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think I'm finally down to zero friends😄 I love self isolation

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I want friends and I want to be someone who can love without exceptions but I think I'm just built for isolation I'm at my best when I'm alone and I love life a lot more when I'm alone

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I wish I wasn't such a weirdo I want to be able to hangout with normal people and do normal things

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I hate summer I absolutely despise it I go crazy and my splitting is so bad I wish summer never existed it does something weird to me

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I don't understand why they won't leave me alone I'm not a good person I havent gotten better I'm not sober I relapsed last night I'm unmedicated I have no self control I'm so depressed there was mold growing in my room the other day I can barely keep my eyes open during the day I've let myself go idgaf about their feelings ill drag them down with me I just don't understand why they won't leave me alone

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I don't understand why these people won't leave me alone about my ex and won't stop trying to get me to talk to her again no I cut her off for HER so she won't get HURT again I don't fucking understand why you'd want us talking again when you're fully aware we're toxic together because I'm not ready to fix my shit yet??? fuck off

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genuinely have no desire to live anymore but I'm too scared to die because of fucking christianity

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I want to blow my head off idk if I can do my program

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trying to follow a 12 step plan but not wanting to do the second step

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I was free for a few months but now all my religious paranoia and radicalism is coming back and I'm scared God's about to strike me down in horrible painful ways just for saying his name in vain

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every day I tell myself the reason I'm so fucked up is because I'm just a hormonal teenager and I'll become normal when my brain fully develops but then I remember I've been fucked up this way since I was a little kid so I don't know if I'll ever actually get better

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my addictions do weird things to my dreams and I hate it

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it hurts watching people graduate this year knowing I'm supposed to be one of them but I'm not

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my hate has ruined every part of my life and I have no future because of it

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post high depression is one of the most miserable things I've ever felt

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life was so much better when I was at my lowest weight

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"no kid you're a narcissistic borderline and you have no empathy for anyone you need to go to therapy" lalalalalalalalala I can't hear you