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10 minutes of whate’r

Oh my gosh, this tumblr is like coming “home” to a hotel room where all that’s happened has been breakups! 

I say it’s kinda funny, kinda sad.

Thoughts as they cross my mind:

Beck Bennett is really attractive to me

I think it’s his deep voice

When my ex-boyfriend ZY reached out during the quarantine, I was dealing with fecal impaction from eating too much pie.

I was also wearing the same underwear that I had on when I slept with him several months ago.

Those were overshares, but you don’t even know me, so it’s okay.

I ate so many peanut butter-filled pretzels and nuts tonight.

That was after eating a whole pizza I made from a broccoli corn flour crust.

When ZY began texting less frequently and skipping a couple days here and there, I felt it.

Ugh, this pattern happens so frequently!

But it doesn’t have to. 

I just won’t be the person to tolerate it anymore, or allow men to continuously enact that pattern on me.

Patti Harrison is prettier than most biological women

I fall in love with people who are good actors.

I fall in love with people whose energy makes me want to be more creative.

The night ZY ignored my text asking him to FaceTime, I lashed out in my way and reached out to EG.

I had to email EG.

I got a response from EG.

I had to get EG’s phone number from his email signature.

I FaceTimed EG.

It was so fun! 

There was a firework... or gunshot sound just now.

It’s May 12, 2020.

We’ve been quarantined since March 15th/21st (for me, the latter, because I still had my restaurant job until they laid us off).

I have better things coming for me at the end of this quarantine.

I get to take this time to reprioritize my priorities.

I have 2 minutes left.

I yield the rest of my 2 minutes -- 1 min 50 secs now -- to the Internet.

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My name is Anika

And this has been my life. 

I guess... it’s time that my first communication begins.

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My feelings at 3:48 AM

I feel sad, hurt, quietly outraged.

I think my intuition is correct -- there’s no way I could be with someone who isn’t able to maintain a conversation over text during the week.

I want to understand why so many men seem to have this habit, of very perfunctory responses. 

I know that there will be someone out there who suits my needs, and is able to meet my needs.

I wonder what DM thought when he read my texts.

I imagine it did not make him especially eager to see me immediately.

I savor the times we shared.

I hope to connect with him again, in some way.

I know that it’s okay, everything that happened is okay.

I want a man like NDJ, but less evil.

I feel lonely at times.

I think about my DNA, ancestry, and the reliability of genetic personality printouts.

I feel a little better after smoking it up.

I feel like losing DM is hard.

I know that it’s not personal, though it’s hard to feel it’s not personal.

I am Anika.

I am lovely.

I am so full of love.

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 Antonio Asis   

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Nickie Zimov Industries: Nursery T-Shirts with 2 velcro

Available on dopeclvbworld.com store

legrillonrose@gmail.com

direct: instagram

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Jacques Henri Lartigue Bibi dans le château de Rouzat après la naissance de Dani Septembre 1921

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Jeremy Yong (Korean, based Seoul, South Korea) - Folk Tales Korean Tiger Paintings: Watercolors on Other, Wood and Soft

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Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Russ Meyer, 1970.

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Late night

I feel happy for girlpower.

I am able to let go of men whose hearts aren’t ready for me.

I think about my ex-bfs often.

I know that I am better off without most of them.

I wonder if EL will ever contact me again.

I doubt it, along with EG.

I worry that M has a director crush on me.

I think he might, tbh.

I feel happy when I see this cover of Pete Davidson.

I am glad Ariana Grande fell in love with a funny dude.

I want the same for myself.

I wish all men were kinder.

I hope to meet a lovely partner.

I am grateful to have the ability to see Barcelona.

I feel happy.

I am sitting at my beautiful kitchen table that’s stunning.

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@sagababy/Instagram

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Owning My Life Manifesto

1. You literally only exist on this earth for 1 life.

2. You get one life.

3. It’s okay to feel hurt sometimes.

4. As long as you wipe the tear(s) and OWN YOUR LIFE, meaning you control your happiness.

5. You consider BEING CONTENT.

6. You get int ouch with your inner strength.

7. When possible, spread good vibes.

8. Happy, sad, all feelings living.

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https://instagram.com/p/BJf9aKCDUMl/

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Sitting near the air conditioner

I wonder if poetry will save me The candle I dropped several times on Vermont Blvd (frantically picking up jagged blue glass) now keeps me calm.

Texts that don’t come distract me. Both involve men. It’s a complex, maybe.

I feel alternatingly empty and full of feeling. Mind transports to the factories where so many Chinese laborers could only dream of this life I live,

where I have the luxury of contemplating the cost of a Lyft Line and MoviePass showtimes.

Mom and Dad bore the burden so I could have this LA life.