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[trappered-blog]

                                that is the oldest, shittest joke in the book.                                        and i still don’t know what it means.

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@chxtterly. cont.

    becky hadn’t really known if she was going to call nell until it happened. this trapper case resurfacing, it’s disturbed a lot of shit, brought a bunch of old memories back to the forefront. most of them, she’d rather forget. 

    but then she’d gotten that message from nell and, well, some things can’t stay buried.

        ‘ i got your voicemail. ’ a beat. she wonders how far this conspiracy theory has spread, if everyone in the fucking country thinks she might be the trapper. god, she hopes not. even to memphis is too damn far. ‘ you really think i could do that? you? of everybody? ’ 

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arrowhailed | ???.

@trappered  /  call.

         “ do i look suspicious to you? ”  it’s a bit of a joke ( which comes rarely from dareth ) as he’s approached by the cop here. wait – the detective.  “ i get that a lot. think it’s the scars on my face? ”

        ‘ totally nothing to do with you skulking around, i’m sure. ’ she knows it’s a joke on his part. she still doesn’t look amused. ‘ in the dark, no less. i’d call that pretty suspicious. ’ 

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"i wish we’d met years ago." @nell

     she’s not making this easy. although, nell reminds herself, nothing about this is easy. up until now, everything had been. it’d been good without being too much- without being anything, really. except it had been something. it had been something she knows they’d both felt, that they’d both tried to ignore because of some reason or another. 

     nell’s had time over the past few weeks. her parents had taken her daughter home with them and with nolan not around, the apartment’s been quiet. she’d thrown herself back into the case as soon as they’d let her, distracting herself, hoping that once they caught the trapper, she’d feel different- better. but that time had come not a week ago, becky at the front of it, and nell stills feels the same. she’s still missing part of herself. she’s still alone.

     it wasn’t an easy realisation, but she knows that leaving is her only option. she can’t stay here. she can’t live in this apartment, can’t go to work and sit opposite an empty desk for god knows how long. she doesn’t have the strength. maybe she might’ve done if any of those reasons for ignoring what she and becky had had been valid. if she could justify doing nothing when all she wanted was to do something. 

     but she can’t. there was nothing holding her back and, yet, she kept finding something to. moments they’d both felt a pull, opportunities to make something of whatever was between them, had been brushed aside. and by the time becky had finally taken it into her own hands and kissed her, life had decided it was too late.

     they’d had their chance. and they’d watched it pass by one too many times.

     maybe if they had met years ago, they’d have taken it before it’d been taken from them.

     and maybe then she’d have found solidarity in becky marney instead of regret.

     nell’s never been good at goodbyes. and this is no different. if anything, it’s harder. she’s not just saying goodbye to becky, she’s saying goodbye to the first good thing she might’ve had in a long time. but the sinking feeling in her stomach every time she thinks about what might have been? she gets to take that with her. 

     that’s not going anywhere.

          “ yeah, ” she nods. “ yeah, me too. ”

     she looks at becky and there’s that pull again, strong as ever. and it’s really fucking hard to say no to. but it’s just another thing she has to do. it’s not going to fix anything. all it’ll do is make this worse.

      she drops her gaze, closes her eyes, and shakes her head.

          “ i’m sorry. bec, i’m so fuckin’ sorry. ”

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scriose | chris.

(   txt » rebecca m.   )     doesnt make sleep any less necessary (   txt » rebecca m.   )     You must be glad to be travelling to the land of mattress fires eh (   txt » rebecca m.   )     Wonder how much that saves them on heating

(   txt » rebecca m.   )     yeah the place with the French toast I like. Unless you have suggestions?

( msg | hickey, chris ) Nah, that’s fine. They do good coffee & that’s good enough for me. ( msg | hickey, chris ) Text you when I’m close.

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@mixestapes. call.

        ‘ you alright? ’ that’ll be the cop in her. she can’t leave well enough alone. ‘ you just look a little... ’ 

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chxtterly | nell.

@trappered | cont.

     nell’s still half in disbelief that that asshole had managed to catch her off guard for long enough to land a hit on her when she feels it. ( whatever it is. ) it’s like someone had hit pause for a moment long enough for her to realise that it was something, but not long enough for her to figure out what. and before she’d had a chance to even try, it had gone.

     before she knows it, becky’s back to cleaning her up, back to calling her out for shit-talking, and nell’s back to being reminded that no matter how many times she takes a hit, it doesn’t hurt any less.

          “ i’ve had worse, believe it or not, ” she retorts. “ and my good looks ain’t been ruined yet, right? ”

    somehow, that doesn’t surprise her. maybe it’s the twin brother thing, maybe it’s because she’s a cop and also the kind of woman who attracts a little trouble. it doesn’t matter. becky can completely believe that nell’s dealt with worse than getting punched. 

    all the more reason to give her shit, if you ask her. 

        ‘ i dunno. you were a good eight and a half before. now you’re more like a two. ’ nell gets a look here, all of a sudden. it’s not an i actually think you’re a ten or anything, more of a stop moving, you asshole. ‘ that’ll have to do it. you definitely love the sound of your own voice too much for me to do any more. ’ 

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assuredofthis | lt fick.

( @trappered  /  cont. )

        this is all very…pleasant, isn’t it? he’s being polite, she’s being polite—only nothing much is being said, of any significance, because nate has no real answers for her, and is even less willing to spill the corps’ secrets like candy at halloween. he wants to help, sure; his entire job is to stop bad guys doing bad things, and that’s not so different to what the police do.

        but this is his territory.

        and if she thinks he’s not analysing her in return, she’s got another think coming; nate’s hardly an expert, he doesn’t know how to profile, but he’s pretty good at reading people. and he knows how to survive an interrogation much worse than this.

        ❝ perhaps you’d prefer to speak to my commanding officer, detective. i can get you his number. ❞

    it’s always rough, dealing with the military types. especially when there’s more than one of them. she gets looking after your own-- hell, she’s police-- but, jesus. these guys really take it to the next level. you’d think she was trying to frame them or something. 

    fuck. with all those rumours going around about her, fick might have every reason to think she is. ( fuck that asshole calvary. every time she remembers the shit he’s done to make her life more difficult, she’s almost happy he’s dead. ) there’s no time to linger on any of that, though. she’s got a job to do.

        ‘ right. captain schwetje, isn’t it? we already spoke. ’ and she wishes that was a lie. the guy’s an asshole, no doubt about it. becky needs to decide how it is she wants to play this, what’s gonna get her what she wants to hear. can’t just sit and gawp while she makes her mind up though, can she? ‘ he had some choice things to say about you. ’ a beat. ‘ and your boys. the sort of things you might wanna set straight, now you’ve got the chance. ’ 

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afraidofchange | stella.

    “I didn’t think you stayed for my wonderful vocabulary, sweetheart,” Even amused with herself, Stella leans back in her chair, which creaks under her weight. She doesn’t mind Becky. For a cop, she’s not all that awful. Besides, a friend on the side of the law can be helpful. Sometimes. Besides, it makes being at this dumpy diner a little easier. 

   “What’d they get you doin’ this time?” She’s curious of course; it’s harder when she becomes the topic of discussion. “Heard Dotty’s granddaughter’s gonna be having a baby in June. Hopefully it mellows that cow out.” Even before she’s into the tequila, Stella is all no-holds-barred. Still, she takes a good swig from her glass, lets the burn settle. 

        ‘ jesus. ’ becky shakes her head, takes a swig of her beer. there’s no judgement here-- hell, she’s not really allowed to judge, is she? she has said far worse things about calvary, for one thing. even after he got killed, and riggs started talking about him like it was some terrible loss. you just don’t get there with some people. but she’s not gonna ruin the mood. ‘ hate to think what you say about me behind my back. ’ 

    she takes a bite out of her burger while she considers what she has to say about work. truth is, she’s still struggling to get half the precinct to look at her and not see the trapper. it’s awful. she feels awful. sometimes she really does wonder if it was her after all, and she really is going the same way as her dad. it’s terrifying. but she wouldn’t. she wouldn’t. 

        ‘ overtime. it’s a killer. ’ she’s used to it, doesn’t even mind it much. but becky needed something to bitch about that wasn’t the truth. ‘ nothing says happy holidays like half a dozen unidentified bodies, huh? ’ 

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just because i genuinely cannot be dealing w/ the fact that all my live action icons are w/ katie w/ her hair down: becky wears her hair up almost exclusively? she also dresses like a cop. like, she’s one of those people where you can tell she’s police just from looking at her honestly? the same can be said abt her bein gay it’s real obvious. 

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me & tess: we have made gays. also me & tess: we fucked up perfectly good gals is what we did. look at them. they’ve got Nothing.

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i feel like i’m being analysed.

SAN JUNIPERO. accepting.

    to be fair, he’s absolutely being analysed. it kind of comes with the territory and, if he’s hoping to throw her off with a little comment, it’s not going to work. still, she won’t get anything out of him if he’s all on pins and needles. 

    she smiles. it’s not wholly friendly. 

        ‘ you can fix that pretty easy, lieutenant. just talk to me. properly. ’ 

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can you just make this easy for me? ( from nell )

SAN JUNIPERO. accepting.

    easy, she says, and she has to stop herself from laughing. that’s what this has always been, hasn’t it? easy. a little too much, actually, by the sounds of things, because now they have to figure out where it is they stand and– well, she knows from experience that things could ( probably will, knowing her track record ) go from easy to complicated as all hell real fast. 

    becky isn’t normally one for nerves, for butterflies, for whatever it is that trails its fingers across the back of her neck now and tries to send a shiver through her. then again, it’s been a damn long while since she last felt like she connected with anybody– and it’s there, isn’t it? obvious as anything, bright as day? something. 

    something good. 

    something that doesn’t have to turn all of this good into a big fucking mess. 

    that’s the push she needs. becky takes the small step forward, cuts through all of that thinly veiled flirting they’ve been doing for the past… too damn long, and kisses her. it’s a little gentler than nell might’ve expected, she doesn’t doubt, but that doesn’t make it weak. once she’s sure nell isn’t about to pull away– and even if she does now, it’ll be a shame, but becky won’t stop her– her hand settles at her neck, and her eyes fall closed. 

    and she may like to think she’s not one for butterflies, but she’s sure as hell got ’em.

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SAN JUNIPERO SENTENCE MEME.  feel free to change context / pronouns as applicable. 

gotta love that track!

could you please stop it?

we’ve only got a couple of hours, so let’s use it.

you’re good at this.

i just wanna get my bearings a bit.

see you around?

go along with whatever i say!

okay, you’re just pestering now.

sorry for killing you.

if you don’t already know what _____ is, you probably don’t wanna know.

i’m regarding you.

i feel like i’m being analysed. 

i guess now they’re just kind of a comfort thing.

i figured they were kind of a fashion statement. but then the rest of your outfit is… not.

people try so hard to look how they think they should look.

you’re authentically you.

do you live here?

oh, my god! we have to dance to this!

dance floors aren’t my thing.

oh, let’s not limit ourselves.

why did you run away?

you were like a frightened horse on a frozen lake back there.

i’m kidding! … half kidding.

folks are way less uptight than they used to be.

if they were staring, it’s because i am bodacious.

i’ve never been on a dance floor.

what are you, like, amish? that’s one sheltered existence you’ve got there.

as far as my family’s concerned, i can’t do anything.

no one knows about even half the shit i get up to.

it’s from a place of love, though, right?

just the concept of me enjoying myself would blow their minds.

what would you like to do? that you’ve never done?

why waste time sitting here?

i’m, uh, i’m engaged. i have a fiance.

wanna go to bed with me?

oh… you’re nice.

can you hear me out? please? please.

look, i don’t want some kind of boring romance, okay?

it’s not just sex.

it was just sex.

we made a connection.

waiting for someone?

shall we dance?

can you just make this easy for me?

you never slept with a woman before?

i was in love with him. i really was in love with him.

i really was in love with him… but he chose not to stick around.

she’s worth the shot, right?

i’m sorry, i’m looking for someone.

why are you here?

i was looking for you. where did you go?

how the hell is this your era?

you don’t know who i am! you don’t know what this means!

this is not fun, okay? this is not fun! 

maybe you should feel bad. or at least feel something.

how many of them are dead?

i said i wouldn’t… i don’t know, do feelings. 

i don’t want to like anyone. so you’ve been just totally fucking inconvenient.

i wasn’t prepared for you, for wanting something.

i’m getting married.

you sure you’re going through with that?

i know he pities me. that pisses me off.

without this place, i never would’ve met someone like you.

if we really met– i mean if we really met– you wouldn’t like me.

i’ll give you some privacy. 

you’re ____? holy shit.

let’s go grab a coffee.

wanna marry me instead?

are you sure you’re alright?

you didn’t dress up to see me?

oh, i love it here! i just love it!

be with me.

stay here with me.

can we just enjoy tonight?

who can even make sense of forever?

hey, it’s real! this is real.

come on, you know that was just a gesture.

it’s not so kind to leave.

we got this chance! i just wanna share it with you. 

he could have stayed, but he chose to leave you.

you don’t know what you’re saying.

you should be mad at him, not whipping yourself with guilt!

you can’t know the bond, the commitment, the boredom, the yearning, the laughter, the love of it! the fucking love! you just cannot know!

did you think to ask? did it occur to you to ask?

you think you’re the only person who ever suffered? go fuck yourself.

i wish i could believe he’s with her now, that they’re together, but i don’t. i believe they’re nowhere. gone.

you wanna spend forever somewhere nothing matters?

i’m out! i’m gone! 

all things considered, i guess i’m ready. 

i guess i’m ready for the rest of it. 

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hey, i’m snoozing but ! like this for a starter after i’m back from class tomorrow.

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afraidofchange | stella.

   It’s an assumption sure, but Stella’s from a time where big families were the norm, though she understands not talking to your own when things weren’t the greatest, or if you were cast out. Still, she shrugs, links weathered hands together atop the table.

   “One at a time, slow and steady wins the race and all that bullshit actually works,” Of course, she’s partly bullshitting herself, but who cares? “No, no judgement at all. Hell, order all you want, kiddo. I ain’t got anywhere else to be.” Just an empty house and a driveway to shovel. “Besides, I’m sure they’ve got you runnin’ your pretty little ass off at the precinct these days with the idiots on holidays.” 

        ‘ you’re right. but don’t think i missed your choice of words. ’ another smile, here, to prove she doesn’t really mind. hell, this is why she likes stella. she’s a character. a little grouchy at times, sure, but it’s nothing becky isn’t willing to put up with. besides, there’s something nice about spending time around other women like her, right? or any women at all, actually. god knows she doesn’t work with any anymore. stella is kind of killing two birds with one stone... in the nicest possible way. 

    still, becky’s flagged someone down to supply them with food and booze before you know it, and it’s all up from there. ‘ today was... ridiculous. but, hell-- let’s not talk about that. how’re you doing? ’