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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: The Unexpected Task

I know what a guinea pig is but what is a guinea fowl?? Ok I just looked it up and it’s a turkey looking chicken thing

Of course Neville’s still had feathers

Lol, Professor McGonagall, if you want Harry and Ron to act their age you’re going to be disappointed since that’s what fourteen year olds do, they fool around doing dumb things in class constantly

“Lavender Brown let out a shrill giggle. Parvati Patil nudged her hard in the ribs, her face working furiously as she too fought not to giggle. They both looked around at Harry, Professor McGonagall ignored them, which Harry thought was distinctly unfair, as she had just told off him and Ron.” Lol, way to be subtle Lavender and Parvati. Also, way to be dense Harry.

See, I always assumed that dress robes were a thing that existed before Harry Potter, I never realised that they don’t actually exist in the real world

“‘Your partners for the Yule Ball, Potter,’ she said coldly. ‘Your dance partners.’ Harry’s insides seemed to curl up and shrivel.” Same

It is wild that he didn’t think about the girls at Hogwarts until this point

It’s actually even worse for Harry because everyone actually knows him, everyone’s going to be interested in who he’s going to take, or who’s going to reject him. The poor boy can’t catch a break.

Ok they need to be nicer about the girls asking him to the ball, at least they had the balls to do it (ba dum tss) and the same can’t be said for either Ron or Harry

Draco is just plain obsessed with Harry. Quoting Rita Skeeter’s article?? Really???The boy memorised an article just so he could quote it to Harry?? OBSESSED.

Aww Flitwick spent their last class of the term talking to Harry about the perfect summoning charm. Do you think Harry reminded him of Lily in that moment since she was so good at charms as well?? Am I reading too much into this?

“Ron was busy building a card castle out of his Exploding Snap pack - a much more interesting pastime than with Muggle cards, because of the chance that the whole thing would blow up at any second.” Ok but at that point would it be interesting? Or just plain annoying?

“‘Who’re you going with, then?’ said Ron. ‘Angelina,’ said Fred promptly, without a trace of embarrassment. ‘What?’ said Ron, taken aback. ‘You’ve already asked her?’ ‘Good point,’ said Fred. He turned his head and called across the common room, ‘Oi! Angelina!’ Angelina, who had been chatting with Alicia Spinnet near the fire, looked over at him. ‘What?’ she called back. ‘Want to come to the ball with me?’ Angelina gave Fred an appraising sort of look. ‘All right, then,’ she said, and she turned back to Alicia and carried on chatting with a bit of a grin on her face.” Iconic

I know I’ve said “Hermione’s got a point” one too many times here but she really does!! It’s not my fault that she does!!

Also if Harry had built up the nerve earlier instead of putting it off for later, he might’ve beaten Cedric to asking out Cho

Oh Harry, good luck… I’m getting secondhand anxiety from this

“Wangoballwime” good stuff Harry, that’ll get her to fall in love with you

Oh sweet Lord make it go away

“Now he suddenly realized that Cedric was in fact a useless pretty boy who didn’t have enough brains to fill an eggcup.” Good Lord, that was unnecessary and vicious Harry

If Fleur had actually gone with Ron to the ball, all three of them would have been opening the ball for everyone lol

Ooh, I wonder why Fleur was talking to Cedric

Ohh, she just wanted to ask Cedric to the ball, nevermind

“‘I asked her to go with me just now,’ Harry said dully, ‘ and she told me.’ Ginny had suddenly stopped smiling.” I NEVER NOTICED THAT SENTENCE ABOUT GINNY BEFORE!! I thought she was just really sad that they both were so pathetic. Or just that Harry was rejected. I don’t know why I didn’t realise, of course it was because she liked Harry still! OF COURSE!

Oh and earlier she was fighting back a smile when she was consoling Ron so I guess when she stopped smiling I just assumed that she definitely felt bad for Harry. I thought because she liked Harry that she felt bad for him since he got rejected by Cho. What an idiot I am. 

NEVILLE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO’S ASKED SOMEONE HE ACTUALLY KNOWS AND CARES ABOUT LIKE HERMIONE. It’s his own bad luck that he was too late which is sad.

Awfully presumptuous of you to think that Hermione only told Neville that so that she didn’t have to go with him, she’s not you Ron

Thanks for sticking up for him Ginny!

“‘Because - oh shut up laughing, you two - because they’ve both just been turned down by the girls they asked to the ball!’ said Ginny. That shut Harry and Ron up.” Thank you Ginny.

Oh Ron, you’ve really done it now

Oh SNAP! Neville already asked Ginny! She could’ve gone with Harry but she missed it by that much! I mean sure, it would’ve been a little weird since it was by Ron’s suggestion, but still!! I think it’s good that she didn’t though because the Yule ball ended up sucking for everyone. Maybe if it had gone this way it might’ve not sucked? Who knows.

“‘I’m going with - with Neville. He asked me when Hermione said no, and I thought… well… I’m not going to be able to go otherwise, I’m not fourth year.’ she said, and she got up and walked off to the portrait hole, her head bowed.” See, anyone who hasn’t finished the series would’ve thought that she was miserable because she was going with Neville and everyone was going to make fun of her. To a wise person like myself however (who only just noticed this, some 13-14 years after reading and rereading the book) it’s because she was so close to going to the ball with Harry, it’s actually comical how close she came to that happening. That’s why she’s miserable. It’s like something out of a sitcom.

I guess Harry isn’t as dense as I thought?

Poor Padma Patil

Padma Patil’s nose doesn’t have to be dead center, Ron’s head just needs to get out of his ass.

I’ve only just realised what ‘The Unexpected Task’ was lol

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE : The House-Elf Liberation Front

Sending a letter with Pigwidgeon is a two-man job lol

“There’s no way any of the other tasks are going to be that dangerous, how could they be?” LOL Ron, I would have assumed that the next tasks are going to be way worse given how the first task went, instead of going in the other direction and assuming that they’re going to be easier than the first one without any evidence to back that claim

“If that was the first task, I hate to think what’s coming next.” Am I Hermione? I feel like I am Hermione and I might’ve been obliviated or something. Wouldn’t that be wild? If I was reading about myself without knowing it? 

Sirius is going to be so proud of his Godson after reading that extremely long and detailed letter Harry’s sending to him

Is letting off fireworks indoors an ok thing to do? Will they not get hurt because they’re magical fireworks?

“‘What was that?’ said Seamus Finnigan, staring at the egg as Harry slammed it shut again. ‘Sounded like a banshee… Maybe you’ve got to get past one of those next, Harry!’” Well he was kind of close, thinking about what Harry might have to get past next

Oh cool he got to keep the model of the Hungarian Horntail? What happened to it? Honestly Harry is terrible about keeping track of his stuff, except for the cloak, the map and his broom I guess

How do skrewts survive in the wild if they just keep killing each other??

“Worst that can happen is Hagrid’ll have to get rid of the skrewts. Sorry… did I say worst? I meant best.” Also, the board of directors or whoever they were in the second book might try to get rid of Hagrid again, given the events in both second and third year...

Too bad nobody takes Professor Trelawney seriously, she’s cried ‘Wolf!’ too many times

You know that Hermione loves homework Ron, so she’s not going to be mad when she has homework and you don’t

Why is Hermione so eager to show Harry what she’s found? Ron’s right there and she’s basically ignoring him lol. It’s stuff like this that made me think that she had a thing for Harry! Unless she’s only showing Harry because Ron’s actively made fun of S.P.E.W… give it three or so years Ron

Aww, Dobby kept the sock that Harry gave him!

It’s amazing and kind of shitty that a lot of students go through all their years at Hogwarts without knowing where all the food they eat comes from

Oh, interesting, if they wear tea towels, does that mean they have clothes? So they’re all freed elves basically? Or is the fact that it’s a tea towel and not an item of clothing important for them to know that they’re not free but they still have to wear uniforms? Also, what is a tea cosy used for exactly? Why would you need to keep tea cosy? I suppose you’d want to keep it warm when it’s too cold… I forget that Hogwarts doesn’t have microwaves, or electricity in general

If Dobby gets a galleon a week that makes it 52 galleons a year… Is that really enough Dumbledore? How about a galleon for every meal you eat while you’re at Hogwarts? How about that huh?

Oh ok so Dumbledore offered him 10 galleons a week and the weekend off but Dobby refused, alright then

I love that all Dobby spends his money on are clothes

Hmmm… Mr, Crouch doesn’t like Ludo Bagman much you say…. interesting...

How many cream cakes and pies can a teenager really eat

“Percy wouldn’t recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby’s tea cozy.” Thank you so much for that image Ron

Chapter 22

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER TWENTY: The First Task

OOoOH I love the first task!

“Feeling too queasy to eat, Harry waited until Hermione had swallowed her last spoonful of porridge, then dragged her out onto the grounds.” Lol can you imagine Harry just sitting next to Hermione in the great hall, staring at her while rocking backwards and forwards, just impatiently waiting for her to finish breakfast? Lol

“‘Let’s just try and keep you alive until Tuesday evening,’ she said desperately, ‘and then we can worry about Karkaroff.’” Lol, she has a point though, as concerning as both matters are, you gotta deal with the one that’s going to happen sooner. Also, if only Ron had heard about the multiple plots to kill Harry, he’d think twice about wanting his fame and attention

I don’t blame Colin for telling Rita Skeeter that Harry and Hermione might be together, just look at the amount of walks they took around the lake today, and how much time they’re spending together in general, for however long Ron wasn’t talking to Harry

Yeah I don’t think ‘Men Who Love Dragons Too Much’ would help you subdue a dragon lol

Hermione’s been doing O.W.L practice papers??? Well I guess they are in fourth year so it’s a good head start

Ok but what if Cedric’s friends hadn’t gone on without him after his bag split open?

Well I mean, the footing isn’t that even, you didn’t tell him on Saturday, which is when you found out, so everyone had two full days to somewhat prepare except Cedric, who now has to deal with this in addition to his new bag ripping

Does Moody have super hearing too? In addition to seeing people in invisibility cloaks? And through solid objects?

“‘Secrecy Sensor. Vibrates when it detects concealment and lies… no use here, of course, too much interference - students in every direction lying about why they haven’t done their homework.’” CONVENIENT

“‘I had to disable my Sneakoscope because it wouldn’t stop whistling.’” 1) You can disable a sneakoscope? 2) CONVENIENT!

“‘Of course, it could be picking up more than kid stuff,’” You have to admire the nerve of this guy, talking about it like he isn’t at the centre of it

Tbh Dumbledore would probably not have minded if his school lost, so really Karkaroff and Maxime would have to worry about beating each other

Harry thinks he doesn’t have any strengths :( 

Moody is just spoon feeding Harry lol

“‘Hermione - I need you to help me.’ ‘What d’you think I’ve been trying to do, Harry?’ she whispered back,...” Lol I could’ve said the same thing

I’m imagining him learning the summoning charm like a montage with ‘Eye of the Tiger’ backing it

“‘Good luck, Harry,’ Hermione whispered. ‘You’ll be fine!’ ‘Yeah,’ said Harry in a voice that was most unlike his own.” I’m sorry Harry but this is really funny lol

“He left the Great Hall with Professor McGonagall. She didn’t seem herself either; in fact, she looked nearly as anxious as Hermione.” Aww, poor McGonagall

I wonder what the champions would’ve looked like if they didn’t know about the dragons, would they have been more sure of themselves and overconfident? Or would they be even more anxious and pale?

Of course Harry got the Horntail… at least they put it last

Poor Cedric has to go first

“‘No, I’m fine,’ said Harry, wondering why he kept telling people this, and wondering whether he had ever been less fine.” LOL

Wow, Fleur did it in 10 minutes

Jeez, the anxiety Harry is experiencing is reminding me of whenever I’d have to do anything in front of a crowd in school… I’m getting flashbacks lol

Props to Harry for not losing his cool the moment he saw the dragon and for being able to concentrate on his firebolt

Did his firebolt avoid all the obstacles that were surely in its path? Or did it just crash through them? I guess it had to have avoided them or it would’ve crashed through the enclosure

Oooh what a delight to have Viktor Krum watch Harry and his flying skills

How are they keeping the dragon from thrashing the rest of the people in the stadium by the way? I guess it doesn’t care about the other creatures that aren’t after its eggs

The way he managed the dragon in the books was nice and quick, they really drew it out in the movie for the sake of keeping it dramatic I guess, but that meant that he had to take the dragon on an adventure. What would the teachers have done in that instance?? How would they have tried to recapture the dragon if it had broken free of it’s restraints? Also would Charlie and his coworkers have been in trouble if any of the champions had hurt the dragons? Because if I’m remembering correctly, in the movies the dragon ended up crashing into that big bridge thingy and falling into the lake or whatever, so would he have gotten in trouble for losing the dragon? So many unanswered questions!

Moody might’ve given Harry the idea, but Harry really outdid himself with actually carrying out the plan, great stuff!

Lucky that they learned summoning charms this year lol

“‘You two are so stupid!’ she shouted,...” Couldn’t have put it better myself girl

Also, glad it took a freaking dragon for Ron to realise that maybe it wasn’t Harry who put his name down for the death tournament

See? Krum’s idea resulted in a bunch of eggs getting destroyed! Now those dragon handlers have to deal with that damage! I guess they had it coming if they agreed for the dragons to be in the tournament in the first place… but stil!

Hmm… Ludo Bagman gave Harry a ten? I wonder why that is

Harry knows how to handle Rita Skeeter now… once bitten twice shy if you know what I mean *wink wink*

Chapter 21

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER NINETEEN: The Hungarian Horntail

At least with quidditch you know what to expect, whereas here, you have absolutely no idea what the first task is going to be Harry, so I fully understand the nerves

“The first task was drawing steadily nearer; he felt as though it were crouching ahead of him like some horrific monster, barring his path.” Hehehe, if you only knew Harry… I guess you are about to find out

“Admittedly, he didn’t see how Sirius was going to make him feel any better about having to perform an unknown piece of difficult and dangerous magic in front of hundreds of people, but the mere sight of a friendly face would be something at the moment.” Excuse me, what about Hermione? Is her face not friendly enough for you? Is she still in the hospital wing? Need I remind you, if it wasn’t for her insistence, you wouldn’t even be talking to Mr. Friendly-Face I’m-keeping-my-godson-up-on-a-school-night

Ok so I just realised that if he did try to talk to Harry on the weekend, they wouldn’t have any time alone because there’d probably be other students who were up late too, so it’s probably better that it’s on a school night... I’m sorry Sirius!

Ok but if they did need to drop a bag of Dungbombs as a worst case scenario for if anyone walked in on them talking to Sirius (who by the way neglected to tell them exactly how they were going to be contacted by him, so they really had to prepare for anything) would Filch really know who threw the Dungbombs? It could’ve been any of the Gryffindors and you know everyone would just assume it was Fred and George 

How is Rita Skeeter even allowed to continue to write with all the garbage she spews?

Oh Colin, you poor sweet thing

Well at least she said Hermione was stunningly pretty

OF COURSE HE SNAPPED JUST WHEN CHO SAID HI TO HIM… Give this boy a break Good Lord

Honestly, Hermione and I would’ve been best friends… We’d have never left the library or gone on all the adventures that Harry had, but we’d have our friendship at least lol

Oh, also I’d be in Hufflepuff so it’d be difficult but not too bad

Gee, I wonder why Viktor Krum is at the library so often

“‘He’s not even good-looking!’ she muttered angrily,” OOF I hope Krum didn’t hear that Hermione

Lol, I admire Hermione trying to get Harry and Ron to meet in the three broomsticks without actually telling the other

Oh I always love invisibility cloaks in the three broomsticks lol, you never know what you might hear…

Can you imagine being so stubborn as to hang out with the friend you’re talking to with your invisibility cloak so that you don’t have to talk to the friend you’re not talking to 

Yeah why doesn’t he do this roaming around in the invisibility cloak thing more often? I can’t imagine being under all this scrutiny and trying to go to classes and concentrate on schoolwork at the same time

Aw poor Hermione though

How are they even supposed to prepare for the first task? It's such an insane thing to expect of them… at least give them a hint like for the second task! Not that it helped Harry much

Is Hogsmeade the only all-wizard village in Britain? Well that kinda sucks

And apparently it’s a haven for hags lol

Oh because hags are not as adept as wizards at hiding themselves apparently, and that’s why they’re mostly at Hogsmeade

If invisible Harry did poke Ron in the back of the head, Ron would immediately know who it was lol

The way into the Hogwarts kitchens isn’t in Hogwarts a History? Just tickle the pear Hermione

Wait, how did Fred and George know how to get into the Hogwarts kitchens if it isn’t in Hogwarts a History or any of the books that Hermione has read about Hogwarts?

Wait a minute, it’s a saturday and they’re supposed to be meeting Sirius tonight? So it was on a weekend! Welp I guess I owe you another apology Sirius

“Moody had told them all during their last Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson that he preferred to prepare his own food and drink at all times, as it was so easy for Dark wizards to poison an unattended cup.” Oh, the irony

Lol Harry waved under the invisibility cloak

OH SNAP Moody saw him

Oh this was nicely timed, Moody probably told Hagrid to tell Harry about the first task and through sheer luck, Harry happened to be there just when they were about to leave

Oh crap I forgot about the Sirius meeting, Harry’s cutting it very close here

“The Creevey brothers had managed to get hold of a stack of ‘Support Cedric Diggory!’ badges and were trying to bewitch them to make them say ‘Support Harry Potter!’ instead. So far, however, all they had managed to do was get the badges stuck on POTTER STINKS.” I mean, that’s progress… now all they need to do is change the word STINKS to something else

Honestly Hermione and Harry make a great team

Oh yeah Hagrid’s got a date

BONG SEWER… I had to read that several times before I realised he was saying bonsoir

Yeah Hagrid could’ve at least given Harry an explanation before whisking him off to see the dragons

Is using wood to make enclosures for dragons a good idea?

Jeez, how far from the school are they that no one can hear the dragons? Oh there are probably spells for that sort of thing, never mind

Lol, Charlie Weasley sounds fun

“‘... I don’t envy the one who gets the Horntail. Vicious thing.’” Gee, I wonder who’s going to get the Horntail

Is Cedric the only one who wasn’t invited to the midnight dragon viewing party?

Can you imagine getting hit full force in the dark in the forbidden forest by nothing? I can’t imagine what Karkaroff thought it was

Lol what could possibly be worse than dragons that Sirius wants to talk about? Oh right, Voldemort. Harry’s life is really stressful

Honestly, hats off to Sirius for staying somewhat sane enough to remember that Karkaroff was in Azkaban with him, and for knowing about why they released him as well

WOW Sirius is really on to something, he realised something was wrong because someone tried to stop Moody from coming to Hogwarts… Definitely a lot smarter than I ever gave him credit for

Bertha Jorkins Harry! Remember her? Remember BERTHA JORKINS Harry???

Amazing, Sirius even called the whole Bertha Jorkins thing, fantastic

Oh she went to school with them, interesting

“‘Very nosy, but no brains, none at all.’” Ok I get that you’re trying to convince Harry, but have some respect for the dead Sirius. Or I guess the missing, since you guys don’t know she’s dead yet. Well one of you is supposed to know but I guess he’s dealing with a lot of things right now so I suppose we’ll have to forgive him

Gosh, of course the moment Sirius was about to help him, he got interrupted. Can’t Sirius send him the advice in a letter? I guess it would be too late then

Oof, it’s even more of a slap in the face that it was Ron who interrupted them

Oh Ron was worried because Harry wasn’t in bed, aw

I feel bad for both of them right now, but also STUPID FOOLS

Chapter 20

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: The Weighing of the Wands

Lol these Hogwarts students are so temperamental, one minute they all hate him because he lost house points or something, the next minute they love Harry and literally applaud when he walks in

Was Hermione just waiting outside of the portrait hole for him with a stack of toast? How long has she been there?

Of course Hermione accepted his story without question, she’s the only sane one at this school apparently

Hermione is so patient with these boys, she deserves a medal honestly

“‘I’m not telling him anything,’ Hermione said shortly. ‘Tell him yourself. It’s the only way to sort this out.’” Yass Hermione, you tell him

Sirius is really smart actually, I’ve never thought of him as anything more than mischievous

That’s true, Sirius is going to find out anyhow, and it’s probably better that he hears it from you first Harry. Listen to Hermione!

Why would you waste a piece of toast by throwing it in the lake Harry

Oh nice, I didn’t think the giant squid ate toast

Hermione just came fully prepared for this excursion lol, she had the toast, she had the quill, ink and parchment for the letter to Sirius as well

Woof, Hedwig���s jealous

Oh so the rest of the school is not happy with Harry being one of the champions, only the Gryffindors are

Honestly Ernie Macmillan should never be trusted, you just have to give him a situation where Harry might be suspected of something and Ernie Macmillian will never be on Harry’s side and Justin Finch Fletchley is not far behind him

Has there ever been an occasion when Hermione and Harry are fighting? I feel like Ron’s the common factor of any of the fights the trio have

Honestly I’m ashamed of all these Hufflepuffs turning a cold shoulder towards Harry, don’t they know that things aren’t usually his fault? I feel like most of them should know this by now, even if the first and second years don’t 

Lord, I forgot about Malfoy lol

The skrewts have been killing one another???? Good Lord

Ok I guess I do feel bad for Ron because of all the attention he doesn’t get, but there are better ways to handle things, especially with concern to the death tournament

Oof, poor Harry

And poor Hermione too

Malfoy went through the trouble of making these badges lol, whataguy

Oh Harry snapped, I don’t blame him

Wow their aim is TERRIBLE

Sigh, I should make a list of reasons why Snape is the worst, double agent or not

Poor Colin’s only flaw is being too cheerful to notice when anyone isn’t in the mood

“A paunchy man, holding a large black camera that was smoking slightly, was watching Fleur out of the corner of his eye.” Ew… was that really necessary?

Lol, Rita Skeeter is going to do a ‘small piece’ on the tournament, don’t they know this woman at all?

Lol it was actually a broom cupboard that she dragged him into, just like in the movie

She just has a handful of candles in her handbag

Why do people get golden teeth?

Oh, I see, the quill does all the writing for her? Did she enchant it somehow? How do Quick-Quotes Quills work, and why are journalists allowed to take credit for what the quills write?

Lol how did Dumbledore know which broom cupboard they were in?

How did she get the quill and the parchment into her bag so quickly

We can all learn a lesson from Dumbledore here about how to face your haters

Why bother hiding the QQQ from Dumbledore if she’s just going to use it again during the weighing of the wands?

Why is Mr. Ollivander the only one checking the wands? Why not have three people do it from each country of their respective schools?

What skills would you need to become a wandmaker? It seems like a very interesting craft

Who polishes their wand regularly? Also is polishing your wand an euphemism for something else? Either way,, we really don’t care to know that you polished your wand or not Cedric

Is Viktor Krum duck-footed because of all the time he spends on broomsticks?

Oooh Gregorovitch

Oh by the way, they never mentioned who made Fleur’s wand, especially since it has a Veela hair from her grandmother… Was it a family friend then? Or was using the Veela hair a special request from Fleur’s family to whoever the wandmaker was?

Ah, last but not the least, Mr. Potter

I mean, I wouldn’t expect Ollivander to forget, he only gave Harry his wand 3 years ago

Ah, I’d forgotten that the twin cores play an important role in this book

I mean, you of all people should know better than to assume that a famous person like Krum actually likes having his picture taken Harry

What happens if you can’t go to dinner because you were busy with something? Can you still go to the great hall and get some food? Or do you skip dinner for that day? Because that sucks

The 22nd of November better be a Saturday Sirius, you better not be asking Harry to stay up on a school night

IT WAS A TUESDAY SIRIUS! I CHECKED! BAD SIRIUS!

Chapter 19

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: The Four Champions

Can you imagine being Harry in this moment? I’d shit me pants mate

I was going to ask where the bravado he had from imagining himself as champion had gone, but then I realised he’s probably freaking out because of the age restriction and the trouble he’s going to get into for that rather than actually getting picked for the death tournament

Interesting that McGonagall was the first to do something here, she probably told Dumbledore to call him up and let him go into the room where the other champions were and talk to him there, though I can’t imagine what they’d have done otherwise… Scold him in front of everyone? Or escort him out of the hall? The latter would’ve worked too I feel

Ok, if Fred and George managed to put their names in and one of them (or both?!?) got chosen, I don’t think anyone would be quite as flabbergasted as they are now, they’d have been cheering them on! I suppose it’s shocking mainly because nobody knew that Harry even tried to put his name in, much less wanted to, and the fact that he managed to do it under all their noses

Although, now that I think of it, if someone managed to put their name in and get chosen, even if it were Fred and George, everyone would probably have the same astonished reaction

Also this is a pretty major flaw in the method of picking champions

Oof, I thought Dumbledore was trying to stay calm, but it appears he’s either very very angry or just trying to figure out ‘how this happened’, since the ‘why this happened’ is pretty obvious

Oh I think I get it now, the book is named the Goblet of Fire because it sets into motion the rest of the events, by picking Harry as a Triwizard Champion

Also, I guess the Goblet of Fire didn’t get the memo about the age restriction

I don’t know why Harry’s expecting anyone to smile or wink or wave at him, though I suppose he’s looking for those things to help him cope with the shock of what just happened

The annoying thing about Hogwarts is that even the portraits know what’s going on everywhere… I suppose it’s a great security measure but that just means there’s no privacy ANYWHERE

Lol, the only three people who aren’t shocked only because they haven’t heard the news yet

“It struck him how very tall all of them were.” Aww, Harry

I don’t know why Cedric is fazed, this kind of insane stuff always happens at Hogwarts and Harry is almost always involved

Fleur, why on earth would anyone bring some young kid in here to crack a joke about the ‘fourth Triwizard Champion’? It’s not even funny

Why do we have to go with what the goblet says? What’s going to happen if we just don’t do what the goblet tells us to do? Nobody ever talks about this possibility. Also, Bagman says we have to ‘follow the rules’ but one of the rules is the age restriction, so, following the rules would be breaking them wouldn’t they?

Lol, trust Harry to get angry at being called a little boy by Fleur when there are clearly more pressing matters to deal with

I like that the other two Heads of school are annoyed that Hogwarts has two champions instead of oh, I don’t know, the fact that this kid is much too young and could very much die? Also the fact that he’s so much younger than them, he’s not even on par with them

Also you would think having two champions from one school is so unfair to the other schools, that they’d disqualify Harry because of the beloved rules

Ah, so they only brought the eligible students from their schools, as confirmed by Karkaroff saying that he’d have brought a wider selection of candidates

Lol, Snape’s like: this stupid goddamned kid that I’m secretly protecting keeps getting himself into dumbass scrapes

“‘Did you put your name into the Goblet of Fire, Harry?’ he asked calmly.” This line’s iconic only because it fuels the fandom’s rage lol

Ok but, if you can ask an older student to do it then that’s a grave oversight no? I get that you trust your teachers not to break the rules, but do you really trust your students that much? Also with people like Karkaroff roaming around the school, I wouldn’t take any chances with having a flaw in your champion selection plan, Dumbledore

I like that McGonagall is standing up for Harry and trusting his integrity

Oof McGonagall vs Snape started as early as this

I love that Snape could be annoyed not only because he’s jealous that Harry’s the centre of attention yet again but also probably because he’s in danger yet again and he has to protect/help him somehow, not because he wants to but because he’s obligated to

As if Barty Crouch needs anything more to worry about, the most famous child in the world has been entered into the death tournament

Ok, but what happens if you don’t follow the rules?? Nobody’s talking about that!!!

Ok, so if the Goblet of Fire has gone out, it’s not going to hurt anyone for not competing is it?

Ok, what do you mean by ‘binding magical contract’ Moody? Finally we’re getting somewhere

It’s funny that Moody himself should say ‘convenient’ here, he was trying to implicate Karkaroff

I love how nobody’s thought of the fact that Harry could literally die, or the fact that any of them could die for that matter, because they were all bickering about how unfair it was for Hogwarts to have two champions

If you thought Moody was an odd choice Karkaroff, you should’ve seen Lockhart

Oh interesting, apparently you can put a very powerful confundus charm on the goblet to make it forget that it’s a triwizard tournament. I never paid attention to that fact before.

Lol, Karkaroff is so close to the truth here when he suspects Moody but nobody’s going to believe him

Choosing Moody for this plan was really a fantastic idea, though I suppose for Voldemort it was dumb luck that Dumbledore picked Moody to be the new DADA teacher? Or did he plan that as well? I guess we’ll never know

Who came up with the name ‘Mad-Eye’ for Moody? I bet he did it himself before anyone else could come up with something worse

Ok nobody’s mentioned what could happen if they broke this magical contract

What is wrong with Bagman? What does he have to gain by Harry being in this tournament? Why is he happy about it? Wow I really forgot all the details about this book didn’t I

Oh poor Mr. Crouch is having a rough time

Hmmm, I wonder what happened between the Quidditch World Cup and now that gave Mr. Crouch those dark shadows and that papery look about his wrinkled skin

“‘The first task is designed to test your daring,’” Ok then this should be a breeze for Harry, given the last three years of his life

“‘...Courage in the face of the unknown is an important quality in a wizard… very important.’” Ok, but why? Is facing constant danger a side effect of being a wizard? Or is it because having magic puts you in the face of danger because you believe you can tackle whatever the danger is with magic? All I’m saying is you can be a scaredy cat and still be a good wizard, though I can’t think of a single one at the moment

Ok if this ‘magical contract’ is so strong, how come Harry is able to get help from Hagrid and Moody?

We’re facing life and death situations but at least we don’t have to answer tests!

Barty Crouch and Ludo Bagman vaguely remind me of Ernie and Bert

It must suck that nobody believes Harry

Ah, I understand now, fantasizing about it isn’t the same as entering the tournament. Gotcha.

It’s so frustrating that Harry has all the answers but not the entire plan, so he doesn’t think Voldemort could be behind this, or at least, if Voldemort is actually behind this, he doesn’t see how

“‘Well, well well,’ said the Fat Lady, ‘Violet’s just told me everything. Who’s just been chosen as school champion, then?’ ‘Balderdash,’ said Harry dully. ‘It most certainly isn’t!’ said the pale witch indignantly. ‘No, no, Vi, it’s the password,’ said the Fat Lady soothingly, and she swung forward on her hinges to let Harry into the common room.” LOL

Ok so everyone is cheering for him now, they were just very shocked earlier

Jeez Ron, did you really want to enter this tournament that badly

Also, is a thousand galleons and the ability to skip tests really worth the danger of this tournament? I feel like these kids need to examine their priorities more

I mean, even if Ron doesn’t believe you, Hermione would. Ginny would too I think.

Chapter 18

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: The Goblet of Fire

Ah, now we’re talking… Let’s get this plot moving!

Can you imagine your crush*coughcough* I mean “favourite quidditch player” just showing up at your school because apparently he hasn’t graduated yet? And now your school has to host his school for this deadly tournament? The fanfiction writes itself...

Lol, the girls looking around for quills, and that girl who’s wondering if he’ll sign her hat in lipstick, I have news for you: HE’S GOING TO BE HERE FOR THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR. RELAX.

Ron!! Not you too!! 

Is there really a place for all the students at the regular house tables? I seriously overestimated the amount of students that go to this school… or even the other schools

Of course the Dumstrang students went to the Slytherin table

Lol remember how smug Malfoy was when he thought he was going to be best friends with Harry Potter? And now he’s trying the same thing with Krum?

Haha, saying the Dumstrang students look “a lot happier than the Beauxbatons lot” really says a lot about Beauxbatons

Lol, the Hogwarts students laughing when the Beauxbatons students stood up when their headmistress entered the room says a lot about the discipline of Hogwarts students

Ugh, I take back what I said about the Beauxbatons’ discipline, a girl just derisively laughed in the middle of Dumbledore’s speech

Lol, Ron, it’s just French cuisine, it’s not even from the outside of Europe

There were barely twenty additional students there????? How many students go to these schools???? Ten each?????

OMG is derisive-laugh-girl Fleur Delacour?? 

Lol, Hermione’s just not having a good day today is she

Hahaha “‘They don’t make them like that at Hogwarts!’ ‘They make them okay at Hogwarts,’ said Harry without thinking. Cho happened to be sitting only a few places away from the girl with the silvery hair.”

“‘When you’ve both put your eyes back in,’ said Hermione briskly, ‘you’ll be able to see who’s just arrived.’” LOL, love you, Hermione

Ooooh, it’s starting!

Haha Bartemius sounds dumb, Bartholomew sounds cooler

Oh was Bagman working on the Triwizard Tournament for the last few months? Is that why he wasn’t really doing anything at the Quidditch World Cup? Or is he just a slacker? I guess we’ll have to find out…

Oh so there’ll be five judges, and it’s good that two of them are somewhat impartial… 

Dennis Creevey stood on his chair and still couldn’t see?? How tiny is he?? Were other people standing on chairs too??

Do children really need to be tested on their ability to cope with danger? I understand the testing of their magical prowess, their powers of deduction and even their daring, but do we really need to willingly put them in danger?? Is it really that entertaining?

Ooooh finally, they’re talking about the Goblet of Fire!

Also if I didn’t already know what the Goblet of Fire was, I would absolutely be confused by those words. To start with, I didn’t even know what the word ‘goblet’ meant at the age I was when Goblet of Fire was released, and even if I did, I would have wondered if the goblet itself was made of fire, and what on earth made Rowling even come up with it?

Also I feel like Harry Potter and the Triwizard Tournament would’ve been a better title for this book… mainly because the Goblet of Fire is talked about only in a couple of chapters I think… it’s never really mentioned again after the champions have been chosen and the Tournament is under way. So if the reason for the title is only mentioned in a few chapters, then the book could’ve been called Harry Potter and the Maze of Death, or Harry Potter and the Golden Egg, or even Harry Potter and the Riddle House! It’s mentioned more than the Goblet of Fire I think! I guess the whole plot kind of depends on the Goblet, so maybe that’s why it was named after it? And maybe Triwizard Tournament is a bit on the nose… Goblet of Fire really does make you wonder what the book could possibly be about without really giving anything away. Ok, I guess that whole rant was for no reason lol

Oh it’s a wooden cup. And it’s large. One large goblet of fire please

Oh wow the cup was full of flames while it was in the bejeweled chest? 

Lol now that we know what the Goblet of Fire is, the question still remains, how is it going to choose champions? LET’S FIND OUT

Oh wow they only have twenty-four hours to decide if they want to be champions? Oh wait, Dumbledore already told them about it earlier, so I guess they had enough time to decide

Of course they’re going to pick the names on Halloween night, everything important in the Harry Potter universe happens on Halloween night

Please be very sure you want to enter the death tournament, as there is no backing out after you enter, so no pressure

Why are Fred and George still keen on entering this tournament? Why am I wasting my time asking?

Ah, I see, people only see the glory and can’t really see what it will take to get the glory

Lol, the other hopeful Dumstrang boy asking Karkaroff for wine when Krum just turned down his offer… the poor fool

Now that I know Karkaroff has white hair, I keep imagining him looking like Saruman the White, but with a haircut… y’know?

Ooh, Karkaroff found Harry

Hah, now they’re all staring at Harry like how Ron was staring at Krum, the Dumstrang students are probably used to being around a famous person though

Oooh, Halloween was on a Saturday!

Lol, I bet Dumbledore already knew that Fred and George were gonna try this

Oh ok, it’s because he knew in general that some of his students would absolutely try this

Aww, Dumbledore complimented their beards! That’s sweet of him

Oh wow, I just realised that this chapter is pretty long

Hey, how come Lee didn’t try it out? Unless they transformed before he could jump in so he was saved the trouble of even trying

You mean to say there aren’t already live bats around the enchanted ceiling? Or do they only come out at Halloween?

Hey! Don’t be calling Warrington a sloth! Sloths are cute! Don’t insult sloths

Tbh I think a Slytherin champion would be perfect, they’re shrewd, cunning, ambitious, and I feel like they would actually weigh the pro’s and con’s before taking the leap (I’m looking at you, Gryffindors)

Ooooh, go Angelina Johnson!

Why is everyone hating on Cedric? He seems like a nice person… when Harry fell off his broom last year he wanted to forfeit his win because he didn’t know that happened when he caught the snitch. He’s even in Hufflepuff for goodness sake! I guess people are just jealous that he’s nice and has good looks

“‘Yeah, better you than Pretty-Boy Diggory,’ said Seamus, causing several Hufflepuffs passing their table to scowl heavily at him.” I love that the worst thing the Hufflepuffs do in this moment is ‘heavily scowl at him’

Come on Ron, you’re really asking what’s with Hermione constantly advocating for house-elf rights?? It’s Hermione! Have you ever known her to not do anything at a 110% capacity?

Ah, yes, it’s the veela-girl

“‘What d’you reckon’ll happen to the ones who aren’t chosen?’ Ron muttered to harry as the veela-girl dropped her parchment into the Goblet of Fire. ‘Reckon they’ll go back to school, or hang around to watch the tournament?’” Ohhh ok, so did they just invite the students that were eligible for the tournament to Hogwarts?? Because then that would explain the numbers

I think the skrewts are probably the worst thing about this book

I guess Fred and George can’t actually just shave their beards, they’re probably magical… Is Dumbledore’s beard magical I wonder?

Oooh, the school champions are going to be announced! Exciting!

Poor Hagrid… he’s just trying his best to look good!

There’s a lot of love in the air lol

They’ve finally finished eating! Here we go…

I didn’t expect to be this excited lol

How does Dumbledore know that the Goblet will be ready in one minute?

Oooh, the lights have been dimmed! Sort of!

It’s starting…!

The champion for Dumstrang!

Ah, who’d’ve guessed it would be Viktor Krum? Everyone apparently

Beauxbatons!!

Did Joanne mean for Fleur Delacour’s name to rhyme?

Oh, also, I just realised that Beauxbatons means ‘beautiful…. batons’ I guess, and Fleur Delacour means ‘flower of the court’...

Ah yes, we find out now that derisive-laugh, veela-girl is Fleur Delacour

Oh wow, the other Beauxbatons students didn’t take that well at all

Ooooh, now comes the moment of truth! Hogwarts championnnnn!

Cedriiccccc!!! Wooowoo!! Hufflepuuuufffff!!!!!

Boo Ron!! And yaay Hufflepuffs!! The whole house got on their feet!! They’re probably excited because for once it wasn’t Slytherin or Gryffindor stealing the limelight

Ohh the Goblet of Fire has turned red again?? Whatever for? All the champions have been picked haven’t they?? Hmm, strange indeed…

It seems the Goblet of Fire wants to stir up some drama here… is it sentient?

Harry Potter?? No that can’t be… How can his name be entered into a dangerous tournament that can almost definitely result in his untimely death? How could such a thing happen to this boy?? Strange times indeed… NEXT CHAPTER!

Chapter 17

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Beauxbatons and Dumstrang

Oh, the poor boy was just worried about Sirius coming back. I don’t think anyone besides Dumbledore is going to know if Sirius is nearby. I don’t think there’s any reason to worry really

Also the letter Harry’s written to Sirius doesn’t sound very convincing lol, Sirius is going to see right through it 

Oh, I never realised that the owlery was a part of the main castle! I always assumed it was separate. I guess I'll have both the movies and the games to thank for that

“... sliding a little on the dropping-strewn floor.” Wouldn’t the droppings have dried up by now? Or are they suggesting that the droppings are always fresh and don’t really get time to dry up? Also ew, why am I even continuing on this tangent?

Haha, Hedwig got jealous of Pigwidgeon

Yikes Moody

Did Dumbledore actually give the green light on this hands-on learning for the unforgivable curses? Or is everyone just afraid to Moody, enough to not actually confirm with Dumbledore?

“It was the most wonderful feeling” is probably not how you would expect an unforgivable curse to be described as

He fractured both his kneecaps?!?!?! Or did it just feel like he did????

Lol, trust Harry to be the only one to fight it, enough so that the teacher uses him as an example… didn’t the teacher use his help once before in the DADA class?? Oh wait that was just Lockhart being a narcissist… never mind

These kids are so used to leaving their classes with some kind of after-effects put on them that nobody is even fazed by random behaviours like ‘skipping on every alternate step’

Would the hedgehog still get hurt if you turned it into a pin cushion?? What exactly are the rules when it comes to transfiguration?

LOL top marks from Professor Trelawney

Ah Snape, nothing like a death threat to get students to finish their homework correctly

Three extra books to learn one summoning charm? Ok, I think they might be right, maybe the homework is a bit too much

Haha, nobody knows what blast-ended skrewts eat but they’re growing somehow

Ooooh good on you Hagrid! Never let them forget about Ferret Malfoy

Ron, how could you have already forgotten about Cedric, he’s basically your neighbour

“‘That idiot, Hogwarts champion?’ said Ron…” Oh ok, apparently Ron does remember Cedric lol

What’s wrong with being a good student who is good at quidditch and is also handsome, Ron?

LOL, oof, Ron playing the Lockhart card… he’s right about that Hermione

Oh, Neville

What is a cockatrice??

Oh wow that is not what I was expecting a cockatrice to be. For some reason I imagined a slightly large parrot… It’s a dragon with a rooster head basically

“‘... A Highly Biased and Selective History of Hogwarts, Which Glosses Over the Nastier Aspects of the School.’” She has a point, also that title is great

How could you have already forgotten about House-Elves Ron!! This is Hermione we are talking about! What else could she have possibly meant by that Ron???

I didn’t know that ‘Hogwarts, A History’ mentioned the Triwizard Tournament though

Whoa, a thousand pages? Well, it is Hogwarts we’re talking about… and Hogwarts is pretty old

Poor Hermione

HA! Sirius saw right through your letter Harry. I told you!

Honestly Hermione, I think you should give them ‘Hogwarts, a History’ for their birthdays… Though I suppose it wouldn’t do them any good

Also, I think it was on the booklist in their first year… so they should already have it with them anyway

Holy cow, winged palomino horses the size of elephants??? How did that detail escape me??? That’s just scary

“... a shoe the size of a child’s sled…” Wow that’s huger than what I was imagining

Aaah, so the horses are proportional to Madame Maxime

Really? Do the students really have to tiptoe to see the giant woman??

Haha, Dumbly-dort

Only a dozen pupils??

Oh maybe a dozen boys and girls each… that’s still not enough

The horses only drink single-malt whiskey… amazing

So they just… appeared out of the lake? From a whirlpool? Pretty cool

Unctuous is a weird word

And Karkaroff has white hair? Thank you movie, for making me imagine him with black hair all this time

You know that people with goatees that end with a curl are up to something

Also, you didn’t have to go after his ‘weak chin’ Harry

Oh, Krum you say? How exciting! Who knew Krum would be here

Chapter 16

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: The Unforgivable Curses

Did Neville melt his sixth cauldron that year? Or just in total? Six cauldrons in four years isn’t too bad 

Oh oh I think this is the chapter that’s one of my favourites, not the last one

Gee, I wonder what caused Professor Snape to attain new levels of vindictiveness over the summer

Good God he had to disembowel horned toads???? Poor Neville

Hmm… wonder why Snape’s wary of Moody

Why is Hermione going to the library so much? 

Oh yeah because of the house-elves ok

Oof, bet they’re gonna re-think sitting right in the front at the teacher’s desk soon

Must be fun to have your eyes move independently of each other… like here for instance, he can check names off the list and he can make sure every person is actually there in the classroom

Wow, Professor Lupin actually sent him a letter about the stuff they’ve covered, he had to have been the most thorough teacher... We’ll miss you Remus

Lol, Moody knows very well about the cursed DADA position

Let’s jump right into curses!

Does Professor Dumbledore really know what you’re doing Moody? Did he really say to show them the three unforgivable curses? I’m not too sure about that…

I would think that if you knew that he could see out of the back of his head, then it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he can see through solid wood at what Lavender’s doing with her horoscope

Yep, Ron’s starting to regret the front seat

Yeah making the spider tap-dance sounded funny until he pointed out that he could do it to them

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Here, the rest of us don’t know why he asked if Neville’s last name was Longbottom, it seems like a perfectly normal thing to do… unfortunately we’ll find out soon enough why this isn’t random

TGFH

I wondered what made her look back at Neville, then I realised she probably didn’t want to see the horror right in front of her and turned away

Ah, I see, it’s not that nobody knew the answer to the last one, it’s more so that nobody wanted to give it

‘Only one known person has ever survived it, and he’s sitting right in front of me.’ CHILLS

I forgot that Harry didn’t know exactly how his parents died… and I guess he didn’t really want to know either

“Harry had been picturing his parent’s deaths over and over again for three years now, ever since he found out they had been murdered…” Oh whoops, forget what I said earlier then

Also, poor Harry

I love the ‘CONSTANT VIGILANCE’ bit lol

“They were talking about the lesson, Harry thought, as though it had been some sort of spectacular show, but he hadn’t found it very entertaining - and nor, it seemed, had Hermione.” Yeah, I’m starting to worry about the children of Hogwarts, with the exception of Hermione of course

It’s nice that he went back to check on Neville and Harry

“Neville looked even more frightened at the prospect of tea with Moody.” Lol

Ron, you moron

“He looked a good deal calmer than at the end of Moody’s lesson, though still not entirely normal. His eyes were rather red.” NEVILLE, MY POOR CHILD! Someone give him a hug!

It was really nice of Moody to first, tell Neville what Professor Sprout had said about him and second, help him feel better with a herbology book

“There was a faint note of pride in his voice that Harry had rarely heard there before.” YOU’RE A GOOD BEAN NEVILLE

“Telling Neville what Professor Sprout had said, Harry thought, had been a very tactful way of cheering Neville up,...” Harry agrees with me!

‘You know her - just put in loads of misery, she’ll lap it up.’ LOL he’s not wrong

Oh, I love this part… On Monday, he’ll be in danger of burns, Tuesday he’ll lose a treasured possession, and then he’ll get stabbed in the back by someone he thought was a friend. Wednesday Ron will come off worse in a fight and Harry will lose a bet. Some excellent foreshadowing going on here lol

Also, Harry was flicking through Unfogging the Future for ideas because apparently it’s just full of misery

“Crookshanks wandered over to them, leapt lightly into an empty chair, and stared inscrutably at Harry, rather as Hermione might look if she knew they weren’t doing their homework properly.” I love it

Whatever Fred and George are doing absolutely has something to do with the Triwizard Tournament

Oh so apparently it might not be related to the Triwizard Tournament

Oh so Ron will be drowning at some point? Interesting… 

Ok, maybe decapitation is a bit too far outside the area of foreshadowing 

LOL, I don’t know if this was intentional, but Harry thinks about decapitation just before he asks Hermione, ‘What’s in the box’! Like that movie about the seven deadly sins! Was it called Se7en? Yep! This might just be a coincidence though. In fact, it probably is

How did she make the badges?

The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare!

‘Stop the Outrageous Abuse of Our Fellow Magical Creatures and Campaign for a Change in Their Legal Status’ would become S.O.A.O.F.M.C.C.C.T.L.S. So yeah, I guess that definitely won’t fit on a badge… I just wanted to make sure

“There was a pause in which Hermione beamed at the pair of them, and Harry sat, torn between exasperation at Hermione and amusement at the look on Ron’s face.” That’s just a summary of their friendship right there

Hedwig!

Lol, with Harry hitting his head and then the table, Hedwig must be a little taken aback, especially since she did her job so well

Harry! There’s no need to be rude to Hedwig!!

Oh, Harry has no idea about what’s going to come to pass… Sirius is right, and really smart

Harry, if Sirius hasn’t gotten caught by now, chances are he’s not going to get caught any time soon… 

“The dormitory was completely silent, and, had he been less preoccupied, Harry would have realized that the absence of Neville’s usual snores meant that he was not the only one lying awake.” THERE WAS NO NEED FOR THAT J K ROWLING

Chapter 15

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Mad-Eye Moody

Oooh, I love this chapter!! 

Why doesn’t Harry just drop Divination if he hates it so much? For the plot? For the plot.

“‘You should have given it up like me, shouldn’t you?’ said Hermione briskly,...” ok the amount of times Hermione has pulled the words right out of my mouth is getting spooky

Oh yeah, Hedwig still hasn’t returned with Sirius’ letter

Ah yes, bobotubers, nobody’s missed you

Ew, you have to collect the pus

Oh, it’s a remedy for acne?

Who would try to curse anything near their face, much less the pimples on their face?

Oh, so there is a school bell… lol I don’t think I’ve heard of it until now, or maybe I just wasn’t paying attention 

Goodbye Hufflepuffs,  hello Slytherins

Oh no, I forgot about the blast-ended skrewts… nobody’s missed them either

Gosh the first day of fourth-year is just the worst

Oh, in addition to looking ‘eurgh!’, they smell like rotting fish, great

Hagrid, please, why did you decide to make raising skrewts a project if you didn’t know what they’re good for, or even what they eat

“‘First pus and now this,’ muttered Seamus.” Yeah, I’m sorry Seamus

I mean, (and this is probably the only time I’ll say it) Malfoy’s got a point

Oh, nice one Hermione! You put me in my place too

“... Hermione began to eat so fast that Harry and Ron stared at her. ‘Er- is this the new stand on elf rights?’ said Ron. ‘You’re going to make yourself puke instead?’” Lol

I wonder why she needs to go to the library

I wonder which of the things Harry dreads will ‘...indeed come to pass…’

‘...your mean stature…’ lol

Aaah… the whole ‘you were born in midwinter’ thing lol… we all laughed it off as a joke since he’s born in the middle of summer until someone on Tumblr just had to point out how it could have been possible that she was talking about the part of Voldemort that’s inside Harry since Voldemort was born midwinter

“Ron hastily turned his laugh into a hacking cough.” lol

“‘Aaaaah,’ said Ron, imitating Professor Trelawney’s mystical whisper, ‘when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born, Harry…’” LOL

“‘Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?’ said Ron.” RONALD WEASLEY!

See, another reason why Harry should’ve picked Arithmancy, no homework on the first day

Of course, the article about Mr Weasley is by Rita Skeeter

Haha joke’s on them, there is no ‘Arnold Weasley’

Ok, why are the trio staying to hear the rest of this? Especially since everyone apparently has stopped to listen too? Unless the entrance to the Great Hall is so jam-packed that nobody’s moving and neither can they? I’m a fool

Ok if you can’t go into the Great Hall, then just go anywhere else, so if he starts to follow you, go lock him in an abandoned classroom or something… broom cupboard! Broom cupboard is better

How the hell did Skeeter find out about that Moody business

‘Don’t you dare insult my mother, Potter.’ ah, so the slimeball can’t take what he dishes out

OH THE BEST PART

Oh ouch… ten feet is a pretty substantial height for a ferret

He keeps hitting it on the stone floor! That’s a student Moody!

“‘Teach- Moody, is that a student?’ shrieked Professor McGonagall,...” LOL iconic

Also, at this point, Moody is Barty Crouch Junior in disguise, which means that even he was so disgusted by Malfoy’s behaviour, and he's a death eater… what he did with the ferret though, that was a bit much

I kinda wondered why BCJr would defend Harry like that and then I realised, he had to get into Harry’s good books for Harry to be able to trust him later on

Oof, I wonder how Malfoy will ever get over this

I’m actually surprised Hermione isn’t really that horrified, then again Malfoy is a little shit stain so I guess he had it coming 

“‘He could have really hurt Malfoy, though,’ she said.” :-O I DID IT AGAIN

Maybe I should just read ahead to make sure Hermione hasn’t already thought of what I said lol

Ok so this wasn’t the chapter I was thinking about when I said it was my favourite, but it was a hell of a good chapter, that much I can tell you

Chapter 14

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER TWELVE: The Triwizard Tournament

Ah, finally, we don’t have to keep secrets anymore

Hmmm, some spooky weather we’re having here… thundering, lightning… I wonder what’s afoot

Peeves, it’s lovely to see you too

“The Sorting of the new students into Houses took place at the start of every school year, but by an unlucky combination of circumstances, Harry hadn’t been present at one since his own. He was quite looking forward to it.” Yeah, I love that, that’s actually pretty funny

It’s so cute that both the Creevey brothers turned out to be wizards

Yeah, it’s  only downhill from here with regards to the DADA teachers

Oooh, we’re getting a rundown of all the teachers!

Ok, Snape really doesn’t need that many adjectives all for himself

Ah yes, Professor Dumbledore… cherish these few precious moments Professor, your time’s running out

Really? You couldn’t have just made the first-years get on the carriages? Is this really how you wanted them to see Hogwarts for the first time? From beneath the lake? Is that really better than pneumonia?

Oh, so the Sorting Hat belonged to Gryffindor!

How do the children know which house is sitting at which table? I suppose they’d walk towards the right table because the people at that table would be cheering for them

“Harry caught a glimpse of Cho, the Ravenclaw Seeker, cheering Stewart Ackerley as he sat down. For a fleeting second, Harry had a strange desire to join the Ravenclaw table too.” haha idiot.

Ok, there’s no need to hiss at new students just because they’re in Slytherin... 

Wow, the sorting hat barely sat on Dennis Creevey’s head before it shouted ‘Gryffindor’

Aw the giant squid pushed him back in the boat

Is the giant squid sentient?

“‘Wow!’ said Dennis, as though nobody in their wildest dreams could hope for more than being thrown into a storm-tossed, fathoms-deep lake, and pushed out of it again by a giant sea monster.” I love the Creevey brothers and they need to be protected

Wow, Ron is just not in the mood today, is he

“‘I do hope this year’s batch of Gryffindors are up to scratch,’ said Nearly Headless Nick, applauding as ‘McDonald, Natalie!’ joined the Gryffindor table.” Apparently, Natalie McDonald was an actual little nine-year-old girl who was a fan of the Harry Potter books but died of Leukemia before Goblet of Fire was released. Even sadder, she passed away the day before J.K. Rowling responded to her personally by email. So of course, J.K. Rowling immortalised Natalie forever in one of the biggest bestselling book series of all time. Rest in peace Natalie.

Ok, Gryffindor only won the Inter-House Championship for the last three years in a row because Harry Potter is Dumbledore’s pet project

Yeah, do the teachers get to Hogwarts before all the students so that they can make preparations for them? Or do they show up with them on the Hogwarts Express? Or do they not have to take the train at all since they can just apparate into Hogsmeade? I just thought of Lupin now, who took the train to Hogwarts instead of apparating… but he must’ve done that because he was exhausted 

Oh the largest number of house-elves in any dwelling in Britain, that’s interesting

You have to admire Hermione’s determination

Although, it kinda sucks that house-elves aren’t given credit for anything or mentioned anywhere, apparently not even in Hogwarts a History, since even Hermione didn’t know about them

Ok, would ‘Spotted dick’ appeal to anyone who isn’t British?

Sucks for whoever was the Quidditch captain that year, since the Quidditch cup would not take place that year… unless they didn’t really assign any captain badges

Also, thank God Oliver Wood won his Quidditch Cup last year since this year they were straight-up not having it 

Lord, do we really need any more drama that prevents us from hearing what’s going to be happening this year at Hogwarts? I feel like the deafening rumble of thunder and the doors of the great hall banging open to interrupt Dumbledore, just as he was about to say exactly what we want to know, is a bit much

 What a fantastic entrance though

Lol, everyone’s just staring at Mad-Eye as he goes up to the table and then starts to eat after everyone has already finished, Dumbledore then realises he’s supposed to introduce him, and then nobody acknowledges the introduction, they just continue to stare. Hagrid and Dumbledore are the only ones who applauded for him, and even then they stopped very quickly. Again, what an entrance.

Wow, he has a wooden leg, with a clawed foot

And Dumbledore just continues on with what he was saying like nothing happened

Gee, I wonder why this event has not been held for over a century. I wonder what possessed them to decide, ‘Oh hey, maybe, just maybe, this event is extremely dangerous for children between the ages of 11-17, or anyone really’. I wonder why nobody disagreed with whoever that was until now. Also, why is Britain suddenly playing host to big events? 

Lol, imagine being addressed by name by Dumbledore himself at the great hall

“‘I am not joking, Mr Weasley,’ he said, ‘though now that you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag, and a leprechaun who all go into a bar.’ Professor McGonagall cleared her throat loudly. ‘Er - but maybe this is not the time… no…’ said Dumbledore.” LOL he just dropped this bomb and then goes on a tangent about jokes

Ooh, a little Triwizard Tournament history

Ok so, despite this rapidly rising death toll, you guys decided to continue the tournament?? Is establishing ties between young witches and wizards of different nationalities really that important? Just teach them the concept of ‘pen-pals’! Nobody loves sending letters more than wizards and witches!

HARRY! YOU KNOW DEATH JUST FOLLOWS YOU AROUND!!! JUST LAST YEAR SOMEONE WANTED TO MURDER YOU!!! HOW ARE YOU NOT ANXIOUS AT ALL??? IS HERMIONE REALLY THE ONLY SANE PERSON IN THIS SCHOOL????

“‘...We have worked hard over the summer to ensure that this time, no champion will find himself or herself in mortal danger.’” BITCH PLEASE! Your students find themselves in mortal danger on a regular basis! Need I remind you of that murderer that escaped and started targeting a student in your school just last year? Or the fact that there was a DORMANT GIANT SNAKE LIVING IN THE PLUMBING THAT DECIDED TO TAKE A STROLL ONLY A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO?? AND THAT THERE WERE LITERALLY STUDENTS PETRIFIED AS WELL BECAUSE OF IT?? And what about the fact that y’all were using a giant three-headed dog and a couple of trolls - ONE OF WHICH MANAGED TO ESCAPE BY THE WAY - to protect the Philosopher’s Stone from Voldemort himself, and that none of that mattered since Voldemort was literally on the back of one of the teacher’s heads all along???? ‘Ensure that no student finds themselves in mortal danger’ my ASS. And all of this stuff is just scraping the surface. I forgot to mention the acromantula that live in the forest, along with God knows how many other dangerous creatures and plants (can’t forget to mention THE WHOMPING WILLOW). Honestly. How can you even say that with a straight face??

Wow, I really went off there didn’t I

Of course, the selection of champions will take place on Halloween. Everything always happens on Halloween.

Why would you be outraged that they put an age restriction?? Do you want to die an eleven-year-old?

Also, would it really be a fair tournament if a seventeen-year-old competes with an eleven-year-old?

I’m sorry, what kind of stuff do y’all wanna do that they are gonna let the champions do, Fred and George?

‘An impartial judge’ lol

Hermione is literally the only one pointing out the most troubling part of all of this: that people have L I T E R A L L Y  D I E D

And they keep brushing it off by saying ‘it happened a hundred years ago’ like death is not a problem any more now that it’s a hundred years later

I mean, part of Harry’s dream came true, just not in the way anyone would’ve wanted it

I like that his fantasies of him and Cho are just Cho glowing with admiration for him, lol

Chapter 13

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Aboard the Hogwarts Express

Ok, it’s fourth year, so I feel like by now at least they would stop telling us that they’re going to change into their Hogwarts robes on the train and not before they leave… We just went through the “trying to dress like muggles so that no one suspects anything” fiasco, so again, it’s safe to say we know 

Amos Diggory’s face is in the fire!

Lol, Mad-Eye was ambushed by his dustbins

Oh yeah, also people who read this book for the first time were probably like: who the heck is Mad-Eye?? Why is his Eye Mad?

Oh, what’s Mad-Eye’s new job?

I always find Mrs Weasley feeding Amos Diggory’s head that’s in the fire with tongs part incredibly weird lol, also, wouldn’t the toast burn?? What’s the rule for putting food in the mouth of the person who’s communicating by fire?

Lol it’s pretty funny that Mad-Eye’s last name is ‘Moody’... especially since he tends to be exactly that

Ooh, we find out what Aurors are!

Why did they let Mrs Weasley use the telephone to order the taxis when they could easily have let either Harry or Hermione do it?

“‘Arthur tried to borrow ministry cars for us,’ … ‘But there weren’t any to spare…’” of course there weren’t any to spare, Harry isn’t in any serious danger that Fudge will get blamed for any more

These poor muggle taxi drivers lol

They always go to the station differently every year, don’t they… for Harry, first year was with the Dursleys, second was in the Ford Anglia all the way, third was in ministry cars and now muggle taxis… I wonder what’ll happen next

It took only three taxis to get them all to King’s Cross? How many are they? Mrs Weasley, Bill, Charlie, Fred, George, Ron, Ginny, Harry and Hermione… that makes nine so yeah, three of them could easily fit in each car

Oh no poor Crookshanks, the fireworks scared him!!

GOSh these adults are so annoying with their “I know something you don’t” attitude lol

Hoo boy are they gonna want to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas

They changed the rules of what?

To be fair, if I were the adults in this situation, I’d keep all the children in the dark just for fun too lol

Of course, Mr Malfoy knows the headmaster of Dumstrang… I’m sure they’ve had some great times together murdering people

Well if your precious father thought Dumstrang was a better school, then why didn’t he do us all a favour and put you in Dumstrang instead of sticking you in Hogwarts? It’s not as if your mother is holding your hand and walking you to all your classes, so I’m sure she’d have lived if you went all the way to Dumstrang for the better part of the year, Draco

Hermione took the words right out of my mouth lol

I mean, with Beauxbatons, is it really that hard to guess that they’re somewhere in France? At the World Cup, those students were speaking in French, about ‘Madame Maxine’ soooo…. Probably some French-speaking country like France… maybe Belgium?

Why has nobody read Hogwarts a History?? It sounds like a really interesting book!

What if the muggle person reads the ‘DANGER, DO NOT ENTER, UNSAFE’ sign in front of Hogwarts and decides to enter anyway because they’re daredevils? Do they get chills and decide to leave anyway? I feel like they’re putting too much trust in muggles not being stupid

Lol, how does the fact that Malfoy’s mother likes him going to stop you from pushing him off a glacier and making it look like an accident, Ron? Is it because she’ll know that he’s too much of a shit to not have enemies who would’ve definitely pushed him off?

I love rainy days

I don’t blame Hermione, who wouldn’t grow tired of endless quidditch talk?

Neville! Terrible things happened at the World Cup! I mean… I guess it was an interesting match since Ireland won but Krum caught the snitch, but really, you didn’t miss much other than the Irish seeker face-planting twice and the mascots of both teams starting a riot, followed by another more terrifying riot, culminating in the dark mark being seen after thirteen years. So not much, really. You’re better off without all that. 

I mean, if they never have the Quidditch World Cup in England again, which is very likely, then yes they were in the Top Box for the first and last time, and so were you, Malfoy

Malfoy knew very well that no one else would know what he was talking about since father, who is in the ministry, probably told him it was top secret or whatever… he just wanted to feel superior to them, as always

Oh wow, Ron was so angry he slammed the compartment door shut and the glass broke… damn

Yeah, I would hope with all this rain that they wouldn’t take the first years to Hogwarts in the boats… but WHAT DO I KNOW I GUESS

This is the last time the carriages will be ‘horseless’ I guess

Aw, carriage rides are nice

Chapter 12

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER TEN: Mayhem at the Ministry

See, Mr Roberts had God only knows how many memory charms done on him before the Death Eaters had their fun, and who knows how strong a memory charm they had to put on him for him to forget what happened last night. The result of a combination of these things is him wishing them “Merry Christmas” as they left the campground. Is that really any better than what the Death Eaters did last night? Maybe it wasn’t as blatant, but it's definitely a huge problem

“‘He’ll be alright,’ said Mr Weasley quietly as they marched off onto the moor. ‘Sometimes, when a person’s memory’s modified, it makes him a bit disorientated for a while… and that was a big thing they had to make him forget.’” Are you sure Mr Weasley? Are you sure that’s all it is?? 

I mean, I guess I should trust that the Ministry wizards know what they’re doing, and if I don’t trust the ministry wizards, I should at least trust that Mr Weasley knows what he’s talking about

I like the way they did that: the newspaper fell out of Mrs Weasley’s hand as she went to hug Mr Weasley, and it rolled open for all of us to read the headline

“To everyone’s surprise”? Of course she would have been the most worried about the twins! She yelled at them before they left! She must’ve felt so awful

Ah, Rita Skeeter

“Ron’s and Hermione’s reactions were almost exactly as Harry had imagined them back in his bedroom on Privet Drive.” lol it’s nice to see how well he knows them

‘...they were plotting to kill... someone.’ I was about to berate Harry about not knowing who Voldemort was going to kill and then I realised he was just trying not to freak Ron and Hermione out too much

Well I’m glad Hermione stopped looking horrified in order to scoff at Professor Trelawney’s prediction last year

Oh yeah, this is probably the first time they realised that when Trelawney gave Harry that prediction, Wormtail escaped that same night

Lol Hermione trying to be reasonable and telling them they need to go to bed instead of playing quidditch, especially since they just returned from a shocking event and they didn’t get much sleep last night, and Harry just dropping everything to be like: Yeah I want to play quidditch

“Hermione left the room, muttering something that sounded very much like, “Boys.”” Yep.

Oh so when Percy said he was putting out fires, he was literally putting out fires

Haha, so this is the first time we hear about Mundungus Fletcher!

“‘...Mundungus Fletcher’s put in a claim for a twelve-bedroomed tent with en-suite Jacuzzi, but I’ve got his number. I know for a fact he was sleeping under a cloak propped on sticks.’” Lol I don’t think I’ve ever seen a better description of a character

Bill and Charlie seem like the most chilled out of all the Weasleys

The never-ending battle between Mrs Weasley and Bill’s long hair is hilarious

Wow, Percy’s angry at Hermione

Oh yeah, I forgot about the ghoul in the attic lol

How do you pack robes in a way that won’t crease them??

Oooh, bottle green dress robes!

“‘I thought they’d bring out the colour of your eyes, dear,’ said Mrs Weasley fondly.” Aww

Oh, poor Mrs Weasley

And poor Ron I guess, the real victim

“‘Why is everything I own rubbish?’ said Ron furiously, striding across the room to unstick Pigwidgeon’s beak.” Ok now I feel even worse for Ron

Chapter 11

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER NINE: The Dark Mark

Of course, they’re not going to tell Mrs Weasley they’ve been gambling, remember what happened the last time she found out about something?

Also, was that really the last we saw of the ton-tongue candy? Did they have the good sense to save at least one in their room for later? I suppose they couldn’t risk Mrs Weasley searching their room for more stuff again

“Mr Weasley looked for a moment as though he was going to ask what these big plans were, but seemed to decide, upon reflection, that he didn’t want to know.” Good thinking Mr Weasley, you can’t get yelled at if you claim you didn’t know about anything

I wonder what the “odd echoing bang” was

Yeah it must suck for all those ministry wizards who are currently on duty

Oh, so Oliver Wood had actually shown them some of the moves that Harry saw at the match, except for the Wronski Feint apparently

Oh, people wearing hoods with their faces masked? What’s going on?

Also, in the fourth movie, the death eaters had hooded robes that were very similar to the ones the Ku Klux Klan used, which made a lot more sense than the death eater robes that they used in the later movies… maybe they didn’t want people who wanted to dress like death eaters to dress like KKK members and that’s why they changed them for the later movies

Ugh, I hate this part

“Two of the figures were very small.” Somehow this sentence didn’t scare before me as much as it does now

Oh my gosh, poor Mr Roberts, as if he hasn’t been through enough

Jeez, this whole scene is really making me sick… I think I might’ve either read it without absorbing it or just blocked it out of my memory in the past, good God

Just “get into the woods and wait”? Seriously?? I guess Mr Weasley didn’t really have a better plan at that moment

How has this continued to happen for who knows how long?? Where are the ministry wizards?? Do they not take shifts to prevent this kind of stuff happening?

Oh come on Malfoy, now is really not the time, though I guess he doesn’t care since his father is part of the crowd that’s abusing the Roberts family

I guess it’s better to be lost and in a group than to be lost and alone

“Ogwarts” lol

‘Oh… yeah… right,’ This is just Harry for at least 80% of this series

Oh shit, what?? He lost his wand?? Maybe it’s back at the tent?

Huh, Winky the house-elf is running in a way that looks like someone is restraining her but they’re invisible?? See, if I was Ron, I would’ve immediately assumed that there was someone invisible with her, since that is definitely a possibility and I wouldn’t have asked what was up with her, especially since my best friend has an invisibility cloak, and invisibility charms are not unheard of in general

Ok yes, I suppose it could’ve been too that she was instructed to stay in the tent and that she was trying to make it difficult for herself to get away since she was disobeying orders

Yes, Hermione is absolutely in more danger than you guys are Harry

Yeah, I’d be feeling awful too if I’d left my wand in the tent in this situation

Oh, so Bagman ran away after hearing what was happening? Why am I not surprised

Also, did Bagman not see the hundreds of other people who ran into the woods?

I’ll bet Mr Bagman is missing the glory days when he was a beater for the Wimbourne Wasps… if the fact that he was wearing his old Quidditch robes was any indication

Trust the golden trio to decide to rest exactly where the dark mark is going to be cast, and trust that the culprit will use Harry’s wand to cast it, by complete coincidence of course

I feel like Morsmordre is an anagram for something… I’m just going to google it

Ok so it basically means “death bite” in Latin and French, “mother killers” in Norwegian, and it sounds like the words ‘mass murder’... interesting… but not an anagram

Alright, shit has officially hit the ceiling

Soooo… when the dark mark has been cast, how do they get it out of the sky? Is there a specific spell to use or do they just wait for daylight to break

The Dark Mark relates directly to Harry, yet he knows nothing about it… I know he’s in history books and stuff, has he really not been that interested in knowing about himself and how he fits into those history books? Is Quidditch really that much more interesting

I always find it so funny that Hermione knows so much more about the wizarding world than Harry, despite being a muggle, but then I remembered reading a post about how it’s obvious that Hermione knows more than the regular wizard since it’s so interesting to find out all this new information and that any one of us could’ve been the same way, had we been given a chance to go to Hogwarts too

At least Harry thinks on his feet

If the wizards are surrounding them, didn’t they stop to think that they might hit each other before yelling “stupefy”?

Why would some teenagers conjure the dark mark? I know teenagers can be stupid, but they’re not really that stupid, are they?

Interesting, Mr Crouch strode off to the place where they found Winky...

She had a wand???

Also, why isn’t the trio telling them about the kind of voice that said the spell??

“Winky began to rock backward and forward on the ground, her breath coming in sharp bursts. Harry was reminded forcibly of Dobby in his moments of terrified disobedience.” That’s an interesting observation

Poor Winky

TGFH, I was wondering when she was going to speak up about the kind of voice they heard say the incantation

Even if you discover that the last spell the wand performed was the one that conjured the dark mark, that doesn’t mean Winky did it

Haha tip to tip

That’s true, to accuse the house-elf would be to accuse Mr Crouch

Or, they could’ve used Harry’s wand because they didn’t have their own wand… for whatever reason…

Ooh, she saw someone… she knows something…

I mean, at least Winky is free of Mr Crouch now, but I suppose she doesn’t exactly see it that way

Wow I wonder how many more people were still lost, and how many more people lost their tents and didn’t have a place to stay at all

Lol Percy deserved Hermione snapping back at him

Ok, 1) how does Ron not know about the dark mark, but Hermione does and 2) after Hermione said that it’s Voldemort’s mark, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANT RON?

That’s true, ok, Ron doesn’t understand that it’s not just a mark, he doesn’t get the gravity of the situation

Lol, what? It scared the death eaters away?? What a bunch of morons… That shows you the kind of people who join the ranks of death eaters

Oh yes, please explain what Death Eaters are Mr Weasley, I forgot we don’t actually know about them yet

Also, Morsmordre means death bite and death eaters are Voldemort’s followers… he’s really going for that ‘death’ theme very hard, isn’t he? I mean, even Voldemort means ‘flight of death’ in french… eating death, biting death, flying with death… very on the nose

Ironic how Voldemort’s followers are more scared than regular people to see him come back

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about his scar burning… and now the dark mark? At the risk of sounding like Hermione, Harry, you better tell someone…

Chapter 10

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER EIGHT: The Quidditch World Cup

So, a twenty-minute walk to the stadium doesn’t seem like it’s very long, but if I was actually there, it would be a different story

A hundred thousand people? Whoa

How do muggle repelling charms work? Do they sense a muggle and do the needful? What if it’s a muggle witch or wizard? Then I guess they would be below eleven years old and they wouldn't know about the magical world if they didn’t even know about the Quidditch World Cup, but would they have been able to see the stadium? I know nobody would believe a child, so I suppose the charms would work in that way

And after walking for twenty minutes, now they have to climb God knows how many stairs

Lol they couldn’t have a jumbotron so they had to make do with a giant blackboard with disembodied handwriting

Gladrags Wizardwear goes from advertising its London store to the one in Paris, and then… the one in Hogsmeade? Is Hogsmeade really up there with Paris and London?

Believe me, Percy, you don’t really want Cornelius Fudge as any kind of friend, much less an old friend

Oh good, the Malfoys are here

Does Lucius Malfoy know Arthur Weasley he asks… I guess Cornelius Fudge didn’t read Chamber of Secrets

Of course, Fudge wasn’t listening lol, when is Fudge ever listening

Haha four twenty(-second) Quidditch World Cup

Are veela like out-of-water Sirens? It would appear so

But wait, do they eat men too???

Oh they just make men do dangerous things lol ok

Also thanks for that Bulgaria, there was no warning at all… what if someone had actually jumped from the stadium?

It’s Krum!

“It was hard to believe he was only eighteen.” That’s because he isn’t ;)

Woo Ireland!

I knew Volkov and Vulcanov were the Bulgarian beaters! Why do the names always have to be so similar?

Wow you really can’t look away for a second, they’re that fast

Also, how are the players able to concentrate with veela on the field

I see Aidan Lynch doesn’t know about the Wronski Feint

Can you imagine if Lynch couldn’t be revived? Ireland would have to make sure they were at least a hundred and fifty points ahead of Bulgaria at all times

Oh ok, so now Ireland is leading, a hundred and thirty to ten

Excessive use of elbows??? And why is it called cobbing??

“A mediwizard came tearing across the field, his fingers stuffed into his own ears, and kicked Mostafa hard in the shins.” LOL see, I knew something like this was going to happen with the veela

True, the leprechauns are mocking the Bulgarians, but I suppose Mostafa must’ve taken the veela thing personally since he was the only one affected

Oh damn, two penalties for Ireland!! That seems unfair! I guess the Bulgarians should’ve listened to Mostafa when he told them to get back in the air

A lot of Ireland’s goals could’ve been avoided if Bulgaria didn’t keep giving them penalties

Ohhooohoooooo the leprechauns flipping the bird should be enough for a penalty to Bulgaria!

Oh the veela were not happy with that lol

Oh, so the game is still going on despite the veela leprechaun battle going on below?

Jeez, shouldn’t they stop the game? Or pause the game, until they get the mascot situation under control??

Oh shit, the bludger hit Krum in the face!

“... Lynch hit the ground with tremendous force and was immediately stampeded by a horde of angry veela.” GOOD GOD SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE HIM A BREAK!

Woooow what a close match, Ireland won by ten points

Hermione thinks Krum was brave… hmmm…

This Bulgarian minister is hilarious lol

OH WOW THE PLAYERS ARE ALL COMING INTO THE TOP BOX THAT’S WILD

How? How did Fred and George know exactly what was going to happen???

Chapter 9

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER SEVEN: Bagman and Crouch

The guy wearing a kilt and a poncho was basically mimicking how a robe would feel… though it’s much shorter than a robe for sure

Oh, I just realised, I guess I was wrong about the spinning with regards to the portkey… I was thinking about the movie version, whoops

Also, what are galoshes?

Also, how are they supposed to know what object the portkey is?? Did they get a written description that was extremely specific? Or was it just ‘manky old boot’?

OH WOW OK, So I was just wondering how this muggle man was ok with these people occupying all these tents on his grounds all of a sudden AND THEN THIS WIZARD JUST APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE AND OBLIVIATED HIM WHICH, I GUESS IS REQUIRED, BUT HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE BEEN OBLIVIATED?? COULDN’T THAT BE BAD FOR HIM?

I feel like they could’ve avoided all this if they’d just said that there was a ‘concert’ or something happening nearby… or maybe some kind of festival? And if actual muggles showed up, just obliviate them and send them away… I suppose it’s more loose ends or whatever if they miss one of the muggles accidentally… but who’s going to believe the person who explains that they went to a festival and there were people playing basketball on broomsticks?

I just googled what ‘plus-fours’ are and between the knickerbockers and the plus-fours, I really do not see the difference… why not just call them shorts and get on with it?

I’m sorry, did you just say that you need to modify that man’s memory TEN TIMES A DAY???

It must be so annoying to constantly find wizards who haven’t taken the proper precautions to make sure the muggles don’t see anything suspicious going on… also is the magical community so insular that they don’t know how to function in the muggle world?? I feel like if they have plumbing, they can learn how to wear muggle clothes, granted, it did take them a while to figure out plumbing too (as Joanne was eager to tell us lol)

“Halfway up the field stood an extravagant confection of striped silk like a miniature palace, with several live peacocks tethered at the entrance.” THREE GUESSES AS TO WHOM THAT TENT BELONGS (Also, this is the first time I’ve noticed that)

Yeah I would think Hermione would know how to put up a tent better than Harry, being the only person who has really ever been camping with muggle tents lol

So he didn’t even put a spell on it or anything after they set up the tents?

The girls have a tent all to themselves??? Wow

Gosh these ministry wizards trying to keep the magic away from the muggle gaze must be so done lol

Oh yeah, Seamus Finnigan is Irish

When they were talking about Krum earlier at the Burrow, you would never have thought he’d play as important a role as he does in this book… It could’ve just been minute details in the world-building or whatever because his last name was just mentioned once in passing, y’know?

Hey Mr ministry wizard, let the other man wear his long flowery nightgown!!!

Also, “‘I’m not putting them on,” said old Archie in indignation. “I like a healthy breeze ‘round my privates, thanks.” That must’ve been the same train of thought the guy in the poncho and kilt must’ve had! Also, robes would allow for that, so I completely understand where he’s coming from, also, let him wear his flowery nightgown!!!!

Hermione!! Don’t laugh at him!!!

Oh, the Department of Mysteries you say? I wonder what that’s all about… or is it too soon to ask?

What’s the difference between regular robes and Quidditch robes?

Oh, it has the logo of the team on it ok, just like the difference between regular clothes and sports gear, lol. I’m a fool.

‘Hardly a hiccough in the arrangements’ says Ludo Bagman, wearing striped yellow and black Quidditch robes in broad daylight, talking at the top of his voice about the secret wizarding world. “‘...Not much for me to do!’” Tell that to the guy who has to be obliviated ten times a day lol.

“Behind him, a group of haggard-looking Ministry wizards rushed past, pointing at the distant evidence of some sort of a magical fire that was sending violet sparks twenty feet into the air.” These poor ministry wizards better have at least a month off after the World Cup

Oh damn, Fred and George bet with such specific details… How did they know what was going to happen??? And they also bet thirty-seven galleons??? What were they thinking? And more importantly, how the hell did they know??

Oh yeah, I forgot that Barty Crouch was Percy’s boss, especially considering the amount of fun Fred and Geoge made of him

Oh Ali Bashir has flying carpets, hardy har har har

Why can’t they allow carpets if the wizards in Britain use brooms?

The portkeys were spread across five continents?? Wooooow yeah that's a massive undertaking

Of course, you’ve had fun organising this event Ludo, you’ve barely lifted a finger it appears

Oh, something’s happening at Hogwarts??? Interesting… Also, honestly, what’s new

It must be so cool to be in the Top Box with the commentator right next to them!

Poor Weatherby

How long did it take exactly, to get everyone into the stadium?

Ooooh, it’s starting!!

Chapter 8

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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHAPTER SIX: The Portkey

Ah yes, another mode of transportation that requires spinning

Mrs Weasley shook him awake, and then whispered for him to go, I’m imagining her violently shaking him awake and then softly and tenderly whispering for him to get up and go lol

Honestly, these parents are so great… they have so much to do, but they manage so well, especially with so many children

Has Mr Weasley never been to a Quidditch match? I guess not… especially if it isn’t in England 

Ugh, porridge

Well don’t you worry Fred, when you learn how to apparate, you won’t be able to stop, much to your mother’s dismay

Why on earth would anyone want to apparate without a license?? Especially if splinching is the result most of the time???

How do you accidentally apparate in a different place from what you intended?? Don’t you have to visualise where you want to go?

Hermione must be so annoyed that she’s the only one in this group who doesn’t really care about Quidditch. I guess she would’ve had the option to stay back but a ticket to the Quidditch World Cup finals is a pretty amazing opportunity I guess

Lol “‘What?’ said George, in an innocent tone that deceived nobody.”

Ah yes, this is the year we learn ‘Accio’ 

Ooof, the twins walked out without a word to Mrs Weasley… That’s icy

I don’t blame Hermione coming over the crest of the hill last, that must’ve been a steep climb

Oh, Cedric Diggory was extremely handsome you say? I wonder if that fact will ever come up again after this…

Oh yeah, he’s in Hufflepuff! Woohoo!!!

I’m sorry, Amos Diggory went from ‘Harry’ directly to ‘Harry Potter’? Not every Harry is Harry Potter! I guess he recognised him or whatever

Oh dear, Cedric’s dad is talking about telling his grandchildren that he beat Harry Potter… these kinds of small, subtle things make you subconsciously more emotionally invested in these characters and it’s great

Look, I feel bad for Amos but there’s really no need to compare Harry and Cedric that much

Ok Amos, time to rein it in a little bit there…

I’m sorry, did he just say that the Lovegoods have been there for a week already??? WOW, I never noticed that before!!!!! Guys, it’s the Lovegoods!!!! AND THEY LIVE CLOSE TO THE AREA THAT THE WEASLEYS LIVE IN!!!

Yeah, I’m just going to go ahead and say portkeys are weird. I’m sorry. I guess it’s because they’re so odd? It’s like waiting for a bus or a train but like, the vehicle is a shoe, and you arrive immediately. I suppose I’m just not used to it because I’m a silly old MUGGLE (I’m not bitter… not at all)

Chapter 7