trolloled

[trolloled]

=> Your scrabbling against the wall takes several precious seconds for you to steady yourself again, cursing your body's frailty all the while.

=> When you regain your footing, the other troll is... what the hell is it even doing? Projecting a cartoon? They look indigo... is this some sort of highblood palm-television?

"Fucking highbloods... A pal/\/\ ╪elevision."

=> Your look jumps back to the 'zombie'. Its sole eye flicks to the cartoon on display above. 'The show... I want to see my... my show...'

=> It stumbles forward slightly, and now you can with every 'breath' it exhales, a cloud of spores comes floating out. Looking exactly like the rest of the dust floating all around you.

"How ╪he hell can you care abou╪ ╪V? Have you seen a /\/\irror?"

=> You back off while saying this, nice and easy, one hand ready to draw from your strife deck.

=> 'I need to see my show....' 'It comes on soon, I need... to get my dinner ready....'

=> It staggers, looking back at both of you.

=> 'Guests... I need to make dinner for... for guests... for my show...'

=> It stumbles, one leg sliding across the floor, before it turns down the other arch in the hallway, footsteps slowly receding.

=> You're busy brushing off your clothes fruitlessly as you keep backing towards the door.

"Like a sick parody of whoever i╪ used ╪o be... Is ╪ha╪ even ╪he original body?"

=> You shake your head.

"Poin╪s for ini╪ia╪ive, s╪ranger, bu╪ le╪'s ge╪ ╪he hell ou╪ of here. You said you could close ╪his place off ╪e/\/\porarily?"

"We inhaled so/\/\e of ╪he spores earlier, need ╪o ge╪ checked ou╪. Ugh. I hope ╪he cure isn'╪ ipecac."

=> This whole building will need to be locked down, roads blocked off, until this colony can be researched and destroyed safely. Not to mention putting down whatever that thing was. Garsad will be thrilled. He'll get to actually work with his hands again.

You don't respond to that, as it's obvious but you don't blame him for saying it.

"Yes." You agree with the quarantine statement. "I can set up something temporary."

You could set up something more permanent, but that would draw questions you don't want to answer. Let Xrumon take the lead; your purpose is to assist trolls, after all. It's their planet.

Then he stumbles, and it surprises you enough that you can't catch him, your eyes nearly flicking to green on black. No. You can't afford that, he needs to think you're a troll or he might panic or lash out. Not that you'd be bothered, but that wouldn't be conducive to his survival.

Ah, a mushroom zombie. You relax a little. Certainly something of an unusual type, given its apparent connection to a wider network, and whatever is going on with the TV side of things, but you've seen and killed those before.

"Nothing on TV, hm?" You murmur. "I wonder...do you want a show to watch?"

Would that provoke it, or distract it? At least if it attacks you, that's fine.

You make an executive decision, and raise a hand to create a small projection out of green light. Such things are easy for you, and it assembles itself in moments on the ceiling of the hive, a simple moving picture of cute cats playing with each other.

You have no idea what Xrumon will think, but right now that's secondary to buying him time to get up and get out of here.

[trolloled]

"Yeah, no shi╪ I would. I'/\/\ no╪ a wriggler."

=> They do have a point about fungus networks. The ability to communicate across distance without needing direct contact...

=> You snap out of your thoughts, quickly following after them. Down the hall, the thudding grows louder as a silhouette appears in the darkness, dimly lit by the light coming from the other troll.

=> 'Nothing on...?' 'Nothing on...?' 'Nothing on...?' 'Nothing on...?'

=> Is it... speaking?

"/\/\i/\/\icking speech? I╪ can'╪ possibly unders╪and wha╪ i╪'s saying..."

"Hell. ╪his isn'╪ good. ╪his place needs ╪o be quaran╪ined."

=> You stump down the hall towards the front door, abandoning any pretense of stealth as the footsteps approach you from behind, the foggy voice growing louder and louder, always repeating the same thing.

=> Then your cane hits a particularly unkempt piece of flooring, probably weakened by water rot, and slides out from under you as you stumble, banging into a wall and tumbling.

"Shi╪! Fuck!"

=> As you spin to try and catch yourself, you get a glimpse of the approaching figure, finally hitting full light:

=> It's a troll. Or at least it was a troll at one point. Wearing a grotty looking red overcoat, torn and rotten looking jeans, and shoes that have long since scraped themselves to pieces. Their skin is a waxy yellow, orange tinges flaring in their fingers and around their eyes, hair turned nearly white.

=> The more unsettling part would be the variety of mildly conical looking mushrooms erupting out of their body. Some have pushed through their ribcage and out of their clothing, one forearm was mottled in them, and an entire eye had been replaced by a long flowery looking cap. In one hand hung a television remote, a thumb absently sliding over the power button.

=> The sole, cloudy eye glances over both of you. 'Nothing on...?'

You obey, taking and storing the sample in seconds with a clean slice from serrated claws of your 'gloved' hands and then immediately cover it in a protective metal casing before putting it in your sylladex. Faster than a normal troll could move, but you're not fussing over details right now.

"Don't be so sure." You say, all traces of humor gone, tone serious as you get back up. "It might be intelligent enough to deceive us about its progress. Or it might feel it doesn't have to move fast to catch us, which isn't any better."

"I imagine it's linked to the fungus, yes. Mycelium networks exist for normal mushrooms; not a stretch." You say, moving out of the room quickly to go back the way the two of you came.

"Let's move. I could run and carry you easily, but I'm aware you'd justifiably hate that."

You'd pick him up and bolt if you had to, but that's a last resort. You're not out here to be demeaning toward him; he's had enough of that.

[trolloled]

"...Yes, bu╪ be quick and careful abou╪ i╪. I can'╪ exac╪ly drag your unconscious body ou╪ of here if you /\/\ake i╪ shoo╪ sleeping fungus par╪icles a╪ you or so/\/\e shi╪."

"Going back wi╪hou╪ any╪hing ╪o analyze would /\/\ean /\/\ore fu/\/\bling in ╪he dark."

=> The steps overhead are slow and uneven, seeming to somehow move in time with the flickering of the television.

=> You pull yourself straight upright again, wishing for the millionth time you had the body you did five sweeps ago. Young as it was, anything was an improvement over feeling your muscles straining with most movement.

"If i╪ were so/\/\e sor╪ of guardian, surely i╪ would /\/\ove fas╪er ╪han ╪his..."

=> You move over to the doorway, leaning against the wall and peering down the darkened hallway.

=> A series of thumps alerts you to whatever-it-is-upstairs is now becoming whatever-it-is-downstairs. There must be a staircase you can't see this far away, especially without that stranger's light.

"I╪'s co/\/\ing ╪his way. Did i╪ sense us? Is i╪ linked ╪o ╪he fungus?"

=> You think you can hear something being said, but the voice is foggy and distant sounding. Something something 'nothing on'. Nothing on?

"I can take that." You say, politely not pointing out the (almost nonexistent) odds that this is all mundane. Whatever he wants to tell himself to stay calm.

You pretend to take gloves out of your sylladex. In reality, you're rapidly growing a thin, flexible layer of fibers and metal over your hands.

The former is the same kind you use for your hair, in fact! Only now repurposed so that you don't ruin your skin on fungi. You have to pick this off corpses and refurbish it! That takes time.

Unfortunately, the only flesh you can make with your nanotech is spongy gray stuff that's honestly a bit sad. Skin never comes out right.

Anyway, you kneel down carefully. Time to gather mushrooms. Hopefully this does not provoke a Random Evil Mycology Event.

Though you pause right before doing so, and take a closer look at the stain.

"Well, I'll be - you're right." You say, intrigued and unbothered. "I wonder if that's worth trying to collect too. And I don't either - mostly because a lot of mushrooms look very similar."

Then come the Obvious Stepping Noises. You look up at the ceiling.

"Still think I should take that sample? Or would you rather get out of here."

Whatever's in this hive is probably just oogie boogie nonsense like a messed up zombie with arcane radiation or an amalgam or something. Possibly something more inspiring, should you be so lucky.

But regardless, Xrumon's safety is the priority and you don't want to annoy whatever it is into trying to choke him to death with spores or something.

[trolloled]

The Overseer

Report: #02

Designation: Anomalous-Entity-01, "The Overseer", AKA "Steve"

Classification: Global-Apocalyptic

Status: Not Contained, Hostile

Physical Description: AE-01 displays itself as the body of a male troll from the chest up, typically without a shirt, although when possessing certain portraits, it will assume the clothes of whomever is depicted. No lower body has been observed. Where the face of the person should be is instead a void, with the edges of the face appearing to crumble into pieces of skin and sinew. This same 'disintegrating' effect is visible on the shoulders of the figure. Two white spots of 'light' exist where eyes would normally occupy. The figure has neither hair, ears, nor horns.

Location: [REMOVED]

Containment Procedures: The hive located at [REMOVED] is to be monitored twenty-four hours per night via motion sensors and an intercom device. All persons approaching the hive will be ordered to leave. Persons refusing to leave are to be referred to Legionnaire ALPHA for immediate forced removal. The first floor doors and windows are to be barricaded against intrusion. Barricades must be simple and should not damage the building whenever possible. Barricades may only be placed by persons authorized by Legionary Council Member 01 and with their personal attendance. Devices and barricades are to be checked and repaired weekly.

At this time, containment procedures are inadequate to prevent escape of AE-01. They exist to mitigate civilian casualties.

AE-01's known proxies are as follows:

AE-01-a: Possessed mannequin dolls. These are the same as typical mannequins displayed in clothing stores, albeit the ones possessed by AE-01 typically bear signs of damage or degradation. Typical signs of damage include burns across the chest and arms, an unidentified 'rot' spreading across the whole of the body, gunshots, and denting from blunt trauma.

AE-01-b: Possessed armored suits. These are the same as decorative armor and weapon pieces as found in multiple noble and royal dwellings. The insides of the suits are entirely hollow, and although their weaponry is meant to be decorative, there is evidence that they can be used as lethal weapons despite this.

AE-01-c: "The Stranger." An unknown troll that made contact with Legionary Council Member 01. The troll's face was not visible due to their clothing, which consists of a full set of dark blue robes with a design in red thread across the front of it. The design is not able to be described. AE-01-c is capable of thought and speech, and thus far is the only known proxy with these properties.

Anomalous Properties:

AE-01 possesses multiple anomalous abilities. These include:

Object Possession (Complex)

Teleportation (Unknown Limit)

Dream Possession

Remote Surveillance (Methodology Unknown)

Space Relocation (Architectural)

AE-01 almost exclusively acts through identified proxies (AE-01-a, AE-01-b, AE-01-c). AE-01 directly intervenes against intrusion into its perceived home located at the uppermost floor of [REMOVED]. Attempts to reach this location have resulted in a near total fatality rate.

AE-01 reacts aggressively to hostile actions directed to either its proxies or its hosting location. Conversely, individuals that move to defend the hive location appear to be given some manner of lenience or protection. If enough work in service of this maintenance is performed, AE-01 appears to cease aggression against the individuals in question, with proxies acting as silent observers near them rather than with hostility.

AE-01 is capable of rearranging space and architecture within its main location. Attempts to reach the upper floors of its chosen space result in rooms 'changing' as persons enter and exit them. Additionally, the third set of stairs leading up appear to go on for a theoretically infinite amount of time. No persons have been observed able to find the end of the third floor staircase.

AE-01 is capable of intruding upon the dreams of those who have been in some form of contact with it. However, there is limited data on what AE-01 performs when possessing a dream.

AE-01 is likewise able to teleport individuals once they enter a doorway. It is not known what the limits to this ability are, including what doors it can and cannot affect. The effect is immediate upon fully exiting the door chosen for teleportation. Returning via the same doorway is not possible, as effect ceases once individual is teleported.

Finally, AE-01 is able to possess portraits within [REMOVED]. These portraits will assume the likeness of AE-01 once possessed. It is theorized this may allow AE-01 more complex possession powers on those directly observed.

AE-01-a: The primary possessed objects used by AE-01. The source of their creation is unknown. Samples are unable to be collected without jeopardizing the safety of Legion members, however, it is known that AE-01-a will accept replacement parts from mundane mannequins purchased from factories. AE-01-a appear to 'hunt' trolls. AE-01-a sightings noticeably increase in areas with large missing persons cases. It is theorized that when caught by AE-01-a, the targeted troll is taken to the 'home' of AE-01. AE-01 ignores all remote observation devices given to AE-01-a. [Not that we know if we can even get a damn signal if we strapped a Go-Pro to some poor bastard's head] AE-01-a are destructible through conventional methods, and instead rely on sheer numbers to apprehend designated individuals. It is not known what determines an individual to be worth 'hunting'.

Additionally, AE-01-a only move when unobserved by a sapient being. This may indicate some form of quantum instability, wherein AE-01-a's "true" position only becomes known once observed. Legion Research advises against testing of this theory by keeping one eye open while blinking with the other. [Garsad: Don't fuck with it. I just know doing that will just piss it off.]

AE-01-b: These appear to be 'defensive' proxies. They remain at AE-01's location, only moving to defend against perceived threats. When not possessed, the weaponry of AE-01-b is entirely decorative. Once possession takes place, any held weapons are transformed instantaneously into keen edged weaponry, as if freshly sharpened or crafted. AE-01-b are highly mobile, and are not held still by observation.

AE-01-c: Very little data is available on AE-01-c. AE-01-c may act as a 'diplomatic' proxy that exists to convert, coerce, or otherwise deal with individuals unable to be hunted by AE-01-a. As with AE-01-b, AE-01-c is able to move while being observed. Additionally, AE-01-c may be capable of teleportation, based on testimony offered by Legionary Council Members.

[trolloled]

Kormut, are you ever worried about the fleet trying to recruit you, or do you think your curse would stop them from being successful?

Why wou~d it stop them?!! That wou~d be horrib~e...!! So obvious~y I'~~ be recruited eventua~~y...!!

I worry about it, uhm, sometimes...!!

But there's nothing much I can do about it, you know?!!

So it's not worth worrying, um, about, yeah?!! I've just accepted it at this point...!!

[trolloled]

Gerrel, how did you end up working in a mine that one time?

! was y*unger and m*re desperate, ! needed the m*ney t*... !mpress... pe*ple that ! l!ked at the t!me.

They needed b*d!es. Pretty much any b*d!es. They were t** cheap t* pay f*r aut*mated equ!pment, s* gett!ng !t wasn't the hard part.

! am merely grateful ! left w!th all my l!mbs !ntact. *thers cann*t say the same.

[trolloled]

Argumi, what's your favorite thing to do when you hang out with Glas?

Well, | persxnally l|ke tx make fun xf hxrrxr mxv|es w|th them. |t's l|ke uh, MST3K but persxnal, yxu knxw?

Plus |t's st|ll super ch|ll, even |f the mxv|e m|ght be l|ke, f|ve percent scary. |t's a n|ce way tx unw|nd frxm pretty much everyth|ng else gx|ng xn.

[trolloled]

Xrumon, between balancing your job, Legion, and Amprus's project, when the hell do you sleep?

I ge╪ abou╪ four ╪o six hours each day. /\/\os╪ly five. Righ╪ a╪ ╪he spo╪ where everyone's also asleep before ╪he /\/\oons co/\/\e back up.

I've slep╪ for four sweeps. Now is ╪he ╪i/\/\e for being awake.

[trolloled]

Legion Threat Class Designations

Legion Threat Class Designations are organized as [scale]-[destructive potential] on a scale from local - universal and safe - EOS.

Scale

Local: Entity affects a limited area, typically only a small number of lawnrings or dwellings. Potential damage is limited and may be dismissed as part of normal nightly death counts.

Regional: Entity may be able to affect a continent, but cannot reach the known world without further assistance. Potential damage is high in scale, may be met with military force if not contained.

Global: Entity can feasibly affect all of Alternia simultaneously or quickly, entity has no known limitations on movement outside of being restricted to one planet. Potential damage will result in military force or outside interference.

Universal: Entity has no known limits and can affect all of known space if not contained. Potential damage may be apocalyptic.

Destructive Potential

Safe: Entity does not act on its own or only reacts defensively. Destruction limited to stupidity of persons intruding on it or acting carelessly near it.

Destructive: Entity acts on its own and is capable of aggression against sapient beings, either by its nature or intentionally. Entity could feasibly destroy small groups of trolls or isolated military units.

Catastrophic: Entity meets above criteria for aggression. Entity is capable of destroying large populations with minimal risk to itself, either due to fortitude or Entity's ability to act unnoticed. Entity could feasibly destroy or damage unaware military units but would be overwhelmed with concentrated force.

Apocalyptic: Entity meets above criteria for aggression. Entity can destroy entire continents of populations with minimal or no risk to itself. Military reaction unlikely to affect Entity in way that will endanger it, but still possible.

EOS: End-of-Species. Entity acts intentionally to destroy known life and has no regard for its safety, either due to fortitude or otherwise. Entity can obliterate military units as easily as civilian populations. Entity hypothetically capable of resisting tactical nuclear strikes or other worst case scenario weapons of mass destruction.

Examples:

Local-Destructive - Entity is confined to a limited area, primarily affecting only 1 - 5 lawnrings. Entity is capable of destroying local population. See: Rampaging herd of musclebeasts.

Universal-Safe: Entity cannot be contained and has access across known universe. Entity incapable of or unwilling to act aggressively, instead harming only those acting recklessly near or with it. See: airless vacuums.

Universal-EOS: Entity cannot be contained and will work to destroy all known life. Military action impossible. See: The sun exploding.

[trolloled]

=> You feel your blood pressure increase slightly. No. You will not respond to this brainrot. They didn't say it. It simply never occurred.

"A sa/\/\ple of one of ╪he /\/\ushroo/\/\s would be ideal."

"If i╪ can be s╪udied in a con╪rolled environ/\/\en╪, ╪ha╪ would ╪ell us /\/\ore."

"In ╪heory, ╪his could all be perfec╪ly /\/\undane..."

=> You take another look around the room now that they've properly entered. You get a bad feeling about trying to find a proper light to turn on, sometimes there's safety in staying in the dark.

=> You bend (knees obliging with soft cracking) down to take a look at the liquid pooling into the rug. You don't do something insane like reach out and taste it, though, you just squint at it.

"I╪'s no╪ blood. I've seen bloods╪ains before, ╪his is ╪oo ╪hick."

"And I don'╪ recognize ╪hese ╪ypes of /\/\ushroo/\/\s, al╪hough I'/\/\ no╪ /\/\uch of a /\/\ushroo/\/\ specialis╪."

=> Not without your suit to bitch about particles in the air anymore anyway.

=> The hive creaks again, then once more, then- those are what's called footsteps on the upper floor, not creaking. You tense immediately, hearing the steps slowly plod across the ceiling. The television flickers on and off again.

You don't bother responding to that, merely looking at the tealblood with sardonic amusement. Obviously no one's been in here to leave something on; he's deluding himself if he thinks that's what happened.

There's a slim chance someone's recently been in a different part of the hive, but speaking as potentiality incarnate, you don't like the odds for that one.

"Fine with me." You say, pleasant, because that is honestly ideal.

You could easily carry him away from danger or shield him, but as anyone with half a brain knows, avoiding problems is better than having to solve them.

Not that you're naive enough to think that him hanging back means everything will be fine. Oh my, no.

You brighten your floating orb a bit to give a wider range of light for both of you as you move forward, taking in the room's sorry state and the impressive samples of mycology hanging about - though you are careful not to step on them in your cute black shoes.

"Ah, a fungus among us. Something is sus in the state of this hive. I'd be shocked if there isn't something in that TV, something in the mushrooms, or both. The thing is - it doesn't seem to be aggressive at the moment, and we don't want to provoke whatever it is. Though I'd also bet that stain is blood, so perhaps that's a moot point...most relevantly, if these mushrooms spread, that could be a problem. What do you think we should do?"

[trolloled]

The Unthinkable Machine

Report: #01

Designation: Anomalous Object-01, "The Unthinkable Machine" [Workshop this title with Avanti or Amprus]

Classification: [Garsad - We need to actually come up with a classification system. Something basic. I'll pen this one as a literal 'Locally catastrophic only' for now]

Status: Neutralized

Physical Description: AO-01 is a thirty meter (approximate) tall, twenty meters wide metallic object, constructed from a disparate array of various metal objects, such as gears, cogs, screwdrivers, bolts, screws, lugnuts, small statues, scuttlebuggies, abandoned electronics, etc. Ferrous and non-ferrous materials are in equal abundance. The structure itself is shaped haphazardly, with parts distributed with no clear pattern across it. Parts begin to taper off near the top of the structure, resulting in an obelisk-like shape.

Anomalous Properties: AO-01 is a cognitive hazard to all persons in a massive radius surrounding it, encompassing a local lawnring and a few royal undersea dwellings due to the structure's location. Individuals affected by the object perceive the structure's circumference as a landfill and feel compelled to use it as such. All non-metallic objects are absorbed into the structure over time, including all observed biological matter (food, assorted waste, corpses of both animals and trolls). Metallic objects will adhere to the structure and gradually pass through it, expanding its size over time and maintaining the illusion of a progressively growing landfill.

Neutralization Log:

During observation by remote unit ALPHA, one still living subject was thrown into the landfill, albeit badly wounded to the point that death within a few hours would be certain. Subject made contact with pillar when initially placed. After ten minutes elapsed, subject was observed convulsing as wire and rebar began to protrude through the upper torso. Five minutes afterwards, subject regained consciousness and began to scream.

Fifteen minutes afterwards, subject was silenced as a substance (hypothesized to be some manner of lubricant or oil) filled the entirety of their mouth, quickly coating the ground.

At this time, observation unit ALPHA was ordered to terminate subject. ALPHA deployed firearms to no effect, all bullets and casings were absorbed into AO-01 via the subject. ALPHA deployed flamethrower apparatus to no effect, although resulting injuries revealed extensive replacement of subject's endoskeleton with parts similar to AO-01. ALPHA deployed explosive ordnance [Please do not give Alpha more grenades - Delete comment once you acknowledge this] to mild effect. Shrapnel from device was immediately absorbed into AO-01, however, shockwave appeared to render subject either deceased or unconscious.

After one hour, subject (Designated AO-01-a) became animated. Rather than forming into a daywalker, subject appeared to have retained some form of self. Subject assumed a standing position next to AO-01 and cried profusely for the following ten minutes.

Legion Leadership [Suggest we rename ourselves to a council, it just sounds better. And by that I mean less stupid.] authorized neutralization of AO-01 and AO-01-a. Unit ALPHA determined standard approach non-viable due to metallic construction of the unit, along with lack of effect from conventional weaponry, and instead deployed RS Countermeasure device. AO-01-a immediately collapsed on deployment, with no signs of further movement. AO-01 remained visually unchanged for a period of 6 minutes and twenty two seconds. Following this, a fissure opened within the structure. Unit ALPHA's visual logs record [I'm cutting this part out and keeping it strictly need to know, and no, Garsad, you don't need to know unless we see something like this again] ending in collapse of the structure.

Locals seen investigating area afterwards did not appear to be cognitively affected by AO-01 any longer. Audible remarks are made wondering what happened to the "landfill" and the "foreman" (tentatively designated AO-01-b, unobserved). After civilians depart, unit ALPHA retrieved samples of structure remains for further analysis.

Analysis of remains determine metals are consistent with consensus reality expectations. Location marked on map for return observations on a one-perigee interval.

[trolloled]

"I'd assu/\/\e i╪'s /\/\ore likely so/\/\eone lef╪ a radio or ╪elevision on so/\/\ewhere. You know. So/\/\e╪hing sensible before we ju/\/\p ╪o 'ghos╪s ╪ha╪ haun╪ your old be╪a/\/\ax player.'"

"...Bu╪ ╪here's ╪oo /\/\uch dus╪ here for so/\/\eone ╪o have co/\/\e by recen╪ly."

=> You gently wave more of it out of your face. You wish you'd brought some proper safety goggles as well, you're going to need a shower after this.

=> You glance at them when they offer going first, jerking one shoulder towards the corner.

"Sure, I'll be righ╪ behind you. Way behind you."

=> Your grip on your cane tightens somewhat. This still wasn't at the level of calling for help, it could just be a vagrant left something on after pointlessly breaking in somewhere else.

=> You take a small peek into the room, just for a second. You spot well-worn furniture, like the kind found in most living blocks, if most living blocks were inhabited by trash gremlins.

=> The couch is a mess of ruined leather and tears, pushed up against a wall. A fallen bookcase covers most of the floor, the books that used to line it scattered everywhere, but you can't catch any of the titles from your glance. A few pictures on the walls are knocked askew, a crooked lamp rests uneasily against one corner, and a television sits in the middle of the room.

=> In the brief moment you looked, it flickered back on, hissing static, before turning back off, but that wasn't really your concern.

"Fungus."

=> An unidentifiable stain of some sort of liquid had been spread across the carpet near the television. Growing out of it was an ungodly amount of mushrooms, almost forming a trail, leading from the torn couch and up to the on-and-off media device.

=> The hive creaks ominously, as if sensing your thoughts. But that's stupid. It's just the wood settling.

You hum in amusement.

"Are the specifics that important? We have something else to do right now, and I'm quite set on the cash front."

Not a suspicious statement, given you are supposedly purple.

Hm. Should you take out a mask too? Would it look suspicious if you don't? Decisions, decisions.

You decide it would look stupid of you not to, and you don't need Xrumon thinking you're an idiot who can't live up to what you say. Not that his opinion of you bothers you in the slightest, but this will be slightly easier if he doesn't think you're a complete moron.

So you follow suit a few seconds later with, of course, a higher tech one that melds itself smoothly to your face. You don't need it a bit, but admittedly it will be nice to not have whatever-this-is floating around in your mouth.

"Very annoying." You agree, perfectly sincere. "Sapience is helpful if it aids in communication. But it certainly doesn't ensure reason." You agree dryly.

Definitely a real pit in here as your orb sheds light on the place, bobbing along as the pair of you move, not that you're anything of an interior designer.

You go still as he asks you to listen, large ears flicking up to try to catch the sound better as your eyes go slightly wider. Oh, yes, he's certainly right. You can make noises like that, machine that you are, but this isn't you.

And you don't like that.

"Mm. I wonder if it's an entity using tech as a medium to manifest, seen that before. Or if this is just the sound it makes naturally. Regardless. Where would you like to check first? I don't mind going ahead, if you'd prefer." Your voice is still quiet, just in case.

If anything you'd prefer it, to keep him safe, but it's his call.

[trolloled]

"How perfec╪ly vague. Wha╪ever, if you wan╪ ╪o be a bodyguard, fine. /\/\os╪ people charge for ╪ha╪."

=> You wave more of the dust in the air (You think it's dust) away from your face as you cough. The particles are thick and white, dancing gently around you.

=> You take a basic breathing mask from your fetch modus, stringing it around your face, and your breathing eases. You're too busy with this to notice the lateness of their 'sneezing'.

"I can only answer any of ╪ha╪ if I ac╪ually find i╪. So/\/\e╪i/\/\es ╪hey can unders╪and people. So/\/\e╪i/\/\es ╪hey don'╪. So/\/\e╪i/\/\es ╪hey can and don'╪ care."

"╪he ones ╪ha╪ don'╪ care are ╪he wors╪. You can'╪ bla/\/\e a /\/\indless ani/\/\al, bu╪ so/\/\e╪hing ╪ha╪ recognizes your exis╪ence and s╪ill ╪ears your a╪o/\/\s apar╪ is so/\/\e╪hing else."

=> You step cautiously into the building. Unlike your old hive, this place didn't even have the pretense to appear regal. It must have been on old lowblood dwelling.

=> The hallway's walls were cracked from either age or a bad foundation, or maybe both. The wallpaper, some sort of olive drag striped abomination, peeled in many places. Old webs were stuck to the corners that the light illuminated.

=> The hall had three exits, one to the left, another further along and to the right, and a final room at the very end you couldn't identify yet.

=> Ambling inside, you strain your ears to hear anything. You think there's a faint sound of static coming from somewhere, but it's just quiet enough to make you wonder if it's just the beginnings of tinnitus. You hold a hand up as you pause before the first exit.

"╪here's so/\/\e╪hing buzzing. Lis╪en. Like an old ╪elevision se╪ lef╪ be╪ween channels."

"They're not all bad. But I'm not about to defend them either."

GAIA has their uses - you respect what they do, to an extent - but you can't blame Xrumon for how he feels.

You merely smile at that. You'd like to see the 'spooky thing' that could hurt you, a spookier, weirder thing that doesn't make any rules.

Then you hum, amused.

"We all have our jobs, don't we? And if you shot me it would be pretty funny. For me. Let's say I can defend myself - and you if needed - quite capably."

You realize a second too late you should also pretend to sneeze. Achoo. Hopefully that's convincing.

Hand behind your back so he can't see, you draw out a small, floating high-tech orb of light out of yourself and bid it to float in the air, casting a decent circle of illumination around the two of you as you step forward into the dust.

"Interesting question, man of creaky knees - does this entity, if that's what it is, have ears? Can it understand language? Does it care to? What does it want, if it's capable of wanting anything?"

As you muse, voice intentionally kept low just in case, you keep a sharp eye and ear out for anything coming.

[trolloled]

"╪hey don'╪ care for any╪hing of value, as far as I'/\/\ aware."

=> You mildly note that they dodged the implicit question of their name by simply not saying it. Whatever. You're not here for anyone's life story.

"/\/\os╪ people wi╪h func╪ioning fron╪al lobes /\/\igh╪ ╪ake fro/\/\ /\/\y warning 'pissing off spooky shi╪ will hur╪ you', bu╪ I see we can'╪ all be as na╪urally gif╪ed as I."

"And wha╪ ╪he hell do you /\/\ean, 'you'd be in ╪rouble'? You say ╪ha╪ like you ac╪ually give a da/\/\n abou╪ /\/\e. A ╪o╪al s╪ranger. Who could shoo╪ you a╪ any /\/\o/\/\en╪."

=> The freaks of the world must have a contract stating that they absolutely must crawl out of the woodwork to bother you everywhere.

=> Grumbling and muttering to yourself, you reach the door and try the handle. It squeaks a little under your grip, and the knob rolls loosely.

"╪ypical. Shoddy /\/\ain╪enance."

=> You grip the knob more forcefully, pushing your shoulder into the door to force it back into position temporarily as you turn it. The door rattles, then creaks loudly as it opens inward. You immediately sneeze as a thick layer of dust is kicked up by the breeze of the night.

=> Your eyes narrow. Nobody's been squatting here if the front door is this dusty.

"Well if you wan╪ ╪o ╪oddle along af╪er /\/\e, I sure hope you bo╪hered ╪o bring a ligh╪. Or did you wan╪ ╪he /\/\an wi╪h creaky knees ╪o go firs╪ and give us away?"

"Oh, no. I try to stay off their radar." You say, entirely honestly. "I don't think they'd care for me much."

Sure, you know one (1) GAIA representative but Glas knows better than to snitch on you, or you'll ditch them. Besides, GAIA has much bigger problems than little old you. If anything maybe you'd get a pat on the back for disposing of Inshii (no, but the image is funny).

"Oh, you know. I like a souvenir."

You proceed to explain nothing, as is one of your greatest skills.

"No, I don't want you killed. I'd be in trouble if I let someone die in front of me."

Also true. Your protocols would make you experience pain - rare moment for you - if you resisted saving a non-imperial troll who was in danger.

And Ullane would never let you hear the end of it. Besides, you like Xrumon.

You follow obediently after him, keeping a sharp eye out for anything that might approach or attack the two of you.

[trolloled]

=> Ghost hunters in bushes. You hate this planet.

"If you're one of ╪hose GAIA /\/\orons, you can piss off righ╪ now. No╪ice /\/\e no╪ breaking ╪he door down ╪o ╪he creepy hive. ╪his is an exercise based on 'in╪elligence.'"

"And if you're no╪, ╪hen wha╪ ╪he hell do you /\/\ean '╪ake a pho╪o and /\/\ake fun of i╪'?"

"If i╪'s any╪hing worse ╪han a ghos╪, i╪ /\/\igh╪ jus╪ kill whoever-you-are for ╪he fun of i╪. Da/\/\ned a/\/\a╪eurs."

=> The last thing you need is this fool making things potentially worse. Take a photo indeed. You'd be more depressed about being the only one taking this seriously if sixty percent of the time the rumors turned out to be actually nothing, with thirty-five percent being 'weirdo shut-in keeps playing video games too late and loud.'

=> You turn your attention away from them and back to the hive, one hand curled around your cane. You could call Alpha in if it was something serious, but you couldn't waste its time on goose chases. You start limping towards the door. Maybe it was just helpfully unlocked.

"Do /\/\e a favor: ╪ry no╪ ╪o ge╪ bo╪h of us killed if you're going ╪o hang around. /\/\y friends /\/\igh╪ apprecia╪e i╪."

"Not guilty."

You say. And you are being honest! Not you this time.

Who knew you'd run into Ullane's guilt complex/friend who has your darling offspring Alpha.

"In fact I was also wondering that very thing."

Whatever it is is good at hiding, because you haven't found it yet. Granted, you are also trying to not start more cryptid rumors to avoid confusing things, so you're sticking to troll form and playing vaguely normal-ish.

"I don't think it's ghosts, but beyond that, not sure. If do I find it I want to take a photo and make fun of it for getting caught."

Sucks to suck. You almost never get caught.

[trolloled]

Darling beloved will you forgive me if I inflict a highly amusing whim of fate on Xrumon in a reply

yeah sure this might as well happen

[trolloled]

"╪his is asinine. Reduced ╪o inves╪iag╪ing 'spooky ru/\/\ors'?"

"A proper ou╪fi╪ would have infor/\/\an╪s for ╪his, bu╪ no, we have ╪o be funded wi╪h paper scraps and well wishes..."

=> You jab the end of your cane into dirt of the moderately overgrown lawn you stood in. Then you go the extra mile and use the cane to squash an errant tick you spot.

=> This wasn't quite the boonies, but this is farther from the city than you've been in a while. Garsad had pointed out that there was an unusual amount of chatter online about 'spooky shit' happening out here. Strange noises, lights, the usual crap that plagues every fright fest.

=> You doubted it would be as good as that suddenly overgrown forest that Alpha had looked into a few weeks ago. Now that shit, definitely a sign of some asshole fucking with the rules. You sigh. Not like this.

=> You glance to the hive in question, with its windows shuttered, paint somewhat fraying, and complete lack of signs of life. You look down the path towards the rest of the lawnring. You look back at the rustling in the bushes nearby, right hand moving reflexively towards your shoulder.

"Who's ╪here? Are you ╪he idio╪ spooking ╪he local yokels?"