transboysub

[transboysub]

Questions I Would Have Asked Myself

For my first post on this new journey, I would like to answer the questions I would have asked myself. When I first turned 18 and began exploring the kink community, I had a lot of questions. Here is how I would answer those now.

Is it harder as a trans man to find people to connect with? - I can't speak on whether it is easier or harder, because I have never been on the other end. I have never been a cisgender person searching for friends or partners in the kink community. But, I can say that it has not been easy. I am 23 years old now, halfway to 24. It was only this year that I found myself with the hardcore dom that I actually crave. I have had a soft dom for 3 years and I love him dearly he is my fiance, but finding someone willing to partner with me who is as hard as I want has been a difficult journey.

What are the best ways to explore? - As exciting as the world of BDSM is, it is actually best not to start with it. I know that for many people in the community, vanilla sex just isn't enough to satisfy, but that doesn't mean that you should just jump right into the hardcore things that you read about in fanfiction. BDSM can be dangerous if done improperly and as a trans person, there is a lot that you have to take into account. Triggering dysphoria during a scene is incredibly easy. It is important to find a partner you trust who supports you and your lifestyle before anything else. So date first, make sure you have a support system, then look into kink.

Is kinking with another trans person easier? I've never kinked with a cis person but I have had a one-night stand with one and it went further than I realized I wanted it to. A lot of cis people are kind and do not have anything against trans people, so if you are interested in cis people, that is okay. I hold no ill will against the person I speak about because I never said no and I never asked him to stop. It is not his fault that I did not communicate my feelings. After our first round, I was starting to feel oddly dysphoric and didn't really want to be having sex but I didn't communicate that and while we were going, I was turned on and into it. It was only afterward that I realized I was not mentally where I needed to be and should have stopped him. The reason this story is relevant is that if we were doing something more kink-related and I became dysphoric or uncomfortable, a cis person is not going to recognize that or the feelings that come with it and thus is less likely to check in if something is going wrong. I would feel more comfortable kinking with another trans person because they know and understand dysphoria and can recognize those signs. Sometimes, subspace makes you nonverbal and it is important to have a dom that understands you and the emotions you feel so they know when to check-in.

What titles are comfortable? This is something I simply can't answer for you. Titles are determined by your comfort. Some people are explicitly into being misgendered during kink and want to be called a bad or good girl despite identifying as a boy. Some people are not comfortable with honorifics at all. This is something to discuss and explore with your dom and yourself.

Overall, it is important to know that the #1 thing in kink is communication. If you are feeling something is off, it is safer to stop and have a conversation. If you want to try new things, step one is to communicate.

[transboysub]

Questions I Would Have Asked Myself

For my first post on this new journey, I would like to answer the questions I would have asked myself. When I first turned 18 and began exploring the kink community, I had a lot of questions. Here is how I would answer those now.

Is it harder as a trans man to find people to connect with? - I can't speak on whether it is easier or harder, because I have never been on the other end. I have never been a cisgender person searching for friends or partners in the kink community. But, I can say that it has not been easy. I am 23 years old now, halfway to 24. It was only this year that I found myself with the hardcore dom that I actually crave. I have had a soft dom for 3 years and I love him dearly he is my fiance, but finding someone willing to partner with me who is as hard as I want has been a difficult journey.

What are the best ways to explore? - As exciting as the world of BDSM is, it is actually best not to start with it. I know that for many people in the community, vanilla sex just isn't enough to satisfy, but that doesn't mean that you should just jump right into the hardcore things that you read about in fanfiction. BDSM can be dangerous if done improperly and as a trans person, there is a lot that you have to take into account. Triggering dysphoria during a scene is incredibly easy. It is important to find a partner you trust who supports you and your lifestyle before anything else. So date first, make sure you have a support system, then look into kink.

Is kinking with another trans person easier? I've never kinked with a cis person but I have had a one-night stand with one and it went further than I realized I wanted it to. A lot of cis people are kind and do not have anything against trans people, so if you are interested in cis people, that is okay. I hold no ill will against the person I speak about because I never said no and I never asked him to stop. It is not his fault that I did not communicate my feelings. After our first round, I was starting to feel oddly dysphoric and didn't really want to be having sex but I didn't communicate that and while we were going, I was turned on and into it. It was only afterward that I realized I was not mentally where I needed to be and should have stopped him. The reason this story is relevant is that if we were doing something more kink-related and I became dysphoric or uncomfortable, a cis person is not going to recognize that or the feelings that come with it and thus is less likely to check in if something is going wrong. I would feel more comfortable kinking with another trans person because they know and understand dysphoria and can recognize those signs. Sometimes, subspace makes you nonverbal and it is important to have a dom that understands you and the emotions you feel so they know when to check-in.

What titles are comfortable? This is something I simply can't answer for you. Titles are determined by your comfort. Some people are explicitly into being misgendered during kink and want to be called a bad or good girl despite identifying as a boy. Some people are not comfortable with honorifics at all. This is something to discuss and explore with your dom and yourself.

Overall, it is important to know that the #1 thing in kink is communication. If you are feeling something is off, it is safer to stop and have a conversation. If you want to try new things, step one is to communicate.

[transboysub]

An Introduction

Hello and welcome. My name is Koda and I am a trans kinkster in the queer community. I recently decided that I would like to take the time to describe my experience as a transgender person in the queer and kink communities.

This is a safe space for all adult queer and kink-oriented people and I intend to express my truth for educational purposes.

I am open to any questions you may have and I would love to hear about your experiences in the community as well. All I ask is that you be kind and remember everyone is welcome in the kink communities

A personal note: It is not my responsibility to keep children off my page. I was a teenager exploring my own body once too and I do not judge you for being interested but note that if you are discovered interacting with me under the age of 18 I will block you. This is for your protection as well as my own. Thank you for your understanding and if you are blocked and become of age you can message me on twitter to be unblocked.