tom-shades-blog

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BPD

Me: what time did you get home?

Bf: when I texted you :)

Me: but you just used a different device!

Bf: I lost my phone :)

Me: how come you just used it now then?

Bf: I found it

Me: oh...but......

.........(5 hours later)

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k let me get this straight

#1: feel everything in 8 seconds

#2: feel nothing for 8 months

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Wow...the image on the right is amazing.

He knows what he’s doing with his body. That can’t be taught!

🔥

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I would suggest this is your BPD. If all things with people around you seem to be bad and the common part of it is you....look at you first. Not easy! But easier than going on forever believing everyone is out to hurt you. I know, cos I’ve done it for years. Beyond the abusers, it was all me later on. Most people, won’t to help. I’ve just trouble trusting them.

(1/2) I’ve been dissociating every 4-5 weeks (for the last 8 mon.) but I haven’t been able 2 work out why. I’ve done word/thought association, journaling, practically everything I can to try and figure out why I am dissociating but there’s nothing. I was seeing a therapist but she was doing the same thing my abuser (my mom) was, dismissing and gaslighting my issues. I live w/ my mom due 2 health & trauma issues (because of her abuse), could it just be living with my mom that’s causing this? -👻

(2/2) My “mom” is the only parent I’ve really known and she gaslights, manipulates, & has verbally & emotionally abused me 4 the past 17 yrs. I am currently working so I can save money 2 move out but she’s just been more abusive when I come home from work. I feel trapped since there’s no affordable therapy for EMDR in my area. It’s either save $ to move or spend it so I stay “sane”. Both are practically futile without the other. Any ideas on how to figure out why I am dissociating? -👻

I’d first remember to, if you can, get a new therapist. She sounds unhealthy for you, and unprofessional. 

And imo it could very well be. Living with an abuser is v stressful, and stress can make you dissociate. I recommend trying to record what happened before you dissociated, and see if there’s any correlation. I would personally recommend moving out first to get safe, then start on new therapy! For now there are lots of online resources 

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© ALL FO ME | do not edit/modify.

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© ETERNAL SUMMER | do not edit/modify.

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Hey. I think it’s your BPD. As soon as I read it I thought....this sounds like me. Then I looked at your BPD header! Try and chill...it’s not that many ppl and I’m sure they are all too busy looking at their phones to even care!

Always try and double think these automatic thoughts. There is always another possibility in any situation. This can help you get better over time.

Take care!

BPD sucks.

GOD that post is gonna end up like the straight joke one, why do people always take my least controversial posts to start shit on? ive said some p out there stuff before but it’s always the basic stuff people have an issue with lmao

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That’s not true for many people who have mental health issues.

Some are too exhausted to start, others become too exhausted to keep going. Those that get ‘the dream’ can often end up overloaded or dead because there just isn’t enough energy for the constant demands of life, managing their illness and the dream. No balance - no life.

~ Paulo Coelho

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I just think of the bad 😷

“Kiss her. Slowly, take your time, there’s no place you’d rather be. Kiss her but not like you’re waiting for something else, like your hands beneath her shirt or her skirt or tangled up in her bra straps. Nothing like that. Kiss her like you’ve forgotten any other mouth that your mouth has ever touhed. Kiss her with a curious childish delight. Laugh into her mouth, inhale her sighs. Kiss her until she moans. Kiss her with her face in your hands. Or your hands in her hair. Or pulling her close at the waist. Kiss her like you want to take her dancing. Like you want to spin her into an open arena and watch her look at you like you’re the brightest thing she’s ever seen. Kiss her like she’s the brightest things you’ve ever seen. Take you time. Kiss her like the first and only piece of chocolate you’re ever going to tast. Kiss her until she forgets how to count. Kiss her stupid. Kiss her silent. Come away, kiss her and don’t stop.”

— Unknown (via mostfaequotes)

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weight

I looked at the scales and was 4 pounds over two days ago and now I’m normal again but gaining. Arhhh!

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True

I had 4 buns yesterday and feel like shit

bread: *exists*

that’s the fucking problem

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The Japanese boy band MeseMoa released a music video that had us clutching our pearls, henny! Watch the boys lock lips for an entire video: http://logo.to/2o0tnqH

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this cutie deserves all the compliments ♡

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Not yet. I’ll try to think of something.

Bpd google search: Is there a way to tell everyone “sorry, I was being irrational for the past 4 months, simply disregard everything I said”?

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I feel bad today.

Yesterday my psychiatrist of 8 years decided to tell me

he was leaving and told me right at the end of our session!

No warning he was leaving at all.

This is real abandonment.

I feel like shit.

*someone doesn’t answer my text messages but answers someone else*

my brain: is this abandonment?