troubledhusband

[troubledhusband]

Compromise.

Is it when we ask for help while also supporting the need of help in order to meet the goal?

I interpret this in my marriage is “You cook, I clean. I throw the trash out, you get all the trash together. I fold the laundry when you put them in the washer/dryer.” Or Vice-Versa.

With my marriage: 80/20.

She cooks whatever she wants to cook, leaves all of it behind (saucepans, mixing bowls, seasonings, leftover ingredients). I am in charge of getting all of it together to be washed, throw away the leftovers, put the cutlery/cooking ware in the sink and the seasonings back to the rack.

I eventually go to a 9 to 5. Come home and either clean by vacuum, dusting, reorganizing, and washing things. She on the other hand, uses things and leave it all behind. Things that I have tried before:

Ask nicely to put the things away she used.

Show her politely and engage her to do it.

Remind her to not forget first request.

Expresses dissatisfaction and offer a resolution.

Strongly expresses the simplicity of the task and remind her with intense volume.

Give up. Just do it and move on. <- I am here.

I have had a pointless conversation with her tonight expressing my frustration. That all of her reasoning has reach the point of invalidity. “Being tired, busy, depressed, frustrated and confused” isn’t acceptable anymore. I pleaded to her to be a better person (not as a wife because she said it is a “daunting” task and a “tall order” to fill) to benefit not just my needs but her future as well.

Nothing seems to click with her. She still refuses to compromise and that a part-time job, school classes, business ventures, and miscellaneous activities had left her with no time. She cannot make time for any other things other than what she has now. That I have to bend-over to her needs and compromise for her.

Whatever it is... I said I am done. With the relationship. If I am unfair to ask one task from her, what is fair then?!

People have expressed to me that it is my fault for having her this way. I accepted that partially, for she was born with fortune and a silver spoon in her mouth and all of her responsibilities were school and to graduate. I blame the family of hers that is rich for her spoilage. She, as an adult, thinks that it is okay for someone to watch over her and pick up after herself. Am I her nanny? Her personal financial department and her maid? Her driver and assistant?

Compromise.

[troubledhusband]

Friday night.

Once again.

Alone. Tired. Exhausted.

Alone (but not really, the 2 dogs are here!) again cause she isn’t here. Not so much as a surprise to see her leftovers, plates, dishes, trash and laundry are out again. I picked up the trash and cleaned up the kitchen/dining table. We now have roaches and I want to prevent them from spawning more by keeping up with the cleaning. Can she do it?! No because she has no time. No time to clean because “reasons”. “I’m tired. I have martial arts class. I have work. I have school.” Or the usual “my fingers hurt. My shoulders hurt. My medications aren’t working. I have ADHD, Bipolar, and arthritis!”

Again... reasons. But I have a reason for her: “I’m Lazy. I wasn’t told growing up to clean. I was rich and we have maids. I relied heavily on my mom for money and my maids to clean for me.”

Tired because I wanted to get overtime. For the fact that California is helluvalot expensive to live into is an understatement. Its crazy expensive! I also have a splitting headache from flu symptoms. I don’t think I have the flu just yet. I have 50 hrs. for this week only. Guess that means more overtime to break even!

Exhausted from letting a woman who swore an oath to the law to be a faithful wife just become an acquaintance that I dont want to have. A person who I dont respect anymore. Exhausted from keeping this relationship from crashing into a bad ending. Exhausted thinking about being alone and apart and how good it is right now to be like that everyday. From my opinion, “if I am the breadwinner, there should be a mutual understanding that the house chores and responsibilities are split by the both of us.” This week, I payed for the apartment rent, car payment, internet, car/rent insurance, and gas/electricity. That is well over $2500+ from my pocket. For her responsibility, her own med. insurance and our phones. Since she isn’t making that much, she misses payments and gets us behind.

No more of this nonesense. I’m too tired to speak about things and to exhausted to care anymore. I still have my homework from school, an major essay draft due in 2 days, to build and finish.

She is out there somewhere with her “friends”. Only her “happiness” is important. Not the husband at home trying to make ends meet.

[troubledhusband]

First post.

Well. Who am I?

A husband, a student, an employee, an apprentice and a lonely person.

Im pretty much busy with work/school/wife that I have no days off other than Sunday. But work feels like home, and home feels like work. I have a wife with different opinions in life and as well as outlook to responsibilities. I work full-time and attend school part-time. I have no kids but I am blessed to survive on a daily basis.

My faith has been obscured from everything that “God has plans for all of us” has become very gray for me.

Do I love my wife. Yes, absolutely. But lately it has been fading out. The sensation of being more of a personal assistant rather than a husband is overwhelming. Topic more to follow.

That is me for now.