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too-tired-rn · 3 months ago

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Alastor Headcanons

Alastor headcanons because vivziepoop sucks at writing and characterized him wrong. stupid cunt.

Some of them are things I’ve heard before and agree with, so some of them may be things you’ve heard previously.

ok, i ended up just rambling about vivziepop’s shit characterization, and then made headcanons to describe how he’s actually meant to be for anyone who isn’t braindead or 12. i’ll put a cut where the bitching ends and i get into the headcanons.

- Alastor is not the pussy bitch he’s made out to be in the show. He’s not gonna pitch a fucking fit if someone like Lucifer doesn’t like him, nor would he feel any sort of rivalry toward him in the first place.

- And people can say “He cares about Charlie, though,” “He just doesn’t like bad fathers,” but stfu. You underestimate this man’s apathy. He don’t give a fuck about hardly anything.

- There’s only a couple scenes of him in the show I feel aren’t horrendously mischaracterized. Those being his little squabble with Vox when Vox attacks his image, and when he threatens Husk for reminding him that he also sold his soul to someone (and that one BARELY makes the cut. it’s only reasonable because Alastor would not allow someone to disrespect him like that, especially not someone whose soul he already owns).

- HOWEVER, fuck you vivzieshit, he did not sell his soul. He’s too suave and badass for your feeble little ape brain to understand. He didn’t sell his soul for more power, he’s just like that. He’s just powerful on his own merits because WHY TF NOT?? Why can’t he just be a mysteriously powerful sinner, huh?

- vivzie just seems to hate her own fuckn character atp. like that goddamn season 2 leak i don’t care about spoiling (because fuck this entire show) where he throws a fit like a pouty fuckn child because lucifer is making jabs at him and he jumps out of his chair and says “fuck it, i quit!” STFU VIVZIEPOP HE DID NOT SAY THAT I FUCKING HATE YOU

- anyway, all necessary vivziepop hate aside, i’ll get to some actual headcanons that aren’t just negating the shit ass writing for the character (although some of them are definitely still gonna negate the vivziepop version) (also, fuck Tamir Alai’s voice for him. Bring back Edward Bosco. #notmyalastor)

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How he feels about other characters:

- Alastor may have found Charlie entertaining in the beginning because she’s obviously so different from other demons, but he just came to find her annoying after a while.

- He never liked Vaggie, since she is just like other sinners to him. Untrusting, hostile, confrontational, etc. That hasn’t changed, he still doesn’t like her, though he’s fairly indifferent since they don’t interact all that much.

- He doesn’t like Angel, especially since one of the very first things he did upon meeting Alastor was threaten (yes, threaten (in Alastor’s eyes)) to suck him off. He’s done nothing ro redeem himself in Alastor’s mind either. He’s just as promiscuous and annoying as he was when Alastor first met him.

- Alastor doesn’t dislike Husk, but he doesn’t really like him either. Alastor’s pretty neutral to Husk’s existence. He’s just useful to Alastor when he needs shit done he doesn’t wanna do.

- He likes Niffty since she’s fuckn insane and he finds it entertaining. She’s also efficient when it comes to cleaning, so she’s useful to him.

- He loves Rosie. She’s his best friend. (fuck the season 2 leaks about them, idc, die vivzie) She was the one who introduced him to cannibalism, and he’s grateful for that. She’s fun to be around and he visits her all the time.

- He’s only really stuck around Mimzy because they were friends in life, and he’s somewhat sentimental about their old friendship. He thinks she’s gotten substantially more irritating as the years have gone on. Obviously he doesn’t appreciate her constantly bringing her problems to him, and he tells her off after the episode 5(?) incident, and I think that’s that. He’s not really one for second chances.

Redmption/hotel related headcanons:

- He never participates in Charlie’s little exercises. He’ll spectate for fun, but he doesn’t wanna be redeemed or anything, so it’s pointless for him to join in.

- I’m sure Charlie’s tried to convince him to join before, but he’s just outright turned her down every time, so she gave up.

- He spends most of his time in his room or radio tower, since he generally doesn’t like the people at the hotel. He’s not an ipad baby, so he can keep himself pretty entertained without anyone else.

- He only really leaves his room/radio tower and socializes when he’s particularly bored, he’s hungry or feels like cooking, he wants to drink or piss off Husk, or when one of the exercises sounds funny.

- He obviously thinks it’s hilarious that any of these idiots think they have a shot at redemption at all, so watching them perform little plays, do bonding/trust exercises, or generally grovel for God’s attention and approval is pathetic and hysterical to him.

Seven year absence:

- I’ll concede that Alastor disappeared for seven years, but it was absolutely NOT because some (nonexistent) soul-owner made him. He just fuckn felt like it. He found a way to visit Earth and just stayed there for a while.

- He wasn’t fully corporeal during this time, so there’s no way he was interacting with anyone, but he didn’t want to anyway, so that didn’t bother him.

- He definitely went to New Orleans during these seven years and discovered very quickly he fucking hates it. He hates big cities and change, so the fact that it isn’t the perfect little town it was in the 30s pisses him off.

- He hates modern shit, obviously, and he especially despises how boring and minimalist every building/structure is. Where’s the charm in block buildings and post-modern art sculptures? It’s all so dull and pointless.

- He feels the same about modern fashion. At least in terms of what people wear day-to-day. He’s stunned that anyone would be so uncaring about their appearance in public. T-shirts, sweatpants, pajamas, etc. are all completely unacceptable for public attire.

- He can’t stand how good the quality of everything is, media-wise. He hates how clear and crisp songs are. If he finds a modern song he likes, which is incredibly rare, he’ll add his own static to it so he can stand to listen to it.

Sexuality:

- idgaf what vivziepop says, nor do i care if people bitch endlessly about those who ignore Alastor’s supposed alleged asexuality, this mf is not asexual.

- He’s just not a slut. And, hard as it may be to believe, I do not think that just because I like the guy and want him to dick me down. I just truly cannot see the vision (since i have a frontal lobe).

- He’s a very traditional man, so he wasn’t around for hook-up culture, and he’s always found sex to be meaningless without an emotional connection. That does not mean he’s asexual, it means he’s not gonna sleep with anyone just to get his dick wet.

- Because he’s never experienced a romantic emotional connection with anyone before, he’s never had sex. He simply doesn’t care to. He’s perfectly content using his goddamn fist if the need arises.

- On top of that, he’s not aromantic. Just because he hasn’t had romantic interest in someone before doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

- He hasn’t felt that way about anyone because no one is interesting enough for him. You’d have to be real fuckn special for him to even give you a second glance, let alone develop romantic feelings. And even if you are interesting at first glance (like Charlie was), you’d have to remain interesting or you’d become boring to him (like Charlie did).

- He would only want to be around people who are intellectually stimulating, and share a majority of his views and values. So unless you can fulfill that role, he doesn’t care about you.

Alastor’s killings:

- I actually agree with the majority of the fandom (genuinely shocking cuz that shit is rare asf) that believes Alastor had an abusive father. I also agree that Alastor killed his father for it. I hc it was in his late teens, around 16-17, and that his mother knew about it and helped him cover it up.

- His mother was probably devastated about losing her husband, but also understandably relieved. Mostly, though, she was afraid of what this could mean for her son. She didn’t want him to become the person he became, basically.

- When he was young, his mother did everything she could to instill good morals/values into Alastor, but his father’s constant drunken rage being aimed at him and his mother made him resentful, and his later killings were a projection of that resentment onto those resembling his father, either in appearance or manner.

- When disappearances were being constantly reported during Alastor’s adulthood, his mother knew it was him. She confronted him about it, but he denied everything. Though she never did have concrete proof, she died believing him to be a serial killer, which she was obviously right about.

- His killings didn’t start immediately after killing his father. He honestly didn’t feel any bloodlust afterward. He had gotten rid of his problem, so why would he?

- The first time he killed someone in adulthood was when he found out a man he worked with was abusing his wife. Obviously, he had some problems with that, so he just killed him.

- Alastor never killed a woman. He sees it as ungentlemanly and doesn’t like the idea of hurting someone of the “fairer” sex (he’s a traditional man, y’all). The same goes for children. He doesn’t find enjoyment in hurting the innocent.

- His mother died when he was 23, and the doctors never figured out why. He blamed it on the stress she experienced from the years of abuse she suffered at the hands of his father, so a lot of shitty men died at his hands while he was grieving.

Other aspects of his life:

- He began an apprenticeship at the local radio station when he was 14, since he knew he wanted to pursue a career in that field from a young age.

- He began working as a radio host when he was 20, and became popular very quickly. His experience apprenticing at the station assured he had enough experience to be good at the job before taking it.

- Alastor’s broadcasts were the talk of the town. His smooth voice and sense of humor made him a favorite of the majority of New Orleans residents.

- Alastor loved talking about his killings on his broadcasts. He always acted as if he was just reporting the news, but he’d be giddy the entire time he talked about them. It almost upset him when no one found the bodies of his victims because he couldn’t report on them or people would catch on to him.

- The women were all over him (and that didn’t change in death). Women in the town would practically throw themselves at him constantly. He enjoyed the attention for a time, but after a while he began to find it bothersome.

- No one ever found out he was the killer. I know the fanbase likes to say he was caught hiding a body or whatnot, but I prefer the idea that the man who shot him fired a few times and didn’t investigate enough to find out he didn’t kill both men. He buried the bodies to cover his tracks, and no one ever figured out what happened to Alastor. He just disappeared one day, much to the dismay of his loyal fans.

Hygiene:

- HE DOES NOT HAVE BAD HYGIENE.

- You’re telling me this man, who is so concerned about appearances he’s willing to kill someone over tearing an inch of fabric from his coat, doesn’t care about keeping himself clean?

- Bullshit. I’d even go so far as to say he’s a borderline germaphobe. Yes, I know the general fandom headcanon is that he wears gloves to avoid touching people simply because he hates physical contact, and I agree, but we’ve seen him touch other people plenty (and yes, i recognize that the gloves could be the thing that makes that okay in his eyes, but i still think he would avoid touch much more obviously if that was truly his top priority). I think his primary reason for wearing the gloves is to keep germs away.

- I’m not saying he’s a full-blown germaphobe, but he definitely likes to keep clean.

- He does brush his teeth. They’re just yellow because that’s part of his demonic form.

- He does bathe. He showers every day like a normal fuckn person. He also wears cologne to make sure he smells nice. Like I said, he’s all about appearances, and I think fragrance is a factor in that.

Appearance:

- I agree with the idea that Alastor had naturally curly hair in his life, but I think it’s naturally straight in his demonic form.

- He doesn’t hate most of his deer features. The ears don’t bother him, he likes how the antlers can grow when he’s threatening someone, and his legs/hooves aren’t too bothersome (though I can imagine they may have been uncomfortable when first walking on them in hell after having had human legs and feet all his life).

- The only feature of his he dislikes is his tail (which he definitely has considering he has deer ears, antlers, legs, and hooves). He doesn’t necessarily think it makes him look weak, but it is sensitive to touch (just a fact about deer tails), so it’s always kind of uncomfortable. He also doesn’t like how it reacts to certain emotions/perceptions against his will.

- Deer tails swish when they are calm, or occasionally twitch for pretty much no reason. They stick straight out when they first sense danger, and lay flat against them when they know there is a threat. They can also stand straight up to alert the rest of their herd of danger (these things are true of whitetail deer, idk about other species). Also, deer tails do not wag like dogs’ tails do to indicate happiness, so his tail would not give that away.

- He hides his tail to avoid being outed for his feelings, especially those related to fear, and because he just prefers high-waisted pants and tailcoats.

- His hair is sexy, so I don’t wanna hear y’all bitch about it no more. Why should he have the same hairstyle we’ve seen on a billion other men? I love me a man with unique hair (Jareth, Jareth, Jareth, Jareth).

- Stop drawing this man with muscles. He’s a skinny fuckn dude. You may be able to see faint outlines of muscles on his arms and legs, as you would with any other person, but he does not have defined muscles.

- He cannot drop his smile. That shit is permanent. He can have a small grin at the least, but he will never be able to frown. The only thing that would ever indicate sadness, fear, or whatever emotion are his eyes and brows. People have asked him a million times why he always smiles, and he’ll normally just respond with “you’re never fully dressed without one” but truthfully, it’s just impossible for him to frown. He doesn’t really mind this at all. He doesn’t ever want people to know what he’s actually thinking, so he likes that his permanent smile hides his true feelings/intentions.

- He does wear makeup (specifically eyeshadow), and he looks sexy asf in it. I love me a man in makeup (Jareth, Jareth, Jareth, Jareth). He washes it off every night, but he doesn’t have a skincare routine or anything. I mean, sure he cares about his appearance, but don’t forget this man died in the 30s. He’s already pushing it by wearing eyeshadow. It’s alright though, his skin is naturally pretty smooth.

- He doesn’t have fur all over his body, but his hair is thicker toward the ends of his arms and legs (that’s what the black gradient is). I don’t think he’s very hairy anywhere else.

- He doesn’t have claws, because why tf would he? He’s a deer demon. The gloves make it look like he does, though.

- He doesn’t need his monocle. His eyesight (since death) is perfect. He just likes the look of it.

His shadows:

- His shadows are part of him, but they’re also independent beings, not that he allows them to be very often. It mostly occurs when he’s resting.

- His shadows kind of betray his real feelings if you look close enough. They can drop their smiles, and if he’s angry, they’ll scowl at whoever he’s upset with, or they’ll violently shudder and glitch. If he’s dancing or singing, they’ll dance across the walls and floors with him.

- Though they are a sort of extension of him, they also have their own individual personalities and feelings.

- His shadows talk to him, but only he can understand them. They have a language of their own, so no one else will ever be able to understand what they’re saying, aside from Alastor.

- They can hide in and take over other people’s shadows whenever they, or Alastor, desire. He uses this ability to spy on others.

- The shadows have very negative reactions to bright lights. It burns them. When Alastor stands in a particularly bright place, the shadows experience horrible pain. They’ll writhe and hiss and try to find a darker spot to escape it.

- He doesn’t have one particular “main” shadow. Any shadow currently acting as his actual shadow will take on the same shape, and they switch out often.

General headcanons:

- Alastor is sentimental about specific things. He’s found a way to get some of his personal belongings from his life, and he couldn’t stand to part with them. Some things he keeps include his favorite pocket watch from his life, some cracked eyeglasses he used to wear, a broken radio from his life, etc.

- He cannot stand silence. He always has to have some sound, whether it’s a ticking clock, music, or just his own static, he cannot exist in pure silence.

- He doesn’t like typical brutality/evil. If there’s no purpose behind it, he finds it boring and tacky.

- Alastor can play multiple instruments. We’ve seen him play the piano, but he can also play the saxophone and trumpet. His favorite is the saxophone (and the saxophone’s sexy asffffff).

- I agree he doesn’t sleep. I like to think he just sort of “rests” sitting up in a chair, eyes slightly open, with the faintest sound of static coming from him. He’s borderline sleeping, but he’s not really.

- He had horrible handwriting during his life, just because schools back then didn’t really care to teach them how to write perfectly (idk if this is true or not, and idc). He’s worked on his handwriting a lot since death because sometimes he couldn’t read his own scripts, which was bothersome. Plus, when you have eternity to learn something, you might as well.

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Sorry (not sorry) if this seemed too vitriolic. I just despise vivziepop’s Alastor. He was so interesting and mysterious in the pilot and then she just crucified him in the show. I also just can’t stand who she is as a person. She’s terrible and I will forever be the #1 vivziepoop hater.

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