tomgrrl

[tomgrrl]

The wrap-up

As the semester comes to an end, I am forced to look back upon what I actually did this year. It's quite easy to judge yourself knowing what you know now and it's also extremely easy to feel as if you didn't do everything you needed to. Seasonal depression and imposter syndrome are quite common throughout this time of the year and as I look around, I notice that a lot of my classmates myself included suffer with some of this stuff. Now, I don't have any grand way that fight off these feelings because they're natural and happen to everyone, but I do have a little exercise that makes me feel a bit better. I wrote a letter to myself in the past. In this letter, I explained all the things that I wanted to do differently and all the things I was happy that I got to do. When I’m done, I put this letter in a box and leave it until a couple of years go by. I often take this box out and look at some of the letters I wrote myself and I find that a lot of the information in there is stuff that can still be applied to my life going forward. For example, when I was 16, I wrote a letter to myself saying that I was disappointed that I didn't take the time to hang out with my friends more often, especially since the year I turned 16 the lockdown for the COVID pandemic began. Now that I'm 19 and turning 20 I think that I should spend more time with my friends doing things that I want to do because sometimes you don't know if you will get the opportunity to do it in the future. The purpose of this exercise is to realize that you can learn from yourself and your past mistakes and even if you're not in the right headspace to hear it right now if you write it down someday you might need it. I started doing this essay when I was about 11 under the suggestion of one of my English teachers, and I’d be lying if I didn't say that it's helped me a lot. It puts a lot of things into perspective and allows me to hear advice and things that I wouldn't be willing to hear the moment when I wrote it down. And that kind of philosophy has built my personality and beliefs. For example, when I'm trying to tell my best friend information that she needs to hear I first assess the situation and see if she's willing to listen to what I have to say. Throughout the years I realized that if someone's not in the right headspace to listen to you and take the time to think about the advice you're giving then you shouldn't waste your breath trying to say it to them. You give them some time to calm down, and memo when they're in a better headspace you can try to see if they would like to listen to what you have to say. Sometimes they won't want to listen and sometimes they will, but the important thing is that you don't say something to someone when they're not in the right place to actually hear you and listen. I only have two more years of my undergrad left and I want to take the time to enjoy my youth as well as focus on my studies, I know it'll be difficult to find a healthy balance between those two things but people do it and I'm confident that I can do it too. This has been a chronicle of an overworked underpaid college student.

[tomgrrl]

Perler hell

One of my final projects this year is to do an “un-essay.” What is that? You might be asking, well an un-essay it's a project that you do displaying what you've learned this year instead of just writing an essay about it. And I have to give it to her, it's an interesting way to wrap up the end of the year. Except, the things she expects us to do for this project are a bit… well unique. Some suggestions of things we could do were write and perform a song, crochet a primate, make a painting of a primate, and create a 3D model of a primate. Now not all of these ideas are bad, but the more creative you become the higher the potential to get an A is. So of course, I (in my overachieving glory) decided to make a mandrill out of perler beads. Now this statement prompts a couple of questions. One, what's a mandrill? and two, what are perler beads? Well, a mandrel is a primate, or a bit more specifically a monkey, it's got a bright Red Nose and a blue snout. It's pretty distinct so you'd know one when you saw it. Perler beads, on the other hand, are the most impractical project materials. Perler beads are tiny beads you place on a pegboard and then melt together to create a mosaic. Now originally my idea seemed very cool and easy so, I figured I would document my progress and include it in my explanation slideshow, but what I failed to realize was the sheer amount of time and patience it would take to complete. Not only did I have to spend $53 on perler beads and a pegboard, but it is taking me 46 hours to get halfway done. And I suppose that's my own fault. I underestimated the sheer volume of perler beads that would be necessary for this specific project. I also underestimated the size of my fingers. I have always been on the smaller side, in the sense that I’m only 5 foot 2 and have pretty petite features, so I assumed foolishly that my tiny little baby hands would be small enough to pick up the perler beads and place them in the pegboard. Oh, how wrong I was. Now while my hands are still small, the perler beads are much smaller and suited only for the hands of a four-year-old. I ended up having to make a makeshift tool to pick up the perler beads because the tip of my tweezers was too big to pick up the perler beads. My tool consisted of an exacto knife that I would wedge into the whole of the Perler beads and use to carefully pick it up.All in all, that wasn't a terrible idea. And an additional 24 hours later I finally finished my mandrill only to drop it and have to redo half of it again. What did I learn from this whole ordeal? Don't be creative, just write a stupid essay. This is when the chronicle of an overworked underpaid college student.

[tomgrrl]

RIP to my teenage years

As the semester draws to an end, I am forced to think about how I'm going to spend my break. It's a troubling thought especially since in the middle of my break my birthday comes. Well, my birthday is at a very inopportune time of the year, I remember my mom telling me when I was young that I’d enjoy having a winter birthday because eventually I’d go to college and I would have my birthday off from school but what she neglected to tell me was how difficult it would be to plan any event relating to my birthday considering that all my friends would be out of the state. I'm turning 20 in the coming year and it's a pretty big birthday for me. It’s officially the end of my teenage years which I'd like to point out I never wanted to enter. A bit more elaboration on that would be that when I was little I never wanted to be a teenager I used to sit up at night and cry for hours saying I don't want to be a teenager I don't want to do it, and in my own defense being a teenager isn't easy. You struggle with understanding and adapting to new emotions as well as dealing with changes in hormones which cause interesting feelings and urges to arise. I'll end it there simply because I don't want to go into a conversation about the birds and the bees right now but my main point is that being a teenager is a tumultuous time in a person's life and in my 5-year-old little mind I somehow understood that it was not going to be easy. Therefore my 20th birthday is an excessively big event for me, I just don't know what to do. It'll be cold and I've already done all of the winter birthday things, such as ice skating, tubing, skiing, sledding, snowboarding, and going on vacation. I would just like to do something new and exciting. The only issue is that with new and exciting 2 problems arise; 1. What can I do? And 2. Can I afford it? Which is why I have to think about how I'm going to spend my break. The first official week of break I'm going to still be working but at a different hourly rate, I'll be coming in at 9:00 AM and leaving at 5:30 a typical office job except I'll be working with kids that have been there since 7:00 AM. This requires a lot of mental fortitude and patience considering that handling kids for three hours is already difficult let alone from 9:00 to 5:00. However, doing this will ensure that I make a lot of money at an hourly rate of $15.50 an hour I'll make a tidy little lump sum that I can devote my time towards overseeing my birthday plans. Now the only hurdle I must jump is, what do I actually want to do for my birthday? This is the last bit of stress that I need considering that exam season is coming up and I really need to focus on studying for that but instead here I am being plagued by thoughts of my birthday in anticipation of how I'm going to celebrate the occasion. Hold on all this has been the chronicle of an overworked underpaid college student.

[tomgrrl]

The most wonderful time of the year bill season

Since my last two posts have been about things not related to college, I figured I'd talk about something a bit more closely related to my own college life. I was talking to my father about that wonderful time of year, which is tuition and college expenses payment season. We ended up in this conversation because my dad stated that he couldn't access my bill payment account, I found this a little bit weird considering that he's the one paying for my education, but he couldn't even get into the system to see how much money we had to pay. My parents are pretty tech-savvy people and can work their way around a computer and an iPhone with ease so it shocked me when he couldn't get in. When I went to check I got in easily with no hurdles to jump through which I found a little weird, since I’m not the one actually paying the bill why is it that it's easier for me to get access to that information than it is for my father. It seems a little strange and counterintuitive to me, but I won't question the college gods. On a similar note, I was talking to my father about what I was going to do for my master’s program. I still have two more years to go to college and my parents have planned accordingly for that however when it comes to my master’s program, I realized that I'd have to pay out of pocket for it myself. The notion of this scares me. I know that master's programs can be expensive and since I'll have to pay for it out of pocket myself, I know that I'll have to save money. The problem here is that one I don't have money and two I have a chronic fear of debt. I have lived my life debt-free and wanted to complete my college career without going into student loan debt. My dad, my brother, and my older sisters all went to college, and all are still paying off their student loan debts. I've seen the impact it has and I'm aware of how much money it can pile up. I've seen my dad pay the principal of his student loan debt three times over, but it has done nothing to reduce the compounding additional charges that come along with not paying off the full amount within a certain amount of time. As I take the time to contemplate what I want to do with my life I keep in mind that once I graduate with my bachelor’s and move on to my master’s program, I'm going to have to finance a large part of my life on my own. It's a scary thought to stare down the barrel of and it doesn't feel like I can do it, however, I know plenty of people before me have walked the same path and have made it out relatively scott so I'm aware it can be done but when it comes to challenging my own mental hurdles about the whole situation I feel as if it'll take a little bit more than some reassurance. I don't know maybe I'll drop out and become a stripper, then this has been the Chronicle of an overworked underpaid college student.

[tomgrrl]

New York, specifically Manhattan, is a city that's so close to where I live that it's a two-hour train ride away. The beautiful thing about taking this trip to New York is that 1 because of my obsessive need to be self-sufficient I can navigate this city with ease despite only ever being on the subway three times and two I happen to belong to a school that has a lovely program where students get free train slash bus passes. This means that a round trip to Manhattan that would normally cost $36 only cost me 20 and who doesn't love a good deal. I suggest if you go to school in the Connecticut area you check to see if your school offers a UPass. They’re the best things in the entire world and have saved me so much money over the years. I digress when me and my friends went to New York we decided to hit up this really cool interactive art gallery they had glass floors and a floral room as well as laser light shows and the really cool volcano room. I always try to make sure that when I go to New York I hit up at least one museum, there are so many in Manhattan that it just wouldn't be fair if I didn't go to at least one. Before we ended up at the museum, however, we went to this really cool ramen shop in Koreatown. It was about a 10-minute subway ride from Grand Central station and the food was to die for. Since it was so cold, I ended up having a bowl of ramen which typically depends on where you go and can cost anywhere from 20 to $30, however, the ramen at this place only cost me 10. In addition to that, we got a whole bunch of appetizers that we didn't need to order included kimchi, pickled radish, and Pickled cucumber. The vibe and the place were so cool, and it had this really interesting paper screen motif that separated the tables. We also hit up an H Mart, I had never been to H Mart before, but I've heard good things and let me tell you all of them are correct. I got to sample some mochi desserts and bought a whole bunch of ingredients for my meal prep for the week and it only came out to $30. Can you believe it I got 13 things for $30 which might not seem too impressive but in this economic climate, it really is considering that when you go to my regular grocery store, and you get 13 things you end up spending $237. We didn't spend too much time wandering around outside besides getting to our locations simply because it was freezing but we did take a ton of pictures at various cool locations we ended up seeing. All in all, for all the time I spent planning this trip and all the hurdles I had to jump through to make it happen I enjoyed it, and it was a well-needed respite from my daily hectic life. This has been the chronicle of an overworked underpaid college student.

[tomgrrl]

The itinerary from hell

So recently I went on a day trip to Manhattan. Of course, me being the baby that I am I of course didn't go alone I went with two friends, and I planned the entire trip. Now you might be thinking to yourself, well you went with two other people, did they have anything they wanted to do, of course they did I just was the one that made the itinerary and got us to all of our locations. One of the people that I went with was my best friend, I've known this girl for 10 years and friendship has lasted longer than most relationships so to say we're close would be an understatement. And knowing what I know about her I knew that I couldn't trust her with any of the directions. My best friend who I love and adore is not the brightest bulb. I mean this in the nicest way she's so sweet and so caring but not really breaking even on the commonsense part. All this to say in addition to my hectic work and school schedule I also had to take the time out to schedule everything that my friends wanted to do in New York. A little bit more background would be that my best friend's mom hates me I don't know why and quite frankly I won't go into detail as to why I think she does, but keep in mind that this is a well-known fact in my friend circle. This means not only did I have to plan the whole trip I had to go out of my way to make the most comprehensive itinerary I could have made. I devoted an entire 24 hours out of my week to making this itinerary so that everyone could do what they wanted to, and we could make it home at a decent time. This meant that I had to pull all-nighters with my other assignments and had to find time to plan in addition to working and watching kids. And to make matters worse remember how I said my best friend wasn't quite breaking even on that commonsense part, well I also had to help her plan out her outfit for the trip. You might be thinking well that doesn't seem necessary she's the same age as you so she should be able to do basic tasks. Unfortunately, you're incorrect. My best friend wanted to wear a jumpsuit but not just any jumpsuit, a short-sleeved jumpsuit with shorts in the middle of November in downtown Manhattan. The estimated weather for when we were going to go was a high of 52 and a low of 28. She clearly, can't be trusted to plan her outfit, and to make matters worse I also have an intense outfit anxiety which may or may not be a part of the micromanaging. My outfit anxiety means that I have to plan my outfit so that I’m not hot, I’m not cold, I have layers, I look cute, and I’m also comfy. There's a bit of conjecture in that statement and it doesn't really make any sense but to be fair that's how it sounds in my head. All in all, we had a blast. I'll talk a bit more about what we actually did on the trip in my next blog post but until then this has been the chronicle of an overworked underpaid college student.

[tomgrrl]

The little micromanaging monster

Everyone has some form of anxiety. Whether it shows up when you have to make a big speech in front of your class or when you have to make friends, everyone has it. My anxiety tends to stem from the inability to be in control of my situation. Now that might be related to a whole lot of other psychological issues that I just don't have the money and time to invest in but I digress. My point remains the same. Everyone suffers from anxiety in some way shape or form. Recently I had to rely on other people in a project and the whole situation made me very anxious. I had a hard time relinquishing control of the whole assignment and relying on other people to do their part. In high school when I had to do group assignments I could micromanage and tell people how I wanted the assignment to go, however, in college, I'm trying to let go. It's proving to be a really hard task and while I know I must let other people contribute and take charge it still bothers me. All of that being said though everyone has things that they're struggling with and while they may not be the same things as you everyone knows what it feels like to struggle. This has been a chronicle of an overworked underpaid college student.

[tomgrrl]

The plight of a commuter

You know what I hate, campus parking. So I commute to school and that means that I have to drive and park. Faculty and staff parking is the closest to the main campus followed by graduate student parking, and then commuter parking. The commuter parking is the furthest away from the main campus. you end up having to walk half a mile. It's very clear to me that my campus isn't commuter-friendly from a lack of places for commuters to relax to activities that only residents can do because they're late at night. Everyone has a right to enjoy their college experience even if they don't live on campus especially since everyone pays the same tuition. This has been a chronicle of an overworked underpaid college student

[tomgrrl]

The danish that broke the camel's back

I find it amazing how colleges provide food on campus that has no nutritional value and costs an arm and a leg. I didn’t get a single break this week. I worked and went to school Monday – Friday had to go grocery shopping with my mom on Saturday, and had work on Sunday. And all of that working to barely make $1000 for the month. I pay bills and I cover my own expenses for the most part, there are some things that my parents still take care of but when it comes to my own personal expenses like clothes, toiletries, food for school etcetera I pay for it myself. I recently mentioned to my parents that it's stressful trying to make money so that I can afford to do the things that I want to do and they told me that I don't have to work. And at this point, you might be thinking well if your parents told you that you don't have to work and that they'll take care of it then why do you continue to do it. Well, when they say I don't have to work they mean they pay for my school and all I should be worrying about is getting good grades. They fail to factor in though that if I stop working all the things that I want to do that my parents can't justify paying for I can no longer do. This includes getting a piercing if I want or going out to the mall with my friends and my free time (which I have so little of in the first place). My parents would argue that this is a not school expense and that it's not necessary for me to do or have these things. Which is why I have to work. So, all of this stress, and all I want is a nice raspberry Danish to relieve my worries and it costs 6 dollars. I got a Danish at a coffee shop on my campus, and it was 6 dollars, 6 **** dollars. I’m already paying for tuition and miscellaneous fees which totals 6k and then I have to pay 6 of my hard-earned dollars for a Danish that wasn’t even good. College sucks but anyway, this has been a chronicle of an overworked underpaid college student.

[tomgrrl]

College sucks, plain and simple, anyone telling you otherwise is lying to you and themselves. There seems to be a narrative going around that only popular people peak in high school and those of us who were less enamored by this teenage dream narrative will blossom in college and become the people we have always wanted to be. This is absolute propaganda. Now let me tell you why. It’s way too expensive, interacting with new people is hard, and the work is ridiculous, point-blank period. Now I'm also aware that not everyone feels like this (or they're just not willing to admit it) but this is how I feel. Therefore, I created a safe space for people to relax, decompress, and vent about the trials and tribulations of college life.