toastingtears

[toastingtears]

past life

 É como o verão, quente o coração...

 Não pude negar coisas que antes estavam escancaradas em minha frente e mesmo sem sentido faziam sentir, não pude deixar de aceitar, deixar de me curar. Tive medo mas fingi coragem, quase o tempo todo, em meio ao caos do viver, coisas que antes não eram conhecidas se fizerem conhecer.

 Não pude negar a vontade do meu querer, a intensidade que sentia ao te ver, até mesmo no imaginar, o quanto não conseguia aguentar. Tive medo mas fingi coragem, não soube bem o que fazer, tive assim de te perder, te perder e não te ter, negar o quanto quis voce, guardar em mim todo esse não poder.

 Tive medo mas fingi coragem, quando em mim não sentia mais o pulsar de ser, o que me fazia viver, de todas as formas e maneiras independente do porque. Quanto tempo perdi até entender, que o tempo não se perde, mas sim se transforma em tudo que precisamos ver, sentir e refazer.

 E é só o que se sabe, não se prenda ao vazio do não ser, do querer e não poder, do sentir e reviver, do te ver e não te ter, não se prenda ao vazio do não ser.

10092022

[toastingtears]

all i want

 I wish I was happy, I wish I was fine, I wish I could wake up next to you every day, I wish I didn't like you, I wish it was easier, I wish I wasn't so superficial, I wanted to be like the other girls, I want to accept myself, I want to meet who I say be the love of my life, I want to be able to have everything I want, I want to shine like the stars, I want to have you close to me, I want that at least once in my life something went right, I want to forget the problems, I want to know how to show love and affection, I want that people understand me, I want to jump of a building, but I also want to swim the seven seas, I want to live life on the right way, I want to leave this place, I want that sadness hate me at the point of never wanting to be close to me, I want to give a honest smile, I want to feel the wild feelings on the high seas, I want to be a mermaid too, I would know how to swim, I wish it wasn't hard, I wish you cared about me, I wish it was different, I wish I wasn't the way I am, I wish I didn't screw it up, I want to start all over again, I want leave you, I want to spend the night drinking wine and breaking the glasses, I want  to be intense, I want to feel the light, I want to be able to hug you and say how much I love you, I wish you were here, I wish you hadn't done what you did, I wish I wasn't so sensitive, I wish we never met, I wish I had you again, I wish you understood my way, I need love and affection, I want to lie on you and see the moonlight, I want to fly, and also to be invisible, I want to feel good.

 I want to feel good, I can fly, be happy, know the whole world, forget about bad things, live life, jump off a bridge, or also on a pogo stick, I can have the world in my hands, I can feel good, I will feel good, I will be happy, I will have what I need, I could say a lot of wishes, but the only and honest one would be, to be happy.

21012019

[toastingtears]

when i’m with you

 Come and see me for once, touch my hair while I hold your hands, come and hug me, say that everything will be fine.

 You said: please don't cry, someday everything will be over, come home with me and we will drink until we dawn. 

 Don't say goodbye if you will come back, please promise you will be back.

 Let's run around the city and be happy. Don't say goodbye if you will come back. Wake me up at the middle of the night and ask me to hug you. Just get the drink and let's drink until we dawn.

 There is a thousand broken hearts in a thousand nights, a thousand dreams in a thousand places, a thousand hugs, a thousand kisses, a thousand nights in a thousand cities. Don't say goodbye if you will come back, please promise you will be back. Don't leave me crying here, I know you won't do that, just come and see mee.

27102018

[toastingtears]

sunflowers

 It's not about you, it's about me, about the world and how everything is so wild, is the universe conspiring against me? or is it just a moment? it's hard, it hurts, there is butterflies in my stomach, they want to fly but they can't, it's so tight here. It hurts so much. They try to free themselves, but they can’t do that, just like me, as my feelings. The rainbow that lives inside me is being taken by a big darkness. The butterflies are dying inside and it's killing me. 

 We went to the moon through the stars, planted a sunflower, looked each other in the eye and said “fuck all that shit”, we ran through the rings of saturn, slept on mars, woke up, planted sunflowers everywhere and shouted “FUCK EVERYTHING”, we went to venus swimming through the constellations, unfolded sunflowers, we came back and sit at the moon for a while, we looked at each other and just said: it's time to go.

 Someone it’s calling at 11:00pm, it's you. “Would you like to came with me on a space tour, baby?”

 So we went to the moon, we sat there for hours. You brought me a sunflower, and then I looked at you and said: these butterflies inside me are being tired. You watched me for a while and then smile, with your beautiful and cozy smile, and then hug me and whisper in my ears: don't worry, everything will be absolutely fine. You gave me the sunflower and said: keep it together with our moments. 

 You show me a part on me that is strong enought to bring sun to the darkness days. It doesn't hurt anymore and all these sunflowers are stamped wherever we go. Memories are just memories, but what we’ve been experienced aren’t just moments, they are the best moments.

07102018