trashcandroid

[trashcandroid]

soulmates 😍

[trashcandroid]

my gf’s kinda lookin really hot today ngl 🔥🔥🔥

[trashcandroid]

Did a brand new kind of bowling shot today

we called it the "trust the Force Luke" shot or the "through God all things are possible" shot

[trashcandroid]

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

[trashcandroid]

i was at an event last night in california and i went to the bar to order wine bc wine was like, a thing, and i looked at the menu and saw i was completely out of my depth bc idk any wine names, so i turned to my right and there was a man in a gorgeous suit standing at the bar beside me and i said “do you know anything about wine?” and he said “a little, yes!” i told him i liked white and dry wines and asked if he’d order for me. he asked the server for two glasses and had one poured for each of us and then he clinked his glass on mine but he didn’t take a sip, he just watched me taste mine and then he asked what i thought and i said “it’s pretty good, but like i said, i wouldn’t know.” he laughed and told me to have a good time & i walked away. fifteen minutes later i found out he’s the winemaker.

[trashcandroid]

Yeah hey mom I know it's been a while since I called. I have bad news. My cigarette broke in half. Yeah.. yeah Google said no way to fix it either

[trashcandroid]

[trashcandroid]

[trashcandroid]

they should invent tech issues that other people have experienced and solved

[trashcandroid]

they call themselves cinephiles but they aren't even fucking the movies

[trashcandroid]

[trashcandroid]

What's the opposite of "fuck my stupid baka life" ?

[trashcandroid]

[trashcandroid]

at the company holiday party and a buddy proposed "suicide via throwing yourself into the alligator moat at the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid, irrevocably changing the lives of dozens of horrified onlookers" as the coolest way to die which was the most inspired thing i've heard in a while

[trashcandroid]

Would you rather have a Phineas and Ferb summer or a Gravity Falls summer?

would you rather have endless fun forever or have satan attack you every day

[trashcandroid]

say what you will about the reserve bank of india these are some cracking coins

[trashcandroid]