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[transatlanticismus]

I am young, I am twenty years old; yet I know nothing of life but despair, death, fear, and fatuous superficiality cast over an abyss of sorrow. I see how peoples are set against one another, and in silence, unknowingly, foolishly, obediently, innocently slay one another.

Erich Maria Remarque, All Quiet on the Western Front (via theshatterednotes)

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Poetry does seem to be especially good at certain things. For example, we are all going to die. Poetry can help us live with that.

Steph Burt, “Why people need poetry,” delivered as a TED Talk (via bostonpoetryslam)

[transatlanticismus]

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[transatlanticismus]

“Don’t feel bad, I’m usually about to die.” 

― Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth

[transatlanticismus]

the aesthetics of the gods

Aphrodite: the bruises of love bites left by lovers on necks and thighs; smudged lipstick from hasty kisses; blood red roses with their sharp thorns still intact; the way you hug someone you love when you reunite after a lengthy separation

Apollo: polished instruments gleaming, held like the most precious of jewels by their owners; a sunny day with a clear blue sky where there are no clouds in sight; the rough script of poems penned out on scraps of paper or napkins before they're forgotten; when music is so loud that you feel it reverberating in your bones; the pale lines of fading scars

Ares: the hands of a fighter, short finger nails and bloodied knuckles; split lips that have scabbed over; the smooth and intricate lines of old weapons you see mounted on museum walls; deep trenches dug out from the earth; the way barbed wire contrasts against whatever it surrounds

Artemis: loose braids with wild flowers slipped in; the majesty of tall trees stretching up endlessly towards the heavens; the wide and captivating eyes of wild deer; cloudy nights where the moon is just barely peeking through; the colorful fletching of arrows drawn back to rest upon cheeks and along jaws

Athena: the straight and steady way a soldier stands at attention; fingertips smudged with ink; a stack of books to read piled on the floor or a nightstand; eyes gleaming with the glow of new ideas; the quiet and contemplative aura of museums and libraries

Demeter: the way sunlight catches dust motes in the air through the gaps in the leaves of the trees; the feeling of life you get from standing in the middle of an orchard with bees buzzing around you; crocuses and snowdrops peeking through the last dredges of winter's snow

Hades: the bleached bones of animals in the forest when moss has begun to engulf them; the way that graveyard angels look like they're weeping in the rain; the solemn aura of old churches, citadels, synagogues, temples, and mosques

Hephaestus: the pleasure of holding something you've created in your palms; the soft glow of heated metal; the intricate beauty of cogs and gears fitting together precisely and working in tandem; the smooth and polished surfaces of high-rise business buildings

Hera: the lacy white of flowing wedding gowns; the way a couple's hands look clasped together; pairs of old wedding rings that are scratched from years of use; the feeling of surrealism that comes from looking at old family portraits; getting used to sharing a space with someone else and then seeing the mannerisms you've unknowingly adopted from them

Hermes: the way that the low beam headlights of a car touch the roads that stretch ever onwards at night; old maps yellowed at the corners from their age; the way that things rush past when you look out the window of a car or train; quick hands slipping deftly into pockets and taking what they find

Hestia: the light and protection of street lights in an otherwise dark city; the warmth of your bed on cold winter mornings; the heat of a fire as you sit around it with people you love; the comfort of a home-cooked meal

Poseidon: the way light looks when you're seeing it shine down from deep underwater; the effervescent colors of cresting waves; the eery beauty of shipwrecks; the ripples created when you trail your fingertips through still waters; dust clouds kicked up by the passing of strong hooves

Zeus: the way that storm clouds darken the edge of the horizon; silhouettes framed against the sky by flashes of lightning; the splay of feathers of a bird's outstretched wings; the polished and tarnished brass of old fashioned scales

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hades is the smell of the cold winter mornings, the smell of the pavement after it has rained, and the lingering scent left on your clothes after a camp fire. he holds your hand as you cross the street, watches the moon with you, and is sitting beside you on long car rides. he is both the coldness of your room at night and the warmth of your bed after a long day.

aphrodite is the smell of rose petals and your newest fragrance. she is the smell of the fog after a nights rain and the odour given off while romantic sex is taking place. she is the taste of your lovers lips and the feeling of your own skin after a shower. she is the butterflies in your stomach, and always has your name on the tip of her tongue. she is the one who sends you your next relationship and ends the bad ones. 

poseidon is the smell of the moist air as the water rolls over the rocks near a lake. he is the smell of the mud in a play ground and the scent of your newest body wash. he’s the one who stares back at you as you stare beyond the horizon of the sea. he is the feeling you get when you jump into a pool after being in a hot tub or sauna. 

apollo is the smell of breakfast cooking in the morning and wet wood. he is the split second of pain in your eyes from the light after being in the dark for long periods. he is the summers day spent at a park, and the excitement of remembering lyrics of your new favourite song.

artemis is the natural smell of your hair. she is both the smell of bark on a tree and your fingers after picking up a wet rock. she gives you grass stains on your pants, and blows your hair in the wind. she finds your favourite places to go and guards your place to sit. 

ares is the smell of your sweat. he smells like sand and is the scent of your father. he feels like slate and the pain of a bruise. he is the one who pushes you that one extra step, and forces you to lose your cool.

zeus smells like fire. he smells like the cold wind and your freshly washed sheets. he is the one who makes your heart pound and is the one who triggers your anxieties. he is the booming of loud music and the cracking of the floor boards at night. he watches you as you walk home in the rain.

- @antikristt

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january.

it's january and the snow coats the branches of the huge trees that surround my house. every morning when i leave the house, my fingertips get so cold that I can't feel them but it feels nice.

the snow crunching beneath my feet and the small clouds my breath forms in the brisk winter morning are a good start into the day.

my birthday was a few days ago and it felt weird. 16 is a good age, I guess. but I kinda feel obligated to /do/ something meaningful at the age of 16.

in the books I read with 13, 16-year-olds threw big partys, went out every night and had many friends with whom they experienced adventures and made road trips to the sea.

i don't know what I want from life. I have no real goal and without one, I feel like I'm floating through space, without direction, without orientation and without a grip on reality.

the days flood together and stick to the top of my mouth like old chewing gum that tastes like gray and mud and spit. the time between 11 o'clock and midnight is the only hour I feel safe.

the school year is galloping forward with too much force and speed and the furious horses drag me over stones and mountains that scratch my face and break my spine. when I close my eyes during one of my geography teachers rants I can see the star formations blinking down on me and this incredibly small world. hercule and sirius and atlas are shining down from the universe and I think of their stories and their agony.

Greek mythology is another thing from my childhood that still has its grip on me now. after reading the entire percy jackson series I was hooked and soaked up every piece of information I could find.

I think these ancient stories formed my view of the world and my understanding of things. I often wonder and stop and think of reasons for things happening.

are there gods?

the idea of only one single heavenly being makes me distressed. how could only one person manage all the sorrow and questions us small humans have?

i think i'll go to sleep and watch the galaxys inside my brain, looking for signs of life in the waste ocean of nothingness.

[transatlanticismus]

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11/02/17, today.

clarinets and whales.

a thursday.

on Thursdays I have clarinet lessons and the warm smell of coffee, paper and instruments that coats every surface of the building is welcoming.

my teacher always wears plaid shirts, neatly tucked in and straightened. his last name could also be his first name, but he's nice.

today we practiced our tango and afterwards, my fingers were sore. I might have gotten blisters once or twice, but I'm really not very ambitious.

school was okay. it's always okay or not very good. it's never great. today I learned about the genetic code and drew suns to identify what the genes wanted to tell us. lol

I didn't understand it and my neighbor and I started folding claws out of paper instead of listening.

I think the human body is fascinating but it terrifies me to death to think about the processes that unfold within our flesh while we think, dream and exist. imagining my insides makes me sick and nervous and I wonder if anyone else feels like that.

sea turtles are really beautiful. they look like hard but wobbly weirdly shaped crabs, but they move gracefully through the water and live a fuck ton of years. Whales are even more beautiful. their singing is hauntingly strange and out of this world and I would cry if I ever heard them sing underwater.

when I was little, I wanted to be a marine biologist and I read thousands of books about the ocean and whales and coral reefs and famous marine biologists like Jacques-Yves Cousteau, who invented the neoprene diving suit and was one of the first underwater movie makers. I admired his work and the colorful movies he made, but now I know that he had done some terrible things to get good shots of sea animals. one time he fed wounded dolphins to sharks and then filmed the sharks how they started to bite themselves and the water turns red because of the blood. those were the scenes you didn't see in 1900-whatever, when you went to the cinema to watch his movies. (I think it was 1960 or something)

isn't funny how I'm fascinated by the ocean but won't even hold my toe into the water if I think there could be fishes near. I fricking hate fishes. I'm scared of them and their lifeless eyes don't make it any better.

maybe one day I will go swimming in the shining blue sea without fearing for my life.

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a beginning.

this is a beginning, a new start. the first blog where I allow myself to write down any thought I may have, or dreams, or anything. it will be filled with stuff. like a diary.

how do u start a new blog? you create a new account, you click a few buttons and voilà! but what does one (me) write? I feel like a successful business person, proudly writing down their memoirs.

I'm neither successful nor proud. I'm just some angsty teenager trying to get rid of a jumbled and mixed-up mind. there are some things I love that tell a lot about me.

I /adore/ music and cinema and literature. any art form will manage to excite me lol

my friends say I'm the mom friend

I kinda cry a lot (because of various reasons, let it be actors, a small bird I saw or my cat doing something cute)

I speak four languages ( German, French, English, Spanish)

¡hola argentina!

my cat has the same name as the president of the United states and my dog is named after a Swedish cow lol

I tend to give too much information

I love food. any food.

basketball is fun, but most of my teammates suck

the name of this blog comes from the song 'Transatlanticism' by Death Cab For Cutie. it's the most heartwarming and heart wrenching song I've ever witnessed. it's the love of my life. the stars of my sky. the sun of my universe.

let's get started.

"And now that it's gone

It's like it wasn't there at all

And here I rest

Where disappointment and regret collide

Lying awake at night"

- Title and Registration, Death Cab For Cutie