turnipzz

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adventurer

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I made up a guy so Martin can safely take a nice nap somewhere pleasant 😴☀️🌳🌄

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Did you get enough love, my little dove? Why do you cry? And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best Though it never felt right, my little Versailles

Happy Father's Day

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My terrarium babies warm my heart

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ted… ❤️

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teddy bear...

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appearS briefly in jamie paige's machine love music video

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he got that shit on though

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i got super bored

og image after cut

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"He came your way, and when he had to go There were roses growing in the snow Silently, you'll go through the shadow of your soul And you know that it was like this before he had to go" "You will never see these lights Glowing in your nights Until you feel this way With every moon It is as though you're getting closer to your soul" "And then you'll go alone, and with no fear Then you will know that it was like this before he had to go And you will find that you were blind Until you saw these lights Glowing in your nights" "He came your way, and when he had to go There were roses growing in the snow Silently, you'll go through the shadow of your soul But you know that it was like this before he had to go" "You will never see these lights Glowing in your nights If you don't know" "And there are roses growing in the snow”

- Roses in the Snow, Nico 1991

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i dont even go here bro

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ok i’m fully desperate, my bills and subs and whatever else i had to autopay for bankrupted me for the first half of this month and i have about $20 to my name, i’m discounting every available service on my kofi to $10 no matter what option is chosen (EXCLUDING the full scene/portrait option, unless you do want one in which case theyre like $80), with payment thru paypal or cashapp, not kofi itself.

I’m offering full color, full rendering, full whatever for all of these and at unlimited slots because ideally I’d like to make at least $100 from this abrupt discounting. Money will go to normal living stuff e.g. if i need to buy lunch for work one day, grocery replenishment, or some kind of rainy day thing.

examples here (the refsheet is an example of what my fullbodies would look like), reblogs appreciated (likes alone will not help this particular circumstance)

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almost like what im trying to get across is up until the destruction of kvatch, it was enough to just get out of the sanguine and into the divines. it didnt quite matter why. there was a reprieve, and he would reside in it for as long as he existed onward. but then kvatch Did get destroyed and it just all fell apart in his mind, not for the sake of it never being there, but because the impasse between faith + what it really meant to him crumbled. probably was already crumbling but the avalanche happened.

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maybe im just twiddling too much comparing and contrasting between him and cassynder and how i have it written that they BOTH practiced daedra worship around the same time and therefore crossed paths even if only briefly or in passing BEFORE cassynder was told by uriel that he was “the one from his dreams” and should just fully bite down on this instead of nibbling finally.

i dont really know what worshipping sanguine meant or could have meant for martin 🙄 🙄 i know im already starting out very nothingburger and speculatively here but, i do know he sought to escape it… obviously… seeing as he is now a priest. and anyway what im trying to bridge to and im going to do so with less grace than i would actually want and hope for because i just want to speak my mind, is that I lately contemplate, frequently, that martin’s more puritan endeavors were less about finding faith/rehabilitating himself through the divines and moreso for his own personal, introspective motives. as in i think reevaluation of his ideals and practices may have been at play but it was sorely thanks to religious devotion. it was more worth it to compromise a fully independent ethos by seeking a veil of “retribution” from the nine than to continue pursuing sanguine’s many seductions.

headcanon moment and i am really paranoid about this being bastardized so im 1) going to be conservative in how much i elaborate and 2) just am not going to think about it too hard, but i think the worship of sanguine specifically was just too much hedonism at a certain point in regards to what i perceived based on martin’s own brief statements on past daedra worship and im thinking maybe there was something very compulsory about the way he was living and so cycle breaking ensues but again i dont think the nines had much to do with anything really, when it comes to the arc of him leaving this lucrative lifestyle behind him. maybe he was hopeful to cling onto the concept of the image of purity that they carry to compensate for the hedonism but idk.

not really so much an analysis at all but especially not an analysis about “martin felt sinful so he like drew back to become a good boy” i think there’s something a lot more sinister about the patterns and ways he sought to extinguish them. and to get more gritty into that i think i might be turning this into ocd allegory. but that’s besides what i mull on regarding all this…

the compare and contrast or whatever about cassynder that ive been thinking about in figments is something along the lines of, an already muddied perception of faith, what it means, how could one ever believe in or follow anything when this much wrong is able to sicced onto the common people, especially by those they give all earthly possession to, etcetc, and the lines said to the HoK in general about, i dont really know what to believe anymore, up until the end right before you become Champion and he says something like—and im poorly paraphrasing here—i still dont know what the divines intentions (??) are dadada whatever, but i know what /I/ was born to do here today.

Cassynder in contrast to this did in fact “find jesus” his way through prison and did actually go through the whole “good boy” thing i talked about earlier, and it has me picturing this circle with arrows going in all types of overlaps that are like, martin is too indulgent —> martin seeks any desperate measures to recompense even if compromising of any deeper assessments on himself even though he recognizes there is something deeper to assess —> home is destroyed, what is even the point or reason —> meets a “hero of light” type of character (this is cassynder’s circle starting now kind of) —> this guy is fully devout to the nines —> martin is still continuously dubious on what [his] faith even means (anymore anyway) —> cassynder is still unwavering on the same topic UNTIL —> endgame, where martin has found his resolution and now cassynder is the one left perpetually wondering.

tldr i find it interesting and fun and sad all at once to consider what might have been going on for martin mentally concerning the transition from daedra to divinity, his doubts in it ANYWAY even after converting, and how it kind of waxes and wanes with cassynder’s own similar path although kind of completely different, just one beat away from being on the same page if only for their fate. :p

something to be said about martin’s [implied] sanguinian worship and affiliation + turning away from the daedra in search of a more sanctified line of worship + very quickly and almost easily debating the faith he had once kvatch was sacked and the HoK arrived to abscond him to weynon house + martin henceforth consistently and in more persistence and growing doubt, question the faith he ultimately pursued before kvatch was attacked but after the sanguine stuff but i dont know what that something to be said is and suddenly i want someone smarter than me to finish this post