traumasurvivors

[traumasurvivors]

I know it’s easier said than done, but you don’t deserve to feel ashamed or angry at yourself because you were too afraid to speak up when you were being abused.

It’s normal. It doesn’t mean you deserved it or wanted it.

I encourage you to think about what you’d think of someone else in your position. Would you blame them? I think that’s unlikely. You’re just as deserving of compassion. I promise. Please be compassionate with yourself.

[traumasurvivors]

You don't need to find reasons to explain why something hurts you. If it hurts you, it hurts you and you don't need to justify why it hurts.

[traumasurvivors]

You are absolutely allowed to grieve for the childhood you should have had but didn't. You are allowed to grieve for the things you missed out on. You are allowed to be angry, hurt or any number of things.

I hope that you are able to give yourself some of those experiences now, even if they seem 'silly', but that doesn't erase that you should have had them when you were a child. You should have received so much comfort, love and care. You deserved better.

[traumasurvivors]

hello hello! would you consider it weird if you’re also chronically ill and decided to stop seeking treatment since you’re so sad after having a traumatic year?

I don’t think it’s weird at all. I think it can be a normal response. Being sad can be so incredibly draining.

I’m sorry if this is about you and you’ve had a hard year. If treatment helps, I hope you’re up to receiving it again soon but you aren’t weird or anything for stopping.

[traumasurvivors]

I also lost around 20 years. I only started living a few years ago. I’m not meaning you can get them back. But just that you can still make a good life for yourself. I’m happy now, and I think I have good things ahead of me. I have myself the space to grieve but I also, for me, need to believe that it doesn’t have to define my entire life. I can still make good things for me.

I want you to know that if you lost years of your life as a result of your trauma that it is not too late to still have a good life. It might not be the life you thought you’d have, but it can still be good. You’re going to be okay. 

[traumasurvivors]

Often, the healing after trauma can be harder to deal with than the trauma itself. And that's okay. You aren't broken, weak or wrong for that. It's normal.

[traumasurvivors]

It's such a weird feeling to realize that I started out this blog saying 'Hey, I'm 23 ' etc etc.

Like... later this year, I'll be writing that number in reverse.

It's amazing how big a part of my life this blog has been. Like a quarter of it is... Kind of wow.

[traumasurvivors]

Someone else having it 'worse' does not make what you went through any less valid. It doesn't mean your feelings matter less. It doesn't mean that what you endured wasn't abuse.

The bottom line is you should have never had to endure what you did.

[traumasurvivors]

Thank you for answering the kink ask! :)

I'm so glad it could be helpful to you!

I did end up making a blog to talk about kink, and trauma and how sometimes trauma can affect kink stuff for me. I said I wouldn't bring it up again, but honestly, a lot of my anxiety about it is leaving because while I've gotten some hate about it, most of the response has been so supportive and validating and I'm less anxious about sharing it.

The blog is @traumaandkink if anyone wants to check it out. I won't talk about kink topics on this blog because it is a trigger for some, and I totally get that! So I've made a space to talk about my experiences with them.

[traumasurvivors]

Thank you so much for your response to kink anon. Idk if you're receiving negativity for it, but I wanted to send you something positive so that you're reminded of how much of a difference you make in people's lives. There's a lot of shame around these topics, especially for traumatized people, so it's actually really meaningful to hear you affirm that it's ok, actually. I really love your blog, so hearing this from you specifically meant something - I'm sure it did the same for many people. Remember that your positive impact far outweighs the negative opinions of others, even if people don't say it. You matter, and it's always nice to hear your opinions, truly. ❤️

I did get a little negativity, but overall, most of the response has been really positive. And it's been so validating. Thank you! <3

[traumasurvivors]

is it ok to reblog your ask replying to the kink anon? I don’t want to send more discourse your way if your struggling with it

It’s totally fine, anon.

I love the feature to turn reblogs off so I do that if I’m not comfortable!

Also, while I’ve received some nasty asks about it, the response has been mostly positive and it’s been nice to find a bit of community!

I appreciate you taking the care to ask but you’re all good! I definitely utilize the “no one can reblog” feature when I feel a need.

[traumasurvivors]

Could try to do a beef stroganoff

Huh. I’ve never done that without ground meat. I can see the appeal of trying it with something else. 🤔

[traumasurvivors]

I’ve honestly found this helpful with my trauma stuff too.

Oh, this trauma that happened to me isn’t valid? But what about the other people it’s happened to? Well, of course they’re valid. It’s only not valid because it’s me. But… why am I so special? Why am I the ‘exception’ to the rule?

This usually leads to me going “huh, if they’re valid I guess I am too”.

Love this post.

Since I'm therapist-posting recently:

Legitimately self-compassion is the biggest mental health life hack of all time. I'm NOT talking about self-esteem. You do NOT have to like yourself one bit. You don't have to believe that you're a good person who deserves good things. You just have to believe that you're a person who deserves the things all people deserve.

You can't get from "I'm the Worst" to "I'm a worthy and lovable person" without passing through "I'm just a regular fuckup like everybody else."

Try it on. If you're really addicted to being mean to yourself, you can start by framing it as I'm Not Special. Embrace being a regular fuckup like everybody else.

[traumasurvivors]

Totally unrelated to the previous conversation, but it's 1:30 am and I can't sleep lol.

I was given some stewing beef (yay, exciting truly because it's expensive and I'd never buy it myself), and I really want to make it in the slow cooker, but I don't want to do a regular stew or beef barley which are really the only two things I've made in the past.

I'm trying to find recipes on google, but thought that I might throw this out there and see if anyone had any suggestions!

[traumasurvivors]

not the anon but your last answer honestly made me cry with relief. I love your blog and I’ve always felt so seen by your posts but I had this underlying sick feeling like if you knew what I did in my personal life you would think I was dirty or not one of the people your posts were meant for

I’m really glad I pushed through my anxiety and answered it.

I don’t think you’re dirty at all. My posts are absolutely for you too 🩷

And also, thank you for sharing this. It was a welcomed ask after all my anxiety about answering that last ask. Because it making a difference to you makes it worth everything.

[traumasurvivors]

do you think I’m dirty if I participate in kink? I see so much hate in the trauma community about it and it just makes me feel so ashamed

I don’t usually answer stuff about this topic because it’s so controversial, and I’m anxious about the amount of hate I get already but it’s also important to me.

More details about the topic below the read more. I do know this topic is a trigger for some.

You are not dirty. At all.

I’ll even do the big scary thing and admit you aren’t alone. I also participate in kink. I’m actually in a relationship that is considered TPE 24/7. I’ve never admitted that on this blog because of the negativity and judgement. But I also used to judge. I used to think it was abuse automatically.

I used to judge and I also used to use kink as a means of self harm, which probably is a huge part of why I thought so poorly of it. I don’t anymore. Everything I do is consensual and my partner and I love each other so much and I’ve never felt safer.

I’m honestly not going to judge anyone that participates in kink so long as it’s consensual (and this means everyone is capable of consent - minors can’t consent for example) between all parties involved.

As someone who felt so alone in this, this topic is important to me. Part of my shame was I hid away and this meant I didn’t learn about safely doing things. If I hadn’t felt so ashamed, I might have been safer and possibly prevented a lot of the hurt I caused myself. But I didn’t feel safe to talk about it because I saw so often how “wrong” it was.

I’m prepared to lose a lot of followers for this and get hate for it but it’s started to become really important to me for others to know they aren’t alone and that they aren’t dirty or wrong for it. You don’t deserve to feel ashamed. It isn’t shameful. I just hope you’re being safe.

It’s also really important to me to answer this because I believe this shaming culture surrounding kink in a lot of spaces is causing so much harm. People do get lured in by people looking to take advantage of them. And then being too ashamed to talk about it means they don’t realize that what’s happening is wrong. I’ve found most of the kink community is really quick to call out actual abuse and in our local community, people get banned from events and everyone knows who they are if they cross a line. But people aren’t necessarily going to realize someone is abusing them, or that they’re being pressured into things they shouldn’t be if they’re too afraid to talk about it because of the controversy.

You don’t deserve to feel ashamed and I really, really hope you have a safe place to talk about it. All that said, I’m happy to talk in messages on my personal @aprilthebiqueen. I’m happy to talk about concerns you have or even just be someone you can talk about it with because you feel lonely. I’m not a professional or anything like that. Just a peer here to help you not feel alone. (This offer isn’t just open to anon. Anyone can feel free to take me up on this.)

[traumasurvivors]

Just because they aren't treating you 'as bad' as someone else doesn't mean you should just have to accept it. It doesn't mean you should be thankful for it. It doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be upset about it. You still deserve better. You don't deserve to be treated 'not as bad'. You deserve to be treated well.