trueaffections

[trueaffections]

you already know babe

[trueaffections]

park that car. drop that phone. sleep on the floor. dream about me.

muses. pinterest.

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with LUNA JUAREZ ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? hey, y’all, it’s lulu. i���m a vip server and i have been for, like, i guess close to two years. time flies when you’re killing it, i guess! streets are saying it’s been the most profitable 24 months the place has ever had, but what do i know, they don’t let me see numbers. all i know is i’ve seen enough to pay off my camry, so i can only imagine what’s hitting bruna’s checking account. you’re welcome, queen!

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others? i drink palomas now. before i worked here, i used to love making all my friends do jaegerbombs with me, but that’s apparently trashy or fucked up or something. or so i was told by one of my junior managers. who’s to say. so anyway, palomas, which are nice. it's a decent amount of liquor and it kind of tastes like you’re thinking about a sweet tart. i kinda just like the color. it makes my tan pop, right?

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? dirrty. my girl, xtina. stripped was probably the number one album of my childhood home, my mom and my sister were both fucking obsessed, so they raised me right. i was her for halloween like, three times.

what’s your most iconic night out memory? everybody is fucking lying to you if they're not talking about tulum in these. you get these people out of the country and they lose their minds. i'm not messy enough to air it all out in 4k, but the freaks know who they are. i liked the night we went to that place with all the bird statues. dinner was loud, drinks were strong, and i ended the night in the bed i wanted to be in. i sleep better when we're all being so real, the drama is good for my rem cycles.

what’s your craziest rideshare story? i once got in an uber on one date and left it on another. i'm being so serious. i was doing drinks and dinner with this finance guy, who was only in town on some kind of bender, and it was not the vibe i thought it'd be. i thought it'd be like, one magical, crazy night, but he just wanted to talk shit about a bunch of people i didn't know and show me pictures of his car. i wasn't feeling it, but when the night ended, he had already ordered a ride to this condo, so i went with it. making small talk with the driver was more pleasant than the entire night had been with this other guy, so i just let the loser go home and brought the uber driver back to the strip. and he could fucking hang! i mean, until he couldn't, he was asked to leave for breaking dress code and allegedly selling some guy molly out front. but i'd rather have that than boring.

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close? i used to work at a wendy's in high school, wore the hell out of that little red polo, and i'm nothing if not loyal. chicken nuggets and a frosty, a little salty and sweet.

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? let's do it!

truth or dare? dare! i want a dare.

show me your instagram search history. oh, that's boring, i think it's mostly, like, nail shit and little updos. our uniforms are definitely better than the last place i worked, but i still like to shake things up. we're gonna ignore that middle one, that full ass first name last name search for one of our lovely vip hosts. i mean, you know how things move on the strip. i like to keep tabs on things. like you haven't done the same!

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with SCOTTY MERCER ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? my name’s scotty and i’ve been a bartender at eden for a little over a year.

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others? i used to drink a lot of beer, but i've kind of given up on that. i'm on a sex on the beach kick right now. i'm still exploring though, keeping my options open. a signature drink is a big commitment, you know?

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? greedy by ariana grande. or anything off of dangerous woman, really, if you’re looking to get a thirty-year-old white dude flipping an imaginary ponytail over his shoulder.

what’s your most iconic night out memory? i used to do like, dumb backwoods shit, y'all. there was one year, a bunch of our friends were back for christmas, and it started snowing when we left the bar, so we loaded up my buddy's truck and went tubing. which was incredibly dumb, by the way, i got thrown off the tube almost instantly, but i don't know. those first few minutes, when you were just drunk and going fast as hell? that's gotta be the closest you can get to flying.

what’s your craziest rideshare story? I’ve only been in like, three ubers, and they were all pretty unremarkable, but i used to carpool about an hour both ways to go visit an, uh, friend of mine when she was in college. we were at different schools, and i was going to see her more than her me, so me and this guy i went to school with who’s girlfriend went to the same school as my friend would take turns driving back and forth to go visit them, split the cost. and we did that for all four years of college. we didn’t really talk much, i guess about the weather or basketball or whatever, but i didn’t have a lot of guy friends, so i took what i could get from him. our last drive was out to graduation, and at the end, i go to say goodbye, because i figure this is it for us now. and i say, you know, good to hang out, or whatever, and he said “sure thing, seth.” in four years, he hadn’t learned my name. an uber driver can’t cut you like that.

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close? i like sonic. it was the closest fast food to where i grew up, we’d literally just drive out there and get drunk in the parking lot and sit and eat tater tots for hours. when i was teaching, i think literally all that i had getting me through most days was knowing i’d be allowed to get a happy hour slushy on my way home.

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? sure!

truth or dare? I’m boring, i pick truth.

what’s the craziest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself? oh, i actually have a really good one! last time i went home, i heard that like, half of my graduating class thinks i when i moved down here, it’s cause i had some sort of breakdown and joined a satanic sex cult. which is at least like, 2/3rds wrong, right?

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with SIRI BOWDEN ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? my name is siri and i'm a vip server. i've worked here for three and half years.

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others? my favorite drink is a manhattan. chilled, in a martini glass, i think it looks stupid on the rocks. reeks of insecurity. i'll sometimes ask for tennessee whiskey instead of rye, when i'm really trying to make it clear to the bartender that i know what i'm doing. shows i'm about business. i usually just drink white wine, but i've found it makes one almost too approachable.

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? breakin’ dishes by rihanna. i miss her so bad. not only is it an incredibly sexy song, it's like, cathartic to get to twerk in unity too, because i think we've all been there. plus, i like watching all the guys get a little nervous, because they should be. 

what’s your most iconic night out memory? i once got to ride in a helicopter with some guy. i don't think it was like, his helicopter, but he definitely had a better hook up to it than anyone i know, so credit where credit is due. it was actually a really nice sort-of-date, because i couldn't hear any of the 20 questions he asked me over the blades...

what’s your craziest rideshare story? i have been known to throw elbows at the uber checkpoint. you know, like when they set up at the end of the street to just take drunk people home all night? i may or may not have gone a little overboard a few weeks ago when we were trying to get a ride to the girls' house. we were coming out at the same time as a bachelorette party, and there was only one uberxl left. we travel best as a pack, it's a nightmare to try and figure out who's going in what car - and don't get me wrong, i'm part of the problem, i'm the first one crawling to the back row to snag seats for me and jack, but it's a delicate balance, so we were getting that fucking van. ultimately, i figured "whatever, she's getting married." when she's somene's wife she won't be sitting around stewing about some bitch who tore her sash over an overpriced ride in a toyota highlander.

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close? i don't crave fast food, but i will put away a bag of tortilla chips. that's the perfect drunk person snack. just dry, you can get a dip out for appearances, but i know what i want. just plain, corn tortilla chips.

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? okay.

truth or dare? truth. i don’t like to waste my daring.

what is your toxic trait?  i'm sure a number of eager and obviously stable young men in southern florida would really jump at the chance to lay this one out, but i guess i could give them a hand. i have been told i have a nasty attitude, i'm argumentative, i'm pathologically closed off, but you guys keep coming back for more, so i guess it's not all bad, huh?

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with LAZLO NABIL ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? lazlo, bartender. i’ve been bartending for years, but i’ve worked here for maybe a year. that's the longest i've been in one place in a while, i must like it or something.

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others? i like a negroni. as an industry professional, i'd say it's the closest thing to a perfect drink, uh, flavor wise, but i also really like that you have to drink it slow if you want to really enjoy it. it's kind of beautiful, a drink that forces you to take your time, stay a little longer. not rush on to the next. i like to sit with it for a while - after a couple of shots, obviously.

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? get low. i don’t like a lot of the music here, i’ll be honest – it’s not bad, just not my taste, you know? but i like that one. It’s fun, and people go crazy for it. i like any song that makes the girls scream and start dancing, right?

what’s your most iconic night out memory? ah, so hard to choose just one. the first clubs i went to were all in berlin, and that was a lot of fun. you're not supposed to talk about it though, did you know that? they get very protective of their privacy, they say discretion is the key to making a truly free nightlife scene work. i figured its a good point: you can definitely tell, there's something about what it does to a person's inhibition, when they know nobody's going to bring it up in the morning. we could do with a little more of that here, no?

what’s your craziest rideshare story? i don’t really use them. i  bike to work and i bike home, or walk, if biking is, uh, not an option. but the ubers, man, you have got to watch out for them. i almost got into an accident with one a few weeks ago, they cut me off and i had to roll into the median, and she stopped to make sure i was okay. which was nice and everything, but after about thirty seconds, her passenger started yelling at her! he had reservations somewhere where the call time was more important than making sure they didn't commit manslaughter on the way there, i suppose.

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close? kebab. i know a place by the pier, which is genius, because it's the perfect food to carry around. i think the walking is almost more important than the food though. it's like an adventure. plus, it gives you a minute to... [mimes a fingers to lip joint gesture]

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? do you promise?

truth or dare? truth.

what is your toxic trait? ha! what if i have none? just kidding. i guess you could say i'm indecisive. i'm not good at committing, i like to live in the moment. i'll sort out tomorrow later.

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with ELI LANCASTER ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? hi, my name is eli and i’m a server. i’m coming up on one year – do we throw a party for that, or is that redundant, since we’re already throwing parties every night? 

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others? oh, i suck, i’m usually just a white claw girlie. so basic. i like a margarita sometimes, if we’re doing cocktails, but that’s a lot of ingredients to wrangle when a seltzer gets the job done, you know?

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? coming of age by maisie peters. i’m pushing that one hard right now, for sure. i like shawn mendes a lot too. i made my sisters go see him with me a few years ago.

what’s your most iconic night out memory? we used to throw bonfires all the time, cause i grew up at the beach, and there was one year a bunch of tourists had complained about us, so they had some kind of neighborhood watch that was really cracking down on us. the closest i ever got to getting caught, i had to literally go underwater in a cave to hide. just kind of hanging out down there in my jean shorts, holding my breath, praying there aren’t any guests in there with me. isn’t that so stupid? all that trouble, over a little dry humping. crazy. and i probably still went and did it again!

what’s your craziest rideshare story? one time i was out at some bar i definitely shouldn’t have been in with my boyfriend, and we called an uber, because he was at least responsible about aiding and abetting underage drinking. and i would get nervous and shove in behind the driver so i wouldn’t have to talk to him and blow our cover. i’m keeping it lowkey, i’m not making eye contact, we drive in silence for a few minutes, and then the driver out of nowhere is like “hey, eli lancaster, how are you doing back there?” which is the most terrifying fucking thing a stranger can say to you when you’re already paranoid in the backseat of his car. until i realized it wasn’t a stranger, it was my cousin. i mean, statistically, i have a big enough family in a small enough corner of north carolina that it shouldn’t have been that surprising, but he scared the shit out of me – and my boyfriend, who i honestly think deserved it a little for not recognizing his profile picture.

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close? i just want mozzarella sticks. i get drunk and my body craves fried cheese. i’ve almost burned the house down more than once trying to bake them while under the influence, so i’ve had those privileges taken away, but i that’s why i have so many beautiful roommates. to help me make mozzarella sticks. 

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? do i even have a choice?

truth or dare? i’ll do a truth.

what does the last text that you sent say? my last text… was to phoebe, and it’s me asking her what color uniform we were supposed to wear tonight. and since we live together, and work together, and have all the same friends, if you scroll through our text log, it’s literally just me asking her over and over what color uniform we’re supposed to have on. i messed it up once our first month here, and i learned my lesson. never as an adult have i felt more like i was pulled into the principal’s office…

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with HAYDEN SCHIPPER ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? hi, my name is hayden schipper and i’m a bottle girl at club eden. i’ve worked here for, like, three years, but i took a little sabbatical in the middle. i moved to palm beach with this guy, it was a whole thing.

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others? i like to order tequila slammers, because it’s super fun to say and it tastes like sprite. i really like sangria too, i think that's my favorite to make. you just pour it all in a pitcher. it’s annoying to cut up all the fruit, but sometimes i cheat and just use the frozen stuff. 

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? me against the music. cuntyyy. i mean, love britney, obviously. free britney. but the first time i saw the music video, i thought it was really power that britney would do that one specifically with her mother. i know who madonna is now, obviously, but i still think it’s really sweet. 

what’s your most iconic night out memory? i woke up on a boat once. i love boats, typically have no problem with boats, i just hadn’t realized i got on one the night before. they were apparently staying in bimini. i had to call bruna and tell her i was going to be late cuz i had to wait for us to dock, and then for the next ferry to come and get me. those guys took some really sick pictures of me before i had to leave though, it kind of all worked out.

what’s your craziest rideshare story? i once had an uber driver tell me she could sense something very powerful had attached itself to my aura. i mean it. and i had no idea what she was talking about. at the time? i was shaking. i couldn't believe it. i think that was, like, my spiritual awakening. and the really crazy part is she was literally right.

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close? arby’s, bitch. they have the meats. i actually just get curly fries though. big one. and a jamocha shake. and then i lie to my trainer about it. he usually figures me out, but it’s kinda hot when he scolds me about it, so i don’t mind.

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? duh.

truth or dare? let’s do truth. shed some light.

do you kiss and tell, and if so, care to tell us about a recent kiss? i think kissing and telling is so important. it can be really helpful, i think. it’s like reading reviews before you buy a new lipstick. i kissed dallas once on someone’s recommendation, and you know what? it was worth it. it was a nice kiss.

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with GAVIN ONG ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? this is gavin ong, vip host at eden. i worked vip service for a couple years, but then i got moved outside. they realized indoor lighting just wasn’t making my cheekbones pop like it should, you know? nah, i was just moving so many bottles that it only made sense for me to get ahead of it up front. been hosting for another year or so.

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others? i’m taking a whiskey sour these days, personally. and i’m staunchly on team egg white. i mean, i’m sure whatever that other thing people are making is good too, but it’s not a whiskey sour, right? i’ve started doing a reverse dry shake, get that really good texture without over-diluting. i’ve been cooking with our guys at the bar to see if we can incorporate something like that here, actually. definitely workshopping something, keep an eye out.

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? i’m from miami, so i’m gonna hit the easy button and say literally any pitbull song. couldn’t possibly pick just one. it’s in our blood, you know? i just hear it and the spirit of dade county takes over. it’s honestly kind of beautiful. he just knows how to speak to us.  i’ve sold more than one table to a bunch of dudes from miami with this pitch, by the way. that’s the power of pitbull, baby.

what’s your most iconic night out memory? i mean, i’d say the most iconic nights are the ones you don’t have the memories of. am i right? nah, i’m kidding. i don’t think there’s a more iconic night out than getting a table at eden. it’s always the start of a really good story, you get the table, then you meet just the right person, bump just the right elbow. and it’s off to the fucking races, right? last time we got a table, we ended the night in a penthouse suite with some great girls who were in town for a cheerleading competition, i think –  i mean, you just never know.

what’s your craziest rideshare story? real talk? i splurge for the uber black to avoid that sort of thing. especially if i’m with a girl, and i’m trying to slide past home base, if you know what i mean. it can be incredibly powerful to not be in a vomit soaked sedan when you’re trying to seal the deal. all the rizz in the world won’t change if you’re with someone’s uncle who can’t stop bumping that npr. call me boujee, but that’s always worth the upcharge. 

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close?  i’m taking a food truck over fast food every time. i think the best possible meal you could have after a night out is made on the back of a van by somebody’s cousin. i’m partial to a cuban, but again, as long as it’s like… you know, borderline what the food vendor status of the fucking thing is i can be persuaded. that’s where the real hidden gems are.

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? i’m offended that you’d ask.

truth or dare? come on, obviously dare. what d’you think we’re doing here?

demonstrate how you’d hit on someone in the club. oh, excellent, i’ve been waiting for an excuse to give a little crash course. first thing we’re doing? sustaining eye contact. don’t you dare look away first. that right there’s the start of the gambit, and if you screw that up, you might as well have a big neon sign over your head that says “BETA.” so, that’s sustained eye contact, and then we’re gonna send over a drink. that’s classic, everyone likes a little flattery, really butter ‘em up. then you just have to fucking follow through. that’s where y’all are fumbling, you can’t just expect that shit to talk for itself. if you’re pissed off people aren’t picking up on you hitting on them, you probably aren’t actually hitting on them.  go and introduce yourself like a fucking gentleman.  you’re gonna be straight forward, make your intentions clear.  it’s just the best policy to be transparent, plus, it usually helps. plus, if she’s not gonna go for it, not to mention the time it saves –

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with EMIR KATTAN ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? my name’s emir and i’ve been a bartender at eden for a couple of years. 

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others? i like a rum and coke. maybe with a little  lime. some of these cocktails, man, they’re just too much. sometimes, i want to tell people this is a bar and not a starbucks, right? obviously never would, but come on. help me out. order a nice, normal drink.

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? i still really like the hills by the weeknd, but i kinda get why it fell out of favor, it’s kind of sad as hell for like, a club song. and you know, maybe that’s a selling point for me, i can be a pretty sensitive guy, but i get why other people may not like… love that.

what’s your most iconic night out memory? there was one time i was out on the strip, and i bumped into this girl that looked so familiar, and i realized like halfway through a heineken this girl had been a really good friend of mine in like, the eighth grade. so we start talking and drinking and hanging out. and she comes to the next place with us, her and her friend, and it just feels so natural, like we haven’t missed a fucking beat, man.  like… that’s kind of crazy, right? not to mention, like, beautiful, that all these years later we’d meet at some random club, like, 500 miles from where we grew up. we split off from everyone else to go catch up at this pizza place. and i’m thinking this has all been a sign leading up to here, i’m gonna shoot my shot. i start telling some story, trying to be romantic, about how i remember staring at her from the backseat of her sister’s honda civic after homecoming and thinking about how pretty she looked. and she made this face at me and i figured i was getting curved and felt  like a weirdo, so i apologized, but then she said “no, it’s not that, i just don’t have a sister.” she was from columbia, maryland, not south carolina. i’d never met this lady before in my life. and the really iconic part is that we still did hand stuff in my car after she figured that out.

what’s your craziest rideshare story? i used to drive on my nights off, before i started taking on a little more responsibility behind the bar, picking up some extra shifts. anyways, most of my like, craziest stories are interacting with legitimately unreal motherfuckers. like, drunk people obviously, but i know how to handle drunk people, obviously, i just mean like… this one time, these girls got in, and the one riding passenger literally started trying to get me to talk shit on her friend in the backseat with her. and like, they were being sloppy as hell. and they did seem like they were jealous of her for getting the promotion they’d all gone out for, when like, it had to be one of them, right? actually, maybe she kind of had a point…

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close? I think it’s gotta be pizza. culturally, we decided that does count as all the food  groups, right? plus, it’s nice that it’s the last thing i don’t feel like shit having delivered. like, it’s just a pizza. and i can usually even stay awake til it gets to my apartment, but when i don’t it tastes just as good on the way to a brunch shift in the morning.

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? I got nothing to lose.

truth or dare? fuck it, let’s dare.

do your best impression of a coworker. ah,  i don’t know, that’s dangerous. i could do laz, i guess, ‘cause it’s mostly the accent, right? just the accent, and then saying like, really vague, mysterious shit. i’m joking, that guy rocks, i’m literally just jealous. lazlo’s like the terminator of fucking, i don’t know how he does it, but he just gets in there, and closes- it’s like, leave some for the rest of us, right? ha. i kid. dude’s like a brother for real.

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with SERENA MCCOY ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? i’m serena, i’m a vip server at eden, and i’ve been here for like two years. which is like, ten years but also  a week and a half at the same time at a place like this. time flies when you’re paid to have an amazing party every night.

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others?  i’m all about the bubbles. champagne when we go out, like i’m classy, prosecco if we’re drinking back at my place. it’s an underrated perk that everything you say sounds better with a flute in your hand.  

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? for me, it’ll always be crazy in love. i have been dancing to that song in ways that upset my parents longer than any other, it’d be wrong to say anything else. i had a solo in the eighth grade talent show to that song, and if you really get me on a good night, i might break out a little for you. 

what’s your most iconic night out memory? i used to work in midtown houston, and my favorite nights were the nights we’d bring the mechanical bull out. you ever want to watch people get downright disgusting, you start pouring johnnie walker and then start a grinding competition- yes, it is! that’s all we’re all thinking about when you’re up there, don’t lie! it’s the hips! anyway, i think the most iconic nights out start there, for sure. there may or may not have been a night that we shut it down for some vips from a particularly athletic background that wanted some pointers from the bottle girls on how to stay on longer. and what can i say, i’m nothing if not devoted to quality customer service.

what’s your craziest rideshare story? i had a date that didn’t make it past the lyft one time. literally in the amount of time it took us to ride from my house to the bar, he decided he didn’t think it was going to work out. and i know it’s because he didn’t think i was like, a serious person. he didn’t like my job or whatever, but i gotta say, it made me really self conscious about that dress for a minute too. like, i don’t even look good enough that you’d put up with my unambitious ass through apps? that’s harsh. that’s really harsh.

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close? i’m the person who always wants to find some little hole in the wall, or like, a food truck, or something. like, why would we go sit in your car and eat garbage when we could keep the party going down the street or something, you know? and tacos are always the biggest crowd pleaser like that. drunk people at least will always  lose their minds for dry tortilla chips, i can tell you that much.

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? should i be scared?

truth or dare? i’m gonna pick truth.

if your life was a book, what’s the title of the chapter you’re in right now? if my life was a book, this chapter would be the one that’s just called like, “i’m waiting.” i’m in the part of the romance novel that’s like, the maiden in the tower, or whatever. and i’m not like totally helpless, i’m scheming my way out too, but damn, can someone give me a hand?

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with JOE DOYLE ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? my name is joseph todd doyle, i’m a vip server at club eden, and i’m coming up on five years of having been doing that. 

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others? gotta be an old fashioned. something about it, man, like that’s just the drink. it’s the garnishes, right? people also do some really incredible stuff with ice - i’m partial to the sphere myself. i’m an industry professional, i’ve studied this shit, man. that’s why people come to party with us, right?

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? i think a good club song is one that like, from the first second, everyone knows what’s up. like don’t waste my time if it's not something that bar one is going to make everyone lose their mind. i usually have really good luck with hot in herre, i think that’s one that like anyone is going to be able to get into. that should be like, part of the criteria at the doors. i’m gonna talk to bruno about it.

what’s your most iconic night out memory?  a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, and all that. but let me see, if we’re looking at like, fourth most iconic, i lost a car in miami once. me and some guys i was working with at this pizza place drove out for spring break, cuz we didn’t go to school but that did that mean we shouldn’t get to party with everyone? course not. anyways, we rent this van, drive it down, hang out at the beach a little while, and then these people invite us out to these campgrounds. basically, we park at the edge of these woods and hike the rest of the way out, and i guess we just all expected someone else to remember where we left it. couple hundred beers later, we’re trying to find the fucking thing to spend the night in, but we were shit out of luck. spent the rest of the fucking weekend looking for it. i gave up on spring break after that, decided to make my own fun on my own schedule.

what’s your craziest rideshare story? i am currently banned from uber, um, because a lovely young woman from the panhandle that was helping me get home one night reported my account after she recognized me from a night out a few summers ago and i didn’t recognize her in an, uh, timely enough manner, i guess. does that count?

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close? i literally don’t care where we go as long as there’s fries, that’s the important part. i feel like the starch just sops up all of the bad. i really tried to cut the fried crap, but drunk joe doesn’t cooperate, when he’s got doordash opened up, who knows what call he’ll make.

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? always, baby.

truth or dare? let’s do a dare. 

open your camera roll, close your eyes and scroll to a random image. explain that image. ha. i mean, we can try. they’re not all like, saucy, you know, i take pictures of my dog and shit too - oh, but not this one. yeah, no, we can’t do that one. i’m not trying to get banned from lyft too.

[trueaffections]

★ word on the street with RIO ZARAGOZA ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it? my name is rio, i’ve worked at eden for literally like, six years. i started as a bartender, then i did the bottle girl thing for a little while, but now i get to dj full time. it’s like, a job that’s literally only gotten better. next up, i’m coming for management, watch out - kidding! definitely kidding. don’t tell manny i said that.

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others? well, they don’t let me drink anymore, but i love making martinis. that’s an attention whore ass drink. I like a drink with pageantry, i get to do the whole little dance with the shaker, and it just looks so like, classic and sexy and chic in her little glass. martinis, for sure.

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic? i don’t know if i should give spoilers! i should say you gotta come party with me to find out. but i guess i could give you a little something… oh, maneater by nelly furtado. birthdays, weddings, funerals. i think that’s the song my heart beat in time to.

what’s your most iconic night out memory? before i got all classy about nightlife, i used to go to like, the most disgusting warehouse raves and shit. and i was like, definitely not old enough to be there either, but i could party, so no one caught on. so like, first of all, it was pretty iconic that i narrowly avoided those juvenile charges over and over when we got busted up. but the most iconic was probably my first ever set. i was a little baby in a hot pink party city bob, and i played a bunch of dogshit that i thought was really cool at the time, but the iconic part was just watching how people were just willing to lose their minds and have fun with me, even though i sucked. like that’s the moment i learned it’s never gonna be about being good, it’s about being fun. as long as i bring the party, the rest just falls into place. and that part comes naturally.

what’s your craziest rideshare story? i loooove talking to the uber driver, but i guess i’m a little too forward sometimes. i have been told i am no longer allowed to call what happened in that hyundai sonata a proposal, but what i heard was a very earnest offer to make an honest woman out of me. i hated having to turn him down, but i’m just not ready to give up the streets - now had it been an elantra, it would have been a whole ‘nother story.

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close? i love to go to like, a wawa, and get one of the big gross hoagies that’s just chicken tenders on a bun with sauces and salad and whatever. and then if we’re going somewhere else, it’s with a white monster, if we’re heading home, diet dr pepper and sour patch kids that i will not remember to eat before i kick..

you ready to kick this interview up a notch? they wouldn’t let me work here if i wasn’t!

truth or dare? dare!

return the last missed call in your call log right now. last missed call that would be… aww, benny bottles. i mean, i was busy when he called though, i was… getting a manicure. we can call him back though! he’s out front, but he’d probably answer... oh no, was that shady to say?

[trueaffections]

Yellowjackets 3x07 Joel McHale as Kodiak

[trueaffections]

Headcanons

[trueaffections]

what does ruby kim's bedroom look like?

when ruby met harper she had an annika's leaf bedroom. very airy and cute. pink gingham bedspread a couple of trinkets on a couple of surfaces but you could tell it wasn't like. naturally occurring clutter of living in a space it was very like by design. she was one of those people who wanted her bedroom to be like a quiet place she only used for sleeping. soft, pink lighting. lots of pillows. loud ass sound machine playing storm noises. and i think she did stage it for instagram story photos more than once i'm afraid.

but to be loved is to be changed etc etc. i think after she and harper moved in together she tried really hard to keep the space curated but it just wasn't possible. between the two of them, there's just so many little trinkets and clothes. and they also just spend more time in there than ruby had in her own room when she lived alone, and the debris of nights they spent doing face masks and watching the rachel zoe project while parallel scrolling instagram just starts to add up.

so kind of at this point i feel the vibe transitioned to more of a mid-2000s movie teenage girl who "likes fashion" room. still chic because don't get it twisted they do have good taste. but definitely more eclectic. which only got worse when kira moved in. you want to talk about a lady who makes some eclectic interior designs. ruby had to step out of the room to avoid saying something Hurtful more than once during a discussion about where to place her giant jewel toned room divider with all these birds on it.

and i also think they're all three very dangerous individuals to set loose in a peddler's mall. i just know they're always bringing home some bullshit then having to spend the night renegotiating surface space on the dresser like it just always becomes a whole thing.

ultimately though, i think something that has always been very important to ruby is making sure their apartment visibly belongs to three women. kind of ruling a lot of ruby's aesthetic choices is the fact that she is nearly theologically femme and like that will simply be reflected from their big ruffled comforter to their little dainty adorable silverware. so as long as they can keep in line with that, she'll get over it one day.

[trueaffections]

what is raphael cabrera's college major / how does he fit into the college social scene

raphael's college major is boats and hos god bles.