tired-gage - Tumblr blog

[tired-gage]

The Tower was hot. For some reason, it was significantly warmer than Six, even though brown outs were common there and the air conditioning the Capitol enjoyed didn't exist. Perhaps the extreme cold of the Arena had reset Gage somehow, so that any heat felt extreme in comparison. She wasn't sure, but she was sure she was sweating, and was quite annoyed by that after her trek down the stairs. Huffing and puffing was one thing, but adding sweating to that felt humiliating.

She forgot all that when she saw Linden barreling toward her. She grinned. Oh my sn-tars indeed. The girl was fired up, and Gage wondered at that. That anyone could be so happy to see her - Wiley being an exception - was surprising. But she'd so enjoyed teaching Linden, and it was a happy surprise. "It's wonderful to see you too," she said. "How are you? How is your daughter?"

@tired-gage

Living in the tower was strange, when there was no games. Whenever Ellie woke up murmuring about dreams of lee or fawn or alder or linden in an arena, she could assure her child that it wouldn't happen. However, they also couldn't go home. Every day, Linden tried to find new things to do, and every day, she realized there truly wasn't much.

So she'd taken to regular walks around the tower, once every day. Today, she'd left Ellie with her auntie Fawn, and the quiet was nice. she waved, sending awkward smiles at the vox she passed. they nodded to her. D7 was trusted, and that was nice too. until she caught sight of a familiar face, and she could've screamed. gage royce. She'd been so worried about Alder, she hadn't thought to ask who else had survived. she knew it was a few. "hi!" she gushed, running up and debating throwing her arms around the teacher who she'd spent so much time with before the arena. "You're alive! that's so good to hear, oh my sn- stars. oh my stars. good to see you!"

[tired-gage]

Gage watched Cat, not quite sure what to say. She was right - it had been a minute since Cat was one of her kids, though that didn't matter to Gage. But she wasn't here to push Cat, if Cat didn't want to talk, so she simply replied, "I'm doing this because I wanted to see how you were." She shrugged. She didn't hold Cat responsible for Wiley getting into trouble in the Arena - that had been Mahlon McCreary who had stabbed her. Anyone could survive a black eye, and from what Wiley had said, the black eye was provoked. Being angry didn't make someone a bad person.

"What's really going on with you?" Gage asked, finally. She didn't want to, but if Cat truly didn't have anyone, someone had to, and it may as well be her. "If you're Vox, if you've fought for this, you should be out there celebrating. Or at the very least happier than you are now." Even with Holland in jail, Cat would have still won a kind of victory with the Vox. Her feelings would be conflicted, not...whatever they were right now. Gage was having a hard time making sense of it.

Cat's brow furrowed, focusing on the words out of Gage's mouth. Something ignited, slowly at first tightening in Cat's chest and she felt her face fall. She was caught, like a little bug in a spider's web, this time she couldn't do her favorite pastime of running away simply because there was nowhere left to run. There was almost zero chance she could get out of the Capitol. Zero chance she'd survive out on the streets right now.

"Why're you doin' this?" Cat asked, her eyes drooped downcast, to the floor not wanting to look at Gage. Cat was evil, Cat was worthless, Cat was bad. "Like – it's not the district it's the people I – " She hissed a curse under her breath and then continued, "Look, it's been a minute since I was one of your kids and I ain't exactly been a saint – I'm the one who fucked up Wiley 'fore she went in the arena, not lettin' her die was just makin' it even." Cat finally chanced a glance up at Gage, lips pursed, "I dunno if I'm provin' anyone right or wrong here."

[tired-gage]

Gage watched Wiley fall asleep with a smile on her face. It was such a stark contrast from the last time she'd seen her with her eyes closed, passed out in the truck on the way out of the Arena. Gage had had to keep checking for her pulse, then. Now a monitor showed it - strong, safe, and sound. After a few moments, Gage got up off the bed, and pulled a blanket over Wiley before ducking out the door. She'd get to see her later, and tomorrow, and after that. Gage wasn't sure what to call herself in relation to Wiley now, but whatever she was, she thought she must surely be the luckiest one alive.

That made her smile. The idea that Carly would've liked her too. that mattered, because Carly would definitely be part of whatever decision to keep her around Gage was making. if Carly was still around. Wiley wished she could be, that she could earn her friendship too.

"The median." She repeated, yawning. she hadn't even realized how much the conversation had tired her out, but her eyes were weighing themselves down. "Don't go. I'm not tired, I just... it's the stupid... I need to close my eyes. You can stay, I still wanna talk." but when she closed her eyes again, and let them rest for a few seconds, before she could really register much else, Wiley had fallen asleep, snoring softly.

[tired-gage]

Six solidarity, y'know? No, Gage didn't. Their district didn't have any kind of special bond, some sense of district nationality. They were sardines packed together and shipped off to factories, save the richer families who lived in lush woodlands who were resented by everyone else. Six was a district where everyone was out for themselves. It always had been, and Gage had always tried to fight it.

But Gage had just survived an Arena, or half of one, and she came here to help Cat, not to be placated by her.

She could pretend she bought it, of course, but that wouldn't make her a very good teacher. All Gage wanted was to be a good teacher for her students, to fight for them, no matter whether or not they graduated. Gage hadn't gotten to keep a lot in life, but she'd gotten to keep being a teacher.

"You didn't help us because you're loyal to the district," Gage said. "Especially not if you're out there running around with the Vox. You might not believe in you, but you're proving yourself wrong."

I think you're a good person, Cat.

Cat who had betrayed the little boy from Six just so she could win.

I think you're a good person, Cat.

Cat who'd killed with no remorse in the arena, because she couldn't stop her hands from moving the knife until she was sure she was safe.

I think you're a good person, Cat.

Cat who'd left Sawyer to rot in the arena because she couldn't be bothered to get off her ass to help her, to save her.

I think you're a good person, Cat.

Cat who'd lied to Mahlon, no matter how good her intentions were again and again and again.

I think you're a good person, Cat.

Cat who'd killed in the name of a revolution she didn't even believe in anymore, to save the people she loved who were all scattered to the wind. Nano missing, probably dead, Holland hauled away, Mahlon who couldn't remember a damn fuckin' thing. She didn't believe because they didn't see the grey area in anything. Because Cacus and her people were too district to realize no one had a choice when they were owned by the Capitol.

I think you're a good person, Cat.

Cat cracked something of a smile, trying to meet Gage where she was, maybe the teacher was a little too supportive for her own good. "I don't think so," She managed, "Glad I could help you two, though – you guys deserve it. I – Six solidarity, y'know?"

[tired-gage]

Gage wondered at that. She hadn't remembered talking about Carly that much, but it made sense. She'd loved that woman so dearly. She smiled at the thought of her. "She was the very best," Gage said. "And she would have loved you, my dear. Truly."

"The median, that's right," she agreed with a smile. It was nice to know something Gage had taught had remained. Part of the reason most children didn't make it to eighth grade is that the information she taught wasn't always considered necessary. People claimed they didn't use it. People were wrong. "I think so," she said to Wiley's next question. "I can't be certain, but as far as I can tell." She put an arm around Wiley and gave her a squeeze. "I'm glad it's us too," she said. She was glad to be here. And moreso, she was glad to be here with Wiley.

"Even if I hadn't, you were always talking about her. You haven't since we got reaped." Not at any point of this, during her interview even, had she mentioned her loving girl at home. Of course Wiley had picked up on that. "I'm really sorry. she was nice."

"plus, we're in the middle. We're the average of all the districts. no, wait, median, right?" There was part of her that would always seek to impress gage with knowledge that had stuck around like that. it was important. Gage's teaching was important. "We're the only district partners?" she asked, looking at Ms Royce, an expression of pure appreciation on her face. "I'm so glad we made it. I can't imagine... it's us. I'm glad it was us."

[tired-gage]

Ah, so Cat was part of the Vox. It was news to Gage, but it didn't surprise her. She was a strong student, when Gage had taught her. Always one to stand out from the crowd, even if it hurt her to do so. It had seemed to Gage that she didn't know how to be any other way. It made sense that she wouldn't be toeing the Capitol's company line. Gage wasn't certain how that would work with a Gamemaker girlfriend, but she didn't mention it, since Cat didn't. Perhaps that was part of the not having shit to show for it.

"I think you're a good person, Cat," Gage said. "You care, more than you let people think you do. It's why you sent the needle and thread. You changed my life, and Wiley's. So that's two things to show for it right there." Gage put a hand on Cat's arm, and offered her a smile.

Cat hesitated, her entire body tensing under the touch to her body. She didn't know how to handle it,, she tried to ignore the part of her body that wanted to shoulder off Gage, to push her away, to tell her to leave her alone. Suddenly, though, Cat was twelve again, hiding behind Ms. Royce's desk, weeping about bullies who wouldn't leave her alone, who wouldn't keep her parents' names out of their mouths, because even the dead didn't deserve respect from the cruelty of children.

"Everythin'," Cat said, the corners of her lips downturned. She moved to chew on her bottom lip and she shrugged, "S'hard to feel like you're bein' a good person – all this shit with the Vox I did t' try to change things and...I dunno if I like how things are changin' right now 'cause I ain't got shit to show for it."

[tired-gage]

If Gage hadn't been sitting, she would have stumbled at that, at Wiley's mention of Carly. "I'd forgotten you met her," she said, softly, a small smile on her face. For all Six was a large district, their neighborhood was packed together like sardines. Eventually, you run into one another outside of class. Carly was always so excited to meet Gage's students. The way she was immediately willing to engage with even the students Gage complained about the most was one of the things Gage had loved so much about her. "There was a factory accident," Gage told Wiley. "It was years ago, now." It was years ago, but it still hurt a little bit, every day.

"All of us together? The house would be its own sort of Arena," Gage said with a chuckle. "Except instead of trying to kill each other, we'd be fighting over chores." She thought about it for a second. "I bet they'd put it in District Six. I think we're the only set of district partners to make it out, so we have majority."

Neptune was dead. All she could see when she closed her eyes, thinking about that, was the two of them stammering that they weren't dating. She liked neptune. if anyone who lived long enough got to survive this arena, it was a damn shame neptune hadn't been among them. The tear on her cheek surprised her, but also, it didn't. When they all could've survived, every dead tribute was twice the trajedy. "I'm sorry." she offered, suddenly, another thought popping into her head. "Something happened to Miss Carly, didn't it?" she hadn't been told explicitly, but she could tell. by the way gage hadn't mentioned her once the whole time, not even when Wiley had jokingly implied she was seeing neptune. Carly must not be in the picture anymore, which was a shame. Gage had been so in love.

"Maybe they'll take all of us and put us in one big victory house. the whole gaggle." That thought made her smile, even though she didn't know the specifics of who had won. was it even called winning? "Then it won't feel so big. I wonder what district they'd put it in."

[tired-gage]

"There were a whole gaggle of us who survived," Gage told her, then. "But there were fatalities, too. Neptune, of our alliance, didn't make it out." Their alliance had been small, and temporary, but Gage still felt like she owed it to Wiley to tell her, if she didn't already know. She wasn't sure whether or not to mention that Mahlon had survived, however. "And of course I'd be happy to talk with you," she added.

Gage laughed at Wiley's reaction. "The rebels wouldn't know what hit them if they met me out there. I have forty five years of pent up rage just waiting to be unleashed." She wasn't even certain that the rebellion would hold. Part of her thought they might be thrown back into the Arena tomorrow, the Capitol invading overnight just as the Vox had done, and taking back their city. But the rage was true, and it made Wiley smile. "I bet even with two of us those things would still feel vast and empty."

"No." She answered, shrugging. "Seen you." and only just now. "It's been a lot of doctors. They say I can start walking around tomorrow. Do you want to go on a walk with me? I'm really excited to get out of the room." For now, it was a lot of sitting around, making puzzles that had been found and brought for her. Turns out, Wiley didn't particularly like puzzles. but it was better than nothing.

She snickered, impressed by the idea of gage doing something so bold. "The rebels around here would love that. I'm making a lot of friends shit talking the capitol. turns out the nurses are cool." She smiled at the idea of watching Gage go full arson. It would be supremely cool of her. "You could stay at my place. if you did that."1

[tired-gage]

Gage stilled at the admission, and then nodded. That was why she was here, after all. She reached out and put a soft hand on Cat's shoulder, carefully, for fear that Cat would pull away, shut down, just like Gage had after she'd lost the woman she loved. Then again, there was so much right now. It wouldn't just be the loss that was hurting Cat. Gage had been lucky in that respect when she'd been grieving.

"Is it Holland, or rather the all of it?" Gage asked. Which was making her feel worse right now? Which would she let Gage in about?

"Good, good, good," Cat nodded and a slow breath fell from her lips, she didn't have more blood on her hands. Not that she'd been the one to stab Wiley. It all felt like it circled back to her failure, to not doing enough beforehand to help Wiley. For blackening her eye when she should've just ignored the anger seeping out of her because Cat knew, knew Wiley's anger was fear – injustice.

Cat felt her spine straighten and stiffen further, almost to the point where she felt like she couldn't move. A well of something hit her in the gut and spiked out into every extremity; it was sharp and it made her struggle to breathe. She inhaled, another slow shaky movement of air. The feeling didn't cease and instead rooted her to her position and finally, she slumped, shoulders dropped, head hung low.

"No," Cat mumbled, forcing back the lump in her throat – because no one had asked, because everyone was afraid and angry and – fucking whatever else, no one had checked in.

[tired-gage]

Thanks to you, I won't be for a bit. Gage considered that. She'd succeeded in her mission, to get Wiley out of the Arena. And yet, she herself was still alive. She wasn't entirely sure what to do with the reprieve she'd so unexpectedly been given. "Have you seen anyone else?" she asked, then. "Any of the other tributes?" There had been a good handful of them that had been saved. Not all of them. Not Neptune, who had so unexpectedly been her ally, and whose presence had made Gage feel safe enough to sleep that first night.

Gage kept her smile in place while Wiley spoke, never dropping it. She hadn't been asking for Wiley to say yes in an instant, hadn't expected it. It was a big decision, and it filled Gage with warmth that Wiley would consider it. "If the Capitol gives us victory houses, I might burn mine down, have my own little rebellion," she admitted with a laugh, though frankly, she wasn't sure there would be a Capitol left to give out anything.

Wiley considered arguing further, jokingly offering one last retort. "I can sleep when I'm dead. which, thanks to you, won't be for a bit." she snickered, but let it go. She didn't want to fight. she liked being in the same room, on the same page. maybe she was just feeling fuzzy because of all the medicine in her bloodstream, but she just really loved having Gage nearby. didn't want to do anything to fuck that one up.

she sobered, and the offer still hit Wiley out of left feild. It shook her, somewhere in her core, near that fuzzy feeling. Staying with her. like, to live. like, permanently? Not just allies for a games, not just friends bonded through whatever had just happened who might meet up sometimes. but roommates. tangled up in each other's lives.

"I... um..." Wiley panicked, suddenly. There had never been a person in her life who had wanted to live with her a second more than they had to. There had to be a reason. Whatever it was, would it drive Ms Royce away too? once she figured it out? "I need to think about it. I don't know. I've... maybe the capitol is going to give us victory houses. I'd hate to leave mine empty. You know."

[tired-gage]

Gage chuckled, looking at Wiley's hand, then covering it with her own and giving it a squeeze. "You're going to need rest," she said. "And privacy, likely, so they can check you over." Gage wasn't Wiley's mother, for all that she cared for the girl like she imagined she would a child of her own.

She looked at Wiley then, serious. "I'd like you to consider staying with me," she said. "Doesn't have to be my apartment - we could find somewhere new. I just....want you to think about it, if you'd like." There wasn't a word to describe what Wiley and Gage were to each other, the love they'd forged over the past two weeks. But there was that love, and Gage found that she needed it, that she couldn't imagine not seeing this girl every day and making sure she was alright, and safe, and happy.

Wiley nodded, grabbing gage's shirt with a hand. just keeping her there, not letting her go. not yet. "Fuck the doctors. they can work around you, you're small." They'd get over themselves about it. she'd already had the surgery, as far as she knew.

Gage pulled away, and Wiley had to let her, a little too weak in her movements to really fight to keep the hug. She laid back, looking up at Gage. "What is it?" she asked. "I don't think I could redo eighth grade so I can graduate." There wasn't honestly anything else that ms Royce would ask her.

[tired-gage]

The right thing to do. Had that been the reason? Gage wasn't sure. It mustn't have seemed to Cat like the right thing to do until it was almost too late, certainly. But it wasn't too late. Cat did save Wiley, in the end. So Gage nodded, and said, "She's alright. Still recovering, but they should let her leave the hospital room in a couple of days."

Something seemed off, though. The way Cat was holding herself was stiff, feigned in a way that didn't quite match the words she said, but wasn't quite a lie - Gage was familiar with the body language, having seen many a student cover up a hurt of some form or another. Or perhaps it was just confirmation bias. "Are you alright?" Gage asked, calmly and without judgement, though she had shown up here in the first place already anticipating the answer.

Cat wanted out of this stupid tower, away from these fucking people. It almost radiated off her, shoulders squared, ready to attack, breath heavy. She hadn't calmed down because why would Cat want to calm down? It didn't seem like that would fix anything, especially when it hadn't before. She wore it on her like a badge, venom ready to seep from her pores, out of her mouth, through her actions.

Gage hadn't done a single thing to Cat, though, so it didn't seem fair when she haunted her doorstep to bite at the kindness. Cat shouldered a shrug and offered the briefest quirk of her lips up into a smile. "It was the right thing t' do," She said, practiced as ever. "Wiley still doin' okay?" Cat found herself asking, as if maintaining pleasantries made any sense in a revolution.

[tired-gage]

Gage let Wiley remain tucked against her. "I can stay as long as you'd like," Gage said. "At least until the doctors need me to leave." Wiley wasn't the only one who felt safer together. The two of them were a team, now. Gage thought about telling Wiley about her plan to protect her in the Arena, but she decided against it. She didn't want to worry the girl, and she didn't want Wiley to misunderstand. She'd made the plan as a teacher, protecting a student because that was simply what you did as a teacher. She carried out the plan because Wiley was so much more to her than that.

Gently, Gage pulled away from Wiley's embrace, and looked at her. "When we get out of this Tower, if we're sent home, I'd like you to consider something," she said.

Gage held her, holding her close. Wiley let her, closing her eyes and grabbing herself into Gage's chest, holding her back. It felt good, to be hugged without a knife between them. It felt good to be hugged, to be told she was safe and that they were okay. "I would've died without you." she said, smiling at Gage. or, more accurately, smiling into Gage, because she was never pulling away. not until someone made her. "Can you stay in here?" she wondered, hopefully. "I like being safe with you."

[tired-gage]

Gage knew Wiley didn't mean anything by her comment with the morphling, but she still felt her body go rigid with fear. "It'll wear off soon," she said, carefully. She wasn't sure how, but she would make sure Wiley didn't grow addicted. Not like her parents had, or Gage's parents, or Gage's pathetic ex-husband.

When Wiley started to cry, Gage wrapped her in her arms. "Shhhh," she whispered. "It's alright. We're out. We're safe. I love you too, and we're safe." How was she going to let Wiley go once they were out of this mess? Back to their jobs, to their lives, only to see each other every six months, after everything they'd been through?

Wiley watched Gage smile back at her, and only smiled brighter. It felt good to be safe with Gage. she was lucky, so lucky. both of them. "I get why my mom and dad loved morphling so much." she laughed, the joke bitter on her teeth but the smile on her face still sincere. "My head's all floaty."

"I love you." she said it again, more awake and aware the last time she said it. She meant it. didn't even realize she was crying until the hot salt hit her tongue, opening her mouth again. i'm so proud of you. When was the last time... "Thank you. Thank you. thank you."

[tired-gage]

Gage hadn't been allowed to go so far away from her room as to see Wiley until she was able to walk there on her own, so her damn right knee kept her away for days. Her crying spell had let in the beginnings of hypothermia, but she was all warmed up now. It was the running, apparently, that had truly done her in. But Gage needed to see Wiley, to make sure she was alright. So even though it hurt, she pushed herself to walk all the way down the hall to Wiley's room.

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you smile," Gage mused with amazement. She took Wiley's hand and grinned right back. "We made it, love. I'm so proud of you." She'd known Wiley was a fighter, but the Arena proved that tenfold.

@tired-gage

She'd been awake for a day, maybe two, when she saw Gage again. Time was a weird soup, with the morphling they'd given her. She said she wanted to be off of it, that her parents had been on it their whole lives, and that it made the room spin in unpleasant ways. The doctors understood, and promised to switch her once her surgery had healed enough that it wouldn't be classified as some form of torture to leave her without pain meds.

She liked her doctors.

She liked Gage Royce more.

So when the door opened, and it was Ms Royce, Wiley beamed, reaching out for her using the less-tubed up hand. "You made it." she smiled, happy to see it. "we made it." It was the best, to know they were both alive, and it was going to stay that way.

[tired-gage]

"I know everything about how the Games work!" Gage spat back, close to yelling in hysterics at the memory of the freezing night, at her dying companion, at the belief she'd held deep in her core that she would not survive. "I was in the Games, just like you, so don't you talk to me about not knowing." You sack of shit, she wanted to add. She didn't, if only because she was still, in spite of everything, a middle school teacher, with years of practice in holding back unpleasantries.

"I came here to talk," she added after a moment. "As a kindness. Because I thought you might need it after everything you'd done. But, as it turns out, you don't so much."

He watched, silent as Gage unfurled the reason behind this visit. Another action unaccounted for, another moment lost. Mahlon's expression was neutral, the gaze he offered unwavering, though there was no warmth to it. No empathy. This was a story -- and while it might have been a sad one, it was one all the same. He held no attachment to it.

But Gage used the word pathetic, and he scoffed. "Y'came all the way here to--what? Guilt me?" He pushed himself up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, rolling his neck, which pulled a myriad of wires and sent monitors beeping. "Y'must not know a damn thing 'bout how the Hunger Games work."

[tired-gage]

Gage chuckled lowly. "I'm not the one you owe," she said. "But like you, she's still recovering." Wiley almost died in that Arena. "You left her to die. And just like in the Arena, now you get to walk away from that, not a shred of remorse in there, because you can't remember it at all." It wasn't fair. He deserved to feel the pain he had caused. He should be begging for forgiveness over what he'd done. "I can't quite tell if that's ironic or pathetic."

Mahlon shook his head. "Don't remember nothin'," he reiterated, adding, "'bout the arena, an' the fifteen years before it, either." He studied her face, still so unfamiliar. "Sorry." Mahlon pursed his lips. "I'm guessin' I owe you one, for...somethin'." For what, though, he didn't know.