totally-correct-tbp

[totally-correct-tbp]

Vance: Cool dog you got there.

Detective Wright: Yessir. This is Diesel, he’s our drug-sniffing dog.

Vance: Still in training, huh?

Detective Wright: What?

Vance: What?

[totally-correct-tbp]

Bruce: If you think about it in the shower, you're not over it.

Gwen: I'm apparently not over the burning of the library of Alexandria.

Finney: Is anyone?

Gwen: They shouldn't be.

[totally-correct-tbp]

Bruce: We are throwing a halloween party at our place! It’s gonna be the best thing ever.

Vance: Someone will die.

Bruce: Of fun!

Vance: And of murder.

Bruce: There’s gonna be beer, pumpkins…

Vance: Bloody goblins.

Bruce: Fake ones! It’s gonna be awesome, we have decorations-

Vance: Dead people that we just murdered.

Bruce: Not murdered, but pictures of dead people from TV or movies-

Vance: Mutilated bodies.

Bruce: Fake ones. Candy, dancing, tequila, all kinds of food and snacks-

Vance: Blood orphans.

Bruce: No blood orphans. I… I don’t know what that is.

[totally-correct-tbp]

Billy: Damn it, the power went out again.

Griffin: Don’t worry, I got this.

Griffin: [Shakes rapidly and starts to illuminate]

Billy: What the fuck.

Griffin: I swallowed a flashlight.

Billy: WHY WOULD YOU--

[totally-correct-tbp]

Bruce: I know you’re not used to this, but maybe you should just try to keep it chill and see what happens.

Finney: Great advice. Impossible to follow, but great advice.

[totally-correct-tbp]

Billy: I can't go! I'm too young to die and too old to eat off the kids' menu. What a stupid age I am!

[totally-correct-tbp]

Robin: Without you Finney, we’re just three idiots who live together.

Bruce: You make us a family.

Finney: Well, I’m like the cool rebel sibling of course.

Vance: No, you’re the mom.

Robin: Yeah, the mom.

Bruce: Definitely the mom.

Vance: Look, Finney, if you come back to us, I’ll let you clean my room.

Finney: Deal.

[totally-correct-tbp]

Gwen: If you had to separate your dog from 49 other identical appearing dogs that were all equally excited to see you, how would you discover which dog was yours?

Billy: I would take home my 50 dogs and live like a king.

[totally-correct-tbp]

Bruce: If this kills us all, I'm going to get Griffin's ghost to teach my ghost how to play the tuba just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.

Billy: I'll just hire Vance's ghost to beat up your ghost.

Vance: My ghost won't associate with your ghost.

[totally-correct-tbp]

Robin: Act tough, Finney.

Finney: But I’m not tough.

Robin: That’s why I said act.

[totally-correct-tbp]

Finney: Has anyone ever stopped to wonder how we're still alive?

Bruce: Oh yeah.

Robin: All the time.

Billy: By all likelihood, we shouldn't be.

[totally-correct-tbp]

Vance: Every major city has banned me from using their public transit system except Melbourne, Australia. I have no idea what their breaking point is, but mark my words, I will fucking find it.

[totally-correct-tbp]

[Trying to hold down a sick Vance while Finney tries to shove a spoon full of medicine in his mouth]

Finney: How can he be so sick but still so strong?!

Gwen: Like the economy!

[totally-correct-tbp]

Bruce: I’m serious. If something happened to Finney I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

Billy: Of course you wouldn’t have to because Robin would kill you.

[totally-correct-tbp]

Griffin: Hey Finney! Can I keep my lunch in your locker?

Finney: Sure, why?

Griffin: Well, you’ve got that air conditioning vent right there and it might keep it from spoiling. You know, botulism is the silent killer.

Griffin: Well, botulism and carbon monoxide. And heart disease. And obviously ninjas!

[totally-correct-tbp]

Billy: I thought you told Bruce you didn’t want to be his date to the dance.

Vance: So? That doesn’t make it okay for him to bring some other guy!

Finney: So, you don’t want to be Bruce’s date…

Billy: But you also don’t want Bruce to bring another date.

Vance: Yes! Thank you!

[totally-correct-tbp]

Vance: Bruce texted me last night saying he wants to talk to me and I know he’s gonna ask me to be his date.

Robin: Gross.

Vance: Don’t say gross, I like Bruce!

Robin: So go to the dance with him.

Vance: No, gross!