ttheonesanity

[ttheonesanity]

Pedestrian crossing.

They don't know. Nobody knows. Not even the knowing.

I just want to get lost on this place we call earth. And loose myself in the process.

[ttheonesanity]

'Oh.' of the day:

There are roles in this world. You can break them if you just find the right steps. Join the military! Bam! You can now 'legally' kill people.

Remember kids: It's not terrorism if the government does it. And hides it. And actively tortures people. They're doing it right now, Y'know? Ah, the love of playing god.

Man loves it. Sentience thrives for it. Sentience grasps its greedy claws around every idea of control and manipulation just to get a single, simple drop of that sweet nectar we call power.

But little does sentience know, It was all a figment of its own imagination.

As an invasive species, our goal is to take. Our goal is to spread and destroy all that we believe is below us.

Even our own kind. We are violent and ruthless. Even if you're called 'kind' every day by a passerby.

You ignore people in the streets. Suffering. You ignore underage drug addicts in a public restroom. Suffering. You ignore your own suffering. Saying to your mind that your weak and should never be seen that way. You train your jaws to lay slack and look pretty for peacocking instead of to bite and rip flesh.

What am I getting at with this? I'm not sure. As I'm just some newly 16-year-old kid. Seen as weak. Ignorant to the laws that try to control me. Seen as nothing but a twig in her bed with a million thoughts in his head. Did my age change your mind? Or was it my awareness? Guess we will never know. As silence consumes me.

[ttheonesanity]

Cult behaivors.

Mental health issues??? You think I have issues??? Yall have issues. I know I have issues. But some of you don't know you have issues and act like it's a totally normal thing. Nobody has no issues. Just like how nobody is perfect. Society is built for the nobody. That perfect person We all aren't built for society. So why do we live in it? Why do we conform to the cult that is the government? The government is a cult after all. cult a group of people having beliefs or practices, especially relating to religion (especially, not just only), that are regarded by others as strange or sinister or as imposing excessive control over members (literally the government) a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular thing (the law. the old fucked up outdated rules of all that rule the people.)

[ttheonesanity]

Unwanted footsteps.

Why did I get them. Why do I know their notice. Why do I understand them. I'm sorry I'm so sorry Why am I following in your footsteps Why Why I don't know. All I know is why. Not the whys answer. Why the word. I just want to go away from myself.

[ttheonesanity]

Release.

OH MY FUCKOINGM GOD IF I CAN CHOOSE ANYWHTHING ITS MY BODY OH MY GOF STOP I CAN CHOOSE WHEN I DIE PLEASE JUST LET ME HAVE THE RELEASE I NEED IM TIRED OF THIS IM SO TIRED PLEASE IVE BEEN BEGGING FOR TEN STRAIGHT YEARS IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS EVEN MY DOCTOR SAID IM MATURE I DONT WANT TO BE MATURE IT DFCUKING SUCKS SO MUCH PLEASE IM JUST TIRED OF EVERYTHING IIM SO EXAUSTED i need this please just trust me its not a want anymore it truly is a need

[ttheonesanity]

Thinking thoughts of theories.

I have a theory that women are harder to diagnose since men have more freedom around everything. Clothes. Actions. Walking. Talking. Hobbies. Where your head is tilted when you're in public. Play. Simple play. Fun. We are pressured and judged until we fall under the manipulation of societies standards and sit still and pretty while 'boys just be boys' and have actual fun and enjoy life. We can't do anything about it, or else the eyes will be set on us. So, we mask. We become professionals on wearing that mask. Becoming walking sexualizations of people we never wanted to be. And nobody notices. Or talks about. Or thinks about. We mask so much that we forget who we were when we never put on the mask in the first place. It gets stuck. And you forget. And you suffer. And although I have noticed this, I don't have enough strength to do anything. I just think. I can't do these actions I think of.

[ttheonesanity]

The ending of the fantasy storybook.

I was a 'bad' kid. A 'troubled' kid. I was 'fixed'. It was autism. I was a female with autism. Diagnosed years later, after all this. After it was too late. After they threw me away because they couldn't understand me and that I wouldn't fit like a circle in a square hole. So they carved me. Hurt me. 'Shaped' me with pain. Cutting off my flesh until I had sharp, jagged corners and my blood made it slick enough for me to just fit. And where did that hole lead to? What was all this pain and suffering for? Where was my goal? The dump.

[ttheonesanity]

Blinded choices.

I wasn't bullied. I went through much worse. You see, I was found. I was forcefully outcasted just because they realized I wasn't normal enough. Its either they make it worse, and god they do. they ruin you. you will become nobody like before, and for the worst. Or, they don't realize. And you run under the radar to get bullied to then just go ahead and live a life. changing in the ways that are natural.

[ttheonesanity]

Man and their love to play god.

People literally buy earth. Earth. The thing we were supposed to live on. They claim the grass and dirt and soil is theirs. How?? Buying a planet. They did it. We did it. We commercialized everything. Wow.

[ttheonesanity]

Buying the rights to free your chains.

Money is freedom. Money is hierarchy. You pay for your freedom. Is that what you really want? Non-free freedom?

[ttheonesanity]

The simple request.

Give me a name. Let me understand myself.

[ttheonesanity]

Rambling- not really considered a poem to many eyes.

I don't even know who I really am or how I acted. because it's all just an act. How would the real me walk and talk??? I don't know because I never was the real me.

"Oh., But your childhood shapes how you are!" I don't remember most, if not all of my childhood. I have no childhood memories. Just people from my past that I somehow know and called friends.

[ttheonesanity]

Looming regrets and untold lies.

I'm so delusional. I just act like how my oc would act, because I want to be her and not me. And I just created her for that reason. People like her not me. They're friends with her, not me.

Mania is a beautiful thing.

[ttheonesanity]

Muzzled humanity

There is no 'bad dog'. It is a dog that humans have failed. There are no 'bad people'. It is a person that society has failed.

[ttheonesanity]

Questioning the silence.

Don't be a coward. Then when can I be one? When can I feel a feeling we all feel, yet hide? When can I be natural and not a blank slate? When can I be, well, Human?

[ttheonesanity]

The first of many that will come.

I kill because I need to. I kill because I have to. I kill because I want to. The great changes of desensitization. Make it rust until its nothing.