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tokidoki-sachi-blog · 8 years ago

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This is something I have wanted to talk about for a long time:

I’m going to talk about something that is often thought but rarely spoken about. But I have to start with my story about what happened this afternoon, well actually this evening. Driving home after a 1 and a bit hour gym session, I was talking with my uncle about my fitness goals, like how I want to be able to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower (Probably an easy target for someone who is fit and has more stamina than I do) before I go to France next year. Then he turned to me and said, “If I’m honest, I am surprised about the shape of your body.” Confused, I continue to listen as I think he hides common sense behind a compliment, “When you were younger, I thought when you grew up that you would be...” He stopped, reluctant to finish his sentence, so I did it for him, “Chubby?” I asked and he agreed.

In this post - every girl has to be a size 4 and have beautiful features - world, we are to terrified to refer to someone as fat or obese. Because, if we are honest, our image of an obese person is someone with their fat exploding out the top of their pant line, sitting in McDonalds, eating a BigMac, a large fries and a coke. Yet, if I ask you to imagine a girl, one who refuses to eat refined sugars, does 3 gym classes a week and eats at least 4 pieces of fruit a day, you don’t picture the same person, or at least the same sort of person. By that I mean someone who is fat.

By now most people will realise but for those who don’t, I am talking about myself. No, I am not fat shaming myself. No, I don’t aspire for attention. And to those people about to comment, “oh no, you are beautiful and you should love yourself no matter what size you are.” Just stop, because for one, I do love myself. For others, its hard to believe that a self diagnosed person with low range obesity, can actually love themselves. Yes, I’m not going to lie, I am still a teenage girl. I look at myself in the mirror and stare at the mistakes and things that I wish I could change. But I still love myself.

And two, to be honest, these comments are nice but if I’m talking personally, I don’t know how true all of them are. I can’t tell if you are just saying those things as a joke, making me think that someone loves me and finds me “beautiful”. Because I am the sort of person who sees two people talking near me and automatically thinks they are gossiping about me. Saying shit like, “Omg, look at that fat pig!” or “She should lose some weight.”

Now that I’ve gotten to point where I am just confessing stuff, I want to 1. Explain why I am sugar free (so everyone knows and stops asking me) and 2. Talk about my issues with body confidence.

Okay. 1. Why am I sugar free? Basically, I do not see the appeal in eating something that is so unhealthy and has so little health benefits apart for a sudden boost in energy. I have been sugar free for 353 days (06/09/17) (Yes, its nearly a year) and have not regretted it at all. I haven’t done it to lose weight, or as a diet, because a diet is something you do for two weeks, trying to be healthy but stop because it’s too hard, a fad basically. I did it because I have seen the benefits of not eating sugar, compared to eating sugar. For example, despite being in the middle of puberty, I have no pimples, and only one or two on rare occasion. Also I do not have drops in energy, or cravings for my sugary friend. In my opinion, it’s no different from going vegetarian or vegan. You are choosing not to eat something because you dont like the idea behind it. So I don’t see why it is so abnormal?

And finally 2. I think it is obvious that I would promote a positive body image and confidence in one’s image. But if I’m honest, which I have been, I have absolutely no body confidence. I don’t know if it was how I was raised, always being told that I was fat (even by my own family), but I cant seem to stray away from the fact that I do not look like the mannequins in the shop window. Not saying that I aspire to look like that but society tells me that I should. It also tells me that I should hide my imperfections, my rolls and my lumps. Wear baggy clothes, nothing skin tight or too short. Have you noticed that the bigger the size of shorts, the longer in length they are? So, you can see that this has not helped be become more confident. And despite that people tell me that I’m beautiful, I don’t believe them. And it’s sad, but its true. I think its even sadder when I am shopping with my friends and they ask my why I’m not buying anything, and I reply with “Because we are shopping in a store made for skinny people. And I am not skinny.”

My point I’m trying to make her is that not everything is as it seems. I may seem confident, but truely I’m not. I may be fat, but I shouldn’t be defined as this.

I shouldn’t be defined as the fat girl in year 10.

#rant #fat #chubby #body positive #body confidence #im not confident #it is not as it seems #please read this #read this #quote

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tokidoki-sachi-blog · 8 years ago

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