationship to heal from my lack of being there for him emotionally, mentally, and physically during that time period of around 8 months where I was healing from my MS relapse. I finally feel like a real mom and I fear I’ll be losing that time and our bond will suffer.

[tinyraindropxx]

We stan Blippi in this house! 😤🤣 💙🧡

[tinyraindropxx]

The most beautiful part of my life is you, bean. 👩‍👦💚

[tinyraindropxx]

𝙿𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎, 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 '𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 -

𝚑𝚎’𝚜 𝚊 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚖-𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚘'𝚕𝚕 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚍!

𝙿𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎, 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 '𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 -

𝚑𝚎'𝚜 𝚊 𝚘𝚗𝚎-𝚋𝚘𝚢, 𝚌𝚞𝚍𝚍𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚘𝚢,

𝚖𝚢 𝚞𝚙, 𝚖𝚢 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗, 𝚖𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚓𝚘𝚢! 👩‍👦💛💙

[tinyraindropxx]

My perfect bean… born to be a swiftie like his mama. 🥲♥️

[tinyraindropxx]

I love you so much, my Chapped Lip King.

You’re so smart. Every single day I see you do something new that makes me stop and think “damn, I really AM doing this right after all!”

You’ve tackled your ABCs, counting 1-10, learning shapes and learning your colors with ease… potty training is still very wobbly but it’s coming along slowly. Soon enough you’ll be in Pre-K, making friends, running free, and living your best life (and, being honest, getting in trouble for how hyper you are at all times).

I can’t wait to stand beside you to see it all in real time and watch you grow and learn even more. I love you to the moon and back a million times over, Monkey Man! 🥺

[tinyraindropxx]

July 2nd, 2021 (10:11 am).

Damn, dude. You’re so big.

Every day you’re more hilarious and stubborn than the last. You’re a wild child with so much personality, energy, and life inside of you.

I stand by why I have said a million times: being your mama makes me a better person. Nothing and no one could ever occupy the space in my heart and mind that you do. You’re truly the love of my life.

[tinyraindropxx]

October 9th, 2020 (5:21pm).

I can’t believe you’re already 2, my dude. I’ve given you at least a thousand kisses and a thousand snuggles. I’ve said “I love you” thousands of times. You’re my handsome, sweet, independent boy. Strong and smart. Literally the most hilarious human being that I’ve ever met in my life. A true wise-ass without even being able to say any real words. King of the sass. The love of my life.

I’m so happy I get to be your mama.

I can’t wait to see how much you (and I) grow in the next year. We’re in this thing together, bean head. I love you to the moon and back. 💙💚

[tinyraindropxx]

July 8th, 2020 (5:23pm).

We have been quarrentining for 113 days, now. It’s been difficult to say the least. I am trying my hardest to always keep you engaged and learning. To keep you active and busy. It’s hard for me to be home 24/7 with a full blown toddler, unable to get even a quick breather. But I love you and I will continue to do anything and everything I can for you. My silly prince.

[tinyraindropxx]

On June 26th, 2019 I was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with quick onset tumefactive multiple sclerosis.

I have several moderate sized tumors in multiple areas of my brain that are ultimately affecting how motor and thought signals are sent/received by my brain stem. It’s a form of brain atrophy.

It started with me being dizzy and very off balance. I kept randomly falling a few times a day for about a month before it got to a point where I needed to head to the emergency room. The determinant deciding factor was when I had accidentally fallen while holding Jaeden.... I dropped him. He was terrified and I was/am so sorrowful.

By that time, I had just about lost my ability to walk and my information processing had slowed down tremendously (I couldn’t make sense of anything, my words were all jumbled up -making me forget common words and phrases, and my short term memory was non-existent). I was severely confused and I could not think independently, basically.

I had to take several panels of tests (blood, MRI, H-MRS, CAT, EEG, and a spinal tap to measure and test the fluid found in my brain stem).

I was given my diagnosis after about 2 weeks in the hospital, and was intravenously administered high dose immunosupressant steroids throughout the course of a week long period, twice daily, for 2 hour sessions. They made me violently ill. Finally they released me with a prescription for 8 weeks worth of lower dose immunosuppressant steroids to keep my inflammation at bay, but they also had a lot of adverse long term effects on my body.

If I had not gone to the hospital when I did, I could have had a stroke. That’s terrifying. My biggest regret in life is not having gone to the doctor or hospital as soon as I felt something was off. Instead, it just got worse and worse, and now I’m living with the long term repercussions.

My vision has changed drastically. I suffer from constant fatigue. I developed a very severe stutter in the matter of 2 weeks and had to do weeks of speech therapy to help. I still suffer from reoccurring vertigo. I have regular and long lasting migraines. My hearing has really deteriorated in the last year. I had to learn how to walk and use my hands all over again. My cognitive-self has really changed, as now it is difficult for me to compute information and problem solve. I still have a horrible short term memory. I missed out on interacting with my son for months.

I am so regretful. My heart still aches every day... I still feel like an inadequate parent from that single instance in time.... For those months spent healing that I missed with my sweet dude. My life permanently changed in the matter of a month.

It’s been months and this is the first in depth account that I have ever made on the situation. It weighs heavy on my heart every minute of every day.

I am terrified of growing older, as I am well aware of how this diagnosis will continue to affect me and my family throughout the course of my life. I hope that I will have a good support system for the rest of my life, as I am truly afraid that I will be unable to cope with the long term effects of my disease alone.

[tinyraindropxx]

4/10/20

You are the coolest dude I know. I love you so damn much even though you bully me. Lol. Nothing and no one can ever compare to you, my bubble. Not even close. My big, boujee, potty toilet training, soft pillow aficionado boy - you are my #1 always and forever.

💙💙💙

[tinyraindropxx]

The past couple of months have been great. Watching you grow up is my favorite part of my life. I’m so glad that I get to be ✨YOUR✨ mama. I love you to the moon and back. Every day it just gets stronger 💙

[tinyraindropxx]

Sunday December 8th, 2019 (12:3am).

This was your first haircut..... that was already over two months ago. Where is the time going?! Sheesh! 🥺